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---

This book is a work of fiction
...

Copyright © 1996 by Nicholas Sparks
Reading Group Guide copyright © 1999 by Nicholas Sparks
and Warner Books, Inc
...

Cover art copyright 2004 by New Line Cinema
Book design by L & G McRee
Warner Books
Hachette Book Group
237 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017
Vist our Web site at www
...
com
The “Warner Books” name and logo are trademarks of
Hachette Book Group, Inc
...
I
am a common man with common thoughts,
and I’ve led a common life
...
”
And so begins one of the most poignant
and compelling love stories you will ever
read…

ALL AMERICA LOVES
THE NOTEBOOK
“A classic story of love found, lost, and

regained
...
”
—Christian Science Monitor
“Remarkable and memorable…beautiful
...
”
—Cincinnati Post (OH)
“Focuses on a man, a woman, and the
transforming power of love
...
”
—Dallas Morning News
“A touching story
...
…Sparks generates
authentic emotional power
...
”
—USA Today
“A more romantic testament to love’s
enduring miracle than Robert James
Wa l l e r ’s The Bridges of Madison
County
...
…The right
choice
...
”
—Kinston Free Press (NC)
“A warm, poignant, touching account of

one of nature’s rarest commodities: real
love…just enjoy the book
...
… Anyone who does not sob
through the last chapter has a heart of
stone
...
”
—Winter Haven News Chief (FL)
“Run, do not walk, to your nearest
bookstore or library to get a copy of this
gem…a book for everyone who has ever
loved or been loved, or dreamed of loving
madly, truly, deeply
...
”
—Mount Airy Gazette (MD)
“Handled by Sparks with finesse…
irrepressibly romantic
...
”
—Copley News Service
“The tearjerker story of the year
...
”
—Bookshelf

“A powerful read that makes it difficult to
put the book down
...
”
—Warner Robins Daily Sun (GA)
“Without question, THE NOTEBOOK
establishes Nicholas Sparks as a gifted
storyteller
...
”
—Asheville Citizen-Times (NC)
“A wonderful story of love and
devotion…beautifully done, but I must
warn everyone to have the hankies ready!”

—Under the Covers Book Reviews
“The kind of story that tugs hard on your
emotions and makes you cry whether it’s
Christmas or July
...
You might lend
THE NOTEBOOK to family and friends
to read but be sure to get it back
...
”
—Clark Suburban News (NJ)
“Pulls at your heartstrings
...
Watch
out, Robert James Waller
...


Acknowledgments
This story is what it is today because of
two special people, and I would like to
thank them for everything they’ve done
...
Thank you for your
kindness, your patience, and the many
hours you have spent working with me
...

To Jamie Raab, my editor
...
You made this a wonderful
experience for me, and I’m glad to call
you my friend
...
I’m a sight this morning: two
shirts, heavy pants, a scarf wrapped twice
around my neck and tucked into a thick
sweater knitted by my daughter thirty
birthdays ago
...
It
clicks and groans and spews hot air like a
fairy-tale dragon, and still my body
shivers with a cold that will never go
away, a cold that has been eighty years in

the making
...
I wonder if this is
how it is for everyone my age
...
It has
not been the rip-roaring spectacular I
fancied it would be, but neither have I
burrowed around with the gophers
...

A good buy, a lucky buy, and I’ve learned
that not everyone can say this about his
life
...
I am nothing
special; of this I am sure
...
There are no monuments

dedicated to me and my name will soon be
forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all
my heart and soul, and to me, this has
always been enough
...
In
my mind it’s a little bit of both, and no
matter how you choose to view it in the
end, it does not change the fact that it
involves a great deal of my life and the
path I’ve chosen to follow
...

Time, unfortunately, doesn’t make it
easy to stay on course
...
Until three years ago it would
have been easy to ignore, but it’s
impossible now
...

I cough, and through squinted eyes I
check my watch
...
I
stand from my seat by the window and
shuffle across the room, stopping at the
desk to pick up the notebook I have read a
hundred times
...

Instead I slip it beneath my arm and
continue on my way to the place I must go
...
Like my hair and

the hair of most people here, though I’m
the only one in the hallway this morning
...

A person can get used to anything, if given
enough time
...
Then the nurses see
me and we smile at each other and
exchange greetings
...
I listen as they begin to
whisper among themselves as I pass
...
” But they say nothing
directly to me about it
...

A minute later, I reach the room
...
There are two others in the
room, and they too smile at me as I enter
...
We talk above the crying for a
minute or so
...

Afterward I sit in the chair that has
come to be shaped like me
...
It will become quieter
after they leave, I know
...
Finally the shade is
opened and the nurses walk out
...
I
wonder what this means
...
I
understand, for she doesn’t know who I
am
...
Then, turning
away, I bow my head and pray silently for
the strength I know I will need
...

Ready now
...
I put it on
the table for a moment while I open the
notebook
...
Then I put the magnifier in
place
...
It’s the possibility that
keeps me going, not the guarantee, a sort
of wager on my part
...

I realize the odds, and science, are
against me
...
And that leaves me with the
belief that miracles, no matter how
inexplicable or unbelievable, are real and
can occur without regard to the natural

order of things
...

And maybe, just maybe, it will
...
He liked to sit here
in the evenings, especially after working
hard all day, and let his thoughts wander
without conscious direction
...

He especially liked to look at the trees
and their reflections in the river
...
Their dazzling
colors glow with the sun, and for the

hundredth time, Noah Calhoun wondered
if the original owners of the house had
spent their evenings thinking the same
things
...
Originally it was the
main house on a working plantation, and
he had bought it right after the war ended
and had spent the last eleven months and a
small fortune repairing it
...

At least the house was
...

The home sat on twelve acres adjacent
to Brices Creek, and he’d worked on the

wooden fence that lined the other three
sides of the property, checking for dry rot
or termites, replacing posts when he had
to
...
He’d gone into the
house, drunk a glass of sweet tea, then
showered
...

Afterward he’d combed his hair back,
put on some faded jeans and a longsleeved blue shirt, poured himself another
glass of sweet tea, and gone to the porch,
where he now sat, where he sat every day
at this time
...
He felt good
and clean now, fresh
...

Noah reached for his guitar,
remembering his father as he did so,
thinking how much he missed him
...
This
time it sounded about right, and he began
to play
...
He
hummed for a little while at first, then
began to sing as night came down around
him
...

It was a little after seven when he quit,

and he settled back into his chair and
began to rock
...

He started to run the numbers in his
head, then stopped
...
It would work
out for him, he knew; it always did
...
Early on, he’d learned to enjoy
simple things, things that couldn’t be
bought, and he had a hard time
understanding people who felt otherwise
...


Clem, his hound dog, came up to him
then and nuzzled his hand before lying
down at his feet
...
A car accident had taken
her leg, but she still moved well enough
and kept him company on quiet nights like
these
...
He hadn’t dated
since he’d been back here, hadn’t met
anyone who remotely interested him
...
There was
something that kept a distance between
him and any woman who started to get
close, something he wasn’t sure he could
change even if he tried
...

The evening passed, staying warm,
nice
...

Natural things gave back more than they
took, and their sounds always brought him
back to the way man was supposed to be
...
“It’ll keep you from going crazy,”
his father had told him the day he’d
shipped out
...
”
He finished his tea, went inside, found a
book, then turned on the porch light on his

way back out
...
It was old, the cover
was torn, and the pages were stained with
mud and water
...
It had even taken a
bullet for him once
...
Then he let the book open
randomly and read the words in front of
him:
This is thy hour O Soul, thy free
flight into the wordless,
Away from books, away from art,
the day erased, the lesson done,
Thee fully forth emerging, silent,
gazing, pondering the themes thou
lovest best,

Night, sleep, death and the stars
...
For some reason
Whitman always reminded him of New
Bern, and he was glad he’d come back
...
It
wasn’t surprising
...

His best friend these days was Gus, a
seventy-year-old black man who lived
down the road
...


Now Gus would show up a couple of
nights a week, usually around eight
...
Usually Gus would bring his
harmonica, and after talking for a little
while, they’d play a few songs together
...

He’d come to regard Gus as family
...
He was
an only child; his mother had died of
influenza when he was two, and though he
had wanted to at one time, he had never
married
...
Once and only once, and a long
time ago
...


Perfect love did that to a person, and this
had been perfect
...
As they
thickened, he leaned his head back and
rested it against the rocking chair
...

It was just after graduation 1932, the
opening night of the Neuse River Festival
...
It was
humid that night—for some reason he
remembered that clearly
...
She was pretty, he remembered
thinking, and when he finally joined them,
she looked his way with a pair of hazy
eyes that kept on coming
...
”
An ordinary beginning, something that
would have been forgotten had it been
anyone but her
...

She seemed that good, that perfect, while
a summer wind blew through the trees
...

Fin told him she was spending the summer

in New Bern with her family because her
father worked for R
...
Reynolds, and
though he only nodded, the way she was
looking at him made his silence seem
okay
...

They met the following day, and the day
after that, and they soon became
inseparable
...

Because she was a newcomer and hadn’t
spent time in a small town before, they

spent their days doing things that were
completely new to her
...
They rode in canoes and watched
summer thunderstorms, and to him it
seemed as though they’d always known
each other
...
At the
town dance in the tobacco barn, it was she
who taught him how to waltz and do the
Charleston, and though they stumbled
through the first few songs, her patience
with him eventually paid off, and they
danced together until the music ended
...
Later in the summer he brought her
to this house, looked past the decay, and
told her that one day he was going to own
it and fix it up
...
When she left three weeks
later, she took a piece of him and the rest
of summer with her
...

He spent the next week alone on Harkers
Island
...
Eight-twelve
...
Gus wasn’t in
sight, and Noah figured he wouldn’t be
coming
...

He remembered talking to Gus about
her
...
“So
that’s the ghost you been running from
...
I been
watchin’ you, workin’ day and night,
slavin’ so hard you barely have time to
catch your breath
...
Either they crazy, or stupid, or
tryin’ to forget
...
I just didn’t know
what
...

Gus was right, of course
...
Haunted by the ghost of her
memory
...

Either sitting on the bench or standing by
the gate, always smiling, blond hair softly
touching her shoulders, her eyes the color
of emeralds
...

He felt the same when he went to
Gaston’s Drug Store, or to the Masonic
theater, or even when he strolled
downtown
...

It was odd, he knew that
...
Spent his first seventeen
years here
...
Other memories were simply
fragments, pieces here and there of
growing up, and few, if any, evoked any
feeling
...
He said
simply, “My daddy used to tell me that the
first time you fall in love, it changes your
life forever, and no matter how hard you
try, the feelin’ never goes away
...
And no matter what you do, she’ll
stay with you forever
...
He read for an hour, looking up

every now and then to see raccoons and
possums scurrying near the creek
...

Forty minutes later, he was sleeping
...

Earlier that evening and a hundred
miles away, she sat alone on the porch
swing of her parents’ home, one leg
crossed beneath her
...
She’d
struggled with it for days—and had
struggled some more this evening—but in
the end, she knew she would never forgive
herself if she let the opportunity slip
away
...
The week before,
she’d hinted to him that she might want to
visit some antique shops near the coast
...
” She felt bad about the lie but
knew there was no way she could tell him
the truth
...

It was an easy drive from Raleigh,
slightly more than two hours, and she

arrived a little before eleven
...
She had a
quick lunch, asked the waitress for
directions to the nearest antique stores,
then spent the next few hours shopping
...

She sat on the edge of the bed, picked
up the phone, and called Lon
...
Good,
she thought while hanging up the phone
...
Nothing to make him suspicious
...

Everyone was doing their part, and she
was volunteering at the hospital
downtown
...
The first
waves of wounded young soldiers were
coming home, and she spent her days with
broken men and shattered bodies
...

He was handsome, intelligent, and
driven, a successful lawyer eight years
older than she, and he pursued his job

with passion, not only winning cases, but
also making a name for himself
...
Like them, he’d been raised that
way, and in the caste system of the South,
family name and accomplishments were
often the most important consideration in
marriage
...

Though she had quietly rebelled against
this idea since childhood and had dated a
few men best described as reckless, she
found herself drawn to Lon’s easy ways
and had gradually come to love him
...
He was a gentleman, both
mature and responsible, and during those

terrible periods of the war when she
needed someone to hold her, he never
once turned her away
...

Thinking these things made her feel
guilty about being here, and she knew she
should pack her things and leave before
she changed her mind
...
She picked
up her pocketbook, hesitated, and almost
made it to the door
...
And she

didn’t think she could live with that
...
After checking the temperature, she
walked to the dresser, taking off her gold
earrings as she crossed the room
...

She had been called beautiful since she
was a young girl, and once she was naked,
she looked at herself in the mirror
...
She’d inherited her mother’s high
cheekbones, smooth skin, and blond hair,
but her best feature was her own
...

Taking the razor and soap, she went to

the bathroom again, turned off the faucet,
set a towel where she could reach it, and
stepped in gingerly
...
The
day had been long and her back was tense,
but she was pleased she had finished
shopping so quickly
...
She made a mental note to find the
names of some other stores in the Beaufort
area, then suddenly doubted she would
need to
...

She reached for the soap, lathered up,
and began to shave her legs
...
No

doubt they would disapprove, especially
her mother
...

She soaked a while longer in the tub
before finally getting out and toweling off
...
She
slipped it on and looked in the mirror,
turning from side to side
...

Instead she found a more casual, less
revealing dress and put that on
...

She wore little makeup, just a touch of
eye shadow and mascara to accent her
eyes
...
She
found a pair of small-hooped earrings, put
those on, then slipped on the tan, lowheeled sandals she had been wearing
earlier
...
No,
it was too much, she thought, and she let it
back down
...

When she was finished she stepped
back and evaluated herself
...
She
didn’t want to overdo it
...
It had been a
long time—probably too long—and many

different things could have happened, even
things she didn’t want to consider
...

It was strange; she wasn’t normally this
nervous
...
She
remembered that it had been a problem at
times, especially when she dated, because
it had intimidated most of the boys her
age
...
She turned it
over in her hand a couple of times,
thinking, You’ve come this far, don’t give
up now, and almost left then, but instead
sat on the bed again
...
Almost six o’clock
...

“Damn,” she whispered, “what am I
doing here? I shouldn’t be here
...
There was something
here
...

She opened her pocketbook and
thumbed through it until she came to a
folded-up piece of newspaper
...
“This is why,”
she finally said to herself, “this is what
it’s all about
...


When he finished, he changed into his
work clothes, warmed some biscuits from
the day before, grabbed a couple of
apples, and washed his breakfast down
with two cups of coffee
...

It was Indian summer, the temperature
over eighty degrees, and by lunchtime he
was hot and tired and glad for the break
...
He liked to watch them
jump three or four times and glide through
the air before vanishing into the brackish
water
...

Sometimes he wondered if man’s

instincts had changed in that time and
always concluded that they hadn’t
...
As
far as he could tell, man had always been
aggressive, always striving to dominate,
trying to control the world and everything
in it
...

He quit working a little after three and
walked to a small shed that sat near his
dock
...

Fishing always made him reflect on his
life, and he did it now
...
He began
to speak less and less, and by the age of
five, he wouldn’t speak at all
...

Instead, his father took matters into his
own hands
...
“It’s good that we spend
some time together,” he would say as they
worked side by side, “just like my daddy
and I did
...
Within a few months Noah was
speaking again, though not well, and his

father decided to teach him to read with
books of poetry
...
” His father had been right again,
and by the following year, Noah had lost
his stutter
...
He had been reading poetry
ever since
...
He
explored the Croatan Forest in his first
canoe, following Brices Creek for twenty
miles until he could go no farther, then
hiked the remaining miles to the coast
...
Poets knew that isolation in
nature, far from people and things manmade, was good for the soul, and he’d
always identified with poets
...
He enjoyed the football games
and track meets, and though most of his
team-mates spent their free time together
as well, he rarely joined them
...
He had a few
girlfriends in school, but none had ever

made an impression on him
...
And she came after graduation
...
His Allie
...
Then he’d
made two predictions: first, that they
would fall in love, and second, that it
wouldn’t work out
...

Fin ended up being right on both counts
...
It wasn’t that
they didn’t like him—it was that he was

from a different class, too poor, and they
would never approve if their daughter
became serious with someone like him
...

“We’ll find a way to be together
...
By early
September the tobacco had been harvested
and she had no choice but to return with
her family to Winston-Salem
...
“We’ll never be
over
...
For a reason he
didn’t fully understand, the letters he
wrote went unanswered
...
He

went first to Norfolk and worked at a
shipyard for six months before he was laid
off, then moved to New Jersey because
he’d heard the economy wasn’t so bad
there
...
The owner, a Jewish man
named Morris Goldman, was intent on
collecting as much scrap metal as he
could, convinced that a war was going to
start in Europe and that America would be
dragged in again
...
He was just happy
to have a job
...
Not only did it help him
keep his mind off Allie during the day, but

it was something he felt he had to do
...
Anything less is
stealing
...

“It’s a shame you aren’t Jewish,”
Goldman would say, “you’re such a fine
boy in so many other ways
...

He continued to think about Allie,
especially at night
...

Eventually he wrote a final letter and
forced himself to accept the fact that the
summer they’d spent with one another was
the only thing they’d ever share
...
Three
years after the last letter, he went to
Winston-Salem in the hope of finding her
...
The girl
who answered the phone was new and
didn’t recognize the name, but she poked
around the personnel files for him
...
That trip was the first and last
time he ever looked for her
...
At first he was one of twelve
employees, but as the years dragged on,
the company grew, and he was promoted
...
The yard had become the largest
scrap metal dealer on the East Coast
...
He became serious with
one, a waitress from the local diner with
deep blue eyes and silky black hair
...

But neither did he forget her
...

They would sometimes spend an entire
day in bed, holding each other and making
the kind of love that fully satisfied both of
them
...
Toward the end of their
relationship she’d told him once, “I wish I

could give you what you’re looking for,
but I don’t know what it is
...
It’s as if I’m not
the one you’re really with
...
”
He tried to deny it, but she didn’t
believe him
...
When you look at me sometimes, I
know you’re seeing someone else
...
” A
month later she visited him at work and
told him she’d met someone else
...
They parted as friends, and
the following year he received a postcard
from her saying she was married
...

