Notesale: Turn your study into money

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First published by The Writer’s Coffee Shop, 2011
Copyright © E L James, 2011
The right of E L James to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her under the
Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000
This work is copyright
...

This book is a work of fiction
...
Any resemblance to actual people living or dead, events
or locales is entirely coincidental
...

Cover image by: © Papuga2006 | Dreamstime
...
thewriterscoffeeshop
...
Since early childhood,
she dreamt of writing stories that readers would fall in love with, but put those dreams on hold to
focus on her family and her career
...

E L James is currently working on the sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey and a new romantic thriller with
a supernatural twist
...

To my boss Lisa – thank you for putting up with me over the last year or so while I indulged in this

madness
...

To the original bunker babes – thank you for your friendship and constant support
...

To Sue – thanks for sorting me out
...


I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror
...
I should be studying for my final
exams, which are next week, yet here I am trying to brush my hair into submission
...
I must not sleep with it wet
...
I roll my eyes in exasperation and gaze at the pale, brown-haired
girl with blue eyes too big for her face staring back at me, and give up
...

Kate is my roommate, and she has chosen today of all days to succumb to the flu
...
So I have been volunteered
...
As an exceptional entrepreneur and major benefactor of our University, his
time is extraordinarily precious
– much more precious than mine – but he has granted Kate an interview
...

Damn her extra-curricular activities
...


“Ana, I’m sorry
...
It will take another six to reschedule,
and we’ll both have graduated by then
...
Please,” Kate begs me in
her rasping, sore throat voice
...
I ignore my pang of
unwelcome sympathy
...
You should get back to bed
...
Here are the questions and my mini-disc recorder
...
Make notes,
I’ll transcribe it all
...

“The questions will see you through
...
It’s a long drive
...
”
“Okay, I’m going
...
I made you some soup to heat up later
...
Only
for you, Kate, would I do this
...
Good luck
...
”
Gathering my satchel, I smile wryly at her, then head out the door to the car
...
But then Kate can talk anyone into anything
...
She’s articulate, strong, persuasive, argumentative, beautiful –
and she’s my dearest, dearest friend
...
It’s early, and I
don’t have to be in Seattle until two this afternoon
...
I’m not sure Wanda, my old VW Beetle, would make the journey in time
...

My destination is the headquarters of Mr
...
It’s a huge twenty-story office
building, all curved glass and steel, an architect’s utilitarian fantasy, with Grey House written
discreetly in steel over the glass front doors
...

Behind the solid sandstone desk, a very attractive, groomed, blonde young woman smiles pleasantly at
me
...
She looks
immaculate
...
Grey
...
”
“Excuse me one moment, Miss Steele
...
I am beginning to wish I’d borrowed one of Kate’s formal blazers rather than wear my
navy blue jacket
...
For me, this is smart
...


“Miss Kavanagh is expected
...
You’ll want the last elevator on the
right, press for the twentieth floor
...

She hands me a security pass that has VISITOR very firmly stamped on the front
...
Surely it’s obvious that I’m just visiting
...

Nothing changes, I inwardly sigh
...

The elevator whisks me with terminal velocity to the twentieth floor
...
I’m confronted by another desk of
sandstone and another young blonde woman dressed impeccably in black and white who rises to greet
me
...

Behind the leather chairs is a spacious glass-walled meeting room with an equally spacious dark wood
table and at least twenty matching chairs around it
...
It’s a stunning
vista, and I’m momentarily paralyzed by the view
...

I sit down, fish the questions from my satchel, and go through them, inwardly curs-ing Kate for not
providing me with a brief biography
...
He could
be ninety or he could be thirty
...

I’ve never been comfortable with one-on-one interviews, preferring the anonymity of a group
discussion where I can sit inconspicuously at the back of the room
...
Not sitting
twitching nervously in a colos-sal glass and stone edifice
...
Get a grip, Steele
...

Another elegant, flawlessly dressed blonde comes out of a large door to the right
...
Taking a deep breath, I stand up
...

“Yes,” I croak, and clear my throat
...
” There, that sounded more confident
...
Grey will see you in a moment
...
” I struggle out of the jacket
...
” Oh dear, is Blonde Number One in trouble?
Blonde Number Two frowns and eyes the young woman at the desk
...


“A glass of water
...

“Olivia, please fetch Miss Steele a glass of water
...
Olivia scoots up immediately
and scurries to a door on the other side of the foyer
...
Please be seated
...
Grey will be another five
minutes
...

“Here you go, Miss Steele
...
”
Blonde Number Two marches over to the large desk, her heels clicking and echoing on the sandstone
floor
...

Perhaps Mr
...
I’m wondering idly if that’s legal, when
the office door opens and a tall, elegantly dressed, attractive African-American man with short dreads
exits
...

He turns and says through the door
...
”
I don’t hear the reply
...
Olivia has
jumped up and called the elevator
...
She’s more nervous
than me!
“Good afternoon ladies,” he says as he departs through the sliding door
...
Grey will see you now, Miss Steele
...

I stand rather shakily trying to suppress my nerves
...

“You don’t need to knock – just go in
...

I push open the door and stumble through, tripping over my own feet, and falling head first into the
office
...
Grey’s
office, and gentle hands are around me helping me to stand
...
I have to steel myself to glance up
...

“Miss Kavanagh
...
“I’m Christian Grey
...
He’s tall, dressed in a fine gray suit, white shirt, and black
tie with unruly dark copper colored hair and intense, bright gray eyes that regard me shrewdly
...


“Um
...
If this guy is over thirty then I’m a monkey’s uncle
...
As our fingers touch, I feel an odd exhilarating shiver run through me
...
Must be static
...

“Miss Kavanagh is indisposed, so she sent me
...
Grey
...
He looks mildly interested, but above all, polite
...
I’m studying English Literature with Kate, um… Katherine…
um… Miss Kavanagh at Washington State
...
I think I see the ghost of a smile in his expression, but I’m not sure
...

His office is way too big for just one man
...
It matches the coffee table by
the couch
...
They are exquisite – a series
of mundane, forgotten objects painted in such precise detail they look like photographs
...

“A local artist
...

“They’re lovely
...
He cocks his head to one side and regards me intently
...

Apart from the paintings, the rest of the office is cold, clean, and clinical
...
I
shake my head, disturbed at the direction of my thoughts, and retrieve Kate’s questions from my
satchel
...
Mr
...
When I pluck up the courage to look at him, he’s watching
me, one hand relaxed in his lap and the other cupping his chin and trailing his long index finger across
his lips
...

“Sorry,” I stutter
...
”
“Take all the time you need, Miss Steele,” he says
...
He’s teasing me? I hope
...
“No, I don’t mind
...
To appear in the graduation issue of the student newspaper as I shall be conferring the degrees at
this year’s graduation ceremony
...
I frown, dragging my wayward attention back to the task at hand
...
“I have some questions, Mr
...
” I smooth a stray lock of hair behind
my ear
...
He’s laughing at me
...
Pressing the start
button on the recorder, I try to look professional
...
To what do you owe your success?” I glance up
at him
...

“Business is all about people, Miss Steele, and I’m very good at judging people
...
I employ an
exceptional team, and I reward them well
...
“My belief is
to achieve success in any scheme one has to make oneself master of that scheme, know it inside and
out, know every detail
...
I make decisions based on logic and facts
...
The bottom
line is, it’s always down to good people
...
” This isn’t on Kate’s list – but he’s so arrogant
...

“I don’t subscribe to luck or chance, Miss Steele
...
It
really is all about having the right people on your team and directing their energies accordingly
...
’”
“You sound like a control freak
...
“Oh, I
exercise control in all things, Miss Steele,” he says without a trace of humor in his smile
...
My heartbeat quickens, and my face flushes again
...

“Besides, immense power is acquired by assuring yourself in your secret reveries that you were born
to control things,” he continues, his voice soft
...

“I employ over forty thousand people, Miss Steele
...
If I were to decide I was no longer interested in the telecommunications business
and sell up, twenty thousand people would struggle to make their mortgage payments after a month or
so
...
I am staggered by his lack of humility
...

“I own my company
...
” He raises an eyebrow at me
...
Of course, I would know this if I had done some research
...
I
change tack
...
” A ghost of a smile touches his lips
...
” And for
some reason, I’m confounded and heated by his steady gaze
...

“But if you work so hard, what do you do to chill out?”
“Chill out?” He smiles, revealing perfect white teeth
...
He really is beautiful
...

“Well, to ‘chill out’ as you put it – I sail, I fly, I indulge in various physical pursuits
...
“I’m a very wealthy man, Miss Steele, and I have expensive and absorbing
hobbies
...

“You invest in manufacturing
...
Why does he make me so uncomfortable?
“I like to build things
...
And I have a love of ships
...
”
His mouth quirks up, and he stares appraisingly at me
...
Though there are people who’d say I don’t have a heart
...
” His lip curls in a wry smile
...
It’s
not on Kate’s list
...
I go a long way to protect my privacy
...

“Why did you agree to do this one?”
“Because I’m a benefactor of the University, and for all intents and purposes, I couldn’t get Miss
Kavanagh off my back
...
”
I know how tenacious Kate can be
...

“You also invest in farming technologies
...
”
“That sounds very philanthropic
...

“It’s shrewd business,” he murmurs, though I think he’s being disingenuous
...
I glance
at the next question, confused by his attitude
...
Maybe a guiding principle – Carnegie’s: ‘A man who acquires the
ability to take full possession of his own mind may take possession of anything else to which he is
justly entitled
...
I like control – of myself and those around me
...

“I want to deserve to possess them, but yes, bottom line, I do
...
”
“I am
...
Again this is at odds with someone who wants
to feed the world, so I can’t help thinking that we’re talking about something else, but I’m absolutely
mystified as to what it is
...
The temperature in the room is rising or maybe it’s just me
...
Surely Kate has enough material now? I glance at the next
question
...
How far do you think that’s shaped the way you are?” Oh, this is personal
...
His brow furrows
...
”
My interest is piqued
...
” His tone is stern
...
Crap
...

I move on quickly
...
”
“That’s not a question
...

“Sorry
...
I try again
...
I have a brother and a sister and two loving parents
...
”
“Are you gay, Mr
...
Crap
...
” He raises his eyebrows, a cool gleam in his eyes
...

“I apologize
...
” It’s the first time he’s said my name
...
Nervously, I tuck my loosened hair behind my ear
...

“These aren’t your own questions?”
The blood drains from my head
...

“Err… no
...
”
“Are you colleagues on the student paper?” Oh crap
...
It’s
her extra-curricular activity, not mine
...

“No
...
”
He rubs his chin in quiet deliberation, his gray eyes appraising me
...


Hang on, who’s supposed to be interviewing whom? His eyes burn into me, and I’m compelled to
answer with the truth
...
She’s not well
...

“That explains a great deal
...

“Mr
...
”
“We’re not finished here, Andrea
...
”
Andrea hesitates, gaping at him
...
He turns his head slowly to face her and raises his
eyebrows
...
Oh good
...

“Very well, Mr
...
He frowns, and turns his attention back to me
...

“Please don’t let me keep you from anything
...
I think that’s only fair
...
Double
crap
...
His mouth is very… distracting
...

“There’s not much to know,” I say, flushing again
...
Come to Seattle with Kate, find a place, find a job
...

“I haven’t made any plans, Mr
...
I just need to get through my final exams
...

“We run an excellent internship program here,” he says quietly
...
Is he
offering me a job?
“Oh
...
“Though I’m not sure I’d fit in here
...
I’m musing out loud again
...

“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” I’m uncoordinated, scruffy, and I’m not blonde
...
His gaze is intense, all humor gone, and strange muscles deep in my belly
clench suddenly
...

What’s going on? I have to go – now
...

“Would you like me to show you around?” he asks
...
Grey, and I do have a long drive
...
He glances out of
the window
...
“Well, you’d better drive carefully
...

Why should he care? “Did you get everything you need?” he adds
...
His eyes narrow, speculatively
...
Grey
...

As I rise, he stands and holds out his hand
...
” And it sounds like a challenge, or a threat, I’m not sure which
...
When will we ever meet again? I shake his hand once more, astounded that that odd current
between us is still there
...

“Mr
...
” I nod at him
...

“Just ensuring you make it through the door, Miss Steele
...

Obviously, he’s referring to my earlier less-than-elegant entry into his office
...

“That’s very considerate, Mr
...
I’m glad you find me entertaining, I
glower inwardly, walking into the foyer
...
Andrea and Olivia
both look up, equally surprised
...

“Yes
...
He holds it up and, feeling ridiculously self-conscious, I shrug it on
...
I gasp at the contact
...
His long index finger presses the button summoning the elevator, and we stand
waiting – awkwardly on my part, coolly self-possessed on his
...
I really need to get out of here
...
He really is
very, very good-looking
...
His burning gray eyes gaze at me
...


“Christian,” I reply
...


My heart is pounding
...
I race
for the wide glass doors, and I’m free in the bracing, cleansing, damp air of Seattle
...
I close my eyes and take a deep, purifying breath, trying to recover
what’s left of my equilibrium
...

Is it his looks? His civility? Wealth? Power? I don’t understand my irrational reaction
...
What in heaven’s name was that all about? Leaning against one
of the steel pillars of the building, I valiantly attempt to calm down and gather my thoughts
...
Holy crap – what was that? My heart steadies to its regular rhythm, and I can breathe
normally again
...

As I leave the city limits behind, I begin to feel foolish and embarrassed as I replay the interview in
my mind
...
Okay, so he’s very attractive,
confident, commanding, at ease with himself – but on the flip side, he’s arrogant, and for all his
impeccable manners, he’s autocratic and cold
...

An involuntary shiver runs down my spine
...
He doesn’t suffer fools gladly, but why should he? Again,
I’m irritated that Kate didn’t give me a brief biography
...
I’m truly perplexed as to what makes
someone so driven to succeed
...

And Kate’s questions – ugh! The adoption and asking him if he was gay! I shudder
...
Ground, swallow me up now! Every time I think of that question in the future, I will cringe
with embarrassment
...
I’m driving more cautiously than I would on any other occasion
...
Shaking my head, I realize that Grey’s more like a man double his age
...
I decide that all in all, it’s been a very interesting experience, but I
shouldn’t dwell on it
...
I never have to see him again
...
I switch on the MP3 player and turn the volume up loud, sit back, and listen to thumping
indie rock music as I press down on the accelerator
...

We live in a small community of duplex apartments in Vancouver, Washington, close to the
Vancouver campus of WSU
...
It’s been home for four years now
...
Well, at least she has the mini-disc
...

“Ana! You’re back
...
She’s clearly been studying for
finals – though she’s still in her pink flannel pajamas decorated with cute little rabbits, the ones she
reserves for the aftermath of breaking up with boyfriends, for assorted illnesses, and for general
moody depression
...

“I was beginning to worry
...
”
“Oh, I thought I made good time considering the interview ran over
...

“Ana, thank you so much for doing this
...
How was it? What was he like?” Oh no –
here we go, the Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition
...
What can I say?
“I’m glad it’s over, and I don’t have to see him again
...
” I shrug
...
Really young
...
I frown at her
...
Why didn’t you give me a biography? He made me feel like such an idiot
for skimping on basic research
...

“Jeez, Ana, I’m sorry – I didn’t think
...

“Mostly he was courteous, formal, slightly stuffy – like he’s old before his time
...
How old is he anyway?”
“Twenty-seven
...
I should have briefed you, but I was in such a panic
...
”

“You look better
...

“Yes, and it was delicious as usual
...
” She smiles at me in gratitude
...

“I have to run
...
”
“Ana, you’ll be exhausted
...
I’ll see you later
...
It’s the largest independent hardware store in the
Portland area, and over the four years I’ve worked here, I’ve come to know a little bit about most
everything we sell – although ironically, I’m crap at any DIY
...
I’m much
more of a curl-up-with-a-book-in-a-comfy-chair-by-the-fire kind of girl
...
We’re busy – it’s the start of the
summer season, and folks are redecorating their homes
...
Clayton is pleased to see me
...
”
“My appointment didn’t take as long as I thought
...
”
“I’m real pleased to see you
...

When I arrive home later, Katherine is wearing headphones and working on her laptop
...

I’m thoroughly drained – exhausted by the long drive, the grueling interview, and by being rushed off
my feet at Clayton’s
...

“You’ve got some good stuff here, Ana
...
I can’t believe you didn’t take him up on his offer
to show you around
...
”
She gives me a fleeting quizzical look
...
That wasn’t the reason, surely? He just wanted to
show me around so I could see that he was lord of all he surveyed
...
But she seems absorbed in her transcrip-tion
...
Did you take any notes?” she asks
...
”
“That’s fine
...
Shame we don’t have some original stills
...


“I suppose so
...

“Oh come on, Ana – even you can’t be immune to his looks
...

Crap! I distract her with flattery, always a good ploy
...
”
“I doubt that, Ana
...
Given that I foisted this on you at the
last minute, you did very well
...
I make a hasty retreat into the
kitchen
...
Why can’t she just let this go? Think
of something – quick
...
I can understand the
fascination,” I add truthfully, as I peer round the door at her hoping this will shut her up once and for
all
...

I start gathering the makings of a sandwich so she can’t see my face
...
I
was mortified, and he was pissed to be asked too
...

“Whenever he’s in the society pages, he never has a date
...
The whole thing was embarrassing
...
”
“Oh, Ana, it can’t have been that bad
...
”
Taken with me? Now Kate’s being ridiculous
...
”
We talk no more of Christian Grey that evening, much to my relief
...
Damn, but that woman was in the wrong place at the wrong time in the wrong century
...
I make my way to my room,
exhausted, but pleased that I’ve accomplished so much for a Monday
...
That night I dream of dark places, bleak white cold floors, and gray eyes
...
Kate is busy too,

compiling her last edition of her student magazine before she has to relinquish it to the new editor
while also cramming for her finals
...
I call my mom in Georgia to check on her,
but also so she can wish me luck for my final exams
...
Fundamentally she’s bored and
wants something to occupy her time, but she has the attention span of a goldfish
...

She worries me
...
And I hope that
Bob – her relatively new but much older husband – is keeping an eye on her now that I’m no longer
there
...

“How are things with you, Ana?”
For a moment, I hesitate, and I have Mom’s full attention
...
”
“Ana? Have you met someone?” Wow… how does she do that? The excitement in her voice is
palpable
...
You’ll be the first to know if I do
...
You worry me
...
How’s Bob?” As ever, distraction is the best policy
...
It’s a brief conversation
...
Ray is not a talker
...
Ray is a skilled carpenter and the reason I know the difference between a
hawk and a handsaw
...

Friday night, Kate and I are debating what to do with our evening – we want some time out from our
studies, from our work, and from student newspapers – when the doorbell rings
...

“José! Great to see you!” I give him a quick hug
...
”
José is the first person I met when I arrived at WSU, looking as lost and lonely as I did
...

Not only do we share a sense of humor, but we discovered that both Ray and José Senior were in the
same army unit together
...

José is studying engineering and is the first in his family to make it to college
...
José has a great eye for a good picture
...
” He grins, his dark eyes twinkling
...

“The Portland Place Gallery is going to exhibit my photos next month
...
Kate beams at him too
...
Nothing like last minute editorial changes on a Friday
evening
...

“Let’s celebrate
...
” José looks intently at me
...

“Both of you, of course,” he adds, glancing nervously at Kate
...
He’s cute and funny,
but he’s just not for me
...
Katherine often teases me that I’m
missing the need-a-boyfriend gene, but the truth is – I just haven’t met anyone who… well, whom I’m
attracted to, even though part of me longs for those trembling knees, heart-in-my-mouth, butterfliesin-my-belly, sleepless nights
...
Perhaps I’ve spent too long in the company
of my literary romantic heroes, and consequently my ideals and expectations are far too high
...

Until very recently, the unwelcome, still small voice of my subconscious whispers
...
I am not going there, not after that painful interview
...
Grey? I wince at the memory
...
He’s tall, and in his jeans and t-shirt he’s all shoulders and
muscles, tanned skin, dark hair and burning dark eyes
...
The cork makes its loud pop, and José looks up and smiles
...
We are besieged by do-it-yourselfers wanting to spruce up their
homes
...
and Mrs
...
But there’s a lull around lunchtime, and Mrs
...
I’m
engrossed in the task, checking catalogue numbers against the items we need and the items we’ve
ordered, eyes flicking from the order book to the computer screen and back as I check the entries
match
...

Heart failure
...
What a pleasant surprise
...

Holy crap
...

“Mr
...
There’s a ghost of a smile on his lips and his
eyes are alight with humor, as if he’s enjoying some private joke
...
“I need to stock up on a few things
...
” His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate
fudge caramel… or something
...
My heart is pounding a frantic tattoo, and for some reason I’m
blushing furiously under his steady scrutiny
...
My memories of him did not do him justice
...
Here in Clayton’s Hardware Store
...
Finally my
cognitive functions are restored and reconnected with the rest of my body
...
My name’s Ana,” I mutter
...
Grey?”
He smiles, and again it’s like he’s privy to some big secret
...
Taking a deep
breath, I put on my professional I’ve-worked-in-this-shop-for-years façade
...

“There are a few items I need
...

Cable ties?
“We stock various lengths
...

Get a grip, Steele
...

“Please
...
I try for nonchalance as I come out from behind the
counter, but really I’m concentrating hard on not falling over my own feet – my legs are suddenly the
consistency of Jell-O
...

“They’re in with the electrical goods, aisle eight
...
I glance up at him
and regret it almost immediately
...
I blush
...
With my heart
almost strangling me – because it’s in my throat trying to escape from my mouth – I head down one of
the aisles to the electrical section
...
No way! I dismiss it immediately
...


“Are you in Portland on business?” I ask, and my voice is too high, like I’ve got my finger trapped in a
door or something
...
It’s based at Vancouver
...
See?
Not here to find you at all, my subconscious sneers at me, loud, proud, and pouty
...

“All part of your feed-the-world plan?” I tease
...

He gazes at the selection of cable ties we stock at Clayton’s
...
His fingers trail across the various packages
displayed, and for some inexplicable reason, I have to look away
...

“These will do,” he says with his oh-so-secret smile, and I blush
...
”
Masking tape?
“Are you redecorating?” The words are out before I can stop them
...

Am I that funny? Funny looking?
“This way,” I murmur embarrassed
...
”
I glance behind me as he follows
...
I
blush even more brightly
...
Eyes front Steele!
“Four years,” I mutter as we reach our goal
...

“I’ll take that one,” Grey says softly pointing to the wider tape, which I pass to him
...
I gasp involuntarily as I feel it, all the way down to somewhere dark and unexplored,

deep in my belly
...

“Anything else?” My voice is husky and breathy
...

“Some rope, I think
...

“This way
...

“What sort were you after? We have synthetic and natural filament rope… twine…
cable cord… ” I halt at his expression, his eyes darkening
...

“I’ll take five yards of the natural filament rope please
...
I dare not look at him
...

By some miracle, I manage not to remove a finger with my knife
...
Don’t look at his
mouth!
“Organized, group activities aren’t really my thing, Mr
...
”
He arches a brow
...
I gaze at him
unable to express myself
...
Try and be cool, Ana, my tortured
subconscious begs on bended knee
...

“What kind of books?” He cocks his head to one side
...
The usual
...
British literature, mainly
...

Or perhaps he’s just very bored and trying to hide it
...

“I don’t know
...

“For a do-it-yourselfer?”

He nods, gray eyes alive with wicked humor
...

“Coveralls,” I reply, and I know I’m no longer screening what’s coming out of my mouth
...

“You wouldn’t want to ruin your clothing,” I gesture vaguely in the direction of his jeans
...
” He smirks
...
” I feel the color in my cheeks rising again
...
Stop
talking
...

“I’ll take some coveralls
...

I try and dismiss the unwelcome image of him without jeans
...

He ignores my inquiry
...
I grasp it tightly with two hands as if were a life raft, and I go for honesty
...
Miss Kavanagh
...

She’s very happy with it
...
” I feel like I’ve come up for air – at last, a normal topic of conversation
...
”
Grey raises an eyebrow
...
I hadn’t factored in this response
...

“Well, I’m around
...

“You’d be willing to attend a photo shoot?” My voice is squeaky again
...
And you might see him again tomorrow, that dark place at the base of my brain
whispers seductively at me
...
” I’m so pleased, I smile at him broadly
...
For a fraction of a second, he looks
lost somehow, and the Earth shifts slightly on its axis, the tectonic plates sliding into a new position
...
Christian Grey’s lost look
...
” Reaching into his back pocket, he pulls out his wallet
...
It
has my cell number on it
...
”
“Okay
...
Kate is going to be thrilled
...
He’s Mr
...
I’d heard he
was home from Princeton, but I wasn’t expecting to see him today
...
Grey
...

Paul has always been a buddy, and in this strange moment that I’m having with the rich, powerful,
awesomely off-the-scale attractive control-freak Grey, it’s great to talk to someone who’s normal
...

“Ana, hi, it’s so good to see you!” he gushes
...
You’re looking well, Ana, really well
...
Then he
releases me but keeps a possessive arm draped over my shoulder
...
It’s good to see Paul, but he’s always been over-familiar
...
He’s changed from the weirdly attentive customer to
someone else – someone cold and distant
...
Someone you should meet,” I say, trying to defuse the antagonism I see in
Grey’s eyes
...
The atmosphere is suddenly
arctic
...
Mr
...
His brother owns the place
...

“I’ve known Paul ever since I’ve worked here, though we don’t see each other that often
...
” I’m babbling… Stop, now!
“Mr
...
” Christian holds his hand out, his look unreadable
...
Grey,” Paul returns his handshake
...
Grey gives him a polite smile
that doesn’t reach his eyes
...
Clayton
...
” His expression is impassive, but

his words… it’s like he’s saying something else entirely
...

“Cool,” Paul responds
...
”
“Sure, Paul
...
“Anything else, Mr
...
” His tone is clipped and cool
...
What is his problem?
I ring up the rope, coveralls, masking tape, and cable ties at the till
...
” I glance up at Grey, and I wish I hadn’t
...
It’s unnerving
...

“Please, Anastasia
...

I can hardly breathe
...

“You’ll call me if you want me to do the photo shoot?” He’s all business once more
...

“Good
...
” He turns to leave, then pauses
...
” He smiles, then strides with renewed purpose out of the store,
slinging the plastic bag over his shoulder, leaving me a quivering mass of raging female hormones
...

Okay – I like him
...
I cannot hide from my feelings anymore
...
I find him attractive, very attractive
...
It was just a coincidence, his coming here
...
And if I find a photographer, I can do some serious admiring
tomorrow
...
I need to phone Kate
and organize a photo-shoot
...

“But what was he doing at Clayton’s?” Her curiosity oozes through the phone
...

“He was in the area
...
You don’t think he was there to see you?”
she speculates
...
The dull, disappointing
reality is that he was here on business
...
He’s funding some research,” I mutter
...
He’s given the department a $2
...
”
Wow
...
It’s my job to know this
...
So do you want these photos?”
“Of course I do
...
”
“We could ask him where
...
”
“You can contact him?”
“I have his cell phone number
...


“The richest, most elusive, most enigmatic bachelor in Washington State, just gave you his cell phone
number
...
”
“Ana! He likes you
...
” Her tone is emphatic
...
” But even as I say the words, I know they’re not true
– Christian Grey doesn’t do nice
...
And a small quiet voice whispers, perhaps
Kate is right
...
After all, he did
say he was glad Kate didn’t do the interview
...
Kate brings me back to the
now
...
Levi, our regular photographer, can’t
...
He’ll be pissed that he blew an opportunity to photo one of
America’s leading entrepreneurs
...
Then call Grey and find out where he wants us
...

“I think you should call him
...

“No, Grey
...
”
“Relationship?” I squeak at her, my voice rising several octaves
...
”“At least
you’ve met him,” she says bitterly
...
Ana, just call
him,” she snaps and hangs up
...
I frown at my cell, sticking my tongue out
at it
...

“We’re kind of busy out there, Ana,” he says without acrimony
...

“So, how come you know Christian Grey?” Paul’s voice is unconvincingly nonchalant
...
Kate wasn’t well
...


“Christian Grey in Clayton’s
...
He shakes his head as if to clear it
...
It’s a ritual
...
Is Grey? My
subconscious asks me, her eyebrow figuratively raised
...

“Don’t you have a family dinner or something for your brother?”
“That’s tomorrow
...
I need to study tonight
...
”
“Ana, one of these days, you’ll say yes,” he smiles as I escape out to the store floor
...

“José, please?” I beg
...

“Give me that phone
...

“Listen here, José Rodriquez, if you want our newspaper to cover the opening of your show, you’ll do
this shoot for us tomorrow, capiche?” Kate can be awesomely tough
...
Ana will call back with the location and the call time
...
” She snaps my
cell phone shut
...
All we need to do now is decide where and when
...
” She holds the phone out to me
...

“Call Grey, now!”
I scowl at her and reach into my back pocket for his business card
...

He answers on the second ring
...

“Grey
...
Grey? It’s Anastasia Steele
...
There’s a
brief pause
...

“Miss Steele
...
” His voice has changed
...
My breath hitches, and I flush
...

“Err – we’d like to go ahead with the photo-shoot for the article
...

My lungs drag in a hasty breath
...
Where would be convenient for you, sir?”
I can almost hear his sphinx-like smile through the phone
...
Shall we say, nine thirty tomorrow morning?”“Okay, we’ll
see you there
...

“I look forward to it, Miss Steele
...
How can he make
seven little words hold so much tantalizing promise? I hang up
...

“Anastasia Rose Steele
...
You’re actually blushing
...
It’s an occupational hazard with me
...
She blinks at me with surprise – I very rarely throw my toys out of the pram – and I briefly
relent
...
”
“Heathman, that figures,” mutters Kate
...
”
“I’ll make supper
...
” I cannot hide my irritation with her as I open one of
cupboards to make supper
...
Dreaming of smoky gray eyes, coveralls, long legs, long
fingers, and dark, dark unexplored places
...
Oh, I’m going
to look just great tomorrow with so little sleep, I scold myself
...

The Heathman is nestled in the downtown heart of Portland
...
José, Travis, and I are traveling in my Beetle,
and Kate is in her CLK, since we can’t all fit in my car
...
Kate has managed to acquire the use of a room at the Heathman free of charge
for the morning in exchange for a credit in the article
...
Just a regular-sized suite,
however, as apparently Mr
...
An over-keen
marketing executive shows us up to the suite – he’s terribly young and very nervous for some reason
...
The rooms are elegant, understated, and opulently furnished
...
We have half an hour to set up
...

“José, I think we’ll shoot against that wall, do you agree?” She doesn’t wait for his reply
...
Ana, could you ask housekeeping to bring up some refresh-ments? And let Grey know
where we are
...
She is so domineering
...

Half an hour later, Christian Grey walks into our suite
...
His unruly hair is still damp from a shower
...
Grey is followed into the suite by a man in his mid-thirties, all buzz-cut and stubble in a
sharp dark suit and tie who stands silently in the corner
...

“Miss Steele, we meet again
...

Oh my… he really is, quite… wow
...

“Mr
...

“The tenacious Miss Kavanagh
...
“I trust you’re feeling better? Anastasia said you were unwell last week
...
Grey
...

I remind myself that Kate has been to the best private schools in Washington
...
She doesn’t take any crap
...

“Thank you for taking the time to do this
...

“It’s a pleasure,” he answers, turning his gray gaze on me, and I flush, again
...

“This is José Rodriguez, our photographer,” I say, grinning at José who smiles with affection back at
me
...

“Mr
...

“Mr
...

“Where would you like me?” Grey asks him
...
But Katherine is
not about to let José run the show
...
Grey – if you could sit here, please? Be careful of the lighting cables
...
” She directs him to a chair set up against the wall
...


Then Travis and I stand back and watch as José proceeds to snap away
...
Moving to
the tripod, José takes several more, while Grey sits and poses, patiently and naturally, for about twenty
minutes
...
Twice our eyes lock,
and I have to tear myself away from his cloudy gaze
...
” Katherine wades in again
...
Grey?” she asks
...
The shutter on José’s Nikon starts clicking
again
...

“Great,” says Kate
...
Grey
...

“I look forward to reading the article, Miss Kavanagh,” murmurs Grey, and turns to me, standing by
the door
...

“Sure,” I say, completely thrown
...
I notice José scowling
behind her
...

Holy hell… what’s this about? What does he want? I pause in the hotel corridor, fidgeting nervously
as Grey emerges from the room followed by Mr
...

“I’ll call you, Taylor,” he murmurs to Buzz-Cut
...
Crap… have I done something wrong?
“I wondered if you would join me for coffee this morning
...
A date? Christian Grey is asking me on a date
...
Maybe he thinks you haven’t woken up yet, my subconscious whines at me in a sneering
mood again
...

“I have to drive everyone home,” I murmur apologetically, twisting my hands and fingers in front of
me
...
Taylor, who had been retreating down the corridor, turns and
heads back toward us
...
I nod, too stunned to speak
...
He’s my driver
...
”
“Mr
...

“Please, can you drive the photographer, his assistant, and Miss Kavanagh back home?”

“Certainly, sir,” Taylor replies
...
Now can you join me for coffee?” Grey smiles as if it’s a done deal
...

“Um – Mr
...
” I flash a brief look
at Taylor, who remains stoically impassive
...
”
Grey smiles a dazzling, unguarded, natural, all-teeth-showing, glorious smile
...
I scoot around him to enter the room, finding Katherine in deep
discussion with José
...
José glares at me with
disapproval
...
I raise my hand up in the hope that she’ll stop talking
...

“Kate, if you take the Beetle, can I take your car?”
“Why?”
“Christian Grey has asked me to go for coffee with him
...
Speechless Kate! I savor the moment
...

“Ana, there’s something about him
...
“He’s gorgeous, I agree, but I think
he’s dangerous
...
”
“What do you mean, someone like me?” I demand, affronted
...
You know what I mean,” she says a little irritated
...

“Kate, it’s just coffee
...
”
She purses her lips as if considering my request
...
I hand her mine
...
Don’t be long, or I’ll send out search and rescue
...
” I hug her
...

“Okay, let’s do coffee,” I murmur, flushing a beet red
...


“After you, Miss Steele
...

I make my way down the corridor, my knees shaky, my stomach full of butterflies, and my heart in my
mouth thumping a dramatic uneven beat
...
and I hate
coffee
...
What should I say to him? My mind is
suddenly paralyzed with apprehension
...

“How long have you known Katherine Kavanagh?”
Oh, an easy questions for starters
...
She’s a good friend
...
What is he thinking?
At the elevators, he presses the call button, and the bell rings almost immediately
...
Surprised and embarrassed, they jump
apart, staring guiltily in every direction but ours
...

I am struggling to maintain a straight face, so I gaze down at the floor, feeling my cheeks turning
pink
...
The young couple says nothing, and we travel down to the first floor in embarrassed silence
...

The doors open and, much to my surprise, Grey takes my hand, clasping it with his long cool fingers
...
As he leads me out of the
elevator, we can hear the suppressed giggles of the couple erupting behind us
...

“What is it about elevators?” he mutters
...

Outside, it’s a mild May Sunday
...
Grey turns left and strolls
to the corner, where we stop waiting for the lights of the pedestrian crossing to change
...
I’m in the street, and Christian Grey is holding my hand
...
I feel giddy, and I tingle all over
...
Try to be cool, Ana, my subconscious implores me
...

We walk four blocks before we reach the Portland Coffee House, where Grey releases me to hold the
door open so I can step inside
...
What would you like?” he asks, polite as ever
...
”
He raises his eyebrows
...
”
He smiles
...
Sugar?”
For a moment, I’m stunned, thinking it’s an endearment, but fortunately my subconscious kicks in
with pursed lips
...
” I stare down at my knotted fingers
...
” I shake my head, and he heads to the counter
...
I could
watch him all day… he’s tall, broad-shouldered, and slim, and the way those pants hang from his
hips… Oh my
...
Hmm… I’d like to do that
...
I bite
my lip and stare down at my hands again not liking where my wayward thoughts are headed
...

I go crimson
...
I shake my head
...
He hands me a cup and saucer, a small teapot, and a side plate bearing a
lone teabag labeled ‘Twinings English Breakfast’ – my favorite
...
How do they do that? I wonder idly
...
Putting the tray aside, he sits opposite me and crosses his long legs
...
Here’s me, all gawky and uncoordinated,
barely able to get from A to B without falling flat on my face
...

“This is my favorite tea
...
I simply can’t believe I’m sitting opposite
Christian Grey in a coffee shop in Portland
...
He knows I’m hiding something
...
As I place the used
teabag back on the side plate, he cocks his head gazing quizzically at me
...

“I see
...
José Rodriguez
...
What gave him that impression?
“No
...
Why did you think he was my boyfriend?”
“The way you smiled at him, and he at you
...
He’s so unnerving
...

“He’s more like family,” I whisper
...

His long fingers deftly peel back the paper, and I watch, fascinated
...

“No thanks
...

“And the boy I met yesterday, at the store
...
Paul’s just a friend
...
” Oh, this is getting silly
...
”
Holy crap, that’s personal
...

“I find you intimidating
...
I hear his sharp intake of breath
...
“You’re very honest
...
I like to
see your face
...
I glance at him, and he gives me an encouraging but wry smile
...
“You’re a mystery, Miss
Steele
...
”
“I think you’re very self-contained,” he murmurs
...
Me, self-contained?
No Way
...
I just wish I knew what you were blushing about
...
And as if on cue, I blush
...
Have I offended you?” He sounds surprised
...

“Good
...

He raises his eyebrows and, if I’m not mistaken, he flushes slightly too
...
“In all things
...
Why haven’t you asked me to call you by your first name?” I’m surprised by my
audacity
...
I can’t believe I’m feeling so antagonistic towards him
...

“The only people who use my given name are my family and a few close friends
...
”
Oh
...
’ He is a control freak, there’s no other explanation, and
part of me is thinking maybe it would have been better if Kate had interviewed him
...
Plus of course she’s almost blonde – well, strawberry blonde – like all the women in
his office
...
I don’t like the idea of Christian and
Kate
...

“Are you an only child?” he asks
...

“Yes
...
”
Why does he want to know this? It’s so dull
...
My stepdad lives in Montesano
...
”

“I’m sorry,” he mutters and a fleeting troubled look crosses his face
...
”
“And your mother remarried?”
I snort
...
”
He frowns at me
...

“Neither are you
...
” He
smirks at me
...
He’s remembering the ‘gay’ question
...
In years to come, I know,
I’ll need intensive therapy to not feel this embarrassed every time I recall the moment
...

“My mom is wonderful
...
She’s currently on her fourth husband
...

“I miss her,” I continue
...
I just hope he can keep an eye on her and pick up the
pieces when her harebrained schemes don’t go as planned
...
I haven’t seen my mom for
so long
...
I really shouldn’t look
at his mouth
...
Those lips
...
I grew up with him
...
”
“And what’s he like?”
“Ray? He’s… taciturn
...

I shrug
...

I refrain from rolling my eyes at him
...

He’s a carpenter
...
” I sigh
...
My mom met Husband Number Three when I was fifteen
...
”
He frowns as if he doesn’t understand
...

I blush
...

“Husband Number Three lived in Texas
...
And… you know my mom was
newly married
...
My mom never talks about Husband Number Three
...
Two can play at this game
...

He shrugs
...
They live in Seattle
...
And I wonder about a successful couple who adopt three kids,
and one of them turns into a beautiful man who takes on the business world and conquers it singlehanded
...

“What do your siblings do?”
“Elliot’s in construction, and my little sister is in Paris, studying cookery under some renowned
French chef
...
He doesn’t want to talk about his family or himself
...
Why doesn’t he want to talk about his family? Is it because he’s
adopted?
“It’s beautiful
...

“I’ve never left mainland USA
...
What is he hiding?
“Would you like to go?”
“To Paris?” I squeak
...

“But it’s England that I’d really like to visit
...

“Because?”
I blink rapidly
...

“It’s the home of Shakespeare, Austen, the Brontë sisters, Thomas Hardy
...
”

All this talk of literary greats reminds me that I should be studying
...

“I’d better go
...
”
“For your exams?”
“Yes
...
”
“Where’s Miss Kavanagh’s car?”
“In the hotel parking lot
...
”
“Thank you for the tea, Mr
...
”
He smiles his odd I’ve got a whopping big secret smile
...
It’s my pleasure
...
I
take it, bemused, and follow him out of the coffee shop
...
He at least looks his
usual calm, collected self
...
I feel like I’ve been interviewed for a position, but I’m not sure what it is
...

“Mostly
...
We’re back at the intersection, across the road from the hotel
...
What an
odd question… And I’m aware that our time together is limited
...
This was it, and I’ve
completely blown it, I know
...

“Do you have a girlfriend?” I blurt out
...

“No, Anastasia
...

Oh… what does that mean? He’s not gay? Oh, maybe he is - crap! He must have lied to me in his
interview
...
I have to go
...
I have to get
away from him
...

“Shit, Ana!” Grey cries
...

It all happens so fast – one minute I’m falling, the next I’m in his arms, and he’s holding me tightly
against his chest
...
He smells of fresh laundered linen and some

expensive body-wash
...
I inhale deeply
...
He has one arm around me, clasping me to him, while the fingers of his
other hand softly trace my face, gently probing, examining me
...
He’s staring into my eyes, and I hold his anxious, burning gaze for a moment or
maybe it’s forever… but eventually, my attention is drawn to his beautiful mouth
...
And for the
first time in twenty-one years, I want to be kissed
...


Kiss me damn it! I implore him, but I can’t move
...
I’m staring at Christian Grey’s exquisitely sculptured mouth,
mesmerized, and he’s looking down at me, his gaze hooded, his eyes darkening
...
I’m in your arms
...
He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and gives me a small shake of his head as if in
answer to my silent question
...

“Anastasia, you should steer clear of me
...

What? Where is this coming from? Surely I should be the judge of that
...

“Breathe, Anastasia, breathe
...

Adrenaline has spiked through my body, from the near miss with the cyclist or the heady proximity to
Christian, leaving me wired and weak
...

He has his hands on my shoulders, holding me at arm’s length, watching my reactions carefully
...
He doesn’t want me
...
I have royally screwed up the coffee morning
...
“Thank you,” I mutter awash with humiliation
...

“For what?” he frowns
...

“For saving me,” I whisper
...
I’m glad I was here
...
Do you want to come and sit down in the hotel for a moment?” He releases me, his
hands by his sides, and I’m standing in front of him feeling like a fool
...
I just want to go
...

He doesn’t want me
...
What would Christian Grey want with you?
My subconscious mocks me
...
I quickly make my way across, conscious that Grey is behind
me
...

“Thanks for the tea and doing the photo shoot,” I murmur
...
His gray eyes are bleak as he runs his hand through his hair
...

“What, Christian?” I snap irritably after he says – nothing
...
I need to take my fragile,
wounded pride away and somehow nurse it back to health
...

Huh? This is why he looks so desolate? This is the big send off? Just to wish me luck in my exams?
“Thanks
...
“Goodbye, Mr
...
” I turn on my heel, vaguely
amazed that I don’t trip, and without giving him a second glance, I disappear down the sidewalk
toward the underground garage
...
What was I thinking? Unbidden and unwelcome tears pool in
my eyes
...
Drawing
up my knees, I fold in on myself
...
Perhaps this nonsensical
pain will be smaller the smaller I am
...
I am crying over the loss of
something I never had
...
Mourning something that never was –
my dashed hopes, dashed dreams, and my soured expectations
...
Okay… so I was always one of the last to be
picked for basketball or volleyball – but I understood that – running and doing something else at the
same time like bouncing or throwing a ball is not my thing
...


Romantically, though, I’ve never put myself out there, ever
...
So I have always
been the one to rebuff any would be admirers
...
Maybe I should be
kinder to the likes of Paul Clayton and José Rodriguez, though I’m sure neither of them have been
found sobbing alone in dark places
...

Stop! Stop Now! - My subconscious is metaphorically screaming at me, arms folded, leaning on one
leg and tapping her foot in frustration
...
Forget about him…
Now! And stop all this self-pitying, wallowing crap
...
Get it together Steele
...
I will not think of him again
...

Kate is sitting at the dining table at her laptop when I arrive
...

“Ana what’s wrong?”
Oh no… not the Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition
...

“You’ve been crying,” she has an exceptional gift for stating the damned obvious sometimes
...

“Nothing Kate
...
The thought brings a wry smile to my face
...
She stands, her green eyes
brimming with concern
...

I need to say something just to get her to back off
...
” It’s the best that I can do, but it distracts her momentarily
from… him
...

“No
...
“But I was quite shaken
...
How was coffee? I know you hate coffee
...
It was fine, nothing to report really
...
”
“He likes you Ana
...


“Not anymore
...
” Yes, I manage to sound matter of fact
...
She’s intrigued
...

“Yeah… he’s a little out of my league Kate,” I say as dryly as I can manage
...
” I whirl round and face her as she stands in the kitchen doorway
...
“Okay, he’s got more money than you, but then he has more money than most people in
America!”
“Kate he’s– ” I shrug
...

Oh no
...

“Kate, please
...
” I cut her short
...

“Do you want to see the article? It’s finished
...
”

Do I need a visual reminder of the beautiful Christian I-don’t-want-you Grey?
“Sure,” I magic a smile on to my face and stroll over to the laptop
...

I pretend to read the article, all the time meeting his steady gray gaze, searching the photo for some
clue as to why he’s not the man for me – his own words to me
...

He’s too gloriously good-looking
...
I have a
vision of myself as Icarus flying too close to the sun and crashing and burning as a result
...
He’s not the man for me
...
I can live with this
...

“Very good Kate,” I manage
...
” I am not going to think about him again for now, I
vow to myself, and opening my revision notes, I start to read
...
I keep coming back to the ‘I don’t do the girlfriend thing’ quote, and I’m angry that I didn’t
pounce on this information sooner, when I was in his arms mentally begging him with every fiber of
my being to kiss me
...
He didn’t want me as a girlfriend
...
Idly, I wonder if perhaps he’s celibate? I close my eyes and begin to drift
...
Well not for you, my sleepy subconscious has a final swipe at me before unleashing itself on

my dreams
...

I put my pen down
...
My final exam is over
...

It’s probably the first time all week that I’ve smiled
...
I might even get drunk! I’ve never been drunk before
...
This is it, the end of my academic
career
...
Inside I’m doing graceful
cartwheels around my head, knowing full well that’s the only place I can do graceful cartwheels
...
She glances across at me, and I catch her Cheshire cat smile too
...
Kate is
more concerned about what she’s going to wear to the bar this evening
...


“Ana, there’s a package for you
...
Odd
...

Kate gives me the parcel and takes my keys to open the front door
...
There’s no sender’s address or name
...


“It’s probably from my folks
...

I open the parcel, and inside I find a half leather box containing three seemingly identi-cal old clothcovered books in mint condition and a plain white card
...
I am stunned by the irony as I’ve just spent three hours writing about
the novels of Thomas Hardy in my final examination
...
I inspect the books closely, three volumes of Tess of the D’Urbervilles
...
Written in an old typeface on the front plate is:
‘London: Jack R
...
, 1891
...
They must be worth a fortune, and I know immediately who’s sent
them
...
She picks up the card
...

“No
...
“Grey?”
I nod
...
”
“What does this card mean?”
“I have no idea
...
I have no idea why
...
” I frown
...
Warnings or no
...
Okay… so his gray eyes are still
haunting my dreams, and I know it will take an eternity to expunge the feel of his arms around me and
his wonderful fragrance from my brain
...

“I’ve found one Tess first edition for sale in New York at $14,000
...
They must have cost more
...

“This quote – Tess says it to her mother after Alec D’Urberville has had his wicked way with her
...
“What is he trying to say?”
“I don’t know, and I don’t care
...
I’ll send them back with an equally
baffling quote from some obscure part of the book
...

“Yes, that bit
...
I love Kate, she’s so loyal and supportive
...
Kate hands me a glass of champagne
...

“To the end of exams, our new life in Seattle, and excellent results
...

The bar is loud and hectic, full of soon to be graduates out to get trashed
...
He won’t
graduate for another year, but he’s in the mood to party and gets us into the spirit of our newfound
freedom by buying a pitcher of margaritas for us all
...

“So what now Ana?” José shouts at me over the noise
...
Kate’s parents have bought a condo there for her
...
But you’ll be back for my show
...
” I smile, and he puts his arm around my waist and
pulls me close
...
“Another margarita?”
“José Luis Rodriguez – are you trying to get me drunk? Because I think it’s working
...
“I think I’d better have a beer
...
”
“More drink, Ana!” Kate bellows
...
She’s got her arm draped over Levi, one of our fellow English
students and her usual photographer on her student newspaper
...
He only has eyes for Kate
...

Me, I’m more of a Converse and t-shirt kind of girl, but I’m wearing my most flattering jeans
...
Whoa
...
I have to grab the back of the chair
...

I make my way to the bar and decide that I should visit the powder room while I am on my feet
...
I stagger off through the crowd
...
I reach for my cell phone to relieve the boredom of waiting in line
...
Oh yes
...
I giggle
...
Perhaps he can tell me why he
sent me those books and the cryptic message
...
I
suppress a drunken grin and hit the automatic re-dial
...

“Anastasia?” He’s surprised to hear from me
...


Then my befuddled brain registers… how does he know it’s me?
“Why did you send me the books?” I slur at him
...
” His voice is filled with concern
...
There - that told him, my courage fuelled by alcohol
...
Where are you?”
“In a bar
...

“A bar in Portland
...
” This conversation is not going how I expected
...
” His tone is so, so dictatorial, his usual control freak
...
The image makes me laugh out loud
...

“Ana, so help me, where the fuck are you?”
Christian Grey is swearing at me
...
“I’m in Portland… s’a long way from Seattle
...
”
“Ana!”
I hang up
...
I frown
...
I am
really quite drunk - my head swims uncomfortably as I shuffle with the line
...
I have succeeded
...
The line has moved, and it’s now my turn
...
Holy crap, did I just call Christian Grey? Shit
...
I yelp in surprise
...
I hadn’t reckoned on this
...
Only Christian Grey could sound so calm and so
threatening at the same time
...
I pull my jeans up
...
Coming to get me? Oh no
...
Hang on
...
I didn’t tell him where I was
...
Besides, it will take him hours to get here from Seattle, and we’ll be long gone by
then
...

