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THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Stephen R
...

-- Warren Bennis, author of On Becoming a Leader
I've never known any teacher or mentor on improving personal effectiveness to generate such an
overwhelmingly positive reaction
...

I think anyone reading it will quickly understand the enormous reaction I and others have had to Dr
...

-- John Pepper, President, Procter and Gamble
Stephen Covey is an American Socrates, opening your mind to the 'permanent things' -- values,
family, relationships, communicating
...
Covey's book teaches with power, conviction, and feeling
...
As an educator,
I think this book to be a significant addition to my library
...
In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, he offers us an
opportunity, not a how-to guide
...
It is a wonderful book that could change
your life
...
That it works is apparent
...
Christensen, President, Public Broadcasting Service
At a time when American organizations desperately need to energize people and produce leaders at
all levels, Covey provides an empowering philosophy for life that is also the best guarantee of success
in business
...

-- Rosabeth Moss Kanter, editor of the Harvard Business Review and author of When Giants Learn to Dance
I have learned so much from Stephen Covey over the years that every time I sit down to write, I'm
worried about subconscious plagiarism! Seven Habits is not pop psychology or trendy self-help
...

-- Richard M
...
It would be far more effective than any legislation regarding ethical conduct
...

-- Dun's Business Month

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Stephen Covey's inspirational book will undoubtedly be the psychology handbook of the '90s
...
These principles,
however, are like an opera
...
In fact, I keep referring to it
...
DeVos, President, Amway
Winning is a habit
...
Twenty-five years of experience, thought, and research have
convinced Covey that seven habits distinguish the happy, healthy, successful from those who fail or
who must sacrifice meaning and happiness for success in the narrow sense
...
Covey is a marvelous human being
...

The equivalent of an entire library of success literature is found in this one volume
...

-- Ken Blanchard, Ph
...
, author of The One-Minute Manager
The Seven Habits are keys to success for people in all walks of life
...

-- Edward A
...
His book is not a
photograph, but a process, and should be treated as such
...

There are many more than seven good reasons to read this book
...
Stephen Covey has
encapsulated the strategies used by all those who are highly effective
...

-- Charles Givens, President, Charles J
...
, author of Wealth Without Risk
I know of no one who has contributed more to helping leaders in our society than Stephen R
...
There is no literate person in our society who would not benefit by reading this book and
applying its principles
-- Senator Orrin G
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He lives what he says and this book can help you live, permanently, in the "Winner's Circle
...
Denis Waitley, author of The Psychology of Winning
It's powerful reading
...
I highly recommend it
...

-- James C
...
Dr
...
We now have a blueprint for opening the
American mind
...
It does a better job of inspiring a person to integrate the
different responsibilities in one's life -- personal, family, and professional -- than any other book I have
read
...
Thompson, Dean, Marriott School of Management, BYU and author of Novation
Goodbye, Dale Carnegie
...
His principles
are powerful
...
Buy this book
...

-- Robert G
...
The best way to accomplish this goal is through enhancing the human resource
...

Covey's Seven Habits provides the guidelines for this to happen
...

-- F
...
"Buck" Rodgers, author of The IBM Way
This book is filled with practical wisdom for people who want to take control of their lives, their
business and their careers
...

-- Gifford Pinchot III, author of Intrapreneuring
Most of my learning has come from modeling after other people and what they do
...

-- Fran Tarkenton, NFL Hall of Fame quarterback
Not only does the "character ethic" win hands down every time over the "personality ethic" in the
battle of effectiveness, it also will bring greater fulfillment and joy to individuals seeking meaning in
their personal and professional lives
...
Stephen Covey is a master of them
...
At the end, you will feel not only that you know Covey, but also that he knows you
-- Orson Scott Card, winner of the Hugo and Nebula Awards

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Stephen Covey adds great value to any individual or organization, not just through his words
...

-- Tom F
...

-- Marie Osmond
In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey serves up a seven-course meal on
how to take control of one's life and become the complete, fulfilling person one envisions
...

-- Roger Staubach, NFL Hall of Fame quarterback
The conclusions he draws in this book underscore the need to restore the character ethic in our
society
...

-- W
...

-- Gregory J
...
S
...

I suspect some of the problems they have shared with me may be familiar to you
...
But it's cost me
my personal and family life
...
I'm not even sure I know
myself and what's really important to me
...
I know I'm overweight, and I really want to
change
...
But I don't
...
I just can't seem to keep a
promise I make to myself
...
I expect a lot out of my employees
and I work hard to be friendly toward them and to treat them right
...
I think if I were home sick for a day, they'd spend most of their time gabbing at the water
fountain
...
No matter what I try, he won't listen to me
...
And there's never enough time
...
I've attended time management seminars and I've tried half a dozen different
planning systems
...

I want to teach my children the value of work
...
It's so much easier to do it myself
...
But sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing will make a difference in the
long run
...

I see my friends or relatives achieve some degree of success or receive some recognition, and I smile
and congratulate them enthusiastically
...
Why do I feel this way?
I have a forceful personality
...
Most of
the time, I can even do it by influencing others to come up with the solution I want
...
But I feel
uneasy
...

My marriage has gone flat
...

We've gone to counseling; we've tried a number of things, but we just can't seem to rekindle the feeling

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we used to have
...

A few years ago, my wife Sandra and I were struggling with this kind of concern
...
He was doing poorly academically; he didn't even know
how to follow the instructions on the tests, let alone do well in them
...
Athletically, he was small, skinny, and uncoordinated -- swinging
his baseball bat, for example, almost before the ball was even pitched
...

Sandra and I were consumed with a desire to help him
...
So we worked on our attitudes and
behavior toward him and we tried to work on his
...
"Come on, son! You can do it! We know you can
...
Don't swing till it gets close to you
...
"That's good, son, keep it up
...
"Leave him alone
...
He's just
learning
...

Nothing we did seemed to help, and we were really worried
...
We tried to be encouraging and helpful and positive, but after repeated
failure, we finally drew back and tried to look at the situation on a different level
...
In that capacity I was preparing bimonthly programs on the subject of
communication and perception for IBM's Executive Development Program participants
...
This led me to a study of expectancy theory and
self-fulfilling prophecies or the "Pygmalion effect," and to a realization of how deeply imbedded our
perceptions are
...

As Sandra and I talked about the concepts I was teaching at IBM and about our own situation, we
began to realize that what we were doing to help our son was not in harmony with the way we really
saw him
...
" No matter how much we worked on our attitude and
behavior, our efforts were ineffective because, despite our actions and our words, what we really
communicated to him was, "You aren't capable
...
"
We began to realize that if we wanted to change the situation, we first had to change ourselves
...

The Personality and Character Ethics
At the same time, in addition to my research on perception, I was also deeply immersed in an
in-depth study of the success literature published in the United States since 1776
...
At my fingertips was the sum and substance of what a free and democratic
people considered to be the keys to successful living
...
Because of our own pain, and because of similar pain I had
seen in the lives and relationships of many people I had worked with through the years, I began to feel

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more and more that much of the success literature of the past 50 years was superficial
...

In stark contrast, almost all the literature in the first 150 years or so focused on what could be called
the character ethic as the foundation of success -- things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance,
courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the Golden Rule
...
It is, basically, the story of one man's effort to
integrate certain principles and habits deep within his nature
...

But shortly after World War I the basic view of success shifted from the character ethic to what we
might call the personality ethic
...
This
personality ethic essentially took two paths: one was human and public relations techniques, and the
other was positive mental attitude (PMA)
...

Other parts of the personality approach were clearly manipulative, even deceptive, encouraging
people to use techniques to get other people to like them, or to fake interest in the hobbies of others to
get out of them what they wanted, or to use the "power look," or to intimidate their way through life
...
Reference to the character
ethic became mostly lip service; the basic thrust was quick-fix influence techniques, power strategies,
communication skills, and positive attitudes
...
As I thought more deeply about the difference between the
personality and character ethics, I realized that Sandra and I had been getting social mileage out of our
children's good behavior, and, in our eyes, this son simply didn't measure up
...
There was a lot more wrapped up in the way we were seeing and handling the problem than our
concern for our son's welfare
...
We knew that social comparison motives were out of harmony
with our deeper values and could lead to conditional love and eventually to our son's lessened sense of
self-worth
...
Instead of trying to change him, we tried to stand apart -- to
separate us from him -- and to sense his identity, individuality, separateness, and worth
...
We saw within him layers and layers of potential that would be realized at his own
pace and speed
...
We
saw our natural role as being to affirm, enjoy, and value him
...

As we loosened up our old perception of our son and developed value-based motives, new feelings
began to emerge
...
We
stopped trying to clone him in our own image or measure him against social expectations
...
Because we saw
him as fundamentally adequate and able to cope with life, we stopped protecting him against the
ridicule of others
...
"We don't need to protect you,"
was the unspoken message
...
"
As the weeks and months passed, he began to feel a quiet confidence and affirmed himself
...
He became outstanding as measured by standard social
criteria -- academically, socially and athletically -- at a rapid clip, far beyond the so-called natural
developmental process
...
He
developed an engaging and guileless personality that has enabled him to relate in nonthreatening ways
to all kinds of people
...

This was an amazing experience for Sandra and me, and a very instructional one in dealing with our
other children and in other roles as well
...
The Psalmist expressed our
conviction well: "Search your own heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life
...
I was
suddenly able to see the powerful impact of the personality ethic and to clearly understand those subtle,
often consciously unidentified discrepancies between what I knew to be true -- some things I had been
taught many years ago as a child and things that were deep in my own inner sense of value -- and the
quick fix philosophies that surrounded me every day
...

I am not suggesting that elements of the personality ethic -- personality growth, communication skill
training, and education in the field of influence strategies and positive thinking -- are not beneficial, in
fact sometimes essential for success
...
But these are secondary, not primary traits
...

If I try to use human influence strategies and tactics of how to get other people to do what I want, to
work better, to be more motivated, to like me and each other -- while my character is fundamentally
flawed, marked by duplicity and insincerity -- then, in the long run, I cannot be successful
...
It simply makes no difference how good the rhetoric
is or even how good the intentions are; if there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent
success
...

To focus on technique is like cramming your way through school
...

Did you ever consider how ridiculous it would be to try to cram on a farm -- to forget to plant in the
spring, play all summer and then cram in the fall to bring in the harvest? The farm is a natural system
...
You always reap what you sow; there is no shortcut
...
They, too, are
natural systems based on the The Law of the Harvest
...
" In most one-shot or short-lived human interactions, you can use the personality ethic to get by
and to make favorable impressions through charm and skill and pretending to be interested in other
people's hobbies
...

But secondary traits alone have no permanent worth in long-term relationships
...

Many people with secondary greatness -- that is, social recognition for their talents -- lack primary
greatness or goodness in their character
...
It is character that communicates most eloquently
...
"
There are, of course, situations where people have character strength but they lack communication
skills, and that undoubtedly affects the quality of relationships as well
...

In the last analysis, what we are communicates far more eloquently than anything we say or do
...
There are people we trust absolutely because we know their character
...

In the words of William George Jordan, "Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous
power for good or evil -- the silent unconscious, unseen influence of his life
...
"
The Power of a Paradigm
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People embody many of the fundamental principles of human
effectiveness
...
They represent the internalization of correct
principles upon which enduring happiness and success are based
...
"
Both the The Character Ethic The Personality Ethic are examples of social paradigms
...
It was originally a scientific term, and is more commonly used today
to mean a model, theory, perception, assumption, or frame of reference
...

For our purposes, a simple way to understand paradigms is to see them as maps
...
" A map is simply an explanation of certain aspects of the territory
...
It is a theory, an explanation, or model of something else
...
A street map of the city
would be a great help to you in reaching your destination
...
Through a printing error, the map labeled "Chicago" was actually a map of Detroit
...

But your efforts would only succeed in getting you to the wrong place faster
...
You still wouldn't get to the
right place, but perhaps you wouldn't care
...

The point is, you'd still be lost
...
It has everything to do with having a wrong map
...
But the first and most
important requirement is the accuracy of the map
...
We interpret
everything we experience through these mental maps
...
We simply assume that the way we see things is the way
they really are or the way they should be
...
The way we see things is the
source of the way we think and the way we act
...
Take a few
seconds and just look at the picture on the following page
Now look at the picture below and carefully describe what you see
Do you see a woman? How old would you say she is? What does she look like? What is she wearing?
In what kind of roles do you see her?
You probably would describe the woman in the second picture to be about 25 years old -- very
lovely, rather fashionable with a petite nose and demure presence
...
If you were in retailing, you might hire her as a fashion model
...
She's someone you probably would
help cross the street
...
Can you see the old woman? If you can't, keep trying
...
You could describe what you
see to me, and I could talk to you about what I see
...

Because we can't do that, turn to page 45 and study the picture there and then look at this picture
again
...

I first encountered this exercise many years ago at the Harvard Business School
...
It's not logical; it's psychological
...

He passed them out to the class, the picture of the young woman to one side of the room and the
picture of the old woman to the other
...
He then projected upon the screen the picture you saw on
page 26 combining both images and asked the class to describe what they saw
...
And almost every person in that class who had first seen the old woman's image on a card
saw an old woman in the picture
...
As they talked back and forth, communication problems flared up
...
You have to be joking
...
I'd like to take
her out
...
"
"Lovely? She's an old hag
...
All
of this occurred in spite of one exceedingly important advantage the students had -- most of them knew
early in the demonstration that another point of view did, in fact, exist -- something many of us would
never admit
...

After a period of futile communication, one student went up to the screen and pointed to a line on
the drawing
...
" The other one said, "No, that is the old woman's
mouth
...
Through
continued calm, respectful, and specific communication, each of us in the room was finally able to see
the other point of view
...

I frequently use this perception demonstration in working with people and organizations because it
yields so many deep insights into both personal and interpersonal effectiveness
...
If 10 seconds can have that kind
of impact on the way we see things, what about the conditioning of a lifetime? The influences in our
lives -- family, school, church, work environment, friends, associates, and current social paradigms such
as the personality ethic -- all have made their silent unconscious impact on us and help shape our frame
of reference, our paradigms, our maps
...
We cannot act
with integrity outside of them
...
If you were among the 90 percent who typically see the young woman in the composite
picture when conditioned to do so, you undoubtedly found it difficult to think in terms of having to
help her cross the street
...

This brings into focus one of the basic flaws of the personality ethic
...

This perception demonstration also shows how powerfully our paradigms affect the way we interact
with other people
...
"Where we
stand depends on where we sit
...
But this is not the case
...
When we open our
mouths to describe what we see, we in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms
...
But, as the
demonstration shows, sincere, clearheaded people see things differently, each looking through the
unique lens of experience
...
In the demonstration, two individuals who initially
have been influenced by different conditioning pictures look at the third picture together
...
But each person's interpretation of these facts represents prior experiences,
and the facts have no meaning whatsoever apart from the interpretation
...

The Power of a Paradigm Shift
Perhaps the most important insight to be gained from the perception demonstration is in the area of
paradigm shifting, what we might call the "Aha!" experience when someone finally "sees" the composite
picture in another way
...
It's as though a light were suddenly turned on inside
...
Kuhn shows how almost every significant breakthrough in the
field of scientific endeavor is first a break with tradition, with old ways of thinking, with old paradigms
...
But
Copernicus created a Paradigm Shift, and a great deal of resistance and persecution as well, by placing
the sun at the center
...

The Newtonian model of physics was a clockwork paradigm and is still the basis of modern
engineering
...
The scientific world was revolutionized by the
Einsteinian paradigm, the relativity paradigm, which had much higher predictive and explanatory
value
...
In military skirmishes, more men were dying from small
wounds and diseases than from the major traumas on the front lines
...

The United States today is the fruit of a Paradigm Shift
...
Then a different paradigm was developed -government of the people, by the people, and for the people
...

Not all Paradigm Shifts are in positive directions
...

But whether they shift us in positive or negative directions, whether they are instantaneous or
developmental, Paradigm Shifts move us from one way of seeing the world to another
...
Our paradigms, correct or incorrect, are the sources of our attitudes and
behaviors, and ultimately our relationships with others
...

People were sitting quietly -- some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their
eyes closed
...

Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car
...

The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation
...
It was very

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disturbing
...

It was difficult not to feel irritated
...
It was easy to see
that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too
...
I
wonder if you couldn't control them a little more?"
The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said
softly, "Oh, you're right
...
We just came from the hospital
where their mother died about an hour ago
...
"
Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted
...
My irritation vanished
...
Feelings of
sympathy and compassion flowed freely
...
Can you tell me
about it? What can I do to help?" Everything changed in an instant
...

We could spend weeks, months, even years laboring with the personality ethic trying to change our
attitudes and behaviors and not even begin to approach the phenomenon of change that occurs
spontaneously when we see things differently
...
But if we want to make significant, quantum
change, we need to work on our basic paradigms
...
" We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives as we quit hacking at the leaves of
attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigms from which our attitudes and
behaviors flow
...
Unlike my instant insight on the subway, the
paradigm-shifting experience Sandra and I had with our son was a slow, difficult, and deliberate
process
...
It was the result of deeper paradigms we held about our own
success as parents as well as the measure of success of our children
...

In order to see our son differently, Sandra and I had to be differently
...

Our Paradigms are the way we "see" the world or circumstances -- not in terms of our visual sense of
sight, but in terms of perceiving, understanding, and interpreting
...
Being is seeing in the human dimension
...
We can't go very far to change our seeing without simultaneously changing our being, and
vice versa
...

I'm sure there are people who, even suddenly understanding the true situation, would have felt no
more than a twinge of regret or vague guilt as they continued to sit in embarrassed silence beside the

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grieving, confused man
...

Paradigms are powerful because they create the lens through which we see the world
...

The Principle-Centered Paradigm
The character ethic is based on the fundamental idea that there are principles that govern human
effectiveness -- natural laws in the human dimension that are just as real, just as unchanging and
unarguably "there" as laws such as gravity are in the physical dimension
...

Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather
for several days
...

The visibility was poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all
activities
...
"
"Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out
...

The captain then called to the signal man, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you
change course 20 degrees
...
"
The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees
...
"You had better change course 20 degrees
...
He spat out, "Send, I'm a battleship
...
"
Back came the flashing light, "I'm a lighthouse
...
Paradigm Shift experienced by the
captain -- and by us as we read this account -- puts the situation in a totally different light
...

Principles are like lighthouses
...
As Cecil B
...
We can only break ourselves against the law
...
They are a
"subjective reality," only an attempt to describe the territory
...
The degree to which our mental maps accurately describe the territory does not alter its

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existence
...
These principles surface time and time again, and the degree to
which people in society recognize and live in harmony with them moves them toward either survival
and stability or disintegration and destruction
...
There is not one
principle taught in this book that is unique to any specific faith or religion, including my own
...
They are self-evident and can easily be validated by any individual
...
They seem to exist in all human beings, regardless of social conditioning and
loyalty to them, even though they might be submerged or numbed by conditions or disloyalty
...
Little children seem to have an innate sense of the idea of fairness even apart
from opposite conditioning experiences
...

Other examples would include integrity and honesty
...

Another principle is human dignity
...
"We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men
are created equal and endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life,
liberty, and the pursuit of happiness
...
Another is quality or excellence
...
Highly related to potential is the
principle of growth -- the process of releasing potential and developing talents, with the accompanying
need for principles such as patience, nurturance, and encouragement
...
A practice is a specific activity or action
...

While practices are situationally specific, principles are deep, fundamental truths that have universal
application
...
When these truths are internalized into habits, they empower people to create a wide
variety of practices to deal with different situations
...
They apply to individuals, to marriages, to families, to private and public organizations of
every kind
...

Principles are not values
...
Principles are the territory
...
When we
value correct principles, we have truth -- a knowledge of things as they are
...

They're fundamental
...
One way to
quickly grasp the self-evident nature of principles is to simply consider the absurdity of attempting to
live an effective life based on their opposites
...
Although people may argue about how these principles are defined or manifested or
achieved, there seems to be an innate consciousness and awareness that they exist
...
Correct maps will infinitely impact our personal and
interpersonal effectiveness far more than any amount of effort expended on changing our attitudes and
behaviors
...
It's the "get rich quick" scheme promising "wealth without work
...

The personality ethic is illusory and deceptive
...

In the words of Erich Fromm, an astute observer of the roots and fruits of the personality ethic
...
Two statements may be
said concerning this individual
...
At the same time it may be said of him he does not differ essentially
from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earth
...
A child learns to turn over, to
sit up, to crawl, and then to walk and run
...
No step
can be skipped
...
It is true with individuals, with marriages, with
families, and with organizations
...
And even if we understand it, to accept it and to live in harmony with it are even less
common and more difficult
...

But what happens when we attempt to shortcut a natural process in our growth and development?
If you are only an average tennis player but decide to play at a higher level in order to make a better
impression, what will result? Would positive thinking alone enable you to compete effectively against a
professional?
What if you were to lead your friends to believe you could play the piano at concert hall level while
your actual present skill was that of a beginner?
The answers are obvious
...
It is contrary to nature, and attempting to seek such a shortcut only results in disappointment
and frustration
...
"A thousand-mile journey begins with the first step" and can only be taken
one step at a time
...
You cannot pretend for long, for you will eventually be found
out
...
Thoreau taught, "How can we
remember our ignorance, which our growth requires, when we are using our knowledge all of the
time?"
I recall one occasion when two young women, daughters of a friend of mine, came to me tearfully,
complaining about their father's harshness and lack of understanding
...
And yet they desperately needed their parents' love,
understanding, and guidance
...
But
while he admitted he had a temper problem, he refused to take responsibility for it and to honestly
accept the fact that his emotional development level was low
...

To relate effectively with a wife, a husband, children, friends, or working associates, we must learn
to listen
...
Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire
to understand -- highly developed qualities of character
...

Our level of development is fairly obvious with tennis or piano playing, where it is impossible to
pretend
...
We can "pose"
and "put on" for a stranger or an associate
...
And for a while we can get by with it -at least in public
...
Yet I believe that most of us know the truth of
what we really are inside; and I think many of those we live with and work with do as well
...
But they ignore the low-trust
climate produced by such manipulations
...

I remember violating this principle myself as a father many years ago
...
The first thing I noticed was
several parents in the room witnessing this selfish display
...
And I knew, or at least felt, the
expectation of these parents
...
I said to myself, "Certainly I should teach my daughter to share
...
"
So I first tried a simple request
...

My second method was to use a little reasoning
...
"
Again, the immediate reply was "No!"
I was becoming a little more embarrassed, for it was evident I was having no influence
...
Very softly I said, "Honey, if you share, I've got special surprise for you
...
"
"I don't want gum!" she exploded
...
For my fourth attempt, I resorted to fear and threat
...
"These are my things
...
I merely took some of the toys and gave them to the other kids
...
"
But at that moment, I valued the opinion those parents had of me more than the growth and
development of my child and our relationship together
...

Perhaps I superimposed a higher-level expectation on her simply because on my own scale I was at
a lower level
...
In an attempt to compensate for my deficiency, I borrowed strength from my position and
authority and forced her to do what I wanted her to do
...
It builds weakness in the borrower because it reinforces
dependence on external factors to get things done
...
And
finally, it builds weakness in the relationship
...

And what happens when the source of borrowed strength -- be it superior size or physical strength,
position, authority, credentials, status symbols, appearance, or past achievements -- changes or is no
longer there?
Had I been more mature, I could have relied on my own intrinsic strength -- my understanding of
sharing and of growth and my capacity to love and nurture -- and allowed my daughter to make a free
choice as to whether she wanted to share or not to share
...
I've learned that once children gain a sense of real possession, they share very
naturally, freely, and spontaneously
...
When relationships
are strained and the air charged with emotion, an attempt to teach is often perceived as a form of
judgment and rejection
...
It may have been that the
emotional maturity to do that was beyond my level of patience and internal control at the time
...
Many people who
give mechanically or refuse to give and share in their marriages and families may never have
experienced what it means to possess themselves, their own sense of identity and self-worth
...

The Way We See the Problem is the Problem
People are intrigued when they see good things happening in the lives of individuals, families, and
organizations that are based on solid principles
...

And their immediate request is very revealing of their basic paradigm
...
" What they're really saying is, "Give me some quick fix advice or solution that will
relieve the pain in my own situation
...
They may eliminate some of the cosmetic or acute problems
through social aspirin and band-aids
...

The more people are into quick fix and focus on the acute problems and pain, the more that very
approach contributes to the underlying chronic condition
...

Look again at some of the concerns that introduced this chapter, and at the impact of personality
ethic thinking
...
I expect a lot out of my employees
and I work hard to be friendly toward them and to treat them right
...
I think if I were home sick for a day, they'd spend most of their time gabbing at the water
fountain
...
Or that I could
find some motivational training program that would get them committed
...

But is it possible that under that apparently disloyal behavior, these employees question whether I
really act in their best interest? Do they feel like I'm treating them as mechanical objects? Is there some
truth to that?
Deep inside, is that really the way I see them? Is there a chance the way I look at the people who
work for me is part of the problem?
There's so much to do
...
I feel pressured and hassled all day, every
day, seven days a week
...
They've helped some, but I still don't feel I'm living the happy, productive, peaceful
life I want to live
...

But is there a chance that efficiency is not the answer? Is getting more things done in less time going
to make a difference -- or will it just increase the pace at which I react to the people and circumstances
that seem to control my life?
Could there be something I need to see in a deeper, more fundamental way -- some paradigm within
myself that affects the way I see my time, my life, and my own nature?
My marriage has gone flat
...

We've gone to counseling; we've tried a number of things, but we just can't seem to rekindle the feeling
we used to have
...
Or maybe that it's useless, and only
a new relationship will provide the love I need
...
As I travel around the country and work with organizations, I find that long-term

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

thinking executives are simply turned off by psyche up psychology and "motivational" speakers who
have nothing more to share than entertaining stories mingled with platitudes
...
They want more than aspirin and band-aids
...

A New Level of Thinking
Albert Einstein observed, "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of
thinking we were at when we created them
...

We need a new level, a deeper level of thinking -- a paradigm based on the principles that accurately
describe the territory of effective human being and interacting -- to solve these deep concerns
...
It's a
principle-centered, character-based, "Inside-Out" approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness
...

It says if you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of person who generates positive energy
and sidesteps negative energy rather than empowering it
...
If you want to
have more freedom, more latitude in your job, be a more responsible, a more helpful, a more
contributing employee
...
If you want the secondary
greatness of recognized talent, focus first on primary greatness of character
...
It says it is futile
to put personality ahead of character, to try to improve relationships with others before improving
ourselves
...
It's an upward spiral of growth that leads to progressively higher forms
of responsible independence and effective interdependence
...

I've worked with business executives, college students, church and civic groups, families and marriage
partners
...

What I have seen result from the outside-in paradigm is unhappy people who feel victimized and
immobilized, who focus on the weaknesses of other people and the circumstances they feel are
responsible for their own stagnant situation
...
I've seen labor management disputes where people spend tremendous amounts of time and
energy trying to create legislation that would force people to act as though the foundation of trust were
really there
...
Each involved group is convinced the problem is "out there"
and if "they" (meaning others) would "shape up" or suddenly "ship out" of existence, the problem
would be solved
...

But from my own experience -- both personal and in working with thousands of other people -- and
from careful examination of successful individuals and societies throughout history, I am persuaded
that many of the principles embodied in the Seven Habits are already deep within us, in our conscience
and our common sense
...

As we sincerely seek to understand and integrate these principles into our lives, I am convinced we
will discover and rediscover the truth of T
...
Eliot's observation:
We must not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we
began and to know the place for the first time
...

-- Aristotl

Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit
...
"Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action,
reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny," the maxim goes
...
Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns,
they constantly, daily, express our character and produce our effectiveness or ineffectiveness
...
We weave a strand of it
everyday and soon it cannot be broken
...

I know they can be broken
...
But I also know it isn't a quick fix
...

Those of us who watched the lunar voyage of Apollo 11 were transfixed as we saw the first men
walk on the moon and return to earth
...
But to get there, those astronauts literally had to break out
of the tremendous gravity pull of the earth
...

Habits, too, have tremendous gravity pull -- more than most people realize or would admit
...
"Lift off" takes a tremendous effort, but once we break out of the
gravity pull, our freedom takes on a whole new dimension
...
The gravity pull of some of our
habits may currently be keeping us from going where we want to go
...
It is a
powerful force, and if we use it effectively, we can use the gravity pull of habit to create the
cohesiveness and order necessary to establish effectiveness in our lives
...

Knowledge is the theoretical paradigm, the what to do and the why
...
And
desire is the motivation, the want to do
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

I may be ineffective in my interactions with my work associates, my spouse, or my children because
I constantly tell them what I think, but I never really listen to them
...

Even if I do know that in order to interact effectively with others I really need to listen to them, I
may not have the skill
...

But knowing I need to listen and knowing how to listen is not enough
...
Creating a habit requires work in all three
dimensions
...
By working on knowledge, skill, and
desire, we can break through to new levels of personal and interpersonal effectiveness as we break with
old paradigms that may have been a source of pseudo-security for years
...
It's a change that has to be motivated by a higher purpose, by the
willingness to subordinate what you think you want now for what you want later
...
" Happiness can be defined, in part at least,
as the fruit of the desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want eventually
...
In harmony with the
natural laws of growth, they provide an incremental, sequential, highly integrated approach to the
development of personal and interpersonal effectiveness
...

We each begin life as an infant, totally dependent on others
...
Without this nurturing, we would only live for a few hours or a few days at the
most
...

As we continue to grow and mature, we become increasingly aware that all of nature is
interdependent, that there is an ecological system that governs nature, including society
...

Our growth from infancy to adulthood is in accordance with natural law
...
Reaching our full physical maturity, for example, does not necessarily assure
us of simultaneous emotional or mental maturity
...

On the maturity continuum, dependence is the paradigm of you -- you take care of me; you come
through for me; you didn't come through; I blame you for the results
...

Interdependence is the paradigm of we -- we can do it: we can cooperate; we can combine our
talents and abilities and create something greater together
...
Independent people can get what they want
through their own effort
...

If I were physically dependent -- paralyzed or disabled or limited in some physical way -- I would
need you to help me
...
If you didn't like me, it could be devastating
...

If I were independent, physically, I could pretty well make it on my own
...
I could think creatively and
analytically and organize and express my thoughts in understandable ways
...
I would be inner directed
...