While he was in New Jersey, he would

visit his father once a year around
Christmas
...

In December 1941, when he was
twenty-six, the war began, just as
Goldman had predicted
...
Five weeks later he
found himself in boot camp
...
“I couldn’t have done it without

you,” the letter said
...
”
He spent his next three years with
Patton’s Third Army, tramping through
deserts in North Africa and forests in
Europe with thirty pounds on his back, his
infantry unit never far from action
...
Once,
while hiding in a foxhole near the Rhine,
he imagined he saw Allie watching over
him
...

Just before he was discharged, he
received a letter from a lawyer in New
Jersey representing Morris Goldman
...
The business had been
sold, and Noah was given a check for
almost seventy thousand dollars
...

The following week he returned to New
Bern and bought the house
...
His father seemed weak as he
walked around, coughing and wheezing
...

Less than one month later his father
died of pneumonia and was buried next to
his wife in the local cemetery
...
And
every night without fail he took a moment
to remember him, then said a prayer for
the man who’d taught him everything that
mattered
...
His
neighbor, Martha Shaw, was there to thank
him, bringing three loaves of homemade
bread and some biscuits in appreciation
for what he’d done
...
Winter was coming, and
he’d spent a few days at her place last
week repairing her roof, replacing broken
windows and sealing the others, and fixing
her woodstove
...

Once she’d left, he got in his battered
Dodge truck and went to see Gus
...
One of the daughters hopped
up and rode with him, and they did their
shopping at Capers General Store
...
Instead he showered, found a
Budweiser and a book by Dylan Thomas,
and went to sit on the porch
...

It had been in the newspaper at her
parents’ house three Sundays ago
...
“Remember this?”
He handed her the paper, and after an
uninterested first glance, something in the
picture caught her eye and she took a
closer look
...
She
vaguely remembered her mother coming to
the table and sitting opposite her, and
when she finally put aside the paper, her
mother was staring at her with the same
expression her father had just moments
before
...
“You look a little pale
...
That had

been when it started
...
She refolded
the scrap of paper and put it back,
remembering that she had left her parents’
home later that day with the paper so she
could cut out the article
...
And now,
after three weeks of long walks alone,
after three weeks of distraction, it was the
reason she’d come
...
It was the
perfect excuse; everyone understood,
including Lon, and that’s why he hadn’t
argued when she’d wanted to get away for

a couple of days
...
Almost
five hundred people were invited,
including the governor, one senator, and
the ambassador to Peru
...
Occasionally she felt like
running away with Lon to get married
without the fuss
...

She took a deep breath and stood again
...

She paused only slightly before opening it
and going downstairs
...
She slipped behind the wheel,
looked at herself one last time, then
started the engine and turned right onto
Front Street
...
Even though
she hadn’t been here in years, it wasn’t
large and she navigated the streets easily
...

It was beautiful here in the low country,
as it always had been
...
Those two crops and timber kept
the towns alive in this part of the state,
and as she drove along the road outside
town, she saw the beauty that had first
attracted people to this region
...
Broken
sunlight passed through water oaks and
hickory trees a hundred feet tall,
illuminating the colors of fall
...
The gravel road itself
wound its way between antebellum farms,
and she knew that for some of the farmers,
life hadn’t changed since before their
grandparents were born
...

The sun hung just above the trees on her
left, and as she rounded a curve, she
passed an old church, abandoned for years
but still standing
...

A majestic oak tree on the banks of the
river came into view next, and the
memories became more intense
...
She remembered sitting
beneath the tree on a hot July day with

someone who looked at her with a longing
that took everything else away
...

He was two years older than she was,
and as she drove along this roadway-intime, he slowly came into focus once
again
...
His
appearance was that of someone slightly
weathered, almost like a farmer coming
home after hours in the field
...

He was tall and strong, with light
brown hair, and handsome in his own

way, but it was his voice that she
remembered most of all
...
It was the kind of voice that
belonged on radio, and it seemed to hang
in the air when he read to her
...

I depart as air, I shake my white
locks at the runaway sun
...
He’d read for a while, then

stop, and the two of them would talk
...
And the
way he said it made her believe him, and
she knew then how much he meant to her
...

They watched the sun go down and ate
together under the stars
...
At
that moment, though, it really didn’t matter
to her
...

Another turn in the road and she finally
saw it in the distance
...
She slowed the car as she
approached, turning into the long, treelined dirt drive that led to the beacon that
had summoned her from Raleigh
...

He was dressed casually
...
For a moment, when the light
from the sun was behind him, he almost
seemed to vanish into the scenery
...

She turned the key, never taking her eyes
from him, and the engine sputtered to a
halt
...
For a long time all they
could do was stare at each other without
moving
...


Reunion

Neither one of them moved as they faced
each other
...
Suddenly
she felt guilty about showing up this way,
without warning, and this made it harder
...
But she didn’t
...

Thoughts of the summer they’d shared
came back to her, and as she stared at him,
she noticed how little he’d changed since

she’d last seen him
...
With his shirt tucked loosely into
old faded jeans, she could see the same
broad shoulders she remembered, tapering
down to narrow hips and a flat stomach
...

When she was finally ready, she took a
deep breath and smiled
...
It’s good to see you
again
...

Then, after shaking his head slightly, he
slowly began to smile
...
,” he stammered
...
“It’s really you,
isn’t it? I can’t believe it
...
She felt
something twitch inside, something deep
and old, something that made her dizzy for
just a second
...

She hadn’t expected this to happen, didn’t
want it to happen
...

She hadn’t come here for this
...

Yet
...
Felt as she hadn’t in years, as if all
her dreams could still come true
...


Without another word they came
together, as if it were the most natural
thing in the world, and he put his arms
around her, drawing her close
...

They stayed like that for a long time
before she finally pulled back to look at
him
...
He was a man
now, and his face had lost the softness of
youth
...
There was a
new edge to him; he seemed less innocent,
more cautious, and yet the way he was
holding her made her realize how much

she’d missed him since she’d seen him
last
...
She laughed
nervously under her breath while wiping
the tears from the corners of her eyes
...

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cry
...
How did you find
me?”
She stepped back, trying to compose
herself, wiping away the last of her tears
...
”
Noah smiled broadly
...
” He stepped back just a bit
...
You’re even prettier
now than you were then
...
Just like
fourteen years ago
...
You look great, too
...
The years had
treated him well
...
Don’t let this
get out of hand, she told herself; the longer
it goes on, the harder it’s going to be
...

But God, those eyes
...

She turned away and took a deep
breath, wondering how to say it, and when

she finally started, her voice was quiet
...
” She paused for a
second
...
There’s
something I have to tell you
...
In the silence, Noah felt a
sinking feeling in his stomach
...

“I don’t know how to say it
...
”
The air was suddenly rattled by the
sharp cry of a raccoon, and Clem came out
from under the porch, barking gruffly
...


“Is he yours?” she asked
...
“Actually it’s a she
...
But yeah, she’s all
mine
...
Allie’s eyes widened just a bit
when she saw her limp away
...

“Hit by a car a few months back
...
After I saw what had happened,
I guess I just couldn’t let her be put
down
...
She paused, then
looked past him toward the house
...
It looks
perfect, just like I knew it would
someday
...

“Thanks, that’s nice of you
...
I don’t know if I would
do it again
...
She
knew exactly how he felt about this place
...

And with that thought, she realized how
much had changed since then
...
Could tell that fourteen years apart
was a long time
...


“What is it, Allie?” He turned to her,
compelling her to look, but she continued
to stare at the house
...

“What do you mean?”
“This whole thing
...

You must think I’m crazy
...
He
reached for her hand, and she let him hold
it as they stood next to one another
...
Why don’t we go
for a walk?”
“Like we used to?”
“Why not? I think we both could use
one
...
“Do you need to tell anyone?”
He shook his head
...
It’s just me
and Clem
...
But it did make what she
wanted to say a little harder
...

They started toward the river and
turned on a path near the bank
...

He looked at her
...
He’d seen
beautiful women before, though, women
who caught his eye, but to his mind they
usually lacked the traits he found most
desirable
...

Allie had those traits, he knew, and as
they walked now, he sensed them once
again lingering beneath the surface
...

“How long have you been back here?”
she asked as the path gave way to a small
grass hill
...
I worked up
north for a while, then spent the last three

years in Europe
...
“The war?”
He nodded and she went on
...
I’m glad
you made it out okay
...

“Are you glad to be back home?”
“Yeah
...
This is
where I’m supposed to be
...

“But what about you?” He asked the
question softly, suspecting the worst
...

“I’m engaged
...
So that
was it
...

“Congratulations,” he finally said,

wondering how convincing he sounded
...
Lon
wanted a November wedding
...
My fiancé
...
The
Hammonds were one of the most powerful
and influential families in the state
...
Unlike that of his own father, the
death of Lon Hammond Sr
...
“I’ve heard
of them
...

Did Lon take over for him?”
She shook her head
...
He has his own practice
downtown
...
”
“He is
...
”

He thought he heard something in her
tone, and the next question came
automatically
...
Then:
“Yes
...
You
would like him
...

Noah wondered if it was just his mind
playing tricks on him
...

Noah took a couple of steps before
answering
...
”
“I’m sorry,” she said softly, knowing
how much he had meant to Noah
...

They reached the top of the hill and
stopped
...

Allie could feel his eyes on her as she
stared in that direction
...
”
She smiled
...
I saw it when I
came in
...

“Do you ever think about it?”
“Sometimes,” he said
...
It sits on my
property now
...
”
She laughed under her breath, feeling
strangely pleased about that
...
“Yeah
...
I
guess it’s in my blood
...
”
“I’m no poet
...
I’ve tried
...
” Her voice softened
...
It was the first time
anyone ever read poetry to me before
...
”
Her comment made both of them drift
back and remember as they slowly circled
back to the house, following a new path
that passed near the dock
...
Not long
...
”
“Is your fiancé here on business?”
She shook her head
...
” Noah raised his eyebrows
...
“No
...
He wouldn’t understand my
coming here
...
It was one thing to come and visit,
but it was an entirely different matter to
hide the truth from her fiancé
...
You could have

written me instead, or even called
...
But for some reason, I had to
do it in person
...
“I don’t know
...
The gravel
crunched beneath their feet as they walked
in silence for a few steps
...
“Yes, I
love him
...
But again, he
thought he heard something in her tone, as
if she were saying it to convince herself
...
The
fading sunlight reflected in her eyes as he
spoke
...
But if there’s a part of you
that isn’t sure, then don’t do it
...
”
Her answer came almost too quickly
...
”
He stared for a second, wondering if he
believed her
...
After a moment he
said: “I’m not making this easy for you,
am I?”
She smiled a little
...
I really
can’t blame you
...
”
“Don’t be
...
I’m the one who should be
apologizing
...
”
He shook his head
...
Despite everything
...
”
“Thank you, Noah
...

“You were the best friend I ever had,
Allie
...
How about we just kind of
get to know each other again?”
She thought about it, thought about
staying or leaving, and decided that since
he knew about her engagement, it would
probably be all right
...
She smiled slightly and nodded
...
”
“Good
...
”

“Sounds great
...
I’ve had the traps out all
week, and I saw that I had some good ones
caged a couple days ago
...
”
He smiled and pointed over his
shoulder with his thumb
...
They’re
at the dock
...
”
Allie watched him walk away and
noticed the tension she’d felt when telling
him about her engagement was beginning
to fade
...
She took a deep
breath and held it for a moment, feeling
the muscles in her shoulders further relax
as she exhaled
...

She always loved evenings like this,
evenings where the faint aroma of autumn
leaves rode on the backs of soft southern
winds
...
Listening to them helped her
relax even more
...

God, he looked good
...
She watched him as he reached for a
rope that hung in the water
...
He let it
hang over the river for a moment and
shook it, letting most of the water escape
...

She started walking toward him then,
listening to the crickets chirp, and
remembered a lesson from childhood
...
Sixty-seven
degrees, she thought as she smiled to
herself
...

As she walked, she looked around and
realized she had forgotten how fresh and
beautiful everything seemed here
...
He had left a couple of lights on,
and it seemed to be the only house around
...
Out
here, outside the town limits, nothing was
certain
...


She stepped on the dock and it creaked
under her foot
...
She walked to the rocker that sat on
the dock and touched it, running her hand
along the back
...
It
was old and weather-beaten, rough
feeling
...

“It was my daddy’s chair,” he said, not
looking up, and she nodded
...

She walked to the other side of the
dock, feeling a sense of closure
...
She’d somehow needed Noah
to know about her engagement, to
understand, to accept it—she was sure of
that now—and while thinking of him, she
was reminded of something they’d shared
from the summer they were together
...
Noah loves Allie, in a heart
...

A breeze broke the stillness and chilled
her, making her cross her arms
...
She could
feel his closeness, his warmth, as she

spoke
...

“I know
...
It makes me
feel good
...
”
“Come on, let’s go
...
”
The sky had turned black, and Noah
started toward the house, Allie right
beside him
...
She
wondered what he was thinking about her
being here and wasn’t exactly sure if she
knew herself
...
Noah motioned her away, and she
left with her tail between her legs
...
“Did you leave
anything in there that you need to get out?”
“No, I got in earlier and unpacked
already
...

“Good enough,” he said as he reached
the back porch and started up the steps
...
It
was on the immediate right, large and
smelling of new wood
...
It
was a tasteful restoration, not overdone as

was common when homes like this were
rebuilt
...
I did some shopping
earlier, and I still have to put the groceries
away
...
Inside she
felt that little twitch again
...
By the
time she’d finished, it was hard to
remember how run-down it had been
...
For a second
he looked like a young man of seventeen
again, and it made her pause a split

second before going on
...
Remember
that you’re engaged now
...
He smiled at her before putting a
few more cans into one of the cabinets
...
She shook her head, amazed at
how much he had done
...
How long did
the restoration take?”
He looked up from the last bag he was
unpacking
...
”
“Did you do it yourself?”
He laughed under his breath
...
I
always thought I would when I was young,

and I started that way
...
It would have taken years, and so I
ended up hiring some people
...
But even with them, it was
still a lot of work, and most of the time I
didn’t stop until past midnight
...

“I don’t know
...
Do you want anything to drink
before I start dinner?”
“What do you have?”
“Not much, really
...
”
“Tea sounds good
...
He pulled out a couple of teabags
and set them by the stove, then filled the

teapot
...

“It’ll be just a minute,” he said
...
”
“That’s fine
...

She smiled and took a sip, then
motioned toward the window
...
”
He nodded
...
I had larger windows
put in on this side of the house for just that
reason
...
”
“I’m sure your guests enjoy that
...
”
“Actually, I haven’t had any guests stay
over yet
...
”
By his tone, she knew he was just
making conversation
...
lonely
...

“I’m going to get the crabs in to
marinate for a few minutes before I steam
’em,” he said, putting his cup on the
counter
...
He brought the pot to the sink, added
water, then carried it to the stove
...
“Sure
...
There’s plenty in the icebox, and

you can find a bowl over there
...
She carried it to the
icebox and found some okra, zucchini,
onions, and carrots on the bottom shelf
...
She
could smell him as he stood next to her—
clean, familiar, distinctive—and felt his
arm brush against her as he leaned over
and reached inside
...

Noah opened the beer and poured it in
the water, then added the hot sauce and
some other seasoning as well
...

He paused for a moment before going
back inside and stared at Allie, watching
her cut the carrots
...

None of this seemed to make much sense
to him
...

He smiled to himself, remembering
back to the way she had been
...
And she was definitely
that
...
He
remembered seeing some paintings in the
museums in New York and thinking that
her work was just as good as what he had

seen there
...
It hung above the
fireplace in the living room
...
When he
looked at it, and he often did late in the
evening, he could see desire in the colors
and the lines, and if he focused carefully,
he could imagine what she had been
thinking with every stroke
...
He quickly closed
it, turning back to the kitchen
...

“How’s it going?” he asked, seeing she

was almost finished
...
I’m almost done here
...
”
“Homemade?”
“From a neighbor,” he said as he put the
pail in the sink
...
Allie picked up her cup and came
over to watch him
...
Just grab ’em like this,” he said,
demonstrating, and she smiled
...
” “New Bern’s small, but it does

teach you how to do the things that
matter
...
When
the crabs were ready he put them in the
pot on the stove
...

“You want to sit on the porch for a few
minutes? I’d like to let ’em soak for a half
hour
...

He wiped his hands, and together they
went to the back porch
...
When he saw her cup was empty, he
went inside for a moment and emerged
with another cup of tea and a beer for
himself
...

“You were sitting out here when I
came, weren’t you?”
He answered as he made himself
comfortable
...
I sit out here every
night
...
”
“I can see why,” she said as she looked
around
...
It satisfies my
creative urges
...
I mean
...
”
“Excuse me?”
He smiled
...

His name was Morris Goldman
...
When
I got back to the States, his lawyers gave
me a check big enough to buy this place
and fix it up
...
“You
always told me you’d find a way to do it
...
Allie took another sip
of tea
...
I can still picture my
daddy standing in the living room smoking
a cigarette, my mother on the sofa staring
straight ahead
...
That was the
first time my parents knew I was serious
about you, and my mother had a long talk
with me later that night
...
It’s
just that sometimes, our future is dictated
by what we are, as opposed to what we
want
...
”
“You told me about it the next day
...
I liked your parents,
and I had no idea they didn’t like me
...

They didn’t think you deserved me
...
”
There was a sadness in his voice when
he responded, and she knew he was right
to feel that way
...

“I know that
...
Maybe that’s
why my mother and I always seem to have
a distance between us when we talk
...
That it’s
wrong, that it isn’t fair
...
That status is more
important than feelings
...

“I’ve thought about you ever since that
summer,” she said
...

“You never answered my letters
...
I wrote you for two
years without receiving a single reply
...

“I didn’t know
...
It was what
he had always suspected, and he watched
as Allie came to the same realization
...
But try to
understand
...
She never understood how much
you meant to me, and to be honest, I don’t
even know if she ever loved my father the
way I loved you
...
”
“That wasn’t her decision to make,” he
said quietly
...
”
“Would it have made a difference even
if you’d got them?”
“Of course
...
”
“No, I mean with us
...