I look flushed and slightly unfocused
...

I wait at the bar for what feels like an eternity for the pitcher of beer and eventually return to the table
...
” Kate scolds me
...
”
José and Levi are having some heated debate about our local baseball team
...

“Kate, I think I’d better step outside and get some fresh air
...
”
“I’ll be five minutes
...
I am beginning to feel nauseous, my head is spinning
uncomfortably, and I’m a little unsteady on my feet
...

Drinking in the cool evening air in the parking lot makes me realize how drunk I am
...
I think I’m going to be sick
...
“You okay?”
“I think I’ve just had a bit too much to drink
...

“Me too,” he murmurs, and his dark eyes are watching me intently
...

“José I’m okay
...
” I try and push him away rather feebly
...

“José, what you doing?”
“You know I like you Ana, please
...
Holy fuck… he’s going to kiss me
...
” I
push him, but he’s a wall of hard muscle, and I cannot shift him
...

“Please, Ana, cariña,” he whispers against my lips
...
He gently trails kisses along my jaw up to the side of my mouth
...
The feeling is suffocating
...
I don’t want this
...
“I think
the lady said no
...
Holy shit! Christian Grey, he’s here
...

“Grey,” he says tersely
...
He’s glowering at José, and he’s furious
...
My stomach heaves, and I double over, my body no longer able to tolerate the alcohol, and I
vomit spectacularly on to the ground
...
Grey grabs my hair and pulls it out of the firing
line and gently leads me over to a raised flowerbed on the edge of the parking lot
...

“If you’re going to throw up again, do it here
...
” He has one arm around my shoulders –
the other is holding my hair in a makeshift ponytail down my back so it’s off my face
...
Oh shit…
how long is this going to last? Even when my stomach’s empty and nothing is coming up, horrible dry
heaves wrack my body
...
This is just too appalling for
words
...

My hands are resting on the brick wall of the flowerbed, barely holding me up - vomiting profusely is
exhausting
...

Only he would have a monogrammed, freshly laundered, linen handkerchief
...
I didn’t know you
could still buy these
...
I cannot bring
myself to look at him
...
I want to be swallowed up by
the azaleas in the flowerbed and be anywhere but here
...
I groan and put my head in my hands
...

My head is still swimming as I try to remember a worse one – and I can only come up with Christian’s
rejection – and this is so, so many shades darker in terms of humiliation
...
He’s
staring down at me, his face composed, giving nothing away
...
I glare at him
...
Ana who are you
kidding, he’s just seen you hurl all over the ground and into the local flora
...

“I’ll err… see you inside,” José mutters, but we both ignore him, and he slinks off back into the
building
...
Double crap
...

“I’m sorry,” I mutter, staring at the handkerchief which I am furiously worrying with my fingers
...

“What are you sorry for Anastasia?”
Oh crap, he wants his damned pound of flesh
...
Oh, the list is endless,” I murmur, feeling my skin coloring up
...
“It’s about knowing
your limits, Anastasia
...
Do you
make a habit of this kind of behavior?”
My head buzzes with excess alcohol and irritation
...
He sounds like a middle-aged man scolding me like an errant child
...
Not now that I’ve thrown up in front of him
...
“I’ve never been drunk before and right now I have no desire to ever be again
...
I begin to feel faint
...

“Come on, I’ll take you home,” he murmurs
...
” Holy Moses, I’m in his arms again
...
”
“What?”
“My brother Elliot is talking to Miss Kavanagh
...

“He was with me when you phoned
...

“No, I’m staying at the Heathman
...
”

Oh, of course he did
...

“Do you have a jacket or a purse?”
“Err… yes, I came with both
...
She’ll worry
...

“If you must
...
I feel weak, still drunk,
embarrassed, exhausted, mortified, and on some strange level absolutely off the scale thrilled
...
I’ll need at least a week to process them all
...
Kate is not
at our table, and José has disappeared
...
“Where’s Kate?” I shout
at Levi above the noise
...

“Dancing,” Levi shouts, and I can tell he’s mad
...

I struggle into my black jacket and place my small shoulder bag over my head so it sits at my hip
...

“She’s on the dance floor,” I touch Christian’s arm and lean up and shout in his ear, brushing his hair
with my nose, smelling his clean, fresh smell
...
All those forbidden, unfamiliar feelings that I
have tried to deny surface and run amok through my drained body
...

He rolls his eyes at me and takes my hand again and leads me to the bar
...
Control-Freak Grey
...
He hands me a very large glass of iced water
...

The moving lights are twisting and turning in time to the music casting strange colored light and
shadows all over the bar and the clientele
...
He’s
watching me intently
...

“All of it,” he shouts
...
He runs his hand through his unruly hair
...
What is his
problem? Apart from a silly drunk girl ringing him in the middle of the night so he thinks she needs
rescuing
...
Then seeing her being violently ill
at his feet
...
I sway slightly, and he puts his hand on my shoulder to steady
me
...
It makes me feel queasy
...
I notice through a blur what he’s wearing; a loose white linen shirt, snug jeans,
black Converse sneakers, and a dark pinstriped jacket
...
In my groggy frame of mind, he looks yummy
...
Holy cow – he’s leading me onto the dance floor
...

I do not dance
...
He gives my hand a sharp tug, and I’m in his arms again, and he starts to move, taking
me with him
...
Maybe it’s
because I’m drunk that I can keep up
...
In the back of my mind, my
mother’s often-recited warning comes to me: Never trust a man who can dance
...
The music is pounding away, loud and leery, outside and
inside my head
...
Kate is making her moves
...
Really likes someone
...
Kate!
Christian leans over and shouts in Elliot’s ear
...
Elliot is tall with wide
shoulders, curly blonde hair, and light, wickedly gleaming eyes
...
Elliot grins, and pulls Kate into his arms, where she is more than
happy to be… Kate! Even in my inebriated state, I am shocked
...
She nods at
whatever Elliot says and grins at me and waves
...

But I never got to talk to her
...
I need
to do the safe sex lecture
...
My thoughts crash through my brain, fighting the drunk, fuzzy feeling
...
My head begins to swim, oh no… and I can feel the floor
coming up to meet my face or so it feels
...

“Fuck!”

It’s very quiet
...
I am comfortable and warm, in this bed
...
I have no
idea where I am
...
It’s oddly familiar
...
I have seen it before
...
Holy crap
...
I have stood in a room similar to this with Kate
...
Oh
shit
...
How did I get here?
Fractured memories of the previous night come slowly back to haunt me
...
José and then
Christian
...
I cringe inwardly
...

I’m wearing my t-shirt, bra, and panties
...
No jeans
...

I glance at the bedside table
...
Advil
...
I sit up and take the tablets
...
The orange juice tastes divine
...
Nothing beats freshly squeezed orange juice for reviv-ing an arid
mouth
...
My heart leaps into my mouth, and I can’t seem to find my voice
...

Holy hell, he’s been working out
...
Christian Grey’s sweat, the notion does odd things
to me
...
I feel like a two-year old, if I close my eyes then I’m
not really here
...
How are you feeling?”
Oh no
...

I peek up at him
...
He’s staring at me, gray eyes dark, and as usual, I have no idea what he’s
thinking
...

“How did I get here?” My voice is small, contrite
...
He’s close enough for me to touch, for me to smell
...

“After you passed out, I didn’t want to risk the leather upholstery in my car taking you all the way to
your apartment
...


“Did you put me to bed?”
“Yes
...

“Did I throw up again?” My voice is quieter
...
”
“Did you undress me?” I whisper
...
” He quirks an eyebrow at me as I blush furiously
...
I stare
at my hands
...
Necrophilia is not my thing
...

“I’m so sorry
...

“It was a very diverting evening
...
”
Me neither – oh he’s laughing at me, the bastard
...

Somehow I’ve been made to feel like the villain of the piece
...
He stares at me, surprised, and if I’m not mistaken, a little wounded
...
Secondly, my company
does not invest or manufacture any kind of surveillance devices, and thirdly, if I hadn’t come to get
you, you’d probably be waking up in the photographer’s bed, and from what I can remember, you
weren’t overly enthused about him pressing his suit,” he says acidly
...
I try to
bite my lip, but I fail to repress my laughter
...
“You sound like a courtly knight
...
His eyes soften and his expression warms, and I see a trace of a smile on his
beautifully chiseled lips
...
Dark knight maybe
...
“Did
you eat last night?” His tone is accusatory
...
What major transgression have I
committed now? His jaw clenches, but his face remains impassive
...
That’s why you were so ill
...
” He

runs this hand through his hair, and I know it’s because he’s exasperated
...
”
“You’re lucky I’m just scolding you
...
You didn’t eat, you got drunk, you put yourself at risk
...
When he opens his eyes, he glares at me
...
”
I scowl back at him
...
Though
maybe, part of me would like to be
...
I flush at the waywardness of my subconscious - she’s doing her happy dance in a bright red
hula skirt at the thought of being his
...
I was with Kate
...

Hmm… young José
...

“José just got out of line
...

“Well the next time he gets out of line, maybe someone should teach him some manners
...

“Oh, Anastasia, you have no idea
...
It’s disarming
...

Wow… I am entranced, and it’s because his smile is so rare
...

“I’m going to have a shower
...
My heartbeat has picked up, and my medulla oblongata has neglected to fire any synapses to
make me breathe
...

“Breathe, Anastasia,” he whispers and rises
...

You must be famished
...

I let out the breath that I’ve been holding
...
I have never felt this way about anyone
...
My skin
tingles where his thumb traced over my face and lower lip
...
I don’t understand this reaction
...
This is desire
...

I lie back on the soft feather filled pillows
...
’ Oh my – what would I do to be his?
He’s the only man who has ever set my blood racing around my body
...
One minute he rebuffs me, the next he sends me fourteenthousand-dollar books, then he tracks me like a stalker
...
Protected
...
He’s not a dark knight at all, but a white
knight in shining, dazzling armor – a classic romantic hero – Sir Gawain or Lancelot
...
He emerges from the bathroom wet and
glistening from the shower, still unshaven, with just a towel around his waist, and there am I – all bare
legs and awkward gawkiness
...

“If you’re looking for your jeans, I’ve sent them to the laundry
...
“They
were spattered with your vomit
...
” I flush scarlet
...
They’re in the bag on the chair
...
What an unexpected bonus
...
“Thanks
...
Michel-angelo’s David has nothing
on him
...
I strip off my clothes and
quickly clamber into the shower anxious to be under the cleansing stream of water
...
I want Christian Grey
...
Simple
fact
...
I want to feel his hands and his
mouth on me
...
He’s probably not celibate then
...
I don’t understand
...
Am I
repellent to him? And yet, I’m here and he brought me here
...
You do the math
...
I ignore her
...
Hmm… I could stay under this shower, in his bathroom, forever
...
It’s a delicious smell
...
Oh my
...

“Breakfast is here
...

“Okay,” I stutter as I’m yanked cruelly out of my erotic daydream
...
I put my hair in one and wrap it Carmen Miranda style
on my head
...

I inspect the bag of jeans
...
Oh my
...
They are an exquisite design of some fancy
European lingerie
...
Wow
...
What’s more, they fit perfectly
...
I flush to think of the Buzz-Cut
man in some lingerie store buying this for me
...

I dress quickly
...
I brusquely towel-dry my hair and try
desperately to bring it under control
...
I shall search in my purse, when I find it
...
Time to face
Mr
...

I’m relieved to find the bedroom empty
...
Taking
another deep breath, I enter the living area of the suite
...
There’s an opulent, plush seating
area, all overstuffed couches and soft cushions, an elaborate coffee table with a stack of large glossy
books, a study area with a top-of-the-range Mac, an enormous plasma screen TV on the wall, and
Christian is sitting at a dining table on the other side of the room reading a newspaper
...
Kate!
“Crap, Kate,” I croak
...

“She knows you’re here and still alive
...

Oh no
...
All her patented moves used with
maximum effect to seduce Christian’s brother no less! What’s she going to think about me being
here? I’ve never stayed out before
...
She’s only done this twice before, and both
times I’ve had to endure the hideous pink PJs for a week from the fallout
...

Christian stares at me imperiously
...

“Sit,” he commands, pointing to a place at the table
...
The table is laden with food
...
” He gives me a
crooked, apologetic smile
...
“Yes, it is
...


I opt for pancakes, maple syrup, scrambled eggs, and bacon
...
The food is delicious
...

“Yes, please
...

Jeez, he remembers how I like my tea
...

“I couldn’t find the hairdryer,” I mutter, embarrassed
...

Christian’s mouth presses into a hard line, but he doesn’t say anything
...
”
“It’s a pleasure, Anastasia
...
”
I blush and stare down at my fingers
...
” His tone is castigating
...
”
He glares at me as if I have offended him on some level
...

“You’ve already given me the books, which, of course, I can’t accept
...
” I smile tentatively at him
...
”
“That’s not the point
...

“Just because you can doesn’t mean that you should,” I reply quietly as he arches an eyebrow at me,
his eyes twinkling, and suddenly I feel that we’re talking about something else, but I don’t know what
it is
...
He puts down his cutlery and regards
me intently, his gray eyes burning with some unfathomable emotion
...

“Well, when you were nearly run over by the cyclist – and I was holding you and you were looking up
at me – all kiss me, kiss me, Christian,” he pauses and shrugs slightly, “I felt I owed you an apology
and a warning
...
“Anastasia, I’m not a hearts and flowers kind of

man, I don’t do romance
...

You should steer clear from me
...
“There’s something about you,
though, and I’m finding it impossible to stay away
...
”
My appetite vanishes
...

He gasps, his eyes wide
...
”
“Enlighten me, then
...

“You’re not celibate then?” I breathe
...

“No, Anastasia, I’m not celibate
...
The
mouth-to-brain filter is broken again
...
“What are your plans
for the next few days?” he asks, his voice low
...
What is the time?” I panic suddenly
...
What about tomorrow?” He has his elbows on the table, and
his chin is resting on his long steepled fingers
...
We’re moving to Seattle next weekend, and I’m working at
Clayton’s all this week
...
”
“Where?”
“I can’t remember the address
...
”
“Not far from me,” his lips twitch up in a half smile
...

“I’ve applied for some internships
...
”
“Have you applied to my company as I suggested?”

I flush… of course not
...
”
“And what’s wrong with my company?”
“Your company or your Company?” I smirk
...

“Are you smirking at me, Miss Steele?” He cocks his head to one side, and I think he looks amused,
but it’s hard to tell
...
I can’t look him in the eye
when he uses that tone of voice
...

Oh my
...
My mouth pops open as I gasp and
swallow at the same time
...
My heart beat
spikes, and I think I’m panting
...
I
squirm in my seat and meet his dark glare
...

“Because I’m not going to touch you Anastasia - not until I have your written consent to do so
...

What?
“What does that mean?”
“Exactly what I say
...

“I need to show you, Anastasia
...
”
“Well, we could go to Seattle this evening or next Saturday for dinner at my place, and I’ll acquaint
you with the facts then
...
”
“Why can’t you tell me now?” I sound petulant
...
Once you’re enlightened, you probably won’t
want to see me again
...
What does that mean? Does he white-slave small children to some God-forsaken part of the
planet? Is he part of some underworld crime syndicate? It would explain why he’s so rich
...
Oh my
...
This is getting me nowhere
...
If it means that whatever secret he has is so gross that I don’t

want to know him any more then, quite frankly, it will be a relief
...

“Tonight
...

“Like Eve, you’re so quick to eat from the tree of knowledge,” he smirks
...
Grey?” I ask sweetly
...

He narrows his eyes at me and picks up his BlackBerry
...

“Taylor
...
”
Charlie Tango! Who’s he?
“From Portland at say twenty-thirty
...
”
All night!
“Yes
...
I’ll pilot from Portland to Seattle
...
” He puts the phone down
...
“Do people
always do what you tell them?”
“Usually, if they want to keep their jobs,” he says, deadpan
...
You should finish your breakfast
...
I’ll pick you up at Clayton’s at eight when you finish
...
”
I blink at him rapidly
...
I have a helicopter
...
I have my second date with Christian oh-so-mysterious Grey
...
Wow
...
”
“Why?”

He grins wickedly
...
Finish your breakfast
...
And he wants to bite my
lip… I squirm at the thought
“Eat,” he says more sharply
...
”
“I can’t eat all this
...

“Eat what’s on your plate
...
” His mouth sets in a grim line
...

I frown and return to my now cold food
...
Don’t you understand? My
subconscious explains
...
Hmm, like a small boy
...

“What’s so funny?” he asks
...

Swallowing my last piece of pancake, I peek up at him
...

“Good girl,” he says
...
I don’t want you getting ill
...
What does he mean? I leave the table,
wondering for a moment if I should ask permission but dismissing the idea
...
I head back to his bedroom
...

“Where did you sleep last night?” I turn to gaze at him still sitting in the dining room chair
...

“In my bed,” he says simply, his gaze impassive again
...
”
“Yes, it was quite a novelty for me too
...

“Not having… sex
...
I blush – of course
...
“Sleeping with
someone
...

What in heaven’s name does that mean? He’s never slept with anyone? He’s a virgin? Somehow I
doubt that
...
He is the most mystifying person I’ve ever met
...
See him vulnerable
...
Well, allegedly all will be revealed tonight
...
Using my fingers, I dry my
hair the best I can
...
I want to clean my teeth
...
It would be like having him in my mouth
...

They are damp
...
Grabbing it quickly, I squirt toothpaste on it and brush
my teeth in double quick time
...
It’s such a thrill
...
Deep joy, there is a hair tie in
my bag
...
I feel his
eyes follow me as I sit down and wait for him to finish
...

“They want two?… How much will that cost?
...
And when do they arrive in Darfur?
...
Keep me abreast of progress
...

“Ready to go?”
I nod
...
He slips on a navy pinstriped jacket, picks up his car
keys, and heads for the door
...
He looks so casually elegant
...
And to think I slept with him last night and,
after all the tequila and the throwing up, he’s still here
...

Why me? I don’t understand it
...
Grey, and I aim to find out what it is
...
As we wait, I peek up at him through my
lashes, and he looks out of the corner of his eyes down at me
...

The elevator arrives, and we step in
...
Suddenly, for some inexplicable reason, possibly
our proximity in such an enclosed space, the atmosphere between us changes, charging with an
electric, exhilarating anticipation
...
His head turns fractionally
toward me, his eyes darkest slate
...

“Oh, fuck the paperwork,” he growls
...

Before I know it, he’s got both of my hands in one of his in a vice-like grip above my head, and he’s
pinning me to the wall using his hips
...
His other hand grabs my ponytail and yanks down,
bringing my face up, and his lips are on mine
...
I moan into his mouth, giving
his tongue an opening
...
I have never
been kissed like this
...
He brings his hand up to grasp my chin and holds me in place
...
I feel his erection against my
belly
...
Christian Grey, Greek god, wants me, and I want him, here… now, in the

elevator
...
Are
...
Sweet,” he murmurs, each word a staccato
...
Three men in business suits look at both of us and smirk as they climb on board
...
I want to lean over and grasp my knees…
but that’s just too obvious
...
He looks so cool and calm, like he’s been doing the Seattle Times crossword
...
Is he totally unaffected by my presence? He glances at me out of the corner of his eye, and he
gently blows out a deep breath
...
The businessmen exit on the
second floor
...

“You’ve brushed your teeth,” he says, staring at me
...

His lips quirk up in a half smile
...

“What is it about elevators?” he mutters, more to himself than to me as he strides across the lobby
...


Christian opens the passenger door to the black Audi SUV, and I clamber in
...
He
hasn’t mentioned the outburst of passion that exploded in the elevator
...
As time

ticks on, I assign it mythical, Arthurian legend, Lost City of Atlantis status
...
Perhaps I imagined it all
...

I touch my lips, swollen from his kiss
...
I am a changed woman
...

I glance at him
...

How confusing
...
He switches on the MP3 player
...
Oh wow… all
my senses are in disarray, so this is doubly affecting
...
Christian
pulls out on to SW Park Avenue, and he drives with easy, lazy confidence
...
Do you like it?”
“Christian, it’s wonderful
...
And for a fleeting moment, he seems his age; young,
carefree, and heart-stoppingly beautiful
...

“Can I hear that again?”
“Of course
...
It’s a gentle, slow,
sweet, and sure assault on my aural senses
...

“My taste is eclectic, Anastasia, everything from Thomas Tallis to the Kings of Leon
...
You?”
“Me too
...
”
He turns and gazes at me briefly before his eyes are back on the road
...
He’s a sixteenth century British composer
...
” Christian grins at me
...
”
He presses a button, and the Kings of Leon start singing
...
Sex on Fire
...
The music is interrupted by the sound of a cell phone ringing over the MP3 speakers
...

“Grey,” he snaps
...


“Mr
...
I have the information you require
...

“Good
...
Anything to add?”
“No sir
...
No goodbye or thanks
...
I shudder at the very idea
...
The music cuts off again for the phone
...
”
“The NDA has been emailed to you, Mr
...
” A woman’s voice
...
That’s all, Andrea
...
”
Christian hangs up by pressing a button on the steering wheel
...
Holy hell, is this his life, constant nagging phone calls?
“Grey,” he snaps
...

“Who’s with you?”
Christian rolls his eyes
...
”
“Hi, Ana!”
Ana!
“Hello, Elliot
...
Christian frowns
...
”
Elliot laughs
...
” Christian emphasizes my name
...
”
“See you shortly
...


“Why do you insist on calling me Anastasia?”
“Because it’s your name
...
”
“Do you now?” he murmurs
...
It’s not taken long
...
I scowl at him, but he ignores my expression
...
”
He pulls up outside my duplex
...
But
then he sent the books, of course he knows where I live
...

Why won’t he kiss me again? I pout at the thought
...
Honestly, his surname should
be Cryptic, not Grey
...
I flush at
the memory of his mouth on mine, and the thought that I’d been unable to touch him enters my mind
...
I
am retrospectively frustrated
...
I’m not sure if I hear an
audible gasp, but I choose to ignore it and head up the steps to the front door
...
The fourteen-thousand-dollar books have disappeared
...
I have plans for them
...
Christian follows me into the living area, and in spite of her
I’ve-been-having-a-good-time-all-night grin, Kate eyes him suspiciously
...
” She leaps up to hug me, then holds me at arm’s length so she can examine me
...

“Good morning, Christian,” she says, and her tone is a little hostile
...

“Christian, her name is Kate,” Elliot grumbles
...
” Christian gives her a polite nod and glares at Elliot who grins and rises to hug me too
...
He’s obviously nothing like
Christian, but then they’re adopted brothers
...

“Elliot, we’d better go
...


“Sure
...

Jeez… get a room
...
I glance up at Christian, and he’s watching me
intently
...
Why can’t you kiss me like that? Elliot continues to kiss Kate,
sweeping her off her feet and dipping her in a dramatic hold so that her hair touches the ground as he
kisses her hard
...

Kate just melts
...

Compliant Kate, boy, Elliot must be good
...
He tucks a stray strand of my hair that
has worked its way free from my ponytail behind my ear
...
His eyes soften, and he runs his thumb across my lower lip
...
And all too quickly, his touch is gone
...
But even though I know
he’s being irreverent, the endearment tugs at something deep inside me
...
” He turns to leave, opening the front door and stepping out on to the porch
...

“So, did you?” Kate asks as we watch them climb into the car and drive off, the burning curiosity
evident in her voice
...
We head back into the apartment
...
” I can’t contain my envy
...
She is
irresistible, beautiful, sexy, funny, forward… all the things that I’m not
...

“And I’m seeing him again this evening
...
She cannot contain her excitement and happiness, and I can’t help but feel happy for her
...

“Christian is taking me to Seattle this evening
...
”
“Maybe you will then?”
“Oh, I hope so
...
”

“Like him enough to… ?”
“Yes
...

“Wow
...
”
“Oh yeah – it’s all about the money
...

“Is that a new blouse?” she asks, and I let her have all the unexciting details about my night
...

I blush
...
”
“Once!” she scoffs
...

“He’s very reserved
...

“That’s odd
...

“We need to make sure you’re simply irresistible for this evening,” she says with determination
...

“I have to be at work in an hour
...
Come on
...

The day drags at Clayton’s even though we’re busy
...
It’s mindless work, and it gives me too much
time to think
...

Under Kate’s tireless and frankly intrusive instruction, my legs and underarms are shaved to
perfection, my eyebrows plucked, and I am buffed all over
...

But she assures me that this is what men expect these days
...
For some strange reason, she doesn’t trust him, maybe
because he’s so stiff and formal
...
I haven’t told her about the helicopter, she’d freak
...
He’s left three messages and seven missed calls on my cell
...
Kate has been very vague as to where I am
...
Kate doesn’t do vague
...
I’m still too angry with him
...
It’s so frustrating trying to guess
...
Tonight’s the night!
After all this time, am I ready for this? My inner goddess glares at me, tapping her small foot
impatiently
...

He is punctual, of course, and waiting for me when I leave Clayton’s
...

“Good evening, Miss Steele,” he says
...
Grey
...
Taylor is sitting in the
driver’s seat
...

“Good evening, Miss Steele,” his voice is polite and professional
...

“How was work?” he asks
...

“Yes, it’s been a long day for me too
...

“What did you do?” I manage
...
” His thumb strokes my knuckles, back and forth, and my heart skips a beat
as my breathing accelerates
...

The drive to the heliport is short and, before I know it, we arrive
...
We’re in a built-up area of the city and even I know helicopters need space to take off and
land
...
Christian is beside me in an instant and takes
my hand again
...
I nod and want to say for anything, but I can’t articulate the words as I’m too
nervous, too excited
...
” He nods curtly at his driver, and we head into the building, straight to a set of elevators
...

I have thought of nothing else all day
...
Twice Mr
...
To say I’ve been distracted would be the

understatement of the year
...
Ha! He’s thinking
about it too
...
He’s telepathic surely
...

I try to keep my face impassive as we enter the elevator
...
I close my eyes in a vain attempt to ignore it
...

And there it is, a white helicopter with the name Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
Surely this is misuse of Company property
...

“Here’s your flight plan, Mr
...
All external checks are done
...
You’re
free to go
...
” Christian smiles warmly at him
...
Someone deserving of the polite treatment from Christian, perhaps he’s not an employee
...

“Let’s go,” Christian says, and we make our way toward the helicopter
...
I expected it to be a roadster version for two, but it has at least seven
seats
...

“Sit – don’t touch anything,” he orders as he clambers in behind me
...
I’m glad that the area is floodlit, otherwise I’d find it difficult to see
inside the small cockpit
...
It’s a four-point harness with all the straps connecting to one central buckle
...

He’s so close and intent on what he’s doing
...
He smells, clean, fresh, heavenly, but I’m fastened securely into my seat and effectively
immobile
...

He’s so tantalizingly close
...

“You’re secure, no escaping,” he whispers, his eyes are scorching
...
Reaching up, he caresses my cheek, running his long fingers down to my chin which he grasps
between his thumb and forefinger
...

“I like this harness,” he whispers
...
Little lights wink and flash from various dials, and the whole of the
instrument panel lights up
...
I pop them on, and the
rotor blades start
...
He puts his headphones on and continues flipping various
switches
...
” Christian’s disembodied voice is in my ears through
the headphones
...

“Do you know what you are doing?” I ask
...

“I’ve been a fully qualified pilot for four years, Anastasia, you’re safe with me
...
“Well, while we’re flying,” he adds and winks at me
...

“Okay, tower
...

Please confirm, over
...
PDX to call, proceed to one four thousand, heading zero one zero,
over
...
Here we go,” he adds to me, and the helicopter rises
slowly and smoothly into the air
...
Whoa! All the bright lights shrink until they are twinkling sweetly below us
...
Once we’re higher, there really is nothing to see
...
How can he see where we’re going?
“Eerie isn’t it?” Christian’s voice is in my ears
...
” He points his long index finger at one of the gauges, and it shows an electronic compass
...
One of the safest in its class
...
” He glances
and grins at me
...
That’s where we’re heading
...
I am so out of my league here
...
He’s concentrating hard, and he’s continually
glancing at the various dials in front of him
...
He has a

beautiful profile
...
He hasn’t
shaved, and his stubble makes the prospect doubly tempting
...

“When you fly at night, you fly blind
...

“How long will the flight be?” I manage breathlessly
...

“Less than an hour, the wind is in our favor
...

I have less than an hour before the big reveal
...

I have a serious case of butterflies
...
Holy shit, what has he got in
store for me?
“You okay, Anastasia?”
“Yes
...

I think he smiles, but it’s difficult to tell in the darkness
...

“PDX this is Charlie Tango now at one four thousand, over
...
It all sounds very professional to me
...

“Understood Sea-Tac, standing by over and out
...
” He points to a small pin-point of light in the far distance
...
”
“Do you always impress women this way? Come and fly in my helicopter?” I ask, genuinely
interested
...
It’s another first for me
...

Oh, that was an unexpected answer
...
”
He smiles
...

I nod
...
”

“Why, thank you, Miss Steele,” he says politely
...

We ride into the dark night in silence for a while
...

“Sea-Tac tower to Charlie Tango
...
Please proceed
...
Over
...
Standing by, over and out
...

“What?” He glances at me
...

“Flying,” I reply
...
”
“Soaring?”
“Yes
...
Gliders and helicopters – I fly them both
...
” Expensive hobbies
...
I like reading and
occasionally going to the movies
...

“Charlie Tango come in please, over
...
Christian answers, sounding in control and confident
...
We are on the very outskirts now
...
Seattle
at night, from the sky…
“Looks good, doesn’t it?” Christian murmurs
...
It looks otherworldly – unreal – and I feel like I’m on a giant film set, José’s
favorite film maybe, ‘Bladerunner
...
I’m beginning
to feel a bit cruel not calling him back
...

“We’ll be there in a few minutes,” Christian mutters, and suddenly my blood is pounding in my ears
as my heartbeat accelerates and adrenaline spikes through my system
...
Oh my… I think I’m going to faint
...

We are now flying amongst the buildings, and up ahead I can see a tall skyscraper with a helipad on
top
...
It’s getting nearer and nearer, bigger
and bigger… like my anxiety
...

He’ll find me lacking in some way
...
I look smart
enough
...
I can do this
...
I chant this mantra as
the skyscraper looms below us
...
My
heart is in my mouth
...
He switches the ignition off and the rotor blades slow and quiet until
all I hear is the sound of my own erratic breathing
...

“We’re here,” he says softly
...
Dark
knight and white knight, it’s a fitting metaphor for Christian
...
His jaw is clenched
and his eyes are tight
...
His face is inches
from mine
...
You know that don’t you?” His tone is so
earnest, desperate even, his gray eyes impassioned
...

“I’d never do anything I didn’t want to do, Christian
...

But this does the trick
...

He eyes me warily for a moment and somehow, even though he’s so tall, he manages to ease his way
gracefully to the door of the helicopter and open it
...
It’s very windy on top of the building, and I’m nervous
about the fact that I’m standing at least thirty stories high in an unenclosed space
...

“Come,” he shouts above the noise of the wind
...
It’s warm inside and all mirrored glass
...

Christian taps another code into the keypad, then the doors close and the elevator descends
...
In the middle is a round, dark wood table, and on it is an
unbelievably huge bunch of white flowers
...
He opens two
double doors, and the white theme continues through the wide corridor and directly opposite where a
palatial room opens up
...
Huge is too small a word for it
...

To the right is an imposing ‘U’ shaped sofa that could sit ten adults comfortably
...

The fire is lit and flaming gently
...

All white with dark wood worktops and a large breakfast bar which seats six
...
And
tucked in the corner is a full size, shiny black grand piano
...

There is art of all shapes and sizes on all the walls
...

“Can I take your jacket?” Christian asks
...
I’m still cold from the wind on the helipad
...
I blink at him
...

“I’m going to have a glass of white wine, would you like to join me?”
“Yes, please,” I murmur
...
I walk over to the glass wall, and I realize
that the lower half of the wall opens concertina-style on to the balcony
...
I walk back to the kitchen area – it takes a few seconds, it’s so far from the glass wall
– and Christian is opening a bottle of wine
...

“Pouilly Fumé okay with you?”
“I know nothing about wine, Christian
...
” My voice is soft and hesitant
...
I want to run
...
Seriously over-the-top Bill Gates style wealthy
...

Yes, I want to be in Christian Grey’s bed
...
” He hands me a glass of wine
...
I take
a sip, and the wine is light, crisp, and delicious
...
In fact – I think this is the palest I’ve ever seen you,
Anastasia,” he murmurs
...
Not for food
...
”
“Big?”
“Big
...
I take another sip of wine
...

“Yes
...
”
“Of course you do
...
” He takes a sip of his wine
...
I feel them
following me as I turn and glance around this vast room
...

It’s not a room – it’s a mission statement
...
As I sit, I’m struck by the fact
that I feel like Tess Durbeyfield looking at the new house that belongs to the notorious Alec
D’Urberville
...

“What’s so amusing?” He sits down beside me, turning to face me
...

“Why did you give me Tess of the D’Urbervilles specifically?” I ask
...
I think he’s surprised by my question
...
”
“Is that the only reason?” Even I can hear the disappointment in my voice
...

“It seemed appropriate
...

“If there are only two choices, I’ll take the debasement
...
My subconscious is
staring at me in awe
...

“Anastasia, stop biting your lip, please
...
You don’t know what you’re saying
...
”
He frowns
...
Would you excuse me a moment?” He disappears through a wide doorway on the far side of the
room
...

“This is a non-disclosure agreement
...
“My
lawyer insists on it
...
I’m completely bemused
...
”
“And if I don’t want to sign anything?”
“Then it’s Angel Clare high ideals, well, for most of the book anyway
...
Anything, to anyone
...
Holy shit
...

“Okay
...
”
He hands me a pen
...
”
He frowns
...

“Christian, what you fail to understand is that I wouldn’t talk about us to anyone, anyway
...

So it’s immaterial whether I sign an agreement or not
...
I’ll sign
...

“Fair point well made, Miss Steele
...
Folding the other, I place it
my purse and take a large swig of my wine
...

“Does this mean you’re going to make love to me tonight, Christian?” Holy shit
...

“No, Anastasia it doesn’t
...
I fuck… hard
...
You could still run for the hills
...
”
My mouth drops open
...
But why are we looking at a
playroom? I am mystified
...
He laughs, loudly
...
Come
...
I let him lead me
back out to the corridor
...
We go up to the second floor and turn right
...

“You can leave anytime
...
It’s fine whatever you decide
...
”
He opens the door and stands back to let me in
...
I so want to know what’s in
here
...


And it feels like I’ve time-traveled back to the sixteenth century and the Spanish Inquisition
...


The first thing I notice is the smell; leather, wood, polish with a faint citrus scent
...
In fact, I can’t see the source, but it’s around the cornice in the room,
emitting an ambient glow
...
There is a large wooden cross like an X
fastened to the wall facing the door
...
Above it is an expansive iron grid suspended from the ceiling, eight-foot square
at least, and from it hang all manner of ropes, chains, and glinting shackles
...
From them swing a startling assortment of paddles, whips, riding crops, and funny-looking
feathery implements
...
I wonder briefly what the drawers actually do hold
...
There’s a stout six-foot-long table in the opposite corner –
polished wood with intricately carved legs – and two matching stools underneath
...
It’s bigger than king-size, an ornately carved rococo fourposter with a flat top
...
Under the canopy, I can see more gleaming
chains and cuffs
...
just a mattress covered in red leather and red satin cushions
piled at one end
...
An odd arrangement… to have a couch facing the bed, and I smile
to myself – I’ve picked on the couch as odd, when really it’s the most mundane piece of furniture in
the room
...
There are karabiners all over the ceiling at odd intervals
...
Weirdly, all the wood, dark walls, moody lighting, and oxblood

leather makes the room kind of soft and romantic… I know it’s anything but, this is Christian’s
version of soft and romantic
...
I
walk further into the room, and he follows me
...
I touch it
hesitantly
...

“It’s called a flogger,” Christian’s voice is quiet and soft
...
I think I’m in shock
...
I am numb
...
What is the appropriate response to finding out a potential lover is a
complete freaky sadist or masochist? Fear… yes… that seems to be the over-riding feeling
...
But weirdly not of him – I don’t think he’d hurt me, well, not without my consent
...

Why? How? When? How often? Who? I walk toward the bed and run my hands down one of the
intricately carved posts
...

“Say something,” Christian commands, his voice deceptively soft
...

“People?” He blinks a couple of times as he considers his answer
...
”
I don’t understand
...
”
“Oh,” I gasp
...
He likes to hurt women
...

“You’re a sadist?”
“I’m a Dominant
...

“What does that mean?” I whisper
...
”
I frown at him as I try to assimilate this idea
...

Please him! He wants me to please him! I think my mouth drops open
...
And I
realize, in that moment, that yes, that’s exactly what I want to do
...
It’s a revelation
...
His voice is hypnotic
...
Okay, I understand the pleasing bit,
but I am puzzled by the soft-boudoir-Elizabethan-torture set up
...
They are for your benefit and for my pleasure
...
If you don’t, I shall punish you, and you
will learn,” he whispers
...

“And where does all this fit in?” I wave my hand in the general direction of the room
...
Both reward and punishment
...
”
“It’s about gaining your trust and your respect, so you’ll let me exert my will over you
...
The more you submit, the greater my
joy – it’s a very simple equation
...

“Me,” he says simply
...
Christian rakes his hand through his hair as he gazes at me
...
“Let’s go back downstairs
where I can concentrate better
...
”
He holds his hand out to me, and now I’m hesitant to take it
...
How did she know? He’s dangerous to my health,
because I know I’m going to say yes
...

Part of me wants to run screaming from this room and all it represents
...

“I’m not going to hurt you, Anastasia
...
I take
his hand, and he leads me out of the door
...
” Rather than going back downstairs, he turns right out of the
playroom, as he calls it, and down a corridor
...

Beyond it is a bedroom with a large double bed, all in white…
everything, furniture, walls, bedding
...

“This will be your room
...
”
“My room? You’re expecting me to move in?” I can’t hide the horror in my voice
...
Just say, Friday evening through Sunday
...
If
you want to do this,” he adds, his voice quiet and hesitant
...
”
“Not with you
...
I told you, I don’t sleep with anyone, except you, when you’re stupefied with drink
...

My mouth presses in a hard line
...
Kind, caring Christian, who rescues
me from inebriation and holds me gently while I’m throwing up into the azaleas, and the monster who
possesses whips and chains in a special room
...
Come, you must be hungry
...

“You must eat, Anastasia,” he admonishes and, taking my hand, leads me back downstairs
...
I am on the edge of a precipice,
and I have to decide whether or not to jump
...
You must have some questions,” he says as he wanders into the kitchen area,
releasing my hand
...
But where to start?
“You’ve signed your NDA, you can ask me anything you want, and I’ll answer
...
He sets the plate down on the worktop and
proceeds to cut up a French baguette
...
” He points to one of the bar stools at the breakfast bar, and I obey his command
...
I realize he’s been this bossy since I met
him
...
”
“Yes
...
I need to know your limits,
and you need to know mine
...
”
“And if I don’t want to do this?”
“That’s fine,” he says carefully
...

“No
...
”
“Why?”
He shrugs
...
”
“How did you become this way?”
“Why is anyone the way they are? That’s kind of hard to answer
...
Jones – my housekeeper
– has left this for supper
...

We’re talking about cheese… Holy crap
...
We’ll go through them once we’ve eaten
...
How can I eat now?
“I’m really not hungry,” I whisper
...
Dominating Christian, it all becomes clear
...
”
He pours wine into my glass and comes to sit beside me
...

“Help yourself to food, Anastasia
...
This I can manage
...

“Have you been like this for a while?” I ask
...
”
“Is it easy to find women who want to do this?”
He raises an eyebrow at me
...

“Then why me? I really don’t understand
...
There’s something about you
...
” He smiles ironically
...
” His voice darkens
...
” He takes a deep breath and swallows
...

“I think you have that cliché the wrong way round
...
I am the moth and he is the flame, and
I’m going to get burnt
...

“Eat!”
“No
...
”
His eyes soften, and his lips turn up in a smile
...
”
“How many women?” I blurt out the question, but I’m so curious
...
”
Oh… not as many as I thought
...
”
“Have you ever hurt anyone?”
“Yes
...

“ Badly?”
“No
...
”
I think I feel a little faint
...
Alcohol - this will make me brave
...

“Yes
...
Before I can question him on this revelation further, he interrupts my train of
thought
...
I want to show you something
...
Here I was foolishly thinking that I’d spend a night of un-paralleled passion
in this man’s bed, and we’re negotiating this weird arrangement
...
He sits on the desk, motions for me to sit on a leather chair in front of him, and hands me
a piece of paper
...
They may be subject to change
...
Read these rules and let’s discuss
...
The Submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit
and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities which are outlined in hard limits
(Appendix 2)
...

Sleep:
The Submissive will ensure she achieves a minimum of seven hours sleep a night when she is not with
the Dominant
...
The Submissive will not snack between meals, with the exception of fruit
...
The Dominant
will provide a clothing budget for the Submissive, which the Submissive shall utilize
...
If the Dominant so requires,
the Submissive shall during the Term any adornments the Dominant shall require, in the presence of
the Dominant and any other time the Dominant deems fit
...
The personal
trainer will report to the Dominant on the Submissive’s progress
...
The Submissive will
visit a beauty salon of the Dominant’s choosing at times to be decided by the Dominant, and undergo
whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit
...

Personal Qualities:
The Submissive will not enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than the Dominant
...


She must recognize that her behavior is a direct reflection on the Dominant
...

Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate punishment, the nature of which
shall be determined by the Dominant
...

“Hard limits?” I ask
...
What you won’t do, what I won’t do, we need to specify in our agreement
...
It feels wrong
...

“I want to lavish money on you, let me buy you some clothes
...
I’m sure your salary, when you do get a job, won’t cover the
kind of clothes I’d like you to wear
...
”
“Okay
...

“I don’t want to exercise four times a week
...
Trust me, you need to exercise
...
”
“I thought this was a negotiation?”
He purses his lips at me
...
How about an hour on three days and one day half an
hour?”
“Three days, three hours
...
”
He smiles wickedly, and his eyes glow as if relieved
...
Okay, agreed
...
”
“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea
...
Waxing! Waxing what?
Everything? Ugh
...
These are mine
...


Hard Limits
No acts involving fire play
No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof No acts involving needles, knives,
piercing, or blood No acts involving gynecological medical instruments
No acts involving children or animals
No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin No acts involving breath control
Ugh
...

“Is there anything you’d like to add?” he asks kindly
...
I’ve no idea
...
He gazes at me and furrows his brow
...
”
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
I squirm uncomfortably and bite my lip
...
”
“Well, when you’ve had sex, was there anything that you didn’t like doing?”
For the first time in what seems to be ages, I blush
...
We have to be honest with each other or this isn’t going to work
...

“Tell me,” he commands
...
” My voice is small
...

“Never?” he whispers
...

“You’re a virgin?” he breathes
...
He closes his eyes and looks to be counting to
ten
...

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” he growls
...

Two hands – that’s double exasperation
...

“I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me,” he castigates me
...
I’m not in the habit of revealing my sexual status to everyone I meet
...
” I’m staring at my hands
...

“Well, you know a lot more about me now,” he snaps, his mouth presses into a hard line
...

“Hell, Ana, I just showed you,” he groans
...
Have you ever been kissed, apart
from by me?”
“Of course I have
...
Okay… maybe twice
...
You’re twenty-one,
nearly twenty-two
...
” He runs his hand through his hair again
...
I flush with pleasure
...
I knot my fingers together,
staring at them hard, trying to conceal my goofy grin
...
Where was she when I needed her?
“And you’re seriously discussing what I want to do, when you have no experience
...
“How have you avoided sex? Tell me, please
...

“No one’s really, you know
...
And you turn out to be some kind of
monster
...


“I’m not angry with you, I’m angry with myself
...
He regards me shrewdly
and then shakes his head
...

“No, unless you want me to go,” I murmur
...

“Of course not
...
” He frowns as he says this and then glances at his watch
...
” And he turns to look at me
...
” His voice is husky, and he’s eyeing me
speculatively
...
”
“Don’t apologize
...
”
I gasp… how can he say things like that to me and not expect me to be affected
...
”
“What?”
“We’re going to rectify the situation right now
...
Ana, I’m going to make love to you, now
...
” The floor has fallen away
...
I’m holding my breath
...
”
“I thought you didn’t make love
...
” I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry
...

“I can make an exception, or maybe combine the two, we’ll see
...

Please, come to bed with me
...
We can start your training tonight – with the basics
...
” His gray gaze is intense
...

“But I haven’t done all the things you require from your list of rules
...

“Forget about the rules
...
I want you
...
You wouldn’t be sitting here calmly discussing
punishment and hard limits if you didn’t
...
” He holds his hand out
to me, his eyes are bright, fervent… excited, and I put my hand in his
...
He runs

his fingers round the nape of my neck, winds my ponytail around his wrist, and gently pulls so I’m
forced to look up at him
...

“You are one brave young woman,” he whispers
...
”
His words are like some kind of incendiary device; my blood flames
...

“I want to bite this lip,” he murmurs against my mouth, and carefully he tugs at it with his teeth
...

“Please Ana, let me make love to you
...
His smile is triumphant as he releases me and takes my
hand and leads me through the apartment
...
The ceiling height windows look out on a lit up, high-rise Seattle
...
The enormous bed is ultra-modern, made of
rough, grey wood, like driftwood, four posts, but no canopy
...

I am quaking like a leaf
...
Finally, after all this time, I’m going to do it, with none other than
Christian Grey
...

He removes his watch and places it on top of a chest of drawers that matches the bed, and removes his
jacket, placing it on a chair
...

He is heart-stoppingly beautiful
...
He steps out of his Converse shoes and reaches down and takes his socks off
individually
...

“I assume you’re not on the pill
...

“I didn’t think so
...
He gazes
at me intently
...
“Do you want the blinds drawn?”
“I don’t mind
...
“I thought you didn’t let anyone sleep in your bed
...

“Oh
...

He strolls slowly toward me
...
My blood’s

pumping around my body
...
He stands in front of me, staring
down into my eyes
...

“Let’s get this jacket off, shall we?” he says softly, and takes hold of the lapels and gently slides my
jacket off my shoulders
...

“Do you have any idea how much I want you, Ana Steele?” he whispers
...
I cannot
take my eyes off his
...

“Do you have any idea what I’m going to do to you?” he adds, caressing my chin
...

The pain is so sweet and sharp I want to close my eyes, but I’m hypnotized by his gray eyes staring
fervently into mine
...
His lips are demanding, firm and slow, molding
mine
...
Slowly he peels it off me and lets it fall to the floor
...
I’m in the pale blue lacy perfect-fit bra
...

“Oh, Ana,” he breathes
...
I want to kiss every
single inch of it
...
Oh my… Why did he say he couldn’t make love? I will do anything he wants
...

“I like brunettes,” he murmurs, and both of his hands are in my hair, grasping each side of my head
...
I moan, and my tongue tentatively meets his
...
One hand remains in
my hair, the other travels down my spine to my waist and down to my behind
...

He holds me against his hips, and I feel his erection, which he languidly pushes into me
...
I can hardly contain the riotous feelings or is it hormones that
rampage through my body
...
Gripping his upper arms, I feel his biceps, he’s
surprisingly strong… muscular
...
Holy
Moses
...
I tug gently, and he groans
...
I think he’s going to push me down on to
it, but he doesn’t
...
He grabs my hips with both his hands
and runs his tongue around my navel, then gently nips his way to my hipbone, then across my belly to
my other hipbone
...

Seeing him on his knees in front of me, feeling his mouth on me, it’s so unexpected,, and hot
...

He gazes up at me through impossibly long lashes, his eyes a scorching smoky gray
...

Without taking his eyes off mine, his hands move beneath the waistband, skimming me and moving to
my behind
...
I
cannot look away
...
He leans forward, running
his nose up the apex between my thighs
...

There
...
He reaches up and tugs the duvet off the bed, then pushes me gently so I fall on
to the mattress
...
I raise
myself up on my elbows to see what he’s doing
...
He lifts my foot by the heel
and runs his thumbnail up my instep
...

I gasp
...
Shit
...
I fall back on to the bed, moaning
...

“Oh, Ana, what I could do to you,” he whispers
...
I’m lying on his bed dressed only in my bra and panties, and he’s staring down at
me
...
I can’t wait to be inside you
...
His words
...
He takes my breath away
...
”
What? I frown
...

I shake my head
...
” My voice is hoarse
...

“How do you make yourself come? I want to see
...

“I don’t,” I mumble
...

“Well, we’ll have to see what we can do about that
...
He undoes the buttons of his jeans and slowly pulls his jeans down, his eyes on mine the whole

time
...
He hovers over me
...

“Keep still,” he murmurs, and then he leans down and kisses the inside of my thigh, trailing kisses up,
over the thin lacy material of my panties, kissing me
...
How can I not move? I wriggle beneath him
...
” He trails kisses up my belly, and his tongue
dips into my navel
...

My skin is burning
...
He lay
down beside me, and his hand trails up from my hip, to my waist, and up to my breast
...

“You fit my hand perfectly, Anastasia,” he murmurs and dips his index finger into the cup of my bra
and gently yanks it down freeing my breast, but the under wire and fabric of the cup force it upward
...
My breasts swell, and my nipples harden
under his steady gaze
...
“Very nice,” he whispers appreciatively, and my
nipples harden even more
...
I groan, feeling the sweet sensation all the way to my groin
...

Oh please, I beg internally as my fingers clasp the sheet tighter
...

“Let’s see if we can make you come like this,” he whispers, continuing his slow, sensual assault
...

He just doesn’t stop
...
Holy
hell, what’s happening to me?
“Let go, baby,” he murmurs
...
He kisses me,
deeply, his tongue in my mouth absorbing my cries
...
That was extraordinary
...
He gazes down at me, a
satisfied smile on his face, while I’m sure there’s nothing but gratitude and awe on mine
...
“You’re going to have to learn to control that, and it’s going
to be so much fun teaching you how
...

My breathing is still ragged as I come down from my orgasm
...
Jeez
...
Briefly he closes his eyes, and his breathing hitches
...
God, I want you
...
He palms my clitoris, and I cry out once more
...
I groan
...
Pulling off his boxer briefs,
his erection springs free
...

He kneels up and pulls a condom on to his considerable length
...
” He leans down, his hands on either
side of my head, so he’s hovering over me, staring down into my eyes, his jaw clenched, eyes burning
...