It's easy to see that independence is much more mature than dependence
...
But independence is not supreme
...
It is the avowed goal of many
individuals and social movements
...

Nevertheless, the current social paradigm enthrones independence
...
Most of the self-improvement material puts independence on a
pedestal, as though communication, teamwork, and cooperation were lesser values
...

The little understood concept of interdependence appears to many to smack of dependence, and
therefore, we find people often for selfish reasons, leaving their marriages, abandoning their children,
and forsaking all kinds of social responsibility -- all in the name of independence
...

Of course, we may need to change our circumstances
...
Even with better circumstances, immaturity
and dependence often persist
...
It frees us from our
dependence on circumstances and other people and is a worthy, liberating goal
...

Independent thinking alone is not suited to interdependent reality
...
They're not coming from the paradigm of interdependence
necessary to succeed in marriage, family, or organizational reality
...
To try to achieve maximum effectiveness through
independence is like trying to play tennis with a golf club -- the tool is not suited to the reality
...
If I am physically interdependent, I
am self-reliant and capable, but I also realize that you and I working together can accomplish far more
than, even at my best, I could accomplish alone
...
If I am intellectually interdependent, I realize that I need the best thinking of other people
to join with my own
...

Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make
...
They don't have the character to do it; they don't own enough of
themselves
...
They move a person
from dependence to independence
...

Private Victories precede Public Victories
...
It's Inside-Out
...
You
have the character base from which you can effectively work on the more personality-oriented "Public
Victories" of teamwork, cooperation, and communication in Habits 4, 5, and 6
...

Understanding the sequence will help you manage your growth more effectively, but I'm not
suggesting that you put yourself in isolation for several years until you fully develop Habits 1, 2, and 3
...
But the acute
problems of that world can easily obscure the chronic character causes
...

Habit 7 is the habit of renewal -- a regular, balanced renewal of the four basic dimensions of life
...
It is the habit of continuous improvement that creates the
upward spiral of growth that lifts you to new levels of understanding and living each of the habits as
you come around to them on a progressively higher plane
...
Each concept or habit will be highlighted as it is
introduced
...
Because they are based on principles, they bring the
maximum long-term beneficial results possible
...

They are also habits of effectiveness because they are based on a paradigm of effectiveness that is in
harmony with a natural law, a principle I call the "P/PC Balance," which many people break themselves
against
...

This fable is the story of a poor farmer who one day discovers in the nest of his pet goose a glittering
golden egg
...
But as he starts to throw the egg aside,
he has second thoughts and takes it in to be appraised instead
...
He becomes even more
incredulous the following day when the experience is repeated
...
He becomes fabulously wealthy; it all seems too good to be true
...
Unable to wait day after day for the
golden eggs, the farmer decides he will kill the goose and get them all at once
...
There are no golden eggs -- and now there is no way to get any more
...

But as the story shows, true effectiveness is a function of two things: what is produced (the golden
eggs) and the producing asset or capacity to produce (the goose)
...
On the other hand, if you only take care of the goose
with no aim toward the golden eggs, you soon won't have the wherewithal to feed yourself or the
goose
...
P stands for production of
desired results, the golden eggs
...

Three Kinds of Assets
Basically, there are three kinds of assets: physical, financial, and human
...

A few years ago, I purchased a physical asset -- a power lawn mower
...
The mower worked well for two seasons, but then it began to
break down
...
It was essentially worthless
...
As it was, I had to spend far more time and money replacing the mower than I ever
would have spent, had I maintained it
...

In our quest for short-term returns, or results, we often ruin a prized physical asset -- a car, a
computer, a washer or dryer, even our body or our environment
...

It also powerfully impacts the effective use of financial assets
...
And
the dwindling capital becomes smaller and smaller until it no longer supplies even our basic needs
...
If we don't continually invest in
improving our own PC, we severely limit our options
...

Again, it simply isn't effective
...

When two people in a marriage are more concerned about getting the golden eggs, the benefits, than
they are in preserving the relationship that makes them possible, they often become insensitive and
inconsiderate, neglecting the little kindnesses and courtesies so important to a deep relationship
...
The love, the richness, the
softness, and spontaneity begin to deteriorate
...

And what about a parent's relationship with a child? When children are little, they are very
dependent, very vulnerable
...
It's easy to take advantage, to manipulate, to get what you
want the way you want it -- right now! You're bigger, you're smarter, and you're right! So why not just
tell them what to do? If necessary, yell at them, intimidate them, insist on your way
...
You can go for the golden egg of popularity, of pleasing them, giving
them their way all the time
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

Either way -- authoritarian or permissive -- you have the golden egg mentality
...
But what happens, meantime, to the goose? What sense of
responsibility, of self-discipline, of confidence in the ability to make good choices or achieve important
goals is a child going to have a few years down the road? And what about your relationship? When he
reaches those critical teenage years, the identity crises, will he know from his experience with you that
you will listen without judging, that you really, deeply care about him as a person, that you can be
trusted, no matter what? Will the relationship be strong enough for you to reach him, to communicate
with him, to influence him?
Suppose you want your daughter to have a clean room -- that's P, production, the golden egg
...
Your daughter is the goose, the
asset, that produces the golden egg
...
She is a valuable asset, a goose
that can produce golden eggs
...
You might even escalate your efforts to threatening or yelling, and in your desire
to get the golden egg, you undermine the health and welfare of the goose
...
We were
planning a private date, which is something I enjoy regularly with each of my children
...

So I approached my daughter and said, "Honey, tonight's your night
...
"
"Really, honey," I said earnestly, "I want to do it
...
"
"I want to go see Star Wars," she replied
...
You slept through
it before
...
That's okay, Dad
...
"
"Dad, don't worry about it
...
" She paused and then added,
"But you know why you don't like Star Wars? It's because you don't understand the philosophy and
training of a Jedi Knight
...
"
"Really? Let's go to Star Wars!"
And we did
...
I became her student, her learner
...
I could begin to see out of a new paradigm the whole way a Jedi Knight's basic
philosophy in training is manifested in different circumstances
...

It was bonding and very satisfying
...

Organizational PC
One of the immensely valuable aspects of any correct principle is that it is valid and applicable in a
wide variety of circumstances
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

When people fail to respect the P/PC Balance in their use of physical assets in organizations, they
decrease organizational effectiveness and often leave others with dying geese
...
Perhaps the company is in a rapid growth stage and promotions are
coming fast
...
He runs the
machine day and night
...

Within a short time, he's promoted
...

But suppose you are his successor on the job
...
You have to invest heavily in downtime and maintenance
...
And who gets blamed for the loss of golden eggs? You do
...

The P/PC Balance is particularly important as it applies to the human assets of an organization -- the
customers and the employees
...
Then the business was sold, and the new owner focused on golden eggs -- he
decided to water down the chowder
...
But little by little, the customers began to disappear
...
The new owner tried desperately to reclaim it, but he had neglected the
customers, violated their trust, and lost the asset of customer loyalty
...

There are organizations that talk a lot about the customer and then completely neglect the people
that deal with the customer -- the employees
...

You can buy a person's hand, but you can't buy his heart
...
You can buy his back, but you can't buy his brain
...

PC work is treating employees as volunteers just as you treat customers as volunteers, because that's
what they are
...

I was in a group once where someone asked, "How do you shape up lazy and incompetent
employees?" One man responded, "Drop hand grenades!" Several others cheered that kind of macho
management talk, that "shape up or ship out" supervision approach
...
"
"Well, why don't you do that to your customers?" the other man replied
...
'"
He said, "You can't do that to customers
...
"
"I see
...
There's too much turnover, absenteeism,
moonlighting
...
"
That focus on golden eggs -- that attitude, that paradigm -- is totally inadequate to tap into the
powerful energies of the mind and heart of another person
...

Effectiveness lies in the balance
...
Too much focus on PC is like a person who runs
for three or four hours a day, bragging about the extra 10 years of life it creates, unaware he's spending

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

them running
...

To maintain the P/PC Balance, the balance between the golden egg (Production) and the health and
welfare of the goose (Production Capability) is often a difficult judgment call
...
It balances short term with long term
...
It balances the desire to have a room clean and the building
of a relationship in which the child is internally committed to do it -- cheerfully, willingly, without
external supervision
...

You can see it when you press to get your own way with someone and somehow feel an emptiness
in the relationship; or when you really take time to invest in a relationship and you find the desire and
ability to work together, to communicate, takes a quantum leap
...
It's validated in every arena of life
...
It's a lighthouse
...

How to Use This Book
Before we begin work on the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, I would like to suggest two
Paradigm Shifts that will greatly increase the value you will receive from this material
...

You may choose to read it completely through once for a sense of the whole
...
It is organized
incrementally and with suggestions for application at the end of each habit so that you can study and
focus on any particular habit as you are ready
...

Second, I would suggest that you shift your paradigm of your own involvement in this material
from the role of learner to that of teacher
...

If you had known, for example, that you would be teaching the material on the P/PC Balance
principle to someone else within 48 hours, would it have made a difference in your reading experience?
Try it now as you read the final section in this chapter
...

I guarantee that if you approach the material in each of the following chapters in this way, you will
not only better remember what you read, but your perspective will be expanded, your understanding
deepened, and your motivation to apply the material increased
...
Those you teach
will see you as a changing, growing person, and will be more inclined to be helpful and supportive as
you work, perhaps together, to integrate the Seven Habits into your lives
...
Each
of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside
...

If you decide to open your "gate of change" to really understand and live the principles embodied in
the Seven Habits, I feel comfortable in assuring you several positive things will happen
...
Would you not
agree that the P/PC Balance principle alone, if fully lived, would transform most individuals and
organizations?
The net effect of opening the "gate of change" to the first three habits -- the habits of Private Victory
-- will be significantly increased self-confidence
...
As you
live your values, your sense of identity, integrity, control, and inner-directedness will infuse you with
both exhilaration and peace
...
"Wrong" and "right" will have little to do with being found out
...
You'll no
longer build your emotional life on other people's weaknesses
...

As you open yourself to the next three habits -- the habits of Public Victory -- you will discover and
unleash both the desire and the resources to heal and rebuild important relationships that have
deteriorated, or even broken
...

The seventh habit, if deeply internalized, will renew the first six and will make you truly
independent and capable of effective interdependence
...

Whatever your present situation, I assure you that you are not your habits
...

With genuine caring, I encourage you to open the gate of change and growth as you study these
habits
...
Self-growth is tender; it's holy ground
...

It's obviously not a quick fix
...
In the words of Thomas Paine, "That which we obtain too easily, we esteem
too lightly
...
Heaven knows how to put a proper
price on its goods
...

-- Henry David Thorea
As you read this book, try to stand apart from yourself
...
Can you look at yourself
almost as though you were someone else?
Now try something else
...
Can you identify it? What are
you feeling? How would you describe your present mental state
Now think for a minute about how your mind is working
...
Animals do not possess this ability
...
This is the reason why
man has dominion over all things in the world and why he can make significant advances from
generation to generation
...
This is also
why we can make and break our habits
...
We are not our moods
...
The very fact
that we can think about these things separates us from them and from the animal world
...
It affects not only our attitudes and behaviors, but
also how we see other people
...

In fact, until we take how we see ourselves (and how we see others) into account, we will be unable
to understand how others see and feel about themselves and their world
...
Unaware, we will project
our intentions on their behavior and call ourselves objective
...
But
because of the unique human capacity of self-awareness, we can examine our paradigms to determine
whether they are reality- or principle-based or if they are a function of conditioning and conditions
...

"You're never on time
...
Why can't you understand?"
These visions are disjointed and out of proportion
...

The reflection of the current social paradigm tells us we are largely determined by conditioning and
conditions
...

There are actually three social maps -- three theories of determinism widely accepted, independently
or in combination, to explain the nature of man
...
That's why you have such a temper
...
It just goes through the generations and you inherited it
...

Psychic determinism basically says your parents did it to you
...
That's why
you're afraid to be in front of a group
...
You feel terribly
guilty if you make a mistake because you "remember" deep inside the emotional scripting when you
were very vulnerable and tender and dependent
...

Environmental determinism basically says your boss is doing to you -- or your spouse, or that bratty
teenager, or your economic situation, or national policies
...

Each of these maps is based on the stimulus/response theory we most often think of in connection
with Pavlov's experiments with dogs
...

How accurately and functionally do these deterministic maps describe the territory? How clearly do
these mirrors reflect the true nature of man? Do they become self-fulfilling prophecies? Are they based
on principles we can validate within ourselves?
Between Stimulus and Response
In answer to those questions, let me share with you the catalytic story of Viktor Frankl
...
The limits and parameters of your life are set, and, basically, you can't do much about it
...
He was imprisoned in the death camps of Nazi Germany,
where he experienced things that were so repugnant to our sense of decency that we shudder to even
repeat them
...
Except for
his sister, his entire family perished
...

One day, naked and alone in a small room, he began to become aware of what he later called "the
last of the human freedoms" -- the freedom his Nazi captors could not take away
...
His basic identity was intact
...
Between what happened to
him, or the stimulus, and his response to it, was his freedom or power to choose that response
...
He would describe himself in the
classroom, in his mind's eye, and give his students the lessons he was learning during his very torture
...
They had more liberty, more options to choose from in their
environment; but he had more freedom, more internal power to exercise his options
...
He helped others find meaning in their
suffering and dignity in their prison existence
...

Within the freedom to choose are those endowments that make us uniquely human
...

We have conscience -- a deep inner awareness of right and wrong, of the principles that govern our
behavior, and a sense of the degree to which our thoughts and actions are in harmony with them
...

Even the most intelligent animals have none of these endowments
...
They can be trained to be responsible, but they can't
take responsibility for that training; in other words, they can't direct it
...
They're not even aware of it
...
This is why an animal's capacity is relatively limited and man's
is unlimited
...

The deterministic paradigm comes primarily from the study of animals -- rats, monkeys, pigeons,
dogs -- and neurotic and psychotic people
...
The extent to which we exercise
and develop these endowments empowers us to fulfill our uniquely human potential
...

"Proactivity" Defined
In discovering the basic principle of the nature of man, Frankl described an accurate self-map from
which he began to develop the first and most basic habit of a highly effective person in any
environment, the habit of Proactivity
...
It means more than merely taking initiative
...
Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions
...
We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things
happen
...
Highly
proactive people recognize that responsibility
...
Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on
values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

In making such a choice, we become reactive
...
If the weather is good, they feel good
...
Proactive people can carry their own weather with them
...
They are value driven; and if their value is to produce good quality
work, it isn't a function of whether the weather is conducive to it or not
...
" When people
treat them well, they feel well; when people don't, they become defensive or protective
...

The ability to subordinate an impulse to a value is the essence of the proactive person
...
Proactive people
are driven by values -- carefully thought about, selected and internalized values
...

But their response to the stimuli, conscious or unconscious, is a value-based choice or response
...
" In the words of
Gandhi, "They cannot take away our self respect if we do not give it to them
...

I admit this is very hard to accept emotionally, especially if we have had years and years of
explaining our misery in the name of circumstance or someone else's behavior
...
"
Once in Sacramento when I was speaking on the subject of Proactivity, a woman in the audience
stood up in the middle of my presentation and started talking excitedly
...
But she seemed to find it difficult to restrain herself and started
talking to the people around her
...

I could hardly wait for a break to find out what had happened
...

"You just can't imagine what's happened to me!" she exclaimed
...
Nothing I do is good enough for him
...
He constantly harps at me and finds fault
with everything I do
...
The other nurses feel the same way
...

"And for you to have the gall to stand up there and suggest that nothing can hurt me, that no one
can hurt me without my consent, and that I have chosen my own emotional life of being miserable -well, there was just no way I could buy into that
...
I really went inside myself and began to ask, 'Do I have the power to
choose my response?"
"When I finally realized that I do have that power, when I swallowed that bitter pill and realized
that I had chosen to be miserable, I also realized that I could choose not to be miserable
...
I felt as though I was being let out of San Quentin
...
'"
It's not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us
...
But our character, our basic identity,
does not have to be hurt at all
...

Frankl is one of many who have been able to develop the personal freedom in difficult
circumstances to lift and inspire others
...

We have all known individuals in very difficult circumstances, perhaps with a terminal illness or a
severe physical handicap, who maintain magnificent emotional strength
...

One of the most inspiring times Sandra and I have ever had took place over a four-year period with
a dear friend of ours named Carol, who had a wasting cancer disease
...

When Carol was in the very last stages of the disease, Sandra spent time at her bedside helping her
write her personal history
...

Carol would take as little pain-killing medication as possible so that she had full access to her mental
and emotional faculties
...
Carol was so proactive, so brave, and so concerned about others that she became an enormous
source of inspiration to many people around her
...
I could see in
her eyes a life of character, contribution, and service as well as love, concern, and appreciation
...
Usually, about one-fourth of the
audience respond in the affirmative
...
The same people respond
again, almost inevitably
...

My own experience with people confirms the point Frankl makes -- that the highest of the three
values is attitudinal, in the paradigm of reframing sense
...

Difficult circumstances often create Paradigm Shifts, whole new frames of reference by which people
see the world and themselves and others in it, and what life is asking of them
...

Taking the Initiative
Our basic nature is to act, and not be acted upon
...
It does mean recognizing
our responsibility to make things happen
...
It's called "solution selling," and is a key paradigm
in business success
...
But many of them fail to take the
necessary steps, the initiative, to make it happen
...
"
"How do I study industry and organizational problems? No one wants to help me
...
But people who end
up with the good jobs are the proactive ones who are solutions to problems, not problems themselves,
who seize the initiative to do whatever is necessary, consistent with correct principles, to get the job
done
...
In fact, often before we can say it, they answer their own
complaints, "I know -- use my R and I!"
Holding people to the responsible course is not demeaning; it is affirming
...
By respecting the
proactive nature of other people, we provide them with at least one clear, undistorted reflection from
the social mirror
...
We can't expect high
creative cooperation from those who are deep into emotional dependence
...

Act or be Acted Upon
The difference between people who exercise initiative and those who don't is literally the difference
between night and day
...

It takes initiative to create the P/PC Balance of effectiveness in your life
...
As you study the other six habits, you will see that each depends on the
development of your proactive muscles
...
If you wait to be
acted upon, you will be acted upon
...

At one time I worked with a group of people in the home improvement industry, representatives
from 20 different organizations who met quarterly to share their numbers and problems in an
uninhibited way
...
These people were fairly discouraged as we began
...
The environmental pressures were powerful
...
By the end of the day, everyone was even more discouraged
...
By the end of the second day, we were even more depressed
...

So on the third day, we decided to focus on the proactive question, "What is our response? What are
we going to do? How can we exercise initiative in this situation?" In the morning we talked about
managing and reducing costs
...
We
brainstormed both areas, then concentrated on several very practical, very doable things
...

At the every end of the third day, we summarized the results of the conference in a three-part
answer to the question, "How's business?"
Part one: What's happening to us is not good, and the trends suggest that it will get worse before it
gets better
Part two: But what we are causing to happen is very good, for we are better managing and reducing
our costs and increasing our market share
Part three: Therefore, business is better than ever
Now what would a reactive mind say to that? "Oh, come on
...
You can only carry this
positive thinking and self-psych approach so far
...
"
But that's the difference between positive thinking and proactivity
...
We faced
the reality of the current circumstance and of future projections
...
Not facing reality
would have been to accept the idea that what's happening in our environment had to determine us
...

They can combine the creativity and resourcefulness of proactive individuals to create a proactive
culture within the organization
...

Listening to our Language
Because our attitudes and behaviors flow out of our paradigms, if we use our self-awareness to
examine them, we can often see in them the nature of our underlying maps
...

The language of reactive people absolves them of responsibility
...
That's just the way I am
...
There's nothing I can do about it
...
My emotional life is governed by something outside
my control
...
I just don't have the time
...

"If only my wife were more patient
...

"I have to do it
...
I'm not free to
choose my own actions
...

That's just the way I am
...

They won't allow that
...
I can't
...
If only
...
I can choose a different approach
...
I can create an effective presentation
...
I
choose
...
I will
...
And the whole spirit of it is the
transfer of responsibility
...

One time a student asked me, "Will you excuse me from class? I have to go on a tennis trip
...

"I really have to," he exclaimed
...
"
"How would you like that consequence?"
"I wouldn't
...
What
will happen if you miss my class?"
"I don't know
...
What do you think would be the natural consequence of not coming to class?"
"You wouldn't kick me out, would you?"
"That would be a social consequence
...
If you don't participate on the
tennis team, you don't play
...
But if you don't come to class, what would be the natural
consequence?"
"I guess I'll miss the learning
...
So you have to weigh that consequence against the other consequence and make a
choice
...
But never say you have to do
anything
...

"And miss my class?" I replied in mock disbelief
...
People
become reinforced in the paradigm that they are determined, and they produce evidence to support the
belief
...

They blame outside forces -- other people, circumstances, even the stars -- for their own situation
...
But every situation is so different
...
I'm
really worried
...
I
guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me
...

"That's right," he reaffirmed
...
What do
you suggest?"
"Love her," I replied
...
"
"Love her
...
The feeling of love just isn't there
...
If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her
...
Love -- the feeling -- is a fruit of love the verb
...
Sacrifice
...
Empathize
...
Affirm her
...
Reactive people make it a feeling
...
Hollywood has generally scripted us to believe that we are not responsible,
that we are a product of our feelings
...
If our
feelings control our actions, it is because we have abdicated our responsibility and empowered them to
do so
...
Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving
of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world
...
If you are a parent, look at the
love you have for the children you sacrificed for
...
Proactive people subordinate feelings to values
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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Circle of Concern
...

Another excellent way to become more self-aware regarding our own degree of proactivity is to look
at where we focus our time and energy
...
We could separate those from things in
which we have no particular mental or emotional involvement by creating a "Circle of Concern
...
We could
identify those concerns in the latter group by circumscribing them within a smaller Circle of Influence
...

Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence
...
The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their
Circle of Influence to increase
...
They focus on the
weakness of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have
no control
...
The negative energy generated by that focus, combined with neglect in areas
they could do something about, causes their Circle of Influence to shrink
...

We aren't taking the proactive initiative necessary to effect positive change
...
Sandra
and I were deeply concerned about his apparent weaknesses and about the way other people were
treating him
...
As long as we focused our efforts on those things,
we accomplished nothing, except to increase our own feelings of inadequacy and helplessness and to
reinforce our son's dependence
...
By working on ourselves instead of worrying about conditions, we were able to
influence the conditions
...

This situation reflects on a self-inflicted emotional myopia -- another reactive selfish life-style
focused in the Circle of Concern
...

Direct, Indirect, and No Control
The problems we face fall in one of three areas: direct control (problems involving our own
behavior); indirect control (problems involving other people's behavior); or no control (problems we can
do nothing about, such as our past or situational realities)
...

Direct control problems are solved by working on our habits
...
These are the "Private Victories" of Habits 1, 2, and 3
...
These are the "Public
Victories" of Habits 4, 5, and 6
...

Most people have only three or four of these methods in their repertoire, starting usually with
reasoning, and, if that doesn't work, moving to flight or fight
...
In this way, we do not empower these problems to control us
...
"
Whether a problem is direct, indirect, or no control, we have in our hands the first step to the
solution
...

Expanding the Circle of Influence
It is inspiring to realize that in choosing our response to circumstance, we powerfully affect our
circumstance
...
He
could read trends
...
But he
had a very dictatorial style of management
...
His manner of speaking to those who worked in the organization was, "Go for
this; go for that; now do this; now do that -- I'll make the decisions
...
They would
gather in the corridors and complain to each other about him
...
But they did it endlessly,
absolving themselves of responsibility in the name of the president's weaknesses
...
"The other day he went into
my department
...
But he came in and gave totally different signals
...
I don't know how I'm supposed to keep
working for him
...
"Do you think you can survive for six more
years?"
"I don't know
...
"
But one of the executives was proactive
...
He took initiative
-- he anticipated, he empathized, he read the situation
...
Where the president was weak in his
style, he'd try to buffer his own people and make such weaknesses irrelevant
...

This man focused on his Circle of Influence
...
But he would do
more than what was expected
...
He read with empathy the
president's underlying concern, so when he presented information, he also gave his analysis and his
recommendations based on that analysis
...
He's not only given me the information I requested, but he's provided

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

additional information that's exactly what we needed
...

"The recommendations are consistent with the analysis, and the analysis is consistent with the data
...
"
At the next meeting, it was "go for this" and "go for that" to all the executives but one
...
The reactive minds in the executive corridors began
shooting their vindictive ammunition at this proactive man
...
It's so much safer to say, "I
am not responsible
...
" It would be
very hard for me to say that I have the power to choose my response and that the response I have
chosen has resulted in my involvement in a negative, collusive environment, especially if for years I
have absolved myself of responsibility for results in the name of someone else's weaknesses
...

But this man was proactive toward them, too
...
It continued to expand to the extent that eventually no one made any significant moves in
the organization without that man's involvement and approval, including the president
...
So he had the strength of two people, a complementary team
...
Many others were in the same
situation
...

There are some people who interpret "proactive" to mean pushy, aggressive, or insensitive; but that
isn't the case at all
...
They're smart, they're value driven, they read
reality, and they know what's needed
...
While his accusers were in the legislative chambers criticizing him because he
wouldn't join in their Circle of Concern rhetoric condemning the British Empire for their subjugation of
the Indian people, Gandhi was out in the rice paddies, quietly, slowly, imperceptibly expanding his
Circle of Influence with the field laborers
...
Though he held no office or political position, through compassion,
courage, fasting, and moral persuasion he eventually brought England to its knees, breaking political
domination of 300 million people with the power of his greatly expanded Circle of Influence
...

The Circle of Concern is filled with the have's
"I'll be happy when I have my house paid off
...
"
"If only I had a more patient husband
...
"
"If I had my degree
...
"
The Circle of Influence is filled with the be's -- I can be more patient, be wise, be loving
...

Anytime we think the problem is "out there," that thought is the problem
...
The change paradigm is "outside-in" -- what's out there has to change before we

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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can change
...

One of my favorite stories is one in the Old Testament, part of the fundamental fabric of the
Judeo-Christian tradition
...
Can you imagine how easy it would have been for him to languish in self-pity as a
servant of Potiphar, to focus on the weaknesses of his brothers and his captors and on all he didn't have?
But Joseph was proactive
...
And within a short period of time, he was running
Potiphar's household
...

Then the day came when Joseph was caught in a difficult situation and refused to compromise his
integrity
...
But again he was proactive
...

I know this idea is a dramatic Paradigm Shift for many people
...
But we are responsible -"response-able" -- to control our lives and to powerfully influence our circumstances by working on be,
on what we are
...
I also diminish my ability to influence her -- my nagging, accusing, critical attitude only
makes her feel validated in her own weakness
...
My ability to positively impact the situation withers and dies
...
I can stop trying to shape up my wife and work on my own weaknesses
...
Hopefully, my wife will feel the
power of proactive example and respond in kind
...

There are so many ways to work in the Circle of Influence -- to be a better listener, to be a more
loving marriage partner, to be a better student, to be a more cooperative and dedicated employee
...
Happiness, like
unhappiness, is a proactive choice
...
But as proactive people, we can carry our own physical or social weather with us
...

The Other End of the Stick
Before we totally shift our life focus to our Circle of Influence, we need to consider two things in our
Circle of Concern that merit deeper thought -- consequences and mistakes
...

Consequences are governed by natural law
...
We can decide to
step in front of a fast-moving train, but we cannot decide what will happen when the train hits us
...
While the social consequences of that
decision may vary depending on whether or not we are found out, the natural consequences to our
basic character are a fixed result
...
Living in harmony with them brings positive
consequences; violating them brings negative consequences
...
"When we pick up one end of the
stick, we pick up the other
...
Our choices have brought consequences we would rather have lived without
...
We call these choices mistakes,
and they are the second thing that merits our deeper thought
...
We can't recall them, we can't undo them, we can't
control the consequences that came as a result
...

The proactive approach to a mistake is to acknowledge it instantly, correct it, and learn from it
...
"Success," said IBM founder T
...
Watson, "is on the far
side of failure
...

It usually puts a person on a self-deceiving, self-justifying path, often involving rationalization (rational
lies) to self and to others
...

It is not what others do or even our own mistakes that hurt us the most; it is our response to those
things
...
It is far better to take measures immediately to get the poison out
...
It is important to immediately
admit and correct our mistakes so that they have no power over that next moment and we are
empowered again
...
The commitments we make to ourselves and to others, and our integrity to those
commitments, is the essence and clearest manifestation of our proactivity
...
Through our human endowments of self-awareness and
conscience, we become conscious of areas of weakness, areas for improvement, areas of talent that could
be developed, areas that need to be changed or eliminated from our lives
...

It is here that we find two ways to put ourselves in control of our lives immediately
...
Or we can set a goal -- and work to achieve it
...
By making and keeping promises to ourselves and others, little by little, our honor becomes
greater than our moods
...
Knowledge, skill, and desire are all within our control
...
As the area of intersection becomes larger, we more deeply
internalize the principles upon which the habits are based and create the strength of character to move
us in a balanced way toward increasing effectiveness in our lives
...
It is in the ordinary events of every day that we develop the proactive capacity to handle
the extraordinary pressures of life
...
It's how we view our problems and
where we focus our energies
...

I would challenge you to test the principle of proactivity for 30 days
...
For 30 days work only in your Circle of Influence
...
Be a light, not a judge
...
Be part of the solution, not part of the
problem
...
Don't argue for other people's weaknesses
...
When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it -immediately
...
Work on things you have control over
...
On be
...
It's not what they're not doing
or should be doing that's the issue
...
If you start to think the problem is "out there," stop yourself
...

People who exercise their embryonic freedom day after day will, little by little, expand that freedom
...
" They are acting out the
scripts written by parents, associates, and society
...

Samuel Johnson observed: "The fountain of content must spring up in the mind, and he who hath so
little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition,
will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief he proposes to remove
...

Application Suggestions
1
...
How
often do you use and hear reactive phrases such as "If only," "I can't," or "I have to"
2
...
Review the situation in the context of your Circle of Influence
...
Remind yourself of the gap between
stimulus and response
...

3
...
Determine whether
it is a direct, indirect, or no control problem
...

4
...
Be aware of the change in your Circle of Influence
...
Clear
your mind of everything except what you will read and what I will invite you to do
...
Just focus with me and really open
your mind
...
As you walk inside the building, you notice the flowers, the soft organ music
...
You feel the shared sorrow of losing, the joy of having
known, that radiates from the hearts of the people there
...
This is your funeral, three years from today
...