“I don’t know, Noah
...
We’re not the same
people we were then
...
Both of us
...
He didn’t respond, and in
the silence she looked toward the creek
...

At least, I’d like to think we would have
...
“What’s Lon like?”
She hesitated, not expecting the
question
...
She reached for her cup, took
another sip of tea, and listened as a
woodpecker tapped in the distance
...

“Lon’s handsome, charming, and
successful, and most of my friends are
insanely jealous
...
He’s kind to
me, he makes me laugh, and I know he
loves me in his own way
...
“But
there’s always going to be something
missing in our relationship
...
And she
also knew by looking at him that Noah had
suspected the answer in advance
...
Her voice was barely above a
whisper
...
”
Noah thought about what she had said
for a long while, thinking about the
relationships he’d had since he’d last seen
her
...
“Did you
ever think about us?”

“All the time
...
”
“Are you seeing anyone?”
“No,” he answered, shaking his head
...
Noah finished his beer,
surprised that he had emptied it so
quickly
...
Can I
get you anything?”
She shook her head, and Noah went to
the kitchen and put the crabs in the steamer
and the bread in the oven
...
After turning the heat on low,
he set a timer and pulled another beer
from the icebox before heading back to the
porch
...

Allie, too, was thinking
...
For a
moment she wished she weren’t engaged
but then quickly cursed herself
...
Besides, it was normal to feel
this way
...

“There’s nothing normal about any of

this
...
“It’s
going to take a few minutes,” he said as he
sat back down
...
I’m not that hungry yet
...
“I’m glad you came,
Allie,” he said
...
I almost didn’t, though
...
“Just to see you, to find out what
you’ve been up to
...
”
He wondered if that was all but didn’t
question further
...

“By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask,

do you still paint?”
She shook her head
...
”
He was stunned
...
”
“I don’t know
...
You stopped for a
reason
...
She’d had a reason
...
”
“I’ve got all night,” he answered
...

“C’mon,” he said, reaching for her
hand, “I want to show you something
...
He stopped in
front of the fireplace and pointed to the
painting that hung above the mantel
...

“You kept it?”
“Of course I kept it
...
”
She gave him a skeptical look, and he
explained
...
Sometimes I have to get up and
touch it
...
I even dream about it
sometimes
...
”
“You’re serious,” she said, shocked
...
”
She didn’t say anything
...
”
He knew there was more
...


“I’ve been drawing and painting since I
was a child
...
I
enjoyed it, too
...
I don’t even remember how it
started or what I wanted it to be, but
somehow it evolved into this
...
I
think it was my way of avoiding the pain I
was going through
...
I loved the
freedom I felt when I created, the way it
made me feel inside to make something

beautiful
...
He told me I should try my luck as
an artist
...
”
She stopped there, gathering her
thoughts
...
I
just stopped after a while
...
”
She stared at the painting
...
It’s been
a long time
...
I know you
can
...
What you have can’t ever go

away
...
You’re an artist, Allie
...
He truly believed in her
ability, and for some reason that meant
more to her than she expected
...

Why it happened, she never knew, but
this was when the chasm began to close
for Allie, the chasm she had erected in her
life to separate the pain from the pleasure
...

But at that moment she still wasn’t
completely aware of it, and she turned to
face him
...
When
their eyes locked, she once again realized
how special he was
...

The timer went off in the kitchen, a
s ma l l d i n g , and Noah turned away,
breaking the moment, strangely affected by
what had just happened between them
...
He silently cursed

the timer as he walked to the kitchen and
removed the bread from the oven
...
He added the vegetables
and heard them begin to crackle
...

Allie had followed him into the kitchen
and cleared her throat
...

“Sure, plates are over there
...
Make sure you get plenty—
crabs can be messy, so we’ll need ’em
...
He
didn’t want to realize he’d been mistaken
about what had just happened between

them
...

Allie, too, was wondering about the
moment and feeling warm as she thought
of it
...
Noah handed her the
bread as she was finishing the table, and
their fingers touched briefly
...
He
lifted the lid of the steamer, saw the crabs
still had a minute, and let them cook some
more
...

“Have you ever had crab before?”
“A couple of times
...
”
He laughed
...
Hold on a second
...
He held it open for her
...
I don’t want you to
stain your dress
...

“Don’t worry,” he said, seeing her
expression, “it’s clean
...
“I know
...
You gave me
your jacket that night, remember?”
He nodded
...
Fin and
Sarah were with us
...
”
“You didn’t, though
...


“Why not?”
“Shy, maybe, or afraid
...
It
just didn’t seem like the right thing to do at
the time
...
”
“I prefer the words ‘quiet confidence,’”
he answered with a wink, and she smiled
...
“Be careful, they’re
hot,” he said as he handed them to her, and
they sat across from each other at the
small wooden table
...
After putting some
vegetables and bread on their plates, Noah
added a crab, and Allie sat for a moment,
staring at it
...
”

“A good bug, though,” he said
...
”
He demonstrated quickly, making it
look easy, removing the meat and putting it
on her plate
...
She felt clumsy at
first, worrying that he saw every mistake,
but then she realized her own insecurity
...
He
never had
...

It took a second for him to answer
...
His destroyer was
torpedoed in forty-three
...
“I know he was a
good friend of yours
...

“He was
...

I especially remember the last time I saw
him
...
He was a banker here, like his
daddy was, and he and I spent a lot of time
together over the next week
...
I don’t think
he would have, except that I was going
to
...

“You’re right
...
”
“I liked him, too
...
”
“He was always good at that
...
“He had a
crush on me, you know
...
He told me about it
...
“The usual for him
...

That you chased him constantly, that sort
of thing
...
“Did you believe
him?”
“Of course,” he answered, “why
wouldn’t I?” “You men always stick
together,” she said as she reached across
the table, poking his arm with her finger
...
“So, tell me everything
you’ve been up to since I saw you last
...
Noah talked about leaving New
Bern, about working in the shipyard and at
the scrap yard in New Jersey
...
Allie talked
about going to college, painting, and her
hours spent volunteering at the hospital
...

Neither of them brought up anybody they
had dated since they’d last seen each
other
...

Afterward Allie tried to remember the
last time she and Lon had talked this way
...
Like her father, he wasn’t
comfortable sharing his thoughts and
feelings
...

But sitting here now, she realized what
she’d been missing
...
And
without either of them being conscious of
it, they began to regain the intimacy, the
bond of familiarity, they had once shared
...
Noah
looked at his watch and saw that it was
getting late
...
He had enjoyed
talking to Allie and wondered if he’d
talked too much, wondered what she’d
thought about his life, hoping it would
somehow make a difference, if it could
...


They both brought the dishes to the sink
and cleaned up the table, and he poured
two more cups of hot water, adding
teabags to both
...
He grabbed a
quilt for her in case she got cold, and soon
they had taken their places again, the quilt
over her legs, rockers moving
...

God, she’s beautiful, he thought
...

For something had happened during
dinner
...
He knew that now as they sat next
to one another
...

But then, he had never really stopped,

and this, he realized, was his destiny
...

“Yes, it has,” she said, “a wonderful
night
...
This was a night he wanted
never to end
...
And thus the decision
was made to say nothing
...

The rockers moved in quiet rhythm
...
Moths kissing
the porch light
...

“Talk to me,” she finally said, her voice

sensual
...
” And he did, reciting distant
passages, toasting the night
...

Tennyson and Browning, because their
themes felt so familiar
...
It
wasn’t just the poems or his voice that did
it
...
She didn’t try to
break it down, didn’t want to, because it
wasn’t meant to be listened to that way
...


Because of him, she’d gone to a few
poetry readings offered by the English
department while in college
...

They rocked for a while, drinking tea,
sitting quietly, drifting in their thoughts
...
She’d tried to deny them,
hide from them, but now she realized that
she didn’t want them to stop
...


Lon could not evoke these feelings in
her
...
Maybe that was why she had never
been to bed with him
...
He took it well, usually, and she
sometimes wondered how hurt he would
be if he ever found out about Noah
...
He was driven in his work, and it
always commanded most of his attention
...
She knew this was
why he was successful, and part of her
respected him for that
...
She wanted something
else, something different, something more
...

Noah, too, was sifting through his
thoughts
...
As he rocked, he
remembered it all in detail, then
remembered it again
...

Now, sitting beside her, he wondered if
she’d ever dreamed the same things he had
in the years they’d been apart
...

He looked to the stars and remembered
the thousands of empty nights he had spent
since they’d last seen each other
...
He knew then he
wanted to make love to her again and to
have her love in return
...

But he also realized it could never be
...

Allie knew by his silence that he was
thinking about her and found that she
reveled in it
...

She thought about their conversation at
dinner and wondered about loneliness
...

He didn’t seem the type
...

She put down the tea, then ran her hands
through her hair, closing her eyes as she
did so
...

“A little
...
”
“I know,” he said, nodding, his tone
neutral
...
Instead
she picked up the cup and drank the last

swallow of tea, feeling it warm her throat
...
Moon higher now,
wind in the trees, temperature dropping
...
The scar on
his face was visible from the side
...
He hadn’t mentioned it
and she hadn’t asked, mostly because she
didn’t want to imagine him being hurt
...

Noah nodded, then stood without a
word
...
She started to
take off the shirt he’d loaned her as he
opened the door, but he stopped her
...
“I want you to have

it
...
She readjusted it and
crossed her arms afterward to ward off
the chill
...

“I had a great time tonight,” he said
...
”
“I did, too,” she answered
...
“Will I see
you tomorrow?”
A simple question
...
“I don’t
think we should,” was all she had to say,
and it would end right here and now
...


The demon of choice confronted her
then, teased her, challenged her
...
But
as she looked in his eyes to find the
answer she needed, she saw the man she’d
once fallen in love with, and suddenly it
all came clear
...
”
Noah was surprised
...
He
wanted to touch her then, to take her in his
arms, but he didn’t
...
What do you want to do?”
“You’ll see,” he answered
...
”
“Have I ever been there before?”
“No, but it’s a special place
...
”
“Will I like it?”
“You’ll love it,” he said
...
She didn’t know if he
would try but knew for some reason that if
he did, she would have a hard time
stopping him
...
She slid behind the wheel,
breathing a sigh of relief
...
As the
car idled, she rolled down the window
just a bit
...

Noah waved as she backed the car out
...
He watched

the car until the lights vanished behind faroff oak trees and the engine noise was
gone
...
After he
looked up the road one last time, they
returned to the back porch side by side
...
Thinking
about it
...
Seeing it again
...
Running it by in slow
motion
...
Didn’t
know what he felt
...
The night was quiet

now, with little activity except for Clem,
who visited him occasionally, checking on
him as if to ask “Are you all right?”
And sometime after midnight on that
clear October evening, it all rushed
inward and Noah was overcome with
longing
...
Someone bent over
in his rocker with his face in his hands and
tears in his eyes
...


Phone Calls

Lon hung up the phone
...
Nine forty-five
...
Yes, she had checked
in and he had last seen her around six
...
No, he hadn’t
seen her since
...
He was the last one in the office,
as usual, and everything was quiet
...
Law was
his passion, and the late hours alone gave
him the opportunity to catch up on his
work without interruption
...
He always did, and losses were
infrequent now
...
He had reached that
level in his practice
...

But the more important part of his
success came from hard work
...

Little things, obscure things, and it had
become a habit now
...

And now, a little detail bothered him
...
No, that was fine
...

Something about Allie
...
He was fine when she’d left this
morning
...
But
sometime after her call, maybe an hour or
so, something clicked in his mind
...

Detail
...
think
...


Something
...
something
said? Something had been said? Yes, that
was it
...
But what was it? Had
Allie said anything on the phone? That had
been when it started, and he ran through
the conversation again
...

But that was it, he was sure now
...
Left her number
...

He thought about her then
...
Not only was she
beautiful and charming, but she’d become
his source of stability and best friend as
well
...
She would
listen to him, laugh at the right moments,

and had a sixth sense about what he
needed to hear
...
He
remembered that after they’d gone out a
few times, he’d said to her what he said to
all women he dated—that he wasn’t ready
for a steady relationship
...
” But on her way out the
door, she’d turned and said: “But your
problem isn’t me, or your job, or your
freedom, or whatever else you think it is
...
Your
father made the Hammond name famous,
and you’ve probably been compared to
him all your life
...
A life like that makes you
empty inside, and you’re looking for

someone who will magically fill that void
...
”
The words had stayed with him that
night and rung true the following morning
...

In the four years they’d dated, she’d
become everything he ever wanted, and he
knew he should spend more time with her
...
She’d always understood, but
still, he cursed himself for not making the
time
...
He’d have
his secretary check his schedule to make
sure he wasn’t overextending himself
...

And his mind clicked another notch
...
checking
...
Checking in?
Yes, that was it
...
No
...
What,
then?
C’mon, don’t fail now
...
New Bern
...
Yes, New Bern
...
The
little detail, or part of it
...
Knew the town a little, mainly
from a few trials he had been in
...

Nothing special
...

But Allie had been there before
...

Another part
...

Allie, New Bern
...
and
...
A comment in
passing
...
He’d hardly
noticed it
...

Remembering what had been said so long
ago
...

It was something about Allie being in
love one time with a young man from New
Bern
...
So what, he
had thought when he’d heard it, and had
turned to smile at Allie
...
She was angry
...
Maybe even more

deeply than she loved him
...
Interesting
...
Coincidence? Could be
nothing
...

Could be stress and antique shopping
...
Even probable
...
yet
...

What if? What if she’s with him?
He cursed the trial, wishing it were
over
...

Wondering if she’d told him the truth,
hoping that she had
...
He would do anything it took to

keep her
...

So, with trembling hands, he dialed the
phone for the fourth and last time that
evening
...


Kayaks and Forgotten
Dreams

Allie

woke early the next morning,
forced by the incessant chirping of
starlings, and rubbed her eyes, feeling the
stiffness in her body
...

She’d slept in the soft shirt he’d given
her, and she smelled him once again while
thinking about the evening they’d spent
together
...
It was so
unexpected, yet uplifting, and as the words
began to replay in her mind, she realized
how sorry she would have been had she
decided not to see him again
...
Noah, she knew, had
always been a morning person who
greeted dawn in his own way
...
She’d had to sneak out her
window to do it because her parents
wouldn’t allow it, but she hadn’t been
caught and she remembered how Noah had
slipped his arm around her and pulled her

close as dawn began to unfold
...

And as she got out of bed to take her
bath, feeling the cold floor beneath her
feet, she wondered if he’d been on the
water this morning watching another day
begin, thinking somehow he probably had
...

Noah was up before the sun and
dressed quickly, same jeans as last night,
undershirt, clean flannel shirt, blue jacket,
and boots
...
After Clem greeted him with
a couple of sloppy licks, he walked to the
dock where his kayak was stored
...

The old kayak, well used and river
stained, hung on two rusty hooks attached
to his dock just above the waterline to
keep off the barnacles
...
In a couple of seasoned moves long
since mastered by habit, he had it in the
water working its way upstream with
himself as the pilot and engine
...
He
took a few deep breaths, smelling pine
trees and brackish water, and began to
reflect
...

Because of the long hours at work, there
had been little time to spend on the water
...
something had had to
go
...
It had been one of the first
things he’d done when he returned
...
Sunny and clear or
cold and bitter, it never mattered as he
paddled in rhythm to music in his head,
working above water the color of iron
...

He paddled out to the middle of the
creek, where he watched the orange glow
begin to stretch across the water
...
He
always liked to pause at daybreak—there
was a moment when the view was
spectacular, as if the world were being

born again
...

While he did that, questions danced in
his mind like water drops in a frying pan
...
Most of all, though, he
wondered about Allie and why she had
come
...
Checking his watch, he was
surprised to find that it had taken two
hours
...

He hung the kayak to dry, stretched for a
couple of minutes, and went to the shed
where he stored his canoe
...

The morning haze hadn’t burned off yet,
and he knew the stiffness in his legs
usually predicted rain
...

The winds weren’t blowing hard, but they
were bringing the clouds closer
...
Damn
...
Maybe less
...
He did the dishes from the night

before, picked up a little around the house,
made himself some coffee, and went to the
porch
...
Steady, but it
would start dropping soon
...

He’d learned long ago to never
underestimate the weather, and he
wondered if it was a good idea to go out
...
Especially if he was on
the water
...

He finished his coffee, putting off the
decision until later
...
After checking
the blade by pressing his thumb to it, he
sharpened it with a whetstone until it was
ready
...

He spent the next twenty minutes
splitting and stacking logs
...
He set a few logs off to the
side for later and brought them inside
when he was finished, putting them by the
fireplace
...

God, what was it about her that made him
feel this way? Even after all these years?
What sort of power did she have over
him?
He finally turned away, shaking his
head, and went back to the porch
...
It hadn’t
changed
...


Allie should be here soon
...
Earlier she’d opened the
window to check the temperature
...
It was soft and
comfortable, maybe a little snug, but it
looked good, and she had selected some
white sandals that matched
...
The Depression had taken its
toll here, but she could see the signs of
prosperity beginning to work their way
back
...


Fort Totten Park looked exactly the same
as it had fourteen years ago, and she
assumed the kids who played on the
swings after school looked the same as
well
...
Or at least had seemed to be
...
It
seemed so improbable, everything falling
into place as it had, and she wondered
what she would have been doing now, had
she never seen the article in the paper
...
It was
Wednesday, which meant bridge at the
country club, then on to the Junior
Women’s League, where they would
probably be arranging another fund-raiser
for the private school or hospital
...
It
was the one night a week she saw him
regularly
...
He had often promised to and
usually followed through for a few weeks
before drifting back to the same schedule
...
“I’m sorry, but I can’t
...
”
She didn’t like to argue with him about
it, mostly because she knew he was telling
the truth
...

She passed an art gallery, almost
walked by it in her preoccupation, then
turned and went back
...
At least
three years, maybe longer
...
Many of the
artists were local, and there was a strong
sea flavor to their works
...
But most of all, waves
...