“You really want to do this?” he asks softly
...

“Pull your knees up,” he orders softly, and I’m quick to obey
...
“Hard,” he
whispers, and he slams into me
...
He
stills, gazing down at me, his eyes bright with ecstatic triumph
...
He groans
...
You okay?”
I nod, my eyes wide, my hands on his forearms
...
He stays still, letting me acclimatize to
the intrusive, overwhelming feeling of him inside me
...

Oh
...
And he closes his eyes and groans, and thrusts into me again
...

“More?” he whispers, his voice raw
...
He does it once more, and stills again
...
My body accepting him… Oh, I want this
...

“Yes
...


And he moves, but this time he doesn’t stop
...
He moves slowly at first, easing himself in and out of me
...

He speeds up
...
He grasps my head between his hands and kisses me hard, his teeth pulling at
my lower lip again
...
I
start to stiffen as he thrusts on and on
...
Oh
my… I didn’t know it would feel like this… didn’t know it could feel as good as this
...
there’s only sensation
...
only me… oh please… I stiffen
...
And as he comes, he calls out my name,
thrusting hard, then stilling as he empties himself into me
...
Wow… that was astounding
...
Christian’s eyes flicker open and gaze down at me, dark but soft
...
Leaning down, he gently presses a kiss against my forehead then slowly pulls out
of me
...
” I wince at the unfamiliarity
...
He tucks a stray
strand of my hair behind my ear
...

“You are asking me if you hurt me?”
“The irony is not lost on me,” he smiles sardonically
...

I stretch out beside him, feeling loose-limbed, my bones like jelly, but I’m relaxed, deeply relaxed
...
I can’t stop grinning
...

Two orgasms… coming apart at the seams, like the spin cycle on a washing machine, wow
...
The pleasure was indescribable
...
” He’s frowning
...
He
looks glorious with his tousled hair, burning narrowed gray eyes, and serious, dark expression
...
For a moment, I think I see a fleeting look of relief on his face,
before the shutters come down, and he gazes at me through hooded eyes
...
He leans down and kisses me very gently at the
corner of my mouth
...
Turn on your front
...
He unhooks my bra and runs his hand down my back

to my behind
...
He shifts so that one of his legs pushes
between mine, and he’s half lying across my back
...

“Why are you wearing your shirt?” I ask
...
After a beat, he shuffles out of his shirt, and he lies
back down on me
...
Hmm… it feels heavenly
...

“So you want me to fuck you again?” he whispers in my ear, and he begins to trail feather light kisses
around my ear and down my neck
...

He pushes my knee up higher, and my breath hitches… oh my, what’s he doing now? He shifts so he’s
between my legs, pressed against my back, and his hand travels up my thigh to my behind
...

“I’m going to take you from behind, Anastasia,” he murmurs, and with his other hand, he grasps my
hair at the nape in a fist and pulls gently, holding me in place
...
I am pinioned
beneath him, helpless
...
“Only mine
...
” His voice is intoxicating, his words heady,
seductive
...

His long fingers reach round to gently massage my clitoris, circling slowly
...

“You smell divine,” he nuzzles behind my ear
...

Reflexively, my hips start to circle, mirroring his hand, as excruciating pleasure spikes through my
blood like adrenaline
...
The effect is mind-blowing – all my energy
concentrating on this one small space inside my body
...

“You like this?” he asks softly, his teeth grazing my outer ear, and he starts to flex his thumb slowly,
in, out, in, out… his fingers still circling
...
I moan again
...
So responsive
...
I like that a lot,”
he whispers
...
He’s pinning me down, keeping up a constant, slow,
tortuous rhythm
...
I moan again, and he moves suddenly
...
My eyes fly open, blinking
wildly
...
“Suck me, baby
...
I taste the saltiness on his thumb and the faint
metallic tang of blood
...
This is wrong, but holy hell is it erotic
...

Fuck my mouth! I moan, and I bite down on him
...

“Naughty, sweet girl,” he whispers, and then reaches over to the bedside table for a foil packet
...

He rips the foil while I’m breathing hard, my blood singing in my veins
...
He leans down, his weight on me again, and he grabs my hair holding my head immobile
...
I’m enticingly ensnared by him, and he’s poised and ready to take me once more
...

And slowly he eases into me, slowly, slowly, until he’s buried in me
...
I
groan loudly
...
I groan again, and he deliberately circles his hips
and pulls back, pauses a beat, and then eases his way back in
...
It’s driving me insane – his teasing, deliberately slow thrusts,
and the intermittent feeling of fullness is overwhelming
...
He pulls back and waits
...

“Oh, please,” I beg
...
My body is wound so tight, craving release
...

“Every time you move tomorrow, I want you to be reminded that I’ve been here
...
You are
mine
...

“Please, Christian,” I whisper
...
”
I groan again
...


“Tell me,” he murmurs
...
”
He increases the rhythm infinitesimally, and his breathing becomes more erratic
...

“You
...
So
...
“I
...
You
...
Much
...

“You
...
Mine
...

His words are my undoing, tipping me over the precipice
...
He collapses on top of
me, his face in my hair
...
Ana,” he breathes
...
I pull my
knees up to my chest, utterly spent, and immediately drift off or pass out into an exhausted sleep
...
I have no idea how long I’ve slept
...
Christian is nowhere to be seen
...
There are fewer lights on amongst the skyscrapers, and there’s a whisper of dawn in the east
...
The lilting notes of the piano, a sad, sweet lament
...

I wrap the duvet round me and quietly pad down the corridor toward the big room
...
His expression is sad and forlorn,
like the music
...
Leaning against the wall at the entrance, I listen enraptured
...
He sits naked, his body bathed in the warm light cast by a
solitary freestanding lamp beside the piano
...

I pad quietly toward him, enticed by the sublime, melancholy music
...
I flush and gasp at the memory and press my thighs together
...

“Sorry,” I whisper
...
”
A frown flits across his face
...
He finishes playing and puts his hands on his
legs
...
He runs his fingers through his hair and stands
...
My mouth goes dry as he casually strolls around

the piano toward me
...
He really is stunning
...

“That was a beautiful piece
...
”
“It was exquisite, but very sad, such a melancholy melody
...

“Bed,” he orders
...
”
“I woke and you weren’t there
...
I can’t fathom his
mood
...
Perhaps it was the tone of
the piece he was playing
...

“How long have you been playing? You play beautifully
...
”
“Oh
...

“How are you feeling?” he asks when we are back in the room
...

“I’m good
...
There’s blood on the sheets – evidence of my lost
virginity
...

“Well, that’s going to give Mrs
...
He puts his hand under my chin and tips my head back, staring down at me
...
I realize that I’ve not seen his naked chest before
...

Immediately, he steps back out of my reach
...
“I’ll come and lie down with you
...

I drop my hand and frown
...
He opens a chest of drawers and
pulls out a t-shirt and quickly slips it on
...
I climb back onto the bed, trying not to think about the blood
...
He kisses my hair gently, and he inhales deeply
...
Christian Grey has a sad side
...
I stretch out and open my eyes
...
Wow, what a view
...
Wow, what a view
...
He’s facing me, and I have an
unprecedented opportunity to study him
...
His
sculptured, pouty lips are parted slightly, and his shiny, clean hair is a glorious mess
...
I
shake my head, so much to think about
...
I don’t have to worry about what I’m saying, what he’s saying,
what plans he has, especially his plans for me
...
Slipping out of bed, I find his white
shirt on the floor and shrug it on
...
Lines and lines of expensive suits, shirts, shoes, and
ties
...
Actually, Kate’s wardrobe
probably rivals this
...
I didn’t think about her all evening
...
Crap
...
I wonder briefly how she’s getting on with Elliot
...
I try the other door
...
Why does one man need so much space? Two sinks, I notice with irony
...

I stare at myself in the gigantic mirror above the sinks
...
I feel a
little sore, if I’m honest, and my muscles - jeez it’s like I’ve never done any exercise in my life
...

She’s staring at me with pursed lips, tapping her foot
...
In fact, he has very odd ideas about you, wants to make you
some sort of kinky sex slave
...

I wince as I look in the mirror
...
Honestly, fancy falling for a man
who’s beyond beautiful, richer than Croesus, and has a Red Room of Pain waiting for me
...

I’m bewildered and confused
...
Just-fucked hair doesn’t suit me
...

I’m starving
...
Sleeping beauty is still sleeping, so I leave him and head
for the kitchen
...
I left my purse in Christian’s study
...
Three texts
...
When she doesn’t answer, I leave her a groveling message to tell her I am alive and have
not succumbed to Bluebeard, well not in the sense she would be worried about – or perhaps I have
...
I have to try and categorize and analyze my feelings for Christian Grey
...
I shake my head in defeat
...

I find two welcome hair ties at the same time in my bag and quickly tie my hair in pigtails
...
I take my iPod out of the bag and plug my
headphones in
...
I slip it into the breast pocket of Christian’s
shirt, turn it up loud, and start dancing
...

I am daunted by his kitchen
...
It takes
me a few seconds to deduce that I have to push the cupboard doors to open them
...
He was eating an omelet the other day… um, yesterday at the Heathman
...
I check in the fridge, where there are plenty of eggs, and
decide I want pancakes and bacon
...

Being busy is good
...
Music blaring in my ears also
helps to stave off deep thought
...
I smile, mission accomplished
...
I grin
...
His words, his body, his lovemaking… I
close my eyes as my body hums at the recollection, and my muscles contract deliciously deep in my
belly
...
I
ignore her, but deep down I know she has a point
...

There is a state-of-the-art range
...
I need somewhere to keep the pancakes
warm, and I start on the bacon
...
This song used to mean
so much to me, that’s because I’m a misfit
...
Why is he this way? Nature or Nurture? It’s
so alien to anything I know
...
I turn, and Christian is
sitting on one of the bar stools at the breakfast bar, leaning on it, his face supported by his steepled
hands
...
Just-fucked hair really, really suits him, as does his
designer stubble
...

I freeze, flush, then gather myself and pull the headphones out of my ears, my knees weak at the sight
of him
...
You’re very energetic this morning,” he says dryly
...
His lips try to mask his smile
...
” He pauses and frowns
...
”
“Are you hungry?”
“Very,” he says with an intense look, and I don’t think he’s referring to food
...
”
“I don’t know where you keep your placemats
...

“I’ll do that
...
Would you like me to put some music on so you can continue your… err…
dancing?”
I stare down at my fingers, knowing that I am turning puce
...
It’s very entertaining
...

I purse my lips
...

I turn and continue to whisk the eggs, probably beating them a little harder than they need
...
He gently pulls my pigtail
...
“They won’t protect you
...
He smiles
...

I turn back to the task at hand, trying to hide my smile
...
Especially when he’s
being so uncharacteristically playful
...
I pour the egg mix into a pan, pull out the bacon and turn it over, and put it back

under the grill
...

“Would you like some tea?”
“Yes, please
...
”
I find a couple of plates and place them in the warming tray of the range
...
I purse my lips
...

What does he mean by that? Our negotiations? Our, err… relationship… whatever that is? He’s still
so cryptic
...
I hunt in the
refrigerator and find some maple syrup
...

“Miss Steele
...

“Mr
...
” I nod in acknowledgement
...

“Just how sore are you?” he asks as he sits down
...

I flush
...
“Did you wish to offer your
commiserations?” I ask too sweetly
...

“No
...
”
“Oh
...
Ooh…
that’s so nice
...

“Eat, Anastasia
...

“This is delicious, incidentally
...

I try a forkful of omelet but can barely taste it
...
Does that
form part of basic training?
“Stop biting your lip
...

I dunk my teabag in the small pot that Christian has provided
...

“What sort of basic training did you have in mind?” I ask, my voice slightly too high, betraying my

wish to sound as natural, disinterested, and calm as I can with my hormones wreaking havoc through
my body
...
”
I choke on my tea, and I stare at him, eyes wide and gaping
...
I cannot tell what he’s thinking
...
I glance up at him, trying to recover my equilibrium
...
It’s so frustrating
...
If that’s okay
...
”
“What time do you have to be at work tomorrow?”
“Nine
...
”
I frown
...
”
“We can get you some here
...
His hand comes up, and he grasps my chin, tugging it so
my lip is released from the grip of my teeth
...

“What is it?” he asks
...
”
His mouth is a hard line
...
“Now eat your breakfast
...
My appetite has vanished
...
I’m just not hungry
...
You didn’t eat last night
...

His eyes narrow
...
”
“What is it with you and food?” I blurt
...

“I told you, I have issues with wasted food
...
His eyes are dark, pained
...
What is that all about? I pick up my fork and eat slowly, trying to chew
...
His expression
softens as I carefully make my way through my breakfast
...
He waits for
me to finish, and then he clears my plate
...
”
“That’s very democratic
...
” He frowns
...
After I’ve done this, we’ll take a bath
...
” Oh my… I’d much rather have a shower
...
It’s Kate
...
” I wander over to the glass doors of the balcony, away from him
...

“I’m sorry, I was overtaken by events
...
”
“Did you?” She’s fishing for information
...

“Kate, I don’t want to talk over the phone
...

“You did… I can tell
...
I’ve signed a damned agreement
...
”
“What was it like? Are you okay?”
“I’ve told you I’m okay
...

“Ana, don’t hold out on me, I’ve been waiting for this day for nearly four years
...
” I hang up
...
She’s so tenacious, and she wants to know – in detail,
and I can’t tell her because I’ve signed a – what was it called? NDA
...
I need a plan
...

“The NDA, does it cover everything?” I ask tentatively
...
I flush
...
” I stare down at my fingers
...
”
“You can ask me
...
” My voice fades
...
I’ll get your biased, kinky-as-hell,
distorted world-view regarding sex
...
“It’s just about mechanics
...
”
He raises his eyebrows
...
Believe me,” he says
...
“Your room-mate is making the beast with two backs with my brother
...
”
“Does your family know about your… um predilection?”
“No
...
” He saunters toward me until he’s standing in front of me
...
I squirm inwardly
...

“Nothing specific at the moment,” I whisper
...
He’s
anxious to know
...

“Good,” I murmur
...

“Me too,” he murmurs
...
There’s a lot to be said for it
...
” He runs his thumb across my lower lip
...
Vanilla sex?
“Come, let’s have a bath
...
My heart leaps and desire pools way down
low… way down there
...
Christian leans over and fills it from
the faucet on the tiled wall
...
It foams as the

bath fills and smells of sweet sultry Jasmine
...

“Miss Steele
...

I’m standing in the doorway, wide-eyed and wary, my arms wrapped around myself
...
He is just yummy
...
I take his hand, and he bids me to step into the bath while I am
still wearing his shirt
...
I’ll have to get used to it if I’m going to take him up on his
outrageous offer… if! The water is enticingly hot
...
I do as I’m bid
...

“I know that lip is delicious, I can attest to that, but will you stop biting it?” he says through clenched
teeth
...

“Yeah,” he challenges
...
” He glares at me
...
I had no idea I could
affect him so
...
” He reaches forward and takes my iPod out of the breast pocket, and he puts it by the sink
...
He reaches down, grasps the hem of my
white shirt, lifts it above my head, and discards it on the floor
...
I’m naked for heaven’s sake
...

“Hey,” he summons me
...
“Anastasia, you’re a very
beautiful woman, the whole package
...
You have nothing to
be ashamed of, and it’s a real joy to stand here and gaze at you
...
They are soft and warm, heated even
...
He’s so close
...

“You can sit down now
...
Ooh… it stings
...
I lie back and briefly close my eyes, relaxing in the soothing warmth
...

“Why don’t you join me?” I ask, bravely I think – my voice husky
...
Move forward,” he orders
...
The water rises as he sits and pulls me against
his chest
...
I gasp in surprise
...


“You smell so good, Anastasia
...
I am naked, in a bath with Christian Grey
...
If someone had told me I’d be doing this when I woke up in his hotel suite yesterday, I
would not have believed them
...
He rubs his hands together, creating a soft, foaming lather, and he closes his hands around my
neck and starts to rub the soap into my neck and shoulders, massaging firmly with his long, strong
fingers
...
His hands on me feel good
...

“Hmm
...
I’m so glad Kate insisted
I shave
...
My body bows instinctively, pushing my breasts into his
hands
...
Very tender, no doubt from his less-than-delicate treatment of them last
night
...
My breathing
increases, and my heart is racing
...
It’s such a turn-on
knowing that it’s my body making him feel this way
...
My subconscious sneers
...

He stops and reaches for a washcloth as I pant against him, wanting… needing
...
Squirting more soap on to the washcloth, he leans down and washes between
my legs
...
His fingers skillfully stimulating me through the cloth, it’s heavenly, and
my hips start moving at their own rhythm, pushing against his hand
...
The pressure is
building slowly, inexorably inside me … oh my
...
“Feel it
for me
...

“Oh… please,” I whisper
...
I am in a sexual thrall to this
man, and he doesn’t let me move
...
What! No! No! No!
My breathing is ragged
...

“Because I have other plans for you Anastasia
...


“Turn around
...

Oh! Turning to face him, I’m shocked to find he has his erection firmly in his grasp
...

“I want you to become well acquainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favorite and most
cherished part of my body
...
”
It’s so big and growing
...
I glance up
at him and come face to face with his wicked grin
...
I realize
that I’m staring
...
That was inside me! It doesn’t seem possible
...

Hmm… okay, bring it on
...
I do as he’s done,
lathering the soap in my hands until they are foamy
...
My lips are parted
to accommodate my breathing… very deliberately I gently bite my bottom lip and then run my tongue
across it, tracing where my teeth have been
...
I reach forward and place one of my hands around him, mirroring how
he’s holding himself
...
Wow… feels much firmer than I expect
...
“Like this,” he whispers, and he moves his hand up and down with a firm
grip round my fingers, and my fingers tighten around him
...
When he opens them again, his gaze is scorching molten gray
...
”
He releases my hand, leaving me to continue alone, and closes his eyes as I move up and down his
length
...
A low groan
escapes from deep within his throat
...
I remember him pushing his thumb in my
mouth and asking me to suck, hard
...
I lean
forward, while he has his eyes closed, and place my lips around him and tentatively suck, running my
tongue over the tip
...
” His eyes fly open, and I suck harder
...

“Christ,” he groans, and he closes his eyes again
...
He groans again
...
I can do
this
...
I twirl my tongue around the tip again, and he flexes his hips
...
His teeth are clenched as he flexes again, and I push him
deeper into my mouth, supporting myself on his thighs
...
He
reaches up and grabs my pigtails and starts to really move
...
I suck harder, flicking my tongue across the head of his
impressive erection
...
His breath

hisses between his teeth, and he groans
...
How far can you go?” he whispers
...
My tongue swirls around the end
...
I suck
harder and harder, pushing him deeper and deeper, swirling my tongue round and round
...
My
inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves
...
“If you don’t want me to,
stop now
...
Need for my mouth
...

Holy crap
...
I can do this
...
It tips him over the edge
...
I swallow quickly
...
But one look at him, and he’s come apart in the bath because of me,
and I don’t care
...
His breathing is ragged
...
“Don’t you have a gag reflex?” he
asks, astonished
...
” He frowns
...
”
I smile and consciously bite my lip
...

“Have you done that before?”
“No
...

“Good,” he says complacently and, I think, relieved
...
”
He looks appraisingly at me
...
Come, let’s go to bed, I owe you an
orgasm
...
My inner goddess has stopped dancing and is staring too, mouth open and
drooling slightly
...
He wraps a small towel around his
waist, covering the essentials, and holds out a larger fluffy white towel for me
...
He wraps me in the towel, pulls me into his arms, and kisses me hard,
pushing his tongue into my mouth
...
I’m
soon lost in his kiss
...
He looks lost
...

I frown, not understanding
...
To being mine
...
He kisses me again, sweetly, passionately, before he stands back and stares at me,
blinking slightly
...
Stunned
...

In his bedroom, he stares down at me as we stand by his bed
...
I nod, wide-eyed with the sudden realization that I do trust him
...

“Good girl,” he breathes, his thumb brushing my bottom lip
...

“Knit your hands together in front of you,” he orders as he peels the towel off me and throws it on the
floor
...
His eyes are bright
with wild excitement
...
It’s secure
...
What now? My pulse has gone through the roof, my heart beating a frantic tattoo
...

“You look so young with these,” he murmurs and moves forward
...
He drops his towel, but I can’t take my eyes off his face
...

“Oh, Anastasia, what shall I do to you?” he whispers as he lowers me on to the bed, lying beside me,
and raising my hands above my head
...
This is not a man I want to cross… ever
...

“I won’t move my hands
...

“Good girl,” he murmurs and deliberately licks his lips slowly
...
He’s staring into my eyes, watching me, appraising
...

“I’m going to kiss you all over, Miss Steele,” he says softly, and he cups my chin, pushing it up giving
him access to my throat
...
My body leaps to attention… everywhere
...
My heated blood pools low in my belly, between my legs, right down there
...

I want to touch him
...
He
stops kissing me and glares up at me, shaking his head from side to side, tutting as he does
...

“Don’t move your hands, or we just have to start all over again,” he scolds me mildly
...

“I want to touch you
...

“I know,” he murmurs
...

He cups my chin again and starts to kiss my throat as before
...

His hands run down my body and over my breasts as he reaches the dip at the base of my neck with his
lips
...
Each one is kissed and nipped
gently and my nipples tenderly sucked
...

My hips start swaying and moving of their own accord, grinding to the rhythm of his mouth on me,
and I’m desperately trying to remember to keep my hands above my head
...
Reaching my navel, he dips his tongue inside,
and then gently grazes my belly with his teeth
...
“Hmm
...
” His nose glides along the line between my belly and my pubic hair, biting me gently,
teasing me with his tongue
...

Holy shit
...

Watching and assessing my every reaction, he tenderly kisses each of my toes then bites each one of
them softly on the pads
...

He glides his tongue up my instep – and I can no longer watch him
...
I’m going to combust
...
He kisses my ankle and trails kisses up my calf to my knee, stopping just
above
...

“Oh, please,” I moan as he bites my little toe, the action resonating deep in my belly
...

This time he doesn’t stop at my knee, he continues up the inside of my thigh, pushing my thighs apart
as he does
...
He’s going to kiss me there! I know it
...
He turns to my other knee and kisses his way up my thigh, kissing, licking, sucking, and
then he’s between my legs, running his nose up and down my sex, very softly, very gently
...

He stops, waiting for me to calm
...

“Do you know how intoxicating you smell, Miss Steele?” he murmurs, and keeping his eyes on mine,
he pushes his nose into my pubic hair and inhales
...
I can’t watch him do that!
He blows gently up the length of my sex
...
” He gently tugs at my pubic hair
...
”
“Oh… please,” I beg
...
”
I groan
...
“But
you’ve pleased me today, and you should be rewarded
...

“Aargh!” I moan as my body bows and convulses at the touch of his tongue
...
I’m losing all sense of
self, every atom of my being concentrating hard on that small, potent powerhouse at the apex of my
thighs
...

“Oh, baby
...
”
He moves his finger in a wide circle, stretching me, pulling at me, his tongue mirroring his actions,
round and round, I groan
...
I let
go, losing all cogent thought as my orgasm seizes me, wringing my insides again and again
...

I cry out, and the world dips and disappears from view as the force of my climax renders everything
null and void
...
Very slowly he eases into me and starts to move
...
The feeling is sore and sweet, and bold and gentle all at once
...

“Fine
...
And he really starts to move, fast, hard, and large, thrusting into me over and
over, implacable, pushing me and pushing me until I am close to the edge again
...

“Come for me, baby
...


“Thank fuck,” he whispers, and he thrusts hard once more and groans as he reaches his climax,
pressing himself into me
...

Collapsing on top of me, I feel his full weight forcing me into the mattress
...
I know in that moment that I would do anything for this man
...
The wonder that he’s introduced me to, it’s beyond anything I could have imagined
...
Oh… what
to do?
He leans up on his elbows and stares down at me, gray eyes intense
...
“If you give yourself to me, it will be so much better
...
”
His words echo my thoughts
...
I am still reeling from my
extraordinary physical reaction to him, and I gaze up at him blankly, grasping for a coherent thought
...
It takes a moment to
process what I can hear
...
He’s never in bed at this time
...
”
“Mrs
...
”
“Taylor
...
”
“Mrs
...
”
“What do you mean he’s not alone?”
“He has someone with him
...

Christian blinks rapidly, staring down at me, wide-eyed with humored horror
...
”

He pulls out of me suddenly
...
He sits up on the bed and throws the used condom in a
wastebasket
...
” He grins, leaps up off the
bed, and pulls on his jeans, no underwear! I struggle to sit up as I’m still tethered
...
”
His grin widens, and leaning down, he undoes the tie
...
It’s… sexy
...
He’s amused, his eyes dancing with mirth
...

“Another first,” he acknowledges, but I have no idea what he’s talking about
...
” I am filled with sudden panic, and considering what I’ve just
experienced, I’m finding the panic overwhelming
...
I have no clean clothes, and
she’s practically walked in on us in flagrante delicto
...
”
“Oh, no, you don’t,” Christian threatens
...
” He’s slipped on a white
t-shirt and runs his hand through his just-fucked hair
...
Will I ever get used to looking at this beautiful man?
His beauty is derailing
...
Please don’t worry
...
Get dressed
...
” His mouth presses into a
hard line
...
My t-shirts are in this drawer
...
Help yourself
...


Holy shit
...
This is so much more than I bargained for
...
Might help me understand why Christian is the way he is…
Suddenly, I want to meet her
...
I find my blue bra under the bed and dress quickly
...
I rifle through Christian’s chest of
drawers and come across his boxer briefs
...

Grabbing my jacket, I dash into the bathroom and stare at my too-bright eyes, my flushed face – and
my hair! Holy crap… just-fucked pigtails do not suit me either
...
It will have to do
...
I despair at my clothes
...

My subconscious purses her lips and mouths the word ‘ho’
...
Struggling into my jacket,
pleased that the cuffs cover the tell-tale patterns from his tie, I take a last anxious glance at myself in
the mirror
...
I make my way into the main living room
...
” Christian stands from where he’s lounging on the couch
...
The sandy-haired woman beside him turns and beams at me,
a full megawatt smile
...
She’s impeccably attired in a camel-colored fine knit sweater
dress with matching shoes
...

“Mother, this is Anastasia Steele
...
”
Dr
...
T… for Trevelyan?
“What a pleasure to meet you,” she murmurs
...
I grasp her hand, and I can’t help but smile,
returning her warmth
...
Trevelyan-Grey,” I murmur
...
“I am usually Dr
...
Grey is my
mother-in-law
...
“So how did you two meet?” She looks questioningly at Christian, unable
to hide her curiosity
...
”
Double crap
...

“So you are graduating this week?” Grace asks
...
”
My cell phone starts ringing
...


“Excuse me
...
I wander over and lean across the breakfast bar, not checking the
number
...
”
“Dios mio! Ana!” Holy crap, it’s José
...
“Where are you? I’ve been trying to
contact you
...
Why haven’t you returned my
calls?”
“Look José, now’s not a good time
...
I turn my back to him
...

“I’m in Seattle
...
I can’t talk to you now
...

I walk as nonchalantly back to Christian and his mother
...

“… And Elliot called to say you were around – I haven’t seen you for two weeks, darling
...

“I thought we might have lunch together, but I can see you have other plans, and I don’t want to
interrupt your day
...
He
kisses her briefly, sweetly
...

“I have to drive Anastasia back to Portland
...
Anastasia, it’s been such a pleasure
...
”
She holds her hand out to me, her eyes glowing, and we shake
...
Grey?” he asks
...
” He escorts her from the room and through the double doors to the foyer
...

“So the photographer called?”
Crap
...
”

“What did he want?”
“Just to apologize, you know – for Friday
...

“I see,” he says simply
...

“Mr
...
”
Christian nods curtly at him
...
”
Taylor nods at me
...
”
I smile tentatively back at him, and he turns and leaves
...
” His tone is clipped
...
His mouth presses in a hard line, and he makes a call
...
He listens, watching me, gray eyes speculative, as I stand in the
middle of the huge room wondering what to do with myself, feeling extraordinarily self-conscious and
out of place
...
No, cancel… We’ll air drop instead… Good
...
The warmth in his eyes has disappeared
...

“This is the contract
...
May I suggest you do some research,
so you know what’s involved
...
“That’s if you agree, and I really hope you do
...

“Research?”
“You’ll be amazed what you can find on the Internet,” he murmurs
...

“I don’t have a computer
...
”
He hands me a manila envelope
...
Grab your things, we’ll drive back to Portland and grab some
lunch on the way
...
”
“I’ll just make a call,” I murmur
...
He frowns
...
I blink at him
...
Remember that
...

Holy crap
...
What happened to the generous, relaxed, smiling man who was making love to me not half
an hour ago?
“Ready?” Christian asks as we stand by the double doors to the foyer
...
He’s resumed his distant, polite, uptight persona, his mask back up and on show
...
Why does he need that? Perhaps he’s staying in Portland, and
then I remember graduation
...

He’s wearing a black leather jacket
...
He looks like a boy from the wrong side of the tracks,
maybe a badly behaved rock star or a catwalk model
...
He’s so calm and controlled
...

Taylor is hovering in the background
...

“Yes sir
...

“The R8
...
Grey
...
” Taylor looks kindly at me, though perhaps there’s a hint of pity
hidden in the depths of his eyes
...
Grey’s dubious sexual habits
...
I frown at the thought
...
That’s something I am going to have to address with Christian
...


Taylor holds the door open for us and ushers us through
...
“What is it,
Anastasia?” he asks
...

“Stop biting your lip, or I will fuck you in the elevator, and I don’t care who gets in with us
...
“Christian, I
have a problem
...

The elevator arrives
...

“Well,” I flush
...
I’ve so many questions about sex, and you’re
too involved
...
“I just don’t have any terms of reference
...

“Talk to her if you must
...
“Make sure she doesn’t mention anything to Elliot
...
Kate isn’t like that
...

“Well, the difference is that I don’t want to know about his sex life,” Christian murmurs dryly
...
But only about what we’ve done so far,” he warns
...

“Okay,” I agree readily, smiling up at him, relieved
...

His lip quirks up at me, and he shakes his head
...

“Stop all what?”
“You, defying me
...
He grabs my hand and leads me into the underground garage
...
It’s one of those cars that should have a very leggy
blonde, wearing nothing but a sash, sprawled across the hood
...

He glances up and grins
...
It warms my heart
...
Boys and their toys
...
He opens the door
for me and I climb in
...
He moves round the car with easy grace and folds his long
frame elegantly in beside me
...
It’s a lovely day, we can take the top down
...

In fact there should be two
...
“And sunglasses if you want them
...
He places his bag in the space behind our seats,
presses a button, and the roof slowly reclines
...

“Gotta love Bruce,” he grins at me and eases the car out of the parking space, and up the steep ramp
where we pause for the barrier
...
I reach into the glove box and retrieve the
baseball caps
...
He likes baseball? I pass him a cap, and he puts it on
...

People stare at us as we drive through the streets
...
Christian seems oblivious, lost in
thought
...
Bruce
is singing about being on fire and his desire
...
I flush as I listen to the words
...
He’s got his Ray-Bans on so I can’t see what he’s thinking
...
My breath hitches
...

Not for food
...
”
His mouth tightens into that hard line
...
“I know a great place near Olympia
...
” He
squeezes my knee again, and then returns his hand to the steering wheel as he puts his foot down on
the gas
...
Boy this car can move
...
The décor is rustic:

random chairs and tables with gingham tablecloths, wild flowers in little vases
...

“I’ve not been here for a while
...
” He raises his eyebrows in mock horror, and I have to laugh
...
She flushes when she sees Christian, avoiding eye contact with him, hiding under her long
blonde bangs
...
I purse my lips,
exasperated
...

“I wanted a Diet Coke,” I whisper
...

“The Pinot Grigio here’s a decent wine, it will go well with the meal, whatever we get
...

“Whatever we get?”
“Yes
...
I can’t help but reflect his glorious smile back at him
...

“Really?” His words make me flush with pleasure
...
She’s always thought I was gay
...
Oh no
...

“Because she’s never seen me with a girl
...

“You remembered
...
”
“Oh
...

“It has?”

“I’ve never slept with anyone, never had sex in my bed, never flown a girl in Charlie Tango, never
introduced a woman to my mother
...

The waitress arrives with our glasses of wine, and I immediately take a quick sip
...
He narrows his eyes at me again
...
“Me too,” he adds
...
He laughs
...
No toys, no added extras
...
“You know… well actually
you don’t, but that’s what it means
...
” I thought it was chocolate fudge brownie sex that we had, with a cherry on the top
...
We both stare at it rather dubiously
...
I don’t think
she likes to be ignored by Christian
...
It’s delicious
...
I giggle, and he cocks his head to
one side
...

“Why have you never had vanilla sex before? Have you always done… err, what you’ve done?” I ask,
intrigued
...

“Sort of
...
He frowns for a moment and seems to be engaged in some kind of
internal struggle
...
“One of my mother’s friends seduced me when
I was fifteen
...
” Holy shit that’s young!
“She had very particular tastes
...
” He shrugs
...
” My brain has frozen, stunned into inactivity by this admission
...
” His eyes glow with insight
...


“I didn’t really have a run-of-the-mill introduction to sex
...

“So you never dated anyone at college?”
“No
...

The waitress takes our plates, interrupting us for a moment
...

He smiles sardonically
...
”
“I didn’t want to
...
And besides, she’d have beaten the shit out of me
...

Oh, this is way too much information – but I want more
...

“Old enough to know better
...
”
“Do you still… err… ?” I flush
...
” He shakes his head and smiles indulgently at me
...
”
“Oh
...

“Of course not
...
What a revelation
...
I take a large slug of Pinot Grigio – he’s right, of course, it’s
delicious
...
I need time to process this, when I’m
on my own, not when I’m distracted by his presence
...
He knows what it’s like
...

“Well, it was, though I didn’t see her all the time
...
After all, I was still at school and
then at college
...
”
“I’m really not hungry, Christian
...

His expression hardens
...

I stare at him
...

“Give me a moment,” I mutter quietly
...

“Okay,” he murmurs, and he continues with his meal
...
I frown
...
It’s very tasty
...
“You, ordering me around?” I can’t quite
bring myself to look at him
...

“I see
...

I sincerely doubt that
...

“It’s a big step,” I murmur and eat
...
” He closes his eyes briefly
...

“Anastasia, you have to go with your gut
...
I’ll be in Portland until Friday if you want to talk about it before then
...
“Call me – maybe we can have dinner – say, Wednesday? I really want to
make this work
...
”
His burning sincerity, his longing, is reflected in his eyes
...

Why me? Why not one of the fifteen? Oh no… Will that be me – a number?
Sixteen of many?
“What happened to the fifteen?” I blurt
...


“Various things, but it boils down to,” he pauses, struggling to find the words I think
...
” He shrugs
...
”
“So you’re not seeing any of them anymore?”
“No, Anastasia, I’m not
...
”
Oh… this is news
...
”
“Do the research, Anastasia
...
I cannot eat any more
...
He scowls at me but chooses not to say anything
...

My stomach is churning with all this new information, and I’m feeling a little lightheaded from the
wine
...
He eats like a horse
...
The memory of the way his PJ’s hung from his hips comes unbidden to my mind
...
I squirm uncomfortably
...

“I’d give anything to know what you’re thinking right at this moment,” he murmurs
...

He smiles a wicked smile at me
...

“I’m glad you can’t read my mind
...
” His
voice is suggestive
...

He motions for the waitress and asks for the check
...

“Come
...
This contact, flesh to flesh, it’s what is
so unexpected from him, normal, intimate
...

We are quiet on the drive from Olympia to Vancouver, both lost in our own thoughts
...
The lights are on – Kate is at home
...
He switches off the engine, and I realize I’m going to
have to leave him
...
I don’t want him to go
...

“No
...

I stare down at my hands, as I knot my fingers together
...

He’s leaving
...
My heart leaps into my mouth
...
It’s been… the best
...

“Wednesday,” I whisper
...
He climbs out, comes round to my side, and
opens the passenger door
...
I must not let
him see me like this
...
I turn and gaze at him midway
...

“Oh… by the way, I’m wearing your underwear
...
Christian’s mouth drops open, shocked
...
My mood shifts immediately, and I sashay into the house, part of me wanting to jump and
punch the air
...

Kate is in the living area packing up her books into crates
...
Where’s Christian? How are you?” Her voice is fevered, anxious, and she bounds up to
me, grabbing my shoulders, minutely analyzing my face before I’ve even said hello
...
It’s not a healthy mix
...
” She grins
mischievously
...

I blush
...
All of it
...
But I have to
give her some details, because she won’t leave me alone until I do
...
Very good, I think,” I say quietly, trying to hide my embarrassed tell-all smile
...

“Did he make you come?”
Holy crap
...
I go scarlet
...

Kate pulls me to the couch and we sit
...

“That is good
...
“It was your first time
...
”
Oh Kate, if only you knew
...

“Oh?” This has me interested, something she’s never divulged before
...
High school, dickless jock
...
“He was rough
...
We were
both drunk
...
Ugh
– it took me months before I decided to have another go
...
I was
too young
...
”
“Kate, that sounds awful
...

“Yeah, took almost a year to have my first orgasm through penetrative sex and here you are… first
time?”
I nod shyly
...

“I’m glad you lost it to someone who knows their ass from their elbow
...
“So when
are you seeing him again?”
“Wednesday
...
”
“So you still like him?”
“Yes
...
”
“Why?”
“He’s complicated, Kate
...
”
Great excuse
...
Much better than – he’s got a Red Room of Pain, and he wants to make
me his sex slave
...
Elliot said it’s very unusual for Christian to date
anyone
...

Too obvious, Steele! My subconscious glares at me, wagging her long skinny finger, then morphs into
the scales of justice to remind me he could sue if I disclose too much
...
It’s like I’ve been given a
school assignment
...
I flush, remembering my A for this morning’s bath
experiment
...
”
“You look different,” Kate says fondly
...
Sore,” I confess
...
” I flush
...
Men,” she says in mock disgust
...
” We both laugh
...

“Yes… overuse
...

“Tell me about Elliot the over-user,” I ask when I’ve stopped giggling
...
Grey from afar
...

Kate blushes
...
She gives
me a dewy-eyed look
...

My jaw drops to the floor
...
“He’s just so… Everything
...
” She can hardly
string a sentence together she’s got it so bad
...
”
She nods, grinning like a lunatic
...
He’s going to help us move
...
Moving
...

“That’s helpful of him,” I say appreciatively
...
Perhaps he can give me more
insight into his strange, disturbing brother
...
She cocks her head at me and raises her eyebrows in a what-dothink-stupid-look
...
” She grins at me
...
”
“I feel overwhelmed
...
”
“Yeah, I could see how he could be
...
“I’m really hungry, shall I cook?”
She nods and picks up two more books to pack
...

“I’m going to return them to him
...
I can’t accept it, especially now
...

“I understand
...
He
sounded desperate
...
If I tell Kate about José, she’ll have him for breakfast
...

“Hey, I have interviews! The week after next, in Seattle, for intern placements!”
“For which publishing house?”
“For both of them!”
“I told you your GPA would open doors, Ana
...
Her father knows someone, who
knows someone
...

Kate wanders into the kitchen, and for the first time this evening, she’s disconsolate
...
Part of me doesn’t want to go, but it’s tempting to lie in the sun for a couple of
weeks
...
”
I have never left continental US
...
I’ll be Kateless in our new apartment
...
Ethan has been traveling
the world since he graduated last year
...
He’s
such a lovely guy
...

“That’ll be José
...
I know I have to talk to him
...

“Hi
...

“Obviously
...

He’s silent for a moment
...
I was drunk… and you… well
...
”
“Of course, I forgive you José
...
You know I don’t feel like that about you
...

“I know, Ana
...
”
“José, I love you dearly, you mean so much to me
...

That’s not going to change
...
” I hate to let him down, but it’s the truth
...

“José, I’m not with anybody
...
”
“That’s none of your business!”
“Is it the money?”
“José! How dare you!” I shout, staggered by his audacity
...
I cannot deal with his petty jealousy now
...


“Maybe we can have a coffee or something tomorrow
...
” I am conciliatory
...
But right now, I don’t need this
...
You’ll call?” The hope in his voice twists my heart
...
” I hang up, not waiting for his response
...
I decide honesty is the policy
...

“He made a pass at me on Friday
...
What was the stupid
fool thinking?” She shakes her head in disgust and returns to packing crates
...

Kate opens a bottle of wine, and we sit amongst the boxes eating, quaffing cheap red wine, and
watching crap TV
...
It’s so grounding and welcome after the last forty-eight hours
of… madness
...
What is it about him
and food? Kate clears the dishes, and I finish packing up the living room
...
What more could we need? Just the kitchen and our bedrooms left to
pack up, and we have the rest of the week
...
It’s Elliot
...
I
know that she should be writing her Valedictorian speech, but it seems Elliot is more important
...

I flick through the TV channels, but deep down I know I’m procrastinating
...
Do I have the strength and the wherewithal to read it tonight?
I put my head in my hands
...

José is easy to deal with
...
Part of me wants to run and hide
...
I gasp
...
It just can’t be about sex, can it? I recall his gentle banter this
morning at breakfast, his joy at my delight with the helicopter ride, him playing the piano – the sweet
soulful oh-so-sad music
...
And now I have an insight as to why
...
Robinson figure… no wonder he’s old before his
time
...
I’m too naïve to
know exactly what, but the research should shed some light
...


If I’d not met him, I’d still be sweetly and blissfully oblivious
...
Do I want to say goodbye to that?
No! Screams my subconscious… my inner goddess nods in silent zen-like agreement with her
...
Perhaps she’s in love – I gape at her
...

“Ana, I’m off to bed
...
”
“Me too, Kate
...

“I’m glad you’re back in one piece
...
I give her a small, reassuring smile – all the while thinking… How the hell does she
know? This is what will make her a great journalist, her unfaltering intuition
...
I am weary from all our carnal exertions of
the last day and from the complete and utter dilemma that I’m faced with
...
Do I really want to
know the extent of Christian’s depravity? It’s so daunting
...


There are several papers inside the envelope
...


CONTRACT
Made this day_________ of 2011 (“The Commencement Date”) BETWEEN
MR
...


FUNDAMENTAL TERMS
2 The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow the Submissive to explore her sensuality and
her limits safely, with due respect and regard for her needs, her limits and her wellbeing
...
Additional limits and safety procedures may be agreed in writing
...
If during the
Term (as defined below) or any extended term of this contract either party should be diagnosed with
or become aware of any such illness he or she undertakes to inform the other immediately and in any
event prior to any form of physical contact between the parties
...
Any breach shall
render it void with immediate effect and each party agrees to be fully responsible to the other for the
consequence of any breach
...


ROLES
7 The Dominant shall take responsibility for the wellbeing and the proper training, guidance, and
discipline of the Submissive
...

8 If at any time the Dominant should fail to keep to the agreed terms, limitations and safety
procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above the Submissive is
entitled to terminate this contract forthwith and to leave the service of the Dominant without notice
...
Subject to the agreed terms, limitations and safety procedures set out in this contract or
agreed additionally under clause 3 above she shall without query or hesitation offer the Dominant such
pleasure as he may require and she shall accept without query or hesitation his training, guidance and
discipline in whatever form it may take
...

11 This contract shall be effective for a period of three Calendar Months from The Commencement
Date (“The Term”)
...
Either party may propose the extension of this contract subject to adjustments to its
terms, or to the arrangements they have made under it
...


AVAILABILITY
12 The Submissive will make herself available to the Dominant from Friday evenings through to
Sunday afternoons each week during the Term at times to be specified by the Dominant (“the Allotted
Times”)
...

13 The Dominant reserves the right to dismiss the Submissive from his service at any time and for any
reason
...


LOCATION
14 The Submissive will make herself available during the Allotted Times and agreed additional times
at locations to be determined by the Dominant
...


SERVICE PROVISIONS
15 The following service provisions have been discussed and agreed and will be ad-hered to by both
parties during the Term
...
In
such circumstance further clauses may be proposed by way of amendment
...

DOMINANT
15
...
The
Dominant shall not at any time require, request, allow or demand the Submissive to participate at the
hands of the Dominant in the activities detailed in Appendix 2 or in any act that either party deems to
be unsafe
...
The remaining sub-clauses of this clause 15 are to
be read subject to this proviso and to the fundamental matters agreed in clauses 2-5 above
...
2 The Dominant accepts the Submissive as his, to own, control, dominate and discipline during the
Term
...

15
...

15
...

15
...
The
Dominant may flog, spank, whip or corporally punish the Submissive as he sees fit, for purposes of
discipline, for his own personal enjoyment, or for any other reason, which he is not obliged to provide
...
6 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that no permanent
marks are made upon the Submissive’s body nor any injuries incurred that may require medical
attention
...
7 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that the discipline
and the instruments used for the purposes of discipline are safe, shall not be used in such a way as to
cause serious harm and shall not in any way exceed the limits defined and detailed in this contract
...
8 In case of illness or injury the Dominant shall care for the Submissive, seeing to her health and
safety, encouraging and when necessary ordering medical attention when it is judged necessary by the
Dominant
...
9 The Dominant shall maintain his own good health and seek medical attention when necessary in
order to maintain a risk-free environment 15
...


15
...

15
...

SUBMISSIVE
15
...

15
...

15
...

15
...

15
...

15
...

15
...

15
...

15
...


15
...
The Submissive shall keep her eyes cast down and maintain a quiet and respectful
bearing in the presence of the Dominant
...
23 The Submissive shall always conduct herself in a respectful manner to the Dominant and shall
address him only as Sir, Mr
...

15
...


ACTIVITIES
16 The Submissive shall not participate in activities or any sexual acts that either party deems to be
unsafe or any activities detailed in Appendix 2
...


SAFEWORDS
18 The Dominant and the Submissive recognize that the Dominant may make demands of the
Submissive that cannot be met without incurring physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or other harm
at the time the demands are made to the Submissive
...
Two Safewords will be invoked
depending on the severity of the demands
...

20 The Safeword “Red” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive
cannot tolerate any further demands
...


CONCLUSION
21 We the undersigned have read and understood fully the provisions of this contract
...

________________________
The Dominant: Christian Grey
Date
________________________
The Submissive: Anastasia Steele
Date
APPENDIX 1

RULES
Obedience:
The Submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without hesitation or
reservation and in an expeditious manner
...
She will do so eagerly and without hesitation
...

Food:
The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and wellbeing from a prescribed list of foods
(Appendix 4)
...

Clothes:
During the Term the Submissive will wear clothing only approved by the Dominant
...

The Dominant shall accompany the Submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis
...

Exercise:
The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with a personal trainer four times a week in hour-long
sessions at times to be mutually agreed between the personal trainer and the Submissive
...

Personal Hygiene/Beauty:
The Submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times
...
All costs will be met by the Dominant
...


Personal Qualities:
The Submissive will not enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than the Dominant
...
She must recognize
that her behavior is a direct reflection on the Dominant
...

Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate punishment, the nature of which
shall be determined by the Dominant
...

No activity that involves the direct contact of electric current (whether alternating or direct), fire or
flames to the body
...
I can’t bring myself to even consider the food list
...


My head is buzzing
...
Serve and obey in all things
...
Actually, doesn’t the marriage ceremony use those words…
obey? This throws me
...
I’ll never see Kate or whatever friends I may make at my new job – provided I get
one
...
Perhaps when I have my period, that
sounds… practical
...

I shudder at the thought of being flogged or whipped
...
And tied up? Well he did tie my hands together
...
He won’t loan me to another Dominant –
damn right he won’t
...
Why am I even thinking about this?
I can’t look him in the eye
...
Actually, whom am I kidding, I never know what he’s thinking, but I like looking into his
eyes
...
I
recall his burning smoky gaze and press my thighs together, squirming
...
Well, no surprise there
...
I put my
head in my hands
...
I need some sleep
...
All the
physical shenanigans I’ve been engaged in over the last twenty-four hours have been, frankly,
exhausting
...
As José would say, a real mindfuck
...

I scramble up and change quickly
...
I want
something cuddly and reassuring around me
...

I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror
...
My inner goddess is jumping up
and down, clapping her hands like a five-year-old
...

The only man I’ve ever been attracted to, and he comes with a bloody contract, a flogger, and a whole
world of issues
...
My inner goddess stops jumping and smiles
serenely
...

I flush at the memory of his hands and his mouth on me, his body inside mine
...
I want to do that again and again
...

Am I submissive? Maybe I come across that way
...
I’m shy,

yes… but submissive? I let Kate bully me – is that the same? And those soft limits, jeez
...

I wander back to my bedroom
...
I need a clear head – a fresh morning
approach to the problem
...

Tomorrow… tomorrow is another day
...
Oh, I wish I’d never met him
...
She and I know
it’s a lie
...

I close my eyes, and I drift into a heavy sleep with occasional dreams of four-poster beds and shackles
and intense gray eyes
...

“Ana, I’ve been calling you
...
”
My eyes reluctantly open
...
I glance at my alarm
...
Holy Moses, I’ve slept for a solid nine hours
...

“There’s a man here with a delivery for you
...
”
“What?”
“Come on
...
It looks interesting
...
I clamber out of bed and grab my dressing gown hanging on the back of my door
...

“Hi,” I mumble
...
” Kate scuttles off to the kitchen
...

“Yes,” I answer cautiously
...
”
“Really? At this time?”
“Only following orders, ma’am
...

Did he just call me ma’am? Have I aged ten years overnight? If I have, it’s that contract
...


“Okay, what is it?”
“It’s a MacBook Pro
...
” I roll my eyes
...
”
How come that does not surprise me? I sigh heavily
...
”
I wander into the kitchen to join Kate
...
She’s slept well too
...
”
“Why’s he sent you a laptop? You know you can use mine,” she frowns
...

“Oh, it’s only on loan
...
” My excuse sounds feeble
...
Oh my… I have hoodwinked Katherine Kavanagh
...
She hands me my tea
...
It has a very large screen
...

“It’s got the latest OS and a full suite of programs, plus a one-point-five terabyte hard drive so you’ll
have plenty of room, thirty-two gigs of RAM – what are you planning to use it for?
“Uh… email
...
“And maybe
Internet research?” I shrug apologetically
...

