Notesale: Turn your study into money

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CIA Book of Dirty Tricks
#1

Recoil / Eutronix
PDF conversion by Grog

Index
Additives

Cheese

Fillers

Lawyers

Airlines

Child Abuse

Forgery

License Plates

Animals

CIA

Garage Sales

MA Bell

Apartments

Classified Ads

Gases

Mail

Assassination

Clergy

Graffiti

Mail Drops

Auto Dealers

Coins

Highways

Marriage

Banks

Computers

Hookers

Media

Bikers

Contractors

Hotels

Medical

Books

Credit Cards

Homes

Military

Campuses

Delivery of
Consumables

Insurance
Companies

Motion Pictures

Carbide

Dirty Old Men

IRS

Municipal Services

Cars

Drugs

Joggers

Neighborhoods

CB Radios

Environmental
Rapists

Laundromats

Notary Seal

Charity

Explosives

Lawns

Oil Companies

Thomas Jefferson

Additives

Harmful additives are a formidable weapon against machinery,
people, and processes
...
sulfuric acid, for example, will corrode the gutter,
eaves, and downspout of a home; dumped salt will mar a building
surface or floor and kill a lawn
...
copper salts will rot rubber products; soap in a
public or corporate fountain will create giant foam
...

3) Abrasion
...

4) Impurities
...


Soaps and detergents make wonderful additions to food and could
even be beneficial if the target happens to be constipated
...


During my stay as an invited guest of Uncle Sam I recall some dirty
tricksters' making an action statement against being in KP
...
They washed mugs
with a lot of soap, then neglected to rinse them before letting the utensils
dry
...
Whoosh!

Soap is also a very effective additive to containers in which food is
prepared
...
Various other additives will do
that and other tricks
...
His is almost as esoteric as the fake stuff you read
about in men's magazines
...
It was the aphrodisiac used by the
CIA in their MK/ULTRA scam
...
" That means you can
get it openly from a pharmaceutical supply source
...


There are other references to and uses of additives in many other
topical areas of your revenge
...


"Take tea and see" is a good advertising slogan that should also alert
the dirty trickster to some additives brought to our attention by herbal-tea
producers
...
First, some teas contain the
leaves, flowers, and the bark of senna plant, a tropical shrub related to our
bean plant
...
Chamomile flowers are also popular in herbal teas
...


The trick in both cases is to obtain extracts of both products and use
them in concentrated enough additive form to create the desired effect
...
Syrup of ipecac is a
common purgative, easily available
...


"Your mark is with you or your agent somewhere having a few
drinks," the doctor outlines
...
When the mark goes to the bathroom
or is otherwise out of the area, mix one tablespoon of syrup in ipecac in with
the drink
...
After that, bombs away! The mark will
begin violent projectile vomiting, which really messes up the nearby
environment and anyone else who happens to be the way
...
They threw the book at us because we were
supposed to be mature medical students
...
So we figured he who tattles about
booze shall also toss his booze
...
He says the secret is to select a carrier drink that will
hide the taste and consistency of the syrup
...
It produces
violent diarrhea
...
The mark was with his girlfriend and her parents in
their family car
...


Kascaba reminisced, "The stuff's fast acting, and we were lucky to
have the girlfriend's brother as our ally, to report the action
...
He just started letting go with loud, wet,
explosive bursts
...
He couldn't get stopped, either
...

That surely is super powerful stuff
...
He was always trying to make out with
other girls, and since he wasn't very smooth, he used to get them drunk
...


"Well, one night he pulled this crap on a friend of mine, got her drunk,
messed around
...
He thought he was macho stuff and gave her hell for it
...
well, I'm sure you
understand
...
This will cause him to literally shit his pants and drip at the heels
...
Have some respect
for the elderly, think of your grandmother!

The following trick is technically a substitution and not an additive: I
know of one person who visited her mark's home and emptied the hair
conditioner out of his bottle, then poured Neet hair remover into the
conditioner bottle
...


Vinegar makes a great substitute for nose drops or in nasal-spray
devices
...

I'm not sure about that one though, sight's a precious thing
...