As you take a seat and wait for the services to begin, you look at the program in your hand
...
The first one is from your family, immediate and also extended -- children,
brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents who have come from all
over the country to attend
...
The third speaker is from your work or profession
...

Now think deeply
...
What difference would
you like to have made in their lives?
Before you read further, take a few minutes to jot down your impressions
...

What it Means to "Begin with the End in Mind"
If you participated seriously in this visualization experience, you touched for a moment some of
your deep, fundamental values
...
When I read the several dates of the tombs, of some that died yesterday, and
some six hundred years ago, I consider that great Day when we shall all of us be Contemporaries, and
make our appearance together
...

Each part of your life -- today's behavior, tomorrow's behavior, next week's behavior, next month's
behavior -- can be examined in the context of the whole, of what really matters most to you
...

To Begin with the End in Mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination
...

It's incredibly easy to get caught up in an activity trap, in the busy-ness of life, to work harder and
harder at climbing the ladder of success only to discover it's leaning against the wrong wall
...

People often find themselves achieving victories that are empty, successes that have come at the
expense of things they suddenly realize were far more valuable to them
...

How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us, and, keeping that
picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most
...
We may
be very busy, we may be very efficient, but we will also be truly effective only when we Begin with the
End in Mind
...
It may be very different from the definition you thought you had in mind
...

When you Begin with the End in Mind, you gain a different perspective
...
"
All Things Are Created Twice
"Begin with the End in Mind" is based on the principle that all things are created twice
...
You create it in every detail before you ever hammer
the first nail into place
...
If you want
a family-centered home, you plan a family room where it would be a natural gathering place
...
You work with ideas
...

Then you reduce it to blueprint and develop construction plans
...
If not, then in the second creation, the physical creation, you will have to make expensive
changes that may double the cost of your home
...
" You have to make sure that the blueprint, the first
creation, is really what you want, that you've thought everything through
...
Each day you go to the construction shed and pull out the blueprint to get marching
orders for the day
...

For another example, look at a business
...
You carefully think through the product or service you want
to provide in terms of your market target, then you organize all the elements -- financial, research and
development, operations, marketing, personnel, physical facilities, and so on -- to meet that objective
...
Most business failures begin in the first creation, with problems such as
undercapitalization, misunderstanding of the market, or lack of a business plan
...
If you want to raise responsible, self-disciplined children, you
have to keep that end clearly in mind as you interact with your children on a daily basis
...

To varying degrees, people use this principle in many different areas of life
...
Before you plant a garden, you plan
it out in your mind, possibly on paper
...

To the extent to which we understand the principle of two creations and accept the responsibility for
both, we act within and enlarge the borders of our Circle of Influence
...

By Design or Default
It's a principle that all things are created twice, but not all first creations are by conscious design
...
We reactively live the scripts handed to us by family, associates, other people's
agendas, the pressures of circumstance -- scripts from our earlier years, from our training, our
conditioning
These scripts come from people, not principles
...

Whether we are aware of it or not, whether we are in control of it or not, there is a first creation to
every part of our lives
...
Put another way, Habit 1 says, "You are the creator
...

Leadership and Management -- The Two Creations
Habit 2 is based on principles of personal leadership, which means that leadership is the first
creation
...
Management is the second creation, which we'll discuss in
the chapter on Habit 3
...

Management is a bottom-line focus: How can I best accomplish certain things? Leadership deals
with the top line: What are the things I want to accomplish? In the words of both Peter Drucker and
Warren Bennis, "Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things
...

You can quickly grasp the important difference between the two if you envision a group of
producers cutting their way through the jungle with machetes
...
They're cutting through the undergrowth, clearing it out
...

The leader is the one who climbs the tallest tree, surveys the entire situation, and yells, "Wrong
jungle!"
But how do the busy, efficient producers and managers often respond? "Shut up! We're making
progress
...
And the rapidly changing environment in which we live
makes effective leadership more critical than it has ever been -- in every aspect of independent and
interdependent life
...
We often don't know what the terrain ahead will be like or what we will
need to go through it; much will depend on our judgment at the time
...

Effectiveness -- often even survival -- does not depend solely on how much effort we expend, but on
whether or not the effort we expend is in the right jungle
...

In business, the market is changing so rapidly that many products and services that successfully met
consumer tastes and needs a few years ago are obsolete today
...

Such changes as deregulation of the airline industry, skyrocketing costs of health care, and the great
quality and quantity of imported cars impact the environment in significant ways
...

Efficient management without effective leadership is, as one individual phrased it, "like
straightening deck chairs on the Titanic
...
But leadership is hard because we're often caught in a management paradigm
...
I was deep into management, buried by pressing
challenges and the details of day-to-day logistics
...
I
could get other people to do that
...

"It was hard
...

I didn't receive much satisfaction as I started wrestling with the direction issues, the culture-building
issues, the deep analysis of problems, the seizing of new opportunities
...
They missed the easy accessibility I had
given them before
...

"But I persisted
...
And I did
...
We're more in line with our environment
...
I'm into leadership
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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And leadership is even more lacking in our personal lives
...

Rescripting:

Becoming Your Own First Creator

As we previously observed, proactivity is based on the unique human endowment of self-awareness
...

Through imagination, we can visualize the uncreated worlds of potential that lie within us
...
Combined with self-awareness, these two endowments empower us to write
our own script
...
As we recognize the ineffective scripts, the incorrect or
incomplete paradigms within us, we can proactively begin to rescript ourselves
...
Sadat had been reared, nurtured, and deeply scripted in a
hatred for Israel
...
Never, never, never!" And huge crowds all
around the country would chant, "Never, never, never!" He marshaled the energy and unified the will
of the whole country in that script
...
But
it was also very foolish, and Sadat knew it
...

So he rescripted himself
...
He learned to withdraw from his own mind and look at it to see if the scripts were
appropriate and wise
...

He records that he was almost loath to leave his prison cell because it was there that he realized that
real success is success with self
...

For a period of time during Nasser's administration Sadat was relegated to a position of relative
insignificance
...
They were projecting their own
home movies onto him
...
He was biding his time
...
He visited the Knesset in Jerusalem and opened up one of the
most precedent-breaking peace movements in the history of the world, a bold initiative that eventually
brought about the Camp David Accord
...
He worked in the
center of his Circle of Influence
...

In developing our own self-awareness many of us discover ineffective scripts, deeply embedded
habits that are totally unworthy of us, totally incongruent with the things we really value in life
...
We are response-able to use our imagination and

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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creativity to write new ones that are more effective, more congruent with our deepest values and with
the correct principles that give our values meaning
...
Suppose that whenever they
begin to do something I feel is inappropriate, I sense an immediate tensing in the pit of my stomach
...
My focus is not on the long-term growth and
understanding but on the short-term behavior
...

I pull out my ammunition -- my superior size, my position of authority -- and I yell or intimidate or I
threaten or punish
...
I stand there, victorious, in the middle of the debris of a shattered
relationship while my children are outwardly submissive and inwardly rebellious, suppressing feelings
that will come out later in uglier ways
...
I would want his heart and
mind to be filled with the pleasant memories of deep, meaningful times together
...
I would want him to
remember the times he came to me with his problems and concerns
...
I would want him to know I wasn't perfect, but that I had tried with everything
I had
...

The reason I would want those things is because, deep down, I value my children
...
I value my role as their father
...
I get caught up in the "thick of thin things
...
I become
reactive
...

Because I am self-aware, because I have imagination and conscience, I can examine my deepest
values
...
And I can change
...
I can tie myself to my limitless potential instead of my limiting past
...

To Begin with the End in Mind means to approach my role as a parent, as well as my other roles in
life, with my values and directions clear
...

It also means to begin each day with those values firmly in mind
...
I can act with integrity
...
I can be truly proactive, value driven, because my
values are clear
...
It focuses on what you want to be (character) and to do
(contributions and achievements) and on the values or principles upon which being and doing are
based
Because each individual is unique, a personal mission statement will reflect that uniqueness, both in
content and form
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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Seek and merit divine help
...


Remember the people involved
...


Obtain counsel of others
...


Be sincere yet decisive
...


Plan tomorrow's work today
...


Maintain a positive attitude
...


Be orderly in person and in work
...

Facilitate the success of subordinates
...

Concentrate all abilities and efforts on the task at hand, not worrying about the next job or
promotion
...

My home will be a place where I and my family, friends, and guests find joy, comfort, peace, and
happiness
...
I
will exercise wisdom in what we choose to eat, read, see, and do at home
...

I value the rights, freedoms, and responsibilities of our democratic society
...

I will be a self-starting individual who exercises initiative in accomplishing my life's goals
...

I will always try to keep myself free from addictive and destructive habits
...

My money will be my servant, not my master
...
My
wants will be subject to my needs and my means
...
I will spend less than I earn and regularly save or invest part
of my income
...

You could call a personal mission statement a personal constitution
...
In over 200 years, there have been only 26 amendments,
10 of which were in the original Bill of Rights
...
It is
the document the president agrees to defend and support when he takes the Oath of Allegiance
...
It is the foundation and the center that
enables people to ride through such major traumas as the Civil War, Vietnam, or Watergate
...

The Constitution has endured and serves its vital function today because it is based on correct

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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principles, on the self-evident truths contained in the Declaration of Independence
...

"Our peculiar security," said Thomas Jefferson, "is in the possession of a written Constitution
...
It becomes a personal constitution, the basis for making major, life-directing decisions, the
basis for making daily decisions in the midst of the circumstances and emotions that affect our lives
...

People can't live with change if there's not a changeless core inside them
...

With a mission statement, we can flow with changes
...

We don't need to figure out everything else in life, to stereotype and categorize everything and
everybody in order to accommodate reality
Our personal environment is also changing at an ever-increasing pace
...
They
become reactive and essentially give up, hoping that the things that happen to them will be good
...
In the Nazi death camps where Viktor Frankl learned the
principle of proactivity, he also learned the importance of purpose, of meaning in life
...

Logotherapy eliminates that emptiness by helping the individual to detect his unique meaning, his
mission in life
...
You have the
vision and the values which direct your life
...
You have the power of a written constitution based on correct principles,
against which every decision concerning the most effective use of your time, your talents, and your
energies can be effectively measured
...

It is here that we deal with our vision and our values
...
It is here that
we use our endowment of conscience as a compass to help us detect our own unique talents and areas
of contribution
...

It is also here that our focused efforts achieve the greatest results
...
This is highest-leverage PC work, significantly
impacting the effectiveness of every aspect of our lives
...

Security represents your sense of worth, your identity, your emotional anchorage, your self-esteem,
your basic personal strength or lack of it
...
Encompassed by your map, your internal frame of
reference that interprets for you what is happening out there, are standards or principles or implicit
criteria that govern moment-by-moment decision-making and doing
...

It embraces judgment, discernment,
comprehension
...

Power is the faculty or capacity to act, the strength and potency to accomplish something
...
It also includes the capacity to overcome deeply
embedded habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones
...
Security and
clear guidance bring true wisdom, and wisdom becomes the spark or catalyst to release and direct
power
...

These life-support factors also undergird every other dimension of life
...
The degree to which you have developed each one could be charted somewhere
on a continuum, much like the Maturity Continuum described earlier
...
You are basically dependent on circumstances or other people, things over which
you have no direct control
...
You have independent strength and
the foundation for rich, interdependent relationships
...
Your guidance ranges on the continuum from dependence on
the social mirror or other unstable, fluctuating sources to strong inner direction
...
Your power lies somewhere between immobilization or being a puppet pulled by someone
else's strings to high proactivity, the power to act according to your own values instead of being acted
upon by other people and circumstances
...

Alternative Centers
Each of us has a center, though we usually don't recognize it as such
...

Let's briefly examine several centers or core paradigms people typically have for a better
understanding of how they affect these four fundamental dimensions and, ultimately, the sum of life
that flows from them
...
Marriage can be the most intimate, the most satisfying, the most enduring,
growth-producing of human relationships
...

But experience and observation tell a different story
...
That thread is strong emotional
dependence
...
We become vulnerable to the moods and feelings, the behavior and
treatment of our spouse, or to any external event that may impinge on the relationship -- a new child,
in-laws, economic setbacks, social successes, and so forth
...
But so does our spouse
...

Different ways of handling financial, child-discipline, or in-law issues come to the surface
...

When we are dependent on the person with whom we are in conflict, both need and conflict are
compounded
...
When these occur, we tend
to fall even further back on background tendencies and habits in an effort to justify and defend our own
behavior and we attack our spouse's
...

So we resort to sarcasm, cutting humor, criticism -- anything that will keep from exposing the
tenderness within
...

There is only phantom security in such a relationship when all appears to be going well
...
Wisdom and power are lost in the counterdependent negative
interactions
...
Another common center is the family
...
As an area of focus and deep investment, it provides great opportunities for deep
relationships, for loving, for sharing, for much that makes life worthwhile
...

People who are family-centered get their sense of security or personal worth from the family
tradition and culture or the family reputation
...

Family-centered parents do not have the emotional freedom, the power, to raise their children with
their ultimate welfare truly in mind
...
Or they may be focused on the proper and correct behavior of the moment
...
They become upset, guided by the
emotions of the moment, spontaneously reacting to the immediate concern rather than the long-term
growth and development of the child
...
They tend
to love their children conditionally, making them emotionally dependent or counterdependent and
rebellious
...
Another logical and extremely common center to people's lives is making
money
...
In a
hierarchy or continuum of needs, physical survival and financial security comes first
...

Most of us face economic worries
...

Sometimes there are apparently noble reasons given for making money, such as the desire to take
care of one's family
...
But to focus on money-making as a center will
bring about its own undoing
...
Suppose I
derive much of my security from my employment or from my income or net worth
...
When my sense of personal worth comes from my net worth, I
am vulnerable to anything that will affect that net worth
...
All it takes to show the

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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limitations of a money center is a crisis in my life or in the life of a loved one
...
I know one father who was leaving with his children
for a promised trip to the circus when a phone call came for him to come to work instead
...

When his wife suggested that perhaps he should have gone to work, he responded, "The work will
come again, but childhood won't
...

Work Centeredness
...
Their
fundamental identity comes from their work -- "I'm a doctor," "I'm a writer," "I'm an actor
...
Their guidance is a
function of the demands of the work
...

Possession Centeredness
...
Most of us are aware, through our own experience,
how singularly flawed such a center is, simply because it can vanish rapidly and it is influenced by so
many forces
...
If I'm in the presence
of someone of greater net worth or fame or status, I feel inferior
...
My sense of self-worth constantly fluctuates
...
I am constantly trying to
protect and insure my assets, properties, securities, position, or reputation
...

Pleasure Centeredness
...
We live in a world where instant gratification is available and encouraged
...
They graphically portray what other
people have and can do in living the life of ease and "fun
...

Innocent pleasures in moderation can provide relaxation for the body and mind and can foster
family and other relationships
...
The pleasure-centered person, too soon bored with each succeeding level of "fun,"
constantly cries for more and more
...
" A person in this state becomes almost entirely narcissistic, interpreting all
of life in terms of the pleasure it provides to the self here and now
...
It ensures that a person's capacities stay dormant, that talents
remain undeveloped, that the mind and spirit become lethargic and that the heart is unfulfilled
...

Malcom Muggeridge writes "A Twentieth-Century Testimony":
When I look back on my life nowadays, which I sometimes do, what strikes me most forcibly about

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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it is that what seemed at the time most significant and seductive, seems now most futile and absurd
...

In retrospect, all these exercises in self-gratification seem pure fantasy, what Pascal called, "licking
the earth
...
Young people are particularly, though certainly not exclusively,
susceptible to becoming friend-centered
...
The distorted and ever-changing social mirror becomes the source for
the four life-support factors, creating a high degree of dependence on the fluctuating moods, feelings,
attitudes, and behavior of others
...
The emotional dependence on one individual, the escalating need/conflict spiral, and the
resulting negative interactions can grow out of friend centeredness
...
Nevertheless, enemy centering is very common,
particularly when there is frequent interaction between people who are in real conflict
...

Rather than proactively leading his own life, the enemy-centered person is counterdependently reacting
to the behavior and attitudes of a perceived enemy
...
He allowed himself to think
about the man constantly until eventually it became an obsession
...
He
finally came to the conclusion that he had to leave the university and accept a teaching appointment
somewhere else
...

"Yes, I would," he responded
...
I have to go
...

He was shocked by the question
...
But I pointed out to him that he was allowing one
individual and his weaknesses to distort his entire map of life, to undermine his faith and the quality of
his relationships with his loved ones
...
He attributed the responsibility for the unhappy situation to the
administrator
...

As we talked, little by little, he came to realize that he was indeed responsible, but that because he
did not handle this responsibility well, he was being irresponsible
...
They are still consumed with anger and bitterness
and self-justification regarding an ex-spouse
...

Many "older" children go through life either secretly or openly hating their parents
...

The individual who is friend- or enemy-centered has no intrinsic security
...
Guidance comes from the
person's perception of how others will respond, and wisdom is limited by the social lens or by an

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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enemy-centered paranoia
...
Other people are pulling the strings
...
I believe that almost anyone who is seriously involved in any church will
recognize that churchgoing is not synonymous with personal spirituality
...
There are others
who attend church less frequently or not at all but whose attitudes and behavior reflect a more genuine
centering in the principles of the basic Judeo-Christian ethic
...

You can be active in a church but inactive in its gospel
...
Guidance comes from a
social conscience, and the church-centered person tends to label others artificially in terms of "active,"
"inactive," "liberal," "orthodox," or "conservative
...
Living the
principles taught by the church can do this, but the organization alone cannot
...
Church-centered people often tend
to live in compartments, acting and thinking and feeling in certain ways on the Sabbath and in totally
different ways on weekdays
...

Seeing the church as an end rather than as a means to an end undermines a person's wisdom and
sense of balance
...
It claims to be one vehicle through which divine power can be channeled
into man's nature
...
Perhaps the most common center today is the self
...
But if we look closely at many of the popular
approaches to growth and self-fulfillment, we often find self-centering at their core
...
Like the Dead Sea
in Palestine, it accepts but never gives
...

On the other hand, paying attention to the development of self in the greater perspective of
improving one's ability to serve, to produce, to contribute in meaningful ways, gives context for
dramatic increase in the four life-support factors
These are some of the more common centers from which people approach life
...
You probably know
someone who puts making money ahead of everything else
...
If you look, you
can sometimes see beyond behavior into the center that creates it
...
If
you can identify with one or more of the descriptions below, you can trace it back to the center from
which it flows, a center which may be limiting your personal effectiveness
...

SECURITY
Your feelings of security are based on the way your spouse treats you
...


There is deep disappointment resulting in withdrawal or conflict when your spouse disagrees with

you or does not meet your expectations
...

GUIDANCE
Your direction comes from your own needs and wants and from those of your spouse
...

Your decision-making criterion is limited to what you think is best for your marriage or your mate,
or to the preferences and opinions of your spouse
...

POWER
Your power to act is limited by weaknesses in your spouse and in yourself
...

SECURITY
Your security is founded on family acceptance and fulfilling family expectations
...

Your feelings of self-worth are based on the family reputation
...

Your decision-making criterion is what is good for the family, or what family members want
...

POWER
Your actions are limited by family models traditions
...

SECURITY
Your personal worth is determined by your net worth
...

GUIDANCE
Profit is your decision-making criterion
...

POWER
You are restricted to what you can accomplish with your money and your limited vision
...


SECURITY

You tend to define yourself by your occupational role
...


GUIDANCE

You make your decisions based on the needs and expectations of your work
...

POWER
Your actions are limited by work role models, organizational constraints, occupational opportunities,
your boss's perceptions, and your possible inability at some point in your life to do that particular work
...

SECURITY
Your security is based on your reputation, your social status, or the tangible things you possess
...

GUIDANCE
You make your decisions based on what will protect, increase, or better display your possessions
...

POWER
You function within the limits of what you can buy or the social prominence you can achieve
...


SECURITY

You feel secure only when you're on a pleasure "high
...


GUIDANCE

You make your decisions based on what will give you the most pleasure
...


POWER

Your power is almost negligible
...


SECURITY

Your security is a function of the social mirror
...


GUIDANCE

Your decision-making criterion is "What will they think?

You are easily embarrassed
...


Your actions are as fickle as opinion
...


*
*
*

If you are Enemy Centered
...


You are always wondering what he is up to
...


GUIDANCE

You are counter-dependently guided by your enemy's actions
...


WISDOM

Your judgment is narrow and distorted
...


POWER

The little power you do have comes from anger, envy, resentment, and vengeance -- negative energy

that shrivels and destroys, leaving energy for littlle else
...

SECURITY
Your security is based on church activity and on the esteem in which you are held by those in
authority or influence in the church
...

GUIDANCE
You are guided by how others will evaluate your actions in the context of church teachings and
expectations
...

POWER
Perceived power comes from your church position or role
...

SECURITY
Your security is constantly changing and shifting
...
" "What I want
...
" "What's in it for me?
WISDOM
You view the world by how decisions, events, or circumstances will affect you
...

More often than not, a person's center is some combination of these and/or other centers
...
Depending on
external or internal conditions, one particular center may be activated until the underlying needs are
satisfied
...

As a person fluctuates from one center to another, the resulting relativism is like roller coasting
through life
...
There is no consistent sense of direction,
no persistent wisdom, no steady power supply or sense of personal, intrinsic worth and identity
...

A Principle Center
By centering our lives on correct principles, we create a solid foundation for development of the four
life-support factors
Our security comes from knowing that, unlike other centers based on people or things which are
subject to frequent and immediate change, correct principles do not change
...
They won't divorce us or run away with our best friend
...
They can't pave our way with shortcuts and quick fixes
...
Principles don't die
...
They can't be destroyed by fire, earthquake, or theft
...
They are
tightly interwoven threads running with exactness, consistency, beauty, and strength through the fabric
of life
...
Even more important, we can be secure in the
knowledge that we can validate them in our own lives, by our own experience
...
Our knowledge and understanding of correct principles is
limited by our own lack of awareness of our true nature and the world around us and by the flood of
trendy philosophies and theories that are not in harmony with correct principles
...

We are limited, but we can push back the borders of our limitations
...
The principles
don't change; our understanding of them does
...
Correct maps enable us to clearly see where we want
to go and how to get there
...

The personal power that comes from Principle-Centered Living is the power of a self-aware,
knowledgeable, proactive individual, unrestricted by the attitudes, behaviors, and actions of others or
by many of the circumstances and environmental influences that limit other people
...
We are
free to choose our actions, based on our knowledge of correct principles, but we are not free to choose
the consequences of those actions
...

Principles always have natural consequences attached to them
...
There are negative consequences when we ignore them
...
And the more we know of correct principles, the greater is our personal freedom to act
wisely
...
It is the center that puts all other centers in perspective
...

SECURITY
Your security is based on correct principles that do not change, regardless of external conditions or
circumstances
...

As a measurement of self-improvement, correct principles function with exactness, consistency,
beauty and strength
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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Your source of security provides you with an immovable, unchanging, unfailing core enabling you
to see change as an exciting adventure and opportunity to make significant contributions
...

You use accurate data which makes your decisions both implementable and meaningful
...
Your
decisions and actions reflect both short and long-term considerations and implications
...

WISDOM
Your judgment encompasses a broad spectrum of long-term consequences and reflects a wise
balance and quiet assurance
...

You view the world through a fundamental paradigm for effective, provident living
...

You adopt a proactive lifestyle, seeking to serve and build others
...

POWER
Your power is limited only by your understanding and observance of natural law and correct
principles and by the natural consequences of the principles themselves
...

Your ability to act reaches far beyond your own resources and encourages highly developed levels
of interdependency
...

You experience an interdependent freedom
...
A
paradigm is like a pair of glasses; it affects the way you see everything in your life
...

I have included in the Appendix section of this book a detailed chart which shows how each center
we've discussed might possibly affect the way you see everything else
...
As you read, try to put on each pair of glasses
...

Suppose tonight you have invited your wife to go to a concert
...
It's four o'clock in the afternoon
...
M
...

If you're looking through spouse-centered or family-centered glasses, your main concern will be
your wife
...
You may feel you have to stay to protect your job, but you'll do so grudgingly, anxious about her
response, trying to justify your decision and protect yourself from her disappointment or anger
...
You may call your wife and simply tell
her you have to stay, assuming she'll understand that economic demands come first
...
You can learn more about the job
...
You may give yourself a pat on the
back for putting hours well beyond what is required, evidence of what a hard worker you are
...

Or you might consider what an asset to your reputation at the office it would be if you stayed
...

If you're pleasure-centered, you'll probably can the work and go to the concert, even if your wife
would be happy for you to work late
...
Or whether your friends at work were going to stay late, too
...
While he's off having fun, you'll be
working and slaving, doing his work and yours, sacrificing your personal pleasure for the good of the
company he can so blithely ignore
...
Your decision might also be
affected by what you think a "good church member" would do and by whether you view the extra work
as "service" or "seeking after material wealth
...
Would it be better for
you to go out for the evening? Or would it be better for you to make a few points with the boss? How
the different options affect you will be your main concern
...
And if that center does not empower you as a proactive person, it becomes
fundamental to your effectiveness to make the necessary Paradigm Shifts to create a center that will
...
Looking at the balanced whole -- the
work needs, the family needs, other needs that may be involved and the possible implications of the
various alternative decisions -- you'll try to come up with the best solution, taking all factors into
consideration
...
You
might make the same choice with a number of other centers
...
First, you are not being acted
upon by other people or circumstances
...
You make your decisions consciously and knowledgeably
...

Third, what you choose to do contributes to your ultimate values in life
...
The
experiences you have as you carry out your decisions take on quality and meaning in the context of
your life as a whole
...

Because you are independent, you can be effectively
interdependent
...

And finally, you'll feel comfortable about your decision
...

As a principle-centered person, you see things differently
...
Because you have a high degree of security, guidance,
wisdom, and power that flows from a solid, unchanging core, you have the foundation of a highly
proactive and highly effective life
...
We can then focus that lens on how we, as unique individuals,
relate to that world
Frankl says we detect rather than invent our missions in life
...
I think
each of us has an internal monitor or sense, a conscience, that gives us an awareness of our own
uniqueness and the singular contributions that we can make
...
Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated
...

In seeking to give verbal expression to that uniqueness, we are again reminded of the fundamental
importance of proactivity and of working within our Circle of Influence
...

Our meaning comes from within
...
In a word, each
man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can
only respond by being responsible
...
Returning to the
computer metaphor, Habit 1 says "You are the programmer
...
"
Until you accept the idea that you are responsible, that you are the programmer, you won't really invest
in writing the program
...

We can write a personal mission statement, a personal constitution
...
It takes deep introspection, careful
analysis, thoughtful expression, and often many rewrites to produce it in final form
...
Even then, you will want to review it
regularly and make minor changes as the years bring additional insights or changing circumstances
...
It becomes the criterion by which you measure everything else in your life
...
Sitting on the
edge of a beach, alone, at the end of a bicycle ride, I took out my organizer and hammered it out
...

I find the process is as important as the product
...
As you do, other people begin to sense that you're not being driven by everything
that happens to you
...


Using Your Whole Brain
Our self-awareness empowers us to examine our own thoughts
...

Understanding how to tap into that right brain capacity greatly increases our first-creation ability
...
The findings basically indicated that each hemisphere of the brain -- left and right
-- tends to specialize in and preside over different functions, process different kinds of information, and
deal with different kinds of problems
...
The left deals with words, the right with pictures; the left with parts and
specifics, the right with wholes and the relationship between the parts
...
The left deals with
sequential thinking; the right with simultaneous and holistic thinking
...

Although people use both sides of the brain, one side or the other generally tends to be dominant in
each individual
...
But people tend to stay in the "comfort zone" of their
dominant hemisphere and process every situation according to either a right- or left-brain preference
...
" This is another factor that affects the "young lady/old lady" perception difference
...

We live in a primarily left-brain-dominant world, where words and measurement and logic are
enthroned, and the more creative, intuitive, sensing, artistic aspect of our nature is often subordinated
...

Admittedly this description is oversimplified and new studies will undoubtedly throw more light
on brain functioning
...
As we become aware of its different capacities, we
can consciously use our minds to meet specific needs in more effective ways
...
The more we are able
to draw upon our right-brain capacity, the more fully we will be able to visualize, to synthesize, to
transcend time and present circumstances, to project a holistic picture of what we want to do and to be
in life
...
The death of a loved one, a severe illness, a financial setback, or
extreme adversity can cause us to stand back, look at our lives, and ask ourselves some hard questions:

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

"What's really important? Why am I doing what I'm doing?
But if you're proactive, you don't have to wait for circumstances or other people to create
perspective-expanding experiences
...

There are a number of ways to do this
...
Write your own eulogy
...
Be specific
...
Have your spouse
visualize this with you
...

You can visualize your retirement from your present occupation
...
Visualize in rich detail
...

Involve as many of the senses as you can
...
"Assume you only
have this one semester to live," I tell my students, "and that during this semester you are to stay in
school as a good student
...

Things are suddenly placed in a different perspective
...

I have also asked students to live with that expanded perspective for a week and keep a diary of
their experiences
...
They start writing to parents to tell them how much they love and
appreciate them
...

The dominant, central theme of their activities, the underlying principle, is love
...
Principles and values become more evident to everybody
...
But the net effect of every one I have ever used is the same
...
They start to think in larger terms than today and tomorrow
...
It doesn't begin and end with the writing of a
personal mission statement
...
And in that effort, your
powerful right-brain capacity can be a great help to you on a daily basis as you work to integrate your
personal mission statement into your life
...
"
Let's go back to an example we mentioned before
...
Suppose I identify that as one of my fundamental values in my personal mission
statement
...

I can use my right-brain power of visualization to write an "affirmation" that will help me become
more congruent with my deeper values in my daily life
...
So I might write something like this: "It is deeply satisfying (emotional) that I
(personal) respond (present tense) with wisdom, love, firmness, and self-control (positive) when my
children misbehave
...
I can spend a few minutes each day and totally relax my mind and body
...
I can visualize them in rich detail
...

I can see the dress my daughter has on, the expression on her face
...

