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Parenting Styles
Introduction
Parenting is a complex occupation that includes many specific behaviours that work individually
and together to influence children’s development
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Parenting styles have been described by numerous researchers
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Thus, the parenting styles she describes capture two important elements of parenting, that
is, parental responsiveness and demands
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The subsequent categorization of parents according to whether they are high or low on parental
demands or responsiveness creates a typology of four parenting styles namely:
1
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Authoritarian
3
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Uninvolved
In addition to being responsive or demanding each parenting style defers in the extent to which it
is characterized by psychological control
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One key difference between
authoritarian and authoritative parenting is psychological control
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Authoritarian parents however also expect their children to accept their judgment,
values and goals without questions
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Therefore although authoritative
and authoritarian parents are equally high in behavioural control, authoritative parents tend to be
low in psychological control while authoritarian parents tend to be high
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Children
and adolescents whose parents are authoritative tend to be more competent and display better social
skills
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Children and adolescents from authoritarian families tend to perform moderately well in school;
have poor social skills, lower levels of self-esteem and high levels of depressions
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Parenting styles provide a predictor of children’s well being
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Authoritative parenting which balances
clear high parental demands with emotional responsiveness and recognition of child’s autonomy
is one of the most consistent family predictor of competence from early childhood through
adolescence
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Consistency- This is the ability to maintain a particular standard or to be able to repeat a
particular task with minimal variation
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If left the child knows what to expect
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Confidence- Confidence is a belief in ones own ability/abilities it is also an attribute that
can determine whether or not a parent is in charge or if it’s the child that has the upper
hand
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III
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When parents put up walls around themselves and do not
allow their children to discuss certain matters with them, these children might decide to
seek answers elsewhere
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IV
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It is
difficulty to learn common sense
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Parents need to be logical
when making decisions
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Composure- Having a calm and steady control over one’s emotions
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Some parents for example
burnschildren as way of “disciplining” them
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Contentedness- Being linked or joined firmly together parents should form a bond with
their children
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VII
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They
can be negative or positive
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For example, giving a child what he wants
so that he can stop throwing tantrums results in a positive consequence for throwing a
tantrum
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We can expect that,
the child will throw another tantrum next time he wants something
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Family
meetings can be structured and rather formal or flexible and informal
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No one is less important than another, and family
members contribute according to their age and ability
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Family meetings are an excellent way to practice problemsolving skills, promote communication and build family unity
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Also, children are able to see their
family working together as a group
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Regularly scheduled meetings might deal with daily decisions such as who will drive the kids to
sports practice or how chores are to be distributed
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At times meetings may cover major issues such as setting new family goals or developing a plan
of action for handling a drop in family income
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How to Start a Family Meeting
The process is easier to initiate if meetings begin when children are young (age 4 to 5)
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There may be negative reactions
and resistance at first, but most children come to value the process once they understand it's a time
to air concerns, discuss possible solutions and share positive moments
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If you're comfortable
sharing feelings and have an open communication style, you may be able to begin with more
structure
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Open with each member stating one positive thing they have appreciated about each
member since the last meeting
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Ask for subjects of concern or issues for discussion
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3
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Meetings may be called at any time,
incorporated into driving time when schedules are tight or following a family meal
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If your children are older and you're new to
this process, try starting more informally, such as:
1
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2
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3
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4
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General Guidelines for Effective Family Meetings
1
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2
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Weekly is a good way to start
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 Establish and stick to time limits
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 Encourage everyone to bring up issues
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 Don't permit meetings to become gripe sessions
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Use your communication skills
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 Evaluate decisions at the next meeting
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Meetings are not
therapy sessions
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Seek
professional help for problems
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Decision making is still
important for everyone
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No one person should have
control over meetings
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3
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At the time agreements are made, build in logical
consequences for broken agreements
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All members participate in family meetings as equals
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Family meetings are important if families want to function democratically
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Their reaction is likely to be much of puzzlement
rather than giving any serious thought to what it was like when their parents were growing up
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Most kids enjoy
stories
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The better approach would be to remind the child of what is expected of him or her
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He or she should explain exactly why the rule exists and
therefore why it should be observed
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If children have an alternative
plan, be open to trying their ideas for a certain period of time
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This is a valuable learning
experience
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Being a Mind Reader
Too often communication with family members doesn't go far enough
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If a parent thinks the assigned child will do the chore right away and the child thinks he will to do
it after playing some game, or at a later date, then they have different expectations
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This type of
incomplete communication, in which expectations are not clearly spelled out, is very confusing
and leads to problems
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It's
easy to let off steam after something negative has happened, and some people believe it's good for
your mental health to do this
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While expressing anger is
okay, how one expresses it is important
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After all, the parent is the grown-up, and is modelling behaviour he or she
wants children (or your spouse) to copy
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Some people count to 10 or say to themselves, "Life is short; I'm not going
to let myself get upset about this
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I can't
talk about it
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"
Separating oneself from the situation or the person is often an effective strategy to pave the way
for a discussion when everyone is calmed down
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We are often so busy thinking of what we're going
to say next that we don't listen to what someone is saying to us
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It's even harder with very young children who take a long time
to put their thoughts into words
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We not only need to listen to children and adults but we need to
acknowledge that we have heard and understood what they said
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Body language and facial expressions also send
messages
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Bedtime, when children are settled into bed and not before, is probably the most comfortable time
for easy chats
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When children reach school age and beyond, they are not always so open about telling you what's
on their minds
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Even the busiest parent should try to find time to just be with a schoolage or adolescent child
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Doing chores together
can be an opportunity for a good relaxed interaction, as long as there's no interfering comment
about how well a job is being done
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N
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Families in Kenya
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corwin
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, & Mburugu, E
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Kikuyu bridewealth and polygyny today
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Parent involvement: A review of research and principles of successful
practice
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Boocock, S
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(1995)
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The Future
of Children, 5(3), 94-114
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(1978)
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New York: Jason
Aronson
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(1970)
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Evanston, IL: Northwestern Press
Cummings
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M
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(1994)
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New York: Guilford
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(1983)
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Rodolfo A, Bulatao and Ronald Lee, New York; London
Academic Press
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Tradition or transition? Rural and urban kinsmen in East Africa
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& Sharma, A
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Globalization and postcolonial states
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and Cox, R
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Lamb, M
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), Non-traditional Families
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Recent evidence from randomized trials
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