Airlines

Arrange to have a friend meet you at the terminal gate when you
deplane
...
Before your friend leaves the airport with your luggage, be sure to get
your claim checks back
...
Ask some clerks for help, then report
your "missing" luggage, showing your claim checks as proof
...
It's foolish, but they don't
...
Normally, the airline people will have you fill out a
form and they will attempt to find your luggage
...
Bug them some
...
Soon, you should get a good
settlement from the airline
...
For instance, if you find your mark is going to use
airline travel, you could call and cancel the reservations
...
You could also slip some drugs into his
pocket at the same time
...
It's quite easy
...
This fires up both the rent-a-cops and
the real security people
...

Naturally, the blame for these plans must focus on your mark
...
For instance, if you find that your mark is going to use
airline travel and there are only a few travel agents in town, you could call
until you find the correct one and cancel the reservations
...

You might try to slip a couple of rounds of pistol ammunition or a
switchblade knife into your mark's pocket just before he goes through the
metal detector at the airport terminal
...
Read a book on pick-pocketing to note the
technique for doing this
...


Bill Cutcheon sometimes poses as a Moonie, Hare Krishna devotee, or
other cultist and goes to airports
...
He really hams it up, usually getting tossed out after totally
grossing out the passengers
...


Another Cutcheon stunt is to leave accurate-looking but totally bogus
hijack scenario plans, bomb diagrams, or orders for terrorists attacks in
airport bars and restrooms
...
The security delays and resultant hassles with passengers
create unhappy people who are angry at airports and airlines
...
He says, "If some nut group's been
hassling me for money, messing in my neighborhood, or otherwise being
obnoxious, I'll leave evidence to pin the hijack or bomb rap on them
...
"

He also explains that this is a good vengeance grabber against an
airport facility that has offended you
...
Egan and his friends use those little
metal clickers shaped like frogs to ward of religious solicitors
...


"In San Francisco, I saw two hundred people clicking away at a
Krishna," Egan remarked
...
"

He adds, "If God wants a dollar from me, he can ask for it
...
"

Relief is just a click away
...
Having surreptitiously "armed and primed" himself, our hero
suddenly stopped, whipped around, and pissed all over the startled harridan
...
A bemused security cop nearby tried to hide
his laughter
...
It involves a cop, reporters, SPCA folks and some
farm animals
...
Explain that you have no morals
against animal fighting but you lost big money there last time and think the
fights are fixed
...
Call the reporters and SPCA and
tell them all about the fight
...
Give everyone the same general arrival time, never be
too specific
...
You
might manipulate things so the press and animal lovers show up first
...
If you want a stronger story, find a dead dog on the road or
something and plant it near by and tell the reporters and SPCA where to find
the evidence
...


Dead animals are very useful
...
Get into the car or
house and stuff very large and very dead animals everywhere
...


If you are bothered by big dogs chasing you just take a good quality
plastic water pistol and fill it with freshly squeezed lemon juice
...


Apartments

Your mark lives in an apartment? A squirt or so of Eastman 910 or a
similar type glue into the lock can screw up the mark's trying to get back
into the apartment after an evening on the town
...
Of course, this same stunt would work
on a house, but an apartment lockout disturbance causes more of a public
scene
...
Quietly fix a hasp and keeper on the door and
frame using wooden screws
...
It
creates a great deal of frustration if that door is the only way out of the
apartment
...


Run a classified ad offering to sublet the mark's apartment
...
As usual,
make the contact hour for very early in the morning "because of shift-work
schedule
...
This works well in ritzy apartments where the
neighbors are snobs
...
You can also hire an accomplice in the building, or you can
bribe the door guard
...
There are lots of legal ways to get your tenant's rights, but
there are also many quasi-legal and illegal ways that are much more fun
...
Make this extracurricular subletting your going-away surprise
...
He
bought a bunch of cat food and a bushel basket of fish, and filled his bathtub
with water for them
...
He
had previously nailed the basement door shut behind him
...
His eviction notice was
effective the next day, but the landlord didn't check on the house for five
days
...
To say that that cat house
was an uninhabitable mess is an understatement
...

This upset the old biddy who owned the building, and being a staunch, Godfearing charter member of the DAR, she canceled his lease and ordered him
to leave the building
...
He had a trusted friend place a large sign in a hallway window of
the landlady's apartment building
...


The sign read: TIM CARROLL SUCKS
...


The second sign read: TIM CARROLL IS A FAG
...
Two days later, she
got a letter from Tim, with a picture enclosed showing her building with the
signs easily visible
...
He asked her please to desist
...