Then I can see her do something very specific which normally makes my heart pound and my
temper start to flare
...
I can write the
program, write the script, in harmony with my values, with my personal mission statement
...
Instead of living out of the scripts given to
me by my own parents or by society or by genetics or my environment, I will be living out of the script I
have written from my own self-selected value system
...
We started when he played quarterback in high school, and eventually, I taught
him how to do it on his own
...
Then I would help him visualize
himself right in the heat of the toughest situations imaginable
...
He had to read the blitz and respond
...
He would imagine quick reads with
his first receiver, his second receiver, his third receiver
...

At one point in his football career, he told me he was constantly getting uptight
...
So we worked on visualizing relaxation in the middle of
the big pressure circumstance
...

If you visualize the wrong thing, you'll produce the wrong thing
...
Charles Garfield has done extensive research on peak performers, both in athletics and in
business
...
Although he had a doctorate in mathematics, he decided to go back and get
another Ph
...
in the field of psychology and study the characteristics of peak performers
...
They see it; they feel it; they experience it before they actually do it
...

You can do it in every area of your life
...
Create an internal "comfort zone
...
It
doesn't scare you
...

There is an entire body of literature and audio and video tapes that deals with this process of
visualization and affirmation
...
These all involve explanation, elaboration, and different packaging of the fundamental
principles of the first creation
...

Although some made extravagant claims and relied on anecdotal rather than scientific evidence, I think
that most of the material is fundamentally sound
...

In effective personal leadership, visualization and affirmation techniques emerge naturally out of a
foundation of well thought through purposes and principles that become the center of a person's life
...
I believe that central to all enduring religions in
society are the same principles and practices clothed in different language -- meditation, prayer,
covenants, ordinances, scripture study, empathy, compassion, and many different forms of the use of
both conscience and imagination
...

Affirmation and visualization are forms of programming, and we must be certain that we do not
submit ourselves to any programming that is not in harmony with our basic center or that comes from
sources centered on money-making, self interest, or anything other than correct principles
...
" But I believe the higher use of imagination is in harmony with
the use of conscience to transcend self and create a life of contribution based on unique purpose and on
the principles that govern interdependent reality
...
Just as
breathing exercises help integrate body and mind, writing is a kind of psycho-neural muscular activity
which helps bridge and integrate the conscious and subconscious minds
...

We each have a number of different roles in our lives -- different areas or capacities in which we
have responsibility
...
And each of these roles is important
...
They lose the sense of proportion, the balance, the natural ecology
necessary to effective living
...
In the
name of professional success, they may neglect the most precious relationships in their lives
...
Look at your professional role
...
What are you about in that area? What are the values that should guide you? Think of your
personal roles -- husband, wife, father, mother, neighbor, friend
...

One executive has used the idea of roles and goals to create the following mission statement:
My mission is to live with integrity and to make a difference in the lives of others
...

I sacrifice: I devote my time, talents, and resources to my mission
...

I am impactful: What I do makes a difference in the lives of others
...
Together we contribute the fruits
of harmony, industry, charity, and thrift
...

Son/Brother -- I am frequently "there" for support and love
...

Neighbor -- The love of Christ is visible through my actions toward others
...

Scholar -- I learn important new things every day
...

It keeps each role clearly before you
...

After you identify your various roles, then you can think about the Long Term Goals are plans you
make that support the principles described in your Mission Statement
...
Typically, Long Term Goals take longer than a week to
complete, but are most specific than the lifetime goals of your Mission Statement
...
We're into the right brain again, using imagination,
creativity, conscience, and inspiration
...
They will be in
harmony with correct principles, with natural laws, which gives you greater power to achieve them
...
They are your goals
...
And they grow out of your chosen roles in life
...
It identifies where you want to
be, and, in the process, helps you determine where you are
...
It unifies your efforts and energy
...
And it can finally translate itself into daily activities so that you
are proactive, you are in charge of your life, you are making happen each day the things that will enable
you to fulfill your personal mission statement
...
If you don't yet
have a personal mission statement, it's a good place to begin
...

As we move into Habit 3, we'll go into greater depth in the area of short-term goals
...
These roles and long-term goals will provide the foundation for effective goal setting and
achieving when we get to the Habit 3 day-to-day management of life and time
...
In addition to individuals, families,
service groups, and organizations of all kinds become significantly more effective as they Begin with the
End in Mind
...
Symptoms surface whenever stress and pressure mount: people become cynical,
critical, or silent or they start yelling and overreacting
...

The core of any family is what is changeless, what is always going to be there -- shared vision and
values
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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This mission statement becomes its constitution, the standard, the criterion for evaluation and
decision making
...
When individual
values are harmonized with those of the family, members work together for common purposes that are
deeply felt
...
The very process of writing and refining a
mission statement becomes a key way to improve the family
...

By getting input from every family member, drafting a statement, getting feedback, revising it, and
using wording from different family members, you get the family talking, communicating, on things
that really matter deeply
...
Periodic review to expand perspective,
shift emphasis or direction, amend or give new meaning to time-worn phrases can keep the family
united in common values and purposes
...
When the
problems and crises come, the constitution is there to remind family members of the things that matter
most and to provide direction for problem solving and decision making based on correct principles
...
When we read the phrases about the sounds of love in our home, order,
responsible independence, cooperation, helpfulness, meeting needs, developing talents, showing
interest in each other's talents, and giving service to others it gives us some criteria to know how we're
doing in the things that matter most to us as a family
...
It renews us, it recommits us to what we believe in, what we stand for
...
One of the most important thrusts of
my work with organizations is to assist them in developing effective mission statements
...
Everyone should
participate in a meaningful way -- not just the top strategy planners, but everyone
...

I am always intrigued whenever I go to IBM and watch the training process there
...

These things represent the belief system of IBM
...
Almost like osmosis, this belief system has spread throughout the entire organization,
providing a tremendous base of shared values and personal security for everyone who works there
...
It was small group, about 20 people,
and one of them became ill
...
The IBM people responsible for the training session arranged to have
him taken to an excellent hospital with medical specialists in the disease
...

So they decided to get him home
...

I don't know what costs that involved; my guess would be many thousands of dollars
...
That's what the company stands for
...
I was impressed
...
I was
amazed at the level of service there
...
It was evident at all levels,
spontaneously, without supervision
...
The man at the desk said,
"No, Mr
...
" His attitude was one of total concern about my comfort and
welfare
...
"Do you have everything you
need? What can I do for you? I'm here to serve you
...
This man was sincere
...
So I went out into the hall during the brief break and found a bellboy
running to another convention
...
"I'm here training a group of managers
and I only have a short break
...

He whipped around and almost came to attention
...

Covey, I will solve your problem
...
" He just took care of
it
...

Later, I was in the side lobby, looking at some of the art objects
...
Covey, would you like to see a book that describes the art objects in this hotel?"
How anticipatory! How service-oriented!
I next observed one of the employees high up on a ladder cleaning windows in the lobby
...
She hadn't really
fallen, and she was with other people
...
Then he went back and finished
cleaning the windows
...
I interviewed housekeepers, waitresses, bellboys in that hotel and
found that this attitude had impregnated the minds, hearts, and attitudes of every employee there
...
" I finally went to the manager and said, "My business is helping organizations
develop a powerful team character, a team culture
...
"
"Do you want to know the real key?" he inquired
...

After reading it, I acknowledged, "That's an impressive statement
...
"
"Do you want to see the one for this hotel?" he asked
...
"
"Different from the one for the hotel chain?"
"Yes
...
" He handed me another paper
...

"Everybody," he replied
...
"
"Housekeepers?"
"Yes
...
"
"Desk clerks?"
"Yes
...
Everyone, at every level, was involved
...
It spawned the thoughtful, more
specialized mission statements of particular groups of employees
...
It clarified what those people stood for -- how they related to the
customer, how they related to each other
...
It
affected the compensation system
...
Every aspect of that organization, essentially, was a function of that hub, that
mission statement
...
At this hotel, I came to understand the
motto "Uncompromising personalized service" a little more
...
I
always found that service was delivered in a very impressive, excellent way
...
For instance, in the swimming area I asked the attendant where the drinking
fountain was
...

But the thing that impressed me the very most was to see an employee, on his own, admit a mistake
to his boss
...
On the
way to our room, the room service person spilled the hot chocolate, and it took a few extra minutes to
go back and change the linen on the tray and replace the drink
...

Nevertheless, the next morning the room service manager phoned us to apologize and invited us to
have either the buffet breakfast or a room service breakfast, compliments of the hotel, to in some way
compensate for the inconvenience
...
But there is a real difference, all the difference in the world, in the effectiveness of a
mission statement created by everyone involved in the organization and one written by a few top
executives behind a mahogany wall
...
They simply don't buy into them
...
I commonly find reward systems completely out of alignment with stated
value systems
...
Mark it down, asterisk it, circle it, underline it
...

Now, in the early stages -- when a person is new to an organization or when a child in the family is
young -- you can pretty well give them a goal and they'll buy it, particularly if the relationship,
orientation, and training are good
...
And if they don't have that involvement, they don't buy it
...

That's why creating an organizational mission statement takes time, patience, involvement, skill, and
empathy
...
It takes time and sincerity, correct principles, and the courage
and integrity to align systems, structure, and management style to the shared vision and values
...

An organizational mission statement -- one that truly reflects the deep shared vision and values of
everyone within that organization -- creates a great unity and tremendous commitment
...
They don't need someone else directing, controlling, criticizing, or taking cheap shots
...

Application Suggestions
1
...
You may want to use the chart below to organize your thoughts
...
Take a few moments and write down your roles as you now see them
...

3
...

4
...
Do they form a pattern for the behavior in your life? Are you comfortable with the
implications of your analysis
...
Start a collection of notes, quotes, and ideas you may want to use as resource material in writing
your
...

6
...
Write down the results you desire and what steps will lead to those results
...
Share the principles of Habit 2 with your family or work group and suggest that together you
begin the process of developing a family or group mission statement
...

Question 1: What one thing could you do (you aren't doing now) that if you did on a regular basis,
would make a tremendous positive difference in your personal life?
Question 2: What one thing in your business or professional life would bring similar results?
We'll come back to these answers later
...

Habit 1 says, "You're the creator
...
" It's based on the four unique human
endowments of imagination, conscience, independent will, and particularly, self-awareness
...
I don't like that ineffective script
...
"
Habit 2 is the first or mental creation
...
It's the deep contact with our basic paradigms and values and the vision of
what we can become
...
It's the fulfillment, the actualization,
the natural emergence of Habits 1 and 2
...
It's the day-in, day-out, moment-by-moment doing it
...
You can't become
principle-centered without first being aware of and developing your own proactive nature
...
You can't become principle-centered without a vision of and a
focus on the unique contribution that is yours to make
...

Management, remember, is clearly different from leadership
...
It's more of an art; it's based on a philosophy
...

But once you have dealt with those issues, once you have resolved them, you then have to manage
yourself effectively to create a life congruent with your answers
...
" But if you are in the right jungle, it
makes all the difference
...
Management is the breaking down, the analysis, the sequencing, the
specific application, the time-bound left-brain aspect of effective self-government
...

The Power of Independent Will
In addition to self-awareness, imagination, and conscience, it is the fourth human endowment -independent will -- that really makes effective self-management possible
...
It is the ability to act rather than to be acted
upon, to proactively carry out the program we have developed through the other three endowments
...
Time after time, it has triumphed against unbelievable odds
...

But as we examine this endowment in the context of effective self-management, we realize it's
usually not the dramatic, the visible, the once-in-a-lifetime, up-by-the-bootstraps effort that brings
enduring success
...

The degree to which we have developed our independent will in our everyday lives is measured by
our personal integrity
...
It's our ability to
make and keep commitments to ourselves, to "walk our talk
...

Effective management is putting first things first
...

carrying it out
...

In other words, if you are an effective manager of your self, your discipline comes from within; it is a
function of your independent will
...
And you have the will, the integrity, to subordinate your feelings, your impulses, your moods
to those values
...
M
...
He
spent his life searching for the one denominator that all successful people share
...
The one factor that
seemed to transcend all the rest embodies the essence of Habit 3: Putting First Things First
...

"They don't like doing them either necessarily
...
"
That subordination requires a purpose, a mission, a Habit 2 clear sense of direction and value, a
burning "Yes!" inside that makes it possible to say "no" to other things
...
It's the power to act with integrity to
your proactive first creation
...
As a longtime student of this fascinating field, I am personally persuaded that the
essence of the best thinking in the area of time management can be captured in a single phrase:
Organize and execute around priorities
...

Personal management has evolved in a pattern similar to many other areas of human endeavor
...
For example, in social development, the agricultural revolution
was followed by the industrial revolution, which was followed by the informational revolution
...

Likewise, in the area of time management, each generation builds on the one before it -- each one
moves us toward greater control of our lives
...

The second generation could be characterized by calendars and appointment books
...

The third generation reflects the current time-management field
...
In addition, it focuses on setting goals -specific long-, intermediate-, and short-term targets toward which time and energy would be directed
in harmony with values
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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While the third generation has made a significant contribution, people have begun to realize that
"efficient" scheduling and control of time are often counterproductive
...

As a result, many people have become turned off by time management programs and planners that
make them feel too scheduled, too restricted, and they "throw the baby out with the bath water,"
reverting to first- or second-generation techniques to preserve relationships, to meet human needs, and
to enjoy spontaneous moments on a daily basis
...
It recognizes that "time
management" is really a misnomer -- the challenge is not to manage time, but to manage ourselves
...
And expectation (and satisfaction) lie in
our Circle of Influence
...

Quadrant II
The essential focus of the fourth generation of management can be captured in the Time
Management Matrix diagrammed on the next page
...

As you see, the two factors that define an activity are urgent and important
...
It's "Now!" Urgent things act on us
...
Most
people can't stand the thought of just allowing the phone to ring
...

If you were to phone someone, there aren't many people who would say, "I'll get to you in 15
minutes; just hold
...

Urgent matters are usually visible
...
They're often popular
with others
...
And often they are pleasant, easy, fun to do
...
If something is important, it contributes to
your mission, your values, your high priority goals
...
Important matters that are not urgent require more initiative, more
proactivity
...
If we don't practice Habit 2, if
we don't have a clear idea of what is important, of the results we desire in our lives, we are easily
diverted into responding to the urgent
...
Quadrant I is both
urgent and important
...
We usually
call the activities in Quadrant I "crises" or "problems
...
But Quadrant I consumes many people
...

As long as you focus on Quadrant I, it keeps getting bigger and bigger until it dominates you
...
A huge problem comes and knocks you down and you're wiped out
...

Some people are literally beaten up by the problems all day every day
...
So when you look at their total
matrix, 90 percent of their time is in Quadrant I and most of the remaining 10 percent is in Quadrant IV

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

with only negligible attention paid to Quadrants II and III
...


Brought to you by FlyHeart

That's how people who manage their lives

There are other people who spend a great deal of time in "urgent, but not important" Quadrant III,
thinking they're in Quadrant I
...
But the reality is that the urgency of these matters is often based on
the priorities and expectations of others
...

Effective people stay out of Quadrants III and IV because, urgent or not, they aren't important
...

Quadrant II is the heart of effective personal management
...
It deals with things like building relationships, writing a personal mission
statement, long-range planning, exercising, preventive maintenance, preparation -- all those things we
know we need to do, but somehow seldom get around to doing, because they aren't urgent
...

They feed opportunities and starve problems
...
They have genuine
Quadrant I crises and emergencies that require their immediate attention, but the number is
comparatively small
...

With the Time Management Matrix in mind, take a moment now and consider how you answered
the questions at the beginning of this chapter
...
They are obviously important, deeply
important, but not urgent
...

Now look again at the nature of those questions: What one thing could you do in your personal and
professional life that, if you did on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in
your life? Quadrant II activities have that kind of impact
...

I asked a similar question to a group of shopping center managers
...

We did an analysis of the time they were spending on that activity
...

They had good reasons -- problems, one right after another
...
Quadrant I had
consumed them
...
The only reason they visited the store managers at all was to enforce the
contract -- to collect the money or discuss advertising or other practices that were out of harmony with
center guidelines, or some similar thing
...
They had employment
problems, cost problems, inventory problems, and a host of other problems
...
Some were fairly good merchandisers, but they needed help
...

So the owners decided to be proactive
...

In harmony with those priorities, they decided to spend about one-third of their time in helping
relationships with the tenants
...
In addition, they changed their role
...
Their interchanges were filled with positive energy
...
By focusing on relationships and results rather than time and
methods, the numbers went up, the tenants were thrilled with the results created by new ideas and
skills, and the shopping center managers were more effective and satisfied and increased their list of
potential tenants and lease revenue based on increased sales by the tenant stores
...
They were problem solvers, helpers
...
Your effectiveness would
increase dramatically
...
In the time management jargon, this is called the Pareto
Principle -- 80 percent of the results flow out of 20 percent of the activities
...
You can't
ignore the urgent and important activities of Quadrant I, although it will shrink in size as you spend
more time with prevention and preparation in Quadrant II
...

You have to be proactive to work on Quadrant II because Quadrant I and III work on you
...

Some time ago, my wife was invited to serve as chairman of a committee in a community endeavor
...
But she felt pressured into it and finally agreed
...
Her friend
listened for a long time and then said, "Sandra, that sounds like a wonderful project, a really worthy
undertaking
...
I feel honored by it
...
"
Sandra was ready for anything but a pleasant "no
...
"
I don't mean to imply that you shouldn't be involved in significant service projects
...
But you have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage -pleasantly, smiling, nonapologetically -- to say "no" to other things
...
The enemy of the "best" is often the "good
...
If it isn't to the apparent, urgent
things in your life, it is probably to the more fundamental, highly important things
...

When I was Director of University Relations at a large university, I hired a very talented, proactive,
creative writer
...

He said, "Stephen, I'll do whatever you want me to do
...
"
Then he took me over to his wall board, where he had listed over two dozen projects he was

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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working on, together with performance criteria and deadline dates that had been clearly negotiated
before
...
"If you want to
get something done, give it to a busy man
...
Which of
these projects would you like me to delay or cancel to satisfy your request?"
Well, I didn't want to take the responsibility for that
...

The jobs I wanted done were urgent, but not important
...

We say "yes" or "no" to things daily, usually many times a day
...

As I work with different groups, I tell them that the essence of effective time and life management is
to organize and execute around balanced priorities
...
On deeper thought, I believe that is not the
case
...
They haven't really internalized Habit 2
...
And they attempt to give priority to those activities and integrate them
into their lives through self-discipline alone
...
They're working on the
leaves, on the attitudes and the behaviors of discipline, without even thinking to examine the roots, the
basic paradigms from which their natural attitudes and behaviors flow
...
If you are centered on your
spouse, your money, your friends, your pleasure, or any extrinsic factor, you will keep getting thrown
back into Quadrants I and III, reacting to the outside forces your life is centered on
...
Your
independent will alone cannot effectively discipline you against your center
...
Likewise, management follows
leadership
...
If your priorities grow out of a principle center and a personal mission, if
they are deeply planted in your heart and in your mind, you will see Quadrant II as a natural, exciting
place to invest your time
...
Only when you have the self-awareness
to examine your program -- and the imagination and conscience to create a new, unique,
principle-centered program to which you can say "yes" -- only then will you have sufficient
independent will power to say "no," with a genuine smile, to the unimportant
...
It gives
us notes and "to do" lists that we can cross off, and we feel a temporary sense of accomplishment every
time we check something off, but no priority is attached to items on the list
...

respond to whatever penetrates our awareness and apparently needs to be done
...
It's the course of least resistance
...
" Externally imposed disciplines and schedules
give people the feeling that they aren't responsible for results
...
They produce very little, and
their life-style does nothing to build their Production Capability
...

Second-generation managers assume a little more control
...

But again, the activities they schedule have no priority or recognized correlation to deeper values
and goals
...

Third-generation managers take a significant step forward
...

They plan each day and prioritize their activities
...
But this third generation
has some critical limitations
...
The very language "daily planning" focuses on the urgent
-- the "now
...
The third-generation value-driven daily planning
approach basically prioritizes the Quadrant I and III problems and crises of the day
...
It lacks
realism, creating the tendency to over-schedule the day, resulting in frustration and the desire to
occasionally throw away the plan and escape to Quadrant IV
...

While each of the three generations has recognized the value of some kind of management tool,
none has produced a tool that empowers a person to live a principle-centered, Quadrant II life-style
...
The second-generation appointment books and
calendars merely provide a place to record our future commitments so that we can be where we have
agreed to be at the appropriate time
...
Though many trainers and consultants
recognize the value of Quadrant II activities, the actual planning tools of the third generation do not
facilitate organizing and executing around them
...
But there is an added need for
a new dimension, for the paradigm and the implementation that will empower us to move into
Quadrant II, to become principle-centered and to manage ourselves to do what is truly most important
...
But striving to achieve it will have a phenomenal impact on personal effectiveness
...

Coherence: Coherence suggests that there is harmony, unity, and integrity between your vision
and mission, your roles and goals, your priorities and plans, and your desires and discipline
...
There also needs to be a place for your roles and for both short- and long-term goals
...

Many people seem to think that success in one area can compensate for failure in other areas of life
...
But can success in your profession
compensate for a broken marriage, ruined health, or weakness in personal character? True
effectiveness requires balance, and your tool needs to help you create and maintain it
...
You need a tool that encourages you, motivates you, actually helps you spend
the time you need in Quadrant II, so that you're dealing with prevention rather than prioritizing crises
...
You can still adapt
and prioritize on a daily basis, but the fundamental thrust is organizing the week
...

There seems to be implicit cultural recognition of the week as a single, complete unit of time
...
The basic Judeo-Christian
ethic honors the Sabbath, the one day out of every seven set aside for uplifting purposes
...
But most third-generation planning tools focus on daily
planning
...
The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your
priorities
...

A "People" Dimension: You also need a tool that deals with people, not just schedules
...
There are times when principle-centered Quadrant II living
requires the subordination of schedules to people
...

Flexibility: Your planning tool should be your servant, never your master
...

Portability: Your tool should also be portable, so that you can carry it with you most of the time
...
You may want to
measure the value of a new opportunity against something you already have planned
...

Since Quadrant II is the heart of effective self-management, you need a tool that moves you into
Quadrant II
...
But many good third-generation tools can easily be
adapted
...

Becoming a Quadrant II Self-Manager
Although my effort here is to teach principles, not practices, of effectiveness, I believe you can better
understand the principles and the empowering nature of the fourth generation if you actually
experience organizing a week from a principle-centered, Quadrant II base
...

Identifying Roles: The first task is to write down your key roles
...
You
have a role as an individual
...
You may want to list a few roles in your work, indicating different areas in which
you wish to invest time and energy on a regular basis
...

You don't need to worry about defining the roles in a way that you will live with for the rest of your
life -- just consider the week and write down the areas you see yourself spending time in during the
next seven days
...

1
...
Husband/Father
3
...
Manager Research
5
...

6
...
Chairman United Way
1
...
Wife
3
...
Real Estate Salesperson
5
...
Symphony Board Member
Selecting Goals: The next step is to think of two or three important results you feel you should
accomplish in each role during the next seven days
...

At least some of these goals should reflect Quadrant II activities
...
But even if you haven't written your mission statement, you can get a feeling, a sense, of
what is important as you consider each of your roles and two or three goals for each role
...
For example, if your goal is to produce the first draft of your personal mission
statement, you may want to set aside a two-hour block of time on Sunday to work on it
...
It's a good time to
draw back, to see inspiration, to look at your life in the context of principles and values
...
There
are some goals that you may only be able to accomplish during business hours, or some that you can
only do on Saturday when your children are home
...
You can also check your annual or
monthly calendar for any appointments you may have previously made and evaluate their importance
in the context of your goals, transferring those you decide to keep to your schedule and making plans to

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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reschedule or cancel others
...
In addition, notice the
box labeled "Sharpen the Saw TM" that provides a place to plan vital renewing Quadrant II activities in
each of the four human dimensions that will be explained in Habit 7
...

Daily Adapting: With Quadrant II weekly organizing, daily planning becomes more a function of
daily adapting, or prioritizing activities and responding to unanticipated events, relationships, and
experiences in a meaningful way
...
As you overview the day, you can see that your roles and goals provide a natural
prioritization that grows out of your innate sense of balance
...

You may still find that the third-generation A, B, C or 1, 2, 3 prioritization gives needed order to
daily activities
...

They are obviously on a continuum, and some important activities are more important than others
...

But trying to prioritize activities before you even know how they relate to your sense of personal
mission and how they fit into the balance of your life is not effective
...

Can you begin to see the difference between organizing your week as a principle-centered,
Quadrant II manager and planning your days as an individual centered on something else? Can you
begin to sense the tremendous difference the Quadrant II focus would make in your current level of
effectiveness?
Having experienced the power of principle-centered Quadrant II organizing in my own life and
having seen it transform the lives of hundreds of other people, I am persuaded it makes a difference -- a
quantum positive difference
...

Living It
Returning once more to the computer metaphor, if Habit 1 says "You're the programmer" and Habit
2 says "Write the program," then Habit 3 says "Run the program," "Live the program
...

As you go through your week, there will undoubtedly be times when your integrity will be placed
on the line
...
Your principle center, your self-awareness, and your
conscience can provide a high degree of intrinsic security, guidance, and wisdom to empower you to

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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use your independent will and maintain integrity to the truly important
...
As
carefully as you organize the week, these will be times when, as a principle-centered person, you will
need to subordinate your schedule to a higher value
...

At one point, one of my sons was deeply into scheduling and efficiency
...

Everything went according to schedule until it came to Carol
...
So, congruent with his efficiency mode, he had scheduled a 10- to 15-minute telephone call to tell
her
...
One-and-a-half hours later, he was still deeply involved in
a very intense conversation with her
...
The situation was a
very frustrating experience for them both
...
You think effectiveness with people and
efficiency with things
...
I've tried to give 10 minutes of "quality time" to a child or an employee to solve a
problem, only to discover such "efficiency" creates new problems and seldom resolves the deepest
concern
...
Remember,
frustration is a function of our expectations, and our expectations are often a reflection of the social
mirror rather than our own values and priorities
...

You can subordinate your schedule to those values with integrity
...

You don't feel guilty when you don't meet your schedule or when you have to change it
...
They subordinate people to schedules because the
efficiency paradigm of the third generation of management is out of harmony with the principle that
people are more important than things
...
It also recognizes that the first person you
need to consider in terms of effectiveness rather than efficiency is yourself
...
It helps you create balance in your life
...
And when a higher value conflicts with what you have planned, it empowers you to use your
self-awareness and your conscience to maintain integrity to the principles and purposes you have
determined are most important
...

The fourth generation of self-management is more advanced than the third in five important ways
...
More than giving lip service to Quadrant II, it creates the central
paradigm that empowers you to see your time in the context of what is really important and effective
Second, it's conscience-directed
...
But it also gives you the freedom to peacefully
subordinate your schedule to higher values
...
This gives direction
and purpose to the way you spend each day
...

And fifth, it gives greater context through weekly organizing (with daily adaptation as needed),
rising above the limiting perspective of a single day and putting you in touch with your deepest values
through review of your key roles
...

Delegation:

Increasing P and PC

We accomplish all that we do through delegation -- either to time or to other people
...
If we delegate to other people, we think effectiveness
...
But effectively delegating to others is perhaps the single
most powerful high-leverage activity there is
...
Delegation means growth, both for individuals and for organizations
...
C
...
That decision, made long ago, enabled the
development and growth of hundreds of stores and thousands of people
...
But because we are focusing here on principles of personal management, and the ability to delegate
to others is the main difference between the role of manager and independent producer, I am
approaching delegation from the standpoint of your personal managerial skills
...
A
parent who washes the dishes, an architect who draws up blueprints, or a secretary who types
correspondence is a producer
...
A parent who delegates washing the
dishes to a child is a manager
...
A
secretary who supervises other secretaries and office personnel is an office manager
...

A manager, on the other hand, can invest one hour of effort and produce 10 or 50 or 100 units
through effective delegation
...

Gofer Delegation
There are basically two kinds of delegation: "gofer delegation" and "stewardship delegation
...
" Most people
who are producers have a gofer delegation paradigm
...
They roll up their sleeves and get the job done
...
They don't know how to set up a full
delegation so that another person is committed to achieve results
...

I was involved in a gofer delegation once when our family went water skiing
...
I handed the camera to
Sandra and asked her to take some pictures
...
Then I
realized she was unfamiliar with the camera, so I became a little more specific
...

But the more I thought about our limited footage and her inexperience with the camera, the more
concerned I became
...
Okay? And
I spent the next few minutes yelling, "Take it! -- Take it! -- Don't take it! -- Don't take it!" I was afraid
that if I didn't direct her every move every second, it wouldn't be done right
...
Many people consistently
delegate that way
...
And it's based on a
paradigm of appreciation of the self-awareness, the imagination, the conscience, and the free will of
other people
...
It gives people a choice of
method and makes them responsible for results
...
You can move the fulcrum over, you can increase your leverage, through stewardship
delegation
...

Desired Results: Create a clear, mutual understanding of what needs to be accomplished, focusing
on what, not how; results, not methods
...
Be patient
...

Have the person see it, describe it, make out a quality statement of what the results will look like, and
by when they will be accomplished
...
These should be
as few as possible to avoid methods delegation, but should include any formidable restrictions
...
That kills initiative and sends people
back to the gofer's creed: "Just tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it
...
Be honest and open -- tell a person where
the quicksand is and where the wild animals are
...
Let people learn from your mistakes or the mistakes of others
...
Keep the responsibility for results with them -to do whatever is necessary within the guidelines
...

Accountability: Set up the standards of performance that will be used in evaluating the results and
the specific times when reporting and evaluation will take place
...
This
could include such things as financial rewards, psychic rewards, different job assignments, and natural
consequences tied into the overall mission of an organization
...
We were
having a family meeting, and we had our mission statement up on the wall to make sure our plans
were in harmony with our values
...

I set up a big blackboard and we wrote down our goals -- the key things we wanted to do -- and the
jobs that flowed out of those goals
...

"Who wants to pay the mortgage?" I asked
...

"Who wants to pay for the insurance? The food? The cars?" I seemed to have a real monopoly on
the opportunities
...

As we went down the list, job by job, it was soon evident that Mom and Dad had more than
sixty-hour work weeks
...