“Well, this has full wireless N, and I’ve set it up with your Me account details
...
” He looks longingly at it
...
”
I have an email address?
He points to an icon on the screen and continues to talk at me but it’s like white noise
...
Just tell me how to switch
it on and off – I’ll figure out the rest
...
Kate whistles,
impressed when she sees it
...
” She raises her eyebrows at me
...

I scowl at her but can’t keep a straight face
...
He finishes up and asks me to sign the delivery note
...
My heart leaps into my mouth
...

Nervously, I open it
...
I hope that you put this laptop to good use, as discussed
...

Happy to answer any questions before then, via email, should you so desire
...

I hit reply
...

I understood that this computer was on loan, ergo not mine
...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Your New Computer (on loan)
Date: May 23 2011 08:22
To: Anastasia Steele
The computer is on loan
...

I note from your tone that you have read the documentation I gave you
...

I can’t help but grin
...

I do not want or need a computer indefinitely
...
Sir
...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Your New Computer (again on loan)
Date: May 23 2011 08:26
To: Anastasia Steele
Laters, baby
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
How can I resist playful Christian? I am going to be
late for work
...
and Mrs
...
I race
into the shower, unable to shake my face-splitting grin
...
I’m like a small, giddy child
...
As I wash my hair, I try and think what I could possibly ask him via
email
...
Suppose someone hacked into his account? I
flush at the thought
...

José phones at eleven
...
José my friend, not a – what did Christian
call him? Suitor
...

“Sure
...
Can you make it here for say twelve?”
“See you then
...

José is punctual
...


“Ana,” he smiles his dazzling toothy all-Hispanic-American smile, and I can’t be angry with him
anymore
...
” I hug him
...
I’ll just let Mrs
...
”
As we stroll to the local coffee shop, I slip my arm through José’s
...
Someone I know and understand
...
“You’ve really forgiven me?”
“José, you know I can never stay mad at you for long
...

I can’t wait to get home
...

Kate is out somewhere, so I fire up the new laptop and open my email
...
I’m practically bouncing out of my seat with glee
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Working for living
Date: May 23 2011 17:48

To: Christian Grey
Sir… I had a very good day at work
...

Ana
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Do The Work!
Date: May 23 2011 17:50
To: Anastasia Steele
Miss Steele
Delighted you had a good day
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
Grey, stop emailing me, and I can start my assignment
...

Ana
I hug myself
...

I’d like to award another A
...
;)
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
I fire up Google
...
Grey
What would you suggest I put into a search engine?
Ana
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Internet Research
Date: May 23 2011 18:02
To: Anastasia Steele

Miss Steele
Always start with Wikipedia
...
Understood?
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...

You are so bossy
...

Well, maybe an inkling now
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...

Half an hour later, I feel slight queasy and frankly shocked to my core
...
Oh my, some of this stuff is HOT
...
I need to think
...
I find my nasty, never-used sneakers, some
sweat pants, and a t-shirt
...
I can’t sit in front of that marvel of technology and look at or read any more
disturbing material
...
Quite frankly, I have a
mind to run to the Heathman hotel and just demand sex from the control freak
...

Kate is walking from her car as I head out of the door
...
Ana Steele in sneakers
...
I need some serious alone time
...

I pace through the park
...

Perhaps I should negotiate what I want
...
My research has told me that legally it’s unenforceable
...
I figure that it just sets up the parameters of the relationship
...
Am I prepared to give him that? Am I even
capable?
I am plagued by one question - why is he like this? Is it because he was seduced at such a young age? I
just don’t know
...

I stop beside a large spruce and put my hands on my knees, breathing hard, dragging precious air into
my lungs
...
I can feel my resolve hardening
...
I need to tell him what’s okay and what isn’t
...
I take a deep cleansing breath, then jog back to the apartment
...

Mainly bikinis and matching sarongs
...
There are only so many ways one can say – you
look fabulous Kate
...
She doesn’t do it on purpose, I know, but I

haul my sorry, perspiration clad, old t-shirt, sweat pants, and sneakers ass into my room on the pretext
of packing more boxes
...
I email Christian
...

It was nice knowing you
...
Will he find it as funny? Oh shit
– probably not
...
But I know it exists, I’ve
experienced it
...
I wait for his answer
...
I glance at my alarm clock
...

To distract myself from the anxiety that blooms in my belly, I start doing what I told Kate I would be
doing – packing up my room
...

By nine, I’ve heard nothing
...
I pout petulantly as I plug my iPod ear buds in, listen to
Snow Patrol, and sit down at my small desk to re-read the contract and make my comments
...
He’s wearing
his grey flannel pants and a white linen shirt, gently twirling his car keys
...
Fuck!
“Good evening, Anastasia
...
The
capacity to speak deserts me
...
Vaguely, I’m aware
that I’m still in my sweats, un-showered, yucky, and he’s just gloriously yummy, his pants doing that
hanging from the hips thing, and what’s more, he’s here in my bedroom
...

I open my mouth and then close it again, twice
...
Never in this or any alternative
universe did I expect him to drop everything and turn up here
...
The power of speech remains elusive
...


“I wondered what your bedroom would look like,” he says
...

My room is functional but cozy – sparse white wicker furniture and a white iron double bed with a
patchwork quilt, made by my mother when she was in her folksy American quilting phase
...

“It’s very serene and peaceful in here,” he murmurs
...
Finally,
my medulla oblongata recalls its purpose, I breathe
...

“I’m still at the Heathman
...

“Would you like a drink?” Politeness wins out over everything else I’d like to say
...
” He smiles a dazzling, crooked smile, his head cocked slightly to one side
...

“So, it was nice knowing me?”
Holy cow, is he offended? I stare down at my fingers
...

“I thought you’d reply by email
...

“Are you biting your lower lip deliberately?” he asks darkly
...

“I wasn’t aware I was biting my lip,” I murmur softly
...
I can feel that pull, that delicious electricity between us charging, filling the
space between us with static
...
Leaning forward, he slowly undoes one of my pigtails, his fingers freeing
my hair
...
I watch hypnotized as his hand moves to my
second pigtail, and pulling the hair tie, he loosens the braid with his long, skilled fingers
...
His fingers gently tuck
my hair behind my ear
...
It’s so sexual
...
I’m all rabbit/headlights, moth/flame, bird/snake…

and he knows exactly what he’s doing to me
...
”
“And you decided that it was nice knowing me? Do you mean knowing me in the biblical sense?”
Oh shit
...

“I didn’t think you were familiar with the Bible
...
It taught me a great deal
...
Perhaps you were taught from a modern
translation
...

“Well, I thought I should come and remind you how nice it was knowing me
...
I stare at him open mouthed, and his fingers move from my ear to my chin
...
His lips are parted – he’s waiting, coiled
to strike
...

I take pre-emptive action and launch myself at him
...

His tongue is in my mouth, claiming and possessing me, and I revel in the force he uses
...
He wants me, and this does strange, delicious things to my insides
...
Robinson
...
This beautiful man wants
me
...
He stops kissing me, and opening
my eyes, I find him gazing down at me
...

I nod, wide-eyed, my heart bouncing off my ribs, my blood thundering around my body
...
He moves so quickly, sitting astride me as he
fastens my wrists together, but this time, he ties the other end of the tie to one of the spokes of my
white iron headboard
...
I’m not going anywhere
...

He slides off me and stands beside the bed, staring down at me, his eyes dark with want
...


“That’s better,” he murmurs and smiles a wicked, knowing smile
...
Oh no… no… my feet
...
I’ve just been running
...

He stops
...
If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you
...
Katherine is probably outside listening right now
...

He removes my shoes and my socks efficiently and slowly peels off my sweat pants
...

“Now then
...
“You’re biting that lip, Anastasia
...
” He places his long index finger over my mouth, a warning
...
I can barely contain myself, lying helpless, watching him move gracefully around my room,
it’s a heady aphrodisiac
...

“I think you’ve seen too much,” he chuckles slyly
...
And because it’s folded over – I cannot see a
thing through it
...
“This just gets better and better
...
”
Leaning down, he kisses me, his lips tender against mine, and his weight shifts off the bed
...
Get a drink
...
I can make out low rumblings, and I know he’s talking to Kate – oh no…
he’s practically naked
...
What’s that? He
returns, the door creaking once more, his feet padding across the bedroom floor, and ice tinkling
against glass as it swirls in liquid
...
They drop to the floor, and I know he’s naked
...

“Are you thirsty, Anastasia?” he asks, his voice teasing
“Yes,” I breathe, because my mouth is suddenly parched
...
It’s white wine
...

“More?” he whispers
...
It tastes all the more divine because it’s been in his mouth
...

“Let’s not go too far, we know your capacity for alcohol is limited, Anastasia
...
I grin, and he leans down to deliver another delicious mouthful
...
Oh, I want him inside me
...

I tense
...
He slowly and leisurely trails chilled kisses down the center of my body,
from the base of my throat, between my breasts, down my torso, and to my belly
...

It burns all the way down to the depths of my belly
...

“Now you have to keep still,” he whispers
...
”
My hips flex automatically
...
If you spill the wine, I will punish you, Miss Steele
...
Oh no…
please
...

Leaning down, he kisses and tugs at each of my nipples in turn with cool, cold lips
...

“How nice is this?” he breathes, blowing on one of my nipples
...
I moan, struggling not to move
...

“If you spill the wine, I won’t let you come,”
“Oh… please… Christian… Sir… Please
...
I hear him smile
...
I am beyond warm – warm and chilled and wanting
...
Now
...
My skin is oversensitive, my hips flex automatically,
and the now warmer liquid from my navel seeps over my belly
...

“Oh dear, Anastasia, you moved
...
All I can concentrate on is his voice and his touch
...
Nothing
else matters, nothing else registers on my radar
...

“Oh, baby,” he murmurs and he pushes two fingers inside me
...

“Ready for me so soon,” he says
...

“You are a greedy girl,” he scolds softly, and his thumb circles my clitoris and then presses down
...
He reaches up and pushes the t-shirt over
my head so I can see him as I blink in the soft light of my sidelight
...

“I want to touch you,” I breathe
...
He leans down and kisses me, his fingers still moving rhythmically inside me,
his thumb circling and pressing
...
His tongue mirrors the actions of his fingers, claiming me
...
He gentles his hand, so I’m brought back from the brink
...
It’s so frustrating… Oh please Christian, I scream in my head
...
Is this nice?” he breathes in my ear
...
I’m helpless, lost in an erotic torment
...

“How shall I fuck you, Anastasia?”
Oh… my body starts to quiver
...

“Please
...

“Shall I fuck you this way, or this way, or this way? There’s an endless choice,” he breathes against
my lips
...
He kneels up
between my legs, and very slowly he pulls my panties off, staring down at me, his eyes gleaming
...
I watch fascinated, mesmerized
...

“I meant it as a joke,” I whimper
...


He raises his eyebrows as his hand moves up and down his impressive length
...

“Yes
...

“Are you laughing now?”
“No,” I mewl
...
He stares down at me for a moment, measur-ing my need,
then he grabs me suddenly and flips me over
...
He pushes both my knees up the bed so my behind is in the air,
and he slaps me hard
...
I cry out – from the slap and from his
sudden assault, and I come instantly again and again, falling apart beneath him as he continues to slam
deliciously into me
...
I’m spent
...

then I’m building again… surely not… no…
“Come on, Anastasia, again,” he growls through clenched teeth, and unbelievably, my body responds,
convulsing around him as I climax anew, calling out his name
...

He collapses on top of me, breathing hard
...

Oh my
...
He rises immediately and
dresses
...
I flex my fingers and rub my wrists, smiling at the woven pattern imprinted on my wrists
from the tie
...
I stare up at him completely
dazed, and he smirks down at me
...

“There’s that word again
...
It doesn’t do it for me at all
...
”
“I’m a beneficial effect, now am I? Could you wound my ego any further, Miss Steele?”
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your ego
...


“You think?” His voice is soft
...

“Why don’t you like to be touched?”
“I just don’t
...
“So, that email was your idea of
a joke
...

“I see
...
I have issues though
...

“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t
...
”
“Coitus Interruptus
...
” I smile
...
I thought you were saying no, no discussion at all
...

“I don’t know yet
...
Will you collar me?”
He raises his eyebrows
...
I don’t know, Anastasia
...
”
Oh… should I be surprised by this? I know so little about the scene… I don’t know
...

“Yes
...
Robinson?”
“Mrs
...

I grin back at him
...
”
“You still talk to her regularly?” I can’t keep the shock out of my voice
...
” He’s serious now
...

“I see
...
“So you have someone you can discuss your alternative lifestyle with, but
I’m not allowed
...

“I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it like that
...
Robinson was part of that lifestyle
...
If you’d like, I can introduce you to one of my former subs, you could talk to
her
...
” He’s bemused as he shakes his head earnestly
...

He stares at me, at sea, surprised
...
A first, I think
...
”
“I’m not offended
...
”
“Appalled?”
“I don’t want to talk to one of your ex-girlfriends… slave… sub… whatever you call them
...

“Are you staying?”
“I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow at the Heathman
...
Friday and Saturday night were exceptions
...
” I can hear the resolve behind his soft, husky voice
...

“Well I’m tired now
...

“Yes
...
” He eyes me speculatively
...
”
“No
...

“God, I’d like to give you a good hiding
...
”
“You can’t say things like that… I haven’t signed anything yet
...
” He leans over me and grasps my chin
...

“Wednesday,” I agree
...
If you give me a minute
...
Amused and reluctant, he gets up off the bed
...
”
He collects them from the floor and hands them to me
...
” He’s trying unsuccessfully to hide his smile
...
My hair is a state, and I know I’ll have to face the
Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition after he’s gone
...
She is not in the living area
...
Christian follows me out
...
I’m no longer angry with him, I feel suddenly unbearably
shy
...
For the first time, I’m wishing he was – normal – wanting a normal
relationship that doesn’t need a ten-page agreement, a flogger, and karabiners in his playroom ceiling
...
This is the first time I have ever had sex in my
home, and as sex goes, I think it was pretty damn fine
...
My subconscious shakes her head
...
She crosses her arms and
taps her foot with a what-are-you-complaining-about-look on her face
...
His brow creases slightly
...

“Yes
...
I feel a paradigm shift
...
He’s not capable, interested, or willing to offer me any more… and I
want more
...
The surge of jealousy I felt only moments ago tells me that I have deeper
feelings for him than I have admitted to myself
...
Something changes while he’s
kissing me, his lips grow more urgent against mine, his hand moves up from my chin and he’s holding
the side of my head, his other hand on the other side
...
He deepens the kiss,
leaning into me
...


I want to run them through his hair, but I resist, knowing that he won’t like it
...

“Anastasia,” he whispers
...

Taking a deep breath, he kisses my forehead and leaves
...
Glancing up as he opens his car door, he smiles his
breathtaking smile
...
I close the front door as he climbs into his sporty car
...

Dashing back to my bedroom, I close the door and lean against it trying to rationalize my feelings
...
Sliding to the floor, I put my head in my hands as my tears begin to flow
...

“Ana?” she whispers
...
She takes one look at me and throws her arms around me
...
”
She pulls me to my bed and we sit
...
”
In spite of my poignant sadness, I laugh
...
”
Kate smiles
...
Why are you crying? You never cry
...

“I just don’t think our relationship is going to go anywhere
...

“I thought you said you were going to see him on Wednesday?”
“I am, that was our original plan
...
”
“Asking him to drop by?”
“No, saying I didn’t want to see him anymore
...
”
“Actually it was a joke
...
Now I’m really confused
...

“So you thought he’d reply by email
...
”
“But instead he turns up here
...
”
“I’d say he’s completely smitten with you
...
Christian, smitten with me? Hardly
...
My heart tightens painfully
...

“He came here to fuck me, that’s all
...
I’ve shocked Kate
...
I shrug apologetically
...
”
“Fuck you into submission?” She shakes her head disapprovingly
...
Oh… spot on, Katherine Kavanagh, Pulitzer Prize-winning
journalist
...
He doesn’t do the love thing
...
He has commitment issues
...
Inwardly, I pine
...
I wish I could tell you everything, everything
about this strange, sad, kinky guy, and you could tell me to forget about him
...


“I guess it’s all a little overwhelming,” I murmur
...
Because I
don’t want to talk about Christian any more, I ask her about Elliot
...

“He’s coming over early Saturday to help load up
...
Kate has found herself a normal man, and she looks so happy
...

“Oh, I meant to say
...
Apparently Bob has sustained
some injury, so your mom and he can’t make graduation
...
He
wants you to call
...
my mom never called me
...
Call her in the morning
...
”
“Thanks, Kate
...
I’ll call Ray in the morning too
...
” She smiles, but
her eyes crinkle at the corners with concern
...
When I’ve finished, I
fire up the laptop, ready to respond
...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: This evening
Date: May 23 2011 23:16
To: Anastasia Steele
Miss Steele
I look forward to receiving your notes on the contract
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
Grey
Here is my list of issues
...

The numbers refer to clauses:
2: Not sure why this is solely for MY benefit – ie to explore MY sensuality and limits
...

4: As you are aware you are my only sexual partner
...
I’m probably safe
...
Okay – I like this
...

11: One month trial period
...

12: I cannot commit every weekend
...
Perhaps three out of four?
15
...
”
15
...
I’m not sure I want to be whipped, flogged, or corporally punished
...
And also “for any other reason”
...

15
...
But I’m glad it’s here in black
and white
...
14: The Rules
...

15
...
What’s the problem with this? You know I don’t do
it anyway
...
21: Discipline – Please see clause 15
...

15
...
24: Why can’t I touch you?
Rules:
Sleep – I’ll agree to 6 hours
...
The food list goes or I
do – Deal breaker
...
okay
...


Soft Limits:
Can we go through all of these? No Fisting of any kind
...

Can you please let me know the arrangements for Wednesday? I am working until 5pm that day
...

Ana
From: Christian Grey
Subject: This evening
Date: May 24 2011 00:07
To: Anastasia Steele
Miss Steele
That’s a long list
...


From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Burning the midnight oil
Date: May 24 2011 00:10
To: Christian Grey
Sir
If you recall I was going through this list, when I was distracted and bedded by a passing control freak
...

Ana
From: Christian Grey

Subject: Stop Burning the midnight oil
Date: May 24 2011 00:12
To: Anastasia Steele
GO TO BED ANASTASIA
...

Oh… shouty capitals! I switch off
...
My heart still heavy, I climb into bed and fall instantly into a deep but troubled
sleep
...
It’s been a relatively peaceful day at
the Clayton’s, allowing me far too much time to think
...
Control Freak tomorrow, and at the back of my mind, I’m worried that perhaps I’ve been too
negative in my response to the contract
...

My mom is oozing contrition, desperately sorry not to make my graduation
...
Honestly, he’s as accident-prone as I am
...

“Ana honey, I’m so sorry,” my mom whines down the phone
...
Ray will be there
...
There’s an obscenely rich guy I’ve met and he wants some kind of
strange kinky sexual relationship, in which I don’t get a say in things
...
” I am so not going there right now
...
I love you… you know that honey?”I close my
eyes, her precious words give me a warm glow inside
...
Say hi to Bob, and I hope he gets better fast
...
Bye
...
”
I have strayed into my bedroom with the phone
...
There’s an email from Christian from late last night or very early this morning,
depending on your point of view
...
Holy crap… perhaps he’s said no – that’s it – maybe he’s canceling dinner
...
I dismiss it quickly and open the email
...

submissive [s uhb-mis-iv] – adjective 1
...

2
...

Origin: 1580–90; submiss + -ive
Synonyms: 1
...
2
...
Antonyms: 1
...

Please bear this in mind for our meeting on Wednesday
...

My initial feeling is one of relief
...
After some thought, I reply
...
I would respectfully remind Sir that the year is 2011
...

May I offer a definition for you to consider for our meeting: compromise [kom-pr uh-mahyz] - noun
1
...
, by reciprocal modification of demands
...
the result of
such a settlement
...
something intermediate between different things: The split-level is a compromise
between a ranch house and a multistoried house
...
an endangering, esp
...
: a compro-

mise of one’s integrity
...
I will collect you from your apartment at 7:00 tomorrow
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: 2011 – Women can drive
Date: May 24 2011 18:40
To: Christian Grey
Sir
I have a car
...

I would prefer to meet you somewhere
...

Do you ever think you’ll be able to do what you’re told?
Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
Grey
I would like to drive
...

Ana
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Exasperated Men
Date: May 24 2011 18:52
To: Anastasia Steele
Fine
...

I’ll meet you in the Marble Bar
...

He’s even grumpy by email
...

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Not So Intractable Men
Date: May 24 2011 18:55
To: Christian Grey
Thank you
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
He’s driving down on Thursday for graduation
...
My heart swells talking to Ray, and a huge lump knots in my throat
...
We have a special bond that I treasure
...
It’s been
too long
...
Maybe I can channel my inner Ray for
my meeting tomorrow
...
When I finally go to
bed, having almost finished packing my room, I feel calmer
...
I want a good night’s sleep
...

Paul is back from Princeton before he sets off for New York to start an internship with a financing
company
...
It’s annoying
...
”
“No, you don’t, you’re just saying that to avoid me
...
”
Yes… you’d think you’d take the hint
...
”
“You’re finishing here on Friday
...
”

“And I’ll be in Seattle as of Saturday and you’ll be in New York soon
...
Besides, I do have a date this evening
...
”
“Who then?”
“Paul… oh
...
He’s not going to let this go
...
” I cannot help the
annoyance in my voice
...
Paul’s mouth falls open, and he gapes at me, struck
dumb
...

“You have a date with Christian Grey,” he says finally, once he’s over the shock
...

“Yes
...
” Paul looks positively crestfallen, stunned even, and a very small part resents that he should
find this a surprise
...
She makes a very vulgar and unattractive gesture at
him with her fingers
...

Kate has lent me two dresses and two pairs of shoes for tonight and for graduation tomorrow
...

What is your thing, Anastasia? Christian’s softly spoken question haunts me
...
It’s
demure and vaguely business-like – after all, I am negotiating a contract
...
I slip a comb in to keep one side off my
face and apply mascara and some lip-gloss
...
None of my
literary heroines had to deal with make-up – maybe I’d know more about it if they had
...

“Well?” I ask Kate
...

“Boy, you scrub up well, Ana
...
“You look hot
...
”
“That too, but most of all, hot
...
The way it clings
...

“Kate!” I scold
...
The whole package – looks good
...
You’ll have him eating
out of your hand
...
Oh, you so have that the wrong way round
...
”
“You need luck for a date?” Her brow furrows, puzzled
...
”
“Well then – good luck
...

I have to drive in my bare feet – Wanda, my sea-blue Beetle, wasn’t built to be driven by stilettowearers
...
He looks askance at my Beetle, but I ignore him
...

Christian is leaning casually against the bar, drinking a glass of white wine
...
His hair is as tousled as ever
...
Of course he looks gorgeous
...
He is beyond beautiful
...
Blinking a couple of times, he then smiles a slow, lazy, sexy smile that renders
me speechless and all molten inside
...
He walks gracefully over to meet
me
...
“A dress, Miss Steele
...
” Taking my arm, he leads me to a secluded booth and signals for the waiter
...

“I’ll have what you’re having, please
...

Amused, he orders another glass of Sancerre and slides in opposite me
...

Putting his elbows on the table, he steeples his fingers in front of his beautiful mouth, his gray eyes
alive with some unreadable emotion
...
I shift uncomfortably under his scrutiny, my heart palpitating
...

“Are you nervous?” he asks softly
...
”

He leans forward
...
My eyes shoot up to meet his
...
Nervous
...
I blink at him, and he smiles his adorable lopsided smile at me
...

“So, how are we going to do this?” I ask
...
”
“Well, I could ask you what you thought of the weather today?”
He smiles, and his long fingers reach down to collect an olive
...
I flush
...

“Are you smirking at me, Mr
...
”
“You know this contract is legally unenforceable
...
”
“Were you going to tell me that at any point?”
He frowns at me
...
”
“You don’t think very highly of me at all, do you?”
“You haven’t answered my question
...
It represents an arrangement that I would like to make
with you – what I would like from you and what you can expect from me
...
If you do sign, and then decide you don’t like it, there are enough get-out clauses so you
can walk away
...
My subconscious taps me hard on the shoulder
...
Don’t drink too much
...
“If you don’t trust me – trust me

to know how I’m affecting you, how far I can go with you, how far I can take you – if you can’t be
honest with me, then we really can’t do this
...
How far he can take me
...
What does that mean?
“So it’s quite simple, Anastasia
...
“Did you have
similar discussions with um… the fifteen?”
“No
...
They knew what they wanted out of a relationship
with me and generally what I expected
...
”
“Is there a store you go to? Submissives R Us?”
He laughs
...
”
“Then how?”
“Is that what you want to discuss? Or shall we get down to the nitty-gritty? Your issues, as you say
...
Do I trust him? Is that what this all comes down to – trust? Surely that should be a two-way
thing
...

“Are you hungry?” he asks, distracting me from my thoughts
...

“No
...
Honesty… Holy crap, he’s not going to like my answer
...
” My voice is small
...

“You have to eat, Anastasia
...
What would you prefer?”
“I think we should stay in public, on neutral ground
...

“Do you think that would stop me?” he says softly, a sensual warning
...

“I hope so
...
No public
...

“Bring your wine,” he murmurs
...
He releases me, and his hand reaches for
my elbow
...
A young
man in full Heathman livery approaches us
...
Grey, this way sir
...
Just one secluded table
...
Beneath a shimmering chandelier, the table is all starched linen, crystal
glasses, silver cutlery, and white rose bouquet
...
The waiter pulls out my chair, and I sit
...
Christian sits
opposite me
...
“Don’t bite your lip,” he whispers
...
Damn it
...

“I’ve ordered already
...
”
Frankly, I’m relieved, I’m not sure I can make any further decisions
...

“It’s good to know that you can be amenable
...
” I take another large sip of wine
...
Christian Grey does wine
well
...
I blush at the intrusive thought
...
” He fishes into his inside jacket pocket and pulls out a piece of paper
...

“Clause 2
...
This is for the benefit of us both
...
”
I blink at him
...
I just don’t
feel so brave face to face
...
I steel myself with another sip of my wine
...

“My sexual health
...
All my recent tests are clear
...
In fact, I’m vehemently anti-drugs
...
”

Wow… control freakery gone mad
...

“I have never had any blood transfusions
...

“Your next point I mentioned earlier
...
I won’t stop you
...
Just so you know
...
If I go, that’s it
...

The waiter arrives with our first course
...

“I hope you like oysters,” Christian’s voice is soft
...
” Ever
...
” He reaches for one
...
I think you can manage that
...
I blush scarlet
...

“Hmm, delicious
...
“Go on,” he encourages
...
” His eyes are alight with humor
...
I bite my lip,
and his expression changes instantly
...
I reach across and pick up my first ever
oyster
...
I squirt some lemon juice on it and tip it up
...
I lick my lips, and he’s
watching me intently, his eyes hooded
...

“Good girl,” he says proudly
...
I don’t need an aphrodisiac near you
...
“So where were we?” He glances at my email as I reach
for another oyster
...
I affect him… wow
...
Yes, I want you to do that
...
Think of it as role-play
Anastasia
...
”

“Hurt you how?”
“Physically
...

“Do you really think I would do that? Go beyond any limit you can’t take?”
“You’ve said you’ve hurt someone before
...
It was a long time ago
...
In fact, that’s one of your questions
...
Rope play
...
”
I hold my hand up begging him to stop
...
So you won’t suspend me then?”
“Not if you really don’t want to
...
”
“Okay
...
The seconds tick by
...

“Good
...
“Now term
...
I don’t think I’ll be able to stay away from you for that length of
time
...

He can’t stay away from me? What?
“How about, one day over one weekend per month you get to yourself – but I get a midweek night that
week?”
“Okay
...
If it’s not for you then, you can walk away anytime
...
I take another large sip of wine and treat myself to another
oyster
...

“The ownership thing, that’s just terminology and goes back to the principle of obeying
...


And I want you to know that as soon as you cross my threshold as my submissive, I will do what I like
to you
...
That’s why you have to trust me
...
I will discipline you, because you will
screw up
...
But I know you’ve not done this before
...
We’ll build up to various scenarios
...
The “or otherwise”
– again it’s to help you get into the mindset, it means anything goes
...
This is obviously his obsession, the way he is… I can’t take my eyes
off him
...
He stops talking and gazes at me
...
He takes a sip of his wine, his
penetrating stare holding mine
...

“Would you like some more wine?”
“I have to drive
...

“Still or sparkling?”
“Sparkling, please
...

“You’re very quiet,” Christian whispers
...
”
He smiles
...
There’s a very fine line between pleasure and pain Anastasia
...
I can show you how pleasurable pain can be
...
There will be pain, but nothing that you can’t
handle
...
Do you trust me, Ana?”
Ana!
“Yes, I do
...

“Well then,” he looks relieved
...
”

“Important details
...
”
My head is swimming with all his words
...
There is so much information, so much to process
...
I have never felt less
like food
...

I make a stab at my food and take a long drink of my sparkling water
...

“The rules
...
The food is a deal breaker?”
“Yes
...
” I am so not backing down on this
...

How I fuck, yes, but eat… no, no way
...

“I need to know that you’re not hungry
...
Why?
“You’ll have to trust me
...

“Touché, Miss Steele,” he says quietly
...
”
“Why can’t I look at you?”
“That’s a Dom/sub thing
...
”
Will I?
“Why can’t I touch you?”
“Because you can’t
...

“Is it because of Mrs
...


“Why would you think that?” And immediately he understands
...

“No Anastasia
...
Besides, Mrs
...
”
Oh… but I have to
...

“So nothing to do with her
...
And I don’t want you touching yourself, either
...

“Out of curiosity… why?”
“Because I want all your pleasure,” his voice is husky, but determined
...
On one level it’s up there with, ‘I want to bite that lip’, on another, it’s
so selfish
...
The
food, the sleep, I can look him in the eye
...
But I’m not sure I can face that over food
...
”
“Do you want to go through the soft limits now too?”
“Not over dinner
...

“Squeamish?”
“Something like that
...
”
“I’ve had enough
...
You said I could trust you
...
He’s kept an inventory
...
”
“I need you fit and healthy Anastasia
...
”
“And right now, I want to peel you out of that dress
...
Peel me out of Kate’s dress
...
Muscles that I’m now more
acquainted with clench at his words
...
His most potent weapon, used against me
again
...

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I murmur quietly
...
”
“You want dessert?” he snorts
...
”
“You could be dessert,” he murmurs suggestively
...
”
“Anastasia, you’re deliciously sweet
...
”
“Christian
...
It really isn’t fair,” I whisper, staring down at my hands, and
then looking directly at him
...

He strokes his chin thoughtfully
...
I do
...
Doesn’t change how much I want you
...
Now
...

“I’d like to try something,” he breathes
...
He’s just given me a shit load of ideas to process and now this
...
It would be easy
...
“All those decisions – all the wearying thought processes behind them
...
That’s what I’d do as your Dom
...
”
My frown deepens
...
Is he psychic as well?
“… Your body gives you away
...
”

O, this is too much
...
They’re under the table for
heaven’s sake
...

I’m right aren’t I?”
I flush and stare down at my hands
...
He’s the
only one who knows and understands the rules
...
My only sphere
of reference is Kate, and she doesn’t take any shit from men
...

“I haven’t finished my cod
...

“I thought you liked me clearing my plate
...
”
“Christian
...
”
“I know
...
”
My inner goddess frowns at me
...
Can
I? Okay
...

Picking up a spear of asparagus, I gaze at him and bite my lip
...

Christian’s eyes widen infinitesimally, but I notice
...
What are you doing?”
I bite off the tip
...
”
Christian shifts in his seat
...
”
I feign innocence
...
Grey
...
He glances briefly at Christian, who
frowns at him but then nods, so the waiter clears our plates
...

And I grasp this precious moment of clarity
...
Our meeting will only end one way if I stay,
and I need some boundaries after such an intense conversation
...
I need some distance to think about all he’s said
...

“Would you like some dessert?” Christian asks, ever the gentleman, but his eyes still blaze
...
I think I should go
...

“Go?” He can’t hide his surprise
...

“Yes
...
If I stay here, in this room with him, he will fuck me
...
“We both have the graduation ceremony tomorrow
...

“I don’t want you to go
...
”
“Why?”
“Because you’ve given me so much to consider… and I need some distance
...

“Yes, you could easily, but I don’t want you to
...

“You know, when you fell into my office to interview me, you were all yes sir, no sir
...
But quite frankly, Anastasia, I’m not sure you have a
submissive bone in your delectable body
...

“You may be right,” I breathe
...
He reaches
up and caresses my face, his thumb tracing my lower lip
...
This
is who I am
...
”
He leans down to kiss me, but pauses before his lips touch mine, his eyes searching mine, wanting,
asking permission
...
His hand grasps the nape of my neck as he deepens
the kiss, responding to my ardor
...
“I can’t persuade you to stay?” he breathes between kisses
...
”
“Spend the night with me
...
”
He groans
...
” He pulls back, gazing down at me
...
”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it
...
I don’t know if I can have the kind of relationship you want
...
After a moment, he kisses my forehead, inhales deeply, his nose in my hair, and then he
releases me, stepping back
...
“I’ll escort you to the lobby
...
Leaning down, I grab my purse and place my hand in his
...
I follow him meekly down the grand stairs and into the lobby, my scalp prickling, my blood
pumping
...

My heart contracts painfully in my chest
...
What a difference a moment of clarity
can make to a girl
...
I peek up at him as
we stand waiting
...

“It’s a pleasure as always, Miss Steele,” he says politely, though he looks deep in thought, completely
distracted
...
The idea that I might not see him again
haunts me, unwelcome and too painful to contemplate
...


“You’re moving this weekend to Seattle
...

“We’ll see
...
Momentarily, he looks relieved, and then he frowns
...
”
He shakes his head in irritation and takes off his jacket
...
I don’t want you catching cold
...
Nothing’s changed, in fact, it’s more intense
...
Oh my… delicious
...
Christian’s mouth drops open
...
Taking my hand, he leads me outside
...

“Is this roadworthy?” He’s glaring at me now
...
”
“Will it make it to Seattle?”
“Yes
...
”
“Safely?”
“Yes,” I snap, exasperated
...
But she’s mine, and she’s roadworthy
...
”
“Oh, Anastasia, I think we can do better than this
...
“You are not buying me a car
...


“We’ll see,” he says tightly
...
I take my shoes off and roll down the

window
...

“Drive safely,” he says quietly
...
” My voice is hoarse from unbidden, unshed tears – jeez I’m not going to cry
...

As I drive away, my chest constricts, my tears start to fall, and I choke back a sob
...
I was holding
my own
...
He was clear
...
I need him
to want me like I want and need him, and deep down I know that’s not possible
...

I don’t even know how to categorize him
...
He won’t let me touch him and he won’t let me sleep with him
...

And that’s not the future he envisages
...
How will I feel? I’ll have emotionally invested three months, doing things that I’m
not sure I want to do
...

But the thought of not seeing him again is agonizing
...
I don’t want to examine my feelings for
him
...
What am I going to do?
I park up outside our duplex
...
Kate must be out
...
I don’t want her to catch
me crying again
...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Tonight
Date: May 25 2011 22:01
To: Anastasia Steele
I don’t understand why you ran this evening
...
I know I have given you a great deal to contemplate, and I fervently hope that you will
give my proposal your serious consideration
...
We will take it slow
...


Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
I am not a merger
...
Reading this, I might as
well be
...
I just don’t know what to say to him
...
I climb into bed
...

‘Anastasia, you should steer clear of me
...
’
‘I don’t do the girlfriend thing
...
’
‘I don’t make love
...
’
And as I weep into my pillow silently, it’s this last idea I cling to
...

Perhaps together we can chart a new course
...
He’s wearing old, faded, ripped
Levis and that’s all
...
He’s smiling,
triumphant
...
I am naked and shackled, spread-eagled on a large four-poster bed
...

He pushes the tip into my mouth so I can taste the smooth, rich leather
...
My mouth closes over the tip as I obey
...


I’m panting once more as he tugs the crop out of my mouth, trails it down and under my chin, on down
my neck to the hollow at the base of my throat
...
I’m
panting, squirming, pulling against my restraints that are biting into my wrists and my ankles
...
He flicks the crop and it hits my sweet spot with a sharp slap, and I come, gloriously,
shouting my release
...
Holy
hell
...
What the hell just happened? I’m in my bedroom alone
...
It’s morning
...
I
put my head in my hands
...
Was it something I ate? Perhaps the
oysters and my Internet research manifesting itself in my first wet dream
...
I had no
idea that I could orgasm in my sleep
...

“Ana, are you okay? You look odd
...
” Damn, should have checked in the mirror
...

I’m still reeling from my morning’s event
...
”
She frowns
...
”
I head for the kettle
...

“How was dinner?”
So it begins
...
Followed by cod, so I’d say it was fishy
...
How was Christian?
What did you talk about?”
“He was attentive,” I pause
...
Would that be a good summary? I try desperately to remember something from my
encounter with Christian that I can discuss with Kate
...
”

“Who does, Ana? That’s old news
...
”
“Oh, Kate, we talked about lots things
...
Incidentally, he liked
your dress
...
“Do you want tea? Would you like me
to hear your speech for today?”
“Yes, please
...
I’ll go fetch it
...
”
Kate races out of the kitchen
...
I slice a bagel and pop it into the toaster
...
What on earth was that about?
Last night I found it hard to sleep
...
I am so confused
...
It has set hours, a job description, and a
rather harsh grievance procedure
...
If I tell him I want more, he may say no… and I could jeopardize what he has
offered
...
But I’m not sure I have
the stomach to be his submissive
– deep down, it’s the canes and whips that put me off
...
I think of my dream… is that what it would be like? My inner goddess jumps up and
down with cheerleading pom-poms shouting yes at me
...
I concentrate on my bagel and listen patiently as she
runs through her Valedictorian speech
...
I open the front door, and he’s standing on the porch in his
ill-fitting suit
...
He’s taken-aback,
bemused
...
Setting me back, his hands on my
shoulders, he looks me up and down, his brow furrowed
...

“You look good,” he says
...
” I glance down at the grey chiffon halter neck dress
...

“Where is Kate?”
“She’s gone to campus
...
”
“Should we head on over?”

“Dad, we have half an hour
...
How was the drive down?”
Ray pulls his car into the campus parking lot, and we follow the stream of humanity dotted with
ubiquitous black and red gowns, heading toward the sports auditorium
...
You seem awfully nervous, do you have to do anything?”
Holy crap… why has Ray picked today to be so observant?
“No, Dad
...
” And I’m going to see him
...
I’m proud of you, Annie
...
” Oh I love this man
...
Ray has gone to sit with the other parents and well-wishers in the
raked seating, while I make my way to my seat
...
There is no one on the stage yet, but I can’t seem to steady my nerves
...
He’s here, somewhere
...

I make my way to my seat amongst fellow students whose surnames also begin with S
...
I glance behind me and spot Ray sat up high in the
bleachers
...
He self-consciously gives me a half-wave, half-salute back
...

The auditorium fills quickly, and the buzz of excited voices gets louder and louder
...
On either side of me, I am joined by two girls whom I don’t know from a different faculty
...

At eleven precisely, the Chancellor appears from behind the stage, followed by the three Vice
Chancellors, and then the senior professors, all decked out in their black and red regalia
...
Some Professors nod and wave, others look bored
...
Last on to the stage are
Kate and Christian
...
He looks so serious and self-contained
...
Holy shit… that tie! I rub my wrists reflexively
...
I
can feel my mouth press into a hard line
...

“Look at him!” One of the girls beside me breathes enthusiastically to her friend
...
”
I stiffen
...

“Must be Christian Grey
...

“I don’t think so,” I murmur
...
” Both girls look at me in surprise
...

“What a shame,” one of the girls groans
...
I sink into my seat, hunching my shoulders, trying to make myself as
inconspicuous as possible
...
He stares at me,
his face impassive, completely inscrutable
...
Unbidden, I recall my dream from this morning, and the muscles in
my belly do the delectable clench thing
...
I can see the shadow of a smile cross his lips,
but it’s fleeting
...

Following a swift glance up at the Chancellor, he stares ahead, focusing on the WSUV em-blem hung
above the entrance
...
The Chancellor drones on, and Christian
still doesn’t look at me, he just stares fixedly ahead
...
Perhaps
walking out on him last night was the end for him too
...
Oh no, I could have completely blown it
...
Maybe he’s mad that
I haven’t replied
...
The
Chancellor sits, and Kate tosses her lovely long hair behind her as she places her papers on the lectern
...
She smiles when she’s
ready, looks up at the captivated throng, and launches eloquently into her speech
...
Oh, Katherine Kavanagh, you can deliver
a good line
...
Even though I have heard her speech before, I listen carefully
...

Her theme is What Next After College? Oh, what next indeed
...
Yes, it could have been Kate that went to interview him
...
Beautiful Kate and
beautiful Christian, together
...
I know
Kate wouldn’t have given him the time of day
...
The thought of a confrontation between Kate and
Christian makes me uncomfortable
...


Kate concludes her speech with a flourish, and spontaneously everyone stands, applauding and
cheering, her first standing ovation
...
Good job, Kate
...
The Chancellor touches briefly on Christian’s achievements: CEO
of his own extraordinarily successful company, a real self-made man
...
Christian Grey
...
My heart’s in my
throat
...
He looks so confident standing in front of us
all, as Kate did before him
...
In fact, I think most of the
female members of the audience inch closer and a few of the men
...

“I’m profoundly grateful and touched by the great compliment accorded to me by the authorities of
WSU today
...
Our aim is to develop via-ble and ecologically sustainable
methods of farming for third world countries; our ultimate goal is to help eradicate hunger and
poverty across the globe
...
Agricultural dysfunction is rife within these parts of the world and the
result is ecological and social destruction
...
This is
a very personal journey for me… ”
My jaw falls to the floor
...
Holy crap
...
And I recall the interview; he really does want to feed the world
...
Adopted at age four, I think
...
I swallow, my heart constricting at the
thought of a hungry, gray-eyed toddler
...
What kind of life did he have before the Greys got hold of him and rescued him?
I’m seized by a sense of raw outrage, poor, fucked-up, kinky, philanthropic Christian –
though I’m sure he wouldn’t see himself this way and would repel any thoughts of sympathy or pity
...
I follow, though I haven’t heard half his speech
...
It’s
overwhelming
...
Food
...
He doesn’t
look my way, and I’m off-kilter trying to assimilate this new information about him
...

There are over four hundred to be given out, and it takes just over an hour before I hear my name
...

Christian gazes down at me, his gaze warm but guarded
...
I feel the charge of
his flesh on mine
...

“No
...
”
He looks quizzically at me
...

I go back to my seat
...
What did it say?
The ceremony takes another hour to conclude
...
Finally, the Chancellor leads the
faculty members off the stage to yet more rousing applause, preceded by Christian and Kate
...

My inner goddess is not pleased
...
She’s heading my way from behind the
stage
...
The two girls who are now standing beside me turn and
gape at me
...

Oh…
“Your speech was great, Kate
...
“Are you coming? He can be very insistent
...

“You have no idea
...
” I glance up at Ray and hold my fingers up indicating
five minutes
...

Christian is talking to the Chancellor and two of the teaching staff
...

“Excuse me, gentlemen,” I hear him murmur
...

“Thank you,” he says, and before she can reply, he takes my elbow and steers me into what looks like
a men’s locker room
...
Holy shit, what does
he have in mind? I blink up at him as he turns on me
...
I’m nonplussed
...
” Crap, has he been trying to call? I try my
distraction technique that’s so effective on Kate
...
”
“Thank you
...
”
He runs a hand through his hair, exasperated
...
” He closes his eyes, looking pained
...
”
“Worried, why?”
“Because you went home in that deathtrap you call a car
...
It’s fine
...
”
“José, the photographer?” Christian’s eyes narrow, his face frosting
...

“Yes, the Beetle used to belong to his mother
...
It’s not safe
...
I’m sorry you were worried
...

He takes a deep breath
...
This waiting around is driving me crazy
...
”
“Tomorrow
...
”
“Okay
...
” I blink at him
...

“Are you staying for drinks?” he asks
...
”
“Your stepfather? I’d like to meet him
...
”

Christian unlocks the door, his mouth in a grim line
...
“Introduce you to my dad as what? ‘This is the man who
deflowered me and wants us to start a BDSM relationship’
...
”
Christian glares down at me, and then his lips twitch up in a smile
...

“Just so you know, I can run quite fast
...
”
He opens the door, and I head out
...
The Chancellor, the three Vice Chancellors,
four professors, and Kate stare at me as I walk hastily past them
...
Leaving Christian with
the faculty I go in search of Ray
...
Friend with benefits, my subconscious scowls
...
I shake the
unpleasant thought away
...
He sees me, waves, and makes his way down
...
Congratulations
...

“Would you like to come and have a drink in the marquee?”
“Sure
...
Lead the way
...
” Please say no…
“Annie, I’ve just sat for two and half hours listening to all kinds of jabbering
...
”
I put my arm through his, and we stroll out with the throng into the warmth of the early afternoon
...

“Oh, that reminds me
...
“One for the album, Annie
...

“Can I take the cap and gown off now? I feel kind of dorky
...
So are you going to introduce Ray to
the man you’re fucking? She is glaring at me over her wing-shaped spec-tacles
...

God, I hate her sometimes
...
Ray hands me a glass of champagne or cheap fizzy wine, I suspect
...
My thoughts turn to Christian… he won’t like this
...
He twirls me around, without spilling my
wine, some feat
...

What a surprise
...
He’s as beautiful as Kate
...

“Wow – Ethan! How lovely to see you
...
Ethan, this is my dad, Ray
Steele
...
Kavanagh
...

“I’ve been back for a week, but I wanted to surprise my little sister,” he says conspiratorially
...
” I grin up at him
...
” He looks immensely proud of his sister
...
”
“That she did,” Ray agrees
...
Kate is
beside him
...
“Have you met Ana’s boyfriend?
Christian Grey
...

“Mr
...
” Christian says smoothly, warmly, completely unflustered by
Kate’s introduction
...

Thank you very much, Katherine Kavanagh, I fume
...

“Mr
...
They slide over my face with a when-were-you-going-togive-me-this-news look
...

“And this is my brother, Ethan Kavanagh
...

Christian turns his arctic glare on Ethan, who still has one arm around me
...
Kavanagh
...
Christian holds his hand out to me
...

I walk out of Ethan’s grasp, while Christian smiles icily at him, and I take my place at his side
...
She knows exactly what she’s doing, the vixen!
“Ethan, Mom and Dad wanted a word
...

“So how long have you kids known each other?” Ray looks impassively from Christian to me
...
I want the ground to swallow me up
...

“Couple of weeks or so now,” he says smoothly
...
”
“Didn’t know you worked on the student magazine, Ana
...
Shit
...
It’s all I can manage
...
Grey
...
I understand that you’re a keen fisherman
...
In fact, I soon feel surplus to requirements
...
His power knows no bounds
...

She’s talking to her parents, who are delightful as ever and greet me warmly
...

“Kate, how could you out me to Ray?” I hiss at the first opportunity we won’t be over-heard
...
” Kate
smiles at me sweetly
...
It’s me that won’t commit to him, silly!
“He seems trés cool about it, Ana
...
Look at him now – Christian cannot take his eyes
off you
...
“He’s been watching you like a
hawk
...
I don’t know which
...

“Ana, I did you a favor,” she calls after me
...
” I smile at both of them on my return
...
Christian is enjoying some private joke, and my dad looks unbelievably relaxed
given he’s in a social situation
...
”
“See you in a moment
...
”
Ray heads out
...
We pause briefly as a photographer takes a picture
of both of us
...
Grey
...
I blink from the flash
...
I flush
...

“Oh, I wish I knew what you were thinking, Anastasia,” he whispers darkly, cupping my chin and
raising my head so that we gaze intently into each other’s eyes
...
How can he have this effect on me, even in this crowded tent?
“Right now, I’m thinking, nice tie,” I breathe
...

“It’s recently become my favorite
...

“You look lovely, Anastasia, this halter-neck dress suits you, and I get to stroke your back, feel your
beautiful skin
...
Just the two of us, my whole body has come alive,
every nerve ending singing softly, that electricity pulling me to him, charging between us
...
I close my eyes as my insides uncoil
and melt
...

“More?” he looks down at me puzzled, his eyes darkening
...
Now he knows
...
Testing the word – a small, simple word, but so full of promise
...
“You want hearts and flowers
...
He blinks down at me, and I watch his internal struggle played out in his
eyes
...
” His voice is soft
...
”
“Me neither
...

“You don’t know much,” he murmurs
...
”
“Wrong? Not to me
...
He looks so sincere
...

A challenge, daring me, and he cocks his head to one side and smiles his crooked, dazzling smile
...

“Okay,” I whisper
...
I swallow
...
I’ll try
...

“Subject to the soft limits, yes
...
” My voice is so small
...

“Jesus, Ana, you’re so unexpected
...
”
He steps back, and suddenly Ray’s returned, and the volume in the marquee gradually rises and fills
my ears
...
Holy shit, I’ve just agreed to be his sub
...

“Annie, should we get some lunch?”
“Okay
...
What have you done? My subconscious
screams at me
...

“Would you like to join us, Christian?” Ray asks
...
I need space to think… what the fuck have I
done?
“Thank you, Mr
...
It’s been great to meet you, sir
...
“Look after my baby girl
...
Steele
...
I feel sick
...
Christian takes
my hand and raises it to his lips and kisses my knuckles tenderly, his scorching eyes intent on mine
...


My belly curls at the thought… oh my
...

“Seems a solid young man
...
You could do a lot worse, Annie
...

I shrug apologetically
...
”
Holy cow – Ray approves
...

Ray drops me back at the house at dusk
...

“I will
...
”
“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world, Annie
...
”
Oh no
...
A huge lump forms in my throat, and I hug him, hard
...
“Hey, Annie, sweetheart,”
Ray croons
...
Tea is always the answer according to Ray
...

“No, Dad, I’m good
...
I’ll visit real soon once I’m settled in Seattle
...
Let me know how they go
...
”
“Love you, Annie
...
”
He smiles, his brown eyes warm, glowing, and he climbs back into his car
...

First thing I do is check my cell phone
...
Four missed calls, one voice message, and two texts
...
One missed call from José and a voice mail from
him wishing me all the best for graduation
...