The artists were either uninspired or lazy,
she thought
...
All
were by an artist she’d never heard of,
Elayn, and most appeared to have been
inspired by the architecture of the Greek
islands
...
Yet
the colors were vivid and swirling,
drawing the eye in, almost directing what
it should see next
...
The more she thought about it,
the more she liked it, and she considered
buying it before she realized that she liked
it because it reminded her of her own

work
...
Maybe she should start painting
again
...
It took a few minutes to find
what she was looking for, but it was there,
in the school supply section
...
It wasn’t
painting, but it was a start, and she was
excited by the time she got back to her
room
...
After
a few minutes of abstraction, she did a
rough sketch of the street scene as seen

from her room, amazed at how easily it
came
...

She examined it when she was finished,
pleased with the effort
...
Since
she didn’t have a model, she visualized it
in her head before starting
...

Minutes passed quickly
...
It had taken almost two
hours, but the end result surprised her
...
After rolling it up, she put it in a
bag and collected the rest of her things
...

Down the stairs again and out the door
...

“Miss?”
She turned, knowing it was directed at
her
...
Same man as yesterday,
a curious look on his face
...
”
She was shocked
...
All from a Mr
...
”
Oh, God
...
I talked to him
when he called the second time
...
He said he
was your fiancé
...
Four times? Four? What
could that mean? What if something had
happened back home?
“Did he say anything? Is it an
emergency?”
He shook his head quickly
...
Actually, he sounded more
concerned about you, though
...
That’s good
...

Why the urgency? Why so many calls?
Had she said anything yesterday? Why
would he be so persistent? It was
completely unlike him
...
that was impossible
...
But they would have had to

follow her out to Noah’s
...

She had to call him now; no way to get
around it
...
This was her time, and she
wanted to spend it doing what she wanted
...
Besides, what was she
going to say? How could she explain
being out so late? A late dinner and then a
walk? Maybe
...

“Miss?”
Almost noon, she thought
...
No
...
There was no way she

could talk to him, even if she wanted to
...
She
shouldn’t feel this way, she knew, and yet
it didn’t bother her
...

“Is it really almost twelve?”
The manager nodded after looking at the
clock
...
”
“Unfortunately,” she started, “he’s in
court right now and I can’t reach him
...
She could
see the question in his eyes, though: But
where were you last night? He had
known exactly when she’d come in
...


“Thank you,” she said, smiling
...
”
Two minutes later she was in her car,
driving to Noah’s, anticipating the day,
largely unconcerned about the phone calls
...

As she was driving over the
drawbridge less than four minutes after
she’d left the inn, Lon called from the
courthouse
...
He went
around front and watched the car pull up
and park beneath the oak tree again
...
Clem barked a greeting
at her car door, tail wagging, and he saw
Allie wave from inside the car
...

She looked more relaxed than yesterday,
more confident, and again he felt a slight
shock at seeing her
...
Newer feelings now,

not simply memories anymore
...

Allie met him halfway, carrying a small
bag in one hand
...

“Hi,” she said, radiance in her eyes,
“where’s the surprise?”
He relaxed a little, thanking God for
that
...
Patience had never been
one of her strongest attributes
...
Good afternoon
...


“Allie, I’ve got some bad news
...
”
“Why?”
“The storm
...
Besides, there might be
lightning
...
How far is it?”
“Up the creek about a mile
...
”
She thought for a second while she
looked around
...

“Then we’ll go
...
”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely
...
“Then we’d better go
now,” he said
...
Then he grabbed some bread
and put it in a bag, bringing it with him as
he left the house
...
A little closer than yesterday
...
”
“You’re not even going to give me a
hint?”
“Well,” he said, “do you remember
when we took the canoe out and watched
the sun come up?”

“I thought about it this morning
...
”
“What you’re going to see today makes
what you saw then seem ordinary
...
”
He took a few steps before responding
...
But he
didn’t, and Allie smiled a little before
glancing away
...

They reached the dock a moment later
...

“Can I do anything?”

“No, just get in
...
Then he gracefully stepped off the
dock into the canoe, placing his feet
carefully to prevent the canoe from
capsizing
...

Allie sat at the front of the canoe, facing
backward
...

And it was true
...
It

was him she’d come to see, not the creek
...
His sleeves were rolled up,
too, and she could see the muscles in his
arms bulging slightly
...

Artistic, she thought
...
Something natural, as if being on the
water were beyond his control, part of a
gene passed on to him from some obscure
hereditary pool
...

She couldn’t think of anyone else who
remotely resembled him
...
On the surface he was a
country boy, home from war, and he
probably saw himself in those terms
...
Perhaps it
was the poetry that made him different, or
perhaps it was the values his father had
instilled in him, growing up
...

“What are you thinking?”
She felt her insides jump just a bit as
Noah’s voice brought her back to the
present
...
He’d
always been considerate like that
...
She liked the fact
that he knew it, and she hoped he had been
thinking about her as well
...
Watching him, watching his body
move, made her feel it
...

“How much farther?” she asked
...
Not any more
than that
...
Then, she said: “It’s pretty out
here
...
So quiet
...
”
“In a way it is, I think
...
There’s not a single farm
between here and where it starts, and the
water is pure as rain
...
”
She leaned toward him
...
”
“Anything in particular?”
“No,” he said
...
“No, it’s not that
...
I was serious when I said
‘all of it
...
I can’t
really pick any one time that meant more
than any other
...
How could I pick one
moment over another?
“Poets often describe love as an
emotion that we can’t control, one that
overwhelms logic and common sense
...
I didn’t
plan on falling in love with you, and I
doubt if you planned on falling in love
with me
...
We fell in love, despite
our differences, and once we did,
something rare and beautiful was created
...
I’ll never forget a single moment
of it
...
No one had ever
said anything like that to her before
...

She didn’t know what to say and stayed
silent, her face hot
...
I didn’t mean to
...
I know it can’t be
the same between us, but that doesn’t
change the way I felt about you then
...

“It didn’t make me uncomfortable,
Noah
...
What you said was
beautiful
...
”
Peaceful silence descended on them
...
A

mullet splashed near the bank
...
The
breeze had stopped, and the clouds grew
blacker as the canoe moved toward some
unknown destination
...
Her senses had come alive,
invigorating her, and she felt her mind
drifting through the last few weeks
...
The shock at seeing the
article, the sleepless nights, her short
temper during daylight
...
The tension was gone now, every
bit of it, replaced by something else, and
she was glad about that as she rode in
silence in the old red canoe
...
She had seen too many
men in the past few years destroyed by
war, or time, or even money
...

This was a worker’s world, not a
poet’s, and people would have a hard time
understanding Noah
...
She understood
the reasons, but they were rushing, like
Lon, toward long hours and profits,
neglecting the things that brought beauty to
the world
...

They made living worthwhile
...

Or rather, remembered it
...
Painting was
what she was meant to do, she was sure of
that now
...
A fair shot, no matter what anyone

said
...
It was an abstract
painting and was meant to inspire thought
...
Lon had
stared at it, studied it almost, and then had
asked her what it was supposed to be
...

She shook her head then, knowing she
wasn’t being completely fair
...

Though he wasn’t Noah, Lon was a good
man, the kind of man she’d always known
she would marry
...
He
would be a kind husband to her, and she
would be a good wife
...
It was the
kind of life she’d always expected to live,
the kind of life she wanted to live
...

Passion would fade in time, and things
like companionship and compatibility
would take its place
...

But now, as she watched Noah rowing,

she questioned this basic assumption
...
She tried not to
stare and glanced away often, but the easy
way he moved his body made it hard to
keep her eyes from him for long
...

Allie looked around, not seeing
anything
...

He guided the canoe around the tree,
and both of them had to lower their heads

to keep from bumping them
...

She heard the baffles of the water and felt
the movement of the canoe as he propelled
it forward, away from the pull of the
creek
...
“You can open them
now
...
It wasn’t
large, maybe a hundred yards across, and
she was surprised at how invisible it had
been just moments before
...
Tundra swan and
Canada geese literally surrounded them
...
Birds floating so close
together in some places that she couldn’t
see the water
...

“Oh, Noah,” she finally said softly,
“it’s beautiful
...
Noah pointed out a

group of chicks, recently hatched,
following a pack of geese near the shore,
struggling to keep up
...
The birds ignored them for the
most part
...
Allie reached
out to touch the closest ones and felt their
feathers ruffling under her fingers
...
She
scattered the bread, favoring the little
ones, laughing and smiling as they swam
in circles, looking for food
...


Noah led them back to the current of the
creek, paddling stronger than he had
earlier
...

“Noah, what are they doing here?”
“I don’t know
...
I don’t know why
...

Maybe they got off track or something
...
”
“They won’t stay?”
“I doubt it
...
Some of the
geese may winter here, but the swans will
go back to Matamuskeet
...
Soon rain began

to fall, a light sprinkle at first, then
gradually harder
...
a pause
...
A little louder now
...
More
rain as Noah began to paddle even harder,
his muscles tightening with every stroke
...

Falling
...

Falling hard and thick
...
racing the sky
...

cursing to himself
...

The downpour was steady now, and
Allie watched the rain fall diagonally
from the sky, trying to defy gravity as it
rode on westerly winds that whistled over
the trees
...


Hurricane drops
...
She knew the front of her dress
would soak through in a couple of
minutes, but she didn’t care
...

She ran her hands through her hair,
feeling its wetness
...

Even through the rain, she could hear him
breathing hard and the sound aroused her
sexually in a way she hadn’t felt in years
...

Harder than she’d ever seen it
...
He hadn’t known how she was
feeling about it
...

They reached the dock a couple of
minutes later, and Noah moved in close
enough for Allie to step out
...
Just in case, he tied it to the dock,
knowing another minute in the rain
wouldn’t make any difference
...
She was incredibly beautiful as
she waited, watching him, completely
comfortable in the rain
...
It wasn’t a cold rain,
but he could see her nipples erect and
protruding, hard like little rocks
...

When he finished and stood, Allie took his
hand in hers, surprising him
...

Allie, too, was wondering about him
...
Just
thinking about it made her take a deep

breath, and she felt her nipples begin to
tingle and a new warmth between her legs
...
And
although she couldn’t pinpoint the exact
time—yesterday after dinner, or this
afternoon in the canoe, or when they saw
the swans, or maybe even now as they
walked holding hands—she knew that she
had fallen in love with Noah Taylor
Calhoun again, and that maybe, just
maybe, she had never stopped
...

“Did you bring a change of clothes?”
She shook her head, still feeling the roll

of emotions within her, wondering if it
showed on her face
...
It
might be a little big, but it’s warm
...

“I’ll be back in a second
...
He
had a pair of cotton pants and a longsleeved shirt under one arm and some
jeans with a blue shirt in the other
...
“You can change in the
bedroom upstairs
...
”
She thanked him with a smile and went
up the stairs, feeling his eyes on her as she
walked
...

Naked, she went to his closet and found a
hanger, put her dress, bra, and panties on
it, and then went to hang it in the bathroom
so it wouldn’t drip on the hardwood floor
...

She didn’t want to shower after being in
the rain
...
Naturally
...
She slipped on his clothes before
looking at herself in the mirror
...
The neck was torn
a little and it nearly hung off one shoulder,
but she liked the way it looked on her

anyway
...

She brushed her wet hair just enough to
get out the snarls, letting it rest on her
shoulders
...

And a little more mascara
...

When she was finished, she checked
herself in the mirror, feeling pretty despite
everything, and went back down the stairs
...
He didn’t see her come in, and she
watched him as he worked
...

He poked the fire, moving the logs, and
added some more kindling
...
In a few minutes the fire had turned to
flames, even and steady
...
He turned back to her
quickly
...
After a moment he turned away
shyly, going back to stacking the logs
...

“I know
...
”
She knew what he had been thinking and
felt a tinge of amusement at how young he
seemed
...
”
Noah brushed his hands on his pants,
then pointed to the kitchen
...
” Small talk, anything to
keep his mind clear
...

She thought for a second, saw the way
he was looking at her, and felt the old
instincts take over
...
“I have some bourbon in the
pantry
...
”
He started toward the kitchen, and Allie
watched him run his hand through his wet
hair as he disappeared
...
Allie could hear the
roaring of the rain on the roof, could hear
the snapping of logs as the flickering
flames lit the room
...
Moments later, another
boom of thunder
...

She took a quilt from the sofa and sat on
the rug in front of the fire
...
Noah came back, saw what she

had done, and went to sit beside her
...
Outside, the
sky grew darker
...
Loud
...

“It’s quite a storm,” Noah said as he
watched the drops flow in vertical
streams on the windows
...

“I like it,” she said, taking a sip
...
Even as a
young girl
...

“I don’t know
...
”
She was quiet for a moment, and Noah
watched the fire flicker in her emerald
eyes
...
”
“I used to think about it all the time
after I went home
...
It was the way
I always remembered you
...
She touched his hand as she
answered
...
Not in the things that I
remember
...
You still read

poetry and float on rivers
...
”
He thought about what she’d said and
felt her hand lingering on his, her thumb
tracing slow circles
...
What
do you remember?”
It was a while before she answered
...

“I remember making love
...
You were my first, and it
was more wonderful than I ever thought it
would be
...
This was already hard enough
...

“I remember being so afraid beforehand
that I was trembling, but at the same time
being so excited
...
I’m glad we were able to share that
...
”
“Were you as afraid as I was?”
Noah nodded without speaking, and she
smiled at his honesty
...
You were always shy like
that
...
I
remember you had asked if I had a
boyfriend, and when I said I did, you
barely talked to me anymore
...
” “You did, though, in the end, despite
your professed innocence,” she said,
smiling
...
”

“When did you finally tell him about
us?”
“After I got home
...
I was in love with you
...
She put her hand through
his arm, cradling it, and rested her head on
his shoulder
...
She spoke quietly:
“Do you remember walking home after
the festival? I asked you if you wanted to
see me again
...
It wasn’t too
convincing
...
I
couldn’t help it
...
”
“I know
...
Your eyes always gave you
away
...
”
She paused then, lifted her head from
his shoulder, and looked directly at him
...
“I think I loved you
more that summer than I ever loved
anyone
...
In the quiet
moments before the thunder, their eyes met
as they tried to undo the fourteen years,
both of them sensing a change since
yesterday
...

“I wish you could have read the letters I
wrote you,” he said
...


“It wasn’t just up to you, Noah
...
I just never sent them
...
“I guess I
was too afraid
...
That maybe you forgot
me
...
I couldn’t even
think it
...
I can see it
when I look at you
...
There was so much I didn’t
understand, things that a young girl’s mind
couldn’t sort out
...

“When your letters never came, I didn’t
know what to think
...
I didn’t believe
that you were that way, I never did, but
hearing it and thinking about all our
differences made me wonder if maybe the
summer meant more to me than it had
meant to you
...
She said that you had left New
Bern
...
“I
know, but I never asked
...
Why else wouldn’t you
write? Or call? Or come see me?”
Noah looked away without answering,

and she continued:
“I didn’t know, and in time, the hurt
began to fade and it was easier to just let
it go
...
But in
every boy I met in the next few years, I
found myself looking for you, and when
the feelings got too strong, I’d write you
another letter
...
By then, you’d
gone on with your life and I didn’t want to
think about you loving someone else
...
I didn’t want to ever lose that
...
But he didn’t
...
Yet she felt so
wonderful to him, touching him
...
After I met Lon, I wrote to your
daddy to find out where you were
...
And
with the war
...

Lightning lit the sky again before Noah
finally broke the silence
...
” “Why?”
“Just to hear from you
...
”
“You might have been disappointed
...
Besides, I’m not
exactly what you remembered
...
” “You’re sweet, Noah
...
But
something else had overtaken him now,
and he gave in to it, hoping somehow, in
some way, it would take them back to
what they’d had so long ago
...

I’m saying it because I love you now and I
always have
...
”
A log snapped, sending sparks up the
chimney, and both of them noticed the
smoldering remains, almost burned
through
...

Allie took another sip of bourbon and
began to feel its effects
...
Glancing out the window, she saw the
clouds were almost black
...
He went to the fireplace, opened the
screen, and added a couple of logs
...

The flame began to spread again, and
Noah returned to her side
...
Noah leaned closer and
whispered in her ear
...
When we were young
...

“Noah, you’ve never asked, but I want
you to know something
...

“There’s never been another, Noah
...
You’re the only
man I’ve ever been with
...
”
Noah was silent as he turned away
...
Her
hand ran over the muscles beneath his
shirt, hard and firm as they leaned against
each other
...
They were sitting
on a sea wall designed to hold back the
waters of the Neuse River
...
Instead of answering,
he pressed a note into her hand, which she
read on the way home
...
One part she’d read
at least a hundred times, and for some
reason it ran through her head now
...
Maybe they always have
been and will be
...
And maybe each time, we’ve
been forced apart for the same
reasons
...

When I look at you, I see your
beauty and grace and know they
have grown stronger with every life
you have lived
...
Not someone like
you, but you, for your soul and mine
must always come together
...


I would love to tell you that
everything will work out for us, and
I promise to do all I can to make
sure it does
...
We will find each
other again, and maybe the stars
will have changed, and we will not
only love each other in that time,
but for all the times we’ve had
before
...
Could he
be right? She had never completely
discounted it, wanting to hold on to its
promise in case it was true
...
But
sitting here now seemed to test the theory

that they were destined to always be apart
...

And maybe they had, but she didn’t
want to look
...
And her body began
to tremble with the same anticipation she
had felt the first time they were together
...
Everything felt
right
...
Like
magic, it seemed, their years apart didn’t
matter anymore
...
Fire
danced on white-hot wood, spreading the
heat
...

They gave in then to everything they had
fought the last fourteen years
...
She brought her hand to his
face and touched his cheek, brushing it
softly with her fingers
...

She closed her eyes and parted her lips
as he ran his fingers up and down her
arms, slowly, lightly
...
She took his hand and
led it to her breasts, and a whimper rose
in her throat as he gently touched them

through the thin fabric of the shirt
...
Without speaking, she
started to undo the buttons on his shirt
...
With each button he could feel
her fingers brushing against his skin, and
she smiled softly at him when she finally
finished
...
He was
hot and she ran her hand over his slightly
wet chest, feeling his hair between her
fingers
...
She lifted her head and allowed him

to kiss her as he rolled his shoulders,
freeing himself from the sleeves
...
He
lifted her shirt and ran his finger slowly
across her belly before raising her arms
and slipping it off
...
His hands gently
caressed her back, her arms, her
shoulders, and she felt their heated bodies
press together, skin to skin
...
She reached for the snap on his
jeans, undid it, and watched as he slipped
them off as well
...