My seven-year-old son, Stephen, volunteered to take care of the yard
...
I wanted him to have a clear picture in his mind of what a
well-cared-for yard was like, so I took him next door to our neighbor's
...
"See how our neighbor's yard is green and clean? That's what we're after: green
and clean
...
See the mixed colors? That's not it; that's not green
...
Now how you get it green is up to you
...
But I'll tell you how I'd do it if it were up to me
...
But you may want to use buckets or a hose
...
All we care about is that the color is green
...
"
"Now let's talk about 'clean,' Son
...
I'll tell you what let's do
...
"
So we got out two paper sacks and picked up one side of the yard
...
Look
at the other side
...
"
"Wait!" he called
...
You have good eyes, Son
...
Because when you take the job, I don't do it anymore
...
It's called a stewardship
...
' I trust you to do the job, to get it done
...
You're the boss
...
How do you like Mom and Dad nagging you
all the time?"
"I don't
...
It sometimes causes a bad feeling doesn't it? So you boss yourself
...
"
"Who?"
"I am," I said
...
"
"I do?"
"That's right
...
Sometimes I'm away
...
I'll do anything you want me to do
...
"

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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"Who?"
"You judge yourself
...
Twice a week the two of us will walk around the yard and you can show me how it's
coming
...
"
"Right!"
I trained him with those two words for two weeks before I felt he was ready to take the job
...

"Is it a deal, Son?"
"It's a deal
...
"
"What's green?"
He looked at our yard, which was beginning to look better
...
"That's
the color of his yard
...
"
"Who's the boss?"
"I am
...
"
"Who's the judge?"
"I am
...
"
"And what will we look for?"
"Green and clean
...
But I wouldn't hesitate to attach an allowance to such a
stewardship
...
I thought he was ready
...
And he did nothing
...
nothing
...
nothing
...
"Surely he'll do it today," I thought
...
I could rationalize Sunday; Sunday was for other things
...
And now it was Tuesday
...
It was
summertime
...
As I rounded the corner, I was
met with the same picture I left that morning
...

This was not acceptable
...
We had a lot of effort, pride, and money invested in the yard and
I could see it going down the drain
...

I was ready to go back to gofer delegation
...
But what about the goose? What would
happen to his internal commitment?
So I faked a smile and yelled across the street, "Hi, Son
...

"How's the yard coming?" I knew the minute I said it I had broken our agreement
...
That's not what we had agreed
...
That's not the
way we had set up an accounting
...

So he felt justified in breaking it, too
...
"
I bit my tongue and waited until after dinner
...
Let's walk
around the yard together and you can show me how it's going in your stewardship
...
Tears welled up in his eyes and, by the time
we got out to the middle of the yard, he was whimpering
...
You haven't done a single thing! But I knew what was
hard -- self management, self-supervision
...
"
"I have time
...
He handed me one
...
"It makes me sick!"
So I did
...
And that was when he signed the agreement in
his heart
...

He only asked for help two or three more times that entire summer
...
He
kept it greener and cleaner than it had ever been under my stewardship
...

Trust is the highest form of human motivation
...
But it takes
time and patience, and it doesn't preclude the necessity to train and develop people so that their
competency can rise to the level of that trust
...
I believe that a family that is well
organized, whose time has been spent effectively delegating on a one-to-one basis, can organize the
work so that everyone can do everything in about an hour a day
...
The focus is on effectiveness, not efficiency
...
It takes time
...
It takes time,
but how valuable that time is downstream! It saves you so much in the long run
...
In effect, it changes the nature of
the relationship: The steward becomes his own boss, governed by a conscience that contains the
commitment to agreed upon desired results
...

The principles involved in stewardship delegation are correct and applicable to any kind of person
or situation
...
With more mature people, you have more challenging desired results, fewer guidelines,
less frequent accountability, and less measurable but more discernible criteria
...

The Quadrant II Paradigm
The key to effective management of self, or of others through delegation, is not in any technique or

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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tool or extrinsic factor
...

I have included in the Appendix an exercise called "A Quadrant II Day at the Office" which will
enable you to see in a business setting how powerfully this paradigm can impact your effectiveness
...
You will not be
dependent on any other person or thing for the effective management of your life
...
Every one deals with fundamentally
important things that, if done on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in our
lives
...
Identify a Quadrant II activity you know has been neglected in your life -- one that, if done well,
would have a significant impact in your life, either personally or professionally
...

2
...
Then log your time for three days in 15-minute intervals
...

3
...
Determine what is needed to start the process of delegation or
training
...
Organize your next week
...
At the end of the week, evaluate how well your plan
translated your deep values and purposes into your daily life and the degree of integrity you were able
to maintain to those values and purposes
...
Commit yourself to start organizing on a weekly basis and set up a regular time to do it
...
Either convert your current planning tool into a fourth generation tool or secure such a tool
...
Go through "A Quadrant II Day at the Office" (Appendix B) for a more in-depth understanding
of the impact of a Quadrant II paradigm
...
Private Victory precedes Public Victory
...

As we look back and survey the terrain to determine where we've been and where we are in
relationship to where we're going, we clearly see that we could not have gotten where we are without
coming the way we came
...
There's no way to
parachute into this terrain
...
They've tried to jump into effective relationships without the maturity, the
strength of character, to maintain them
...
You can't be successful with other
people if you haven't paid the price of success with yourself
...
" He had my attention
...
"Look at this beautiful coastline and the sea out there
and all that's happening
...

"She gives me the third degree every time I'm away
...
She just nags me and questions everything I do whenever I'm away
...
I really don't enjoy it at all
...
We talked for a while, and then he made a very interesting comment
...
"It was at a seminar like this
that I met her when I was married to someone else!"
I considered the implications of his comment and then said, "You're kind of into 'quick fix,' aren't
you?"
"What do you mean?" he replied
...
"I don't think it's right for her to constantly grill me like
she does
...
"
We're dealing with a very dramatic and very fundamental Paradigm Shift here
...
You can't have the fruits without the roots
...
Self-mastery and self-discipline are the
foundation of good relationships with others
...
I think that idea has
merit, but if you don't know yourself, if you don't control yourself, if you don't have mastery over
yourself, it's very hard to like yourself, except in some short-term, psych-up, superficial way
...
And that's the focus of
Habits 1, 2, and 3
...
Interdependence is a choice only independent
people can make
...
We might try
...
But when the difficult times come -- and they will -- we won't have the foundation to keep
things together
...
And if our words and our actions come from superficial human-relations techniques (the
personality ethic) rather than from our own inner core (the character ethic), others will sense that
duplicity
...

The techniques and skills that really make a difference in human interaction are the ones that almost
naturally flow from a truly independent character
...
As we become independent -proactive, centered in correct principles, value driven and able to organize and execute around the
priorities in our life with integrity -- we then can choose to become interdependent -- capable of
building rich, enduring, highly productive relationships with other people
...

Interdependence opens up worlds of possibilities for deep, rich, meaningful associations, for
geometrically increased productivity, for serving, for contributing, for learning, for growing
...
And we're very aware of that pain because it is acute
...
We feel vaguely uneasy and uncomfortable and occasionally take steps to ease the
pain, at least for a time
...

But when we have problems in our interactions with other people, we're very aware of acute pain -it's often intense, and we want it to go away
...
We don't understand that the acute pain is an outgrowth of the deeper, chronic
problem
...
We will only be successful at obscuring the chronic pain even
more
...
We've said it's the P/PC Balance, the fundamental concept in the story of the Goose and
the Golden Egg
...
And to get those eggs on
a regular basis, we need to take care of the goose
...

So before we descend from our point of reconnaissance and get into Habits 4, 5, and 6, I would like
to introduce what I believe to be a very powerful metaphor in describing relationships and in defining
the P/PC Balance in an interdependent reality
...
We make deposits into it and build up a reserve
from which we can make withdrawals when we need to
...
It's the feeling of safeness you
have with another human being
...
Your trust toward me becomes higher, and
I can call upon that trust many times if I need to
...
My communication may not be clear, but you'll get my
meaning anyway
...
" When the trust account is high,
communication is easy, instant, and effective
...
The trust level gets very low
...
I'm walking on mine fields
...
I measure every
word
...
It's protecting my backside, politicking
...
Many families are filled with it
...

If a large reserve of trust is not sustained by continuing deposits, a marriage will deteriorate
...
The relationship may further deteriorate to one of hostility and defensiveness
...
It may end up in a cold war at home, sustained only by children, sex, and social pressure,
or image protection
...

And this is in the most intimate, the most potentially rich, joyful, satisfying and productive
relationship possible between two people on this earth
...

Our most constant relationships, like marriage, require our most constant deposits
...
If you suddenly run into an old high school friend
you haven't seen for years, you can pick up right where you left off because the earlier deposits are still
there
...
There are sometimes automatic withdrawals in your daily interactions or in their
perception of you that you don't even know about
...

Suppose you have a teenage son and your normal conversation is something like, "Clean your room
...
Turn down the radio
...
And don't forget to take out the
garbage!" Over a period of time, the withdrawals far exceed the deposits
...
But the trust level is so low and the communication process so closed, mechanical, and
unsatisfying that he simply will not be open to your counsel
...

You need a positive balance to communicate on these tender issues
...
Perhaps you could invite him
to go to a movie with you or take him out for some ice cream
...
Just listen and seek to understand
...

He may not respond at first
...
"What's Dad up to now? What
technique is Mom trying on me this time?" But as those genuine deposits keep coming, they begin to
add up
...

Remember that quick fix is a mirage
...
If you
become impatient with this apparent lack of response of his seeming ingratitude, you may make huge
withdrawals and undo all the good you've done
...
I can't believe it!
It's hard not to get impatient
...
"
But there really is no quick fix
...

Six Major Deposits
Let me suggest six major deposits that build the Emotional Bank Account
Understanding the Individual
Really seeking to understand another person is probably one of the most important deposits you can
make, and it is the key to every other deposit
...
What might be a deposit for you -- going for a
walk to talk things over, going out for ice cream together, working on a common project -- might not be
perceived by someone else as a deposit at all
...

One person's mission is another person's minutia
...
You may be working on a high
priority project when your six-year-old child interrupts with something that seems trivial to you, but it
may be very important from his point of view
...
By
accepting the value he places on what he has to say, you show an understanding of him that makes a
great deposit
...
My friend wasn't interested in
baseball at all
...
The
trip took over six weeks and cost a great deal of money, but it became a powerful bonding experience in
their relationship
...
"
I have another friend, a college professor, who had a terrible relationship with his teenage son
...
As a result, he was almost
constantly on the boy's back, and, in moments of regret, he would try to make deposits that just didn't
work
...
The relationship was turning sour, and it was breaking the father's
heart
...
He took it deeply to heart
...
It was a consuming project, and they
worked side by side on it for over a year and a half
...
But the real benefit was what happened to the relationship
...

Our tendency is to project out of our own autobiographies what we think other people want or need
...
We interpret what constitutes a deposit based on
our own needs and desires, either now or when we were at a similar age or stage in life
...

The Golden Rule says to "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
...
As one successful parent said
about raising children, "Treat them all the same by treating them differently
...
Small discourtesies, little unkindnesses, little
forms of disrespect make large withdrawals
...

I remember an evening I spent with two of my sons some years ago
...

In the middle of the movie, Sean, who was then four years old, fell asleep in his seat
...
When it
was over, I picked Sean up in my arms, carried him out to the car and laid him in the back seat
...

When we arrived home, I quickly carried Sean in and tucked him into bed
...

"How'd you like it, Stephen?"
"Fine," he answere"
"Did you have fun?"
"Yes
...
The trampoline, I guess
...
I found myself making conversation
...
He usually did when exciting things happened
...
I sensed something was wrong; he had been so quiet on the way home and getting
ready for bed
...
I wondered why and lifted myself up
just enough to see his eyes welling up with tears
...

What a powerful, personal lesson that experience was to me then and is even now
...
I don't believe age or experience makes much difference
...

Keeping Commitments
Keeping a commitment or a promise is a major deposit; breaking one is a major withdrawal
...
The next time a promise is made, they won't believe it
...

I've tried to adopt a philosophy as a parent never to make a promise I don't keep
...

Occasionally, despite all my effort, the unexpected does come up, creating a situation where it
would be unwise or impossible to keep a promise I've made
...
I either keep it
anyway, or explain the situation thoroughly to the person involved and ask to be released from the
promise
...
Then, when your child
wants to do something you don't want him to do, and out of your maturity you can see consequences
that the child cannot see, you can say, "Son, if you do this, I promise you that this will be the result
...

Clarifying Expectations
Imagine the difficulty you might encounter if you and your boss had different assumptions
regarding whose role it was to create your job description
...

"I've been waiting for you to bring one to me so that we could discuss it," your boss might reply
...
"
"That's not my role at all
...
"
"I thought you meant that the quality of my job depended on me
...
"
"I did exactly what you asked me to do and here is the report
...
The goals was to solve the problem -- not to analyze it and report on it
...
"
How many times have we had these kinds of conversations?
"You said
...
"
"You did not! You never said I was supposed to
...
"
"You never even mentioned
...
"
The cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous expectations
around roles and goals
...

Many expectations are implicit
...
In marriage, for example, a man and a woman have
implicit expectations of each other in their marriage roles
...

That's why it's so important whenever you come into a new situation to get all the expectations out
on the table
...
And if they feel like
their basic expectations have been violated, the reserve of trust is diminished
...

The deposit is to make the expectations clear and explicit in the beginning
...

When expectations are not clear and shared, people begin to become emotionally involved and simple
misunderstandings become compounded, turning into personality clashes and communication
breakdowns
...
It seems easier to act as though
differences don't exist and to hope things will work out than it is to face the differences and work
together to arrive at a mutually agreeable set of expectations
...

Lack of integrity can undermine almost any other effort to create high trust accounts
...

Integrity includes but goes beyond honesty
...
Integrity is conforming reality to our words -- in other words,
keeping promises and fulfilling expectations
...

One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present
...
When you defend those who are absent, you
retain the trust of those present
...
Now what will happen when you and I have a falling out? You
know I'm going to be discussing your weaknesses with someone else
...
You know my nature
...
You've seen me do it
...
Does that build a reserve of trust in my account with you
...
Then what would you know I
would do if someone were to criticize you to me behind your back?
For another example, suppose in my effort to build a relationship with you, I told you something
someone else had shared with me in confidence
...
" Would my betraying another person build my trust account with you? Or
would you wonder if the things you had told me in confidence were being shared with others?

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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Such duplicity might appear to be making a deposit with the person you're with, but it is actually a
withdrawal because you communicate your own lack of integrity
...

Integrity in an interdependent reality is simply this: you treat everyone by the same set of principles
...
They may not at first appreciate the honest confrontational
experiences such integrity might generate
...
But in the long run, people
will trust and respect you if you are honest and open and kind with them
...
And to be trusted, it is said, is greater than to be loved
...

When my son Joshua was quite young, he would frequently ask me a soul-searching question
...

As a teacher, as well as a parent, I have found that the key to the ninety-nine is the one -- particularly
the one that is testing the patience and the good humor of the many
...
It's how you treat the one that
reveals how you regard the ninety-nine, because everyone is ultimately a one
...
"A lie is any communication with intent to deceive," according to one definition of
the word
...

Apologizing Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal
When we make withdrawals from the Emotional Bank Account, we need to apologize and we need
to do it sincerely
...
"
"That was unkind of me
...
"
"I gave you no dignity, and I'm deeply sorry
...
Even though I wanted to
make a point, I never should have done it
...
"
It takes a great deal of character strength to apologize quickly out of one's heart rather than out of
pity
...

People with little internal security can't do it
...
They feel it makes
them appear soft and weak, and they fear that others will take advantage of their weakness
...
In
addition, they usually feel justified in what they did
...

"If you're going to bow, bow low," say Eastern wisdom
...
To be a deposit, an apology must be sincere
...

Leo Roskin taught, "It is the weak who are cruel
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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I was in my office at home one afternoon writing, of all things, on the subject of patience
...

Suddenly, my son David started pounding on the bathroom door, yelling at the top of his lungs, "Let
me in! Let me in!"
I rushed out of the office and spoke to him with great intensity
...
" So in he went, dejected, and
shut the door
...
The boys had been playing tackle football
in the four-foot-wide hallway, and one of them had been elbowed in the mouth
...
David, I discovered, had gone to the bathroom to get a wet towel
for him
...

When I realized that I had completely misinterpreted the situation and had overreacted, I
immediately went in to apologize to David
...
"
"Well, why not, honey?" I replied
...

Why won't you forgive me?"
"Because you did the same thing last week," he replied
...
"Dad,
you're overdrawn, and you're not going to talk your way out of a problem you behaved yourself into
...

And the quality of the relationship reflects it
...
People will forgive
mistakes, because mistakes are usually of the mind, mistakes of judgment
...

The Laws of Love and the Laws of Life
When we make deposits of unconditional love, when we live the primary laws of love, we
encourage others to live the primary laws of life
...
Their natural growth process is encouraged
...
We give them the freedom to act on their
own inner imperatives rather than react to our conditions and limitations
...
That itself is a massive withdrawal
...
But we love, regardless
...
We put them in a reactive, defensive
position where they feel they have to prove "I matter as a person, independent of you
...
They are counter-dependent, which is another form of
dependency and is at the lowest end of the Maturity Continuum
...

Rebellion is a knot of the heart, not of the mind
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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I once had a friend who was dean of a very prestigious school
...

This deeply concerned his father
...
Besides, it was a family tradition
...

The father pleaded and urged and talked
...

The subtle message being communicated was one of conditional love
...
Consequently, he fought for and with his own identity and
integrity, and he increased his resolve and his efforts to rationalize his decision not to go
...
He knew that his son might choose differently than he had wished; nevertheless, he and his wife
resolved to love their son unconditionally, regardless of his choice
...

The father and mother went through a very difficult rescripting process, struggling to really
understand the nature of unconditional love
...
They didn't do this
to manipulate him, to try to get him to "shape up
...

The boy didn't give much of a response at the time, but his parents had such a paradigm of
unconditional love at that point that it would have made no difference in their feelings for him
...
They were perfectly prepared for his
response and continued to show unconditional love for him
...

A short time later, an interesting thing happened
...
He applied for admission, and then he told his father, who again showed
unconditional love by fully accepting his son's decision
...

Dag Hammarskjold, past Secretary-General of the United Nations, once made a profound,
far-reaching statement: "It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor
diligently for the salvation of the masses
...
And
it would take more nobility of character -- more humility, courage, and strength -- to rebuild that one
relationship than it would to continue putting in all those hours for all those people and causes
...
Many of the problems in organizations stem from relationship difficulties at
the very top -- between two partners in a company, between the president and an executive
vice-president
...
"
When I first came across Hammarskjold's statement, I was working in an organization where there
were unclear expectations between the individual who was my right-hand man and myself
...
So I worked for a number of months in a compromise
mode to avoid what might turn out to be an ugly confrontation
...

After reading that it is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor
diligently for the salvation of the masses, I was deeply affected by the idea of rebuilding that
relationship
...
I remember actually shaking in
anticipation of the visit
...
I was afraid a confrontation might jeopardize the
relationship and result in my losing those strengths
...
At last I felt
peace of mind and the courage to have the communication
...
He was anything but hard and
defensive
...
We both acknowledged the problems that our disunity had created
...
We were able to develop a powerful
complementary team and a deep personal affection which added tremendously to our ability to work
effectively together
...
No amount of technical administrative skill in laboring for the masses
can make up for lack of nobility of personal character in developing relationships
...

P Problems are PC Opportunities
This experience also taught me another powerful paradigm of interdependence
...
I had lived for months trying to avoid the problem, seeing it as a
source of irritation, a stumbling block, and wishing it would somehow go away
...

I suggest that in an interdependent situation, every P problem is a PC opportunity -- a chance to
build the Emotional Bank Accounts that significantly affect interdependent production
...
Parents
become more willing, even excited, about deeply understanding and helping their children
...
" Many interactions change from transactional to transformational, and strong bonds of
love and trust are created as children sense the value parents give to their problems and to them as
individuals
...
One department store chain that operates from this
paradigm has created a great loyalty among its customers
...
They respond with a cheerful, positive desire to solve the problem in a
way that will make the customer happy
...

By recognizing that the P/PC Balance is necessary to effectiveness in an interdependent reality, we
can value our problems as opportunities to increase PC
...
As we do, we can see how these habits work
together to create effective interdependence
...

In addition, we can see on an even deeper level that effective interdependence can only be achieved
by truly independent people
...

Let's now focus on each of the Public Victory habits in depth
...

-- Edwin Markha
*
*
One time I was asked to work with a company whose president was very concerned about the lack
of cooperation among his people
...
"They just won't cooperate
...
Can you help us develop a human-relations
program that will solve the problem?"
"Is your problem the people or the paradigm?" I asked
...

So I did
...
I could see that overdrawn Emotional Bank Accounts had
created a culture of low trust
...

"Let's look at it deeper," I suggested
...
"The rewards are much greater if they do
cooperate
...
Behind a curtain on one wall of this man's office was a chart
...
Superimposed on the face of each horse was the
face of one of his managers
...

Once a week, this man would bring all his people into this office and talk cooperation
...
We'll all make more money if we do
...
"Now which of you is going to win the trip to Bermuda?"
It was like telling one flower to grow and watering another, like saying "firings will continue until
morale improves
...
He wanted his people to work together, to share ideas, to

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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all benefit from the effort
...
One
manager's success meant failure for the other managers
As with many, many problems between people in business, family, and other relationships, the
problem in this company was the result of a flawed paradigm
...
And when it didn't work, he wanted a
technique, a program, a quick-fix antidote to make his people cooperate
...
Working on the attitudes and behaviors
would have been hacking at the leaves
...

Whether you are the president of a company or the janitor, the moment you step from independence
into interdependence in any capacity, you step into a leadership role
...
And the habit of effective interpersonal leadership is Think Win-Win
...
In fact, it is one of six
paradigms of interaction
...

Win-win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying
...

Win-win sees life as a cooperative, not a competitive arena
...
But that kind of thinking if
fundamentally flawed
...
Win-win is based
on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person's success is not achieved at the
expense or exclusion of the success of others
...
It's not your way or my way; it's a better way, a higher
way
...
It says "If I win, you
lose
...
"
Win-lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get their
way
...
First and most
important of the powerful forces at work is the family
...
Whenever love is given on a conditional basis, when someone has to earn
love, what's being communicated to them is that they are not intrinsically valuable or lovable
...
It's in comparison with somebody else or against some
expectation
...

"If I'm better than my brother, my parents will love me more
...
I must not be as valuable
...
A child first wants acceptance from his
parents and then from his peers, whether they be siblings or friends
...
They often accept or reject totally on the basis of conformity to their
expectations and norms, providing additional scripting toward win-lose
...
The "normal distribution curve" basically says
that you got an "A" because someone else got a "C
...
No recognition is given to intrinsic value; everyone is extrinsically
defined
...
You ought to be really proud of your daughter,
Caroline
...
"
"That makes me feel good
...
He's in the lower quartile
...
But people are not graded against their
potential or against the full use of their present capacity
...

And grades are carriers of social value; they open doors of opportunity or they close them
...
Cooperation, in fact, is
usually associated with cheating
...
Often they develop the basic paradigm that life is a big game, a zero sum game where
some win and some lose
...

Another agent is law
...
The first thing many people think about when
they get into trouble is suing someone, taking him to court, "winning" at someone else's expense
...

Certainly we need law or else society will deteriorate
...
At best it results in compromise
...
The recent trend
of encouraging lawyers and law schools to focus on peaceable negotiation, the techniques of win-win,
and the use of private courts, may not provide the ultimate solution, but it does reflect a growing
awareness of the problem
...
But
most of life is not a competition
...
"Who's winning in your marriage?" is a
ridiculous question
...

Most of life is an interdependent, not an independent, reality
...
And the win-lose mentality is dysfunctional to that cooperation
...

"I lose, you win
...
Have your way with me
...
Everyone does
...
I've always been a loser
...
I'll do anything to keep peace
...
People who think lose-win are usually quick to please or appease
...
They have little courage to express their own feelings and convictions and
are easily intimidated by the ego strength of others
...
In leadership style, it's
permissiveness or indulgence
...

Win-lose people love lose-win people because they can feed on them
...
Such weaknesses complement their strengths
...
And unexpressed feelings never die;
they're buried alive and come forth in uglier ways
...
Disproportionate rage
or anger, overreaction to minor provocation, and cynicism are other embodiments of suppressed
emotion
...

Both win-lose and lose-win are weak positions, based in personal insecurities
...
Lose-win is weak and chaotic from the outset
...
When they can't stand confusion and lack of structure,
direction, expectation, and discipline any longer, they swing back to win-lose -- until guilt undermines
their resolve and drives them back to lose-win -- until anger and frustration drive them back to win-lose
again
...
Both will lose
...

I know of a divorce in which the husband was directed by the judge to sell the assets and turn over
half the proceeds to his ex-wife
...
When the wife protested, the court clerk checked on the situation and discovered that the
husband was proceeding in the same manner systematically through all of the assets
...
Lose-lose is the philosophy of adversarial conflict, the philosophy of war
...
"If nobody ever wins, perhaps being a loser isn't so
bad
...
People with the win mentality don't
necessarily want someone else to lose
...
What matters is that they get what they

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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want
...
A person with the win mentality thinks in terms of securing his own ends -and leaving it to others to secure theirs
...
" If you win a football game, that means the
other team loses
...
However, you would not want to set up a win-lose situation like the
"Race to Bermuda" contest within a company or in a situation where you need cooperation among
people or groups of people to achieve maximum success
...
"What I want isn't as important to me as
my relationship with you
...
" You might also go for lose-win if you feel
the expense of time and effort to achieve a win of any kind would violate other higher values
...

There are circumstances in which you would want to win, and you wouldn't be highly concerned
with the relationship of that win to others
...
But saving that life would be
supremely important
...
The challenge is to read that reality accurately and not to
translate win-lose or other scripting into every situation
...

Win-lose is not viable because, although I appear to win in a confrontation with you, your feelings,
your attitudes toward me and our relationship have been affected
...
But will
you come to me again? My short-term win will really be a long-term lose if I don't get your repeat
business
...

If we come up with a lose-win, you may appear to get what you want for the moment
...
I may carry battle scars with me into any future negotiations
...
So we're into
lose-lose again
...

And if I focus on my own win and don't even consider your point of view, there's no basis for any
kind of productive relationship
...
That's why win-win is the only real
alternative in interdependent realities
...
The tough, realistic business world isn't like that
...
"
"All right," I said, "try going for win-lose with your customers
...

"Why not?"

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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"I'd lose my customers
...
Is that realistic?"
"No
...
"
As we considered the various alternatives, win-win appeared to be the only truly realistic approach
...
"
"You are the customer of the supplier," I said
...

"We went in with a win-win attitude
...
But they saw that
position as being soft and weak, and they took us to the cleaners
...

"We didn't
...
"
"I thought you said they took you to the cleaners
...
"
"In other words, you lost
...
"
"And they won
...
"
"So what's that called?"
When he realized that what he had called win-win was really lose-win, he was shocked
...

If this man had had a real win-win attitude, he would have stayed longer in the communication
process, listened to the mall owner more, then expressed his point of view with more courage
...
And that solution, that Third Alternative, would have been synergistic -- probably something
neither of them had thought of on his own
...

No deal basically means that if we can't find a solution that would benefit us both, we agree to
disagree agreeably -- no deal
...
I don't hire you or we don't take on a particular assignment together because it's obvious
that our values or our goals are going in opposite directions
...

When you have no deal as an option in your mind, you feel liberated because you have no need to
manipulate people, to push your own agenda, to drive for what you want
...
You can
really try to understand the deeper issues underlying the positions
...
I want to win, and
I want you to win
...
On the other hand, I don't think
you would feel good if you got your way and I gave in
...
Let's really
hammer it out
...
It would be
better not to deal than to live with a decision that wasn't right for us both
...
"

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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Some time after learning the concept of Win-Win or No Deal, the president of a small computer
software company shared with me the following experience:
"We had developed new software which we sold on a five-year contract to a particular bank
...

"About a month later, that bank changed presidents
...
I have a mess on my hands
...
'
"My own company was in deep financial trouble
...
But I had become convinced of the value of the principle of win-win
...
Your bank has secured our products and our services to convert
you to this program
...
So what we'd like to do is
give you back the contract, give you back your deposit, and if you are ever looking for a software
solution in the future, come back and see us
...
It was close to financial suicide
...

"Three months later, the new president called me
...
' He signed a contract for $240,000
...
The cost of the impact needs to be carefully considered
...

Win-Win or No Deal provides tremendous emotional freedom in the family relationship
...

I have a friend whose family has been involved in singing together for several years
...

As the children grew older, their taste in music began to change and they wanted to have more say
in what they performed and what they wore
...

Because she had years of experience in performing herself and felt closer to the needs of the older
people at the rest homes where they planned to perform, she didn't feel that many of the ideas they
were suggesting would be appropriate
...

So she set up a Win-Win or No Deal
...
As a result,
everyone felt free to express his or her feelings and ideas as they worked to set up a Win-Win
Agreement, knowing that whether or not they could agree, there would be no emotional strings
...
In a continuing business relationship, no deal may not be a viable option, which can create
serious problems, especially for family businesses or businesses that are begun initially on the basis of
friendship
...
This creates serious problems
for the people and for the business, particularly if the competition operates on win-win and synergy
...
Experience shows that it is often better in setting up a family business or a
business between friends to acknowledge the possibility of no deal downstream and to establish some
kind of buy/sell agreement so that the business can prosper without permanently damaging the
relationship
...
I wouldn't abandon my child or
my spouse and go for no deal (it would be better, if necessary, to go for compromise -- a low form of
win-win)
...
And the freedom in the attitude is incredible
...
It involves the exercise of each of the
unique human endowments -- self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and independent will -- in our
relationships with others
...

It takes great courage as well as consideration to create these mutual benefits, particularly if we're
interacting with others who are deeply scripted in win-los
...
Effective interpersonal
leadership requires the vision, the proactive initiative, and the security, guidance, wisdom, and power
that come from principle-centered personal leadership
...
It begins with character and moves toward relationships, out of
which flow agreements
...
And it involves process; we cannot achieve win-win ends with win-lose or lose-win means
...

Now let's consider each of the five dimensions in turn
...
There are
three character traits essential to the win-win paradigm
...
We've already defined integrity as the value we place on ourselves
...
As we clearly identify our values and proactively organize
and execute around those values on a daily basis, we develop self-awareness and independent will by
making and keeping meaningful promises and commitments
...
And if we can't make and
keep commitments to ourselves as well as to others, our commitments become meaningless
...
They sense duplicity and become guarded
...
Integrity is the cornerstone in the foundation
...
Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration
...