*Are you home safe*
*Call me*
They are both from Christian, why didn’t he call the house? I head into my bedroom and fire up the
mean machine
...

Let me know if you’re okay
...

Jeez
...
It has given me three years of loyal service, and José has
always been on hand to maintain it for me
...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Soft Limits
Date: May 26 2011 17:22
To: Anastasia Steele
What can I say that I haven’t already?
Happy to talk these through anytime
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
I hit reply
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Soft Limits
Date: May 26 2011 19:23
To: Christian Grey
I can come over this evening to discuss if you’d like
...
I meant it when I said I wasn’t happy about you driving that car
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
I have to get one thing ready for him – the first edition Thomas
Hardy books are still on the shelves in the living room
...
I wrap them in brown
paper, and I scrawl on the wrapping a direct quote from Tess from the book:

“Hi
...
Christian is standing on the porch in his jeans and
leather jacket
...
I take a moment to admire the pretty
...

“Come in
...
He holds up a bottle of champagne as he walks in
...
Nothing beats a good Bollinger
...

He grins
...
”
“We only have teacups
...
”
“Teacups? Sounds good to me
...
Nervous, butterflies flooding my stomach, it’s like having a panther or
mountain lion all unpredictable and predatory in my living room
...

When I return, he’s staring at the brown parcel of books
...

“That’s for you,” I murmur anxiously
...


“Hmm, I figured as much
...
” His long index finger absently traces the writing
...
You decided on the debasement
...
“Trust you to find something that resonates so appropriately
...
Why am I so nervous? My mouth is dry
...

“I bought these for you,” he says quietly his gaze impassive
...
”
I swallow convulsively
...
”
“You see, this is what I was talking about, you defying me
...
It’s very simple
...

As a submissive you would just be grateful for them
...
”
“I wasn’t a submissive when you bought them for me,” I whisper
...
” His eyes turn wary
...
I am not going to win this, so over to plan B
...

“Yes
...
They can auction them
...
” His mouth sets into a hard line
...

I flush
...
I want
you to want to please me
...
Not about this
...

How can I not think? You can pretend to be a car, like his other possessions, my subconscious makes
an unwelcome vitriolic return
...
Oh, can’t we rewind? The atmosphere between us is now

tense
...
I stare down at my fingers
...
Putting his hand under my chin,
he tilts my head up
...

“I will buy you lots of things, Anastasia
...
I can afford it
...
” He
leans down and plants a swift, chaste kiss on my lips
...
” He releases me
...

“It makes me feel cheap,” I murmur
...

“It shouldn’t
...
Don’t place some vague moral judgment on yourself
based on what others might think
...
It’s only because you have reservations
about our arrangement, that’s perfectly natural
...
”
I frown, trying to process his words
...
“There is nothing about you that is cheap, Anastasia
...
I just bought you some old books that I thought might mean something
to you, that’s all
...
” His eyes warm and soften, and I smile tentatively back up
at him
...
He picks up the champagne, takes off the foil top and cage, twists
the bottle rather than the cork, and opens it with a small pop and a practiced flourish that doesn’t spill
a drop
...

“It’s pink,” I murmur, surprised
...

“In teacups
...

“In teacups
...
” We clink cups, and he takes a drink, but I
can’t help thinking this is really about my capitulation
...
Of course it’s delicious
...

“Always so eager
...


“You’re stepfather’s a very taciturn man
...
I just want to get this out of the way; the anxiety is gnawing at me
...
” I pout
...

“Only because I know how to fish
...
When we went for coffee
...
Wow he has a memory for detail
...
“Did you try the wine at the reception?”
Christian makes a face
...
It was foul
...
How did you get to be so knowledgeable about wine?”
“I’m not knowledgeable, Anastasia, I just know what I like
...
“Some more?” he asks, referring to the champagne
...
”
Christian rises gracefully and collects the bottle
...
Is he getting me tipsy? I eye him
suspiciously
...
”
“Are you working tomorrow?”
“Yes, my last day at Clayton’s”
“I’d help you move, but I promised to meet my sister at the airport
...

“Mia arrives from Paris very early Saturday morning
...
”
“Yes, Kate is very excited about that
...


“Yes, Kate and Elliot, who would have thought?” he murmurs, and for some reason, he doesn’t look
pleased
...
”
“You were going tell me this when?” He arches a brow
...
”
He narrows his eyes
...

“A couple of publishing houses
...

“Well?” He looks at me patiently wanting more information
...

“Just small ones,” I murmur
...
”
He frowns
...
”
He laughs
...
Drink up, let’s talk about these limits
...
Does he wander about with these lists in his pockets? I think there’s one
in his jacket that I have
...
I drain my cup
...

“More?”

“Please
...

“Have you eaten anything?”
Oh no… not this old chestnut
...
I had a three course meal with Ray
...
The champagne is making me bold
...

“Next time you roll your eyes at me, I will take you across my knee
...

“Oh,” he responds, mirroring my tone
...
”
My heart slams against my chest, and the butterflies escape from my stomach into my constricting
throat
...
Chastened, I stare up at him
...

“Answer me
...
”
“Good,” he smiles a knowing smile
...
We’ve done most of this
...


APPENDIX 3
Soft Limits
To be discussed and agreed between both parties:
Which of the following sexual acts are acceptable to the Submissive?
• Masturbation
• Fellatio
• Cunnilingus
• Vaginal intercourse
• Vaginal fisting
• Anal intercourse
• Anal fisting
“No fisting, you say
...

I swallow
...
”
“I’ll agree to the fisting, but I’d really like to claim your ass, Anastasia
...

Besides, it’s not something we can dive into,” he smirks at me
...
”
“Training?” I whisper
...
It’ll need careful preparation
...
But if we
try it and you don’t like it, we don’t have to do it again
...
I blink up at him
...

“Yes
...
I gasp
...
I’ve never had sex with a man
...
”
“Mrs
...
”
Holy shit… how? I frown
...

“Okay… swallowing semen
...
”
I flush, and my inner goddess smacks her lips together glowing with pride
...
” He looks down at me grinning
...

“More?” he asks
...
” And I’m suddenly reminded of our conversation earlier today as he refills my cup
...

I shrug, glancing down the list
...

“Yes,” he smiles
...
Training
...
”
“Eggs?” I’m alarmed
...

I purse my lips at him
...
” I can’t keep my injured feelings out of my voice
...

“I apologize
...
“Any problem with toys?”
“No,” I snap
...
“I am sorry
...
I don’t mean to laugh
...
You’re just so inexperienced
...
” His eyes are big and gray
and sincere
...

“Right – bondage,” he says, returning to the list
...

Is Bondage acceptable to the Submissive?
• Hands in front • Hands behind back
• Ankles • Knees
• Elbows
• Wrists to ankles
• Spreader bars
• Tied to furniture
• Blindfolding
• Gagging
• Bondage with Rope
• Bondage with Tape
• Bondage with leather cuffs
• Suspension
• Bondage with handcuffs/metal restraints
“We’ve talked about suspension
...
It takes a great
deal of time, and I only have you for short periods of time anyway
...
I’ve apologized twice
...
“Don’t make me do it again,” he
warns
...
oh, he’s so bossy
...
They’re fun
...
I’d be worried I wouldn’t be able to breathe”
“I’d be worried if you couldn’t breathe
...
”
“And how will I use safe words if I’m gagged?”
He pauses
...
But if you’re gagged, we’ll use hand signals,” he says
simply
...
But if I’m trussed up, how’s that going to work? My brain is beginning to fog…
hmm alcohol
...
”
“Okay
...
”
I stare up at him, realization dawning
...

“That’s one of the reasons,” he says quietly
...
”
“You don’t like talking about that,” I murmur
...
Would you like another drink? It’s making you brave, and I need to know how you feel
about pain
...
He refills my teacup, and I sip
...

“You’re biting your lip,” he says darkly
...
I flush and stare down at my hands
...
”
“So you have no sphere of reference at all?”

“No
...
Your imagination is your worst enemy in this,” he whispers
...
”
“Why?”
“Goes with the territory, Anastasia
...
I can see you’re nervous
...
”
He shows me the list
...

• Spanking
• Paddling
• Whipping
• Caning
• Biting
• Nipple clamps
• Genital clamps
• Ice
• Hot wax
• Other types/methods of pain
“Well, you said no to genital clamps
...
It’s caning that hurts the most
...

“We can work up to that
...

“This is part of the deal, baby, but we’ll work up to all of this
...
”
“This punishment thing, it worries me the most
...

“Well, I’m glad you’ve told me
...
And as you get more
comfortable with this stuff, we’ll increase intensity
...
”

I swallow, and he leans forward and kisses me on my lips
...

“Look, I want to talk about one more thing, then I’m taking you to bed
...

“Come on, Anastasia, talking through all this, I want to fuck you into next week, right now
...
”
I squirm
...

“See? Beside, there’s something I want to try
...
It’s mainly pleasure
...

“No
...
Look, earlier today you were talking about wanting more,” he halts, uncertain all of a
sudden
...

“Outside of the time you’re my sub, perhaps we could try
...

I don’t know about separating everything
...
But I’m willing to try
...
I don’t know
...

“I have one condition
...

“What?” I breathe
...
I’ll give you anything
...
”
“Oh
...
Dread spawns in my belly
...

“Come,” he murmurs and rises, dragging me up
...

Parked outside is a red hatchback car, a two-door compact Audi
...
Happy graduation,” he murmurs, pulling me into his arms and kissing my hair
...
Jeez… I’ve had enough trouble with the
books
...
I am appalled on one
level, grateful on another, shocked that he’s actually done it, but the overriding emotion is anger
...

Taking my hand, he leads me down the path toward this new acquisition
...
I would never forgive myself if
something happened to you when it’s so easy for me to make it right,” he trails off
...
I stand silently staring at its awesome
bright red newness
...
He was all for it,” he murmurs
...

“You mentioned this to Ray
...
How dare he? Poor
Ray
...

“It’s a gift, Anastasia
...
”
“Not to me it isn’t, not for my peace of mind
...
He just doesn’t get it! He’s had money all his life
...
The thought is very sobering,
and I soften towards the car, feeling guilty about my fit of pique
...

“I’m happy for you to loan this to me, like the laptop
...

“Okay
...
Indefinitely
...

“No, not indefinitely, but for now
...
”
He frowns
...


“Thank you for the car, sir
...

He grabs me suddenly and yanks me up against him, one hand at my back holding me to him and the
other fisting in my hair
...
” He kisses me passionately, forcing my lips apart with
his tongue, taking no prisoners
...
I want him badly – in
spite of the car, the books, the soft limits… the caning… I want him
...
“Now let’s
get you inside and naked
...

Boy, he’s angry
...
My subconscious is behind the sofa again, head hidden under her hands
...

“Please don’t be angry with me,” I whisper
...

“I’m sorry about the car and the books,” I trail off
...

“You scare me when you’re angry,” I breathe, staring at him
...
When he opens them, his expression has softened fractionally
...

“Turn round,” he whispers
...
”
Another mercurial mood swing, it’s so hard to keep up
...
He scoops my hair off my back so it hangs down my right side, curling at my breast
...
His wellmanicured fingernail gently grazes down my back
...
“I like to see your flawless skin
...
I feel him flush against my body
...

“You smell so good, Anastasia
...
” His nose skims past my ear down my neck, and he trails
soft, feather light kisses along my shoulder
...
His fingers are at my zipper
...
He is so tantalizingly good at this
...

“You
...
Going
...
Have
...
Learn
...
Keep
...

He tugs at the fastening at the halter neck, and the dress drops and pools at my feet
...
I like that
...

“Lift your arms and put them around my head,” he murmurs against my neck
...
My
fingers weave into his hair, and very gently I tug his soft, sexy hair
...

“Mmm… ” he murmurs into that space behind my ear, as he starts to extend my nipples with his long
fingers, mirroring my hands in his hair
...

“Shall I make you come this way?” he whispers
...

“You like this, don’t you, Miss Steele?”
“Mmm… ”
“Tell me
...

“Yes
...
”
“Yes… Sir
...
” He pinches me hard, and my body writhes convulsively against his front
...
I feel him against me
...

“I don’t think you’re ready to come yet,” he whispers, stilling his hands, and he gently bites my
earlobe and tugs at it
...
”
Oh… no, what will this mean? My brain registers through the fog of needy desire as I groan
...
” He returns the attention of his fingers to my nipples,

pulling, twisting, kneading
...

I feel his grin against my neck as his hands move down to my hips
...
His hands move down to my sex… and from behind, he
slowly inserts his finger
...
My sweet girl is all ready,” he breathes as he whirls me round so I’m facing him
...
He puts his finger in his mouth
...
” He sighs
...

All I’m wearing is my shoes, well, Kate’s high-heeled pumps
...
I’ve never undressed a
man
...

Oh my
...
Where to start? I reach for his t-shirt, and he grabs my hands and shakes his
head, smiling slyly at me
...
” He shakes his head, grinning
...
” His eyes are alive with excitement
...
He takes one of my hands and places it against his
erection
...
”
I gasp and flex my fingers around his girth, and he grins
...
Take my jeans off
...
”
Holy fuck… me in charge
...

“What are you going to do with me?” he teases
...
He laughs as he falls, and I gaze down at him feeling
victorious
...
I yank off his shoes, quickly, clumsily, and his
socks
...
He looks… glorious…
mine
...
He closes his eyes and flexes his hips
...

His breath hitches, and he grins at me
...
“In my pocket, condom,” he breathes
...
His mouth is open
...
Two! My over-eager fingers reach for the
button of his waistband and undo it, fumbling a little
...

“So eager, Miss Steele,” he murmurs, his voice laced with humor
...
I shuffle down and pull
...
I
frown
...
He kicks his clothes to the floor
...

“Now what are you going to do?” he breathes, all trace of humor gone
...
His mouth shapes like a letter O as he takes a sharp breath
...
I lean forward, my hair falling
around me, and he’s in my mouth
...
He closes his eyes, his hips jerking beneath me
...

I feel so powerful, it’s such a heady feeling, teasing and testing him with my mouth and tongue
...

“Stop, Ana, stop
...
”
I sit up, blinking at him, and I’m panting like him, but confused
...

“You’re innocence and enthusiasm is very disarming,” he gasps
...
”
Oh
...
” He hands me a foil packet
...
How? I rip the packet open, and the rubbery condom is all tacky in my fingers
...
You don’t want any air in the end of that sucker,”
he pants
...

“Christ, you’re killing me here, Anastasia,” he groans
...
He really is a fine specimen of a man, looking at him is very, very
arousing
...
I want to be buried inside you,” he murmurs
...

“Like this,” he breathes, and he snakes one hand round my hips, lifting me slightly, and with the other
he positions himself beneath me, and very slowly, eases me on to him
...
Oh… please
...

And he’s inside me, sheathed to the hilt, and he holds me in place, for seconds… minutes… I have no
idea,, staring intently into my eyes
...
He flexes and swivels his hips in the same motion, and I groan… oh
my – the sensation radiates throughout my belly… everywhere
...
He grins a lazy grin and obliges
...

“You move, Anastasia, up and down, how you want
...

I clasp his hands, holding on for life
...
His eyes are
burning with wild anticipation
...
We pick up the rhythm… up, down, up, down… over and over…
and it feels so… good
...

I am fucking him
...
He’s mine, and I’m his
...

He grabs my hips, and closing his eyes, tipping his head back, his jaw strained, he comes quietly
...


Slowly the outside world invades my senses, and oh my, what an invasion
...
I’m lying on top of him, my head on his chest, and he smells divine:
fresh, laundered linen and some expensive body wash, and the best, most seductive scent on the
planet… Christian
...
I nuzzle him,
wishing I didn’t have the barrier of his t-shirt
...
This is the first time I’ve touched him here
...

His hand swoops up and grabs mine, but he softens the blow by pulling it to his mouth and sweetly
kissing my knuckles
...

“Don’t,” he murmurs, then kisses me lightly
...

“Because I’m fifty shades of fucked-up, Anastasia
...
I blink up at him
...
I don’t want to burden you with the details
...
” He strokes his nose against mine, and then he pulls out of me and sits up
...
How was that?”
He looks thoroughly pleased with himself and sounds very matter-of-fact at the same time, like he’s
just marked another tick box in a checklist
...
It’s so frustrating – I am desperate to know more
...
I cock my head to
one side, like he does, and make an enormous effort to smile at him
...
” I smile shyly at him
...
”

“Miss Steele, you are not just a pretty face
...

I flush and blink at the same time, as he stares down at me
...

“Do you have something to tell me?” his voice is suddenly stern
...
Crap
...
”
“Oh?” He glares at me
...
Am I in trouble?
“I came in my sleep
...
He says nothing
...

“In your sleep?”
“Woke me up
...
What were you dreaming about?”
Crap
...
”
“What was I doing?”
I throw my arm over my eyes again
...

“Anastasia, what was I doing? I won’t ask you again
...
”
He moves my arm
...
” I am crimson
...
“I have several riding crops
...

“No, but I’m sure I could get one
...


Leaning down, he gives me a brief kiss then stands and grabs his boxers, oh no… he’s going
...
I scoot out of bed too and grab my sweat pants and a cami
top, then sit back on the bed, cross-legged, watching him
...
What can I do?
“When is your period due?” He interrupts my thoughts
...
He holds up the condom, then puts it on the floor, and slips
on his jeans
...
Holy crap… this is personal stuff
...
” I stare down at my hands
...
”
He is so bossy
...
He sits back on the bed as he puts on his shoes and socks
...
We are back to mergers and acquisitions – another 180-degree mood swing
...

“I can have mine come and see you at your apartment – Sunday morning before you come and see me
...
Which would you prefer?”
No pressure then
...

“Your place
...

“Okay
...
”
“Are you leaving?”
Don’t go… stay with me please
...
”
Why?
“How are you getting back?” I whisper
...
”
“I can drive you
...
”
He gazes at me, his expression warm
...
But I think you’ve had too much to drink
...
”
“Why?”
“Because you over-think everything, and you’re reticent like your stepdad
...
Otherwise you clam up, and I have
no idea what you’re thinking
...
”
“And you think you’re always honest with me?”
“I endeavor to be
...
“This will only work if we’re honest with each
other
...
” I hold up the second condom
...

“Anastasia, I have crossed so many lines here tonight
...
I’ll see you on Sunday
...
”
“Play?” Holy shit
...

“I’d like to do a scene with you
...
”
“Oh
...

“Well, I suppose you could, but I may crack under the strain
...

He nods slowly, and then he grins, teasing
...
”
His grin is infectious
...
”
“You’d kidnap me?”
“Oh yes,” he grins
...

“Oh yes,” he nods
...
”
“You’ve lost me,” I breathe, my heart is pounding… is he serious?
“Total Power Exchange – round the clock
...

Holy shit
...

“Clearly
...

“Oh, Anastasia Steele, did you just roll your eyes at me?”
Crap
...

“I think you did
...
He sits down on the edge of the bed
...

I blanch
...
I sit staring at him completely immobile
...

“I told you what I’d do
...
I’m going to spank you, and then I’m going to fuck
you very quick and very hard
...
”
His voice is so soft, menacing, and it’s damned hot
...
He gazes at me, waiting, eyes blazing
...
Should I run? This
is it, our relationship hangs in the balance, right here, right now
...
Do it! My inner goddess pleads with me,
my subconscious is as paralyzed as I am
...
“I’m not a patient man
...
I’m panting, afraid, turned on
...
Slowly, I crawl over to him until I am beside him
...
“Now stand up
...
Hesitantly, I clamber to my feet
...
Suddenly he grabs me, tipping me across
his lap
...

He throws his right leg over both of mine and plants his left forearm on the small of my back, holding

me down so I cannot move
...
“Put your hands up on either side of your head,” he orders
...

“Why am I doing this, Anastasia?” he asks
...

“Do you think that’s polite?”
“No
...
”
“I will spank you each time you do it, do you understand?”
Very slowly, he pulls down my sweatpants
...

He’s making such a meal of this
...
I can barely breathe
...
And then his hand is no longer there… and he hits me – hard
...
He caresses me again where he’s hit me, and his breathing’s changed – it’s louder, harsher
...

Holy fuck it hurts
...
I try and wriggle away from
the blows – spurred on by adrenaline spiking and coursing through my body
...
“Or I’ll spank you for longer
...
A rhythmic pattern emerges, caress, fondle, slap hard
...
My mind empties as I endeavor to absorb the grueling
sensation
...

“Aargh!” I cry out on the tenth slap – and I’m unaware that I have been mentally counting the blows
...
”
He hits me again then he strokes me softly
...
He hits me again… this is getting harder to take
...
He strokes me gently and then the blow comes
...

“No one to hear you, baby, just me
...
From somewhere deep inside, I want to beg him to stop
...
I
don’t want to give him the satisfaction
...
I cry out six more times
...
My body is singing, singing from his merciless assault
...
“Well done, Anastasia
...
”
He caresses my behind gently, and it burns as he strokes me round and round and down
...
I gasp, this new assault breaking
through the numbness around my brain
...
See how much your body likes this, Anastasia
...
”
There is awe in his voice
...

I groan, no surely not, and then his fingers are gone… and I’m left wanting
...
Now where’s that condom?”
He reaches beside him for the condom and lifts me gently, pushing me face down onto the bed
...
He drags my sweatpants off and then guides me into a
kneeling position, gently caressing my now very sore behind
...
You can come,” he murmurs
...

And he’s inside me, quickly filling me, I moan loudly
...
The feeling is beyond exquisite, raw and debas-ing and mind blowing
...
How he’s
making me feel, that familiar pull deep in my belly, tightening, quickening
...

“Oh, Ana!” he cries out loudly as he finds his release, holding me in place as he pours himself into
me
...

“Oh, baby,” he breathes
...
”
We lie there, panting together, waiting for our breathing to slow
...
I’m on his
chest again
...
Boy… I survived
...
I’m more stoic than I thought
...
Christian nuzzles my hair again, inhaling deeply
...
His words curl around me like a soft fluffy
towel from the Heathman Hotel, and I’m so pleased that he’s happy
...

“Is this what you sleep in?” he asks gently
...

“You should be in silks and satins, you beautiful girl
...
”
“I like my sweats,” I murmur, trying and failing to sound irritated
...

“We’ll see,” he says
...

“I have to go,” he says, and leaning down, he kisses my forehead gently
...

I think about his question
...
Well, glowing now, and amazingly I feel, apart from
exhausted, radiant
...
I don’t understand
...

“I’m okay,” I whisper
...

He rises
...
”
He scoops up the other condom and heads out of the bedroom
...
They chafe a little against my still-smarting behind
...
I
remember him saying – I can’t remember when – that I would feel so much better after a good hiding
...
But strangely, I do
...
I put my head in my hands
...

Christian re-enters the room
...
I stare down at my hands
...
Let me rub it into your behind
...
I’ll be fine
...
I stand facing the bed
...
Up and down like whores’ drawers my
subconscious remarks bitterly
...

Christian squirts baby oil into his hand and then rubs my behind with careful tenderness
– from makeup remover to smoothing balm for a spanked ass, who would have thought it was such a
versatile liquid
...

“There,” he says when he’s finished, and he pulls my pants up again
...
It’s ten-thirty
...
”
“I’ll see you out
...

Taking my hand, he leads me to the front door
...
She must still be
having dinner with her folks and Ethan
...

“Don’t you have to call Taylor?” I ask, avoiding eye contact
...
Look at me,” he breathes
...

“You didn’t cry,” he murmurs, then grabs me suddenly and kisses me fervently
...

I watch him walk down the path and climb into the big black Audi
...
I close the
door and stand helpless in the living room of an apartment that I shall only spend another two nights
in
...
Have I strayed so far from who I am? I
know that lurking, not very far under my rather numb exterior, is a well of tears
...
I’ll have to stand
...

“Honey, how are you? How was graduation?” she enthuses down the phone
...

“Sorry it’s so late,” I whisper
...

“Ana? What’s wrong?” She’s all seriousness now
...
”
She’s silent for a moment
...
” Her voice is soft and comforting, and I know that she cares
...
I have cried so often in the last few days
...


“Oh, Mom, it’s a man
...

“It’s not like that
...
I don’t want to worry her
...

“Ana, please, you’re worrying me
...

“I’ve kind of fallen for this guy, and he’s so different from me, and I don’t know if we should be
together
...
I wish I could be with you
...

You’ve fallen for someone, finally
...
They’re a different species,
honey
...

“Oh, nearly three weeks or so
...
How can you possibly know someone in that kind of time frame?
Just take it easy with him and keep him at arm’s length until you decide whether he’s worthy of you
...

Is he worthy of me? That’s an interesting concept
...

“Honey, you sound so unhappy
...
I miss you, darling
...
You can get some distance and maybe some perspective
...
You’ve been
working so hard
...
Run away to Georgia
...

My mother’s good humor… her loving arms
...
”
“Oh, that’s wonderful news
...
Her face falls when she sees I’ve been crying
...
I’ll think about a visit
...
”
“Honey, please, don’t let a man get under your skin
...
Go and enjoy yourself
...
”

“Oh, Ana, I love you too, so much
...
” I hang up and face Kate who glares at me
...
”
“Just tell him to take a hike, Ana
...

I’ve never seen you like this
...
Not the intangible, mysterious,
vague hues of gray that color my world
...

“Sit, let’s talk
...
Oh, you’ve had champagne
...
“Some good
stuff too
...
I approach it with caution
...

“Are you okay?”
“I fell over and landed on my behind
...
I never thought I’d see that as a blessing
...
” He said it then, and all

I could concentrate on at the time was being his
...

Kate comes back into the living area with a bottle of red wine and washed teacups
...
” She hands me a cup of wine
...

“Ana, if he’s a jerk with commitment issues, dump him
...
He couldn’t take his eyes off you in the marquee, watched you like a hawk
...
”
Smitten? Christian? Funny way of showing it? I’ll say
...
How was your evening?” I ask
...
It’s so reassuring to sit and listen to her normal chatter
...
That will be fun – Ethan is a hoot
...
I don’t think Christian
will approve
...
He’ll just have to suck it up
...
It’s been one very long day
...

I check the mean machine after I brush my teeth
...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: You
Date: May 26 2011 23:14
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele
You are quite simply exquisite
...
Take some Advil – this is not a request
...
I will know
...

Oh, not drive my car again! I type out my reply
...
Grey
Flattery will get you nowhere, but since you’ve been everywhere the point is moot
...
Red wine is always more preferable to Advil
...


I hit send
...
Steele
I am not flattering you
...

I accept your addition to the hard limits
...

Taylor will dispose of your car and get a good price for it too
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Taylor – Is he the right man for the job?
Date: May 26 2011 23:40
To: Christian Grey
Dear Sir
I am intrigued that you are happy to risk letting your right hand man drive my car – but not some
woman you fuck occasionally
...

Ana
From: Christian Grey

Subject: Careful!
Date: May 26 2011 23:44
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Ms
...

Though I am tempted to drive back over there to ensure that you don’t sit down for a week, rather than
an evening
...

Your car does not present a hazard to him
...


Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
Grey
I’m not sure I like you anyway, especially at the moment
...
Steele
From: Christian Grey

Subject: Careful yourself
Date: May 27 2011 00:03
To: Anastasia Steele
Why don’t you like me?
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...

There, that’s given him something to think about
...
I switch off my sidelight and stare up at the ceiling
...
It was heartwarming to spend some time with Ray
...
Jeez, Kate and her gargantuan mouth
...
What the hell is that all about? God, and the car
...
What was Christian thinking?
And then this evening, he actually hit me
...
What have I gotten myself
into? Very slowly, my tears, halted by Kate’s arrival, begin to slide down the side of my face and into
my ears
...
Why is he so fucked up? It
must be awful to be as affected as he is, and the thought that as a toddler he suffered some unbearable
cruelty makes me cry harder
...
I turn into my
pillow and the sluice gates open… and for the first time in years, I am sobbing uncontrollably into my
pillow
...

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?”
“Well you can’t!”
“What the fuck have you done to her now?”
“Since she’s met you she cries all the time
...

“Jesus, Ana,” he mutters
...

“What are you doing here?” I gasp between sobs
...
I can’t stop crying
...
Kate comes and stands in the doorway
...
Christian
raises his eyebrows at her, no doubt surprised by her flattering epithet and her feral antagonism
...
Oh… I wouldn’t do that near Mr
...

“Just holler if you need me,” she says more gently
...
He nods at her, and she turns and pulls the door to but doesn’t close it
...
He’s wearing his pinstriped jacket,
and from his inside pocket, he pulls out a handkerchief and hands it to me
...

“What’s going on?” he asks quietly
...
My tears have miraculously ceased, but I’m left
with dry heaves racking my body
...
You said you wanted me to stay, so here I am
...
” He blinks at me, truly bewildered
...
Is it because I hit you?”
I pull myself up, wincing from my sore behind
...

“Did you take some Advil?”
I shake my head
...
I hear him talking to Kate but not
what they are saying
...

“Take these,” he orders gently as he sits on my bed beside me
...

“Talk to me,” he whispers
...
I’d never have left you if I thought you were
like this
...
What can I say that I haven’t said already? I want more
...
”
I flush
...
”
“Anastasia, you can’t tell me what you think I want to hear
...
“How can I trust anything you’ve said to me?”
I peek up at him, and he’s frowning, a bleak look in his eye
...

“How did you feel while I was hitting you and after?”
“I didn’t like it
...
”
“You weren’t meant to like it
...

My question surprises him
...
” And I can’t quite keep the sarcasm out of my voice
...

“Careful,” he warns
...

“Are you going to hit me again?” I challenge
...
”
Phew
...

“So,” I prompt
...
I want you to behave in a particular way, and if you don’t, I
shall punish you, and you will learn to behave the way I desire
...
I’ve wanted to
spank you since you asked me if I was gay
...
Jeez, I wanted to spank myself after that question
...
I don’t like that thought
...
”

He stares at me, bewildered again
...
”
“So why are you trying to change me?”
“I don’t want to change you
...
Simple,” he says
...
”
“That’s what I don’t understand
...

“It’s the way I’m made, Anastasia
...
I need you to behave in a certain way, and if
you don’t – I love to watch your beautiful alabaster skin pink and warm up under my hands
...
”
Holy shit
...

“So it’s not the pain you’re putting me through?”
He swallows
...
It’s the fact that you are mine to do
with as I see fit – ultimate control over someone else
...

Big time, Anastasia
...

I’ve not really thought about this in any great depth
...
“And you still haven’t answered my question – how did you feel afterwards?”
“Confused
...

His expression pulls at that dark part of me, buried in the depths of my belly – my libido, woken and
tamed by him, but even now, insatiable
...

I frown
...
Contrary to what your roommate
believes, I’m not a priapic monster
...

“You have no problem being honest with me in print
...
Why can’t you do that in conversation? Do I intimidate you that much?”
I pick at an imaginary spot on my mother’s blue and cream quilt
...
Completely overwhelm me
...

He gasps
...

“What?”
“Oh, Anastasia, you’ve bewitched me
...
Bewitched… my inner goddess is staring open-mouthed
...

“You’ve still not answered my question
...
But right now, I’d really like to
sleep
...

“You wanted me here
...
”
“I’ll write you an email,” he mutters petulantly
...
Holy cow, men carry a
lot of crap in their pockets
...
He walks round to the other side of the bed and slides in
...

I slip slowly under the covers, wincing slightly, staring at him
...
I think I’m numb
with elated shock
...

“If you are going to cry
...
I need to know
...
I just want to know how you’re feeling
...
Switch the light off
...
”
So here… and still so bossy, but I can’t complain, he’s in my bed
...
I switch off the bedside light
...

I roll my eyes in the full knowledge that he cannot see me, but I do as I’m told
...

“Sleep, baby,” he whispers, and I feel his nose in my hair as he inhales deeply
...
Christian Grey is sleeping with me, and in the comfort and solace of his arms, I drift into a
peaceful sleep
...
It flickers and dances in the over-warm breeze, a breeze that brings no
respite from the heat
...
I’m struggling to resist, but I’m drawn
...
I am so warm
...
It wakes me
...
He’s wrapped around me like a victory flag
...
He’s suffocating me with his body heat, and he’s heavy
...
He has
spent the whole night with me
...
He’s asleep
...
Deep in his throat, I hear a faint distressed groan, and he stirs
...
Sleepy, blinking gray eyes meet mine beneath his
tousled mop of hair
...
“Jesus, even in my sleep I’m drawn to you
...
I become

aware of his erection against my hip
...

“Hmm… this has possibilities, but I think we should wait until Sunday
...

I flush, but then I feel seven shades of scarlet from his heat
...

“You’re not so bad yourself,” he murmurs and presses himself against me, suggestively
...
That’s not what I meant
...
He bends, and to my surprise, plants a gentle kiss on my lips
...

I nod, staring up at him, and I realize that I’ve slept very well except maybe for the last half-hour
when I was too hot
...
” He frowns
...
” He raises his eyebrows in confused surprise
...

“It’s 7:30
...
” He scrambles out of bed and drags on his jeans
...
Christian Grey is late and flustered
...
I belatedly realize that my behind is no longer sore
...
I have a meeting
...

Are you smirking at me?”
“Yes
...

“I’m late
...
Another first, Miss Steele
...

“Sunday,” he says, and the word is pregnant with an unspoken promise
...
Holy hell, if my mind
could just keep up with my body
...
He grabs his stuff from my
side table and his shoes – which he doesn’t put on
...
I was serious
...
I’ll see you at my place on

Sunday
...
” And like a whirlwind, he’s gone
...
And there was no sex, only cuddling
...

I grin and slowly climb out of my bed
...
I head
for the kitchen, needing a cup of tea
...
It is the end of an era –
goodbye to Mr
...
Clayton, WSU, Vancouver, the apartment, my Beetle
...
I have time
...
Grey
You wanted to know why I felt confused after you – which euphemism should we apply - spanked,
punished, beat, assaulted me
...
And much to my mortification, you’re right, I was aroused, and that was unexpected
...
I was shocked to feel aroused
...
And that’s more difficult to articulate
...
I felt relieved that it wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be
...
But I feel very uncomfortable, guilty even, feeling that
way
...
Does that answer your question?
I hope the world of Mergers and Acquisitions is as stimulating as ever… and that you weren’t too late
...

Ana
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Free Your Mind
Date: May 27 2011 08:24
To: Anastasia Steele

Interesting… if slightly overstated title heading Miss Steele
...

• So you felt demeaned, debased, abused & assaulted – how very Tess Durbeyfield of you
...
Do you really feel like this or do you
think you ought to feel like this?
Two very different things
...

• I am grateful for your inexperience
...

Simply put… it means that you are mine in every way
...

• Happy does not even begin to cover how I felt
...

• Punishment spanking hurts far more than sensual spanking – so that’s about as hard as it gets, unless
of course you commit some major transgression, in which case I’ll use some implement to punish you
with
...
But I like that
...

• Don’t waste your energy on guilt, feelings of wrongdoing etc
...
You need to free your mind and listen to your body
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
My breath hitches
...

And if I listened to my body, I’d be in Alaska by now
...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: You Didn’t Call the Cops
Date: May 27 2011 08:35
To: Anastasia Steele
Miss Steele
I am in a meeting discussing the futures market if you’re really interested
...

You didn’t at any time ask me to stop – you didn’t use either safe word
...

Quite frankly, I’m looking forward to the next time my palm is ringing with pain
...

Alaska is very cold and no place to run
...

I can track your cell phone – remember?
Go to work
...


I scowl at the screen
...
It’s my choice
...
Is he serious about coming to find
me, should I decide to escape for a while? My mind flits briefly to my mother’s offer
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Stalker
Date: May 27 2011 08:36
To: Christian Grey
Have you sought therapy for your stalker tendencies?
Ana

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Stalker? Me?
Date: May 27 2011 08:38
To: Anastasia Steele
I pay the eminent Dr
...

Go to work
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Expensive Charlatans
Date: May 27 2011 08:40

To: Christian Grey
May I humbly suggest you seek a second opinion?
I am not sure that Dr
...

Miss Steele
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Second Opinions
Date: May 27 2011 08:43
To: Anastasia Steele
Not that it’s any of your business, humble or otherwise, but Dr
...

You will have to speed, in your new car, putting yourself at unnecessary risk – I think that’s against
the rules
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...

I haven’t signed yet
...
And I don’t start until 9:30
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Descriptive Linguistics
Date: May 27 2011 08:52
To: Christian Grey
It’s between control freak and stalker
...

Will you stop bothering me now?
I’d like to go to work in my new car
...

Drive safely Miss Steele
...

The Audi is a joy to drive
...
Wanda, my Beetle, has no power in it at all –
anywhere, so my daily workout, which was driving my Beetle, will cease
...
I frown
...

While I am driving, I try and analyze our email exchange
...
And then I think of Grace and I feel guilty
...

Hmm that’s a whole world of unknown pain
...
Yes
...
The problem is, I just
want Christian, not all his… baggage – and right now he has a 747 hold’s worth of baggage
...
It’s an awfully big ask
...
As I make my way in, I can hardly believe it’s my last day
...
At lunchtime, Mr
...
He’s standing beside a motorcycle courier
...
I frown questioningly at Mr
...

My heart sinks
...
It’s a BlackBerry
...
I switch it on
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
Flynn right now
...


I am at work
...

Thank you for yet another gadget
...

Why do you do this?
Ana
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Sagacity from one so young
Date: May 27 2011 13:24
To: Anastasia Steele
Fair point-well made, as ever Miss Steele
...
Flynn is on vacation
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
Emailing Christian is addictive, but I am supposed
to be working
...

At four, Mr
...
Clayton gather all the other employees in the shop, and during a hair-curlingly
embarrassing speech, present me with a check for three hundred dollars
...
Amazingly, I hold myself together
...

I hug the Claytons hard
...

Kate is climbing out of her car when I arrive home
...
I can’t resist
...
She narrows her eyes, and for a brief moment, I wonder if she’s going to put me

across her knee too
...
” I try and act nonchalant
...
Her mouth drops open
...

“I did try not to accept it, but frankly, it’s just not worth the fight
...

“No wonder you’re so overwhelmed
...
”
“Yeah
...

“Shall we finish packing?”
I nod and follow her inside
...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Sunday
Date: May 27 2011 13:40
To: Anastasia Steele
Shall I see you at 1 p
...
Sunday?
The doctor will be at Escala to see you at 1:30
...

I hope your move goes well, and I look forward to Sunday
...

Jeez, he could be discussing the weather
...
It’s difficult to keep up
...
I roll my eyes at it defiantly and join Kate to pack
...
Taylor stands on the porch, looking
immaculate in his suit
...

“Miss Steele,” he says
...
”
“Oh yes, of course
...
”

Surely this is above and beyond the call of duty
...
I hand him
the keys, and we walk in an uncomfortable silence for me - toward the light blue Beetle
...
That’s it
...
Goodby,, Wanda
...
I caress her roof as I
close the passenger door
...
Grey?” I ask
...
”
Suddenly, I have an overwhelming urge to bombard him with questions
...
But then he’s probably signed an NDA
...
He has the same taciturn expression as Ray, and I warm to him
...
With that, he gives me a little nod,
climbs into my car, and drives away
...
I shake my head as I wander back inside
...
Taylor thinks he’s a good man
...
We’re done
...
He brings
several bottles of beer, and Kate and I sit on the couch while he’s cross-legged on the floor between
us
...
It’s been a good four years
...
Well, it’s
been swept under the rug that my inner goddess is lying on, eating grapes and tapping her fingers,
waiting not so patiently for Sunday
...
Is
it?
Kate answers the door and is nearly knocked off her feet by Elliot
...
Honestly…
get a room
...
I’m appalled at their lack of modesty
...
We are too uncomfortable with the
unrestrained sexing unfolding in front of us
...

“José and I are going for a quick drink
...
Ha! I can still roll my eyes in my own
time
...

“Hi Elliot, bye Elliot
...
As we stroll
down to the bar, I put my arm through José’s
...

“You’ll still come to the opening of my show, won’t you?”
“Of course, José, when is it?”
“June 9
...

“It’s a Thursday
...
” He grins
...
Kate and Elliot are nowhere to be seen but boy can they be
heard
...
I hope I’m not that loud
...
I flush at the thought and escape to
my room
...
I don’t know when I’ll
see him again, probably his photographic show, and once again, I’m blown away that he finally has an
exhibition
...
I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about the
Beetle, I know he’ll freak when he finds out, and I can only deal with one man at a time freaking out at
me
...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Where Are You?
Date: May 27 2011 22:14
To: Anastasia Steele
‘I am at work
...
’
Are you still at work or have you packed your phone, BlackBerry and MacBook?
Call me, or I may be forced to call Elliot
...

Crap… José… shit
...
Five missed calls and one voice message
...
It’s
Christian
...
I am not a patient man
...
Otherwise, I worry,
and it’s not an emotion I’m familiar with, and I don’t tolerate it very well
...
’
Double crap
...
He is suffocating me
...
My heart is in my mouth
as I wait for him to answer
...
The thought is
depressing
...

“Hi,” I murmur
...
”
“I know
...
”
He pauses for a beat
...

“Yes
...
” I close my eyes
tightly as I say José’s name
...

“How about you?” I ask to fill the sudden deafening chasm of silence
...

Eventually, he sighs
...
It was deathly dull
...
”
He sounds so sad and resigned
...
I picture him all those nights ago sat at the piano in
his huge living room and the unbearable bittersweet melancholy of the music he was playing
...
Soothe him
...
I want his proximity
...
Holy mackerel
...

“Yes,” I breathe
...

“I’ll see you Sunday?”

“Yes, Sunday,” I murmur, and a thrill courses through my body
...
”
“Goodnight, Sir
...

“Good luck with your move tomorrow, Anastasia
...
And we’re both hanging on the
phone like teenagers, neither wanting to hang up
...
Finally, I sense his smile
...
” And I know he’s grinning
...
”
“Neither do I
...
”
“Are you still?”
“No
...
I’m an in-the-moment kind of guy
...
”
“You can hang up now, Miss Steele
...
”
“Yes, Sir
...

“Do you ever think you’ll be able to do what you’re told?” He’s amused and exasperated at once
...
We’ll see after Sunday
...


Elliot stands and admires his handiwork
...
Kate and I flop on to the couch giggling, impressed by his prowess with
a power drill
...

“See, baby, easy
...

I roll my eyes at the pair of them
...
It’s a compulsory family dinner tonight
...

I stand and make my way over to the kitchen area on the pretense of unpacking one of the crates
...

“I’ll see if I can escape,” he promises
...
” Kate smiles
...
” Elliot grins
...
Say hi to Christian from me
...

“Yes
...
He winks at me, and I go crimson as he follows Kate out of the apartment
...
He’s warm, open, physical, very physical, too physical, with
Kate
...

Kate returns about twenty minutes later with pizza, and we sit, surrounded by crates, in our new open
space, eating straight from the box
...
The apartment is not large, but it’s
big enough, three bedrooms and a large living space that looks out on to Pike Place Market itself
...
We both love that we will be in the heart of the city
...
Kate leaps up - and my heart leaps into my mouth
...
” Disappointment flows freely and unexpectedly through my
veins
...

“Second floor, apartment two
...
His mouth falls open when he sees Kate, all tight jeans, t-shirt, hair
piled high with escaping tendrils
...
He holds a bottle of champagne with a
helicopter-shaped balloon attached
...


Ladies, Good luck in your new home, Christian Grey
...

“Why can’t he just write ‘from Christian’? And what’s with the weird helicopter balloon?”
“Charlie Tango
...
” I shrug
...
I have to say – I love these occasions – Katherine Kavanagh, silent
and floored, they are so rare
...

“Yep, he has a helicopter, which he flew himself,” I state proudly
...
Why didn’t you tell me?” Kate looks
accusingly at me, but she’s smiling, shaking her head in disbelief
...
”
She frowns
...
” I answer reassuringly
...

“Did you give him our address?
“No, but stalking is one of his specialties
...

Kate’s brow knits further
...
He worries me, Ana
...
”
Of course, only Christian would send chilled champagne or get his secretary to do it…
or maybe Taylor
...

“Bollinger Grande Année Rosé 1999, an excellent vintage
...

I wake early to a gray Sunday morning after a surprisingly refreshing night’s sleep and lie awake
staring at my crates
...
No… today’s the day
...


Anticipation hangs heavy and portentous over my head like a dark tropical storm cloud
...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: My Life in Numbers
Date: May 29 2011 08:04
To: Anastasia Steele

If you drive you’ll need this access code for the underground garage at Escala: 146963
Park in bay 5 – it’s one of mine
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: An excellent Vintage
Date: May 29 2011 08:08
To: Christian Grey
Yes Sir
...

Thank you for the champagne and the blow-up Charlie Tango, which is now tied to my bed
...

Don’t be late
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
I head for the bathroom, wondering if
Elliot made it back last night and trying hard to rein in my nerves
...
m
...
How many bays does he own? The Audi SUV is there, the R8, and two smaller Audi SUVs…
hmm
...
Didn’t have one
of these in the Beetle
...

In the infinity mirrors of the elevator, I check out my plum dress, well – Kate’s plum dress
...
My body clenches at the thought
...
I’m wearing the underwear that Taylor
bought for me
...
The doors open, and I’m facing the foyer of apartment number one
...

“Good afternoon, Miss Steele,” he says
...
”
“Ana,” he smiles
...
Grey is expecting you
...

Christian is seated on his living room couch reading the Sunday papers
...
The room is exactly as I remember it – it’s been a whole week since
I’ve been here – but it feels so much longer
...
He’s in a loose white linen shirt and jeans, no shoes or socks
...
He is jaw-droppingly handsome
...


I stand immobilized at the entrance of the room, paralyzed by his beauty and the sweet anticipation of
what’s to come
...

“Hmm… that dress,” he murmurs approvingly as he gazes down at me
...
The
touch of his lips to mine reverberates throughout my body
...

“Hi,” I whisper as I flush
...
I like punctual
...
” He takes my hand and leads me to the couch
...
He hands me the Seattle Times
...
Holy crap
...
I check
the caption
...

I laugh
...
”
“So it would appear
...
” He smirks
...

Reaching over, he tucks my hair behind my ear with his long index finger
...

“So, Anastasia, you have a much better idea of what I’m about since you were last here
...
” Where’s he going with this?
“And yet you’ve returned
...
He shakes his head slightly as if he’s struggling with the idea
...

Shit
...
”
“Are you hungry?” He’s really trying not to look annoyed
...

He leans forward and whispers in my ear
...


But Dr
...
” He sits up
...

My heated blood cools
...
I’d forgotten
...
Greene?” I ask to distract us both
...
What more can I say?” He shrugs
...
”
He gives me a don’t-be-ridiculous look
...
Don’t you?” he says mildly
...
Holy Moses, if she’s the best Ob/Gyn, he’s scheduled her to see me on a Sunday
– at lunchtime! I cannot begin to imagine how much that costs
...

“Anastasia, my mother would like you to come to dinner this evening
...
I don’t know how you feel about that
...
”
Odd? Why?
“Are you ashamed of me?” I can’t keep the wounded hurt out of my voice
...
” He rolls his eyes at me
...
”
“Why are you allowed to roll your eyes, and I’m not?”
He blinks at me
...
”
“Neither am I usually,” I snap at him
...
Taylor appears at the doorway
...
Greene is here, Sir
...
”
Miss Steele’s room!
“Ready for some contraception?” he asks as he stands and holds out his hand to me
...

He laughs
...
”
I take his hand, and he pulls me up into his arms and kisses me deeply
...
His hand is in my hair holding my head, and he pulls me against him, his forehead against
mine
...
“I can’t wait to get you naked
...
Greene is tall, blond, and immaculate, dressed in a royal blue suit
...
She’s like an identikit model – another Stepford blonde
...
She must be in her early forties
...
Grey
...

“Thank you for coming at such short notice,” Christian says
...
Grey
...
” She smiles, her eyes cool and
assessing
...
Like Kate
...
She gives Christian a pointed stare, and after an awkward beat, he takes his cue
...

“Well Miss Steele
...
Grey is paying me a small fortune to attend to you
...
Greene and I decide on the mini pill
...
I love her no-nonsense

attitude – she has lectured me until she’s as blue as her dress about taking it at the same time every
day
...
Grey
...
Somehow I don’t think she’d look so calm and collected if she’d seen his Red
Room of Pain
...

Christian is reading, seated on his couch
...

For a moment, he looks serene
...

“Are you done?” he asks as if he’s genuinely interested
...
Standing, he strolls towards us
...
Grey
...
”
Christian is taken aback – as am I
...
Is she giving him
some kind of not so subtle warning? Christian recovers himself
...

Gazing at him, I shrug, embarrassed
...

“Good day, and good luck to you, Ana
...

Taylor appears from nowhere to escort her through the double doors and out to the elevator
...

“Fine, thank you
...
”
Christian’s mouth drops open in shock, and I cannot keep a straight face any longer and grin at him
like an idiot
...
In fact, he looks rather forbidding
...
My
subconscious quails in the corner as all the blood drains from my face, and I imagine him putting me
across his knee again
...
He grabs me around my waist and pulls me up against him
...
He kisses me, hard, and I cling on to his muscular arms for support
...
I don’t want you passing out
on me later,” he murmurs against my lips
...

“That and your smart mouth,” he breathes
...
I am reeling
...
He’s just sex on
legs, and now I have to recover my equilibrium and eat something
...

“What’s the music?”
“Villa Lobos, an aria from Bachianas Brasileiras
...

The breakfast bar is laid for two; Christian takes a salad bowl from the fridge
...

“Yes, fine, thank you
...
He’s so at ease with his body on one level, but
then he doesn’t like to be touched… so maybe deep down he isn’t
...

“What are you thinking?” he asks, pulling me from my reverie
...

“I was just watching the way you move
...

“And?” he says dryly
...

“You’re very graceful
...
He sits down beside me, holding a bottle of wine
...
”
“Help yourself to salad,” he says, his voice soft
...
Greene’s visit
...
”
He frowns
...
How does he know? I blush at the thought, probably from one or more of the
fifteen
...

He glances at me with amused condescension
...
” He smirks
...
”
The chicken caesar is delicious
...
The wine is crisp, clean, and fruity
...

I look at him from beneath my lashes
...

His breath hitches
...
His look goes from dark to smoldering, taking me with him
...

“Do you want to do this?” he breathes, looking down at me intently
...
”
“I know – but I’m breaking all the rules these days
...
I don’t want to punish you right now
...
”
Holy cow
...