At 8:30 A
...
, the unsuspecting landlady received a call from an
attorney friend of Tim's, citing the original slander and warning the woman
against further incidents
...
Ten minutes
after hanging up, he called back, sounding furious because Tim had just
called him about the latest sign
...


Another sign went up that afternoon in time for rush-hour the other
way: TIM CARROLL IS A FLAMING HETEROSEXUAL
...
She was almost in tears because of his threats to sue
...
The
attorney told her that he had advised his client to have no further discussions
with her
...


FOR A GOOD LAY, CALL TIM

That evening, a new sign went up
...
The attorney called her five minutes after she go back to her own
apartment
...
The was no such clause
...
She also tossed out a couple because they weren't
married
...

That bugged me
...
On the fourth day,
hundreds of passersby, accustomed to the signs weren't disappointed
...


Although it took her an hour to discover and remove it, the lawyer
friend of Tim's didn't call until the next morning, when a new sign was in the
window: WHOREHOUSE UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT
...


A second sign was placed on the sixth-floor window underneath:
TIM CARROLL COULDN'T BEAT THE COMPETITION
...
Carroll, he would be filing an action
...
He told her to have her attorney present for a
meeting at three the following afternoon
...
Tim and his attorney postponed
this meeting several times, then told the woman that since she had stopped
putting up the signs, they would hold the suit in limbo for the time
...
But more importantly, she also left her tenants to
their own moral lives
...
Or perhaps this mark is simply an obnoxious nut whose obsessions
have cost you personally
...
An apolitical and highly dedicated
professional, he was concerned only with healthcare for the kids in the
community
...
He claimed that fluoride was a
Communist plot to poison America's drinking water and minds and that
using fluoride would lead to LSD as part of the International Communist
Conspiracy
...


Beside himself, the young dentist said he surely would like to get back
at the rightwing firebrand but just didn't know what to do
...
The kids never got their
fluoride treatment, and as a result he had a lot of business
...


In the hypocritical piety following the assassinations of the sixties,
physical security was supposedly tightened to protect the chief executive
chosen by the power brokers who now control the United States
...
To protect this source's identity
we'll use the cover name of Maurice Bishop
...
Often, these people
are jailed, kept under protective custody, or placed under twenty-four-hour
surveillance by authorities when political targets are in the area
...
At the very least this telegram will bring a visit by one of the

government agencies, and perhaps it will result in a bit of jail time if the
mark loses his/her cool as a result of this dirty trick
...


Auto Dealers

If an automobile dealership screws you, on either the car, the deal, or
the service, don't get angry -- get even
...
Walk right up to the customer and tell him you woeful story
...
Be factual, be cool, and act as if you're an
honest citizen trying to save another honest citizen some money and
heartache -- as you wish someone had done for you
...


When the manager asks you to leave and you don't, he will probably
call the police
...

Small-town media usually won't allow reporters to come -- car dealers buy
lots of ads, and you don't
...
So when the manager calls the police,
you call your TV reporter -- fun and games for the 6:00 P
...
news
...
Tell your story there and then
...
But stay on public property
...


If you escalate the attack a bit, show up when the night salespeople
are on duty -- they won't recognize you
...

Few salespeople pay much attention to an obvious gawker
...
A bottle opener is hard on the
finish
...
If you could smuggle some in with you, stuff roadkill under a car seat
or in the glove compartment
...
By the way, used condoms make wonderful plants in other
locations as well, like the boss's desk, or in a customer's car back in the
service shop
...
, you can run amok
...
This sort of
guerrilla warfare can literally wreck a dealer's service reputation
...
According to Townsend
Alexander, our financial intelligence agent, you can make good money
buying some very cheap foreign coins that are the same size as quarters
...
Wrap a few real quarters on the ends but fill the rest
of the roll with the cheapie import coins
...


Take the roll of coins into the targeted bank
...


If you could get a banker to tell the truth, he'd admit that they hate
college-student checking accounts
...
However, that's not our problem
...
Acting as the bank's ad
manager, get in touch with the student newspaper at the school and arrange
to run some ads with banner headlines reading, STUDENTS WELCOME,
plus such services as NO SERVICE CHARGE, FREE CUSTOM-PRINTED
CHECKS, INTREST ON THE BALANCE, NO MINIMUM BALANCE,
and so on
...
The day
after the "bank's" ad runs they will be swamped with unwanted students,
who are going to be very angry at the bank (and probably at the student
newspaper)
...
If that institution or its
machine has become your target, here's a dairyland delight you could easily
employ
...
Insert the cheese "card" into the slot of the machine and
leave the area
...