He ran his tongue along her neck while
his hands moved over the smooth hot skin
of her breasts, down her belly, past her
navel, and up again
...
Her shimmering hair trapped the
light and made it sparkle
...
He felt her hands on his back,
beckoning him
...
Her back
was slightly arched as he rolled atop her
in one fluid motion
...
She
lifted her head and kissed his chin and
neck, breathing hard, licking his
shoulders, and tasting the sweat that

lingered on his body
...
With a little tempting frown, she
pulled him closer, but he resisted
...
He did this
slowly, over and over, kissing every part
of her body, listening as she made soft,
whimpering sounds while he moved
above her
...
She buried her
face in his neck and felt him deep inside
her, felt his strength and gentleness, felt
his muscle and his soul
...

She opened her eyes and watched him
in the firelight, marveling at his beauty as
he moved above her
...
And with every
drop, with every breath, she felt herself,
every responsibility, every facet of her
life, slipping away
...
It
went on and on, tingling throughout her
body and warming her before finally
subsiding, and she struggled to catch her
breath while she trembled beneath him
...
By the time the rain had stopped
and the sun had set, her body was
exhausted but unwilling to stop the
pleasure between them
...

Sometimes he recited one of his favorite
poems as she lay beside him, and she
would listen with her eyes closed and
almost feel the words
...


They went on throughout the evening,
making up for their years apart, and slept
in each other’s arms that night
...

Once, when he was looking at her in the
moments before daybreak, her eyes
fluttered open and she smiled and reached
up to touch his face
...

When the lump in his throat subsided,
he whispered to her, “You are the answer
to every prayer I’ve offered
...
I love you, Allie,
more than you can ever imagine
...
”
“Oh, Noah,” she said, pulling him to
her
...


Courtrooms

Later

that morning, three men—two
lawyers and the judge—sat in chambers
while Lon finished speaking
...

“It’s an unusual request,” he said,
pondering the situation
...
Are
you saying this urgent matter can’t wait
until later this evening or tomorrow?”
“No, Your Honor, it can’t,” Lon
answered almost too quickly
...
Take a deep
breath
...
It’s of a personal
nature
...
” Good,
better
...
“Mr
...
“Mr
...
They’re willing to
postpone until Monday
...
“And do you
believe it is in your clients’ best interests
to do this?”
“I believe so,” he said
...
Hammond
has agreed to reopen discussion on a
certain matter not covered by this
proceeding
...

“I don’t like it,” he finally said, “not at
all
...
Hammond has never made a
similar request before, and I assume the
matter is very important to him
...
“I’ll agree to
adjourn until Monday
...
”
“Thank you, Your Honor,” Lon said
...
He walked to the car he had
parked directly across the street, got in,
and began the drive to New Bern, his
hands shaking
...
Bacon, biscuits,
and coffee, nothing spectacular
...
It was relentless, a
powerful confirmation of what they had
shared the day before
...

They showered together, and afterward
Allie put on her dress, which had dried
overnight
...
Together they fed Clem and
checked the windows to make sure no
damage had been done in the storm
...

He held her hand most of the morning
and the two talked easily, but sometimes
he would stop speaking and just stare at
her
...
Lost
in thought, she usually just kissed him
...
Both of them
were starving again because they hadn’t
eaten much the day before
...

While they were inside doing the
dishes, they heard a knock at the door
...

Knock again
...

Knock, knock
...

He approached the door
...

“I’m coming,” he said again as he
opened the door
...
”
He stared for a moment at a beautiful
woman in her early fifties, a woman he
would have recognized anywhere
...

“Hello, Noah,” she finally said
...

“May I come in?” she asked, her voice
steady, revealing nothing
...

“Who is it?” Allie shouted from the
kitchen, and the woman turned at the sound
of her voice
...

“I knew you would be here,” Anne
Nelson said to her daughter as the three of
them sat around the coffee table in the
living room
...
One day when

you have kids of your own, you’ll know
the answer
...
“I saw the
article, too, and I saw your reaction
...
”
“What about Daddy?”
Anne Nelson shook her head
...
Nor did I tell anyone where I was going
today
...

“Why did you come?” Allie finally
asked
...
“I
thought I would be the one to ask that
question
...

“I came because I had to,” her mother
said, “which I’m sure is the same reason
you came
...

Anne turned to Noah
...
”
“Yes,” he answered simply, and she
smiled at him
...
I just didn’t
think you were right for my daughter
...
“No, not really
...


Otherwise she wouldn’t be here
...
Allie, sensing an
argument, cut in:
“What do you mean when you say you
had to come? Don’t you trust me?”
Anne turned back to her daughter
...
This has to do
with Lon
...
He seemed very
upset
...
”
Allie inhaled sharply
...
He arranged to have the
trial postponed until next week
...
”
“What did you say to him?”
“Not much
...
He had it all

figured out
...
”
Allie swallowed hard
...
And I won’t
...
But knowing him, I’m sure he’ll
find you here if you stay
...

After all, I was able to find you
...
“Thank you,” she
said, and her mother reached for her hand
...
I’m not perfect, but I did the
best I could with raising you
...
That means
I’ll always love you
...
That’s up to you
...
Think about
what you really want
...

A moment later a tear drifted down her
cheek
...
” She trailed off, and
her mother squeezed her hand
...
As if
on cue, he returned her gaze, nodded, and
left the room
...
” “Do you love Lon?”
“Yes, I do
...
Dearly, but
in a different way
...
”
“No one will ever do that,” her mother
said, and she released Allie’s hand
...
I want you to
know, though, that I love you
...
I know that doesn’t help but
it’s all I can do
...

“These are the letters that Noah wrote
you
...
I know I shouldn’t
have kept them from you, and I’m sorry for
that
...
I
didn’t realize
...

“I should go, Allie
...
Do you want me to stay in
town?”
Allie shook her head
...
” Anne nodded and watched her
daughter for a moment, wondering
...
She could see the question in her
daughter’s eyes as Allie stood from the
table and embraced her
...
There was a long
pause
...

They stood together for another minute,
just holding each other
...
“I
love you
...
”
On her way out the door, Allie thought
that she heard her mother whisper,
“Follow your heart,” but she couldn’t be
sure
...

“Good-bye, Noah,” she said quietly
...
There wasn’t
anything else to say; they both knew that
...
Noah watched her walk
to her car, get in, and drive away without
looking back
...

Noah peeked in the living room, saw
Allie sitting with her head down, then
went to the back porch, knowing that she
needed to be alone
...

After what seemed like an eternity he
heard the back door open
...

“I’m sorry,” Allie said
...
”
Noah shook his head
...

We both knew it was coming in some form
or another
...
”
“I know
...
“Is there anything I
can do to make it easier?”
She shook her head
...
Not really
...
Besides, I’m not
sure what I’m going to say to him yet
...
“I guess it depends
on him and how much he knows
...
”
Noah felt a tightness in his stomach
...

“You’re not going to tell him about us,
are you?” “I don’t know
...

While I was in the living room, I kept
asking myself what I really wanted in my
life
...
“And do you
know what the answer was? The answer
was that I wanted two things
...
I want us
...
”
She took a deep breath before going on
...
And I know that if I
stayed, people would be hurt
...
I wasn’t lying when I told you that I
love him
...
But staying
here would also hurt my family and
friends
...


...
”
“You can’t live your life for other
people
...
”
“I know,” she said, “but no matter what
I choose I have to live with it
...
I
have to be able to go forward and not look
back anymore
...
“Not really
...
I can’t do that again
...
Noah went on:
“Could you really leave me without
looking back?”
She bit her lip as she answered
...
“I don’t
know
...
”
“Would that be fair to Lon?”
She didn’t answer right away
...
She crossed her arms and
watched the water before answering
quietly
...
”
“It doesn’t have to be like this, Allie,”

he said
...
We’re
meant to be together
...
”
He walked to her side and put his hand
on her shoulder
...
Stay
with me, Allie
...
“I don’t
know if I can,” she finally whispered
...
Allie
...
That would kill a part of me
...
It’s too beautiful to just
throw it away
...
After a moment he
gently turned her toward him, took her
hands, and stared at her, willing her to

look at him
...
After a long silence, Noah
brushed the tears from her cheeks with his
fingers, a look of tenderness on his face
...

“You’re not going to stay, are you?” He
smiled weakly
...
”
“Oh, Noah,” she said as the tears began
again, “please try to understand
...

“I know what you’re trying to say—I
can see it in your eyes
...
I don’t want it to end
this way
...
But
if you leave, we both know we’ll never
see each other again
...

He wrapped his arms around her
...
But no matter what happens in my life,
I’ll never forget these last couple of days
with you
...
”
He kissed her gently, and they
embraced as they had when she first got
out of her car two days ago
...

“I have to get my things, Noah
...
Instead he
sat down in the rocker, spent
...
She emerged from the house
minutes later with everything she’d
brought and walked toward him with her

head down
...
As he
took it, he noticed that she hadn’t stopped
crying
...
I made this for you
...

There were dual images, one
overlapping the other
...
Noah noticed
that she had penciled in every detail of his
face, including the scar
...

The second image was that of the front
of the house
...


“It’s beautiful, Allie
...
” He
attempted a smile
...
” She nodded, her face cast
downward, her lips pressed together
...

They walked to her car slowly, without
speaking
...
He
kissed her lips and both cheeks, then with
his finger softly brushed the places he’d
kissed
...
”
“I love you, too
...
Then she slid
behind the wheel, never taking her eyes
from him
...
It started easily, and the engine
began to turn over impatiently
...

Noah pushed her door closed with both
hands, and Allie rolled down the window
...
She reached
out her hand and Noah took it for just a
moment, moving his fingers softly against
her skin
...
The tears
began to fall hard now, but she couldn’t
speak
...
She
put the car in gear and eased the pedal
down just a bit
...
Noah backed up just a
bit as the car started to roll away
...
He
watched the car roll slowly forward; he
heard the gravel crunching under the
wheels
...
Leaving—she was leaving!
—and Noah felt dizzy at the sight
...
past him now
...
“Don’t go!”
he wanted to shout as the car moved
farther away
...


He stood there without moving for a
long time
...
Forever this time
...

He closed his eyes then and watched
her leave once more, her car moving
steadily away from him, taking his heart
with her
...


A Letter fromYesterday

Driving

with tears in her eyes was
difficult, but she went on anyway, hoping
that instinct would take her back to the inn
...
Nothing
would help
...
And what was she going to say?
She still had no idea but hoped that
something would come to her when the
time came
...

By the time she reached the drawbridge

that led to Front Street, she had herself a
little more under control
...
At least she hoped so
...
At a gas
station, a mechanic was looking under the
hood of a new automobile while a man,
presumably its owner, stood beside him
...
In front of Hearns Jewelers, a
well-dressed man walked briskly,
carrying a briefcase
...
Something about

the way he held himself, or the way he
moved, reminded her of Noah harvesting
crabs at the end of the dock
...
She took a
deep breath when the light turned green
and drove slowly until she reached the
parking lot that the inn shared with a
couple of other businesses
...

Although the one next to it was open, she
passed it and picked a spot a little farther
from the entrance
...
Next she reached into
the glove compartment for a mirror and
brush, finding both sitting on top of a map
of North Carolina
...


Like yesterday after the rain, as she
examined her reflection she was sorry she
didn’t have any makeup, though she
doubted it would help much now
...

She reached for her pocketbook,
opened it, and once again looked at the
article that had brought her here
...
It
felt impossible to her that she had arrived
only the day before yesterday
...

Starlings chirped in the trees around
her
...
The sun was still
shaded, but she knew it would only be a

matter of time
...

It was the kind of day she would have
liked to spend with Noah, and as she was
thinking about him, she remembered the
letters her mother had given her and
reached for them
...
She began to
open it, then stopped because she could
imagine what was in it
...

After all, he probably expected an answer
from her
...
The good-bye letter
...

How had he said it? How would she have

said it?
The envelope was thin
...
Whatever he had written wasn’t too
long
...
No name, just a street address in
New Jersey
...

Unfolding it, she saw it was dated
March 1935
...

She imagined him sitting at an old desk,
crafting the letter, somehow knowing this
was the end, and she saw what she thought
were tearstains on the paper
...

She straightened the page and began to
read in the soft white sunlight that shone
through the window
...
It is a different feeling
for me, one that I never expected,
but looking back, I suppose it
couldn’t have ended another way
...
We
came from different worlds, and yet
you were the one who taught me the
value of love
...
I
don’t want you to ever forget that
...
On the contrary
...
And if, in some
distant place in the future, we see
each other in our new lives, I will
smile at you with joy, and
remember how we spent a summer
beneath the trees, learning from
each other and growing in love
...

I love you, Allie
...
Once
more, she imagined him writing it, and for

a moment she debated reading another, but
she knew she couldn’t delay any longer
...

Her legs felt weak as she stepped out of
the car
...

And the answer didn’t finally come
until she reached the door and opened it
and saw Lon standing in the lobby
...
They are tired and bloodshot, but
they have not failed me so far
...
Neither they nor I can go
on forever
...

Instead she is staring out the window at
the courtyard, where friends and family
meet
...
In all these years the daily
pattern has not changed
...
Young adults, alone or with family,

come to visit those who live here
...
Some will stay for the day, but
most leave after a few hours, and when
they do, I always feel sadness for those
they’ve left behind
...
And I do not ever ask them
because I’ve learned that we’re all
entitled to have our secrets
...

I place the notebook and magnifier on
the table beside me, feeling the ache in my
bones as I do so, and I realize once again
how cold my body is
...
This
does not surprise me anymore, though, for
my body makes its own rules these days
...
The people who work here
know me and my faults and do their best to
make me more comfortable
...
It is an effort to pour a
cup, but I do so because the tea is needed
to warm me and I think the exertion will
keep me from completely rusting away
...

Rusted as a junked car twenty years in the
Everglades
...
Not for duty—although I suppose
a case could be made for this—but for

another, more romantic, reason
...
Besides, I
have no idea how it’s going to turn out,
and to be honest, I’d rather not get my
hopes up
...
The
doctors tell me that I’m not allowed to see
her after dark
...
Late at night
when my mood is right, I will sneak from
my room and go to hers and watch her
while she sleeps
...
I’ll come in and see her breathe
and know that had it not been for her, I

would never have married
...
And that means more to me
than I could ever hope to explain
...

Next month it will be that long
...
I do
not sleep well without her
...
I sleep two hours if I am lucky,
and still I wake before dawn
...


Soon, this will all be over
...

She does not
...
I keep them simple now, since most
of my days are the same
...
It goes like this:
I ne’er was struck before that hour
With love so sudden and so sweet,
Her face it bloomed like a sweet
flower
And stole my heart away complete
...

Usually I do, for I am the reader and I am
needed, or so I am told
...

They are my friends, and when I push
open their doors, I see rooms that look
like mine, always semidarkened,
illuminated only by the lights of Wheel of
Fortune and Vanna’s teeth
...

Men or women, they smile at me when I
enter and speak in whispers as they turn
off their sets
...

Sometimes I tell them
...
Or I tell them of our
early years together and explain how we

had all we needed when we held each
other under starry southern skies
...
Mostly, though, I smile and I
tell them that she is the same, and they turn
from me, for I know they do not want me
to see their faces
...
So I sit with them and read
to lessen their fears
...

Not till the sun excludes you do I
exclude you, Not till the waters
refuse to glisten for you and the
leaves to rustle for you, do my words

refuse to glisten and rustle for you
...

I wander all night in my vision,
...

If she could, my wife would accompany
me on my evening excursions, for one of
her many loves was poetry
...
Lovers of words,
makers of language
...
Poetry

brings great beauty to life, but also great
sadness, and I’m not sure it’s a fair
exchange for someone my age
...

Mine will be spent by a reading lamp
...
My back aches when I sit
...
I
reach for her hand and take it, bony and
fragile
...
She responds with a
twitch, and gradually her thumb begins to
softly rub my finger
...
Most days I
sit in silence until the sun goes down, and
on days like those I know nothing about
her
...
She is crying
...
I take out a
handkerchief and wipe at her tears
...

“That was a beautiful story
...
Little drops
tap gently on the window
...
It is going to be a good day, a very
good day
...
I smile, I can’t
help it
...

“Did you write it?” she asks
...

“Yes,” I answer
...
Her
medicine is in a little cup
...
Little

pills, colors like a rainbow so we won’t
forget to take them
...

“I’ve heard it before, haven’t I?”
“Yes,” I say again, just as I do every
time on days like these
...

She studies my face
...

“It makes me feel less afraid,” she says
...
” I nod, rocking my head softly
...

She releases my hand and reaches for her
water glass
...
She takes a sip
...
Her body
is still strong
...
I could say more,
but usually I don’t
...

She asks the obvious:
“Well, which one did she finally
marry?”
I answer: “The one who was right for
her
...
“You’ll know,” I say quietly,
“by the end of the day
...
”
She does not know what to think about
this but does not question me further
...
She is
thinking of a way to ask me another
question, though she isn’t sure how to do
it
...

“Is this mine?”

“No, this one is,” and I reach over and
push her medicine toward her
...
She takes it and
looks at the pills
...
I use both hands to pick
up my cup and dump the pills into my
mouth
...
There is no
fight today
...
I raise my
cup in a mock toast and wash the gritty
flavor from my mouth with my tea
...
She swallows on faith and
washes them down with more water
...
We
sit quietly for a while, enjoying something
beautiful together
...

“I have to ask you something else,” she

says
...
”
“It’s hard, though
...
This is how she hides her
thoughts
...

“Take your time,” I say
...
Finally she turns to me and
looks into my eyes
...

“I don’t want to hurt your feelings
because you’ve been so nice to me, but
...
”
I wait
...
They
will tear a piece from my heart and leave
a scar
...
It was
her decision to come here, partly because
it was near our home, but also because she
thought it would be easier for me
...

She was right to do this, of course
...
We are in the final minutes in the day
of our lives, and the clock is ticking
...
I wonder if I am the only one who
can hear it
...
I am sad about this,
but it is my fault, not hers
...