“Don’t let anyone try and convince you otherwise, Anastasia
...
It’s very simple
...
”
He pulls me against him, and his erection presses into my belly
...
I’m drawn to
him on some deep, elemental level, that I can’t begin to understand
...

“No, and right now, I just want to tie you up and fuck you senseless
...

“Good
...
” He takes my hand and, leaving all the dirty dishes on the breakfast bar, and we head
upstairs
...
This is it
...
My inner goddess is spinning like a
world-class ballerina, pirouette after pirouette
...
It’s the same, the smell of leather,
citrus, polish and dark wood, all very sensual
...
It’s a heady, potent cocktail
...
He gazes down at me and his eyes are heated,
lustful… hypnotic
...
“To do
with as I see fit
...
I nod, my mouth dry, my heart thumping for a way out of my chest
...

I swallow, and rather clumsily, I take them off
...

“Good
...
Now I’m going to peel you out of this dress
...
I want you to be comfortable with your body,
Anastasia
...

It is a joy to behold
...
Do you understand?”
“Yes
...

“Yes, Sir
...

“Yes, Sir
...
Lift your arms up over your head
...
Slowly, he pulls my dress up over my
thighs, my hips, my belly, my breasts, my shoulders, and over my head
...


He places it on the large chest beside the door
...

“You’re biting your lip,” he breathes
...
“Turn
around
...
He unclasps my bra and then taking both straps, he slowly pulls
them down my arms, brushing my skin with his fingers and the tip of his thumbnails as he slides my
bra off
...
He’s standing
behind me, so close that I feel the heat radiating from him, warming me, warming me all over
...
He runs his nose down my exposed neck, inhaling all the way, then back up to my ear
...
Jeez, he’s hardly touched me, and I want him
...

I moan
...
“Don’t make a sound
...
He ties it with an unseen hair tie when he’s finished and gives it a quick tug so I’m forced back
against him
...

Hmm… why?
He releases my hair
...

I do as I’m bid, my breathing shallow, fear and longing mixed together
...

“When I tell you to come in here, this is how you will dress
...
Do you understand?”
“Yes
...

“Yes, Sir
...

“Good girl
...
“When I tell you to come in here, I expect you to kneel over
there
...
“Do it now
...

“You can sit back on your heels
...

“Place your hands and forearms flat on your thighs
...
Now part your knees
...
Wider
...
Look down at the floor
...
Naked feet
...
He reaches down and grasps my braid again,
then pulls my head back so I am looking up at him
...

“Will you remember this position, Anastasia?”
“Yes, Sir
...
Stay here, don’t move
...

I’m on my knees, waiting
...
I have no idea
how long he leaves me like this… a few minutes, five, ten? My breathing becomes shallower, the
anticipation is devouring me from the inside out
...
Could I be
more excited? I can see his feet
...
These are older, ripped, soft, and overwashed
...
These jeans are hot
...

“Good girl, Anastasia
...
Well done
...
”
I stand, but I keep my face down
...
”
I peek up at him, and he’s staring at me intently, assessing, but his eyes soften
...
Oh my… I want to touch him
...

“I’m going to chain you now, Anastasia
...
”
I give him my hand
...
It happens so quickly that the surprise hardly registers
...
Well, not much, just a slight ringing sting
...

I blink at him, confused
...
”
“Okay
...

“Don’t frown
...
I succeed
...
”
“This is not going to hurt
...
” My voice is uncertain
...

Jeez, my breathing is so shallow
...
It’s brown
plaited leather
...

“We aim to please, Miss Steele,” he murmurs
...
” He takes my elbow and moves me to beneath
the grid
...
“This grid is designed
so the shackles move across the grid
...
Holy shit – it’s like a subway map
...
So we’ll end up by the wall over there
...

“Put your hands above your head
...
This is beyond fascinating, beyond erotic
...
I’m entrusting myself to a beautiful man who, by his own admission, is fifty shades of
fucked-up
...
Kate and Elliot, they know I’m here
...
I’m staring at his chest
...
He
smells of body wash and Christian, an inebriating mix, and that drags me back into the now
...

I could just lean forward…
He steps back and gazes at me, his expression hooded, salacious, carnal, and I am helpless, my hands
tied, but just looking at his lovely face, reading his need and longing for me, I can feel the dampness
between my legs
...

“You look mighty fine trussed up like this, Miss Steele
...
I like
that
...

Not taking his eyes off mine, he scrunches my panties in his hand, holds them up to his nose, and
inhales deeply
...
Did he just do that? He grins wickedly at me and tucks them into the pocket
of his jeans
...
At the touch of the leather, I quiver and gasp
...
On his second circuit, he suddenly
flicks the crop, and it hits me underneath my behind… against my sex
...
I pull against the restraints
...

“Quiet,” he whispers as he walks around me again, the crop slightly higher around the middle of my
body
...
My body
convulses at the sweet, stinging bite
...
He hits the other… a brief, swift, sweet chastisement
...

“Does that feel good?” he breathes
...
”
He hits me again across the buttocks
...

“Yes what?”
“Yes, Sir,” I whimper
...
My eyes are closed as I try to absorb the myriad of
sensations coursing through my body
...
I know where this is leading, and I try and psyche myself up for it – but when he
hits my clitoris, I cry out loudly
...

“Quiet,” he orders, and he hits me again on my behind
...
Lost in a sea of sensation
...

“See how wet you are for this, Anastasia
...
”
I do as I’m told, completely seduced
...

Holy shit
...
Suck
...
”
My mouth closes around the crop as my eyes lock on his
...
His eyes are blazing
...

He pulls the tip from my mouth, and he stands forward and grabs me and kisses me hard, his tongue
invading my mouth
...
His chest crushes mine,

and I itch to touch, but I can’t, my hands, useless above me
...
“Shall I make you come?”
“Please,” I beg
...
Ow!
“Please, what?”
“Please, Sir,” I whimper
...

“With this?” He holds the crop up so I can see it
...
”
“Are you sure?” He looks sternly at me
...
”
“Close your eyes
...
He starts small, biting licks of the crop against my belly
once more
...
His
arms curl around me as my legs turn to jelly
...
He lifts me, and suddenly
we’re moving, my arms still tethered above my head, and I can feel the cool wood of the polished
cross at my back, and he’s popping the buttons on his jeans
...

“Lift your legs, baby, wrap them round me
...
With one thrust, he’s inside me, and I cry out again, listening to his muffled moan at my ear
...
Jeez, it’s deep this way
...
I feel the build up again
...
But I have no
choice… and with an inevitability that’s becoming familiar, I let go and come again, and it’s sweet
and agonizing and intense
...
Christian follows, shouting his release through clenched teeth and holding me
hard and close as he does
...
Unbuckling
the cuffs, he frees my hands, and we both sink to the floor
...
If I had the strength, I’d touch him, but I don’t
...

“Well done, baby,” he murmurs
...
I can barely keep my eyes open
...

“Yes
...
“Would you do it again?”
I think for a moment as fatigue clouds my brain … Again?
“Yes
...

He hugs me tightly
...
So would I,” he murmurs, then leans down and softly kisses the top of my head
...
”
Not finished with me yet
...
There’s no way I can do any more
...
I’m leaning against his chest, my eyes are closed, and he’s
wrapped around me – arms and legs – and I feel… safe, and oh so comfortable
...
I open my eyes
and glance up at him
...

“Don’t,” he breathes in warning
...
I want to run my tongue through the hair, kiss him, and
for the first time, I notice he has a few random and faint small, round scars dotted around his chest
...

“Kneel by the door,” he orders as he sits back, putting his hands on his knees, effectively releasing me
...

I stumble clumsily up into a standing position and scoot over to the door and kneel as instructed
...
Who would have thought I could have found such
gratification in this room
...
My inner goddess has a
‘do not disturb’ sign on the outside of her room
...
My eyes start to droop
...
Oh shit,
caught napping – this is not going to be good
...

“Stand up,” he orders
...
He stares at me, and his mouths quirks up
...

“Stamina, Miss Steele
...
“I haven’t had my fill of you yet
...
”
I blink at him
...
I do as I’m told
...
Holy hell
...

“Look familiar,” he asks, unable to conceal his smile
...
Restocking at Clayton’s! It all becomes clear
...
Okay – that’s got my attention – I’m awake now
...
” He holds them up for me to see
...
”
I try to pull my wrists apart, testing my bonds, and as I do, the plastic bites into my flesh – it’s sore,
but if I relax my wrists they’re fine – the tie is not cutting into my skin
...
” He takes my hands and leads me over to the four-poster bed
...

“I want more – much, much more,” he leans down and whispers in my ear
...
Oh boy
...
You’re tired
...

I frown
...

“Lower,” he orders
...
Don’t let go
...
Understand?”
“Yes, Sir
...
”
He stands behind me and grasps my hips, and then quickly lifts me backward so I’m bending forward,
holding the post
...
“I’m going to fuck you hard from behind
...
Understand?”

“Yes
...
Ow… It stings
...

“Part your legs
...

“That’s better
...
”
Sleep? I’m panting
...
He reaches up and gently strokes my back
...
At the same time, his hands move round to my front palming my
breasts, and as he does this, he traps my nipples between his fingers and tugs them gently
...

He gently bites and sucks me at my waist, tugging my nipples, and my hands tighten on the
exquisitely carved post
...

“You have such a captivating, sexy ass, Anastasia Steele
...
”
His hands smooth and shape each of my buttocks, then his fingers glide down, and he slips two fingers
inside me
...
You never disappoint, Miss Steele,” he whispers, and I hear the wonder in his voice
...
”
He grabs my hips and positions himself, and I brace myself for his assault
...
Very
slowly he eases into me, pulling my hair at the same time… oh the fullness
...

“Hold on, Anastasia!” he shouts through clenched teeth
...
My arms are aching, my legs feel uncertain, my scalp is
getting sore from his tugging my hair… and I can feel a gathering deep inside me
...
Christian continues to move roughly against me, in me, his breathing harsh, moaning,
groaning
...
But suddenly, Christian stills, slamming
really deep
...

When sense returns, I’m lying on him
...
Oh…
the karabiners, I think absently – I’d forgotten about those
...

“Hold up your hands,” he says softly
...
He wields the scissors and passes one
blade under the plastic
...

I giggle and rub my wrists as they’re freed
...

“That is such a lovely sound,” he says wistfully
...

“That’s my fault,” he says and shifts me so that he can rub my shoulders and arms
...

“That you don’t giggle more often
...

“Oh, but when it happens, Miss Steele, ‘tis a wonder and joy to behold
...
Grey,” I mutter, trying to keep my eyes open
...

“I’d say you’re thoroughly fucked and in need of sleep
...

He grins and gently lifts me off him and stands, gloriously naked
...
Picking up his jeans, he slides them back on, commando
...
Jones for that matter,” he mutters
...
The thought preoccupies me
...
He patiently dresses me as if I’m a small child
...
When

I’m covered and respectable, he leans down and kisses me gently, his mouth quirks up in a smile
...

Oh… no…
“For sleep,” he adds reassuringly when he sees my expression
...
Greene examined me
...

I am exhausted
...
Pulling back the duvet, he lays me down, and
even more surprisingly, climbs in beside me and holds me close
...

And before I can make a facetious comment, I’m asleep
...
I moan and burrow into my pillow
...
” Christian’s voice is soft, cajoling
...

“We have to leave in half an hour for dinner at my parents
...

I open my eyes reluctantly
...
Christian is leaning over, gazing at me intently
...
Get up
...

“I’ve bought you a drink
...
Don’t go back to sleep, or you’ll be in trouble,” he
threatens, but his tone is mild
...


I’m refreshed but suddenly nervous
...
It will be Kate’s first time meeting them too – at least she’ll be there for support
...
They’re stiff
...

I climb slowly out of bed and note that my dress is hanging outside the wardrobe and my bra is on the
chair
...
Nothing
...
I flush at the memory, after he, I can’t even bring myself to
think about it, he was so – barbarous
...
Why hasn’t he given me back my panties?
I steal into the bathroom, bewildered by my lack of underwear
...
He wants me to be embarrassed
and ask for my panties back, and he’ll either say yes or no
...
Hell… two
can play that particular game
...
Anastasia Steele! My subconscious chides me,
but I don’t want to listen to her – I almost hug myself with glee because I know this will drive him
crazy
...
I remove the braid
and hastily brush out my hair, I then glance down at the drink he’s left
...
What’s this? Cranberry and sparkling water
...

Dashing back into the bathroom, I check myself in the mirror: eyes bright, cheeks slightly flushed,
slightly smug look because of my panty plan, and I head downstairs
...
Not bad, Ana
...
Doesn’t he have
any other colors? Frank Sinatra sings softly over the surround sound speakers
...
He looks at me expectantly
...

“Hi,” he says
...

“Good, thanks
...
”
He is so waiting for me to say something
...
I never figured you for a Sinatra fan
...

“Eclectic taste, Miss Steele,” he murmurs, and he paces toward me like a panther until he’s standing

in front of me, his gaze so intense it takes my breath away
...
‘Witchcraft
...

“Dance with me,” he murmurs, his voice husky
...
He is totally beguiling, and I’m bewitched
...
He grins lazily down at me and pulls me into his embrace, his arm curling around my
waist, and he starts to sway
...
And he
starts to move
...
We cover the floor, from the window to the kitchen and back again,
whirling and turning in time to the music
...

We glide around the dining table, over to the piano, and backwards and forwards in front of the glass
wall, Seattle twinkling outside, a dark and magical mural to our dance, and I can’t help my carefree
laugh
...

“There’s no nicer witch than you,” he murmurs, then kisses me sweetly
...
Thank you for the dance
...

“Do you have everything you need?”
“Oh, yes,” I respond sweetly
...
His face splits into a huge
grin, and he shakes his head
...
If that’s the way you want to play it, Miss Steele
...
Oh, the many faces of Christian Grey
...
He’s enjoying a private joke, a trace of a smile flirting with his
beautiful mouth
...
What was I thinking? I’m going to see his
parents, and I’m not wearing any underwear
...
In the relative safety of his apartment, it seemed like a fun, teasing idea
...
The
amused look disappears from his face and his expression clouds, his eyes dark… oh my
...
Christian shakes his head slightly as if to clear his
thoughts and gestures for me to exit before him in a most gentlemanly manner
...
He has my panties
...
Christian opens the rear door for me, and I climb inside as
elegantly as I can, considering my state of wanton undress
...

We speed up the I-5, both of us quiet, no doubt inhibited by Taylor’s steady presence in the front
...

He’s brooding, staring out of the window, and I can feel him slipping away from me
...
What can I say in front of Taylor?
“Where did you learn to dance?” I ask tentatively
...

“Do you really want to know?” he replies softly
...

“Yes,” I murmur, reluctantly
...
Robinson was fond of dancing
...
She has taught him well, and the thought depresses me – there’s
nothing I can teach him
...

“She must have been a good teacher
...

My scalp prickles
...
I smile involuntarily as I recall being in his arms as he
spun me around his living room, so unexpected, and he has my panties, somewhere
...
I rub my wrists reflexively – thin strips of plastic will do that
to a girl
...
Or perhaps he
would have found his way there anyway in spite of Mrs
...

I realize, in that moment, that I hate her
...
I can’t remember ever feeling this passionately about anyone, especially
someone I’ve never met
...

My mind drifts back to the afternoon
...
Would I do it again? I can’t even pretend to put up an argument against that
...

That’s the bottom line
...
My inner goddess sighs with relief
...


“Don’t,” he murmurs
...

“Don’t what?” I haven’t touched him
...
” Reaching out, he grasps my hand, draws it up to his lips, and kisses
my knuckles gently
...
Thank you
...
I blink up at him and smile shyly
...
I ask a question
that’s been bugging me
...

“It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s something different for you to feel and experience
...
” He smiles at me mildly
...
”
I flush and glance nervously at Taylor, who remains impassive, eyes on road
...

“All part of my world, Anastasia
...

His world indeed, and I want to belong in it, but on his terms? I just don’t know
...
My inner musings do nothing to cheer me
...
We’re crossing one of the bridges, surrounded by inky darkness
...

I glance briefly at Christian, and he’s staring at me
...

I sigh and frown
...
”
He smirks at me
...

It is just before eight when the Audi draws into the driveway of a colonial-style mansion
...
Picture-book perfect
...


I nod, and he gives my hand another reassuring squeeze
...
“Bet you wish you were wearing your
underwear right now,” he teases
...
I’d forgotten my missing panties
...
I scowl at Christian who grins broadly as I turn and
climb out of the car
...
Grace Trevelyan-Grey is on the doorstep waiting for us
...
Grey, I presume, tall, blond, and as handsome in his own way as
Christian
...
This is my dad, Carrick
...
Grey, what a pleasure to meet you
...

“The pleasure is all mine, Anastasia
...
”
His blue eyes are soft and gentle
...
” Grace wraps me in a warm hug
...
”
“Is she here?” I hear a screech from within the house
...

“That would be Mia, my little sister,” he says almost irritably, but not quite
...
Christian obviously adores her
...

And she comes barreling down the hall, raven haired, tall, and curvaceous
...

“Anastasia! I’ve heard so much about you
...

Holy Cow
...

“Ana, please,” I murmur as she drags me into the large vestibule
...

“He’s never brought a girl home before,” says Mia, dark eyes bright with excitement
...
He narrows his eyes at me
...
“Hello, darling,” she says as she kisses Christian on both
cheeks
...

We all turn and head into the living room
...
The room is spacious,

tastefully furnished in creams, browns, and pale blue, comfortable, understated, and very stylish
...
Kate bounces up to embrace
me, and Mia finally releases my hand
...
“Christian
...

“Kate
...

I frown at their exchange
...
What is this, hug Ana week? This
dazzling display of affection – I’m just not used to it
...
Placing his hand on my hip, he spreads out his fingers and pulls me close
...
It’s unnerving
...
Grey seems to recover himself
...

Oh… this is beyond weird
...

“You’re even saying the same things
...
” She scoots out of the room
...
Elliot probably freely and happily asked Kate to meet his
parents
...
I frown at the thought
...
The realization is bleak and depressing
...

“Dinner’s almost ready,” Grace says as she follows Mia out of the room
...

“Sit,” he commands, pointing to the plush couch, and I do as I’m told, carefully crossing my legs
...

“We were just talking about vacations, Ana,” Mr
...
“Elliot has decided to follow Kate
and her family to Barbados for a week
...
She’s delighted
...
Grey asks
...

Christian gapes at me, blinking a couple of times, his expression unreadable
...

I haven’t mentioned this to him
...


“My mother lives there, and I haven’t seen her for a while
...

“Tomorrow, late evening
...

“Your good health!” Mr
...
An appropriate toast from a doctor’s husband, it makes
me smile
...

Holy crap… he’s angry
...
It will depend how my interviews go tomorrow
...
She smiles over-sweetly
...
Why is she so antagonistic towards him?
What is her problem?
“You have interviews?” Mr
...

“Yes, for internships at two publishers, tomorrow
...
”
“Dinner is on the table,” Grace announces
...
Kate and Elliot follow Mr
...
I go to follow, but Christian
clutches my elbow, bringing me to an abrupt halt
...
His tone is soft, but he’s
masking his anger
...
”
“What about our arrangement?”
“We don’t have an arrangement yet
...
Releasing my hand, he takes my elbow and
leads me out of the room
...

Oh, crapola
...
I glare at him
...
A crystal chandelier hangs over

the dark wood table and there’s a massive, ornately carved mirror on the wall
...
It’s
stunning
...
Mr
...
Mr
...
Mia
takes her seat beside Christian, and grabbing his hand, squeezes it tightly
...

“Where did you meet, Ana?” Mia asks him
...
”
“Which Kate edits,” I add, hoping to steer the conversation away from me
...

“Wine, Ana?” Mr
...

“Please
...
Mr
...

I peek up at Christian, and he turns to look at me, his head cocked to one side
...

“Please don’t be mad at me,” I whisper
...
”
I stare at him
...

“Yes, I am mad at you
...

“Palm-twitchingly mad?” I ask nervously
...

I flush, and Christian glares at her in a butt-out-of-this-Kavanagh kind of way – even Kate wilts under
his stare
...

Kate smiles, a wicked gleam in her eye
...
I widen my eyes at her
...
How little she knows
...

“He was fine,” I murmur
...

“Palm-twitchingly mad,” he whispers
...
” His tone is quiet and deadly
...
I squirm
...
Her eyes immediately find Christian in the room
...

What!
Somewhere in the house the phone starts ringing
...
Grey rises again and exits
...
Grey exits
...
” Gretchen nods, and with another furtive glance at Christian, she leaves
...
Can this evening get any
worse? I scowl at my hands in my lap
...
Grey returns
...
It’s the hospital,” he says to Grace
...
” Grace smiles as she hands me a plate and leaves
...
And in spite of the fact that my stomach is churning from Christian’s veiled threats,
the surreptitious glances from pretty little Miss Pigtails, and the debacle of my missing underwear, I
am starving
...

Moments later Grace returns, her brow furrowed
...
Grey cocks his head to one side… like
Christian
...

“Oh no
...
The fourth case this month
...
” She shakes
her head sadly, and then smiles
...
They never caught
anything worse than chicken pox, thank goodness
...
Elliot frowns mid chew and squirms uncomfortably
...
They got it so mildly, only a spot to share between them
...

“So, did you catch the Mariners game, Dad?” Elliot’s clearly keen to move the conversation on
...
Grey, and Christian talk
baseball
...
My mind is working furiously
...
I haven’t signed that
contract yet
...
Perhaps I’ll stay in Georgia where he can’t reach me
...

I’m grateful for her question, distracting me from my discordant thoughts, and I tell her about our
move
...

She proceeds to clear the table, brushing rather too closely to Christian for my liking
...

Kate and Mia are waxing lyrical about Paris
...

“No, but I’d love to go
...

“We honeymooned in Paris
...
Grey who grins back at her
...
They obviously love each other deeply, and I wonder for a brief
moment what it must be like to grow up with both one’s parents in situ
...
“In spite of the Parisians
...

“I think Anastasia would prefer London,” Christian says softly
...
He places his hand on my knee – his fingers traveling up my thigh
...
No… not here, not now
...
His
hand clamps down on my thigh, stilling me
...

Little Miss European Pigtails returns, all coy glances and swaying hips, with our en-trée, a Beef
Wellington, I think
...
He looks quizzically at me as I watch her close the dining room door
...
“Didn’t they take to your winsome
ways?”
“Ugh, no they didn’t
...
”

I splutter into my wine
...

Humor has returned to his voice
...
When I nod, he pats my back gently, and only
removes his hand when he knows I’ve recovered
...
It is
even more palatable since Christian manages to retain his good-humor for the rest of the meal
...
The conversation flows freely among the Greys, warm
and caring, gently teasing each other
...
We all stare at her, and she stares back
puzzled, until Christian tells her in equally fluent French what she’s done, whereupon she bursts into a
fit of giggles
...

Elliot holds forth about his latest building project, a new eco-friendly community to the north of
Seattle
...
I haven’t quite worked out which yet
...
Laters, baby, he’s saying, and it’s hot, freaking hot
...

I sigh and peek up at Fifty Shades
...
He has light stubble
over his chin, and my fingers itch to scratch it and feel it against my face, against my breasts…
between my thighs
...
He peers down at me and raises his hand to
pull at my chin
...
“I want to do that
...
Grey, Kate, and Elliot
discuss the merits of solar panels in Washington State
...
My breathing
hitches, and I press my thighs together in a bid to halt his progress
...

“Shall I give you a tour of the grounds?” he asks me quite openly
...
Before I can answer however, he’s on his feet and
holding his hand out to me
...

“Excuse me,” I say to Mr
...

He leads me through the hallway and into the kitchen where Mia and Grace are stack-ing the
dishwasher
...

“I’m going to show Anastasia the backyard,” Christian says innocently to his mother
...

We step out onto a grey flagstone patio area lit by recessed lights in the flagstones
...

Christian walks past those, up some steps, and onto a vast lawn that leads down to the bay… oh my –
it’s beautiful
...
Beside the jetty stands a boathouse
...
I stand and gape for a moment
...

“Stop, please
...

He stops and gazes at me, his expression unfathomable
...
I need to take my shoes off
...
I squeal loudly with
shocked surprise, and he gives me a ringing slap on my behind
...

Oh no… this is not good, my subconscious is quaking at the knees
...
Jeez, he’s easy to rile
...

“Boathouse,” he snaps
...

“Why?” I sound breathless, bouncing on this shoulder
...
”
“What for?”
“Because I’m going to spank and then fuck you
...

“You know why,” he hisses
...

“Anastasia, I’m in the moment, trust me
...


Christian bursts through the wooden door of the boathouse and pauses to flick on some lights
...
From
my upside-down view, I can see an impressive motor launch in the dock floating gently on the dark
water, but I only get a brief look before he’s carrying me up some wooden stairs to the room above
...
It’s decorated with a nautical New England
theme: navy blues and creams with a dash of red
...

Christian sets me on my feet on the wooden floor
...
I am mesmerized… watching him like one would watch a rare and dangerous
predator, waiting for him to strike
...
Gray eyes blaze with anger, need, and pure unadulterated lust
...
I could spontaneously combust from his look alone
...

His brow furrows, his eyes widening
...

“I don’t want you to spank me, not here, not now
...
”
His mouth drops open slightly in surprise, and beyond brave, I tentatively reach up and run my fingers
down his cheek, along the edge of his sideburn, to the stubble on his chin
...
Slowly closing his eyes, he leans his face into my touch, and
his breath hitches in his throat
...
I love
his hair
...

Stepping forward so I am flush against him, I pull gently on his hair, bringing his mouth down to
mine, and I kiss him, forcing my tongue between his lips and into his mouth
...
His hands find their way into my hair, and he kisses me back, hard
and possessive
...
He tastes
divine
...
My hands drop to his arms and
he glares down at me
...

“Kissing you
...
”
“What?” No to what?
“At the dinner table, with your legs
...

“But we were at your parents’ dining table
...

“No one’s ever said no to me before
...
”
His eyes widen slightly, filled with wonder and lust
...
I swallow instinctively
...
He pulls me sharply against him, and I can feel his erection
...

“I’m mad because you never mentioned Georgia to me
...
What kind of friend does that? And I’m mad and aroused because you closed your
legs on me
...

“I want you, and I want you now
...
”
My dress is now barely covering my naked behind
...
His other arm holds me firmly in place around my
waist
...

“This is mine,” he whispers aggressively
...
Do you understand?” He eases his finger in and
out as he gazes down at me, gauging my reaction, his eyes burning
...
My nerve endings, my breathing, my heart is pounding, trying to leave my chest, the blood
thrumming in my ears
...
Withdrawing his fingers, leaving me wanting,
unzipping his fly, and pushing me down onto the couch so he’s lying on top of me
...
He takes out a foil packet, gazing down at me, his
expression dark, before shrugging off his jacket so it falls to the floor
...

I place my hands on my head, and I know it’s so I won’t touch him
...

I feel my hips moving already up to meet him – wanting him inside me, like this – rough and hard
...

“We don’t have long
...
Do you understand?
Don’t come, or I will spank you,” he says through clenched teeth
...
I groan loudly, gutturally, and revel in the fullness of his
possession
...
I am trapped
...
But it’s
heavenly too, this is my power, this is what I do to him, and it’s a hedonistic, triumphant feeling
...
I mustn’t come
...
But I’m meeting him thrust for thrust, a perfect counterpoint
...

He relaxes momentarily, so I feel his entire, delicious weight on me
...
All of a sudden,
he withdraws, leaving me aching and hungry for more
...

“Don’t touch yourself
...
That’s what you do to me by not talking to me, by
denying me what’s mine
...

I nod, panting
...
I gaze at him, my breathing still erratic, and involuntarily I squeeze my thighs together, trying
to find some relief
...
He turns back to gaze down at me, his expression softer
...
”
I sit up, a little unsteadily, dazed
...
You may put these on
...
I don’t grin as I take them from him, but inside I
know – I’ve taken a punishment fuck but gained a small victory over the panties
...


“CHRISTIAN!” Mia shouts from the floor below
...

“Just in time
...
”
I scowl back at him, hastily restore my panties to their rightful place, and stand with as much dignity
as I can muster in my just-fucked state
...

“Up here, Mia,” he calls down
...

“I don’t believe I deserve it Mr
...
”
“Unprovoked? You kissed me
...

I purse my lips
...
”
“Defense against what?”
“You and your twitchy palm
...

“But it was tolerable?” he asks softly
...

“Barely,” I whisper, but I can’t help my smirk
...
” She beams at us
...
” Christian holds his hand out to me, his gray eyes intense
...

“Kate and Elliot are about to leave
...
” Mia feigns disgust and looks from Christian to me
...
I blush scarlet
...
“Let’s go say goodbye to Kate and Elliot
...
I
gasp in surprise
...

Back in the house, Kate and Elliot are making their farewells to Grace and Mr
...
Kate hugs me
hard
...

“He needs antagonizing, then you can see what he’s really like
...
“See you later
...

I’m fully aware that her actions come from a good place, but sometimes she just oversteps the mark,
and right now so far that she’s into the neighboring state
...
Playful Kate is novel, must be Elliot’s influence
...

“We should go too – you have interviews tomorrow
...

“We never thought he’d find anyone!” she gushes
...
I purse my lips
...

“Take care of yourself, Ana, dear,” Grace says kindly
...

“Let’s not frighten her away or spoil her with too much affection,” he grumbles
...
” Grace scolds him indulgently, her eyes glowing with love and affection for
him
...
I surreptitiously watch their interaction
...
He bends and kisses her stiffly
...
Grey – goodbye and thank you
...
I do hope we see you again, very soon, Ana
...
Has he been waiting here the
whole time? Taylor opens my door, and I slide into the back of the Audi
...
Jeez, what a day
...
After a brief conversation with Taylor, Christian clambers into the car beside me
...

“Well, it seems my family likes you, too,” he murmurs
...
Taylor starts the car and heads away from the circle of light in the driveway to the darkness
of the road
...

“What?” he asks, his voice quiet
...
No – I’ll tell him
...

“I think that you felt trapped into bringing me to meet your parents
...
“If
Elliot hadn’t asked Kate, you’d never have asked me
...

“Anastasia, I’m delighted that you’ve met my parents
...
You’re such a strong, self-contained young woman, but you have such negative
thoughts about yourself
...
Is that how you
were feeling the whole time you were there?”
Oh! He wanted me there – and it’s a revelation
...
He seems genuinely pleased that I’m here… a warm glow spreads
slowly through my veins
...
I glance nervously at Taylor
...
Talk to me
...

“Yes
...
And another thing, I only mentioned Georgia because Kate was talking about
Barbados – I haven’t made up my mind
...
”
He looks oddly at me, like he’s having some internal struggle
...

What!?
“Erm… I don’t think that’s a good idea
...
”

He stares at me
...

“That’s putting it mildly!”
In the light of the passing street lamps, I see his lips quirk up
...
Grey,” I reply with mock seriousness
...
”
“You are quite funny
...
”
“Funny peculiar or funny ha ha?”
“Oh… a lot of one and some of the other
...
”
“I’m not sure if I can figure anything out around you, Anastasia,” he says sardonically, and then
continues quietly, “What do you need to think about in Georgia?”
“Us,” I whisper
...

“You said you’d try,” he murmurs
...
”
“Are you having second thoughts?”
“Possibly
...

“Why?”
Holy crap
...
What do I say? Because I think I love you, and
you just see me as a toy
...
The car is heading back across the bridge
...

“Why, Anastasia?” Christian presses me for an answer
...
I don’t want to lose him
...
I have never felt as alive as I do now
...
He’s so
unpredictable, sexy, smart, and funny
...
He says he’ll
think about my reservations, but it still scares me
...
What can I say? Deep down I
would just like more, more affection, more playful Christian, more… love
...

“Talk to me, Anastasia
...
This last week… ” He trails off
...
And it’s such a fitting metaphor
...
He’s not a hero, he’s a man with serious, deep emotional flaws, and he’s dragging
me into the dark
...

“I know,” he says
...
”
I blink up at him, and he relinquishes my hand and pulls at my chin, releasing my trapped lip
...
” He’s radiating sincerity
...
I unbuckle my seatbelt, reach across, and clamber into his lap, taking him
completely by surprise
...

“Stay with me, tonight,” he breathes
...

Please
...
“And I’ll try too
...
” And it’s a spur of the moment decision
...

“Sign after Georgia
...
Think about it hard, baby
...
” And we sit in silence for a mile or two
...

I nuzzle up against him, eyes closed, my nose at his throat, drinking in his sexy Christian-and-spicedmusky-body-wash fragrance, my head on his shoulder
...
Oh, and it’s so real, tangible almost, and a small part of my nasty harpy
self-conscious acts completely out of character and dares to hope
...

All too soon, I’m torn from my impossible daydream
...

Home, with Christian
...

Taylor opens the door for us, and I thank him shyly, aware that he’s been within earshot of our
conversation, but his kind smile is reassuring and gives nothing away
...
Oh no… what have I done now?
“Why don’t you have a jacket?” he frowns as he shrugs out of his and drapes it over my shoulders
...

“It’s in my new car,” I reply sleepily, yawning
...

“Tired, Miss Steele?”
“Yes, Mr
...
” I feel bashful under his teasing scrutiny
...
”
“Well, if you’re really unlucky, I may prevail upon you some more,” he promises as he takes my hand
and leads me into the building
...
I have assumed he’d like me to sleep with him, and then I remember
that he doesn’t sleep with anyone, although he has with me a few times
...
He reaches up and grasps my chin, freeing my lip from teeth
...
”
Bending down, he clamps his teeth around my lower lip and pulls gently
...
I reciprocate, fastening my teeth over his top lip,
teasing him, and he groans
...


“Do you need a drink or anything?”
“No
...
Let’s go to bed
...

“You’re going to settle for plain old vanilla?”
He cocks his head to one side
...

“Since when?”
“Since last Saturday
...

“Oh no
...
” My inner goddess pouts at me, failing miserably to hide
her disappointment
...
” He grins at me lascivi-ously
...

He shakes his head
...
Sooner you’re in bed, sooner you’ll be fucked,
and sooner you can sleep
...
Grey, you are a born romantic
...
I may have to subdue it some way
...
” He leads me down
the hallway into his bedroom and kicks the door closed
...

I oblige, and in one breathtakingly swift move, he removes my dress like a magician, grasping it at the
hem and pulling it smoothly and fleetly over my head
...

I giggle and applaud politely
...
How can I resist him when he’s like this?
He places my dress on the lone chair beside his chest of drawers
...

“Oh my dear, Miss Steele
...
“And I’ll show you
...

His eyes widen with surprise, and I see a glimmer of excitement
...
Not sure how you’re going to avoid me,” he says sardonically
...
”
“But I’m a good negotiator
...
” He stares down at me, but as he does, his expression changes, confusion washes over him,
and the atmosphere in the room shifts abruptly, tensing
...

“No,” I breathe
...
” He frowns
...

“I want you to make love to me
...
His expression darkens
...
Give him a
minute! My subconscious snaps
...
Two hands
...

“I thought we did?” he says eventually
...
”
He takes an involuntary step back from me, his expression for a moment fearful, and then he reins it
in
...

He recovers himself
...
And I’m saying no
...
”
Oh… I can’t argue with that… can I?
“Look, you’re tired, I’m tired
...

“So touching is a hard limit for you?”
“Yes
...
”

“Please tell me why
...
Just drop it for now,” he mutters exasperated
...
”
Again he runs both hands through his hair, and he utters an oath beneath his breath
...
I catch
it, bemused
...

I frown but decide to humor him
...
I leave my panties on, I haven’t worn them for most of the
evening
...
” My voice is a whisper
...

“Now you’re asking permission?”
“Err… no
...
Today, at this point in our strange arrangement, you
don’t need my permission to use it
...
He shrugs out of his shirt, and I
scoot into the bathroom
...
After all that I’ve done
today, it’s still the same ordinary girl gaping back at me
...
And what the hell are you doing? Touching is
his hard limit
...
My subconscious is furious,
medusa-like in her anger, hair flying, her hands clenched around her face like Edvard Munch’s
Scream
...
You are making him mad – think about all
that’s he’s said, all he’s conceded
...
I need to be able to show him affection –
then perhaps he can reciprocate
...
My subconscious is right of course
...
He’s not ready and neither am I
...
We both need to
edge closer to the middle
...
This is all so quick
...
Georgia seems more appealing than ever
...

“Come in,” I splutter through a mouthful of toothpaste
...
He’s bare-chested, and I drink him in like I’m crazed with thirst

and he’s clear cool mountain spring water
...
Our eyes lock in the mirror, gray to blue
...
Wordlessly, he takes the toothbrush from me and puts it in
his mouth
...

“Do feel free to borrow my toothbrush
...

“Thank you, Sir,” I smile sweetly, and I leave, heading back to bed
...

“You know this is not how I saw tonight panning out,” he mutters petulantly
...
”
He clambers onto the bed and sits cross-legged
...
Fifty shades
...
Why would you?”
“Because I want to know you better
...
”
“How can you say that?” I struggle up onto my knees, facing him
...

“You’re rolling your eyes
...
”
“Oh, I’d like to put you there again
...

“Tell me and you can
...
”
“You’re bargaining with me?” His voice resonates with astonished disbelief
...
Yes… this is the way
...
”
“It doesn’t work that way, Anastasia
...
Tell me, and I’ll roll my eyes at you
...
I’ve not seen him for a while
...

“Always so keen and eager for information
...

After a moment, he gracefully climbs off the bed
...

Trepidation lances through me, and I hug myself
...
Suppose he returns with a cane, or some weird kinky implement?
Holy shit, what will I do then? When he does return, he’s holding something small in his hands
...

“When’s your first interview tomorrow?” he asks softly
...
”
A slow wicked grin spreads across his face
...
” And before my eyes, he subtly changes
...
hot
...

“Get off the bed
...
” He points to beside the bed, and I scramble up and off in doublequick time
...

“Trust me?” he asks softly
...
He holds out his hand, and in his palm are two round, shiny, silver balls, linked with a thick
black thread
...

I look questioningly up at him
...
” He pauses, gauging my wide-eyed reaction
...
My inner goddess is doing the dance of
the seven veils
...

Agreed?”
He’s asking my permission! Breathlessly, I nod
...

“Good girl
...
”
Mouth?

“Wider
...

“They need lubrication
...

The balls are cold, smooth, surprisingly heavy, and metallic tasting
...
Christian’s gray gaze does not leave mine
...
I squirm slightly
...

“Stop
...
Moving toward the bed, he throws the duvet aside and sits
down on the edge
...
”
I stand in front of him
...
”
I blink at him, and his expression darkens
...

Fuck, this is sexier than the toothbrush
...
Jeez, can I touch my ankles?
I find I can, with ease
...
Thank heavens I have
retained my panties, but I suspect I won’t for long
...
With
my eyes open, I can see his legs through mine, nothing else
...
My body braces itself in
a heady mix of wild anticipation and arousal
...
Oh, it feels good
...

His breathing halts, and I hear him gasp as he repeats the motion
...
Oh my
...
It’s a curious feeling
...

He straightens my panties and leans forward, and his lips softly kiss my behind
...

O h ! Now I can feel them… sort of
...


“You okay?” he asks, his voice stern
...
” My answer is feather soft
...
” I turn and face him
...
The feeling startles me but not in a
bad way
...

“Strange
...

“Good
...

“I want a glass of water
...
”
Oh
...
Think about that, Anastasia
...
It’s such a weird feeling and not
entirely unpleasant
...
Oh my… I may have to keep these
...

He’s watching me carefully when I return
...

Slowly, he takes a sip then places the glass on his bedside table
...
And I know he’s doing this to build the anticipation
...

He turns his bright gray gaze to mine
...
Stand beside me
...
”
I sidle up to him, my blood thrumming through my body, and this time… I’m excited
...

“Ask me,” he says softly
...
Ask him what?

“Ask me,” his voice is slightly harder
...
I won’t say it again
...
He wants me to ask him to spank me
...
He’s looking at me expectantly, his eyes growing colder
...

“Spank me, please… Sir,” I whisper
...
Reaching up, he grasps my left hand and he tugs
me over his knees
...

My heart is in my mouth as his hand gently strokes my behind
...
This time he doesn’t throw his leg over mine, but smoothes my
hair out of my face and tucks it behind my ear
...
He tugs gently and my head shifts back
...

His hand moves down between the cheeks of my behind, and he pushes against my sex, and the full
feeling is… I moan
...

“This is for pleasure, Anastasia, mine and yours,” he whispers softly
...
The balls are forced forward inside me, and I’m lost in a quagmire of sensation
...

I screw my face up as my faculties attempt to absorb all these foreign feelings
...
He caresses my backside again, trailing his
palm across my skin and over my underwear
...
I groan as
the sensation spreads
...

The down ones are the best
...
It’s such a stimulating, erotic feeling, and
for some reason, because this is on my terms, I don’t mind the pain
...
It’s somehow manageable, and yes
pleasurable… even
...
Yes, I can do this
...
I writhe on his legs, not because I want to
escape the blows, but I want… more, release, something
...
It’s overwhelming, and he starts again
...
Oh, the downs, I groan
...

He spanks me twice more, and then he pulls at the small threads attached to the balls and jerks them
out of me suddenly
...
Moving swiftly, he gently turns
me over
...
He seizes my hands,
hoists them over my head, and eases himself onto me, into me, sliding slowly, filling me where the
silver globes have been
...

“Oh, baby,” he whispers as he moves back, forward, a slow sensual tempo, savoring me, feeling me
...
As I clench around him, it ignites his release, and he
slides into me, stilling, gasping out my name in desperate wonder
...

Finally, he leans back and stares down at me
...

He doesn’t linger for more sweet kisses, but rises, covers me with the duvet, and disappears into the
bathroom
...
He sits beside me on the bed
...

Honestly, all this fuss
...

“Your ass is a glorious color,” he says approvingly, and he tenderly massages the cooling lotion into
my pink behind
...

“Miss Steele, you know how to ruin a moment
...
”
“How do you feel?”
“Short changed
...
Careful not to touch my stinging behind, we
are spooning again
...

“The woman who brought me into this world was a crack-whore, Anastasia
...
”
Holy fuck… what does that mean?

“Was?”
“She’s dead
...

“She died when I was four
...
Carrick has given me some details
...
Please go to sleep
...
”
“Goodnight, Ana
...


There is light everywhere
...
I want to hide, just a few more minutes
...
A glorious Seattle morning greets me –
sunshine pouring through the full-height windows and flooding the room with too-bright light
...

I lie back for a moment staring through the windows at the lofty vista of Seattle’s skyline
...
A fantasy – a castle in the air, adrift from the ground, safe from the realities
of life – far away from neglect, hunger, and crack-whore mothers
...
I frown
because it still doesn’t explain why I can’t touch him
...
I’m adrift from reality
...
When the grim reality is he wants a special
arrangement, though he’s said he’ll try more
...

I clamber out of bed feeling stiff, and for want of a better expression, well-used
...
My subconscious purses her lips in disapproval
...
That’s if I sign
...
Of course you’ll sign
...

He’s not in the art gallery, but an elegant middle-aged woman is cleaning in the kitchen area
...
She has short blonde hair and clear blue eyes; she wears a plain
white tailored shirt and a navy blue pencil skirt
...

“Good morning, Miss Steele
...
Who is this attractive blonde in Christian’s kitchen?
I’m only wearing Christian’s t-shirt
...

“I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage
...

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry – I’m Mrs
...
Grey’s housekeeper
...

“How do you do?” I manage
...
Do you know where Mr
...
”
“Thank you
...
Why does Christian only have attractive blondes working for
him? And a nasty thought comes involuntarily into my mind – Are they all ex-subs? I refuse to
entertain that hideous idea
...
He’s on the phone, facing the
window, in black pants and a white shirt
...

“Unless that company’s P&L improves, I’m not interested, Ros
...
Yes, tell Barney that
the prototype looks good, though I’m not sure about the inter-face… No, it’s just missing
something… I want to meet him this afternoon to discuss…

In fact, him and his team, we can brainstorm…
...
Transfer me back to Andrea… ” He waits,
staring out of the window, master of his universe, staring down at the little people below from this
castle in the sky
...
A slow, sexy smile spreads across his beautiful face, and I’m
rendered speechless as my insides melt
...

No my inner goddess scowls at me, not too beautiful for me
...

The idea sends a thrill through my blood and dispels my irrational self-doubt
...

“Clear my schedule this morning, but get Bill to call me
...
I need to talk to Marco this
afternoon, that will need at least half an hour… Schedule Barney and his team in after Marco or
maybe tomorrow, and find time for me to see Claude everyday this week… Tell him to wait… Oh…
No, I don’t want publicity for Darfur… Tell Sam to deal with it… No…
...
That’s next
Saturday?… Hold on
...

“Friday
...

“I’ll need an extra ticket because I have a date… Yes Andrea, that’s what I said, a date, Miss
Anastasia Steele will accompany me… That’s all
...
“Good morning, Miss Steele
...
Grey,” I smile shyly
...
He smells so good; clean and
freshly laundered, so Christian
...

“I didn’t want to wake you, you looked so peaceful
...
I just came to say hi before I had a shower
...
He leans down and gently kisses me, and I can’t help myself
...

Pushing my body flush against his, I kiss him back
...
My attack takes him by surprise, but
after a beat, he responds, a low groan in his throat
...
He pulls back, his eyes hooded
...
“I suggest you go and have your shower, or I shall
lay you across my desk, now
...

He stares bewildered down at me for a millisecond
...
You’re becoming insatiable,” he
murmurs
...

His eyes widen and darken while his hands knead my naked backside
...

“You want it, you got it, baby,” he mutters, producing a foil packet from his pants pocket while he
unzips his pants
...
Boy Scout
...
“I
sure hope you’re ready,” he breathes, a salacious smile across his face
...

I groan… oh yes
...
You’re so ready,” he whispers in veneration
...
He starts to move, really move
...
I groan
...
I
revel in his possession, his lust slaking mine
...

He twists his hips from side to side, and the feeling is exquisite
...
I close my eyes, feeling the build up – that delicious, slow, step climbing build
...
Oh yes… his stroke increasing fractionally
...
I am all sensation… all him, enjoying every thrust, every push that fills me
...

“Come on, baby, give it up for me,” he cajoles through gritted teeth – and the fervent need in his voice
– the strain – sends me over the edge
...
He slams into me and stops abruptly as he reaches his
climax, pulling at my wrists, and sinking gracefully and wordlessly onto me
...
that was unexpected
...

“What the hell are you doing to me?” he breathes as he nuzzles my neck
...
You weave some powerful magic
...
I tighten my
legs around him
...

He looks up, gazing at me, his expression is disconcerted, alarmed even
...

“You
...
Mine,” he says, each word a staccato
...
The force of his plea is so unexpected and disarming
...

“Yes, yours,” I whisper, derailed by his fervor
...
And in that brief moment, I can see his expression change and the shutters coming down
...

“Are you sore?” he asks, leaning over me
...

“I like you sore
...
“Reminds you where I’ve been, and only me
...
I glance
down at the foil packet beside me
...

He looks at me confused as he redoes his fly
...

“A man can hope, Anastasia, dream even, and sometimes his dreams come true
...
I just don’t understand
...
What is
his problem?
“So, on your desk, that’s been a dream?” I ask dryly, trying humor to lighten the atmosphere between
us
...
The thought is unwelcome
...

“I’d better go and have a shower
...


He frowns and runs a hand through his hair
...
I’ll join you for breakfast once you’re out of the shower
...
Jones has laundered your clothes from yesterday
...
”
What? When the hell did she do that? Jeez, could she hear us? I flush
...

“You’re most welcome,” he replies automatically, but there’s an edge to his voice
...
Although, it was very
...

“What’s wrong?” I ask softly
...
”
“You find me weird?” He tries to stifle a smile
...

“Sometimes
...

“As ever, I’m surprised by you, Miss Steele
...
”
“We aim to please, Mr
...
” I cock my head to one side like he often does to me and give his words
back to him
...
“I thought you were going to have a shower
...

“Yes… um, I’ll see you in a moment
...

He seemed confused
...
But
emotionally – well, I’m rattled by his reaction, and that was about as emotionally enriching as cotton
candy is nutritious
...
Jones is still in the kitchen
...

In the shower, I try to figure out what’s up with Christian
...
He seemed fine when I went into his study
...
No, I don’t get it
...
She’s whistling with her hands
behind her back and looking anywhere but at me
...
No – we’re all clueless
...
Kate’s plum dress hangs laundered and ironed in the closet along with my clean bra and
panties
...
Jones is a marvel
...

Christian is still nowhere to be seen, and Mrs
...

“Tea now, Miss Steele?” she asks
...
” I smile at her
...

“Would you like something to eat?”
“No, thank you
...
“She likes pancakes, bacon, and
eggs, Mrs
...
”
“Yes, Mr
...
What would you like, sir?”
“Omelet, please, and some fruit
...
“Sit,”
he orders, pointing to one of the bar stools
...
Jones busies herself with breakfast
...

“Have you bought your air ticket?”
“No, I’ll buy it when I get home – over the Internet
...

“Do you have the money?”
Oh no
...

He raises a censorious eyebrow at me
...


“Yes, I do, thank you,” I amend rapidly
...
It’s not scheduled to be used for three days, it’s at your disposal
...
Of course he has a jet, and I have to resist my body’s natural inclination to roll my eyes
at him
...
But I don’t, as I can’t read his mood
...
I wouldn’t want to do it
again
...
” He sounds almost wounded
...
But I’d be happier taking a scheduled flight
...

“As you wish,” he sighs
...
”
“Good
...
”
His lips curl up in a reluctant smile
...
”
“I am fully aware of that, Mr
...
Are you going to track my phone?” I ask innocently
...
”
He smirks
...
”
“I’ll send an email to the head of human resources and have her look into our head count
...

Oh thank the Lord, he’s recovered his sense of humor
...
Jones serves us breakfast and we eat quietly for a few moments
...
I peek up at him
...
”
He blanches, and his reaction makes me feel guilty for asking
...
” His voice is quiet as he gazes at me impassively
...
Doesn’t he have any close friends? Perhaps he
told Mrs
...
I shake my head at the
realization
...

“Will you think about our arrangement while you’re away?” he asks
...
”
“Will you miss me?”
I gaze at him, surprised by his question
...