If you examine many of the psychological tests used for hiring, promoting, and training purposes,
you will find that they are designed to evaluate this kind of maturity
...
1, 1
...
5, 9
...

Respect for this quality is deeply ingrained in the theory of human interaction, management, and
leadership
...
While courage may focus on getting the
golden egg, consideration deals with the long-term welfare of the other stakeholders
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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Many people think in dichotomies, in either/or terms
...

But win-win is nice
...
It's twice as tough as win-lose
...
You not only have to be empathic, you have to be confident
...
To do that, to achieve that
balance between courage and consideration, is the essence of real maturity and is fundamental to
win-win
...
I'll be strong and
ego bound
...

To compensate for my lack of internal maturity and emotional strength, I might borrow strength
from my position and power, or from my credentials, my seniority, my affiliation
...
I'll be so considerate of your
convictions and desires that I won't have the courage to express and actualize my own
...
It is the balance that is the mark of
real maturity
...

ABUNDANCE MENTALITY TM
...

Most people are deeply scripted in what I call the Scarcity Mentality
...
And if someone were to get a big piece of the
pie, it would mean less for everybody else
...

People with a Scarcity Mentality have a very difficult time sharing recognition and credit, power or
profit -- even with those who help in the production
...
It's almost as if something is being taken from them when someone
else receives special recognition or windfall gain or has remarkable success or achievement
...
Their sense of worth comes from being compared, and someone else's success, to some
degree, means their failure
...
" To "win" simply means to "beat
...
" They're
always comparing, always competing
...

They want other people to be the way they want them to be
...

It's difficult for people with a Scarcity Mentality to be members of a complementary team
...

The Abundance Mentality, on the other hand, flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and
security
...
It
results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making
...

The Abundance Mentality takes the personal joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment of Habits 1, 2, and 3
and turns it outward, appreciating the uniqueness, the inner direction, the proactive nature of others
...

Public Victory does not mean victory over other people
...
Public Victory means working together,

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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communicating together, making things happen together that even the same people couldn't make
happen by working independently
...

A character rich in integrity, maturity, and the Abundance Mentality has a genuineness that goes far
beyond technique, or lack of it, in human interaction
...
When people are deeply scripted
in win-lose or other philosophies and regularly associate with others who are likewise scripted, they
don't have much opportunity to see and experience the win-win philosophy in action
...

But remember: If we search deeply enough within ourselves -- beyond the scripting, beyond the
learned attitudes and behaviors -- the real validation of win-win, as well as every other correct principle,
is in our own lives
...
The trust, the
Emotional Bank Account, is the essence of win-win
...

But if our Emotional Bank Account is high, credibility is no longer an issue
...
We're focused on the
issues, not on personalities or positions
...
We put our cards on the table
...
We're both
committed to try to understand each other's point of view deeply and to work together for the Third
Alternative, the synergistic solution, that will be a better answer for both of us
...
That relationship neither makes the issues
any less real or important, nor eliminates the differences in perspective
...

But what if that kind of relationship isn't there? What if you have to work out an agreement with
someone who hasn't even heard of win-win and is deeply scripted in win-lose or some other
philosophy?
Dealing with win-lose is the real test of win-win
...
Deep issues and fundamental differences have to be dealt with
...

When you're dealing with a person who is coming from a paradigm of win-lose, the relationship is
still the key
...
You make deposits into the Emotional
Bank Account through genuine courtesy, respect, and appreciation for that person and for the other
point of view
...
You listen more, you listen in greater
depth
...
You aren't reactive
...
You keep hammering it out until the other person

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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begins to realize that you genuinely want the resolution to be a real win for both of you
...

And the stronger you are -- the more genuine your character, the higher your level of proactivity,
the more committed you really are to win-win -- the more powerful your influence will be with that
other person
...
It goes beyond transactional leadership
into transformational leadership, transforming the individuals involved as well as the relationship
...

But there will be a few who are so deeply embedded in the win-lose mentality that they just won't
Think Win-Win
...
Or you may occasionally choose to
go for the low form of win-win -- compromise
...
Again, the key is the relationship
...
I don't have time to
explain it to you, let alone get you involved
...
But
will you support it?"
If you had a positive Emotional Bank Account with me, of course I'd support it
...
I'd work to make your decision work
...

I might say I would to your face, but behind your back I wouldn't be very enthusiastic
...
"It didn't work," I'd say
...
Or I might become "maliciously obedient" and do exactly and only what you tell me to do,
accepting no responsibility for results
...

An agreement means very little in letter without the character and relationship base to sustain it in
spirit
...

Agreements
From relationships flow the agreements that give definition and direction to win-win
...

Win-Win Agreements cover a wide scope of interdependent interaction
...
The
same five elements we listed there provide the structure for Win-Win Agreements between employers
and employees, between independent people working together on projects, between groups of people
cooperatively focused on a common objective, between companies and suppliers -- between any people
who need to interact to accomplish
...
interdependent endeavor
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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Guidelines specify the parameters (principles, policies, etc
...

Accountability sets up the standards of performance and the time of evaluation
...

These five elements give Win-Win Agreements a life of their own
...

Traditional authoritarian supervision is a win-lose paradigm
...
If you don't have trust or common vision of desired results, you tend to
hover over, check up on, and direct
...

But if the trust account is high, what is your method? Get out of their way
...

It is much more ennobling to the human spirit to let people judge themselves than to judge them
...
In many cases people know in their hearts how
things are going much better than the records show
...

Win-Win Management Training
Several years ago, I was indirectly involved in a consulting project with a very large banking
institution that had scores of branches
...
The program involved
selecting college graduates and putting them through twelve two-week assignments in various
departments over a six-month period of time so that they could get a general sense of the industry
...
At the end of the six-month period, they were assigned as assistant
managers in the various branch banks
...
As we began, we discovered
that the most difficult part of the assignment was to get a clear picture of the desired results
...

The training program dealt with methods, not results; so we suggested that they set up a pilot
training program based on a different paradigm called "learner-controlled instruction
...
The consequences in this case were promotion to assistant
manager, where they would receive the on-the-job part of their training, and a significant increase in
salary
...
"What is it you want them to
understand about accounting? What about marketing? What about real estate loans?" And we
went down the list
...

The trainees were highly motivated by both the opportunity and the increased salary to meet the
criteria as soon as possible
...

So we explained the difference between learner-controlled instruction and system-controlled
instruction to the trainees
...
Here are the
resources, including learning from each other
...
As soon as you meet the criteria, you will
be promoted to assistant managers
...
Shifting the training paradigm had released
unbelievable motivation and creativity
As with many Paradigm Shifts, there was resistance
...
When they were shown the evidence that the criteria had been met, they basically
said, "These trainees don't have the experience
...
"
In talking with them later, we found that what many of them were really saying was, "We went
through goat week; how come these guys don't have to?" But of course they couldn't put it that way
...

In addition, for obvious reasons (including the $750,000 budget for a six-month program), the
personnel department was upset
...
Let's develop some more objectives and attach criteria to them
...
" We hammered out eight more
objectives with very tough criteria in order to give the executives the assurance that the people were
adequately prepared to be assistant branch managers and continue the on-the-job part of the training
program
...

We had prepared the trainees to expect resistance
...
They have assured us this time that if you meet these
criteria, they will make you assistant managers
...
They went to the executives in departments such as
accounting and basically said, "Sir, I am a member of this new pilot program called learner-controlled
instruction, and it is my understanding that you participated in developing the objectives and the
criteria
...
I was able to pass three of them off with
skills I gained in college; I was able to get another one out of a book; I learned the fifth one from Tom,
the fellow you trained last week
...
" So
they spent a half a day in a department instead of two weeks
...
The six-month program was reduced to five weeks, and
the results were significantly increased
...
I am always amazed at the results that
happen, both to individuals and to organizations, when responsible, proactive, self-directing
individuals are turned loose on a task
...
The focus is on results;
not methods
...
We use the gofer delegation discussed in Habit
3, the methods management I used with Sandra when I asked her to take pictures of our son as he was
waterskiing
...
The traditional evaluation games people
play are awkward and emotionally exhausting
...
And if you set it up correctly, people can do
that
...
"
My best experiences in teaching university classes have come when I have created a win-win shared
understanding of the goal up front
...
Here are the basic
requirements for an A, B, or C grade
...
Now you take
what we've talked about and analyze it and come up with your own understanding of what you want
to accomplish that is unique to you
...
"
Management philosopher and consultant Peter Drucker recommends the use of a "manager's letter"
to capture the essence of performance agreements between managers and their employees
...

Developing such a Win-Win Agreement is the central activity of management
...
The manager
then can serve like a pace car in a race
...
His job
from then on is to remove the oil spills
...
Entire levels of administrations and overhead are eliminated
...

In Win-Win Agreements, consequences become the natural or logical results of performance rather
than a reward or punishment arbitrarily handed out by the person in charge
...
Financial consequences include such
things as income, stock options, allowances, or penalties
...
Unless people are in a survival
mode, psychic compensation is often more motivating than financial compensation
...
Responsibility has to do with scope and
authority, either of which can be enlarged or diminished
...
So you don't play games
...

In addition to these logical, personal consequences, it is also important to clearly identify what the
natural organizational consequences are
...

When my daughter turned 16, we set up a Win-Win Agreement regarding use of the family car
...
We agreed that she would use the car only for responsible purposes and would serve as a
cab driver for her mother and me within reason
...
These were our wins
...
And we agreed
that she would meet weekly with me, usually on Sunday afternoon, to evaluate how she was doing
based on our agreement
...
As long as she kept her part of the agreement,
she could use the car
...

This Win-Win Agreement set up clear expectations from the beginning on both our parts
...
Now she could
handle her own transportation needs and even some of ours
...
And we had a built-in accountability, which meant I didn't
have to hover over her to manage her methods
...
We didn't have to
get emotionally strung out, trying to supervise her every move and coming up with punishments or
rewards on the spot if she didn't do things the way we thought she should
...

Win-Win Agreements are tremendously liberating
...
Even if you set them up in the beginning, there is no way to maintain them without
personal integrity and relationship of trust
...
In this context, it defines and directs the interdependent interaction of which it was
created
...
If you talk win-win but
reward win-lose, you've got a losing program on your hands
...
If you want to achieve the goals and reflect the values in your
mission statement, then you need to align the reward system with these goals and values
...
You'll be in the situation of the manager I
mentioned earlier who talked cooperation but practiced competition by creating a "Race to Bermuda"
contest
...
My first
experience with this organization was at a large sales rally where over 800 sales associates gathered for
the annual reward program
...

Out of the 800 people there, around 40 received awards for top performance, such as "Most Sales,"
"Greatest Volume," "Highest Earned Commissions," and "Most Listings
...
There was no doubt that
those 40 people had won; but there was also the underlying awareness that 760 people had lost
...
We involved people at a grass-roots
level to develop the kinds of systems that would motivate them
...

At the next rally one year later, there were over 1,000 sales associates present, and about 800 of them
received awards
...
There was no need to bring in the high school bands to artificially contrive the fanfare,
the cheerleading, and the psych up
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

The remarkable thing was that almost all of the 800 who received the awards that year had
produced as much per person in terms of volume and profit as the previous year's 40
...
The resulting synergy was astounding to almost everyone
involved
...

But cooperation in the workplace is as important to free enterprise as competition in the marketplace
...

For win-win to work, the systems have to support it
...

I did some consulting for another company that wanted training for their people in human relations
...

The president said, "Go into any store you want and see how they treat you
...
They don't understand how to get close to the customers
...
"
So I went to the various stores
...
But that still didn't answer the question in my
mind: What caused the attitude?
"Look, we're on top of the problem," the president said
...
We've told them their job is two-thirds selling and one-third management,
and they're outselling everybody
...

Those words raised a red flag
...

He didn't like that
...
But
I persisted, and within two days we uncovered the real problem
...
" They'd stand behind the cash register and
cream all the business during the slow times
...

So the managers would give all the dirty jobs -- inventory control, stock work, and cleaning -- to the
salespeople
...
That's why the department
heads were top in sales
...

We set up a system whereby the managers only made money when their salespeople made money
...
And
the need for human-relations training suddenly disappeared
...

In another instance, I worked with a manager in a company that required formal performance
evaluation
...
"He
deserved a three," he said, "but I had to give him a one" (which meant superior, promotable)
...

"He gets the numbers," was his reply
...
He neglects people; he runs over them
...
"
"It sounds like he's totally focused on P -- on production
...

But what would happen if you talked with him about the problem, if you helped him understand the
importance of PC?"
He said he had done so, with no effect
...

So often the problem is in the system, not in the people
...
You have to water the flowers you want to grow
...

They can transform unnecessarily competitive situations to cooperative ones and can powerfully impact
their effectiveness by building both P and PC
...
In education, teachers can set up
grading systems based on an individual's performance in the context of agreed-upon criteria and can
encourage students to cooperate in productive ways to help each other learn and achieve
...
In activities such as
bowling, for example, they can keep a family score and try to beat a previous one
...

A friend once shared with me a cartoon he'd seen of two children talking to each other
...
" These words brought
forcibly to his attention the nature of the problems created when families are not organized on a
responsible win-win basis
...
It makes a person accountable to perform and evaluate the results
and provides consequences as a natural result of performance
...

Processes
There's no way to achieve win-win ends with win-lose or lose-win means
...
" So the question becomes how to arrive at a
win-win solution
...
Although the words win-win are not used,
the spirit and underlying philosophy of the book are in harmony with the win-win approach
...

In my own work with various people and organizations seeking win-win solutions, I suggest that
they become involved in the following four-step process: First, see the problem from the other point of
view
...
Second, identify the key issues and concerns (not positions)
involved
...
And fourth,
identify possible new options to achieve those results
...

But at this juncture, let me point out the highly interrelated nature of the process of win-win with
the essence of win-win itself
...

Win-win is not a personality technique
...
It comes from
a character of integrity, maturity, and the Abundance Mentality
...
It is embodied in agreements that effectively clarify and manage expectations as well as
accomplishments
...
And it is achieved through the process we are
now prepared to more fully examine in Habits 5 and 6
...
Think about an upcoming interaction wherein you will be attempting to reach an agreement or
negotiate a solution
...

2
...

Determine what could be done within your Circle of Influence to eliminate some of those obstacles
...
Select a specific relationship where you would like to develop a Win-Win Agreement
...
Then list, from your own perspective, what results would constitute a win for you
...

4
...
Give some indication of what you feel the balance
is in each of the Emotional Bank Accounts
...

5
...
Is it win-lose? How does that scripting affect your
interactions with other people? Can you identify the main source of that script? Determine whether
or not those scripts serve well in your current reality
...
Try to identify a model of win-win thinking who, even in hard situations, really seeks mutual
benefit
...


Habit 5:

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood TM

Principles of Empathic Communication
The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of
...

After briefly listening to your complaint, he takes off his glasses and hands them to you
...
"I've worn this pair of glasses for 10 years now and they've really helped
me
...
"
So you put them on, but it only makes the problem worse
"This is terrible!" you exclaim
...
"They work great for me
...
"
"I am trying," you insist
...
"
"Well, what's the matter with you? Think positively
...
I positively can't see a thing
...
"And after all I've done to help you!"
What are the chances you'd go back to that optometrist the next time you need help? Not very
good, I would imagine
...

But how often do we diagnose before we prescribe in communication?
"Come on, honey, tell me how you feel
...
"
"Oh, I don't know, Mom
...
"
"Of course I wouldn't! You can tell me
...
I'm only
interested in your welfare
...
"
"Come on, honey
...
"
"What?" you respond incredulously
...
If you'd apply
yourself like your older sister does, you'd do better and then you'd like school
...
You've got the ability, but you just don't apply yourself
...

Get a positive attitude about it
...
Tell me how you feel
...
But we often fail to take the
time to diagnose, to really, deeply understand the problem first
...
This
principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication
...
Reading and writing are both forms of
communication
...
In fact, those are the four basic types of
communication
...
The
ability to do them well is absolutely critical to your effectiveness
...
We spend most of our waking hours
communicating
...
But what about listening? What training or education have you had that enables you
to listen so that you really, deeply understand another human being from that individual's own frame
of reference?
Comparatively few people have had any training in listening at all
...

If you want to interact effectively with me, to influence me -- your spouse, your child, your neighbor,
your boss, your coworker, your friend -- you first need to understand me
...
If I sense you're using some technique, I sense duplicity, manipulation
...
And I don't feel safe enough to open myself up to you
...
Your example flows
naturally out of your character, of the kind of person you truly are -- not what others say you are or
what you may want me to think you are
...

Your character is constantly radiating, communicating
...

If your life runs hot and cold, if you're both caustic and kind, and, above all, if your private
performance doesn't square with your public performance, it's very hard for me to open up with you
...
Who knows what will happen?
But unless I open up with you, unless you understand me and my unique situation and feelings, you
won't know how to advise or counsel me
...

You may say you care about and appreciate me
...
But how can
you appreciate me when you don't even understand me? All I have are your words, and I can't trust
words
...

Unless you're influenced by my uniqueness, I'm not going to be influenced by your advice
...
You have to build the skills of empathic listening on a base of character that inspires
openness and trust
...

Empathic Listening
"Seek first to understand" involves a very deep shift in paradigm
...
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to
reply
...
They're filtering everything through their own
paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives
...
Let me tell you about my experience
...
They prescribe
their own glasses for everyone with whom they interact
...
"
A father once told me, "I can't understand my kid
...
"
"Let me restate what you just said," I replied
...

"Let me try again," I said
...

"I thought that to understand another person, you needed to listen to him," I suggested
...
There was a long pause
...
"Oh,
yeah! But I do understand him
...
I went through the same thing
myself
...
"
This man didn't have the vaguest idea of what was really going on inside his boy's head
...

That's the case with so many of us
...

We want to be understood
...

When another person speaks, we're usually "listening" at one of four levels
...
We may practice pretending
...
Uh-huh
...
"
We may practice selective listening, hearing only certain parts of the constant chatter of a preschool
child
...
But very few of us ever practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening,
empathic listening
...
That kind of listening is
skill-based, truncated from character and relationship, and often insults those "listened" to in such a
way
...
If you practice those techniques, you may not project
your autobiography in the actual interaction, but your motive in listening is autobiographical
...

When I say empathic listening, I mean listening with intent to understand
...
It's an entirely different paradigm
...
You look out
through it, you see the world the way they see the world, you understand their paradigm, you
understand how they feel
...
Sympathy is a form of agreement, a form of judgment
...
But people often feed on sympathy
...
The essence of empathic listening is not that you agree with someone; it's that
you fully, deeply, understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually
...
Communications experts estimate, in fact, that only 10 percent of our
communication is represented by the words we say
...
In empathic listening, you listen with your ears, but you also,
and more importantly, listen with your eyes and with your heart
...

You listen for behavior
...
You sense, you intuit, you feel
...
Instead of
projecting your own autobiography and assuming thought, feelings, motives, and interpretation, you're
dealing with the reality inside another person's head and heart
...

You're focused on receiving the deep communication of another human soul
...
You can work your fingers to
the bone to make a deposit, only to have it turn into a withdrawal when a person regards your efforts as
manipulative, self-serving, intimidating, or condescending because you don't understand what really
matters to him
...
It's
deeply therapeutic and healing because it gives a person "psychological air
...
Survival would be your only motivation
...
This is one of the greatest insights in the field of
human motivations: Satisfied needs do not motivate
...

Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival -- to be
understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated
...
And
after that vital need is met, you can then focus on influencing or problem solving
...

I taught this concept at a seminar in Chicago one time, and I instructed the participants to practice
empathic listening during the evening
...

"Let me tell you what happened last night," he said
...
I met with the principals, their attorneys, and another real
estate agent who had just been brought in with an alternative proposal
...
I had been working on this deal for over six months
and, in a very real sense, all my eggs were in this one basket
...
I panicked
...
The final stop
was to say, 'Could we delay this decision just a little longer?' But the momentum was so strong and
they were so disgusted by having this thing go on so long, it was obvious they were going to close
...
'
"I just said to the man, 'Let me see if I really understand what your position is and what your
concerns about my recommendations really are
...
'
"I really tried to put myself in his shoes
...

"The more I sensed and expressed the things he was worried about, the results he anticipated, the
more he opened up
...
Putting his hand over the mouthpiece, he said, 'You've got the deal
...
"I still am this morning
...

When it comes right down to it, other things being relatively equal, the human dynamic is more
important than the technical dimensions of the deal
...
It's so much easier in the
short run to hand someone a pair of glasses that have fit you so well these many years
...
You can't achieve maximum
interdependent production from an inaccurate understanding of where other people are coming from
...

Empathic listening is also risky
...
You become vulnerable
...
That means you have to really
understand
...
They give you the changeless inner core, the
principle center, from which you can handle the more outward vulnerability with peace and strength
...
It's the mark of all true professionals
...
You wouldn't have any confidence in a doctor's prescription
unless you had confidence in the diagnosis
When our daughter Jenny was only two months old, she was sick on Saturday, the day of a football
game in our community that dominated the consciousness of almost everyone
...
Sandra and I would like to have gone, but we didn't want to
leave little Jenny
...
He wasn't our personal physician, but he was the one on call
...
It was right at a critical time in the game, and she
could sense on officious tone in his voice
...
"What is it?"
"This is Mrs
...
"

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

"What's the situation?" he asked
...
I'll call in a prescription
...

"Do you think he realizes that Jenny is just a newborn?" I asked her
"I'm sure he does," Sandra replied
...
He's never even treated her
...
"
"Are you willing to give her the medicine unless you're absolutely sure he knows?"
Sandra was silent
...

"Call him back," I said
...

So I did
...
"Doctor," I said, "when you called in that
prescription, did your realize that Jenny is just two months old?"
"No!" he exclaimed
...
It's good you called me back
...
"
If you don't have confidence in the diagnosis, you won't have confidence in the prescription
...
An effective salesperson first seeks to understand the needs, the
concerns, the situation of the customer
...
It's a totally different approach
...
He also learns how to relate people's needs to his products and services
...

Diagnosing before you prescribe is also fundamental to law
...

A good lawyer almost writes the opposing attorney's case before he writes his own
...
Can you imagine someone in a company saying, "This consumer
research stuff is for the birds
...
" In other words, forget understanding the
consumer's buying habits and motives -- just design products
...

A good engineer will understand the forces, the stresses at work, before designing the bridge
...
A good student will understand before he applies
...
The key to good judgment is
understanding
...

Seek first to understand is a correct principle evident in all areas of life
...

Four Autobiographical Responses
Because we listen autobiographically, we tend to respond in one of four ways
...

These responses come naturally to us
...
But how do they affect our ability to really understand?
If I'm trying to communicate with my son, can he feel free to open himself up to me when I evaluate
everything he says before he really explains it? Am I giving him psychological air?
And how does he feel when I probe? Probing is playing 20 questions
...
It's also logical, and the language of logic is different from the language of

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

sentiment and emotion
...
Constant probing is one of the main reasons parents do not get close to their children
...
"
"Well, what's been happening lately?"
"Nothing
...
"
"And what are your plans for the weekend?"
"I don't know
...
Your house is a motel where he eats and sleeps, but he never shares, never opens up
...
"
We are so deeply scripted in these responses that we don't even realize when we use them
...
But as they begin to see how they normally respond and learn how to listen with
empathy, they can see the dramatic results in communication
...

Let's take a look at what well might be a typical communication between a father and his teenage
son
...

"Boy, Dad, I've had it! School is for the birds!"
"What's the matter, Son?" (probing)
...
I don't get a thing out of it
...
I felt the same way when I was your age
...
But those classes turned out to be the most
helpful to me later on
...
Give it some time" (advising)
...

"No, I'm not
...
He's quit school
...
And he's making lots of
money
...
"
"It may look that way now
...
You don't want to be an auto mechanic
...

"I don't know
...
"

"Look, Son, have you really tried?" (probing, evaluating)
...
Sure I've tried
...
"

"That's a highly respected school, Son
...


"Well, the other guys feel the same way I do
...

"I know you've sacrificed, Dad
...
"
"Look, maybe if you spent more time doing your homework and less time in front of TV
...

"Look, Dad
...
Oh, never mind! I don't want to talk about this anyway
...
Obviously, he wanted to help
...

"Boy, Dad, I've had it! School is for the birds!" (I want to talk with you, to get your attention
...
I don't get a thing out of it
...

"Well, you just can't see the benefits yet, son
...
" (Oh, no!
Here comes Chapter three of Dad's autobiography
...
I don't really
care how many miles he had to trudge through the snow to school without any boots
...
) "I remember thinking what a waste some of the classes were
...
Just hang in there
...
" (Time won't solve
my problem
...
I wish I could just spit it out
...
" ( He wouldn't like me if I were an auto mechanic
...
I have to justify what I said
...
Look at Joe
...
He's working on cars
...
Now that's practical
...
But several years down the road, Joe's going to wish he'd stayed in
school
...
) "You don't want to
be an auto mechanic
...
"
"I don't know
...
" (He's not a failure
...
)
"Look, Son, have you really tried?" (We're beating around the bush, Dad
...
)
"I've been in high school two years now
...
It's just a waste
...
Give them a little credit
...
Now we're talking
credibility
...
)
"Well, the other guys feel the same way I do
...
I'm not a moron
...
Maybe I am a moron
...
)
"You can't quit when you've come this far
...
But it's just not worth it
...
)
"Look, maybe if you spent more time doing your homework and less time in front of TV
...
I was dumb to try
...
It's just no good
...
"
Can you see how limited we are when we try to understand another person on the basis of words
alone, especially when we're looking at that person through our own glasses? Can you see how
limiting our autobiographical responses are to a person who is genuinely trying to get us to understand
his autobiography?
You will never be able to truly step inside another person, to see the world as he sees it, until you
develop the pure desire, the strength of personal character, and the positive Emotional Bank Account,
as well as the empathic listening skills to do it
...
This is the skill taught in "active" or "reflective"
listening
...
It is, however, a first-stage skill because it at least causes you to listen to what's being said
Mimicking content is easy
...
You're hardly even using your brain at all
"Boy, Dad, I've had it! School is for the birds!"
"You've had it
...
"
You have essentially repeated back the content of what was being said
...
You've at least showed you're paying attention to his words
...

The second stage of empathic listening is to rephrase the content
...
"
This time, you've put his meaning into your own words
...

The third stage brings your right brain into operation
...

"Boy, Dad, I've had it! School is for the birds!"
"You're feeling really frustrated
...
The fourth stage includes both the second and the third
...

"Boy, Dad, I've had it! School is for the birds!"
"You're really frustrated about school
...
You're using both sides of your brain to understand
both sides of his communication
...
As
you authentically seek to understand, as you rephrase content and reflect feeling, you give him
psychological air
...
As he grows in
his confidence of your sincere desire to really listen and understand, the barrier between what's going
on inside him and what's actually being communicated to you disappears
...

He's not thinking and feeling one thing and communicating another
...

"Boy, Dad, I've had it! School is for the birds!" (I want to talk with you to get your attention
...
" (That's right! That's how I feel
...
It's totally impractical
...
"
"You feel like school's not doing you any good
...
I'm just not learning anything that's going to help me
...
He's
dropped out of school and he's working on cars
...
Now that's practical
...
" (Well
...
He's really making money now
...
"
"You think Joe's going to feel he made the wrong decision
...
Just look at what he's giving up
...
"
"Education is really important
...
"
"It's important to your future
...
And, you know what? I'm really worried
...
"
"Well, not really
...
She'll probably find out anyway
...
And, Dad, they said I'm reading on a fourth-grade level
...
And we'll never get to the
problem if we're so caught up in our own autobiography, our own paradigms, that we don't take off
our glasses long enough to see the world from another point of view
...
I guess I figure if I'm going to flunk, I might as well quit
...
"
"You feel torn
...
"
"What do you think I should do, Dad?"
By seeking first to understand, this father has just turned a transactional opportunity into a
transformational opportunity
...
By setting aside his own autobiography and really seeking to
understand, he has made a tremendous deposit in the Emotional Bank Account and has empowered his
son to open, layer upon layer, and to get to the real issue
...
The son is opening his father's autobiography and asking for
advice
...

As long as the response is logical, the father can effectively ask questions and give counsel
...

"Well, I can see some things you might want to consider
...
Maybe they have some kind of tutoring
program over at the tech school
...
It takes two nights and all day Saturday
...

"That's too much of a price to pay
...
"
"You don't want to let them down
...
If I really thought that tutoring course would help, I'd be down there
every night
...
"
"You really want the help, but you doubt if the course will make a difference
...
He's opening his father's autobiography again
...

There are times when transformation requires no outside counsel
...

At other times, they really need additional perspective and help
...
Layer upon layer -- it's like peeling an onion until you get to the soft inner
core
...
They want to open up
...
And they will, if they feel their parents will love them
unconditionally and will be faithful to them afterwards and not judge or ridicule them
...
It isn't even always necessary to talk in order to empathize
...
That's one very important reason why technique alone will not work
...
Isolated technique only gets in the way
...

We need to have the skills
...
People resent any attempt to manipulate them
...

"I read this book about listening and empathy and I thought about my relationship with you
...
But I want to
...
I may blow it at times,
but I'm going to work at it
...
I hope you'll help me
...

But if you're not sincere, I wouldn't even try it
...
The technique, the tip of the iceberg, has to come out of
the massive base of character underneath
...
It may take a little
more time initially but it saves so much time downstream
...
You can't say,
"I'm in too much of a hurry
...
Just take this treatment
...
There was a soft
breeze blowing, and so I had opened two windows -- one at the front and one at the side -- to keep the
room cool
...

Suddenly, the breeze started picking up and blowing my papers about
...
Finally, I realized it would be better to
take 10 seconds and close one of the windows
...

A discerning empathic listener can read what's happening down deep fast, and can show such
acceptance, such understanding, that other people feel safe to open up layer after layer until they get to
that soft inner core where the problem really lies
...
And whatever investment of time it takes to do that will bring
much greater returns of time as you work from an accurate understanding of the problems and issues
and from the high Emotional Bank Account that results when a person feels deeply understood
...
You will also begin to appreciate the impact that these differences can have as people try
to work together in interdependent situations
...
And both of us can be right
...

You may be scripted in the Abundance Mentality; I may be scripted in the Scarcity Mentality
...