My hands are misshapen and grotesque
now, and they throb during most of my
waking hours
...
So
I use my claws, as I call them sometimes,
and every day I take her hands despite the
pain, and I do my best to hold them
because that is what she wants me to do
...
It is
falling apart, dying one piece at a time,
steady erosion on the inside and at the
joints
...
Worse, I have
cancer again, this time of the prostate
...
The doctors
are worried about me, but I am not
...

Of our five children, four are still
living, and though it is hard for them to
visit, they come often, and for this I am
thankful
...
A dozen pictures line the walls of
my room
...
I am very proud
...
There is
so much about her I don’t understand
anymore
...
I have not seen him for fifty years and
he is now but a shadow in my thoughts
...
I am not sure if this is due to a
failing memory or simply the passage of
time
...
In another ten years it
will be gone and so will I, and his
memory will be erased like a message in
the sand
...
Long periods of my life seem to
have vanished
...
There are times I sit and
wonder where it all has gone
...
” I have
always been a John Wayne fan
...
” She thinks for a moment, her
forehead wrinkled, her eyes serious
...
” And
always will be, I think to myself
...
Her eyes
become wet and red, and tears begin to
fall
...
She says:

“I’m sorry
...
Even
you
...
I don’t even
know my name
...

Or at least, who I was
...
”
I answer from my heart, but I lie to her
about her name
...

There is a reason for this
...
You are a dream, a creator of
happiness, an artist who has touched a
thousand souls
...
You are kind and loyal, and you are

able to see beauty where others do not
...
”
I stop for a moment and catch my
breath
...
The body, sluggish, aged,
cold—the embers left from earlier
fires,

...
In the silence, I look toward the
window and notice that the rain has

stopped now
...
She asks:
“Did you write that?”
“No, that was Walt Whitman
...
”
She does not respond directly
...
In
...
In
...
In
...
Deep breaths
...

“Would you stay with me a while?” she
finally asks
...
She smiles back
...
She stares at the
hardened knots that deform my fingers and
caresses them gently
...


“Come,” I say as I stand with great
effort, “let’s go for a walk
...
It’s
beautiful today
...

She blushes
...

She was famous, of course
...
Unlike me, who struggled to
write even the simplest of verses, my wife
could create beauty as easily as the Lord
created the earth
...
The first one she ever
gave me and the last one
...
I don’t
know why
...
We led our
lives, working, painting, raising children,
loving each other
...
I see grandchildren and
happy faces
...
A lifetime that seems so typical,
yet uncommon
...
And what did I expect?
Retirement
...
She always loved to
travel
...
In bottles
...
But I am not bitter
...
Looking back, I suppose it seems
obvious, but at first I thought her confusion
understandable and not unique
...

Sometimes she would write the wrong
year when she made out her checks, but
again I dismissed it as simple mistakes
that one makes when thinking of other
things
...


An iron in the freezer, clothes in the
dishwasher, books in the oven
...
But the day I found her in the
car three blocks away, crying over the
steering wheel because she couldn’t find
her way home was the first day I was
really frightened
...
” A knot
twisted in my stomach, but I dared not
think the worst
...
I did not
understand them then and I do not
understand them now, but I suppose it is
because I am afraid to know
...
Barnwell, and she
went back the next day
...
I looked through
magazines I could not read and played
games I did not think about
...
She held my arm confidently, but I
remember clearly that my own hands were
shaking
...
Barn-well began, “but you seem to be
in the early stages of Alzheimer’s
...
The words echoed in my
head: the early stages of Alzheimer’s
...
She whispered,
almost to herself: “Oh, Noah
...


...
Alzheimer’s
...
It is a thief of hearts
and souls and memories
...

The doctor was grim
...
He was
younger than my youngest, and I felt my
age in his presence
...

A wise poet’s words, yet they brought
me no comfort
...

We rocked to and fro, and Allie, my
dream, my timeless beauty, told me she
was sorry
...

“Everything will be fine,” I whispered,
but inside I was afraid
...

I remember only bits and pieces of Dr
...

“It’s a degenerative brain disorder
affecting memory and personality
...

There’s no way to tell how fast it will
progress
...
I wish I knew more
...


...
I’m sorry to be the one who has
to tell you
...

I’m sorry
...

Everyone was sorry
...
I don’t remember leaving
the doctor’s office, and I don’t remember
driving home
...

It has been four years now
...
Allie organized, as was her
disposition
...
She
rewrote her will and sealed it
...
I have not
seen them
...
Letters to friends and
children
...
Letters to nieces, nephews,
and neighbors
...

I read it sometimes when I am in the
mood, and when I do, I am reminded of
Allie on cold winter evenings, seated by a
roaring fire with a glass of wine at her
side, reading the letters I had written to
her over the years
...
She said I would
know what to do with them
...
They intrigue me,
these letters, for when I sift through them I

realize that romance and passion are
possible at any age
...

I read them last three evenings ago, long
after I should have been asleep
...
I untied the
ribbon, itself almost half a century old,
and found the letters her mother had
hidden so long ago and those from
afterward
...

I glanced through them with a smile on my
face, picking and choosing, and finally
opened a letter from our first anniversary
...
No man is more blessed than
me, and I love you with all my heart
...

Sitting next to you, while our
youngest daughter sang off-key in
the school Christmas show, I looked
at you and saw a pride that comes
only to those who feel deeply in
their hearts, and I knew that no man
could be more lucky than me
...
It was the
hardest time we ever went through, and
the words still ring true today:
In times of grief and sorrow I will
hold you and rock you, and take
your grief and make it my own
...
And together we will try
to hold back the floods of tears and
despair and make it through the
potholed streets of life
...
He was four years old at the time,
just a baby
...
It is a terrible thing
to outlive your child, a tragedy I wish
upon no one
...

They went on, this correspondence of
life and love, and I read dozens more,
some painful, most heartwarming
...
There was
one letter remaining, the last one I wrote
her, and by then I knew I had to keep

going
...
I put the second page aside and
moved the first page into better light and
began to read:
My dearest Allie,
The porch is silent except for the
sounds that float from the shadows,
and for once I am at a loss for
words
...
A lifetime of
memories
...
I am not
a poet, and yet a poem is needed to
fully express the way I feel about
you
...
Kate was there, and so
was Jane, and they both became
quiet when I walked in the kitchen
...
And
do you know what I saw when I
looked at them? I saw you from so
long ago, the day we said good-bye
...
And for a reason I’m
not sure I understand, I was
inspired to tell them a story
...
I told
them about our walk, and the crab
dinner in the kitchen, and they
listened with smiles when they
heard about the canoe ride, and
sitting in front of the fire with the
storm raging outside
...

That part of the story has never
left me, even after all this time
...
I still cannot
imagine what was going through
your mind when you walked into the
lobby and saw Lon, or how it must
have felt to talk to him
...

I know you cared for him
...
No, he could not
understand losing you, but how
could he? Even as you explained
that you had always loved me, and

that it wouldn’t be fair to him, he
did not release your hand
...
You said
he simply nodded and the two of you
sat together for a long time without
speaking
...

And when he finally walked you to
your car, you said he told you that I
was a lucky man
...


I remember that when I finished
the story, the room was quiet until
Kate finally stood to embrace me
...
Instead, they gave me
something much more special
...
One by one, they told stories
about things I had long since
forgotten
...
I
was so proud of them, and proud of
you, and happy about the life we
have led
...
Nothing
...

After they left, I rocked in silence,
thinking back on our life together
...
I do not know who I would have
become had you never come back to
me that day, but I have no doubt
that I would have lived and died
with regrets that thankfully I’ll
never know
...
I am who I am
because of you
...
I will always
be yours
...

Noah
I put the pages aside and remember
sitting with Allie on our porch when she
read this letter for the first time
...
The sky was slowly
changing color, and as I was watching the
sun go down, I remember thinking about
that brief, flickering moment when day
suddenly turns into night
...
And that means that day and
night are linked in a way that few things
are; there cannot be one without the other,
yet they cannot exist at the same time
...
It is ironic, of course, because I
know the answer now
...

There is beauty where we sit this
afternoon, Allie and I
...
They are here at the creek: the

birds, the geese, my friends
...
Allie too
is taken in by their wonder, and little by
little we get to know each other again
...
I find that I
miss it, even when it hasn’t been that
long
...
I am a stranger
...
“Do we sit here and watch the birds
a lot? I mean, do we know each other
well?”
“Yes and no
...
”
She looks to her hands, then mine
...

We do not wear our rings
...
She asks:
“Were you ever married?”
I nod
...
”
“What was she like?”
I tell the truth
...
She made me who
I am, and holding her in my arms was
more natural to me than my own heartbeat
...
Even now,
when I’m sitting here, I think about her
...
”
She takes this in
...
Finally she speaks softly,
her voice angelic, sensual
...


“Is she dead?”
What is death? I wonder, but I do not
say this
...
And she always will
be
...
But I love many things
...
I love to share
the beauty of this place with someone I
care about
...
”
She is quiet for a moment
...
It has been
her habit for years
...
This is good
...

“What?”

“Why are you spending the day with
me?” I smile
...
It’s not complicated
...
Don’t
dismiss my time with you—it’s not
wasted
...
I sit here and we
talk and I think to myself, What could be
better than what I am doing now?”
She looks me in the eyes, and for a
moment, just a moment, her eyes twinkle
...

“I like being with you, but if getting me
intrigued is what you’re after, you’ve
succeeded
...
I don’t
expect you to tell me your life story, but
why are you so mysterious?”
“I read once that women love

mysterious strangers
...
You haven’t answered most of
my questions
...
”
I shrug
...

Finally I ask: “Is it true?”
“Is what true?”
“That women love mysterious
strangers?”
She thinks about this and laughs
...
”
“Do you?”
“Now don’t go putting me on the spot
...
” She
is teasing me, and I enjoy it
...
This has taken us a lifetime to

learn
...
The young, brash
and impatient, must always break the
silence
...

Silence is holy
...

This is the great paradox
...
Deep breaths, relaxed
breaths, and there is a moment when she
dozes off, like those comfortable with one
another often do
...
Finally, when
she wakes, a miracle
...
It is a wonder I can

see it, but I can because the sun is bright
...

“Caspian stern,” I say softly, and we
devote our attention to it and stare as it
glides over Brices Creek
...

She is right about my evasiveness
...
So I limit myself
and answer only what is asked, sometimes
not too well, and I volunteer nothing
...
To limit the pain I limit my
answers
...
I
am sorry for this, but I will not change
...

Could I look myself in the mirror without
red eyes and quivering jaw and know I
have forgotten all that was important to
me? I could not and neither can she, for
when this odyssey began, this is how I
began
...
Her friends and her work
...

The days were hard on both of us
...
She
would stare at pictures of forgotten
offspring, hold paintbrushes that inspired
nothing, and read love letters that brought
back no joy
...

Our days were lost, and so was she
...

So I changed
...
And I learned what is obvious to
a child
...


That each day should be spent finding
beauty in flowers and poetry and talking to
animals
...
But most of all, I learned that
life is about sitting on benches next to
ancient creeks with my hand on her knee
and sometimes, on good days, for falling
in love
...

It is now dusk
...
She
is holding my arm, and I am her escort
...
Perhaps she is
charmed by me
...
Either way, I am smiling
to myself
...
”
She makes no response to this except to
squeeze my arm, and I can tell she likes
what I said
...
I go on:
“I know you can’t remember who you
are, but I can, and I find that when I look
at you, it makes me feel good
...
“You’re a
kind man with a loving heart
...
”
We walk some more
...
”
“Go ahead
...
”
“An admirer?”
“Yes
...
”

“You don’t believe me?”
“I believe you
...
”
“Why?”
“Because I think it is you
...
We come to the garden,
mainly wildflowers, and I stop her
...
I give
them to her, and she brings them to her
nose
...
”
We resume our walk, me in one hand, the
flowers in another
...

It is true in a way, though most times I do
not feel lucky
...


“Yes
...
” “What?”
“This,” she says, handing a small slip
of paper to me
...
”
I read it, and it says:
The body slows with mortal ache, yet
my promise remains true at the closing of
our days,
A tender touch that ends with a kiss
will awaken love in joyous ways
...

“I found this in the pocket of my coat
...

“I see,” and that is all I say
...
In time, silver twilight is the only
remainder of the day, and still we talk of
the poetry
...

By the time we reach the doorway, I am
tired
...
I do
and I realize how hunched over I have
become
...

Sometimes I am glad she doesn’t know
how much I have changed
...

“What are you doing?” I ask
...
”
Will it work this time? I wonder, then
know it will not
...
I do not tell her
my thoughts, though
...

“Thank you,” I say
...
I don’t want to forget you
again
...
I don’t
know what I would have done without you
today
...
There is
emotion behind her words, the emotions I
feel whenever I think of her
...
How I wish I were strong enough
to carry her in my arms to paradise
...
“Let’s just feel the moment
...


Her disease is worse now than it was in
the beginning, though Allie is different
from most
...
They,
unlike Allie, are in the most advanced
stages of Alzheimer’s and are almost
completely lost
...
They repeat
themselves over and over
...
The third has a tendency to wander
and get lost
...
Since
then she has been strapped to the bed
...
Seldom do they recognize the
staff or people who love them
...

Allie, of course, has her own problems,
too, problems that will probably grow
worse over time
...
She
sees tiny people, like gnomes, I think,
watching her, and she screams at them to
get away
...
She is thin now, much
too thin, in my opinion, and on good days I
do my best to fatten her up
...

This is why Allie is considered a miracle,
because sometimes, just sometimes, after I
read to her, her condition isn’t so bad
...
“It’s
impossible,” the doctors say
...
” But she does
...
On this there is agreement
...
Instead they look to science
...
Four times
they have left without understanding
...
With her condition, it’s just not
possible to have a conversation or
improve as the day goes on
...
”
But she does
...
But sometimes
...
But her emotions are
normal, her thoughts are normal
...

Dinner is waiting in her room when we
return
...

The people here take care of everything
...

The lights are dimmed, the room is lit
by two candles on the table where we will
sit, and music is playing softly in the
background
...
She inhales slightly at the
sight
...

“Did you do this?”
I nod and she walks in the room
...
”
I offer my arm in escort and lead her to
the window
...
Her touch is nice, and we
stand close together on this crystal
springtime evening
...
The moon has risen, and we watch
for a long time as the evening sky unfolds
...

“I haven’t, either,” I say, but I am
looking at her
...
A moment later she

whispers:
“I think I know who Allie went with at
the end of the story,” she says
...
”
“Who?”
“She went with Noah
...
”
I smile and nod
...
Her face is
radiant
...

She sits and I sit opposite her
...
Without
speaking, I stare at her for a long time,
living and reliving the moments of my life,

remembering it all and making it real
...
My
voice is shaky when I finally speak
...
I can see
in her eyes that she knows how I feel
about her and what I really mean by my
words
...
Instead she
lowers her eyes and I wonder what she’s
thinking
...
I wait
...

And then, a miracle that proves me
right
...
I see a

warm smile begin to form on her lips, the
kind that makes it all worthwhile, and I
watch as she raises her hazy eyes to mine
...

“You’re wonderful
...

She says nothing else right away, she
doesn’t have to, and she gives me a look
from another lifetime that makes me whole
again
...
I look around the room, then
up to the ceiling, then back at Allie, and
the way she’s looking at me makes me
warm
...

I’m no longer cold or aching, or hunched

over or deformed, or almost blind with
cataractal eyes
...

By the time the candles have burned
down a third, I am ready to break the
silence
...
”
“Of course I do,” she says breathlessly
...
”
Noah, I hear again
...
The word
echoes in my head
...
Noah
...

She knows
...

She murmurs, “Noah
...
” And I, who could not accept the
doctor’s words, have triumphed again, at
least for a moment
...
I say:
“You are the greatest thing that has ever
happened to me
...
Noah,” she says with tears in
her eyes, “I love you, too
...

But it won’t
...

“What’s wrong?” I ask, and her answer

comes softly
...
I’m afraid of forgetting
you again
...
I just can’t bear to
give this up
...
I know the
evening is coming to an end, and there is
nothing I can do to stop the inevitable
...
I finally tell her:
“I’ll never leave you
...
” She knows this is all I can do,
for neither of us wants empty promises
...

The crickets serenade us, and we begin
to pick at our dinner
...
She takes small bites and

chews a long time, but I am glad to see her
eat
...

After dinner, I become afraid despite
myself
...
The sun has long since set and the
thief is about to come, and there is nothing
I can do to stop it
...

Nothing
...

Nothing
...
Nothing
...
Nothing
...

And the thief comes
...
Even now, after all this time
...
Then, turning
toward the corner of the room, she stares
for a long time, concern etched on her
face
...
Not yet! Not now

...
Please! The
words are inside me
...
it isn’t fair
...

“Those people,” she finally says,
pointing, “are staring at me
...
”

The gnomes
...

My breathing stops for a moment, then
starts again, this time shallower
...
It is over, I know, and I am
right
...
This, the
evening confusion associated with
Alzheimer’s disease that affects my wife,
is the hardest part of all
...

“There’s no one there, Allie,” I say,
trying to fend off the inevitable
...

“They’re staring at me
...

“You can’t see them?”

“No,” I say, and she thinks for a
moment
...
”
With that, she begins to talk to herself,
and moments later, when I try to comfort
her, she flinches with wide eyes
...

“What are you doing here?” There is fear
growing inside her, and I hurt, for there is
nothing I can do
...

“Go away! Stay away from me!” she
screams
...

I stand and cross the room to her bed
...
I don’t know
where it comes from
...
They will
be here soon now, I know, and I wait for
them
...

Ten
...

Thirty seconds pass, and I continue to
stare, my eyes missing nothing,
remembering the moments we just shared
together
...

I sit by the bedside with an aching back

and start to cry as I pick up the notebook
...
I understand, for her
mind is gone
...
I am tired now,
so I sit, alone and apart from my wife
...
A woman
shaking in fear from demons in her mind,
and the old man who loves her more
deeply than life itself, crying softly in the
corner, his face in his hands
...
My door is partially open and I
see people walk by, some strangers, some
friends, and if I concentrate, I can hear
them talking about families, jobs, and
visits to parks
...

Another deadly sin, I know, but sometimes
I can’t help it
...
Barnwell is here, too, speaking
with one of the nurses, and I wonder who
is ill enough to warrant such a visit at this
hour
...