The bank still giving you trouble, or you didn't give them enough? It's
time to move things up the scale a notch
...
Pay cash for a three-month rental
...
Go to the market and buy a couple of overripe
fish -- I'm sure you'll get a bargain price
...
Go directly to your safe deposit box
...
Close it, lock it, and store it
...
In a few days your deposit
will gain their interest
...
It's quite possible bank officials will have to hire
someone to drill the lock on the targeted safe-deposit box to remove the
contents
...
Within moments you're an involuntary participant in
a game of chicken with that cyclist, who swerves while you weave
...
Maybe
...


On the other cheek, maybe you've been blindsided by an irresponsible
cyclist trespassing on your pedestrian walk right of way
...


"I've declared war on all two wheelers who trespass into my life," Mel
says
...
"

One of Mel's tactics is to toss a length of chain into the spokes of the
dirt bike when it's roaring by
...


"I've also used a wire cutter to snip the spokes on a bicycle whose
owner has done me a disfavor," Mel relates
...
"

Another time he spread a large patch of grease on the path used by dirt
bikers
...
He's used all the nasty engine additives mentioned in another file
for these machines that disturb his world
...
Turning seriously, he
added, "I've thought about the old World War II trick of stretching piano or
barbed wire across a trail or bikeway, but I think that could be fatal, so I
don't really do it
...
Until then I
will stick to the old standards that have worked for me so far
...
But maybe if
those young riders learn some manners early and stay the hell off pedestrian
walkways, they might grow up to be decent people
...
For the first step, a printer should make you
about three or four dozen bookplates, all featuring your mark's name and
address, plus the legend, "If this book is lost and you find it and return it, I
will pay you $10 cash
...
Buy two or
three dozen used hardcover books
...
Your next step is to paste on the bookplates
and distribute these books -- at the beach, on park benches, in a bus or
subway, or in a bar or restaurant
...


If your mark has a fine library, you might consider introducing it to
silverfish
...
If you feel
this nasty, you probably already know where to get silverfish and their eggs
...
Maybe there's a
better way
...


Why not give your mark the image of a philanthropic person? Donate
books in his/her name to the local library, but without either party's
knowledge
...
Your printer will produce some paste-in bookplates that say
something like this, "This book donated to the [Name] library by [Mark's
name] in loving memory of all the sweet children of [Town name]
...
Put
some in the children section, and others in the religion books
...
Although it's true
that many students have become docile zombies, lobotomized by lethal
doses of television and the bureaucracy of the educational system, there are a
few live ones
...
After getting nowhere appealing to an untesticled school administration, and after being ignored by a housing
inspector and a city council belonging to the same social class and clubs as
the corporate landlords, the students held a pizza party
...
One participant reported, "We
dumped a couple of really gooey pizzas in each dryer, put in the coins, and
turned them on
...


Professor James Shannon claims that college students of the past had
heinous imaginations
...
Professor Shannon suggests that if you have a
teacher you don't like, and he/she lectures from a desk or podium on a raised
platform, you move the stand so its legs are barely balanced on the front
edge of the platform
...
With any luck the
pedagogue will land on top of it
...
The professor was in the habit of arriving quite early for 8:00
AM class, early enough so that the hasty-tempered birds would just be
awakening
...
Eyewitness reports left no doubt whose feathers
were ruffled most
...
, in the name of their priggish colleagues
...
The school's PR people had a terrible time getting out from
under that one
...
But please take his colleagues word for it – he
deserves every bit of it
...
Working on my grandfather's
farm, I learned about carbide bombs
...


When calcium carbide is exposed to air and water it produces a gas
that will kill small animals
...

The animal is gassed to death
...
Simply toss a pound
or two of carbide into a can and seal it, but be sure to punch a few holes in
the lid
...
The results can play havoc with your mark's
fish pond or fancy goldfish pool or an indoor aquarium
...


Some of the nastier kids used to place amounts of carbide into the
toilets at our school
...
The carbide would
combine with the water to produce a huge cloud of noxious gas, which
would explode when it hit the lighted cigarette the perpetrators left behind
...