Our perceptions can be vastly different
...
"
Now, with all our differences, we're trying to work together -- in a marriage, in a job, in a
community service project -- to manage resources and accomplish results
...
It's the first step in the process of win-win
...

This principle worked powerfully for one executive who shared with me the following experience
...
This institution flew in their lawyers from San Francisco, their negotiator
from Ohio, and presidents of two of their large banks to create an eight-person negotiating team
...
They wanted to significantly
increase the level of service and the cost, but they had been almost overwhelmed with the demands of
this large financial institution
...
We will respond to those needs and concerns
...
'
"The members of the negotiating team were overwhelmed
...
They took three days to come up with the idea
...
'
And he went down the contract, rephrasing the content, reflecting the feeling, until he was sure and
they were sure he understood what was important to them
...
That's right
...
yes, you've got it now
...
and they listened
...
They weren't fighting for air
...

"At the conclusion of the discussions, the members of the negotiating team basically said, 'We want
to work with you
...
Just let us know what the price is and we'll sign
...
Knowing how to be understood is the other half
of Habit 5, and is equally critical in reaching win-win solutions
...
Seeking to
understand requires consideration; seeking to be understood takes courage
...
So it becomes important in interdependent situations for us to be understood
...
I suggest these three words contain the essence of seeking first to
understand and making effective presentations
...
It's the
trust that you inspire, your Emotional Bank Account
...
It
means that you are in alignment with the emotional trust of another person's communication
...

Notice the sequence: ethos, pathos, logos -- your character, and your relationships, and then the
logic of your presentation
...
Most people, in making
presentations, go straight to the logos, the left-brain logic, of their ideas
...

I had an acquaintance who was very frustrated because his boss was locked into what he felt was an
unproductive leadership style
...
"I've talked to him about it, he's aware of it, but he
does nothing
...

"I did," was the reply
...
Did you create the change you wanted? Did
you build the relationship in the process? What were the results of your presentation?"
"I told you, he didn't do anything
...
"
"Then make an effective presentation
...
You've got to get
into his frame of mind
...
That will take some homework
...

"Well, then," I said, "just smile about it and learn to live with it
...
"It compromises my integrity
...
That's in your Circle of Influence
...
The investment seemed too great
...
He approached me one
day and said, "Stephen, I can't get to first base in getting the funding I need for my research because my
research is really not in the mainstream of this department's interests
...
"I know you're sincere and the research you want to do would bring
great benefits
...
Show
that you understand them in depth
...
"
"Well, I'll try," he said
...
He was willing, and so we dress rehearsed his
approach
...
"
He took the time to do it slowly, gradually
...
"
When you can present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually, and most important,
contextually -- in the context of a deep understanding of their paradigms and concerns -- you
significantly increase the credibility of your ideas
...
You
really understand
...

Habit 5 lifts you to greater accuracy, greater integrity, in your presentations
...
They know you're presenting the ideas which you genuinely believe, taking all known facts and
perceptions into consideration, that will benefit everyone
...
Many factors in
interdependent situations are in your Circle of Concern -- problems, disagreements, circumstances,
other people's behavior
...

But you can always seek first to understand
...
And as
you do that, as you focus on your Circle of Influence, you really, deeply understand other people
...

It's the Inside-Out approach
...

Because you really listen, you become influenceable
...
Your circle begins to expand
...

And watch what happens to you
...
To touch the soul of another human
being is to walk on holy ground
...
The next time you communicate with anyone,
you can put aside your own autobiography and genuinely seek to understand
...
You can sense their hearts, you can
sense the hurt, and you can respond, "You seem down today
...
That's all right
...

Don't push; be patient; be respectful
...
You can empathize all the time with their behavior
...

And if you're highly proactive, you can create opportunities to do preventive work
...

Spend time with your children now, one-on-one
...
Look at your
home, at school life, at the challenges and the problems they're facing, through their eyes
...
Give them air
...
Have dinner or do something together you both enjoy
...
See life through each other's eyes
...
As well as seeking to
understand each other, we often take time to actually practice empathic listening skills to help us in
communicating with our children
...

I may act as if I am a son or daughter requesting a special privilege even though I haven't fulfilled a
basic family responsibility, and Sandra plays herself

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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We interact back and forth and try to visualize the situation in a very real way so that we can train
ourselves to be consistent in modeling and teaching correct principles to our children
...
"
The time you invest to deeply understand the people you love brings tremendous dividends in open
communication
...
The communication becomes so open that potential problems can be nipped in the
bud
...

In business, you can set up one-on-one time with your employees
...
Set up human resource accounting or Stakeholder Information Systems in your business to get
honest, accurate feedback at every level: from customers, suppliers, and employees
...
You save tremendous amounts
of time, energy, and money when you tap into the human resources of a business at every level
...
And you also give the people who work for you and with you psychological air
...

Seek first to understand
...
It's a powerful habit of effective
interdependence
...
Our differences are no longer stumbling blocks to communication and progress
...

Application Suggestions
1
...
Try to
understand and write down the situation from the other person's point of view
...

How valid were your assumptions? Did you really understand that individual's perspective
...
Share the concept of empathy with someone close to you
...
How did you do? How did it make that
person feel
...
The next time you have an opportunity to watch people communicate, cover your ears for a few
minutes and just watch
...

4
...
("I'm sorry, I just realized I'm not really trying to understand
...
Base your next presentation on empathy
...


Habit 6:

Synergize TM

Principles of Creative Cooperation

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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I take as my guide the hope of a saint
in crucial things, unity -in important things, diversity -in all things, generosity
-- Inaugural Address of President George Bus
*
*
When Sir Winston Churchill was called to head up the war effort for Great Britain, he remarked that
all his life had prepared him for this hour
...

When properly understood, synergy is the highest activity in all life -- the true test and
manifestation of all the other habits put together
...
What results is
almost miraculous
...

Synergy is the essence of Principle-Centered Leadership
...
It catalyzes, unifies, and unleashes the greatest powers within people
...

What is synergy? Simply defined, it means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts
...
It is not only a
part, but the most catalytic, the most empowering, the most unifying, and the most exciting part
...
You don't know what new dangers and challenges you'll find
...
Without doubt, you have to leave the comfort zone of base camp
and confront an entirely new and unknown wilderness
...
You
open new possibilities, new territories, new continents, so that others can follow
...
If you plant two plants close together, the roots commingle and
improve the quality of the soil so that both plants will grow better than if they were separated
...
The whole is greater than the sum of its parts
...

The challenge is to apply the principles of creative cooperation, which we learn from nature, in our
social interactions
...

The very way that man and a woman bring a child into the world is synergistic
...

We obviously value the physical differences between men and women, husbands and wives
...
It may seem as if you are casting aside
Habit 2 (to Begin with the End in Mind); but, in fact, you're doing the opposite -- you're fulfilling it
...
And that is the end that you have in mind
...

Many people have not really experienced even a moderate degree of synergy in their family life or in
other interactions
...
As a result, they are never really open to Habit
6 and to these principles
...
Ineffective people live day after day with unused
potential
...

They may have memories of some unusual creative experiences, perhaps in athletics, where they
were involved in a real team spirit for a period of time
...

To many, such events may seem unusual, almost out of character with life, even miraculous
...
These things can be produced regularly, consistently, almost daily in people's lives
...

Almost all creative endeavors are somewhat unpredictable
...
And unless people have a high tolerance for ambiguity and get their
security from integrity to principles and inner values they find it unnerving and unpleasant to be
involved in highly creative enterprises
...

Synergy in the Classroom
As a teacher, I have come to believe that many truly great classes teeter on the very edge of chaos
...

There are times when neither the teacher nor the student know for sure what's going to happen
...
Then comes brainstorming where the spirit of evaluation is subordinated to the
spirit of creativity, imagining, and intellectual networking
...
The entire class is transformed with the excitement of a new thrust, a new idea, a
new direction that's hard to define, yet it's almost palpable to the people involved
...

I'll never forget a university class I taught in leadership philosophy and style
...
A spirit of humility and
reverence fell upon the class -- reverence toward this individual and appreciation for his courage
...
Others began to pick up on it,
sharing some of their experiences and insights and even some of their self-doubts
...
Rather than present what they prepared, they
fed on each other's insights and ideas and started to create a whole new scenario as to what that class
could mean
...
In fact, I was almost mesmerized by it because it seemed so
magical and creative
...
It wasn't just a flight of fancy; there was a sense of
maturity and stability and substance which transcended by far the old structure and plan
...
We became so excited about what was happening
that in about three more weeks, we all sensed an overwhelming desire to share what was happening
with others
We decided to write a book containing our learnings and insights on the subject of our study -principles of leadership
...

People worked much harder than they ever would have in the original class structure, and for an
entirely different set of reasons
Out of this experience emerged an extremely unique, cohesive, and synergistic culture that did not
end with the semester
...
Even
today, many years later, when we see each other, we talk about it and often attempt to describe what
happened and why
...
I think it was largely because the people were relatively mature
...
They were hungry for something new and exciting, something that they could
create that was truly meaningful
...
In addition, the
chemistry was right
...

I've also experienced, as I believe most people have, times that were almost synergistic, times that
hung on the edge of chaos and for some reason descended into it
...
They defend
themselves against it and cut themselves off from synergy
...

As I think back on many consulting and executive education experiences, I can say that the
highlights were almost always synergistic
...
Then others became more authentic, open, and
honest, and the synergistic communication process began
...

As Carl Rogers taught, "That which is most personal is most general
...
That expression in turn feeds back on the other person's spirit, and genuine creative
empathy takes place, producing new insights and learnings and a sense of excitement and adventure
that keeps the process going
...
Then whole new worlds of insights, new perspectives,
new paradigms that insure options, new alternatives are opened up and thought about
...

Synergy in Business
I enjoyed one particularly meaningful synergistic experience as I worked with my associates to
create the corporate mission statement for our business
...

At first the communication was respectful, careful and predictable
...
The mission statement agenda gave way to a collective free
association, a spontaneous piggybacking of ideas
...

Everyone could sense it
...
As it matured, we returned to the task of putting the
evolved collective vision into words, each of which contains specific and committed-to meaning for
each participant
...

The synergistic process that led to the creation of our mission statement engraved it in all the hearts
and minds of everyone there, and it has served us well as a frame of reference of what we are about, as
well as what we are not about
...
Several
months ahead, I met with the committee responsible to prepare for and stage the two-day meeting
which was to involve all the top executives
...
Past meetings had been generally respectful exchanges,
occasionally deteriorating into defensive win-lose ego battles
...

As I talked with the committee members about the power of synergy, they could sense its potential
...
They requested various executives
to prepare anonymous "white papers" on each of the high priority issues, and then asked all the
executives to immerse themselves in these papers ahead of time in order to understand the issues and
the differing points of view
...

We spent the first half-day in the meeting teaching the principles and practicing the skills of Habits 4,
5, and 6
...

The release of creative energy was incredible
...
People became very
open to each other's influence and generated new insights and options
...
The white paper
proposals became obsolete
...
A new common vision began
to form
...
They know the
possibility of having other such mind-expanding adventures in the future
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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However, the essential purpose behind creative work can be recaptured
...

Snergy and Communication
Synergy is exciting
...
It's phenomenal what openness and communication
can produce
...

After World War II, the United States commissioned David Lilienthal to head the new Atomic
Energy Commission
...

This very diverse group of individuals had an extremely heavy agenda, and they were impatient to
get at it
...

But Lilienthal took several weeks to create a high Emotional Bank Account
...
He facilitated the kind of human interaction that creates a great
bonding between people, and he was heavily criticized for taking the time to do it because it wasn't
"efficient
...
The respect among the members of the commission was so high that if there
was disagreement, instead of opposition and defense, there was a genuine effort to understand
...

You have a perspective, a frame of reference I need to look at
...

The following diagram illustrates how closely trust is related to different levels of communication
...
Such communication produces only
win-lose or lose-lose
...

The middle position is respectful communication
...
They have respect for each other, but they want to avoid the possibility of ugly confrontations,
so they communicate politely but not empathically
...

Respectful communication works in independent situations and even in interdependent situations,
but the creative possibilities are not opened up
...
Compromise means that 1 + 1 + 1 = 1/2
...
The
communication isn't defensive or protective or angry or manipulative; it is honest and genuine and
respectful
...
It produces a low form of win-win
...
The synergistic position of high trust
produces solutions better than any originally proposed, and all parties know it
...
A miniculture is formed to satisfy in and of itself
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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There are some circumstances in which synergy may not be achievable and no deal isn't viable
...

Fishing for the A Third Alternative
To get a better idea of how our level of communication affects our interdependent effectiveness,
envision the following scenario
...
This is important to him; he's been planning it all year
...

His wife, however, wants to use the vacation time to visit her ailing mother some 250 miles away
...

"The plans are set
...
We should go on the fishing trip," he says
...
"This is our only opportunity to have enough time to do that
...
The boys would be miserable
sitting around grandmother's house for a week
...
Besides, your
mother's not that sick
...
"
"She's my mother, too
...
"
"You could phone her every night
...
Remember?"
"That's not for five more months
...
Besides, she
needs me, and she wants me
...
Besides, the boys and I need you, too
...
"
"Your husband and sons are more important than your mother
...
They
may decide to split up -- he takes the boys fishing at the lake while she visits her mother
...
The boys sense it, and it affects their enjoyment of the vacation
...
And consciously or unconsciously,
he produces evidence to fulfill his prophecy of how miserable the week will be for everyone
...
If her mother were to become seriously ill and die, the
husband could never forgive himself, and she couldn't forgive him either
...
It could be a source of contention for
years and could even polarize the family
...

The husband and wife see the situation differently
...
Or it can bring them closer together on a higher level
...
Their communication is on a higher level
...
Because they Think Win-Win, they believe in a Third Alternative, a solution that is
mutually beneficial and is better than what either of them originally proposed
...

And the combination of those ingredients -- the high Emotional Bank Account, thinking win-win,
and seeking first to understand -- creates the ideal environment for synergy
...
" Middle in this sense does not mean compromise; it means
higher, like the apex of the triangle
...
He understands how she wants to relieve her sister, who has had the primary responsibility
for their mother's care
...

And the wife deeply understands her husband's desire to have the family together and to provide a
great experience for the boys
...

So they pool those desires
...
They're together on
one side, looking at the problem, understanding the needs, and working to create a Third Alternative
that will meet them
...
"I could take over the home responsibilities for the weekend and arrange for some help at
the first of the week so that you could go
...

"Or maybe we could locate a place to camp and fish that would be close to your mother
...
And the boys
wouldn't be climbing the walls
...
"
They synergize
...
It's better than the solutions either of them originally proposed
...
It's a synergistic solution that builds P and PC
...
They get what they both really want and build their
relationship in the process
...

But look at the difference in results
...

And instead of getting a foot off the brake, most people give it more gas
...

The problem is that highly dependent people are trying to succeed in an interdependent reality
...
They may talk win-win
technique, but they don't really want to listen; they want to manipulate
...

Insecure people think that all reality should be amenable to their paradigms
...
They don't realize that the very
strength of the relationship is in having another point of view
...
Unity, or oneness, is complementariness, not sameness
...
and
boring
...

I've come to believe that the key to interpersonal synergy is intrapersonal synergy, that is synergy
within ourselves
...
By
internalizing those principles, we develop the Abundance Mentality of win-win and the authenticity of
Habit 5
...
People who are scripted deeply in logical, verbal, left-brain thinking will discover how
totally inadequate that thinking is in solving problems which require a great deal of creativity
...
It's not that the right brain
wasn't there; it just lay dormant
...

When a person has access to both the intuitive, creative, and visual right brain, and the analytical,
logical, verbal left brain, then the whole brain is working
...
And this tool is best suited to the reality of what life is, because life is
not just logical -- it is also emotional
...
During the break, the president of the company came up to me and said,
"Stephen, this is intriguing
...
My wife and I have a real communication problem
...

As we sat down together, we exchanged a few pleasantries
...
I know you feel I should be a more sensitive, considerate husband
...

"Well, as I've told you before, it's nothing specific
...
" Her dominant right brain was dealing with sensing and with the gestalt, the whole, the
relationship between the parts
...
"
"Well, it's just a feeling
...
"I just don't think
our marriage is as important to you as you tell me it is
...
"
"It's hard to put into words
...
"
"Honey," he said to her, "that's your problem
...
In fact,
it's the problem with every woman I know
...

"Do you live where you want to live?"

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

"That's not it," she sighed
...
"
"I know," he replied with a forced patience
...
Do you live where you want to live?"
"I guess
...
Just give me a quick 'yes' or 'no'
answer
...
"
"Okay
...
Do you have the things you want to have?"
"Yes
...
Do you do the things you want to do?"
This went on for a little while, and I could see I wasn't helping at all
...

"It's the story of our marriage," she sighed
...
"Do you have any children?" I asked
...
"
"Really?" I asked incredulously
...
"One plus one usually equals two
...
Now that's synergy
...
So how did you do
it?"
"You know how we did it," he replied
...

Valuing the Differences
Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy -- the mental, the emotional, the psychological
differences between people
...

If I think I see the world as it is, why would I want to value the differences? Why would I even want
to bother with someone who's "off track"? My paradigm is that I am objective; I see the world as it is
...
That's why they call me a
supervisor -- I have super vision
...
I will be limited by the paradigms of my own conditioning
...
That person values the differences because those differences add to his
knowledge, to his understanding of reality
...

Is it logical that two people can disagree and that both can be right? It's not logical: it's psychological
...
You see the young lady; I see the old woman
...
We see the same black lines, the same white spaces
...

And unless we value the differences in our perceptions, unless we value each other and give
credence to the possibility that we're both right, that life is not always a dichotomous either/or, that
there are almost always Third Alternatives, we will never be able to transcend the limits of that

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

conditioning
...
But I realize that you see something else
...
I
value your perception
...

So when I become aware of the difference in our perceptions, I say, "Good! You see it differently!
Help me see what you see
...
It's not going to do me any good at all to
communicate with someone else who sees only the old woman also
...
I value that difference
...
I give you psychological
air
...
I create an environment for synergy
...
R
...
Reeves
...
They adopted an activity curriculum consisting of running,
climbing, swimming, and flying
...

The duck was excellent in swimming, better in fact than his instructor, and made excellent grades in
flying, but he was very poor in running
...
This was kept up until his web feet were badly worn and he
was only average in swimming
...

The rabbit started at the top of the class in running, but had a nervous breakdown because of so
much makeup in swimming
...
He also developed
charley horses from over-exertion and he got a C in climbing and a D in running
...
In climbing class he beat all the
others to the top of the tree, but insisted on using his own way of getting there
...

The prairie dogs stayed out of school and fought the tax levy because the administration would not
add digging and burrowing to the curriculum
...

Force Field Analysis
In an interdependent situation, synergy is particularly powerful in dealing with negative forces that
work against growth and change
...

Driving forces generally are positive, reasonable, logical, conscious, and economic
...
Both
sets of forces are very real and must be taken into account in dealing with change
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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You may really want to change that level
...
Your logical reasons for doing that are the driving forces
that act to raise the level
...
Your efforts are opposed by restraining forces -by the competitive spirit between children in the family, by the different scripting of home life you and
your spouse have brought to the relationship, by habits that have developed in the family, by work or
other demands on your time and energies
...
But as long as the restraining forces
are there, it becomes increasingly harder
...

The resulting up and down, yo-yo effect causes you to feel, after several attempts, that people are
"just the way they are" and that "it's too difficult to change
...
You unfreeze them, loosen them up,
and create new insights that actually transform those restraining forces into driving ones
...

As a result, new goals, shared goals, are created, and the whole enterprise moves upward, often in
ways that no one could have anticipated
...
The people involved in it are enmeshed in each other's humanity and empowered by
new, fresh thinking, by new creative alternatives and opportunities
...
And all that did was to exacerbate the problem because the
interpersonal communication deteriorated as it went through the legal process
...

"Would you be interested in going for a win-win solution that both parties feel really good about?" I
would ask
...

"If I can get the other party to agree, would you be willing to start the process of really
communicating with each other?"
Again, the answer was usually "yes
...
Problems that had been legally and
psychologically wrangled about for months have been settled in a matter of a few hours or days
...
And, in most cases, the relationships continued
even though it had appeared in the beginning that the trust level was so low and the rupture in the
relationship so large as to be almost irreparable
...
Both parties felt totally justified
in the rightness of their position and perceived each other as unethical and completely untrustworthy
...
First, early communication problems
resulted in a misunderstanding which was later exacerbated by accusations and counteraccusations
...

Once these two things became clear, the spirit of Habits 4, 5, and 6 took over, the problem was
rapidly resolved, and the relationship continues to prosper
...
The bank wanted to foreclose because he was not complying with the principal

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

and interest payment schedule, and he was suing the bank to avoid the foreclosure
...
It was a chicken-and-egg problem
with undercapitalization
...
The streets were beginning to look like weed fields,
and the owners of the few homes that had been built were up in arms as they saw their property values
drop
...
Tens of thousands of dollars in legal costs had already been spent by the bank and the
developer and the case wasn't scheduled to come to court for several months
...
He
arranged a meeting with even more reluctant bank officials
...
M
...
The tension and mistrust
were palpable
...
They were
only to listen and he alone would speak
...

For the first hour and a half, I taught Habits 4, 5, and 6
...
Initially the bank officials said nothing,
but the more we communicated win-win intentions and sought first to understand, the more they
opened up to explain and clarify
...
Over the
attorney's objections the bank officials opened up even more, even about personal concerns
...
At that point, they were sufficiently open to listen to the developer's
concerns, which we wrote down on the other side of the blackboard
...

The shared sense of both chronic and acute pain combined with a sense of genuine progress kept
everyone communicating
...

The very first recommendation made by the developer was seen as a beginning win-win approach
by all
...
M
...
Despite subsequent
complicating developments, the legal fight was aborted and the building project continued to a
successful conclusion
...
Some situations absolutely require
it
...
If it is used too early, even in a preventive sense,
sometimes fear and the legal paradigm create subsequent thought and action processes that are not
synergistic
...
It's in the relationship that creative powers are maximized, just as the real power in
these Seven Habits is in their relationship to each other, not just in the individual habits themselves
...
The more genuine the involvement, the more sincere and sustained the participation in
analyzing and solving problems, the greater the release of everyone's creativity, and of their
commitment to what they create
...

Synergy works; it's a correct principle
...

It is effectiveness in an interdependent reality -- it is teamwork, team building, the development of
unity and creativity with other human beings
...

Your own internal synergy is completely within the circle
...
You can value the difference between them and use
that difference to catalyze creativity
...
You
don't have to take insults personally
...

You can exercise the courage in interdependent situations to be open, to express your ideas, your
feelings, and your experiences in a way that will encourage other people to be open also
...
When someone disagrees with you, you can say,
"Good! You see it differently
...
And
you can seek to understand
...
There's almost always a Third Alternative, and if you work with a win-win
philosophy and really seek to understand, you usually can find a solution that will be better for
everyone concerned
...
Think about a person who typically sees things differently than you do
...
Perhaps you
could seek out his or her views on a current project or problem, valuing the different views you are
likely to hear
...
Make a list of people who irritate you
...

3
...
What conditions
would need to exist to support synergy? What can you do to create those conditions
...
The next time you have a disagreement or confrontation with someone, attempt to understand
the concerns underlying that person's position
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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Part Four -- RENEWAL
Habit 7:

Sharpen the Saw TM

Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal
Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things
...
there are no little things
...

"What are you doing?" you ask
...
"I'm sawing down this tree
...
"How long have you been at it?"
"Over five hours," he returns, "and I'm beat! This is hard work
...
"I'm sure
it would go a lot faster
...
"I'm too busy sawing!"
Habit 7 is taking time to Sharpen the Saw
...

Four Dimensions of Renewal
Habit 7 is personal PC
...
It's
renewing the four dimensions of your nature -- physical, spiritual, mental, and social/emotional
...
Philosopher Herb Shepherd describes the healthy balanced life around four
values: perspective (spiritual), autonomy (mental), connectedness (social), and tone (physical)
...
Sound motivation and organization theory
embrace these four dimensions or motivations -- the economic (physical); how people are treated
(social); how people are developed and used (mental); and the service, the job, the contribution the
organization gives (spiritual)
...
It means exercising all four
dimensions of our nature, regularly and consistently, in wise and balanced ways
...
Taking time to sharpen the saw is a definite Quadrant II activity,
and Quadrant II must be acted on
...
Personal PC must be pressed upon until it becomes second nature, until it becomes a kind
of healthy addiction
...

We must do it for ourselves
...
We are the instruments of
our own performance, and to be effective, we need to recognize the importance of taking time regularly
to sharpen the saw in all four ways
...

Exercise is one of those Quadrant II, high-leverage activities that most of us don't do consistently
because it isn't urgent
...

Most of us think we don't have enough time to exercise
...
We're talking about three to six hours a week -- or a minimum of thirty minutes a day,
every other day
...

And you don't need any special equipment to do it
...
But it
isn't necessary to sharpen the saw
...

Endurance comes from aerobic exercise, from cardiovascular efficiency -- the ability of your heart to
pump blood through your body
...
It can only be exercised through the
large muscle groups, particularly the leg muscles
...

You are considered minimally fit if you can increase your heart rate to at least 100 beats per minute
and keep it at that level for 30 minutes
...
Your maximum heart rate is
generally accepted to be 220 less your age
...
6 = 108)
...

Flexibility comes through stretching
...
Before, it helps loosen and warm the muscles to prepare for
more vigorous exercise
...

Strength comes from muscle resistance exercises -- like simple calisthenics, push-ups, and sit-ups,
and from working with weights
...
If you're involved in physical labor or athletic activities, increased strength will
improve your skill
...

I was in a gym one time with a friend of mine who has a Ph
...
in exercise physiology
...
He asked me to "spot" him while he did some bench presses and told
me at a certain point he'd ask me to take the weight
...

So I watched and waited and prepared to take the weight
...
And I could see it begin to get harder
...
He would start to push it up and
I'd think, "There's no way he's going to make it
...
Then he'd slowly bring it back
down and start back up again
...

Finally, as I looked at his face, straining with the effort, his blood vessels practically jumping out of
his skin, I thought, "This is going to fall and collapse his chest
...

Maybe he's lost control and he doesn't even know what he's doing
...
Then

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

he'd start back up again
...
"I'm trying to
build strength
...
Then nature overcompensates and within 48 hours, the fiber is made stronger
...
It's the same principle that works with emotional muscles as well, such as
patience
...

Now my friend wanted to build muscular strength
...
But not all of us
need to develop that kind of strength to be effective
...

The essence of renewing the physical dimension is to sharpen the saw, to exercise our bodies on a
regular basis in a way that will preserve and enhance our capacity to work and adapt and enjoy
...
There's a tendency, especially if you
haven't been exercising at all, to overdo
...
It's best to start slowly
...

If you haven't been exercising, your body will undoubtedly protest this change in its comfortable
downhill direction
...
You may even hate it
...
Do it
anyway
...
"Oh good! It's
raining! I get to develop my willpower as well as my body!"
You're not dealing with quick fix; you're dealing with a Quadrant II activity that will bring
phenomenal long-term results
...
Little by little, your resting
pulse rate will go down as your heart and oxygen processing system becomes more efficient
...
You'll have more afternoon energy, and the fatigue you've felt that's made
you "too tired" to exercise in the past will be replaced by an energy that will invigorate everything you
do
...
As you act based on the value of physical well-being instead of
reacting to all the forces that keep you from exercising, your paradigm of yourself, your self-esteem,
your self-confidence, and your integrity will be profoundly affected
...
It's highly related to Habit 2
...
It's a
very private area of life and a supremely important one
...
And people do it very, very differently
...
As I read and meditate, I feel renewed, strengthened, centered, and recommitted to serve
...

There are others who find it in the way they communicate with nature
...
When you're able to leave the noise and the discord
of the city and give yourself up to the harmony and rhythm of nature, you come back renewed
...

Arthur Gordon shares a wonderful, intimate story of his own spiritual renewal in a little story called
"The Turn of the Tide
...
His enthusiasm waned; his writing efforts were fruitless
...

Finally, he determined to get help from a medical doctor
...

When Gordon replied that he could, the doctor told him to spend the following day in the place
where he was happiest as a child
...
He then wrote out four prescriptions and told him to open one at nine,
twelve, three, and six o'clock
...

"You won't think I'm joking when you get my bill!" was the reply
...
As he opened the first prescription, he read
"Listen carefully
...
How could he listen for three hours? But he had
agreed to follow the doctor's orders, so he listened
...

After a while, he could hear the other sounds that weren't so apparent at first
...
He began to listen to the sounds -- and the silence -- and to feel a growing
peace
...
" "Reaching back to what?"
he wondered
...
He thought about his past,
about the many little moments of joy
...
And in
remembering, he found a growing warmth inside
...
Until now, the prescriptions had been easy to
take
...
" At first he was defensive
...
But then the
thought occurred to him that those motives weren't good enough, and that perhaps therein was the
answer to his stagnant situation
...
He thought about past happiness
...

"In a flash of certainty," he wrote, "I saw that if one's motives are wrong, nothing can be right
...
As long as you feel you are serving others, you do the job well
...
"
When six o'clock came, the final prescription didn't take long to fill
...
He knelt and wrote several words with a piece of broken shell; then he turned and
walked away
...

Spiritual renewal takes an investment of time
...

The great reformer Martin Luther is quoted as saying, "I have so much to do today, I'll need to spend
another hour on my knees
...

Someone once inquired of a Far Eastern Zen master, who had a great serenity and peace about him
no matter what pressures he faced, "How do you maintain that serenity and peace?" He replied, "I never
leave my place of meditation
...

The idea is that when we take time to draw on the leadership center of our lives, what life is
ultimately all about, it spreads like an umbrella over everything else
...

This is why I believe a personal mission statement is so important
...
In our
daily spiritual renewal, we can visualize and "live out" the events of the day in harmony with those
values
...
McKay taught, "The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the
silent chambers of the soul
...
And you'll find that the Public
Victories -- where you tend to think cooperatively, to promote the welfare and good of other people,
and to be genuinely happy for other people's successes -- will follow naturally
...
But as
soon as we leave the external discipline of school, many of us let our minds atrophy
...
Instead, we spend our time watching TV
...
That's
as much time as many people put into their jobs, more than most put into school
...
And when we watch, we're subject to all the values that are
being taught through it
...