How could he mean so much to me in such a short time? He’s got right under my skin… literally
...

“I’ll miss you too
...

My heart warms at his words
...
He gently strokes my cheek, bends down, and
kisses me softly
...
J
...
This is my second interview today, and the one I’m most anxious about
...
I can imagine being swallowed up and spat out
pretty quickly in such a corporate machine
...
It’s small and unconventional, championing local authors, and has an
interesting and quirky roster of clients
...
I am seated on
one of two dark green chesterfield couches made of leather – not unlike the couch that Christian has in
his playroom
...

My mind wanders as I think of the possibilities… no – I must not go there now
...

The receptionist is a young African-American woman with large silver earrings and long straightened
hair
...
The thought is
comforting
...
I tentatively return her smile
...
Christian has ordered me to take my BlackBerry and the Mac
...
He
likes control over everything, including me
...

He can be tender, good-humored, even sweet
...
He
insisted on accompanying me all the way down to my car in the garage
...
He keeps me on the back foot permanently
...
She has the same bohemian, floaty look as the receptionist
...
It’s so difficult to tell with older women
...

She gives me a polite smile, her cool hazel eyes assessing me
...
Very interview, I think
...

“Hello, Ana, my name’s Elizabeth Morgan
...
”“How do you
do?” I shake her hand
...

“Please follow me
...
The walls are pale green, lined with pictures
of book covers
...
Small, silver, hooped earrings glint in both his ears
...
As I approach him, he stands and gazes at me with fathomless dark blue eyes
...
”
We shake hands, and his dark expression is unreadable, though friendly enough, I think
...

“No, I’ve recently moved to the Pike Street Market area
...
Please, take a seat
...

“So why would you like to intern for us at SIP, Ana?” he asks
...
Doing
my best to ignore the irrational wariness he inspires, I launch into my carefully prepared speech,
conscious that a rosy flush is spreading across my cheeks
...
Jack and Elizabeth both listen attentively
...
What extra-curricular activities did you indulge in at WSU?”

Indulge? I blink at him
...
I launch into details of my librarianship at the
campus central library, and my one experience of interviewing an obscenely rich despot for the
student magazine
...
I mention the two
literary societies that I belonged to and conclude with working at Clayton’s and all the useless
knowledge I now possess about hardware and DIY
...
Slowly, I relax and begin to enjoy myself
...
Jack, on the other hand, appears to
only favor American literature written after 1950
...

No classics - not even Henry James or Upton Sinclair or F Scott Fitzgerald
...
Jack, though argumentative, is charming in his way, and my
initial wariness dissipates the longer we talk
...

With Christian Grey, the thought comes involuntarily into my head
...

“Copy editing perhaps? Maybe a literary agent, I’m not sure
...
”He grins
...
I don’t have any further questions
...

“When would you like someone to start?” I ask
...
“When could you start?”
“I’m available from next week
...

“If that’s all anyone has to say,” Elizabeth glances at the two of us, “I think that concludes the
interview
...

“It’s been a pleasure to meet you, Ana,” Jack says softly as he takes my hand
...

I feel unsettled as I make my way to my car, though I’m not sure why
...
Interviews seem such artificial situations, everyone on their best behavior
trying desperately to hide behind a professional façade
...

I climb into my Audi A3 and head back to the apartment, though I take me time
...

Kate is unpacking boxes in the kitchen when I return
...
Only Kate can look gorgeous in an oversized shirt, tattered

jeans, and a dark blue bandana
...
Not sure this outfit was cool enough for the second interview
...
”
Kate raises an eyebrow
...
” She cocks her head to one side - Gah! Why is everyone reminding me of my
favorite Fifty Shades? “Actually, Ana, you’re one of the few people who could really pull that look
off
...

“I really liked the second place
...
The guy who interviewed me was
unnerving though,” I trail off – shit I’m talking to foghorn Kavanagh here
...

“Incidentally – will you please stop winding Christian up? Your comment about José at dinner
yesterday was out of line
...
It doesn’t do any good, you know
...
He’s a real control freak
...
I was trying to make him jealous – give him a little help with his
commitment issues
...
“But – if you don’t want me to interfere, I
won’t,” she says hastily at my scowl
...
Life with Christian is complicated enough, trust me
...

“Ana,” she pauses staring at me
...

“No Kate
...
”
She closes the distance between us and takes my hands – a most un-Kate thing to do
...

“You’re just, I don’t know… different
...
Moneybags, you can talk to me
...
Look, Ana, if something’s wrong, you will tell me, I won’t judge
...
”
I blink back tears
...
” I hug her
...
”
“Ana, anyone can see that
...
He’s mad about you
...
”
I laugh uncertainly
...
”
“Have you told him?”
“Not in so many words
...

“Ana! Someone has to make the first move, otherwise you’ll never get anywhere
...
”
“And how do you know he’s not feeling the same?”

“Christian, afraid? I can’t imagine him being frightened of anything
...
Maybe fear was all he knew then
...

Kate gazes at me with pursed lips and narrowed eyes, rather like my subconscious – all she needs is
the half-moon specs
...
”
“We haven’t been doing much talking lately
...
Other stuff
...
Well, much more than okay
...

“That’ll be the sexing! If that’s going well, then that’s half the battle Ana
...
Are you ready to go?”
“I will be – we don’t have to leave for a couple of hours or so
...
” She grabs her jacket and leaves, forgetting to close the door
...

Is Christian afraid of his feelings for me? Does he even have feelings for me? He seems very keen,
says I’m his – but that’s just part of his I-must-own-and-have-everything-now – control-freak
dominant self, surely
...

I’ll miss you too… more than you know
...
I don’t want to think about it now
...
I approach it with caution, and I’m disappointed that there are no messages
...
Same email address Ana – my
subconscious rolls her eyes at me, and for the first time, I understand why Christian wants to spank me
when I do that
...
Well, I’ll write him an email
...

Thought you might be interested
...
Christian’s responses are usually instantaneous
...


From: Christian Grey
Subject: My day
Date: May 30 2011 19:03
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele
Everything you do interests me, you are the most fascinating woman I know
...

My morning was beyond all expectations
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
Don’t think I didn’t notice
...
Or thank Mrs
...

I’d like to ask you questions about her – without you weirding out on me again
...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Publishing and You?

Date: May 30 2011 19:10
To: Anastasia Steele
Anastasia
‘Weirding’ is not a verb and should not be used by anyone who wants to go into publishing
...

Jones? I’m intrigued
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: You and Mrs
...
It is an organic thing
...

Impeccable – compared to the other times we have… what’s your word… oh yes…
fucked
...

Is Mrs
...


From: Christian Grey
Subject: Language
...
Jones is a valued employee
...
I do not employ anyone I’ve had any sexual relations with
...

The only person I would make an exception to this rule is you – because you are a bright young
woman with remarkable negotiating skills
...
I am glad
you have limited experience
...
I shall take impeccable as a compliment – though with you, I’m never sure if that’s what
you mean, or if your sense of irony is getting the better of you – as usual
...
From His Ivory Tower From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Not for all the Tea in China
Date: May 30 2011 19:27
To: Christian Grey
Dear Mr
...
My views on this
have not changed, are not changing, and will not change, ever
...
My sense of irony and I, bid you goodnight
...

Ana

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Even Twinings English Breakfast Tea?
Date: May 30 2011 19:29

To: Anastasia Steele
Goodnight Anastasia
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
Leaning across, she hugs me
...
Have a wonderful holiday
...
Don’t let old moneybags grind you down
...
”
We hug again – and then I’m on my own
...
I haven’t bothered with a suitcase, just a smart rucksack that Ray gave me for my
last birthday
...

Mirroring his boredom, I hand over my ticket and my driver’s license as ID
...

“Okay, Miss Steele
...
”
“What?”
“Ma’am, if you’d like to go through to the first class lounge and await your flight there
...

“Surely there’s some mistake
...
” He checks his computer screen again
...
” He simpers at me
...
I narrow my eyes
...
Damn Christian Grey, interfering control freak –
he just can’t leave well enough alone
...
The First Class lounge has many
redeeming features
...
I open up my MacBook, hoping to test the theory that it works anywhere on the planet
...
Grey
What really alarms me is how you knew which flight I was on
...
Let’s hope that Dr
...

I have had a manicure, a back massage, and two glasses of champagne – a very nice start to my
vacation
...

Ana
From: Christian Grey

Subject: You’re Most Welcome

Date: May 30 2011 21:59
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele
Dr
...

Who was massaging your back?
Christian Grey
CEO with friends in the right places, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
Our flight has been called so I shall email him from the plane
...
I
almost hug myself with mischievous glee
...
Champagne cocktail in hand, I settle myself into the sumptuous
leather window seat as the cabin slowly fills
...

“Love you, Dad,” I murmur
...
Say hi to your mom
...
”
“Goodnight
...

Ray is in good form
...

Opening my laptop, I log into the email program
...
Yes
...
I wouldn’t have
encountered Jean-Paul in the ordinary departure lounge – so thank you again for that treat
...

Pleasant dreams Mr
...

Ana
Oh, he’s going to flip out – and I shall be airborne and out of reach
...

If I’d been in the ordinary departure lounge then Jean-Paul wouldn’t have gotten his hands on me
...
I think he was gay – but I’ll just keep that detail to myself
...
Kate is
right
...
My subconscious stares at me with an ugly twist to
her mouth – do you really want to wind him up? What he’s done is sweet, you know! He cares about
you and wants you to travel in

style
...
Not made me look like a complete klutz at checkin
...

“Miss Steele, you’ll need to stow your laptop for take-off,” the over-made-up flight attendant says
politely
...
My guilty conscience is at work
...
”
Crap
...
She hands me a soft blanket and pillow, showing
her perfect teeth
...
It’s nice to feel mol-lycoddled sometimes
...
Oh no… a disturbing
thought crosses my mind
...
Oh shit…
no… he wouldn’t do that
...
I glance anxiously
at my watch and then the disembodied voice from the flight deck announces,
“Cabin crew, doors to automatic and cross check
...
The seat next to me is the only unoccupied one in the sixteen-seat cabin
...
I take a sneak peek at my BlackBerry
...
Next time you’ll be in the cargo
hold, bound and gagged in a crate
...

I look forward to your return
...

Holy crap
...
I suspect on this occasion he’s seriously angry
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Joking?
Date: May 30 2011 22:30
To: Christian Grey

You see – I have no idea if you’re joking – and if you’re not – then I think I’ll stay in Georgia
...
Sorry I made you mad
...

A
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Joking
Date: May 30 2011 22:31
To: Anastasia Steele
How can you be emailing? Are you risking the life of everyone on board, including yourself, by using
your BlackBerry? I think that contravenes one of the rules
...

Two palms! I put my BlackBerry away, sit back while the plane taxis to the runway, and pull out my
tattered copy of Tess – some light reading for the journey
...

The flight attendant wakes me as we start our descent into Atlanta
...
m
...
I glance nervously at my BlackBerry
...
Well,
it’s nearly three in the morning in Seattle, and he probably wants to discourage me from screwing up
the avionics system, or whatever prevents planes from flying if mobile phones are switched on
...
And again I’m luxuriating in the confines of the first class lounge
...
But it will just not be long enough
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Do you like to scare me?
Date: May 31 2011 06:52 EST
To: Christian Grey
You know how much I dislike you spending money on me
...
However, I like traveling first class, it’s so much more
civilized than coach
...
I mean it – and I did enjoy the massage from Jean Paul
...
I omitted that bit in my email to you to wind you up, because I was annoyed with you, and
I’m sorry about that
...
You can’t write things like that to me – bound and gagged in a crate –
(Were you serious or was it a joke?) That scares me… you scare me… I am completely caught up in
your spell, considering a lifestyle with you that I didn’t even know existed until last Saturday week,
and then you write something like that and I want to run screaming into the hills
...
Really miss you
...
What you are offering is erotic and sexy, and
I’m curious, but I’m also scared you’ll hurt me – physically and emotionally
...
This just isn’t the sort of relationship I ever envisaged having, especially as my first
...

You were right when you said I didn’t have a submissive bone in my body… and I agree with you
now
...


I am so happy that you have said that you will try more
...
You dazzle me so
much I find it very difficult to think clearly when we’re together
...
I have to go
...

This one has only six seats in first class, and once we are in the air, I curl up under my soft blanket and
fall asleep
...
I sip slowly, beyond fatigued, and I allow myself to feel a
modicum of excitement
...
Sneaking
another covert look at my BlackBerry, I remember vaguely that I sent a long rambling email to
Christian – but there’s nothing in response
...

The beauty of carry-on rucksacks is that one can breeze out of the airport and not wait endlessly for
baggage at the carousels
...

My mom is waiting with Bob, and it is so good to see them
...

“Oh Ana, honey
...
” She glances anxiously at Bob
...
” I hug her tightly
...
Reluctantly, I relinquish her, and Bob gives me an
awkward one-armed hug
...

“Welcome back, Ana
...

“Aw, Bob, I’m just pleased to see you too
...
I like this husband, Mom
...
He takes my
backpack
...

I always forget how unbearably hot it is in Savannah
...
Whoa!

It saps everything
...
I am
so glad I packed shorts
...
By
the time I’m in the back of Bob’s wonderfully air-conditioned Tahoe SUV, I feel limp, and my hair
has started a frizzy protest at the heat
...
A :)*
My thoughts stray briefly to José as I press send, and through the fog of my fatigue, I remember that
it’s his show next week
...
I’ll deal
with that later
...

“Honey, you must be tired
...
I’d like to go to the beach
...

My mother lounges beside me in a ridiculously large floppy sun hat and Jackie O shades, sipping a
Coke of her own
...

She holds my hand
...
For the first time in forever, I start to relax
...
”
Spin! How can she tell? What to say? I can’t talk about Christian in any great detail because of the
NDA, but even then, would I choose to talk to my mother about it? I blanch at the thought
...

“His name’s Christian
...
He’s wealthy… too wealthy
...
”
Yes – I feel inordinately pleased with my concise, accurate summary
...
She gazes at me with her crystal-clear blue eyes
...
”

Oh no…
“Oh, Mom, his mood-swings make me dizzy
...
”
“Do you like him?”
“I more than like him
...

“Yes, Mom
...
They are very simple, literal creatures
...
And we spend hours trying to analyze what they’ve said
– when really it’s obvious
...
That might help
...
This sounds like good advice
...
Immediately some of the things
he’s said spring into my mind
...

I gaze at my mom
...
Maybe she does know something about men after
all
...
Take your father for instance…,” Her eyes
soften and sadden whenever she thinks of my dad
...
Part of me thinks my
mom has been looking for someone like my dad all this time… maybe she’s finally found what she’s
looking for in Bob
...

“I used to think your father was moody
...
” She sighs
...
Maybe that was
the issue
...
I smile fondly at her
...

“Bob wants to take us out tonight for dinner
...
”
“Oh no! Bob’s started playing golf?” I scoff in disbelief
...


After a light lunch back at the house, I start to unpack
...
My
mother has disappeared to mold some candles or whatever she does with them, and Bob is at work, so
I have time to catch up on some sleep
...

It’s two in the afternoon in Georgia, eleven in the morning in Seattle
...
Nervously, I log into the email program
...
Why can’t you do that when we’re together?
Yes, I’m rich
...
Why shouldn’t I spend money on you? We’ve told your father I’m your
boyfriend, for heaven’s sake
...
Incidentally, tell your mother too
...
I know that’s not what you’ve
written, but it’s what you imply
...
I’d like
you to have the best of everything
...
I
could buy you your heart’s desire, Anastasia, and I want to
...

Or simply know that I would not, could not ever think of you in the way you described, and I’m angry
that’s how you perceive yourself
...
Flynn
...
I find the thought of instilling fear in you abhorrent
...
Yes it was a joke, a
poor one obviously
...
I can lose the crate – crates do nothing for me
...
What I think you fail to realize is that in Dom/sub relationships it
is the sub that has all the power
...
I’ll repeat this – you are the one with all the power
...

In the boathouse you said no
...
If we try things and you don’t like them, we can revise the agreement
...
And if you don’t want to be bound and gagged in a crate, then it won’t happen
...
I have never wanted anything so much
...
That says more to me than you could ever know
...
I don’t
want to lose you
...
It’s the same for me Anastasia
...

I understand your trepidation
...
Your email for example: I have
read and re-read it countless times trying to understand your point of view
...
We could make it six months, a year? How long do you want it to be? What
would make you comfortable?
Tell me
...
I have to earn your trust, but by the same token,
you have to communicate with me when I am failing to do this
...
We have to guide
each other Anastasia, and I can only take my cues from you
...

You worry about not being submissive
...
Having said that, the only

time you do assume the correct demeanor for a sub is in the playroom
...

Exemplary is the term that comes to mind
...
I aim for pink
...
It’s a very novel and refreshing experience, and I
wouldn’t want to change that
...
I will endeavor to keep
an open mind, and I shall try and give you the space you need and stay away from you while you are in
Georgia
...

In the meantime, enjoy yourself
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
He’s written an essay like we’re back at school – and most of it good
...
Make our
agreement a year? I have the power! Jeez, I’m going to have to think about that
...
He doesn’t want to lose me
...
Oh Christian, so do I! He’s going to try and stay
away! Does this mean he might fail to stay away? Suddenly, I hope so
...
We’ve been
apart less than twenty-four hours, and knowing that I can’t see him for four days, I realize how much I
miss him
...


“Ana, honey
...
A gentle
hand brushes my face
...

“Ana, sweetheart,” she continues in her soft singsong voice while I surface from sleep, blinking in the
pale pink light of dusk
...
” I stretch out and smile
...
You still want to come?” she asks kindly
...
” I try very hard, but fail to stifle my yawn
...
” She points to my laptop
...

“Oh… this?” I strive for casual, surprised nonchalance
...

“Christian lent it to me
...
”
Really it’s nothing
...


“Has he emailed you?”
Oh double crap
...
” My nonchalance is wearing thin, and I flush
...
”
“What does he say?”
Oh triple crap
...

I’m sure she doesn’t want to hear about Doms and bondage and gagging, but then I can’t tell her
because there’s the NDA
...
”

“Sounds reasonable
...
” Leaning over, she kisses my forehead
...
It’s wonderful to see you
...

Hmm, Christian and reasonable… two concepts that I thought were mutually exclusive, but after his
email, maybe all things are possible
...
I will need time to digest his words
...
I climb out of bed and quickly slip out of my t-shirt and
shorts, and head to the shower
...
It’s the only dressy item I
have
...
As I dress, I wake the laptop up
...
Very quickly, I type him an email
...
I have to go to dinner at Bob’s golf club, and just so you
know, I am rolling my eyes at the thought
...
I loved your email
...
I miss you already
...

Your Ana
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Your behind
Date: May 31 2011 16:10
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele
I am distracted by the title of this email
...

Enjoy your dinner, and I miss you too, especially your behind and your smart mouth
...
I think it was you
who so judiciously pointed out to me that I too suffer from that nasty habit
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Eye Rolling
Date: May 31 2011 19:14 EST
To: Christian Grey
Dear Mr
...
I am trying to get ready for dinner
...
And yes – who spanks you when you roll your eyes?
Your Ana
I press send, and immediately the image of that evil witch Mrs
...
I just
can’t picture it
...
Again I
wonder what damage she’s wrought
...
I need a doll to stick pins in,
maybe that way I can vent some of the anger I feel at this stranger
...
It is lucky that I am master of my own
destiny and no one castigates me
...
Flynn, of course
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
Grey? I think you are mixing me up with
someone else… which is very worrying
...

Your Ana

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Your behind
Date: May 31 2011 16:25
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele
You do it all the time in print
...

For some unknown reason, his words leap out of the page and make me gasp
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: NC-17

Date: May 31 2011 19:28 EST
To: Christian Grey
I would rather you unzipped it
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...


Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
Shit
...
”
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Moaning
Date: May 31 2011 19:39 EST
To: Christian Grey
Gotta go
...

I dash into the hall where Bob and my mother are waiting
...

“Darling - are you feeling ok? You look at bit flushed
...
”
“You look lovely, dear
...
You like it?”
Her frown deepens
...

“Well I like this one and she doesn’t,” I improvise quickly
...

“I’ll take you shopping tomorrow,” she says
...
I have plenty of clothes
...
”
“Too right,” moans Bob, rubbing his stomach and assuming a fake pained expression
...


Later when I’m in the shower, cooling under the lukewarm water, I reflect on how much my mother
has changed
...
Bob was warm and attentive… they seem so good for each other
...
It means I can stop worrying about her and second-guessing her decisions and put the dark
days of Husband Number Three behind us both
...
And she’s giving me good advice
...
Why is that?
When I’m done, I dry myself quickly, keen to get back to Christian
...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Plagiarism
Date: May 31 2011 16:41
To: Anastasia Steele
You stole my line
...

Enjoy your dinner
...


From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Who are you to cry thief?
Date: May 31 2011 22:18 EST
To: Christian Grey
Sir, I think you’ll find it was Elliot’s line originally
...
You left so suddenly - just when things were getting interesting
...
He’ll have stolen that line from someone
...


From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Unfinished Business?

Date: May 31 2011 22:26 EST
To: Christian Grey
Dinner was filling – you’ll be very pleased to hear, I ate far too much
...

And I was looking forward to doing just that
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...

And I would never be unwittingly obtuse, Mr
...

Surely you’ve worked that out by now ;)
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Can’t Wait
Date: May 31 2011 19:40
To: Anastasia Steele
I shall remember that, Miss Steele, and no doubt use the knowledge to my advantage
...
I thought I had a more concupiscent effect on you
...


I very much look forward to the next time
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Gymnastic Linguistics
Date: May 31 2011 22:36 EST
To: Christian Grey

Have you been playing with the thesaurus again?
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Rumbled
Date: May 31 2011 19:40
To: Anastasia Steele
You know me so well Miss Steele
...

Laters, baby©
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
I frown at the screen
...
I
want to hit something, preferably Mrs
...
Switching the laptop off in a temper, I clamber into
bed
...
Why can’t he
see her for what she is – a child molester? I switch off the light, seething, staring into the darkness
...
Does Dr
...
I am on a mission
...
I hit Google images and enter ‘Christian Grey’ into
the search engine
...
How did they get on the
Internet? Boy he looks good
...
Intimately? Do I know Christian intimately? I know him sexually,
and I figure there’s a lot more to discover there
...
I click to the next page
...
Then, on the third page, there’s a picture of me, with him, at
my graduation
...

Holy cow! I’m on Google! I stare at us together
...

This was just before I agreed to try
...
I gaze at him, such a

beautiful face, a beautiful face that could be staring at Mrs
...
I save the
picture in my favorites and click through all eighteen screens… nothing
...
Robinson
on Google
...
I type a quick email to Christian
...

Ana
PS Was it Mrs
...
Part of me is desperate to know more, and another part wants to forget he ever told
me
...
I quickly program
an alarm into the calendar on my BlackBerry
...


After a morning of shopping and an afternoon back at the beach, my mother has decreed we should
spend the evening in a bar
...
I am on my second Cosmopolitan
...
She is
offering more insights into the fragile male ego
...

“You see, Ana, men think that anything that comes out of a woman’s mouth is a problem to be solved
...
Men
prefer action
...
She’s been like this all day
...
You’ve never brought a boy home
...
I thought something might develop with that guy you met in college, José
...
”
“I know, sweetheart
...
” She gazes at
me, her face etched with motherly concern
...

He tends to overwhelm me
...
I miss him though
...

I have not heard from Christian all day
...
I am tempted to call him to see if he’s
okay
...
Robinson has
got her evil claws into him again
...

“Darling, I have to visit the powder room
...
I have been trying
surreptitiously to check emails all day
...
Robinson
...

Looking forward to seeing you again
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
My scalp prickles as adrenaline and fury lance through my body, all
my worst fears realized, crashing through me
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: OLD Dinner Companions
Date: June 1 2011 21:42 EST
To: Christian Grey
She’s not just an old friend
...

“Ana, you’re so pale
...

“Nothing
...


Her brow furrows, but she glances up and attracts the attention of one of the waiters, pointing to our
glasses
...
He understands the universal language of ‘same again, please
...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Careful…
Date: June 1 2011 21:45 EST

To: Anastasia Steele
This is not something I wish to discuss via email
...

Holy fuck, he’s here
...

“Ana, what is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost
...
”
“What? Really?” She glances around the bar too
...

I see him
...
He’s
really here – for me
...
Moving smoothly
through the crowd, his hair glints burnished copper and red under the recessed halogens
...
Oh holy shit…
no
...
How can I be angry with him in front of my mother?
He arrives at our table, gazing at me warily
...

“Hi,” I squeak, unable to hide my shock and awe at seeing him here in the flesh
...


“Christian, this is my mother, Carla
...

He turns to greet my mom
...
Adams, I am delighted to meet you
...
She doesn’t have a hope
...
Jeez,
get a grip Mom
...
My mother hasn’t replied
...

“Christian,” she manages finally, breathlessly
...
I narrow my eyes at them both
...
I am thrilled to see him, but completely thrown off balance, my anger
about Mrs
...
I don’t know if I want to shout at him or throw
myself into his arms – but I don’t think he’d like either – and I want to know how long he has been
watching us
...

“I came to see you, of course
...
Oh, what is he thinking? “I’m
staying in this hotel
...

“Well, yesterday you said you wished I was here
...
“We aim to
please, Miss Steele
...

Crap – Is he mad? Maybe the Mrs
...

“Won’t you join us for a drink, Christian?” She waves to the waiter who is at her side in a nanosecond
...
“Hendricks if you have it or Bombay Sap-phire
...
”
Holy hell… only Christian could make a meal out of ordering a drink
...
I am drinking with my mother
– no way can he be angry about that
...
”
“Thank you, Mrs
...
”

Christian pulls a nearby chair over and sits gracefully down beside me
...

“Or, you just happen to be drinking in the hotel where I’m staying,” Christian replies
...
I was distracted thinking about your most recent
email, and I glance up and there you are
...
Thank heavens – we may be able to save the evening after all
...
We decided on a few
cocktails this evening,” I mutter, feeling that I owe him some sort of explanation
...
And
you’ve caught some sun
...
”
I flush, speechless at his compliment
...
But here you are
...
The electric charge zapping beneath my skin under the gentle
pressure from his thumb, firing into my blood stream and pulsing around my body, heating everything
in its path
...

Oh my
...
My breath hitches
...

“I thought I’d surprise you
...
”
I glance quickly at Mom who is staring at Christian… yes staring! Stop it Mom
...
I mean, I know I’ve never had a boyfriend, and Christian only qualifies as
such for ease of reference – but is it so unbelievable that I could attract a man? This man? Yes, frankly
– look at him – my subconscious snaps
...

“I don’t want to interrupt the time you have with your mother
...
I
have work to do,” he states earnestly
...

“Ana has spoken very fondly of you
...

“Really?” He raises an eyebrow at me, an amused expression on his face, and I flush again
...


“Hendricks, sir,” he says with a triumphant flourish
...

I sip my latest Cosmo nervously
...

“Until Friday, Mrs
...
”
“Will you have dinner with us tomorrow evening? And please, call me Carla
...
”
“Excellent
...
”
Mom… you’ve just been
...

“So, you’re mad at me for having dinner with an old friend
...

Jeez, he wants to do this now?
“Yes,” I murmur as my heated blood courses through me
...
“I don’t want anyone but you
...

“I think of her as a child molester, Christian
...

Christian blanches
...
It wasn’t like that,” he whispers, shocked
...
Judgmental?
“Oh, how was it then?” I ask
...

He frowns at me, bewildered
...

“She took advantage of a vulnerable fifteen-year-old boy
...
Robinson was a Mr
...

“Ana, it wasn’t like that
...


“Okay, it didn’t feel like that to me,” he continues quietly
...

What I needed
...
” It’s my turn to look bewildered
...
I’m not comfortable talking about this now
...
If you don’t want me here, I have a plane on stand-by at Hilton Head
...
”
He’s angry with me… no
...
Please
...
I’m just trying to make you understand
...
Think about how you are when I get anywhere near José
...
I have never had a sexual relationship with him
...

“You’re jealous?” He stares at me, dumbfounded, and his eyes soften slightly, warming
...
”
“Anastasia, she helped me, that’s all I’ll say about that
...
I haven’t had to justify my actions to anyone in the last seven years
...
I do as I wish, Anastasia
...
I didn’t go and see Mrs
...
I went because every now and then we have dinner
...
”
Business partner? Holy crap
...

He gazes at me, assessing my expression
...
The sex is over between us
...
”
“Why did your relationship finish?”
His mouth narrows, and his eyes gleam
...
”
Holy shit!
“Can we talk about this some other time – somewhere more private?” he growls
...
”
“I don’t think of her that way
...
Now that’s enough!” he snaps
...

I plaster a fake smile on my face as both Christian and I lean back hastily… guiltily
...

“Fine, Mom
...
What is he thinking? Did he
love her? I think if he did, I will lose it, big time
...
”
No… no… he can’t leave me hanging like this
...
I’ll call on you in the morning, Anastasia
...
”
“Oh, it’s so nice to hear someone use your full name
...

Oh Mom, – et tu Bruté? I stand, gazing up at him, imploring him to answer my question, and he kisses
my cheek, chastely
...
Then he’s gone
...
My anger returns in full force
...

“Well strike me down with a feather, Ana
...
I don’t know what’s going on between you
two though
...
Phew – the UST in here, it’s unbearable
...

“MOM!”
“Go talk to him
...
I came here to see you
...
It’s obvious you two are crazy about
each other
...
He’s just flown three thousand odd miles to see you, for heaven’s
sake
...
”
I flush
...

“What?” she snaps at me
...

Why am I embarrassed? Her eyebrows shoot up
...
“Ana, there’s something going on between you two
...
But the only way you are going to sort the problem, whatever it is, is to talk it
through with him
...
”
I frown at my mother
...
Go with your gut
...

“I think I’m in love with him,” I mutter
...
And he with you
...
Hell – what do you need? A neon sign flashing on his forehead?”
I gape at her and tears prick the corner of my eyes
...
Don’t cry
...
”
“I don’t care how rich you are, you don’t drop everything and get in your private plane to cross a
whole continent just for afternoon tea
...
It’s also
neutral territory
...
I want to go and I don’t
...
I want you happy – and right now I think the key
to your happiness is upstairs in room 612
...
If you stay – well… you’re a big girl now
...
”
I flush stars and stripes red
...

“Let’s finish our Cosmos first
...
” She grins
...
Christian opens the door
...
He blinks at me in
complete surprise, then holds the door open wide and beckons me into his room
...
And the cost?
...

“Sheesh… that was one expensive mistake… And Lucas?
...
He’s in a suite, like the one at the Heathman
...
All muted dark purples and golds with bronze starbursts on the walls
...
He indicates that I should
help myself, then wanders into the bedroom
...
I shrug
...
I hear water running… he’s filling a bath
...
He
ambles back into the room
...
Barney said he’d cracked the problem… ”
Christian laughs
...
”
Christian doesn’t take his eyes off me
...

“If their incentives are attractive enough… I think we should consider it, though I’m not sure about
the damned heat here… I agree Detroit has its advantages too, and it’s cooler… ” His face darkens
momentarily
...
Tomorrow… Not too early
...
Okay… my turn to talk
...

“No
...

“No you didn’t answer my question or no you didn’t love her?”
He folds his arms and leans against the wall, and a small smile plays upon his lips
...
”
He takes a deep breath
...
I didn’t love her
...

I can’t believe I’m holding my breath
...
Well, thank heavens
for that
...
Who would have thought?”
“Are you making fun of me, Mr
...
” He shakes his head solemnly, but he has a wicked gleam in his eye
...
”
He smirks as I give him back the words he’s said to me before
...

“Please stop biting your lip
...
” His tone has changed to soft, sensual
...

My breath hitches
...

He takes a step towards me wearing his sexy predatory look
...
Now
...
That’s why you’re here
...

“Well, now you that you do, are you coming or going?”
I flush as he comes to a halt in front of me
...

“Oh, I hope so
...
“You were so mad at me,” he breathes
...
”
“I don’t remember anyone but my family ever being mad at me
...
”
He runs the tips of fingers down my cheek
...
We’re
supposed to be talking, but my heart is pounding, my blood singing as it courses through my body,
desire, pooling, unfurling… everywhere
...
“We should talk
...

“Later
...
”
“Me too
...
Pulling my head back, he
exposes my throat to his lips
...

“I want you,” he breathes
...

“Are you bleeding?” He continues to kiss me
...
Does nothing slip by him?

“Yes,” I whisper, embarrassed
...
” I flush
...

“Did you take your pill?”
“Yes
...
”
Oh?
He takes my hand and leads me into the bedroom
...
But we don’t stop there
...
It’s huge – In the second room a sunken bath, big enough for four
people with stone steps that lead into it, is slowly filling with water
...

Candles flicker to the side
...

“Do you have a hair tie?”
I blink at him, fish into my jeans pocket, and pull out a hair elastic
...
I do as he asks
...
He leans over and shuts off the
faucet
...

“Lift up your arms,” he breathes
...
Not taking his eyes off mine, he reaches around and undoes the top
button on my jeans and the zipper
...
”
Leaning down, he kisses my neck
...
Hooking his
thumbs into my jeans, he slowly slides them down my legs, sinking down behind me as he pulls them
and my panties to the floor
...
”
Grasping the edge of the sink, I do just that
...
He kisses and then softly bites my behind, making me gasp
...
I try hard to stay still, ignoring my natural inclination to cover myself
...

“Look at you
...
“See how you feel
...

He places my hands on my belly
...
”
His voice is soft and low
...
“Feel
how full your breasts are
...

He gently strokes my nipples with his thumbs over and over
...
He squeezes my nipples
between our thumbs, pulling gently so that they elongate further
...
Oh this feels good
...

“That’s right, baby,” he murmurs
...
He slides his leg in between mine, pushing my feet further apart, widening my stance, and runs
my hands over my sex, one hand at a time in turn, setting up a rhythm
...
Truly I am a
marionette and he is the master puppeteer
...
I
groan
...

“Carry on,” he orders, and stands back watching me
...
No
...
It doesn’t feel the same
...
He pulls his
shirt over his head and quickly takes off his jeans
...

“Oh yes… please,” I breathe
...
His chest hair scrapes against me, his erection presses against me
...
He bites the nape of my neck, and I close my eyes, enjoying the myriad of sensations;
my neck, my groin… the feel of him behind me
...
I am flush against him, and he kisses me wildly,
ravaging my mouth with his
...

His breathing is ragged, matching mine
...
“Err
...


“Good
...

“Hold on to the sink,” he orders and pulls my hips back again, like he did in the playroom, so I’m
bending down
...
Holy fuck
...

And then he’s inside me… ah! Skin against skin… moving slowly at first… easily, testing me,
pushing me… oh my
...

Oh the sweet agony… his hands clasp my hips
...
I can feel myself quicken
...

Whoa… and I come, loudly, gripping for dear life onto the sink as I spiral down through my orgasm,
everything spinning and clenching at once
...

“Oh, Ana!” His breathing is ragged in my ear, in perfect synergy with mine
...

Will it always be like this? So overwhelming, so all-consuming, so bewildering and beguiling
...
I am curled on his lap,
my head against his chest, as we both calm
...
I must not nuzzle
...
I repeat the mantra in my head – though I am so tempted to
do so
...
We are both quiet, lost in our thoughts
...

I remember that I have my period
...

“Doesn’t bother me,” he breathes
...
” I can’t keep the dryness out of my voice
...

“Does it bother you?” he asks softly
...
I lean back and look up at him, and he
gazes down at me, his eyes a soft cloudy gray
...
”
He smirks
...
Let’s have a bath
...
As he does, I notice again
the small, round, white scars on his chest
...
Grace
said he was hardly affected
...

Burns from what? I blanch at the realization, shock and revulsion coursing through me
...
Robinson, his birth mother, who? Who did this to him? Maybe there’s a
reasonable explanation, and I’m over-reacting – wild hope blossoms in my chest
– hope that I am wrong
...

“Your scars,” I whisper
...
”
I watch as in a split second he closes down, his stance changing from relaxed, calm, and at ease, to
defensive – angry, even
...

“No, they’re not,” he snaps, but he does not elaborate further
...

“Don’t look at me like that
...

I flush, chastened, and stare down at my fingers, and I know, I know that someone stubbed cigarettes
out on Christian
...

“Did she do that?” I whisper before I can stop myself
...
He’s glaring at me
...
Robinson? She’s not an animal, Anastasia
...
I don’t understand why
you feel you have to demonize her
...
And I’m naked too – neither of us has anywhere to hide, except perhaps the bath
...

It is deliciously warm, soothing, and deep
...

“I just wonder what you would be like if you hadn’t met her
...
”

He sighs and steps down into the bath opposite me, his jaw clenched with tension, his eyes frosty
...
Jeez – have I made
him that mad?
He stares impassively at me, his face unreadable, saying nothing
...
It’s your turn Grey – I am not caving this time
...
Christian and I stare
at each other, but I am not backing down
...

“I would probably have gone the way of my birth mother, had it not been for Mrs
...
”
Oh! I blink at him
...

What the hell does that mean?
“Acceptable?” I whisper
...
” He stares intently at me
...
It’s very hard to grow up in a perfect family when you’re not perfect
...
My mouth dries as I digest his words
...
He’s not
going to tell me any more
...
Inside, I’m reeling – he sounds so full of self-loathing
...
Robinson loved him
...

“Does she still love you?”
“I don’t think so, not like that
...
“I keep telling you it
was a long time ago
...
I couldn’t change it even if I wanted to, which I don’t
...
” He’s exasperated and runs a wet hand through his hair
...
” He pauses, “Except Dr
...
And the only reason I’m talking about this now, to you, is because I want you to trust
me
...

There’s so much I want to know
...
What do you want to know? What do I have to do?” His eyes blaze, and
though he doesn’t raise his voice, I know he’s trying to rein in his temper
...


“I’m just trying to understand, you’re such an enigma
...

I’m glad you’re telling me what I want to know
...
I move through the water to his side and lean against him so we’re touching, skin to skin
...
Well, that’s a turnaround
...

“Please don’t be angry with me,” I whisper
...
I’m just not used to this kind of talking – this probing
...
Flynn and with–” He stops and frowns
...
Mrs
...
You talk to her?” I prompt, trying to rein in my own temper
...
”
“What about?”
He shifts in the bath so that he’s facing me, causing the water to lap over the sides onto the floor
...

“Persistent aren’t you?” he murmurs, a trace of irritation in his voice
...

Anastasia, Mrs
...
We can discuss anything
...

“Yes
...

I bite my bottom lip, trying to curb the sudden rush of anger that surfaces
...
I
know I should stop
...
My subconscious has her Edvard Munch face on again
...
”
“What does that mean? Anyone who just didn’t automatically sign your paperwork, no questions
asked?”
He shakes his head
...
”
“And you take advice from Mrs
...
The hold on my temper is more tentative than I
thought
...


I’m skating on thin ice, and I’m heading into danger
...

I have no sexual or romantic interest in her whatsoever
...
That’s all
...
”
Jeez – another part I just can’t understand
...
How did they get away with it for
so long?
“And your parents never found out?”
“No,” he growls
...
”
And I know that’s it
...

“Are you done?” he snaps
...
”
He takes a deep breath and visibly relaxes in front of me, like a great weight is lifted from his
shoulders or something
...
“You haven’t responded to my
email
...
Oh, I hate the spotlight on me, and it seems he’s going to get angry every time we have a
discussion
...
Perhaps that’s how he feels about my questions, he’s not used to being
challenged
...

“I was going to respond
...
”
“You’d rather I wasn’t?” he breathes, his expression impassive again
...

“Good
...
“I’m pleased I’m here too – in spite of your
interrogation
...
I want to
know how you feel
...
I am pleased you’re here
...

“It’s my pleasure, Miss Steele
...

I feel myself responding automatically
...

He stops and pulls back, gazing down at me
...
I think I want some answers first before we do any more
...
And he wants answers… answers to what? I don’t have a secret past –
I don’t have a harrowing childhood
...

“What do you want to know?”
“Well, how you feel about our would-be arrangement, for starters
...
Truth or dare time – my subconscious and inner goddess glance nervously at one
another
...

“I don’t think I can do it for an extended period of time
...
” I
flush and stare at my hands
...

“No, I don’t think you could either
...

“Are you laughing at me?”
“Yes, but in a good way,” he says with a small smile
...

“You’re not a great submissive,” he breathes as he holds my chin, his eyes dancing with humor
...

“Maybe I don’t have a good teacher
...

“Maybe
...
” He cocks his head to one side and gives me an artful
smile
...
Jeez, no
...

It is his way of showing that he cares
...
He’s
staring at me, gauging my reaction
...
Was it that bad? I remember feeling confused by my reaction
...
He’s said over and over again it’s more in my head
...

“No, not really,” I whisper
...

“I suppose
...
”
“I remember feeling the same
...
”
Holy hell
...

“You can always safe-word, Anastasia
...
And, as long as you follow the rules, which
fulfill a deep need in me for control and to keep you safe, then perhaps we can find a way forward
...
”
“So it’s a form of therapy?”
“I’ve not thought of it like that, but yes, I suppose it is
...
This will help
...
That’s a very fine line to tread successfully
...

“I can see that
...
”
“But at what personal cost? I’m tied up in knots here
...

“That’s not what I meant!” I splash him in exasperation
...

“Did you just splash me?”
“Yes
...

“Oh, Miss Steele
...
“I think
we’ve done enough talking for now
...
Deeply
...
Angling
my head… controlling me
...
This is what he likes
...

Everything ignites inside me and my fingers are in his hair, holding him to me, and I’m kissing him

back and saying I want you too the only way I know how
...
He pulls back and looks at me, his eyes hooded, glowing
and lustful
...

“I’m going to have you now,” he whispers and lifts me so that I’m hovering over him
...

“Yes,” I whisper, and he eases me on to him, slowly, exquisitely slowly… filling me…
watching me as he takes me
...
He flexes his hips, and I
gasp, leaning forward, resting my forehead against his
...

“Don’t touch me,” he pleads, and releasing my wrists, he grabs my hips
...
He’s
watching me
...
He
looks so… hot
...
I lean down and kiss him
...
Tentatively, I bring my hands up to his head and run my fingers through his hair, not
taking my lips from his mouth
...
He likes this
...
And we move together
...
I moan
against his mouth
...
Kissing me back
...
All sensation… all consuming again
...
And the water… it’s
swirling around us, our own whirlpool, a stirring vortex as our movements become more frantic…
sloshing everywhere, mirroring what’s happening inside me… and I just don’t care
...
I love his passion, the effect I have on him
...
I
love that he cares about me… he cares
...

He is mine, and I am his
...

And I come, my orgasm ripping through me, a turbulent, passionate, apogee that devours me whole
...

“Ana, baby!” he cries, and it’s a wild invocation, stirring and touching the depths of my soul
...
Naked
...
Just looking and admiring, covered by the sheet
...
He is beautiful; the mix of colors in his hair
vivid against the white Egyptian cotton pillowcase, gray eyes, smoldering, expressive
...

“No
...
” I feel strangely energized
...

“What do you want to do?” he asks
...
”
He smiles
...
”
“What stuff?”
“You
...

“Today, it’s ‘The Piano’
...

“Of course
...
Such a sad, exciting score, which no doubt you can play? So many
accomplishments, Mr
...
”
“And the greatest one is you, Miss Steele
...
”
He frowns at me not comprehending
...
”
His lips quirk up, his eyes shining with incredulity
...
”
“You said fifteen,” My confusion is obvious
...
I thought that’s what you meant
...
”
“Oh
...
“Vanilla?”
“No
...

Why does he find this funny? And why am I grinning back at him like an idiot?
“I can’t give you a number
...
”
“What are we talking – tens, hundreds… thousands?” My eyes grow wilder as the numbers get larger
...
We’re in the tens, for pity’s sake
...
”
“Stop grinning at me,” I scold him mildly, trying and failing to keep a straight face
...
You’re funny
...
” His words mirror mine
...
”
He leans across and kisses the tip of my nose
...
Ready?”
I nod, wide-eyed, still with the stupid grin on my face
...
There are places in and around Seattle that one can
go and practice
...

What?
“Oh
...

“Yep, I’ve paid for sex, Anastasia
...
“And you’re right… I am deeply shocked
...
”
“You wore my underwear
...
” My inner goddess pole-vaults over the fifteen-foot bar
...
”
“Did that shock you?”
“Yes
...

“It seems I can only shock you in the underwear department
...
That’s the biggest shock I’ve ever had
...
” I giggle
...
”
“Did that shock you?”
“Yep
...

“Well, I may let you do it again
...
This weekend?”
“Okay,” I agree, shyly
...
I’ll go to the Red Room of Pain again
...
”
“That shocks you?”
“The fact that I like it shocks me
...
”
He grins
...
” His eyes glow with excitement
...
For you
...


I raise an eyebrow and stifle a yawn at the same time
...

“Never
...

“Sleep,” he commands, then switches off the light
...
And
in spite of all he’s said, and what he hasn’t said, I don’t think I have ever been so happy
...
Wearing his soft, ripped jeans, his chest and feet are
mouthwateringly naked, and he’s staring at me
...
In his hands he holds a bowl of strawberries
...
Holding up a plump ripe
strawberry, he extends his hand through the bars
...

I try and move toward him, but I’m tethered, held back by some unseen force around my wrist,
holding me
...

“Come, eat,” he says, smiling his delicious crooked smile
...
I am mute
...

“Eat, Anastasia
...

I open my mouth and bite, the cage disappears, and my hands are free
...

“Anastasia
...
I moan
...
”
No
...

“Wake up
...
Please
...
I’m in bed and someone is nuzzling
my ear
...

It’s Christian
...

“Oh… no,” I groan
...
Why is he waking me?
It’s the middle of the night, or so it feels
...
Does he want sex – now?
“Time to get up, baby
...
” His voice is quiet
...

“I want to chase the dawn with you,” he says, kissing my face, my eyelids, the tip of my nose, my
mouth, and I open my eyes
...
“Good morning, beautiful,”
he murmurs
...

“You are not a morning person,” he murmurs
...
Amused
...
Dressed! In black
...

“Anastasia, I always want sex with you
...

I gaze at him as my eyes adjust to the light, but he still looks amused… thank heavens
...
”

“It’s not late, it’s early
...
We’re going out
...
”
“I was having such a nice dream,” I whine
...

“You
...

“What was I doing this time?”
“Trying to feed me strawberries
...

“Dr
...
Up – get dressed
...
”
We!
I sit up, and the sheet pools at my waist, revealing my body
...

“What time is it?”
“5:30 in the morning
...
m
...
I let you sleep as long as possible
...
”
“Can’t I have a shower?”
He sighs
...
Come
...
Like a small boy, he’s iridescent with anticipation and excitement
...

“What are we doing?’
“It’s a surprise
...
”
I can’t help but grin up at him
...
” I clamber off the bed and search for my clothes
...
He’s laid out a pair of his jersey boxer briefs too, Ralph Lauren, no less
...
Hmm, another piece of Christian Grey’s underwear – a trophy to add to my
collection – along with the car, the BlackBerry, the Mac, his black jacket, and a set of old valuable
first editions
...
It evokes my dream
...
Flynn – Freud would have a field day – and

then he’d probably expire trying to deal with Fifty Shades
...
” Christian exits toward the living area, and I wander
into the bathroom
...
Seven minutes later, I am in the
living area, scrubbed, brushed and dressed in jeans, my camisole, and Christian Grey’s underwear
...
Breakfast! Jeez, at this
time
...

Holy Moses… my dream
...
Hmm, his expert
tongue
...

It really is too early for me
...
Can I take a croissant for later?”
He eyes me suspiciously, and I smile very sweetly
...

“I will eat later when my stomach’s woken up
...
m
...
” He peers down at me
...
I have to concentrate hard on not making a face at him
...
”
“By all means, do, and you will make my day,” he says sternly
...

“Well a spanking would wake me up, I suppose
...

Christian’s mouth drops open
...
” I
shrug nonchalantly
...

I can see the humor lurking in the back of his eyes
...
Drink your tea
...
See, he does care, my subconscious mouths at
me
...
Will I ever get enough of this man?

As we leave the room, Christian throws a sweatshirt at me
...
”
I look at him, puzzled
...
” He grins, leans over and kisses me quickly on the lips, then grabs my hand and we head
out
...
I raise an eyebrow at Christian, who smirks back at me
...
He’s so lovable when he’s playful and carefree
...
He is in such a good mood
...
” He grins as he slips the car into drive, and we head out on Savannah Parkway
...

“What’s this?” I ask as the sweet, sweet sound of a hundred violin strings assails us
...
An opera by Verdi
...

“La Traviata? I’ve headr of that
...
What does it mean?”
Christian glances at me and smirks
...
It’s based on Alexander Dumas’s book, La Dame aux
Camelias
...
I’ve read it
...
”
“The doomed courtesan
...
Is he trying to tell me
something? “Hmm, it’s a depressing story,” I mutter
...
” Christian has that secret
smile again
...
He taps the screen on the console between us, and behold - there is a
play list
...
” His lips twitch up into a smile, and I know it’s a challenge
...
I scroll through the touch screen, and find the perfect
song
...
I wouldn’t have figured him for a Britney fan
...
Maybe it’s too early for this: Britney’s at her most sultry
...

“I don’t know what you mean
...

He turns the music down a little more, and inside I am hugging myself
...
He turned the music down
...

What? He knows what he’s doing, the bastard
...
Who… who?
The song ends and the iPod shuffles to Damien Rice being mournful
...
Who?
“It was Leila,” he answers my unspoken thoughts
...
”
Damien warbles away in the background as I sit stunned
...

“Yes
...
”
“Why?”
Oh jeez
...
But he looks relaxed, happy even, and what’s
more, talkative
...
” His voice is low, introspective even, and he leaves the sentence hanging between
us, ending it with that powerful little word again
...
Shit, do I want to know?
He shakes his head
...
”
I gasp, reeling
...
Isn’t this what I want? He wants more
...

It’s not just me
...

Jeez he’s talking – take advantage
...
”
“Okay
...
”
“Elena?”
“Mrs
...
” He half smiles his secret private joke smile
...
The evil one has a name and its all-foreign sounding
...
I must
not dwell
...

“What happened to the four?” I ask to distract myself
...

“Oh, Mr
...
”
“Does he?”
“I do
...
”
“Neither do I! Well, not for a few years yet
...
Okay
...