Spend the time with your family, I say,
they won’t be around forever
...
He cares for his
patients, he says, and must come here
when called
...
He wants to be a doctor
completely devoted to his patients and a
man completely devoted to his family
...
I

wonder, as his voice fades into the
background, which he will choose or
whether, sadly, the choice will be made
for him
...
It was happy and sad,
wonderful and heart-wrenching
...
I did not read to anyone this
evening; I could not, for poetic
introspection would bring me to tears
...
At
eleven o’clock I hear the familiar sounds
that for some reason I expected
...

Dr
...

“I noticed your light was on
...

He comes in and looks around the room
before taking a seat a few feet from me
...
” He smiles
...
I do not
know if his interest is entirely
professional
...
”
He cocks his head at my answer and
looks at me
...
”
“I’m fine
...
”
“How was Allie today?”
“She was okay
...
” “Four hours? Noah, that’s
...
”
I can only nod
...
“I’ve never seen anything like it, or

even heard about it
...
You two were meant for
each other
...

You know that, don’t you?”
“I know,” I say, but I can’t say anything
more
...
She was wonderful, actually
...
alone
...
”
“Nobody’s alone
...
”
The next few days passed without

significance
...
Though the end always comes too
soon, there was nothing lost that day, only
gained, and I was happy to have received
this blessing once again
...
Or at least
as normal as my life can be
...
Lying awake at night and sitting by
my heater in the morning
...

On a cool, foggy morning eight days
after she and I had spent our day together,
I woke early, as is my custom, and
puttered around my desk, alternately

looking at photographs and reading letters
written many years before
...
I couldn’t concentrate too well because
I had a headache, so I put them aside and
went to sit in my chair by the window to
watch the sun come up
...

I closed my eyes for a few minutes
while my head alternately pounded and
subsided
...
Unlike Allie, I had been given a
room where I could see it, and it has never
failed to inspire me
...
I
talked to it that morning, whispered so it

could hear, “You are blessed, my friend,
and I am blessed, and together we meet
the coming days
...
The creek and I
...
It is life, I think, to
watch the water
...

It happened as I sat in the chair, just as
the sun first peeked over the horizon
...
I
started to lift it, but I was forced to stop
when my head pounded again, this time
hard, almost as if I had been hit in the
head with a hammer
...
My hand
stopped tingling and began to go numb,

quickly, as if my nerves were suddenly
severed somewhere on my lower arm
...

I lost my sight, and I heard what
sounded like a train roaring inches from
my head, and I knew that I was having a
stroke
...
Just like me
...
I could hear
the faint hum of machines, droning on and
off, sometimes making sounds I could not
recognize
...

The doctors were worried
...
They whispered
their thoughts, thinking I couldn’t hear
...
” Grim
faces would prelude their predictions
—“loss of speech, loss of movement,
paralysis
...

I tried not to think of these things
afterward but instead concentrated on
Allie, bringing a picture of her to my mind
whenever I could
...
I
tried to feel her touch, hear her voice, see
her face, and when I did tears would fill
my eyes because I didn’t know if I would
be able to hold her again, to whisper to
her, to spend the day with her talking and
reading and walking
...
I’d

always assumed I would go last
...

I drifted in and out of consciousness for
days until another foggy morning when my
promise to Allie spurred my body once
again
...
I looked for the buzzer,
struggled to press it, and a nurse arrived
thirty seconds later, followed closely by
Dr
...

“I’m thirsty,” I said with a raspy voice,
and Dr
...

“Welcome back,” he said, “I knew
you’d make it
...


If I were a Cadillac, I would drive in
circles, one wheel turning, for the right
side of my body is weaker than the left
...

Sometimes, it seems, I am surrounded by
optimists
...
Not left-right-left
as was common in my youth, or even the
shuffle-shuffle of late, but rather slowshuffle, slide-the-right, slow-shuffle
...
It is slow going even for me, this
coming from a man who could barely
outpace a turtle two weeks ago
...
I
breathe deeply and smell the springtime
fragrances that filter through my room
...
I find that I am
invigorated by the change in temperature
...
I stop her, and though her
eyebrows rise, she accepts my decision
...
She
adjusts it as if I were a child, and when
she is finished, she puts her hand on my
shoulder and pats it gently
...
She does not move for a long

time, and I wonder what she is thinking,
but I do not ask
...

She turns to leave, and as she does, she
stops, leans forward, and then kisses me
on the cheek, tenderly, the way my
granddaughter does
...
Allie’s missed you and so
have the rest of us
...
” She
smiles at me and touches my face before
she leaves
...
Later I hear her
walk by again, pushing a cart, talking to
another nurse, their voices hushed
...
The crickets are
singing, and their sound drowns out
everything else
...
I search the trees, the courtyard,
the benches near the geese, looking for
signs of life, but there is nothing
...
In the darkness it looks like
empty space, and I find that I’m drawn to
its mystery
...
A storm is
coming, and in time the sky will turn
silver, like dusk again
...
Who are we, Allie
and I? Are we ancient ivy on a cypress
tree, tendrils and branches intertwined so
closely that we would both die if we were
forced apart? I don’t know
...


I had it framed years ago in the hope that
the glass would make it last forever
...
I stare at it for a long time, I can’t
help it
...
There are so many things I want
to ask her, but I know the picture won’t
answer, so I put it aside
...
I will always be alone
...
This I’m
sure of as I look out the window and
watch the storm clouds appear
...
Perhaps I never will
again
...
Why do I think such things?

I finally stand and walk to my desk and
turn on the lamp
...
I sit
down and spend a few minutes looking at
the pictures that sit on my desk
...
Pictures of Allie and me
...

I open a drawer and find the flowers I’d
once given her long ago, old and faded
and tied together with ribbon
...
But she saved
them
...
And sometimes in the

evenings I would see her holding them,
almost reverently, as if they offered the
secret of life itself
...

Since this seems to be a night of
memories, I look for and find my wedding
ring
...
I cannot wear it anymore because
my knuckles are swollen and my fingers
lack for blood
...
It is powerful, a
symbol, a circle, and I know, I know,
there could never have been another
...
And in
that moment I whisper aloud, “I am still
yours, Allie, my queen, my timeless
beauty
...
”
I wonder if she hears me when I say
this, and I wait for a sign
...

It is eleven-thirty and I look for the
letter she wrote me, the one I read when
the mood strikes me
...
I turn it over a couple of times
before I open it, and when I do my hands
begin to tremble
...
And though I can’t
hear the soft sounds of your
slumber, I know you are there, and
soon I will be lying next to you
again as I always have
...

I see the flame beside me and it
reminds me of another fire from
decades ago, with me in your soft
clothes and you in your jeans
...
My heart had been
captured, roped by a southern poet,
and I knew inside that it had always
been yours
...

I remember coming back to you
the next day, the day my mother
visited
...
I was shaking as
I got out of the car, but you took it
all away with your smile and the
way you held your hand out to me
...
And you never brought it
up again
...

Nor did you question me when I
would leave and walk alone the next
few days
...
I don’t know how
you knew, but you did, and you
made it easier for me
...

But more than that, I knew I was
foolish for ever
considering someone else
...

We had a wonderful life together,
and I think about it a lot now
...
Your clothes are stained
from hours of work and you are
tired, and though I offer you time to
relax, you smile and say, “That’s
what I am doing now
...
“You’re a better
father than you know,” I tell you
later, after the children are
sleeping
...

I love you for many things,
especially your passions, for they
have always been those things
which are most beautiful in life
...

And I am glad you have taught the
children these things, for I know
their lives are better for it
...

You have taught me as well, and
inspired me, and supported me in
my painting, and you will never
know how much it has meant to me
...
You
understood my need for my own
studio, my own space, and saw
beyond the paint on my clothes and
in my hair and sometimes on the
furniture
...
It
takes a man to do that, Noah, to live
with something like that
...
For forty-five years now
...

You are my best friend as well as
my lover, and I do not know which
side of you I enjoy the most
...
You
have something inside you, Noah,
something beautiful and strong
...
Kindness
...
God is with you, He must be,
for you are the closest thing to an
angel that I’ve ever met
...
And though you asked, I
never told you why, but now I think
it is time you knew
...
For we both know my
prognosis and
what it will mean to us
...

There are no words to express my
sorrow for this, and I am at a loss
for words
...
And this
is where the story comes in
...
And perhaps,
just perhaps, we will find a way to
be together again
...
Know
that I love you, that I always will,
and that no matter what happens,
know I have led the greatest life
possible
...

And if you save this letter to read
again, then believe what I am
writing for you now
...
I love you now as I
write this, and I love you now as
you read this
...
I love you
deeply, my husband
...

Allie
When I am finished with the letter, I put
it aside
...
They are near my bed, and I must
sit to put them on
...
I peek down
the hall and see Janice seated at the main
desk
...
I must
pass this desk to get to Allie’s room, but
at this hour I am not supposed to leave my
room, and Janice has never been one to

bend the rules
...

I wait to see if she will leave, but she
does not seem to be moving, and I grow
impatient
...

It takes aeons to close the distance, but for
some reason she does not see me
approaching
...

In the end I am discovered, but I am not
surprised
...

“Noah,” she says, “what are you
doing?”
“I’m taking a walk,” I say
...
”
“You know you’re not supposed to do
this
...
”

I don’t move, though
...

“You’re not really going for a walk, are
you? You’re going to see Allie
...

“Noah, you know what happened the
last time you saw her at night
...
”
“Then you know you shouldn’t be doing
this
...
Instead I say, “I
miss her
...
”
“It’s our anniversary,” I say
...
It is one year before gold
...

“I see
...
Her voice is softer now,

and I am surprised
...

“Noah, I’ve worked here for five years
and I worked at another home before that
...
No one
around here, not the doctors, not the
nurses, has ever seen anything like it
...

She wipes them with her finger and goes
on:
“I try to think what it’s like for you,
how you keep going day after day, but I
can’t even imagine it
...
You even beat her disease
sometimes
...
It’s love, it’s

as simple as that
...
”
A lump has risen in my throat, and I am
speechless
...
So go back to your
room
...
I won’t be back to check on you
for a while, so don’t do anything foolish
...
She doesn’t look
back, and suddenly I am alone
...
I look at where she
had been sitting and see her coffee, a full
cup, still steaming, and once again I learn
that there are good people in the world
...
I take steps
the size of Pixie straws, and even at that
pace it is dangerous, for my legs have
grown tired already
...
Lights
buzz overhead, their fluorescent glow
making my eyes ache, and I squint a little
...
They are my
friends, whose faces I know so well, and I
will see them all tomorrow
...
I press on, and the movement
forces blood through banished arteries
...
I hear a door open behind me, but I
don’t hear footsteps, and I keep going
...
I cannot be stopped
...
I am
a midnight bandit, masked and fleeing on
horseback from sleepy desert towns,
charging into yellow moons with gold dust
in my saddlebags
...

Who am I kidding?
I lead a simple life now
...
I am a sinner with
many faults and a man who believes in
magic, but I am too old to change and too
old to care
...
My legs wobble, my eyes are

blurred, and my heart is beating funny
inside my chest
...
The door opens and
light from the hallway spills in,
illuminating the bed where she sleeps
...

Her room is quiet, and she is lying with
the covers halfway up
...

She looks small in her bed, and as I watch
her I know it is over between us
...
This place has
become our tomb
...
Besides, it is written on the slip
of paper that I will slide under her pillow
...

I think I hear someone coming, so I
enter her room and close the door behind
me
...

I open the curtains, and the moon stares
back, large and full, the guardian of the
evening
...
Then I reach
across and gently touch her face, soft like
powder
...
I feel wonder, I feel awe, like
a composer first discovering the works of
Mozart
...
I am impulsive and weak,
this I know, but I feel an urge to attempt
the impossible and I lean toward her, our
faces drawing closer
...
And suddenly, a miracle, for I feel
her mouth open and I discover a forgotten
paradise, unchanged all this time, ageless

like the stars
...
I close my eyes and become a
mighty ship in churning waters, strong and
fearless, and she is my sails
...
I kiss her lips, her cheeks, and
listen as she takes a breath
...
I’ve missed you
...
For
at that moment, the world is full of wonder
as I feel her fingers reach for the buttons
on my shirt and slowly, ever so slowly,
she begins to undo them one by one
...

experiences or the
experiences of those you
know?
The Notebook was
originally inspired by the
story of my wife’s beloved
grandparents
...

A
...
The
Notebook attempts to
describe such a love
...
Many changes

were made regarding their
story, in order to make the
novel more universal, while
staying committed to my
original intent
...

What do you think its
overriding appeal is?
It’s never simple to pinpoint
the reasons for a book’s
success
...
It
seems that nearly everyone
I spoke with about the
novel knew a “Noah and
A
...
As
people made this
connection, the book
became a so-called “word
of mouth” success, with
those who enjoyed it
recommending it to others
...

On a more practical level,
the novel’s short length was
appealing to many people
...
I think that readers
also appreciated that the
novel did not include foul

language and its love scene
was tasteful and mild
compared to what’s found
in many other novels
...

Finally, I can’t ignore the
fact that the publisher did
an outstanding job with the
novel
...

In addition, I was sent on a
fifty-city tour (unusually
large, by the way) and that
also helped get the word
out
...
power of “true love
...
True love

exists and there’s evidence
of it every day
...
It seems that most
people feel that the school
their child goes to is
wonderful, but elsewhere,
A
...
But if
most people feel that way,
then it becomes a
contradiction
...
People

feel it in their own lives, but
doubt if other people do
...
I think The Notebook
tapped into that feeling
...

Q
...


Last night, for instance, a
friend of mine got hurt
...
care clinic, I took him to
the doctor’s house
...
No
charge, by the way
...
Simpler, less rushed,
more community oriented,
things like that
...
How did
someone as young as
Q
...
Though I can’t describe
the process of writing and
A
...

First, I tend to assume that
most people— male or
female, young or old—have
largely the same types of
thoughts
...
So I try to put
myself in their shoes and
see the world the way they
do
...
Either way, I ask
myself, “Why?” Finally, I
work hard at it—I edit
constantly, until it “feels

right” to me
...
plays such a
Letter writing
big part in The Notebook
...
I’m
neither the first nor the
finest to use it
...
and sparingly
...


of a novel written primarily
in third person, for
instance, a letter might
allow for deeper insight,
since a letter is written in
first person
...
Call it oldfashioned, but that’s how
my wife and I fell in love
...


She’s told me often that it
was the most romantic
thing that had ever been
done for her
...
life? Do you find that your
family lifestyle has changed
much? Or your values?
The success has been
wonderful
...
that, it’s allowed me to
spend far more time with
my family
...
that, our
But other than
lifestyle is still largely
unchanged
...

Nor have our values
changed
...
Our
relationship with each
other, with our children,
with our community, and
with God will always be the

most important things in our
lives
...

so many people whose lives
were affected by your
book?
That was truly wonderful
...
about their impressions of
the novel
...

What advice do you have
for aspiring writers?
My advice is four-fold
...
Read all types of
novels—don’t limit yourself
to one genre
...
strengths and weaknesses
...


good at describing romance
or love
...

Second, learn as much as
you can about publishing
...

There’s a wealth of
information in any
bookstore and it’s
important to understand the
business aspects of writing
...

Third, have realistic goals
for the type of writer you
want to be
...
” Or is your goal
simply to get published? If
so, write what you want,
but write it well
...
You
can’t be a writer without
writing
...
At one point in the novel Gus says
to Noah, “My daddy used to tell me
‘the first time you fall in love, it
changes your life forever, and no
matter how hard you try, the feelin’
never goes away
...

And no matter what you do, she’ll
stay with you forever
...
The restored house Noah lives in
plays an integral role in the novel
...
What do you think the house

represents? What does this say about
the importance of place? Does Noah
restore anything else in this novel?
3
...
When asked by her mother, Allie
claims to love both Noah and Lon
...
Allie’s mother regrets having hid
Noah’s letters to Allie for so many
years
...
Were you at all surprised when it
is revealed that Allie had decided to
marry Noah, or was there never any
question in your mind?
7
...
Is it possible for the
intensity of first love to last that
long? Is it unrealistic to expect it to?
8
...
As a result, Allie is
in much better shape than the other
Alzheimer’s patients
...
The letters Noah and Allie write
to each other, the poems they share,
“The Notebook” Noah reads to Allie
every day are all integral parts of this

novel
...
What does this suggest about the
power of the written word? Why is
this power such an important part of
The Notebook?
1 0
...
Why do you think
this is? What is it about the book that
speaks to such a broad range of
people?

Nicholas Sparks on
Nicholas Sparks
I was born in Omaha, Nebraska, on New
Year’s Eve, a scant eighty minutes prior to
1966
...
Short on tip
money but long on pride, he demanded the
finest obstetrician in Omaha, and I was
brought into this world for $124, which
covered not only my care, but two days in
the hospital for my mother
...
I spent two years
there and my memory of the place is
limited
...

Los Angeles—my home for four years
while my father went to the University of
Southern California for his Ph
...
—is also
fairly shadowy
...
In 1973, I went to Grand Island,
Nebraska, for a year with my mom (and
brother and sister) while my dad did his

thesis, then we all returned to Fair Oaks,
California, on December 1, 1974
...

Perhaps that’s why I seem to associate
Darrin Mc-Gavin with my adopted
hometown
...
My first teacher
had flaming red hair; a big, round face;
and a fondness for Nile green evening
dresses that draped her rather large body
...


High school was better
...
I ended up as the
valedictorian, but I couldn’t give the
commencement address
...
I
hold a number of school records at my
high school, and received a full track
scholarship to the University of Notre
Dame
...

Damn good
...
I got injured,
went a little insane, and after breaking the
Notre Dame record in the 4 x 800 relay (at
the Drake relays—a record that still
stands), I spent the rest of the year icing
my Achilles tendon
...
”
I asked “What?”
She shrugged and said, “I don’t know
...
write a book
...
I laid it to rest in a literary
graveyard of sorts—my attic—and it’s
still there, next to my football card
collection
...
That was
the humble birth of my Faulknerian career
...
I met a girl—

Cathy—on spring break in Florida
...
I told her the day after we
met that we would be married someday
...