Wisdom in watching television requires the effective self-management of Habit 3, which enables you
to discriminate and to select the informing, inspiring, and entertaining programs which best serve and
express your purpose and values
...
We had a family council at which we talked about it and looked at some of the data
regarding what's happening in homes because of television
...

I'm grateful for television and for the many high-quality educational and entertainment programs
...
But there are many
programs that simply waste our time and minds and many that influence us in negative ways if we let
them
...
We need to practice Habit 3 and
manage ourselves effectively to maximize the use of any resource in accomplishing our missions
...
Sometimes that involves the external discipline of the classroom or systematized study
programs; more often it does not
...

It is extremely valuable to train the mind to stand apart and examine its own program
...
Training, without such education, narrows and closes
the mind so that the assumptions underlying the training are never examined
...

There's no better way to inform and expand your mind on a regular basis than to get into the habit
of reading good literature
...
You can get into the
best minds that are now or that have ever been in the world
...
"The person who doesn't read is
no better off than the person who can't read
...
If we use our own autobiography to make early judgments before
we really understand what an author has to say, we limit the benefits of the reading experience
...
Keeping a journal of our thoughts,
experiences, insights, and learnings promotes mental clarity, exactness, and context
...

Organizing and planning represent other forms of mental renewal associated with Habits 2 and 3
...
It's
exercising the visualizing, imagining power of your mind to see the end from the beginning and to see
the entire journey, at least in principles, if not in steps
...
Sharpening the saw in the first three dimensions -the physical, the spiritual, and the mental -- is a practice I call the "Daily Private Victory
...

There's no other way you could spend an hour that would begin to compare with the Daily Private
Victory in terms of value and results
...
It will greatly
improve the quality, the effectiveness, of every other hour of the day, including the depth and
restfulness of your sleep
...

In the words of Phillips Brooks:
Some day, in the years to come, you will be wrestling with the great temptation, or trembling under
the great sorrow of your life
...
Now it is being decided whether, in
the day of your supreme sorrow or temptation, you shall miserably fail or gloriously conquer
...

The Social/Emotional Dimension
While the physical, spiritual, and mental dimensions are closely related to Habits 1, 2, and 3 -centered on the principles of personal vision, leadership, and management -- the social/emotional
dimension focuses on Habits 4, 5, and 6 -- centered on the principles of interpersonal leadership,
empathic communication, and creative cooperation
...

Renewing our social/emotional dimension does not take time in the same sense that renewing the
other dimensions does
...
But it
definitely requires exercise
...

Suppose that you are a key person in my life
...
Suppose we need to communicate together, to work together,
to discuss a jugular issue, to accomplish a purpose or solve a problem
...
You see the young lady, and I see the old woman
...
I come to you and I say, "I can see that we're approaching this situation
differently
...

Would you be willing to do that?" Most people would be willing to say "yes" to that
...
"Let me listen to you first
...
When I can explain your
point of view as well as you can, then I focus on communicating my point of view to you so that you
can understand it as well
...
We work together to produce Third
Alternative solutions to our differences that we both recognize are better than the ones either you or I
proposed initially
...

It's highly related to our sense of personal security
...
If we are emotionally insecure, even though we may be intellectually very
advanced, practicing Habits 4, 5, and 6 with people who think differently on jugular issues of life can be
terribly threatening
...
It
doesn't come from our circumstances or our position
...
It comes from accurate paradigms and correct principles deep in our own
mind and heart
...

I believe that a life of integrity is the most fundamental source of personal worth
...

Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with true principles and values and in no other
way
...
There is
security in knowing that win-win solutions do exist, that life is not always "either/or," that there are
almost always mutually beneficial Third Alternatives
...
There is security that comes when you authentically, creatively, and cooperatively
interact with other people and really experience these interdependent habits
...

One important source is your work, when you see yourself in a contributive and creative mode, really
making a difference
...
And that's not the concern; the concern is blessing the lives of other people
...

Viktor Frankl focused on the need for meaning and purpose in our lives, something that transcends
our own lives and taps the best energies within us
...
Hans Selye, in his monumental
research on stress, basically says that a long, healthy, and happy life is the result of making
contributions, of having meaningful projects that are personally exciting and contribute to and bless the
lives of others
...

This is the true joy in life -- that being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one
...
I am of the opinion that my
life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can
...
For the harder I work the more I live
...
Life is no brief candle to me
...

N
...
" And
there are so many ways to serve
...

Scripting Others
Most people are a function of the social mirror, scripted by the opinions, the perceptions, the
paradigms of the people around them
...

We can choose to reflect back to others a clear, undistorted vision of themselves
...
We can help script them as
principle-centered, value-based, independent, worthwhile individuals
...
It increases us
because it increases the opportunities for effective interaction with other proactive people
...
He or she scripted you
...

What if you were a positive scripter, an affirmer, of other people? When they're being directed by
the social mirror to take the lower path, you inspire them toward a higher path because you believe in
them
...
You don't absolve them of responsibility; you
encourage them to be proactive
...
It's a beautiful story about a
medieval knight who meets a woman of the street, a prostitute
...

But this poet knight sees something else in her, something beautiful and lovely
...
He gives her a new name -- Dulcinea -- a new name
associated with a new paradigm
...
She writes him off as a wild-eyed
fantasizer
...
He makes continual deposits of unconditional love and gradually it
penetrates her scripting
...

Little by little, she begins to change her life-style
...

Later, when she begins to revert to her old paradigm, he calls her to his deathbed and sings that
beautiful song, "The Impossible Dream," looks her in the eyes, and whispers, "Never forget, you're
Dulcinea
...
In academic terms, it labeled a class of "bright" kids "dumb" and
a class of supposedly "dumb" kids "bright
...

When the administration finally discovered the mistake five-and-a-half months later, they decided
to test the kids again without telling anyone what had happened
...
The
"bright" kids had gone down significantly in IQ test points
...
The teachers' paradigms had become a
self-fulfilling prophecy
...
The teachers had treated them as
though they were bright, and their energy, their hope, their optimism, their excitement had reflected
high individual expectations and worth for those kids
...
"For some
reason, our methods weren't working," they replied
...
" The
information showed that the kids were bright
...
So they worked on methods
...
Apparent learner disability was nothing more or less than teacher inflexibility
...
The more we
can see people in terms of their unseen potential, the more we can use our imagination rather than our
memory, with our spouse, our children, our co-workers or employees
...
We can help them become
independent, fulfilled people capable of deeply satisfying, enriching, and productive relationships with
others
...
Treat a man as he can and should
be and he will become as he can and should be
...

Although renewal in each dimension is important, it only becomes optimally effective as we deal
with all four dimensions in a wise and balanced way
...

I have found this to be true in organizations as well as in individual lives
...
The mental or psychological dimension deals
with the recognition, development, and use of talent
...

When an organization neglects any one or more of these areas, it negatively impacts the entire
organization
...

I have found organizations whose only thrust is economic -- to make money
...
They sometimes even publicize something else
...

Whenever I find this, I also find a great deal of negative synergy in the culture, generating such
things as interdepartmental rivalries, defensive and protective communication, politicking, and
masterminding
...
We can't live without eating, but we don't live to eat
...
They are, in a sense, some kind of social experiment and they have no
economic criteria to their value system
...

I have found many organizations that develop as many as three of the dimensions -- they may have
good service criteria, good economic criteria, and good human-relations criteria, but they are not really
committed to identifying, developing, utilizing, and recognizing the talent of people
...

Organizational as well as individual effectiveness requires development and renewal of all four
dimensions in a wise and balanced way
...
Organizations and individuals that give
recognition to each of these four dimensions in their mission statement provide a powerful framework
for balanced renewal
...

Synergy in Renewal
Balanced renewal is optimally synergetic
...
Your
physical health affects your mental health; your spiritual strength affects your social/emotional
strength
...

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People create optimum synergy among these dimensions
...
And although
the habits are sequential, improvement in one habit synergetically increases your ability to live the rest
...
The more effectively you manage your life (Habit 3),
the more Quadrant II renewing activities you can do (Habit 7)
...
The more
you improve in any of the habits that lead to independence (Habits 1, 2, and 3), the more effective you
will be in interdependent situations (Habits 4, 5, and 6)
...

As you renew your physical dimension, you reinforce your personal vision (Habit 1), the paradigm
of your own self-awareness and free will, of proactivity, of knowing that you are free to act instead of
being acted upon, to choose your own response to any stimulus
...
Each Daily Private Victory makes a deposit in your personal intrinsic security
account
...
You
increase your ability to live out of your imagination and conscience instead of only your memory, to
deeply understand your innermost paradigms and values, to create within yourself a center of correct
principles, to define your own unique mission in life, to rescript yourself to live your life in harmony
with correct principles and to draw upon your personal sources of strength
...

As you renew your mental dimension, you reinforce your personal management (Habit 3)
...
As you become involved in continuing education, you increase your
knowledge base and you increase your options
...
That's true financial
independence
...
It's intrinsic
...
It is the Quadrant II focus time necessary to integrate these habits into your life, to
become principle-centered
...
It's the source of intrinsic security you need to
sharpen the saw in the social/emotional dimension
...
It gives
you the foundation to work for genuine understanding and for synergetic win-win solutions, to practice
Habits 4, 5, and 6 in an interdependent reality
...

To make meaningful and consistent progress along that spiral, we need to consider one other aspect
of renewal as it applies to the unique human endowment that directs this upward movement -- our
conscience
...
"
Conscience is the endowment that senses our congruence or disparity with correct principles and
lifts us toward them -- when it's in shape
Just as the education of nerve and sinew is vital to the excellent athlete and education of the mind is
vital to the scholar, education of the conscience is vital to the truly proactive, highly effective person
...
It requires regular feasting on inspiring literature, thinking
noble thoughts and, above all, living in harmony with its still small voice
Just as junk food and lack of exercise can ruin an athlete's condition, those things that are obscene,
crude, or pornographic can breed an inner darkness that numbs our higher sensibilities and substitutes
the social conscience of "Will I be found out?" for the natural or divine conscience of "What is right and
wrong?"
In the words of Dag Hammarskjold,
You cannot play with the animal in you without becoming wholly animal, play with falsehood
without forfeiting your right to truth, play with cruelty without losing your sensitivity of mind
...

Once we are self-aware, we must choose purposes and principles to live by; otherwise the vacuum
will be filled, and we will lose our self-awareness and become like groveling animals who live primarily
for survival and propagation
...
" They
are reacting, unaware of the unique endowments that lie dormant and undeveloped within
...
The Law of the Harvest governs; we will always reap
what we sow -- no more, no less
...

I believe that as we grow and develop on this upward spiral, we must show diligence in the process
of renewal by educating and obeying our conscience
...

Moving along the upward spiral requires us to learn, commit, and do on increasingly higher planes
...
To keep progressing, we must
learn, commit, and do -- learn, commit, and do -- and learn, commit, and do again
...
Make a list of activities that would help you keep in good physical shape, that would fit your
life-style and that you could enjoy over time
...
Select one of the activities and list it as a goal in your personal role area for the coming week
...
If you didn't make your goal, was it because you
subordinated it to a genuinely higher value? Or did you fail to act with integrity to your values
...
Make a similar list of renewing activities in your spiritual and mental dimensions
...
Select one item in each area to list as a goal for the
week
...

4
...


Inside-Out Again
The Lord works from the inside out
...
The world would take
people out of the slums
...
The world would mold men by changing their environment
...
The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human
nature
...
In
doing so, it is my hope that you will relate to the underlying principles it contains
...
We lived for a full year in Laie on the north shore of Oahu, Hawaii
...

After an early morning run on the beach, we would send two of our children, barefoot and in shorts,
to school
...

It was very quiet, very beautiful, very serene -- no phone, no meetings, no pressing engagements
...
As I opened it, my
eyes fell upon a single paragraph that powerfully influenced the rest of my life
...
It basically contained the simple idea that there is a gap
or a space between stimulus and response, and that the key to both our growth and happiness is how
we use that space
...
Though I had been nurtured in the
philosophy of self-determinism, the way the idea was phrased -- "a gap between stimulus and response"
-- hit me with fresh, almost unbelievable force
...
"
I reflected on it again and again, and it began to have a powerful effect on my paradigm of life
...
I began to stand in that gap and to look
outside at the stimuli
...

Shortly thereafter, and partly as a result of this "revolutionary" idea, Sandra and I began a practice of

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

deep communication
...
We rode slowly along for about an hour, just talking
...
We seldom saw another
vehicle, and the cycle was so quiet we could easily hear each other
...

The sandy beach and a freshwater river coming off the island totally absorbed the interest of the
children, so Sandra and I were able to continue our talks uninterrupted
...

At the very first of the year, we talked about all kinds of interesting topics -- people, ideas, events,
the children, my writing, our family at home, future plans, and so forth
...
As we were deeply immersed in these
communications, we also observed them and observed ourselves in them
...

We began an exciting adventure into our interior worlds and found it to be more exciting, more
fascinating, more absorbing, more compelling, more filled with discovery and insight than anything
we'd even known in the outside world
...
" We occasionally hit some raw nerves and had some painful
experiences, embarrassing experiences, self-revealing experiences -- experiences that made us extremely
open and vulnerable to each other
...
When we did go into the deeper, more tender issues and then came out of them, we felt in some
way healed
...

We gradually evolved two unspoken ground rules
...
" As soon as we
unfolded the inner layers of vulnerability, we were not to question each other, only to empathize
...
It was also too controlling and too logical
...
We wanted to cover
more and more of it, but we grew to respect the need to let each other open up in our own time
...
Then we would either begin the next day where we left off or wait until the person who
was sharing felt ready to continue
...
But because we had the time and the environment conducive to it, and because we were so
excited to observe our own involvement and to grow within our marriage, we simply knew that sooner
or later we would deal with all those loose ends and bring them to some kind of closure
...
Then, because of our subjective involvement, we
found that the space between stimulus and response was no longer there
...

But our deep desire and our implicit agreement was to prepare ourselves to start where we left off and
deal with those feelings until we resolved them
...
My father was a
very private individual -- very controlled and very careful
...
I find both sets of tendencies in me, and when I feel insecure, I tend to
become private, like my father
...


THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

Sandra is more like my mother -- social, authentic, and spontaneous
...
All of this and much more came out during those deep visits
...

Another of those difficult times had to do with what I perceived to be a "hang up" Sandra had which
had bothered me for years
...
She would not even consider buying another brand of appliance
...

This was a matter of considerable agitation to me
...
But when it did come up, it was like a stimulus that triggered off a hot
button response
...

I usually resorted to my dysfunctional private behavior
...
There were times when I did slip and say something negative, and I had to go back and
apologize
...
If she had only agreed that her response was irrational and purely emotional, I think I
could have handled it
...

It was sometime in early spring when the Frigidaire issue came up
...
The ground rules had been deeply established -- not to probe and to leave it alone if
it got to be too painful for either or both
...
We didn't end up on the beach that day; we just
continued to ride through the canefields, perhaps because we didn't want to look each other in the eye
...
It had never been so critical as to rupture the relationship, but when
you're trying to cultivate a beautiful unified relationship, any divisive issue is important
...
It was truly synergistic
...

She started to talk about her father, about how he had worked as a high school history teacher and
coach for years, and how, to help make ends meet, he had gone into the appliance business
...

Sandra had an unusually deep and sweet relationship with her father
...

It was a beautiful time they enjoyed together almost daily for years
...

This communication between father and daughter had taken place in a spontaneous way during
very natural time, when the most powerful kind of scripting takes place
...

Perhaps Sandra had forgotten about all of this until the safety of that year of communication when it
could come out also in very natural and spontaneous ways
...
I also gained insight and a whole new level of respect
...

I remember both of us becoming tearful on that day, not so much because of the insights, but
because of the increased sense of reverence we had for each other
...
To deal only with the superficial trivia
without seeing the deeper, more tender issues is to trample on the sacred ground of another's heart
...
Our communication became so powerful that we
could almost instantly connect with each other's thoughts
...
During the many years since, we have continued to go regularly on our Honda
trail cycle, or in the car if the weather's bad, just to talk
...
We try to communicate with each other several times every day, even
when I'm traveling
...

Thomas Wolfe was wrong
...

Intergenerational Living
As Sandra and I discovered that wonderful year, the ability to use wisely the gap between stimulus
and response, to exercise the four unique endowments of our human nature, empowered us from the
Inside-Out
...
We loved each other, and we had attempted to work
through our differences by controlling our attitudes and our behaviors, by practicing useful techniques
of human interaction
...
Until we worked and
communicated on the level of our essential paradigms, the chronic underlying problems were still there
...
The delicious fruits -- a rich win-win relationship, a deep
understanding of each other, and a marvelous synergy -- grew out of the roots we nurtured as we
examined our programs, rescripted ourselves, and managed our lives so that we could create time for
the important Quadrant II activity of communicating deeply with each other
...
We were able to see on a much deeper level that, just as powerfully as
our own lives had been affected by our parents, the lives of our children were being influenced and
shaped by us, often in ways we didn't even begin to realize
...

I have drawn particular attention in this book to those scripts we have been given which we
proactively want to change
...
Real self-awareness helps us to appreciate those scripts and to appreciate those who have
gone before us and nurtured us in principle-based living, mirroring back to us not only what we are,
but what we can become
...
An effectively interdependent
family of children, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins can be a powerful force in helping
people have a sense of who they are and where they came from and what they stand for
...
And that can be a
tremendous benefit as you nurture your family
...

Grandparents who show a great interest in their grandchildren are among the most precious people
on this earth
...
Even
now, in her late 80s, she takes a deep personal interest in every one of her descendants
...
I was reading one the other day on a plane with tears streaming down my cheeks
...
" She's constantly reaffirming
...
And many people feel the importance of that relationship
...
Each of us has roots and the ability to trace those
roots, to identify our ancestors
...
As someone once observed, "There are only two lasting
bequests we can give our children -- one is roots, the other wings
...
I believe it
means becoming what my friend and associate, Dr
...
Instead
of transferring those scripts to the next generation, we can change them
...

Yet there's plenty of evidence to indicate that you will tend to live out that script
...
You can choose not only not to abuse your children, but to affirm
them, to script them in positive ways
...
You can
visualize yourself living in harmony with that mission statement in your Daily Private Victory
...

A tendency that's run through your family for generations can stop with you
...
And your own change can affect many, many lives
downstream
...
Sadat stood between a past that had created a "huge
wall of suspicion, fear, hate and misunderstanding" between Arabs and Israelis, and a future in which
increased conflict and isolation seemed inevitable
...

While others attempted to resolve the tense situation by hacking at the leaves, Sadat drew upon his
earlier centering experience in a lonely prison cell and went to work on the root
...

He records in his autobiography:
It was then that I drew, almost unconsciously, on the inner strength I had developed in Cell 54 of
Cairo Central Prison -- a strength, call it a talent or capacity, for change
...
My contemplation of life and human nature in that secluded
place had taught me that he who cannot change the very fabric of his thought will never be able to
change reality, and will never, therefore, make any progress
...
It doesn't come from hacking at the leaves of
attitude and behavior with quick-fix personality ethic techniques
...
In the words of Amiel:
Moral truth can be conceived in thought
...
One can will to live it
...
Deeper
even than consciousness there is our being itself -- our very substance, our nature
...
So long as we are able to distinguish any space whatever between
Truth and us we remain outside it
...
To become divine is then the aim of life
...
It is no longer outside us, nor in a sense even in us, but we are it, and it
is we
...
Most of us have tasted
this fruit of true unity from time to time in the past, as we have also tasted the bitter, lonely fruit of
disunity -- and we know how precious and fragile unity is
...
It isn't quick fix
...
It begins with the desire to center our lives on correct principles, to break out of
the paradigms created by other centers and the comfort zones of unworthy habits
...
But if we start with the Daily Private Victory and
work from the Inside-Out, the results will surely come
...

Again, I quote Emerson: "That which we persist in doing becomes easier -- not that the nature of the
task has changed, but our ability to do has increased
...
for ourselves, and for our posterity
...
I believe that correct principles are natural laws, and that God,
the Creator and Father of us all, is the source of them, and also the source of our conscience
...

I believe that there are parts to human nature that cannot be reached by either legislation or
education, but require the power of God to deal with
...
To the degree to which we align ourselves with correct principles, divine
endowments will be released within our nature in enabling us to fulfill the measure of our creation
...
We are
spiritual beings having a human experience
...
But the struggle is worthwhile
and fulfilling
...

Again, T
...
Eliot expresses so beautifully my own personal discovery and conviction: "We must
not cease from exploration
...
"

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Appendix
Appendix A
Possible Perceptions Flowing out of Various Center
These are alternative ways you may tend to perceive other areas of your lif
*
*
If your center is Spouse
...

FAMILY: Good in its place
...
A common project
...

WORK: Necessary to earn money to care for spouse
...

*
*
If your center is Family
...

FAMILY: The highest priority
...

WORK: A means to an end
...

*
*
If your center is Money
...

FAMILY: Economic drain
...

WORK: Necessary to the acquisition of money
...

*
*
If your center is Work
...

FAMILY: Help or interruption to work
...

MONEY: Of secondary importance
...

WORK: Main source of fulfillment and satisfaction
...

POSSESSIONS: Tools to increase work effectiveness
...

*
*
If your center is Possessions
...
Assistant in acquiring possessions
...
Showcase
...
Another possession to control
...

POSSESSIONS: Status symbols
...

SPOUSE: Companion in fun and pleasure or obstacle to it
...

MONEY: Means to increase opportunities for pleasure
...
"Fun" work OK
...
Means to more fun
...

SPOUSE: Possible friend or possible competitor
...

FAMILY: Friends or obstacle to developing friendships
...

WORK: Social opportunity
...
Means of entertaining or providing social pleasure
...


PLEASURE: Mutual, unifying activity or unimportant
...
Only friends are "our" friends
...


CHURCH: Activity to enjoy together
...


SELF: Self-worth is spouse based
...


PRINCIPLES: ideas which create and maintain relationship with spouse
...

PLEASURE: Family activities or relatively unimportant
...
Threat to strong family life
...
Source of family strength and unity
...

CHURCH: Source of help
...
Subordinate to family
...

*
*

If your center is Money
...


FRIENDS: Chosen because of economic status or influence
...
Threat to economic security
...
Hand in your pocket
...


PRINCIPLES: Ways that work in making and managing money
...

PLEASURE: Waste of time
...

FRIENDS: Developed from work setting or shared interest
...

ENEMIES: Obstacles to work productivity
...
Imposition on your time
...

SELF: Defined by job role
...
Need to adapt to work conditions
...


PLEASURE: Buying, shopping, joining clubs
...
Usable
...
Others with more possessions or recognition
...
Source of unfair criticism or good things in life
...
Defined by social status, recognition
...


*
*

If your center is Pleasure
...


FRIENDS: Companions in fun
...
Guilt trippers, destroyers
...
Guilt trip
...


PRINCIPLES: Natural drives and instincts which need to be satisfied
...

PLEASURE: Enjoyed always with friends
...

FRIENDS: Critical to personal happiness
...

ENEMIES: Outside the social circle
...

CHURCH: Place for social gathering
...
Afraid of embarrassment or rejection
...

*
*

This is the way you may tend to perceive other areas of your life
...

FRIEND OR PLEASURE: Rest and relaxation time before the next battle
...
Possibly defined by common
enemy
...
Source of personal problems
...

CHURCH: Source of self-justification
...
Immobilized by enemy
...
Source of your enemy's wrongness
...

FRIEND OR PLEASURE: "Innocent" pleasures as an opportunity to gather with other church
members
...

ENEMY OR FRIENDS: Other members of the church
...

CHURCH: Highest priority
...

SELF: Self-worth is determined by activity in the church, contributions to the church, or performance
of deeds that reflect the church ethic
...
Subordinate to the church
...


FRIEND OR PLEASURE: Deserved sensate satisfactions
...
" "My needs
...


ENEMIES: Source of self-definition, self-justification
...



THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

SELF: Better, smarter, more right
...

PRINCIPLES: Source of justification
...

*
*
If your center is Principles
...
True re-creation
as an important part of a balanced integrated life-style
...
Confidants -- those to share with,
serve, and support
...

CHURCH: Vehicle for true principles
...

SELF: One unique, talented, creative individual in the midst of many unique, talented, creative
individuals who, working independently and interdependently, can accomplish great things
...
When honored,
preserve integrity and thus lead to true growth and happiness
...

Suppose that you are the director of marketing for a major pharmaceutical firm
...

Your unprioritized list includes the following:
1
...

2
...

3
...

4
...

5
...

6
...

7
...

8
...

9
...

10
...
M
...

Take a few minutes now and use what you have learned from Habits 1, 2, and 3 that might help you
to effectively schedule your day
...
But you will be able to see the power of
Quadrant II, principle-centered paradigm even in the context of one nine-hour period of time
It is fairly obvious that most of the items on the list are Quadrant I activities
...

If you were a third-generation time manager, using prioritized values and goals, you would have a
framework for making such scheduling decisions and would perhaps assign a letter such as A, B, or C
next to each item and then number 1, 2, 3 under each A, B, and C
...
Finally, based on all of these factors, you would schedule the day
...

They schedule when they will do what, and based on various assumptions which are made and
explicitly identified, they would accomplish or at least begin most of the items in that day and push the
remainder onto the next day or to some other time
...
M
...
They usually
plan to spend the next hour or two talking to the sales manager, handling those correspondence items
which are most important and urgent, and checking out the rumor regarding the last batch of product X
which apparently didn't pass quality control
...
M
...

After lunch, the afternoon is usually spent attending to the unfinished matters just mentioned
and/or attempting to finish the other most important and urgent correspondence, making some
headway into the overflowing "IN" basket, and handling other important and urgent items that may
have come up during the course of the day
...
Both of those are obviously more Quadrant II activities, having to do with
long-term thinking and planning
...

What approach did you take as you scheduled those items? Was it similar to the third-generation
approach? Or did you take a Quadrant II, fourth-generation approach? (refer to the Time Management
Matrix on page 151)
...
This is only one possible
scenario; others could be created, which may also be consistent with the Quadrant II paradigm, but this
is illustrative of the kind of thinking it embodies
...
You would know that the only way to make Quadrant I manageable
is to give considerable attention to Quadrant II, primarily by working on prevention and opportunity
and by having the courage to say "no" to Quadrants III and IV
...
M
...
We will assume the 2 P
...
executive board meeting did not have an
agenda for the attending executives, or perhaps you would not see the agenda until you arrived at the
meeting
...
As a result, people tend to come unprepared and to "shoot from the
hip
...
These
meetings generally result in wasted time and inferior results and are often little more than an ego trip

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

for the executive in charge
...
" Because "work
expands to fill the time allotted for its completion" in accordance with Parkinson's Law, there usually
isn't time to discuss them
...

So you might move into Quadrant II by first attempting to get yourself on the agenda so that you
can make a presentation regarding how to optimize the value of executive board meetings
...
This presentation would focus on the importance of always having a clearly specified
purpose for each meeting and a well-thought-out agenda to which each person at the meeting has had
the opportunity to contribute
...

The presentation would also stress the importance of having minutes sent out immediately
following the meeting, specifying assignments given and dates of accountability
...

Now this is what might be done by looking at one item on the schedule -- the 2 P
...
executive
board meeting -- through a Quadrant II frame of reference
...
It also requires consideration in order to avoid the kind of crisis atmosphere that often
surrounds a board meeting
...

Returning the FDA call
...
This
might be difficult to delegate, since another organization is involved that may have a Quadrant I culture
and an individual who wants you, and not some delegatee, to respond
...
If you find the nature of the problem uncovered
in the phone call is persistent or chronic, then you may approach it from a Quadrant II mentality in an
effort to prevent such problems in the future
...

Lunch with the general manager
...
This
may also take 30 to 60 minutes in the morning to adequately prepare for, or you may simply decide to
have a good social interaction and listen carefully, perhaps without any plan at all
...

Preparing the media budget
...
This may take a full hour sometime during the day -- to go over
desired results, guidelines, resources, accountability, and consequences
...
If you haven't

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

taken this approach before, you may need to spend more time to train them in what this approach
involves, what "completed staff work" means, how to synergize around differences and what
identifying alternative options and consequences involves
...
Instead of diving into the "IN" basket, you would spend some
time, perhaps 30 to 60 minutes, beginning a training process with your secretary so that he or she could
gradually become empowered to handle the "IN" basket as well as the correspondence under item
number five
...

Your secretary could be trained to go through all correspondence items and all "IN" basket items, to
analyze them and to handle as many as possible
...
In this way, within a few months your secretary or executive assistant could hand 80 to 90
percent of all the "IN" basket items and correspondence, often much better than you could handle them
yourself, simply because your mind is so focused on Quadrant II opportunities instead of buried in
Quadrant I problems
...
A possible Quadrant II approach to item number four
would be to think through the entire relationship and performance agreement with that sales manager
to see if the Quadrant II approach is being used
...

Possibly you could train your secretary to handle the matter without your involvement and bring to
your attention only that which you need to be aware of
...
They can begin to understand that they can actually solve the
problem better with your secretary than with you, and free you for Quadrant II leadership activity
...

Catching up on medical journals
...
But your own long-term professional competence and confidence may largely be a
function of staying abreast of this literature
...
Members of the staff could study different journals and teach the
rest the essence of what they learn at future staff meetings
...

Preparing for next month's sales meeting
...
You could assign them to bring a completed
staff work recommendation to you be a specified date within a week or 10 days, giving you enough
time to adapt it and have it implemented
...

Rather than prepare the sales meeting yourself, you could delegate that task to a small group of
people who represent different points of view and different kinds of sales problems
...
If they are not used to this
kind of assignment, you may spend some of that meeting challenging and training them, teaching them

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Brought to you by FlyHeart

why you are using this approach and how it will benefit them as well
...

Product "X" and quality control
...
The Quadrant II approach would be to study that problem to see if it has a
chronic or persistent dimension to it
...

The net effect of this Quadrant II day at the office is that you are spending most of your time
delegating, training, preparing a board presentation, making one phone call, and having a productive
lunch
...

As you go through this analysis, you may be thinking this approach seems idealistic
...
I admit it is idealistic
...
And to be
highly effective is an ideal to work toward
...
Even the best-laid plans in Quadrant II
sometimes aren't realized
...

Undoubtedly it will take considerable patience and persistence, and you may not be able to take a
Quadrant II approach to all or even most of these items at this time
...

Again, I acknowledge that in a family setting or a small business setting, such delegation may not be
possible
...

Sky, Land, River

---