Now or never? I am reeling from his sudden, unprecedented attack of candor
...


“So the other four, what happened?” I ask
...
The other three wanted – more
...
”
“And the others?” I press
...

“Just didn’t work out
...
I glance in the side mirror of the car, and I notice the
soft swell of pink and aquamarine in the sky behind
...

“Where are we headed?” I ask, perplexed, gazing out at the I-95
...

“An airfield
...
I haven’t said goodbye to my mom
...

He laughs
...
”
“Second?” I frown at him
...
I told you my favorite this morning
...

“Indulging in you, Miss Steele, that’s got to be top of my list
...
”
Oh,
“Well that’s quite high up on my list of diverting, kinky priorities too
...
“I’m
pleased to hear it,” he mutters dryly
...

“Soaring
...
He’s mentioned it before
...
” He turns and grins at me as the GPS urges him to turn
right into what looks like an industrial complex
...


Gliding! We’re going gliding?
He switches off the engine
...

“You’re flying?”
“Yes
...
He grins and leans forward and kisses me
...

First? What sort of first? First time flying a glider… shit! No – he said that he’s done it before
...
He walks round and opens my door
...
Dawn is upon us
...
Waiting beside them is a man with a shaved head and a wild look in his eye,
accompanied by Taylor
...

“Mr
...
Mark Benson,” says Taylor
...

“Hello, Taylor,” I murmur shyly
...
” He nods a greeting at me, and I frown
...

“He’s been hell on wheels the last few days
...

Oh, this is news – Why? Surely not because of me! Revelation Thursday! Must be something in the
Savannah water that makes these men loosen up a bit
...
“Come
...

“See you later
...

“Mr
...
”
“Pleased to meet you,” I murmur as we shake hands
...

“Likewise,” he says, and I can tell from his accent that he’s British
...
Wow… gliding! We follow

Mark Benson out across the tarmac towards the runway
...
I catch the gist
...
Benson will be flying a Piper Pawnee
...
It all means nothing to me, but glancing up at Christian, he is so animated,
so in his element, it’s a pleasure to watch him
...
It has a small cockpit with two seats one
in front of the other
...
Benson opens the large, clear Perspex dome that frames the cockpit, allowing us to climb in
...
”
Parachute!
“I’ll do that,” Christian interrupts him and takes the harness off Benson, who smiles amenably at him
...

“You like strapping me into things
...

“Miss Steele, you have no idea
...
”
I do as I’m told, placing my arm on his shoulder
...
Once
my feet are in the loops, he pulls the parachute up, and I place my arms through the shoulder straps
...

“There, you’ll do,” he says mildly, but his eyes are gleaming
...

“You want me to put my hair up?”
“Yes
...

“In you go,” Christian commands
...
I go to climb into the back
...
Pilot sits at the back
...
”
“I’ll see plenty
...

I don’t think I have ever seen him so happy, bossy, but happy
...
It is surprisingly comfortable
...
He
tightens all the restraining straps
...

“This won’t take long – twenty, thirty minutes at most
...
I hope you’re not nervous
...
” I beam
...
My inner goddess – she’s
under a blanket behind the sofa
...
” He grins back, stroking my face, then disappears from view
...
Of course he’s strapped me in so tightly I
can’t move round to see him… typical! We are very low on the ground
...
I leave well alone
...
I think it’s the ballast
...
First time?” he asks me
...
”
“You’ll love it
...
Benson
...
” He turns to Christian
...
Let’s go
...
I am beyond excited, and I don’t think my stomach would be
game for food, excitement, and leaving the ground
...
Mark shuts the cockpit lid, strolls over to the plane in front, and climbs in
...
Jeez… I’m
really doing this
...
We’re off
...
I think it’s Mark talking to the
tower – but I can’t make out what he’s saying
...
It’s very bumpy, and in front of us, the single prop plane is still
on the ground
...

“Here we go, baby!” Christian shouts from behind me
...
All
I hear is the sound of the wind ripping past and the distant hum of the Piper’s engine
...


We head west, inland away from the rising sun, gaining height, crossing over fields and woods and
homes and I-95
...
This is amazing, above us only sky
...

Abruptly, I’m reminded of José’s show
...
I need to tell Christian
...
But I won’t worry about that, not now – I’m enjoying the ride
...
It is so peaceful
...
Away from his BlackBerry and all the pressures of his
job
...
Jeez, that sounds high,
...

“Release,” Christian says into the radio, and suddenly the Piper disappears, and the pulling sensation
provided by the small plane ceases
...

Holy fuck – it’s exciting
...

Icarus
...
I am flying close to the sun, but he’s with me, leading me
...

We spiral and spiral and, the view in this morning light is spectacular
...
suddenly, I am upside
down, looking at the ground through the top of the cockpit canopy
...
I can hear him laughing
...

“I’m glad I didn’t have breakfast!” I shout at him
...
”
He dips the plane once more until we are upside down
...
He levels the plane once more
...

“Yes
...
Who could ask for more?
“See the joy-stick in front of you?” he shouts again
...
Oh no, where’s he going with this?
“Grab hold
...
He’s going to make me fly the plane
...
Grab it,” he urges more vehemently
...

“Hold tight… keep it steady
...
”My heart is in
my mouth
...
I am flying a glider… I’m soaring
...
” Christian sounds delighted
...

“You’d be amazed what I’d let you do, Miss Steele
...
”
I feel the joystick move suddenly, and I let go as we spiral down several feet, my ears starting to pop
again
...
Jeez, that’s scary
...
”
Christian sounds his usual authoritative self
...
We sail round again in a wide circle, sinking slowly to the ground
...

“Hang on, baby
...
”
After another circle we dip, and suddenly we are on the ground with a brief thump, racing along the
grass – holy shit
...
The plane sways slightly then dips to the right
...

“How was that?” he asks, and his eyes are a shining, dazzling silver gray
...

“That was extraordinary
...

“Was it more?” he asks, his voice tinged with hope
...

“Come
...

As soon as I’m out, he grabs me and holds me flush against his body
...
He kisses
me, long, hard, and passionately, his tongue in my mouth
...
But I don’t care
...
I want him, here, now, on the ground
...
Wow
...

“Breakfast,” he whispers, making it sound deliciously erotic
...
He turns,
clasping my hand, and we head back toward the car
...
“We’ll eat now
...

Food! He’s talking food, when really all I want is him
...
” He smiles
...
I find myself walking beside him, hand in
hand, with a stupid, goofy grin plastered on my face
...
It was a perfect day, and this is sure shaping out to be the same
...
Oh yes… my
pill
...

I fumble in my purse for the packet
...

His lips quirk up
...
I hate condoms
...
He’s as patronizing as ever
...

“Isn’t that what you are?” He raises an eyebrow
...
”
“So did I, Anastasia, and I do
...
”
Oh my
...

“I’m very happy that you want more,” I whisper
...
” He smirks as we pull into the International House of Pancakes
...
” I grin back at him
...
Who would have thought… Christian Grey at IHOP
...
m
...
It smells of sweet batter, fried food, and disinfec-tant
...
Christian leads me to a booth
...

“My dad used to bring us to one of these whenever my mom went away at a medical conference
...
” He smiles at me, gray eyes dancing, then picks up a menu, running a hand through his
wayward hair as he stares down at it
...
I pick up a menu and examine it
...

“I know what I want,” he breathes, his voice low and husky
...
Holy shit
...

“I want what you want,” I whisper
...

“Here?” he asks suggestively, raising an eyebrow at me, smiling wickedly, his teeth trapping the tip of
his tongue
...
His expression changes, growing darker
...
“Not here, not now
...
“If I can’t have you here, don’t tempt me
...

Beautiful opposite me
...
Her presence allows me to escape briefly from
his sensual glare
...

I swallow, praying that I don’t go the same color as poor Leandra
...
” I keep my voice soft, low, and he looks at me hun-grily
...
Am I up to this game?
Leandra looks from me to him and back again
...

“Shall I give you folks another minute to decide?”

“No
...
” Christian’s mouth twitches with a small, sexy smile
...

“Thank you sir
...
We both
turn to stare at her, and she flushes crimson again and scuttles away
...
” I glance down at the Formica tabletop, tracing a pattern in it with my
index finger, trying to sound nonchalant
...
Women
...
”
“Do I disarm you?”
I snort
...
”
“It’s just looks, Anastasia,” he says mildly
...
”
His brow creases
...
Your innocence
...
”
“Is that why you’ve changed your mind?”
“Changed my mind?”
“Yes – about … err… us?”
He strokes his chin thoughtfully with his long, skilled fingers
...
We just need to re-define our parameters, re-draw our
battle lines, if you will
...
I want you submissive in my playroom
...
Other than that…
well, I think it’s all up for discussion
...
What say you to that?”
“So I get to sleep with you? In your bed?”
“Is that what you want?”
“Yes
...
Besides, I sleep very well when you’re in my bed
...
” His brow creases as
his voice fades
...

“I’m not going anywhere, Anastasia
...

“We’re following your advice, your definition: compromise
...
And so far, it’s
working for me
...

“I know
...
I just do
...
He’s hiding something
...
My stomach rumbles,
reminding me how ravenous I am
...

“Can I treat you?” I ask Christian
...
”
Christian snorts
...
” he scoffs
...
I want to
...

“Are you trying to completely emasculate me?”
“This is probably the only place that I’ll be able to afford to pay
...
I do
...
”
I purse my lips
...

Of course he doesn’t ask me for my mother’s address
...
When he
pulls up outside the house, I don’t comment
...


“I need to work, Anastasia, but I’ll be back this evening
...
Why do I want to spend every single minute with this
controlling sex god? Oh yes, I’ve fallen in love with him, and he can fly
...
”
“My pleasure, Anastasia
...

“I’ll see you later
...

I wave goodbye as he drives off into the Georgia sunshine
...

In the kitchen, my mom is in a complete flap
...

“How are you, darling?” she asks, and I flush because she must know what I was doing last night
...
Christian took me gliding this morning
...

“Gliding? As in a small plane with no engine? That sort of gliding?”

I nod
...
”
She’s speechless – a novel concept for my mother
...

“How was last night? Did you talk?”
Jeez
...

“We talked – last night and today
...
”
“Good
...


“Mom… if you like, I’ll cook this evening
...
”
“Okay
...

Perhaps she’s improved since she moved to Savannah with Bob
...
Robinson
– Elena
...
Will I ever meet this damned woman?
I decide to send a quick thank-you to Christian
...

Thank you
Ana x
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Soaring vs sore-ing
Date: June 2 2011 10:24 EST
To: Anastasia Steele
I’ll take either of those over your snoring
...

But I always do when I’m with you
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: SNORING
Date: June 2 2011 10:26 EST
To: Christian Grey

I DO NOT SNORE
...

You are no gentleman Mr
...
I am not intimidated by your SHOUTY capitals
...
And it’s fascinating
...

Holy shit
...
Kate has told me enough times
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Spill the Beans
Date: June 2 2011 10:32 EST
To: Christian Grey
You are a cad and a scoundrel – definitely no gentleman
...

But if you behave yourself, I may tell you this evening
...

Laters, baby
...

Right! I shall maintain radio silence until this evening
...
Jeez
...
Oh, I hope not
...
I scowl at my computer and decide that whatever I
cook, I will make bread
...
Christian likes meat, and it’s simple to do
...
What is
it about men and fire, I ponder as I trail after my mother through the supermarket with the shopping
cart?
As we browse the raw meat cabinet, my phone rings
...
I
don’t recognize the number
...

“Anastasia Steele?”
“Yes
...
”
“Oh – hi
...
Jack Hyde
...
”
“Wow
...
Thank you!”
“You know the salary details?”
“Yes
...
I’d love to come and work for you
...
We’ll see you Monday at 8:30 a
...
?”
“See you then
...
And thank you
...

“You have a job?”
I nod gleefully, and she squeals and hugs me in the middle of Publix supermarket
...
Is she forty-two or twelve?
I glance down at my phone and frown, there’s a missed call from Christian
...
I call
him straight back
...

“Hi,” I murmur shyly
...
Something’s come up
...
Please
apologize to your mother – I can’t make dinner
...

“Nothing serious, I hope?”
“I have a situation which I have to deal with
...
I’ll send Taylor to collect you from
the airport if I can’t come myself
...
Angry even
...

“Okay
...
Have a safe flight
...
Then he hangs up
...
The last ‘situation’ he had was my virginity
...

I gaze at my mom
...

“It’s Christian, he’s had to go back to Seattle
...
”

“Oh! That’s a shame, darling
...
”
It’s late afternoon, and Mom and I are lying beside the pool
...
Megabucks is not coming to dinner
...
I think about
Christian, and my ridiculous grin refuses to subside
...


There seems to be tidal shift in Christian’s attitude
...

What could have changed? What has altered since he sent his long email and when I saw him
yesterday? What has he done? I sit up suddenly, almost spilling my Dr
...
He had dinner with…
her
...

Holy Fuck!
My scalp prickles at the realization
...
I could have landed in her soup or on her wine glass and choked her
...

“I’m just having a moment, Mom
...
m
...
”
Hmm… he won’t have landed yet
...
I fervently hope so
...

I am sweltering in this damned heat
...

As I get ready for bed, I switch on my computer
...

Not even a word that he’s arrived safely
...
I am starting to worry
...

Your Ana
...

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Sorry
Date: June 2 2011 19:36
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele
I have arrived safely, and please accept my apologies for not letting you know
...
I am thinking of you too and as ever
looking forward to seeing you tomorrow
...

I sigh, Christian is back to formality
...
Grey
I think it is very evident that I care for you deeply
...

Your Ana x
PS: Are you going to tell me what I said in my sleep?
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Pleading the Fifth
Date: June 2 2011 19:45
To: Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele
I like very much that you care for me
...

With regard to your PS: The answer is - No
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Pleading Insanity
Date: June 2 2011 22:48 EST
To: Christian Grey
I hope it was amusing
...
In fact – you probably misheard me
...


From: Christian Grey
Subject: Pleading Guilty
Date: June 2 2011 19:52
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele
Sorry, could you speak up? I can’t hear you
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Pleading Insanity Again
Date: June 2 2011 22:54 EST
To: Christian Grey
You are driving me crazy
...
Looking forward to it
;)
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...

Goodnight
...
R
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
No, I am not going to answer him
...
Fifty shades of exasperating
...
I hear another ping from my computer
...
No definitely not
...
Gah!
Like the fool I am, I cannot resist the lure of Christian Grey’s words
...
Go to sleep
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...


My mother hugs me tightly
...
Relax and enjoy yourself
...
You have so much of life to experience yet, just let it happen
...
” Her heartfelt words are comforting whispered in my ear
...

“Oh, Mom
...

“Darling, you know what they say
...
”
I give her a lopsided, bittersweet smile
...
I hope he doesn’t turn into a frog
...

“Ana – they’re calling your flight,” Bob’s voice is anxious
...
Love you
...
”
Her eyes are red with unshed tears as she releases me
...
I hug Bob, and turning, head
to the gate – I do not have time for the first class lounge today
...
But I
do… and Bob is holding my mom, and tears are streaming

down her face
...
I put my head down and proceed to the gate, keeping
my eyes on the shiny, white floor, blurred through my watery tears
...
It is always
painful to wrench myself away from Mom… she is scatty, disorganized, but newly insightful, and she
loves me
...
I frown at my wayward
thoughts, and pulling out my BlackBerry, stare at it despondently
...
My heart twists, and my mother’s words waft like a zephyr through my
mind: Yes, Ana
...
She thinks I deserve the best of
everything
...
It’s true, and in a moment of startling clarity, I see it
...
I need Christian Grey to love me
...

And because of his fifty shades – I am holding myself back
...
The sex is amazing, he’s wealthy, he’s beautiful, but this is all meaningless without his love,
and the real heart-fail is that I don’t know if he’s capable of love
...
I
recall his self-loathing, her love being the only form he found – acceptable
...
Why does he feel like that? How can he feel like that? His words haunt
me: ‘It’s very hard to grow up in a perfect family when you’re not perfect
...
I shudder as I remember that I
may have divulged too much
...
Rather unsurprisingly, it
is not very forthcoming
...

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Homeward Bound
Date: June 3 2011 12:53 EST
To: Christian Grey
Dear Mr
...
I am counting the minutes until I see
you this evening, and perhaps torturing the truth out of you about my nocturnal admissions
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
It sounds clipped and formal, not his usual witty, pithy style
...
Grey
I hope everything is okay re ‘the situation
...

Ana x
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Homeward Bound
Date: June 3 2011 10:04
To: Anastasia Steele

Anastasia
The situation could be better
...

You are putting yourself at risk, in direct contravention of the rule regarding your personal safety
...

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
Okay
...
What is eating him? Perhaps ‘the situation’? Maybe Taylor’s gone AWOL, maybe
he’s dropped a few million on the stock market – whatever the reason
...
Grumpy
The aircraft doors are still open
...
My welfare and that of the
passengers around me is vouchsafed
...

Miss Steele
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Apologies - Twitchy Palm Stowed
Date: June 3 2011 10:08
To: Anastasia Steele
I miss you and your smart mouth Miss Steele
...


Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
...
You won’t hear another peep from me, especially given your deafness
...

Ana x
I switch off the BlackBerry, unable to shake my anxiety
...

Perhaps ‘the situation’ is out of hand
...
I
managed this morning, with my mother’s help, to buy Christian a small gift to say thank you for first
class and for the gliding
...
I don’t know yet if I’ll give my silly gift to him
...
I am both eager to return and apprehensive of what awaits
me at my journey’s end
...
I shake my head as the thought
crosses my mind that Christian might have purchased the adjacent seat so that I couldn’t talk to
anyone
...
I close
my eyes as the plane taxis towards the runway
...
Honestly! But it’s good to see him
...
”
“Miss Steele,” he greets me formally, but I see a hint of smile in his sharp brown eyes
...

“I do know what you look like Taylor, you don’t need a board, and I do wish you’d call me, Ana
...
Can I take your bags, please?”
“No, I can manage
...
”
His lips tighten perceptibly
...

“Thank you
...
“This way, ma’am
...
He’s so polite
...
In fact – and the thought unsettles me – he’s the only man who’s ever bought
me underwear
...

We walk in silence to the black Audi SUV outside in the airport parking lot, and he holds the door
open for me
...
It was cool and welcome in Georgia
...
Once Taylor has stowed my bags in the
trunk, we set off for Escala
...
Taylor keeps his eyes on the road ahead
...

I can bear the silence no longer
...
Grey is preoccupied, Miss Steele
...
’ I am mining a seam of gold
...
”
I frown at Taylor, and he glances at me in the rear-view mirror, our eyes meet
...

Jeez, he can be as tightlipped as the control freak himself
...
”
“Are you more comfortable calling me, Miss Steele?”
“Yes, ma’am
...
”
Well, that curtails our conversation, and we continue in silence
...
Perhaps he’s
embarrassed about it, worried that he’s been disloyal
...

“Could you put some music on please?”
“Certainly, ma’am
...
”
I see a smile play on Taylor’s lips as our eyes meet briefly again in the mirror
...
”
He pushes a few buttons on the steering wheel, and the gentle strains of Pachelbel’s canon fills the
space between us
...

“Thank you
...

Twenty-five minutes, later he drops me outside the impressive façade that is the entrance to Escala
...
“I’ll bring up your luggage is
...

Jeez… Uncle Taylor, what a thought
...
”
“It’s a pleasure, Miss Steele
...
The doorman nods and waves
...
Why am I so nervous? And I know it’s because I have no idea what kind of mood Christian’s
going to be in when I arrive
...

The elevator doors open, and I’m in the foyer
...

Of course, he’s parking the car
...
He’s wearing a gray suit with the
jacket undone, and he’s running his hand through his hair, he’s
...
Oh no –
what’s wrong? Agitated or not, he’s still beyond beautiful
...

“No trace… Okay… Yes
...

From tension to relief to something else: a look that calls directly to my inner goddess, a look of
sensual carnality, gray eyes blazing
...

“Keep me informed,” he snaps and shuts off his phone as he strides purposefully toward me
...
Holy shit… something’s
amiss – the strain in his jaw, the anxiety around his eyes
...

Then his arms are wrapped around me, and he’s pulling me to him, hard, fast, gripping my ponytail to
tilt my head up, kissing me like his life depends on it
...
There’s a desperate, primal quality to his kiss
...
It’s dark and
sensual and alarming all at the same time
...
Our tongues entwined, our passion and ardor erupting between us
...
He drags his mouth away from
mine, and he’s staring down at me, gripped by some unnamed emotion
...

“I’m so glad you’re back
...
”
I can’t decide if it’s a request or a command
...

Once there, he releases me and sets the water running in the far too spacious shower
...

“I like your skirt
...
“You have great legs
...

I am rendered speechless by the look of hunger in his eyes
...
I mirror his actions and step out of my black flats
...
Kissing me, my face, my throat, my lips… running his hands into my hair
...
Tentatively, I place my arms on his upper arms, and he groans as I
squeeze tightly
...
Here… fast, hard,” he breathes, and his hands are on my thighs, pushing up my skirt
...
” I flush
...
”
His thumbs hook over my white cotton panties, and abruptly he drops to his knees as he tugs them off
...
He grabs my
hips, pushing me against the wall again, and kisses me at the apex of my thighs
...
I groan loudly, feeling his tongue circling my clitoris
...
Tipping
my head back involuntarily, I moan as my fingers find their way into this hair
...
It’s exquisite, the intensity of feeling – it’s almost painful
...
What? No! My breathing is ragged as I pant, gazing at him with delicious anticipation
...


Unzipping his fly, he frees himself, grabs the backs of my thighs, and lifts me
...

I do as I’m told and wrap my arms around his neck, and he moves quickly and sharply, filling me
...
Holding my behind, his fingers digging into my soft flesh, he begins to move,
slowly at first – a steady even tempo… but as his control unravels, he speeds up… faster, and faster
...
He lets go with a deep growl, and he buries his head in my
neck as he buries himself inside me, groaning loudly and incoherently as he finds his release
...
As he comes into focus, he gently pulls out of me, holding me steady while I place my
feet on the floor
...
I feel overdressed
...

His lips quirk up
...
Come – let me get you in the shower
...
Removing his suit pants and boxer briefs, he kicks them to one side
...

“How was your journey?” he asks mildly
...

“Fine, thank you,” I murmur, still breathless
...
It really is a much
nicer way to travel
...
“I have some news,” I add nervously
...

“I have a job
...

“Congratulations, Miss Steele
...

“You don’t know?”
He shakes his head, frowning slightly
...
“Anastasia, I
wouldn’t dream of interfering in your career, unless you ask me to, of course
...

“So you have no idea which company?”
“No
...
”
“SIP”
“Oh, the small one, good
...
” He leans forward and kisses my forehead
...
When do you start?”
“Monday
...
Turn round
...
He
pushes my skirt down, cupping my behind as he does, and kissing my shoulder
...
He squeezes my buttocks
...
Such a heady combination
...

Grabbing my hand, he tugs me into the shower
...
The water is practically scalding
...

“It’s only a little hot water
...
It feels heavenly, washing off the sticky Georgia morning and the stickiness
from our lovemaking
...
“I want to wash you,”
he murmurs and reaches for the body wash
...

“I have something else to tell you,” I murmur as his hands start on my shoulders
...

I steel myself with a deep breath
...
”
He stills, his hands hovering over my breasts
...
’
“Yes, what about it?” he asks sternly
...
Do you want to come with me?”

After what feels like a monumental amount of time, he slowly starts washing me again
...
m
...

“Okay
...
“Were you
nervous about asking me?”
“Yes
...

“Well, you just seem to be um… on the jealous side
...
“And you’d do well to remember that
...
We’ll
take Charlie Tango
...
More flying… cool! I grin
...

“I don’t think so,” he murmurs, and he kisses me gently on my neck to take the sting out of his refusal
...

“Will you ever let me touch you?” I ask boldly
...

“Put your hands on the wall Anastasia
...

Later we are seated at the breakfast bar, dressed in bathrobes, having consumed Mrs
...

“More wine?” Christian asks, gray eyes glowing
...
” The Sancerre is crisp and delicious
...

“How’s the um… situation that bought you to Seattle?” I ask tentatively
...

“Out of hand,” he murmurs bitterly
...
I have plans for

you this evening
...
I want you ready and waiting in my playroom in fifteen minutes
...

“You can get ready in your room
...
I don’t
want any arguments about them
...
When I don’t, he
stalks off to his study
...
I sit on the bar stool,
momentarily stupefied, trying to assimilate this morsel of information
...
I roll
my eyes in an exaggerated fashion knowing full well he can’t see me
...

Ho! My subconscious has her snarky face on
...

I suppose he’s not used to sharing his personal space, but then, neither am I
...

Examining the door, I find that it has a lock but no key
...
Jones has a spare
...
I open the closet door and close it again quickly
...
It
resembles Kate’s – so many clothes hanging neatly on the rail
...

But I have no time to think about that – I have to get kneeling in the Red Room of… Pain… or
Pleasure – hopefully this evening
...
My heart is in my mouth
...
The man is insatiable, or maybe all men are like him
...
Closing my eyes, I try to calm myself down, to connect with my
inner sub
...

Anticipation runs bubbling like soda through my veins
...
This is so… I want to think wrong, but
somehow it’s not
...
It’s what he wants – and after the last few days… after all
he’s done, I have to man up and take whatever he decides he wants, whatever he thinks he needs
...
I’d do almost anything to see that look again
...
I shuffle
them apart
...
I glance quickly around the subtly lit room; the cross, the table, the couch, the
bench… that bed
...
Which piece of apparatus
will he use?
The door opens and Christian breezes in, ignoring me completely
...
Placing something on the large chest beside the

door, he strolls casually toward the bed
...
He’s naked except for those soft ripped jeans, top button casually undone
...
My subconscious is frantically fanning herself, and my inner goddess is
swaying and writhing to some primal carnal rhythm
...
I lick my lips instinctively
...
What is he going to do to me?
Turning, he nonchalantly walks back to the chest of drawers
...
My curiosity burns, blazes even, but I resist the overwhelming temptation
to sneak a quick peek
...
I can see
his naked feet, and I want to kiss every inch of them… run my tongue over his instep, suck each of his
toes
...

“You look lovely,” he breathes
...
I feel the flush
as it slowly spreads over my face
...

“You are one beautiful woman, Anastasia
...
“Stand up
...

Shakily, I get to my feet
...
It is his Dom gaze – cold,
hard, and sexy as hell, seven shades of sin in one enticing look
...
An almost cruel smile plays across his lips
...
But we’ve discussed limits
...

I frown slightly at his question, and his face hardens perceptibly
...

“Yellow,” I mumble
...

“Red,” I breathe
...
”
And I can’t help it… I raise my eyebrow at him and am about to remind him of my GPA, but the
sudden frosty glint in his icy gray eyes stops me in my tracks
...
Or I will fuck it with you on your knees
...
Okay
...
Actually, it’s his tone of voice, rather than
the threat, that intimidates me
...

“Good girl,” he pauses as he stares at me
...
What I intend to do to you will be intense
...
Do
you understand?”
Not really
...

“This is about touch, Anastasia
...
But you’ll be able to feel
me
...
As he waves his hand in front, the box splits in half: two doors slide
open revealing a CD player and a host of buttons
...
Nothing happens, but he seems satisfied
...
When he turns to face me again, he
wears his small I-have-a-secret smile
...
But I’m going to blindfold you first and,”
he reveals his iPod in his hand, “you will not be able to hear me
...
”
Okay
...
Does he ever do what I expect?
Jeez, I hope it’s not rap
...
” Taking my hand, he leads me over to the antique four-poster bed
...

Oh boy, I think my heart is going to leave my chest, and I’m melting from the inside out, desire
coursing through me
...
”
I am facing the bed
...

“Wait here, keep your eyes on the bed
...
”
Oh my
...


All my senses are hyper alert, my hearing more acute
...
Holy cow
...
He takes my hair, pulls it into a ponytail behind me, and starts to braid it
...
So one will have to
do
...

His deft fingers skim my back occasionally as they work down my hair, and each casual touch is like a
sweet, electric shock against my skin
...
He pulls again to the side so that I angle my head,
giving him easier access to my neck
...
Tracing his teeth and tongue
from the base of my ear to my shoulder
...
Right down
...
Unbidden, I groan quietly
...
He holds up his hands in front of me, his arms touching
mine
...
I remember the name from my first introduction to this room
...
My body flames in response
...
It has many long fronds, all soft suede with small
beads at the end
...
It will not hurt, but it will bring your blood to the surface of your skin and make you
very sensitive
...

“What are the safe words, Anastasia?”
“Um… yellow and red, Sir,” I whisper
...
Remember, most of your fear is in your mind
...

“You won’t be needing these,” he murmurs and hooks his fingers into my panties and sweeps them
down my legs
...

“Stand still,” he orders, and he kisses my behind and then gently nips me twice, making me tense
...
Face up,” he adds as he smacks me hard on the behind, making me jump
...
The satin of
the sheet beneath me is soft and cool against my skin
...

“Hands above your head,” he orders, and I do as I’m bid
...
I want him already
...
The thought makes me want to smile, but I can’t quite make my lips cooperate
...
I just know my face is completely immobile, my eyes huge, as I gaze at
him
...
It has a strange antenna device as well
headphones
...
I frown as I try to figure this out
...
”, Christian answers my
unspoken query as he taps the small antenna
...
” He smirks his private-joke smile and holds up a small, flat device that looks like a
very hip calculator
...

“Lift your head,” he commands, and I do so immediately
...
The elastic
on the mask holds the ear buds in place
...
I’m deafened by my own breathing – it’s shallow and erratic, reflecting my excitement
...
His long fingers stroke the length of my arm once he’s finished
...
I hear him move slowly round to the other side, takes my right arm
and cuffs it
...
Oh my… I am fit to burst already
...

“Lift your head again,” he orders
...
Holy cow, I cannot move my arms
...
I groan
...
It’s so unnerving
that I can’t see him
...

Abruptly, the soft silent hiss and pop of the iPod springs into life
...
What in heaven’s name is this? I have never heard anything like it
...
It’s so
unexpected
...
I catch one word -‘deus’-- and I realize they are singing in Latin
...
My nipples harden beneath the soft touch… and I’m panting…
wondering where his hand will go next
...
Then suddenly, sharply, it bites down on my belly
...
It takes me by surprise, and it doesn’t exactly hurt, but tingles all over, and he
hits me again
...

“Aaah!”
I want to move, to writhe… to escape, or to welcome, each blow… I don’t know – it’s so
overwhelming… I can’t pull my arms… my legs are stuck… I am held very firmly in place… and
again he strikes across my breasts – I cry out
...
Yes – I
get this
...
Then,t moves in swift blows over my pubic hair, on my thighs, and
down my inner thighs… and back up my body… across my hips
...
And so does he
...
Once again, it ceases
and all is quiet… except my wild breathing… and wild yearning
...
I’ve entered a
very dark, carnal place
...
He’s got it on
repeat… this time it’s his nose and lips that take the place of the fur… running down my neck and
throat, kissing, sucking… trailing down to my breasts… Ah! Taunting each of my nipples in turn…
his tongue swirling round one while his fingers relentlessly tease the other… I groan, loudly I think,
though I can’t hear
...
Lost in him… lost in the astral, seraphic voices… lost to all the
sensations I cannot escape… I am completely at the mercy of his expert touch
...
He’s kissing and sucking and nibbling… moving south…
and then his tongue is there
...
I throw my head back and cry out as I
almost detonate into orgasm… I’m on the brink, and he stops
...
He leans toward the bedpost, and the cuff on my

ankle is suddenly gone
...
He leans over
to the opposite post and frees my other leg
...
Then, grasping my hips, he lifts me so that my back is no
longer on the bed
...
What? He’s kneeling up between my legs…
and in one swift, slamming move he’s inside me… oh fuck… and I cry out again
...
The quiver dies… oh no… he’s going to torture me further
...

He grips me harder… in warning? I don’t know, his fingers digging into the flesh of my behind as I
lay panting… so I purposefully still
...
Holy fuck – Please! I’m screaming inside… And as the number
of voices in the choral piece increases… so does his pace, infinitesimally, he’s so controlled… so in
time with the music
...

“Please,” I beg, and in one swift move, he lowers me back onto the bed, and he’s lying on top of me,
his hands on the bed beside my breasts as he supports his weight, and he thrusts into me,
...

As my consciousness returns from wherever it’s been, Christian pulls out of me
...
I groan as
my hand is freed
...
I blink in the dim soft light and stare up into his intense gray gaze
...

“Hi, yourself,” I breathe shyly back at him
...

“Well done, you,” he whispers
...
”
Holy fuck – what’s he going to do now? His eyes soften
...
”
“Oh… okay
...
I am so tired
...

I groan loudly – he has such strong, knowing fingers
...

“What was that music?” I mumble almost inarticulately
...
”
“It was… overwhelming
...
”
“Not another first, Mr
...
”
I groan again as his fingers work their magic on my shoulders
...

“Hmm… you and I, we’re giving each other many firsts
...

“What did I say to you in my sleep, Ch – err, Sir?”
His hands pause their ministrations for a moment
...
You talked about cages and strawberries… that you wanted
more… and that you missed me
...

“Is that all?” The relief in my voice is evident
...
His head propped up on
his elbow
...

“What did you think you’d said?”
Oh crap
...
”
He crease on his brow deepens
...
What are you hiding
from me, Miss Steele?”
I blink at him innocently
...
”
“Anastasia, you are a hopeless liar
...
”
His lips quirk up
...
”
“Mr
...


“No, hopeless joke teller
...

“I’m a hopeless joke teller too,”
“That is such a lovely sound,” he murmurs, and he leans forward and kisses me
...
I may have to torture it out of you
...
I think I’ve just fallen down some stairs in a dream, and I bolt upright, momentarily
disorientated
...
Something has woken me, some nagging
thought
...
It is 5:00 in the morning, but I feel rested
...
m
...
Holy crap… I need to
take my pill
...
I can hear faint notes
from the piano
...
This I must see
...
Naked, I grab my
bathrobe from the chair and wander quietly down the corridor, slipping on my robeand listening to the
magical sound of the melodic lament that’s coming from the great room
...
He looks naked, though I know he’s wearing his PJ
bottoms
...
I hesitate,
watching from the shadows, not wanting to interrupt him
...

He looks lost, sad even, and achingly lonely – or maybe it’s just the music that’s so full of poignant
sorrow
...

I move cautiously toward him, drawn as the moth to the flame… the idea makes me smile
...


I can tell he’s pre-occupied with something
...

He glances up again, his lips twitching with a trace of a smile
...
Grey, I am
...
” He frowns once more as a trace of irritation or anger flashes across his face
...

I ignore his facial expression and very bravely sit down beside him on the piano stool, placing my
head on his bare shoulder to watch his deft, agile fingers caress the keys
...

“What was that?” I ask softly
...
Opus 28, number 4
...

“I’m always interested in what you do
...

“I didn’t mean to wake you
...
Play the other one
...
”
“Oh, the Marcello
...
I feel the movement of his hands in his shoulder as I lean
against him and close my eyes
...
It is a hauntingly beautiful piece, sadder even than the Chopin, and I lose myself to the
beauty of the lament
...
The deep poignant longing I have to
know this extraordinary man better, to try and understand his sadness
...

“Why do you only play such sad music?”
I sit upright and gaze up at him as he shrugs in answer to my question, his expression wary
...

He nods, his wary look intensifying
...


“I threw myself into learning the piano to please my new mother
...
“Why are you awake? Don’t you need to recover from
yesterday’s exertions?”
“It’s 8:00 in the morning for me
...
”
He raises his eyebrows in surprise
...
His lips quirk up in a half smile
...
Perhaps
you should wait half an hour and then another half hour tomorrow morning
...
”
“Good plan,” I breathe
...

“I can think of a few things,” he grins, gray eyes bright
...

“On the other hand, we could talk,” I suggest quietly
...

“I prefer what I have in mind
...

“You’d always rather have sex than talk,” I laugh, steadying myself by holding on to his upper arms
...
Especially with you
...
“Maybe on my piano,” he whispers
...
My whole body tightens at the thought
...
Wow
...

He pauses momentarily before continuing his sensual assault
...
What needs straightening out?” he breathes against my
skin at the base of my neck, continuing his soft gentle kisses
...

“Hmm
...

“The contract
...
He strokes his
fingertips down my cheek
...
“Moot?”
“Moot
...
I gape at him quizzically
...
”
“Well, that was before
...
” His expression hardens
slightly
...
” He shrugs
...
”
“Besides, we’ve been in the playroom twice now, and you haven’t run screaming for the hills
...

“So, let me be clear
...
I want you to follow the spirit of the contract in the playroom, and yes, I
want you to follow the rules – all the time
...
”
“And if I break one of the rules?”
“Then I’ll punish you
...
”
“And if I say no?”
He gazes at me for a moment, with a confused expression
...
I’ll have to find a way to persuade you
...
I need some distance
...
He looks
puzzled and wary again
...
”

“Yes, but only if you break the rules
...

“I’ll fetch them for you
...

Whoa
...
He rises from the piano and walks lithely to his study
...
Jeez, I need some tea
...
Where are the light
switches? I find them, flick them on, and pour water into the kettle
...
One swallow, and I’m done
...

“Here you go
...


RULES
Obedience:
The Submissive will obey any instructions given by The Dominant immediately without hesitation or
reservation and in an expeditious manner
...
She will do so eagerly and without hesitation
...

Food:
The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and wellbeing from a prescribed list of foods
(Appendix 4)
...

Clothes:
While with The Dominant, The Submissive will wear clothing only approved by The Dominant
...
The
Dominant shall accompany The Submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis
...
The
personal trainer will report to The Dominant on The Submissive’s progress
...
The Submissive will
visit a beauty salon of The Dominant’s choosing at times to be decided by The Dominant, and undergo
whatever treatments The Dominant sees fit
...

Personal Qualities:
The Submissive will not enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than The Dominant
...
She must recognize
that her behavior is a direct reflection on The Dominant
...


Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate punishment, the nature of which
shall be determined by The Dominant
...
” He grins
...

“Did you just roll your eyes at me, Anastasia?” He breathes
...

“Possibly, depends what your reaction is
...

I swallow instinctively and a frisson of exhilaration runs through me
...
” Holy shit
...

“You want to spank me now
...
And I will
...
Grey?” I challenge, grinning back at him
...

“Are you going to stop me?”
“You’re going to have to catch me first
...

“Oh, really, Miss Steele?”
The breakfast bar is between us
...

“And you’re biting your lip,” he breathes, moving slowly to his left as I move to mine
...
“After all, you roll your eyes
...
He continues to
move toward his left, as do I
...
” His eyes blaze, and wild
anticipation emanates from him
...
” I try for nonchalance
...
”

He’s stalking me, in his own kitchen
...

“Do I ever?”
“Miss Steele, what do you mean?” he smirks
...
”
“That’s only if you catch me, Christian
...
”
“Anastasia, you may fall and hurt yourself
...
”
“I have been in danger since I met you, Mr
...
”
“Yes you have
...

Suddenly, he lunges for me, making me squeal and run for the dining room table
...
My heart is pounding and adrenaline has spiked through my body…
boy
...
I’m a child again, though that’s not right
...
I inch away
...
”
“We aim to please, Mr
...
Distract you from what?”
“Life
...
” He waves one of his hands vaguely
...
”
He stops and folds his arms, his expression amused
...
”“No, you
won’t
...
I repeat this as a mantra
...

“Anyone would think you didn’t want me to catch you
...
That’s the point
...
”His entire
demeanor changes in a nanosecond
...
He’s ashen
...

Those four words, and the way he utters them, speaks volumes
...
They tell me so much more
about him and how he feels
...
I frown
...
No way
...
It doesn’t affect me quite as much as that, but it gives you an idea,” I murmur, staring anxiously
at him
...

Crap
...

Taking a deep breath, I move round the table until I am standing in front of him, gazing into his
apprehensive eyes
...

“Well… no,” I reassure him
...
I feel ambivalent about it
...
”
“But last night, in the playroom, you… ” he trails off
...
I don’t
...

That was in a different context, and I can rationalize that internally, and I trust you
...
”
His gray eyes blaze like a turbulent storm
...

“I want to hurt you
...
”
Fuck!
“Why?”
He runs his hand through his hair, and he shrugs
...
” He pauses, gazing at me with anguish, and he closes his eyes and shakes his head
...

“Can’t or won’t?”
“Won’t
...
”
“Yes
...
”
“If I do, you will run screaming from this room, and you’ll never want to return
...
“I can’t risk that, Anastasia
...
”
“More than you know
...
”
Oh my
...
It takes me completely by surprise, and I sense his panic and desperate need in his kiss
...
You said you wouldn’t leave me, and you begged me not to leave you, in your
sleep,” he murmurs against my lips
...

“I don’t want to go
...

This is a man in need
...
His
eyes wide and bleak and tortured
...
Join him briefly in the darkness and bring him into
the light
...

“Show you?”
“Show me how much it can hurt
...
I want to know how bad it can get
...

“You would try?”
“Yes
...
” But I have an ulterior motive
...

He blinks at me
...
”
“I’m confused too
...
And you and I will know, once and for all, if I can do
this
...
He knows I
am referring to the touch thing
...

Abruptly, he clasps my arm in a firm grip and turns, leading me out of the great room, up the stairs,
and to the playroom
...


“I’ll show you how bad it can be, and you can make your own mind up
...
“Are
you ready for this?”
I nod, my mind made up, and I’m vaguely lightheaded, faint as all the blood leaves my face
...

“Bend over the bench,” he murmurs softly
...
I can do this
...
He’s left my bathrobe on
...
Holy fuck this is
going to hurt… I know
...

“We’re here because you said yes, Anastasia
...
I am going to hit you six times,
and you will count with me
...
I roll my
eyes, knowing full well he can’t see me
...
He
gently caresses my behind, running his warm hand all over both cheeks and down to the tops of my
thighs
...

And the irony is not lost on me
...
If he’d opened his arms, I’d run to him,
not away from him
...
You know how I feel about that
...
He’s back from wherever he’s been
...

I close my eyes, bracing myself for the blow
...
I cry out involuntarily, and take a huge gulp of air
...

“One!” I shout at him, and it sounds like an expletive
...
Holy shit…
that smarts
...
It feels so good to scream
...
Whereas mine is almost non-existent as I desperately scrabble
around my psyche looking for some internal strength
...

“Three!” Tears spring unwelcome into my eyes
...
He’s not holding anything back
...

I don’t want to cry
...
He hits me again
...
” My voice is more a choked, strangled sob, and in this moment, I think I hate him
...
My backside feels as if it’s on fire
...

“Let go… no
...
Fighting him
...
I straighten and stare at him, and he’s watching me as if I might bolt, gray
eyes wide, bemused
...

“This is what you really like? Me, like this?” I use the sleeve of the bathrobe to wipe my nose
...

“Well, you are one fucked-up son of a bitch
...

“Don’t you dare, Ana me! You need to sort your shit out, Grey!” And with that, I turn stiffly, and I
walk out of the playroom, closing the door quietly behind me
...
Where to go?
Do I run? Do I stay? I am so mad, angry scalding tears spill down my cheeks, and I brush them
furiously aside
...
Curl up and recuperate in some way
...

How could I have been so stupid? Of course it hurts
...
Aah! It’s sore
...
My room, or the room that
will be mine, no, is mine… was mine
...
He knew I would need
distance from him
...
It is still dark in the
bedroom, dawn only a whisper in the skyline
...
I keep the bathrobe on, wrapping it around me, and curl up and really let
go – sobbing hard into my pillow
...
I cannot do this
...

What a monumental wake-up call
...
He’s not normal
...
I realize that now
...
I think of the couple of times he has hit me, and how
easy he was on me by comparison
...
I am going to
lose him
...

Why, why, why have I fallen in love with Fifty Shades? Why? Why can’t I love José, or Paul Clayton,
or someone like me?
Oh, his distraught look as I left
...
My subconscious is shaking her head sadly, and my inner goddess is nowhere to be seen
...
I’m so alone
...
I remember her parting words
at the airport, Follow your heart, darling, and please, please – try not to over-think things
...
You are so young, sweetheart, you have so much to experience, just let it happen
...

I did follow my heart, and I have a sore ass and an anguished, broken spirit to show for it
...

That’s it… I have to leave
...
How can we possibly
make this work? And the thought of not seeing him again practically chokes me… my Fifty Shades
...
Oh no – he’s here
...

“Hush,” he breathes, and I want to pull away from him, move to the other side of the bed, but I’m
paralyzed
...
“Don’t fight me, Ana, please,” he
whispers
...

“Don’t hate me,” he breathes softly against my skin, his voice achingly sad
...
He continues to kiss me softly, tenderly, but I remain
aloof and wary
...
He just holds me, and very gradually, I
relax and stop crying
...

“I bought you some Advil and some arnica cream,” he says after a long while
...
I am resting my head on his arm
...

I gaze at his beautiful face
...

Oh, he is so breathtakingly good-looking
...

Reaching up, I caress his cheek and run the tips of my fingers through his stubble
...

“I’m sorry,” I whisper
...

“What for?”
“What I said
...
” And his eyes soften with relief
...
”
I shrug
...
” And now I know
...
Here goes
...
“I don’t think I can be
everything you want me to be,” I whisper
...

“You are everything I want you to be
...
I’m not obedient, and you can be as sure as hell I’m not going to let you do that to
me again
...
”
He closes his eyes again, and I can see a myriad of emotions cross his face
...
Oh no
...
I should let you go
...
”
My scalp prickles as every single hair follicle on my body stands to attention, and the world falls away
from me, leaving a wide, yawning abyss for me to fall into
...

“I don’t want to go,” I whisper
...
Pay or play
...

“I don’t want you to go either,” he whispers, his voice raw
...
“I’ve come alive since I met you
...

“Me too,” I whisper, “I’ve fallen in love with you, Christian
...

“No,” he breathes as if I’ve knocked the wind out of him
...

“You can’t love me, Ana
...
” He’s horrified
...
I can’t make you happy
...

“But you do make me happy
...

“Not at the moment, not doing what I want to do
...
This really is it
...

“We’ll never get past that, will we?” I whisper, my scalp prickling in fear
...
I close my eyes
...

“Well… I’d better go, then,” I murmur, wincing as I sit up
...
” He sounds panicked
...
” Suddenly, I feel tired, really dog-tired, and I want to go now
...

“I’m going to get dressed
...

Heading downstairs, I glance at the great room, thinking how only hours before I had rested my head
on his shoulder as he played the piano
...

I have had my eyes opened and glimpsed the extent of his depravity, and I now know he’s not capable
of love – of giving or receiving love
...
And strangely, it’s very
liberating
...
I feel numb
...
I shower quickly and methodically, thinking
only of each second in front of me
...
Put body wash bottle back in rack
...

I finish my shower – and as I haven’t washed my hair, I can dry myself quickly
...
My jeans chafe against my backside,
but quite frankly, it’s a pain I welcome as it distracts my mind from what’s happening to my
splintering, shattered heart
...
Tears threaten
...
I take it out of the case, knowing that I need

to give it to him
...

I gaze at myself in the mirror
...
I scoop my hair into a
ponytail and ignore how swollen my eyelids are from the crying
...
Even she knows not to be snarky right now
...
No, no don’t think
about it
...
Taking a deep breath, I pick up my case, and after placing the glider kit and
my note on his pillow, I head for the great room
...
He’s dressed in black jeans and t-shirt
...

“He said what!” he shouts, making me jump
...
What’s
his number, I need to call him… Welch, this is a real fuck-up
...
“Find her,” he snaps and presses the off switch
...
I take the Mac out of
it and walk back toward the kitchen, placing it carefully on the breakfast bar, along with the
BlackBerry and the car key
...

“I need the money that Taylor got for my Beetle
...

“Ana, I don’t want those things, they’re yours,” he says in disbelief
...
”
“No Christian – I only accepted them under sufferance – and I don’t want them anymore
...

“I don’t want anything that will remind me of you
...
”
My voice is quite monotone
...

“Are you really trying to wound me?”
“No
...
Of course not… I love you
...
I’m trying to protect myself,” I
whisper
...

“Please, Ana, take that stuff
...
”

He narrows his eyes, but I’m no longer intimidated by him
...
I gaze impassively
back, not blinking or backing down
...

“Yes
...
”
He doesn’t smile, he just turns on his heel and stalks into his study
...
Fitting, I think
absently
...
Jeez – if I’d kept my mouth shut, we’d have made love on the
piano
...

Well, I would have made love
...
He has never made love to
me, has he? It’s always been fucking to him
...

“Taylor got a good price
...
You can ask him
...
”
He nods in the direction over my shoulder
...

“That’s fine, I can get myself home, thank you
...

“Are you going to defy me at every turn?”
“Why change a habit of a lifetime?” I give him a small, apologetic shrug
...

“Please, Ana, let Taylor take you home
...
Christian nods at him, and when I
glance around, Taylor has gone
...
We are four feet apart
...

He stops, and the anguish in his expression is palpable, his gray eyes burning
...

“I can’t stay
...
”
He takes another step forward, and I hold up my hands
...
” I recoil from him
...
“I
can’t do this
...
He follows me, keeping a careful
distance
...
I climb in
...

“Ana, goodbye,” he says softly, and he looks utterly, utterly broken, a man in agonizing pain,
reflecting how I feel inside
...

The elevator doors close, and it whisks me down to the bowels of the basement and to my own
personal hell
...
I avoid eye contact
...
I’m a complete failure
...
Desperately, I try to keep my
emotions banked and at bay
...
Shit – I’ve left him
...
The only man I’ve ever slept with
...
Tears course unbidden and unwelcome down my cheeks, and I wipe them
away hurriedly with my fingers, scrambling in my bag for my sunglasses
...
He says nothing and doesn’t look in my direction,
and I take it with gratitude
...
I sit back in the
luxurious leather seats and weep
...
I have not lived here long enough for it to feel like
home
...
Charlie Tango, looking and feeling exactly like me
...
Oh – what have I done?
I fall onto my bed, shoes and all, and howl
...
Grief
...
Deep down, a nasty, unbidden thought comes from my
inner goddess, her lip curled in a snarl… the physical pain from the bite of a belt is nothing, nothing
compared to this devastation
...

End of Part One

Table of Contents
THE PARTIES AGREE AS FOLLOWS



---