In July 1989, we married
...
Better writing this time—
wonderful dialogue, but too damn long
...
I decided to concentrate on another
career
...
I appraised real estate, bought
and restored houses, waited tables, sold

dental products by phone, and finally
started my own business (manufacturing
orthopedic products)
...
Thirty-thousand
dollars in credit-card debt later, I realized
my folly, big as a whale
...
I
pressed on, and eventually it worked out
— sort of
...
We celebrated our
smashing success wildly and without care,
and nine months later Miles Andrew was
born
...
It
did well regionally and was picked up by
Random House in 1994
...
Pharmaceutical
Sales, the ad read
...
The hours are
good, the pay is good, and I only see my
boss once a month
...
I asked for and received a
transfer from Sacramento to New Bern,
North Carolina, and in December 1992
we moved across the country to a place
we’d never seen
...

Midtwenties life check
...
Cheers, the television
show, broadcast its final episode
...
Cheers had
been on for eleven years—an entire era of
my life—and yet, I still hadn’t fulfilled my
dreams
...
M
...
A good one
though, not a half-hearted effort like
before
...
At the time, Alzheimer’s was big in
the news, and I decided that would be the
“vehicle” I would use to create a sense of
tragedy necessary for a quality love story
...

In February, my company transferred
my family from New Bern to Greenville,
South Carolina
...
On October 19, the book
arrived in New York and on October 23,
1995, at 12:02 P
...
, my life changed
forever
...


More
Nicholas Sparks!
Please turn this page for a preview of

The Wedding
Nicholas Sparks’s long-awaited sequel to
The Notebook
...

I’m alone outside
...
Midnight
has come and gone, and there’s a
crispness in the air that holds the promise
of an early winter
...

Above me, the stars are specks of silver
paint on a charcoal canvas
...
Constellations shine with
light that was emitted aeons ago, and I
wait for something to come to me, words
that a poet might use to illuminate life’s
mysteries
...

This doesn’t surprise me
...
I do not lose myself in films or
plays, I’ve never been a dreamer, and if I
aspire to any art form at all, it is one
defined by rules of the Internal Revenue
Service and codified by law
...
But
even if they’re right, what can I do? I
make no excuses for myself, and by the
end of my story, I hope you’ll view my
character flaws with a forgiving eye
...
I may not
be sentimental, but I’m not completely
without emotion and there are moments
when I’m struck by a deep sense of
wonder
...
Last week, I felt my throat tighten
when I watched a young boy reach for his
father’s hand as they strolled down the

sidewalk
...
When the next brilliant flash
illuminates the sky, I sometimes find
myself filled with longing, though I’m at a
loss to tell you what it is that I feel my life
is missing
...
It is also the story
of my marriage, and despite the thirty
years that Jane and I have spent together, I
suppose I should begin by admitting that
others know far more about marriage than
I
...
It pains me to admit that I’ve been
blind and stubborn and dumb as a goldfish

in the course of my marriage
...
While this may strike
some as a given, I suppose you should
know that there was a time when I was
certain that my wife didn’t feel the same
way about me
...
We’ve moved four times,
and though I’ve been successful in my
profession, there were many sacrifices
made in order to secure this position—
sacrifices that in retrospect seem
impossibly costly
...
It goes without saying
that their teenage years were an
experience I would rather not relive
...
This,
I’ve come to believe, is both the blessing
and the curse of marriage
...

Why do I mention this? Because I want
to underscore that throughout all these
events, I never doubted my feelings for my
wife
...
It would be
dishonest to say that I haven’t wondered
what would have happened had I married
someone else, but in all the years we spent
together, I never once regretted the fact
that I had chosen her, and she, me
...
I
learned that a little more than a year ago—
fourteen months, to be exact—and it was
that realization, more than anything, which
set in motion all that was to come
...
A sudden desire to change
my life, perhaps, or maybe a crime of the
heart
...


No, my sin was a small one in the grand
scheme of things, an incident that under
different circumstances might have been
the subject of a humorous anecdote in later
years
...

It was August 22, 2002, and what I did
was this: I rose and ate breakfast, then
spent the day at the office, as is my
custom
...
I arrived home at my
regular hour and was pleasantly surprised
to see Jane preparing my favorite meal in
the kitchen
...
I kissed her and an hour later, we
ate dinner together, discussing our
children and my work, the type of
conversation that had become routine for
us
...
Carrying them to my
office, I was perusing the first page when I
noticed Jane standing in the doorway
...

“Is there anything you want to say?” she
finally asked
...
I
thought perhaps that she was referring to a
new hairstyle, but looking carefully, her
hair seemed no different than usual
...
I
was at a loss, and as we stood before each
other, I knew I had to offer something
...

She gave a strange half-smile in
response and silently turned away
...

Later that evening, I’d crawled into bed
and was heaving a comfortable sigh when
I heard Jane draw a single, rapid breath
...
It suddenly
struck me that she was crying
...
My throat
instinctively tightened and I found myself
growing frightened
...
I tried not to think that
there might be a problem I couldn’t solve,
and I placed my hand on her back in the
hope that I could somehow comfort her
...

It was a moment before she answered
...

“Happy anniversary,” she finally
whispered
...

Quite simply, I had forgotten
...
What would be the point?
I apologized of course, then apologized
again the following morning, and later in
the evening, when she opened the perfume
I’d carefully selected with the help of a
young lady at Belk’s, she thanked me and
patted my leg
...
But as I studied her—
noticing perhaps for the first time the
absent look in her eyes, the sad tilt of her
head—I suddenly realized that I wasn’t
quite sure whether she still loved me
...
After Jane had carried
the perfume up to our bedroom, I sat on
the couch for hours, wondering how this
situation had come to pass
...

Had our marriage turned out to be a
disappointment for Jane? The thought
disturbed me, for although our life
together might be considered fairly

ordinary, I always assumed that Jane was
as content as I
...
For the past thirty
years, I’ve worked with the law firm of
Ambry, Saxon and Tundle in New Bern,
North Carolina
...
Though Jane was once an
elementary school teacher, she spent the
majority of our married life raising three
children
...
Our brick home is complete
with a picket fence and automatic

sprinklers, we own two cars and are
members of both the Rotary Club and the
Chamber of Commerce
...

At fifty-six, I’m three years older than my
wife
...
We’re different in almost
every way, and though opposites can and
do attract, I have always felt that I made
the better choice on our wedding day
...
While I tend toward
stoicism and logic, Jane is outgoing and
kind, with a natural empathy that endears
her to others
...
Over the years,
I’ve come to realize that most of my
friends are, in fact, the husbands of my
wife’s friends, but I believe this is
common for most married couples our
age
...
Had we not been married, I
sometimes think that I would have led the
life of a monk
...
When she’s
sad, she cries; when she’s happy she
smiles, and her expression when she’s
surprised never fails to delight me
...

Sometimes when she’s daydreaming, I’ll
ask her what she’s thinking about and
she’ll suddenly begin speaking in giddy
tones about something I’ve long forgotten
...

While Jane has been blessed with the
tenderest of hearts, in many ways, she’s
stronger than I am
...
For Jane, hard
decisions are reached instinctively—and
are almost always right— while I, on the
other hand, find myself weighing endless
options and frequently second-guessing
myself
...
This lack of concern about
other people’s perceptions requires a
confidence that I’ve always found elusive,
and above all else, I envy this about her
...

While Jane was raised in a small town
with three siblings and parents who
adored her, I was raised in a town house
in Washington, D
...
, as the only child of
government lawyers, and my parents were

seldom home before seven o’clock in the
evening
...

As I’ve already mentioned, we have
three children, and though I love them
dearly, they are for the most part the
products of my wife
...
I feel the occasional
pang of regret at the thought of all I missed
while spending so many hours at the office
and in my den
...
They’re grown now
and living on their own, but we’re
fortunate that only one has moved out of
state
...

At twenty-seven, Anna is the oldest
...

She was a brooder who spent her teenage
years locked in her room, listening to
gloomy music and writing in a diary
...
Everything I said seemed to
elicit only sighs or shakes of her head; and
if I asked what was wrong, she would
stare at me as if the question was
incomprehensible
...
Sometimes,
I’d pass by Anna’s room and hear
Anna and Jane whispering to each
other; but if they heard me outside the
door, the whispering would stop
...

Yet because she was my firstborn, Anna
has always been my favorite
...
There’s a special
bond between us
...
I
can still remember times when I would be

working in my den, and she would slip
through the door
...

Over time, I learned not to speak, and she
would sometimes sit in the office for an
hour, watching me as I scribbled on
yellow legal tablets
...

Currently, Anna is working for the
Raleigh News and Observer, but I think
she has dreams of becoming a novelist
...
I recall reading one in
which a young girl becomes a prostitute to

care for her sick father, a man who had
once molested her
...

She is also madly in love
...
He’s a
resident in orthopedics at Duke Medical
School
...
Later that
week, when Anna brought him by the
house, Keith came dressed in a sport coat,
freshly showered and smelling faintly of
cologne
...
Lewis
...
He’s taller and thinner
than I am, wears jeans to most social
functions, and when he visits at
Thanksgiving or Christmas, he eats only
vegetables
...

They’ve been nothing but nubs since he
was five years old
...
He now
works for a battered women’s shelter in
New York City, though he tells us nothing
more about his job
...
It is with
Joseph that I have the conversations that I
always wished to have with my children
when I held them as infants
...
It goes
without saying that I am often at a
disadvantage when it comes to debating
him, but it is during such moments that I
am especially proud to call him my son
...
Instead of
coming home during the summers like
most students, she takes additional classes

with the intention of graduating early, and
spends her afternoons working at a place
called Animal Farm
...
Like
Anna, she loved to visit me in my den,
though she was happiest when I gave her
my full attention
...
My shelves are covered
with the gifts she made me growing up:
plaster casts of her hand prints, drawings
in crayon, a necklace made from
macaroni
...
I was not surprised when
she was named the homecoming queen at
her high school three years ago
...
Everyone in her
class was always invited to her birthday
parties for fear of hurting someone’s
feelings, and when she was nine, she once
spent an afternoon walking from towel to
towel at the beach because she’d found a
discarded watch in the surf and wanted to
return it to its owner
...
Her energy is infectious, and when
we’re together, I wonder how it is I could
have been so blessed
...

Where music once blared, there is
nothing but stillness; while our pantry
once shelved eight different types of

sugared cereal, there is now a single
brand that promises extra fiber
...
It is
the emptiness of the house that seems to
dominate
...
Perhaps even my
forgetfulness was simply a symptom of
everything that had changed between us
...

Our conversations of late tended to run
out of steam after the first few exchanges,
but I attributed this to the simple notion
that after so many years, we could pretty
much anticipate each other’s responses
...

No matter how hard I strained that
night, I couldn’t pinpoint when exactly our
conversations had become so predictable
...

You can imagine, then, my surprise two
weeks later when Jane made an
announcement over dinner
...
” A bottle of wine stood
on the table between us, our meals nearly
finished
...
”
“Won’t he be here for the holidays?”
“Yes, but that’s not for a couple of
months
...
”
I reached for my wineglass
...
“We haven’t been to
New York since he first moved there
...
Perhaps that had
even been the reason for Jane’s
suggestion
...
“There’s something else,
too
...
”
“I think I can clear up my schedule for a
few days,” I said, already mentally leafing
through my work calendar
...
“When did you
want to go?”

“Well, that’s the thing
...

“What’s the thing?”
“Wilson, please let me finish,” she said
wearily
...
“What I
was trying to say was that I think I might
like to visit him by myself
...

“You’re upset, aren’t you?” she asked
...
“He’s our son
...
“So when were
you thinking about heading up there?” I
asked
...
“On Thursday
...


Though she wasn’t quite finished with
her meal, she rose and headed to the
kitchen
...
A
moment later, I was alone at the table
...

“Sounds like it’ll be fun,” I called out,
with what I hope sounded like
nonchalance
...
Maybe there’s a show or
something that you could see while you’re
up there
...
“I guess it
depends on his schedule
...

Jane said nothing as I approached
...

She reached for my plate and began to
rinse, her eyes still focused on her task
...

“Yes?”
“I was thinking about staying up there
for more than just the weekend
...

“How long are you planning to stay?” I
asked
...
“A
couple weeks,” she answered
...
Somehow
I knew I bore much of the responsibility,
even if I hadn’t put all of the pieces of
why and how together yet
...
I
know, for instance, that she wished I were
more romantic, the way her own father
had been with her mother
...

Even as a child, Jane was enthralled by
her parents’ romance
...
It
isn’t that I haven’t made attempts, I just
don’t seem to have an understanding of
what it takes to make another’s heart start
fluttering
...
“Tell her why you
love her,” he said, “and give specific
reasons
...
Eventually I put the pen aside
...
I’m
steady, yes
...

Faithful, without a doubt
...

I sometimes wonder how many other
men are exactly like me
...

“Hi, Dad,” he said simply
...
“It’s quiet around here,
but I’m doing okay
...
I’ve been keeping her busy
...
Mainly we’ve been doing a
lot of talking
...
”
I hesitated
...
I finally cleared my throat
...
“Is she around?”
“Actually, she isn’t
...
She’ll be back in a few
minutes, though, if you want to call back
...
“Just let her
know that I called
...
”

“Will do,” he agreed
...
”
“Yes?”
“Did you really forget your
anniversary?” I closed my eyes
...
”
“How come?”
“I don’t know,” I said
...
I don’t
have an excuse
...

“I know
...
“Do you understand why?” he
finally asked
...
Quite simply,
Jane didn’t want us to end up like the
elderly couples we sometimes saw when
dining out, couples that have always
aroused our pity
...
The husband
might pull out a chair or collect the
jackets, the wife might suggest one of the
specials
...

But then, once the order is placed, not a
word passes between them
...
Placing their napkins in
their laps, they silently wait for their food

to arrive
...

Perhaps this is an exaggeration on my
part of what their lives are really like, but
I’ve occasionally wondered what brought
these couples to this point
...

When I picked Jane up from the airport,
I remember feeling strangely nervous
...

I immediately reached for her carry-on
...

“It was good,” she said
...
It’s
so busy and noisy all the time
...
”
“Glad you’re home, then?”
“Yes,” she said
...
But I’m tired
...
Trips are always tiring
...
I shifted from one foot to the
other
...

“He’s good
...
”
“Anything exciting going on with him
that you didn’t mention on the phone?”
“Not really
...
” There it was—a hint of

sadness in her tone, one that I didn’t quite
understand
...

I smiled
...

She looked up at me, held my eyes, then
finally turned toward the luggage carousel
...
”
This was our state of affairs one year
ago
...

Instead, our life went on as it had before,
one unmemorable day after the next
...
Try as I
might, I was at a loss as to what to do
about it
...

His name is Noah Calhoun, and if you
knew him, you would understand why I
went to see him that day
...
Noah
now sleeps alone
...
Most days,
when I went to visit him, he was seated on
a bench near the pond, and I remember

moving to the window to make sure he
was there
...
He was
eighty-seven years old, a widower with
hands that had curled with arthritis, and
his health was precarious
...
They’d
sat Jane and me down in the office a year
earlier, and eyed us gravely
...
For my part, I wasn’t so sure
...
With the exception of Jane, he
was my dearest friend, and when I saw his
solitary figure, I couldn’t help but ache for
all that he had lost
...
Allie suffered
from Alzheimer’s in the final years of her
life, an intrinsically evil disease
...
What are we, after all, without our
memories, without our dreams? Watching
the progression was like watching a slowmotion picture of an inevitable tragedy
...
For Noah, however, it was the
hardest of all
...

Leaving his room, I made my way to the
courtyard
...
The leaves were brilliant in the
slanting sunshine, and the air carried the
faint scent of chimney smoke
...
He was feeding a swan
as I approached, and when I reached his
side, I put a grocery bag on the ground
...

Noah always had me purchase the same
items when I came to visit
...
I knew I could
call him Dad as Jane did with my father,

but I’ve never felt comfortable with this
and Noah never seemed to mind
...
“Hello, Wilson,” he said
...
”
I rested a hand on his shoulder
...
Then, with a mischievous grin:
“Could be worse, though, too
...
He patted the bench
and I took a seat next to him
...
Fallen leaves resembled a
kaleidoscope as they floated on the water
...

“I’ve come to ask you something,” I
finally said
...
The swan bobbed its beak
toward it and straightened its neck to
swallow
...

“Jane,” he murmured softly
...

“She’ll be coming by later, I suppose
...
For the past few years,
we’ve visited Noah frequently, sometimes
together, sometimes alone
...

“And the kids?”
“They’re doing well, too
...
It’s in Queens, I
think, but right near the subway
...
She told us she aced
her midterms
...
“You’re very lucky, Wilson,” he
said
...
”
“I do,” I said
...
Up close, the lines in his face formed
crevices, and I could see the veins pulsing
below the thinning skin of his hands
...

“I forgot our anniversary,” I said
...

“Mmm
...

“I’m worried about us,” I finally
admitted
...
At first, I thought
he would ask me why I was worried, but
instead, Noah squinted, trying to read my
face
...
When
he spoke, his voice was soft and low, an
aging baritone tempered by a southern
accent
...
He used to read to her from a
notebook that he’d written before they
moved to Creekside
...

The lucidity never lasted long—and as the
disease progressed further, it ceased
completely—but when it happened,
Allie’s improvement was dramatic enough
for specialists to travel from Chapel Hill
to Creekside in the hopes of understanding
it
...
Why it
worked, however, was something the
specialists were never able to figure out
...

I brought my hands to my lap
...
“It helped Allie
...
”
“Yes,” he said, “that’s true
...
“But that wasn’t the only
reason why I did it
...
A
lot of folks didn’t understand that
...
In the silence,
the swan stopped circling and moved
closer
...
It seemed to hover in place
when Noah began speaking again
...

I knew he was referring to those rare
days when Allie recognized him
...

“Falling in love,” he said
...
On her good days, it was like
we were just starting out all over again
...

“That’s what I mean when I say that I did
it for me
...
And that’s the most
wonderful feeling in the world
...

Instead, we spent the next hour
discussing the children and his health
...
After
I left, however, I thought about our visit
...
He had not only

known that I would be coming to see him,
I realized, but anticipated the reason for
my visit
...

It was then, I remember thinking, that I
knew what I had to do

---