Tim Bell, who later became a Special Forces NCO in Vietnam,
explains, "We had a kid bully whom no one liked -- a real prick
...
So two of us went in
right after him and laid a carbide bomb in the water in the next stall
...
"

At this point, Tim burst into a wild laughter
...
With that kind of background as a
high school kid, it's no wonder Tim Bell made a good Special Forces
trooper
...
Enough of the stuff could get very dangerous, considering the
possible backup of gases
...


Cars

This one's really kiddie Halloween time, but it does work
...
It's worth some minor harassment,
of course, and works outstandingly well with high-strung non-mechanical
typed who absolutely panic at car noises
...
Sooner
or not much later, the wheel will simply roll off the car
...
Willy
Seamore, a top mechanic, suggests you extend the cable, then place the lead
weight on the extended portion, which effectively blocks it from returning
...
It's a nasty version of
the jack-rabbit start
...
The
new miracle glues are impregnable when squirted into car door keyholes
...
If you hit just
before the mark's family vacation, leave the car door locks alone and hit the
trunk lock
...


A refinement of simply putting a super glue or epoxy into the car's
various locks is to take any old key that will vaguely locks is to take any old
key that will vaguely fit into the lock cavity, insert it, then twist it rapidly
back and forth until the key breaks off, stuck in the lock
...
The job is more permanent and more costly to
repair
...

Marshall Tanner, inventor of muffler bearings, says you can prop some
large-headed nails against the tires of your mark's car, especially if it's
parked so it will have to be backed up to get out of a parking stall in a lot
...


If your mark's married, you can have all sorts of sport with his
ride
...
You could tear them a bit
...
You can escalate this stunt
somewhat if you buy male underwear --get the sexy style in white—and
place some lipstick smears around the fly area
...
The younger she sounds, the better
...
Use
your and the mark's wife's imagination
...
Several daint handkerchiefs of the type
favored by milady and heavily impregnated with semen can also be stuffed
in the car
...


In less carnal surroundings, if you can get to the distributor cap,
remove it and use graphite from a pencil to contact the rotor brushes
...
This could
cause the mark to dash into his local car butcher and get charged an
outrageous price for an unnecessary tune-up
...
The
antacid will kill the battery's power before you can say "Plop, plop, fizz,
fizz
...
According to Lee H
...


Don't forget additives when working on a mark's car
...
Many
experts, including some of Uncle Sam's khaki-clad nephews, suggest light
materials, such as crushed cork, as a great additive to the gasoline tanks of
vehicles belonging to people or institutions you don't like
...
"

Sand is not recommended because of its weight, especially when wet
...
The idea is to get the additive to the bearing
surfaces, where the coarse little buggers can kick and scratch up a
mechanical breakdown
...
During World War II, our OSS used a mixture of finely
ground cork, resins, carborundums, and metal alloys to muck up an engine
...
The alcohol will gather up all the water in the fuel
trap, and when this mixture goes through the fuel line it will cause the
vehicle to snort, stammer, and act as if it has big carb troubles
...
Done enough times, this one can redline the frustration
and credibility levels of both the driver and the mechanic
...


"Put the harmful additive in a metal gasoline can like they sell in
stores," advises Joey MacJohns, a veteran trickster
...
"

And don't forget oil additives
...
Boat-supply stores and marinas have styrene available
for patching fiberglass boats
...


There are substitutes compounds that will do the same job as styrene,
so read the label when purchasing the stuff to make sure you're actually
getting styrene
...


Styrene in the crankcase is far better that sugar in the gas tank because
it can't be seen after being introduced and because only a little does a
thorough job
...


This is a fairly high-risk stunt, but it could be fun if you don't get
nailed doing it, according to Bill Rally
...
If you're motivated enough to carry off this stunt, no one has to
tell you how to start the mark's car without a key
...
But stay fairly near the theater, so
you can get back there in a hurry
...
Run over
lawn furniture, hit mailboxes, and try to frighten some old people by coming
really close to them with the car
...
Do your dirty driving fast and get
the car back to the theater parking area even faster
...
If

you've done enough damage, all sorts of police reports will be out on the car
...


That can be a real blast
...
My thanks here go to all those great
truck farmers who say a potato jammed into a vehicle's exhaust pipe is not
explosive, but it will cause all sorts of nasty problems
...
His tormentor jammed a
fresh, hard spud tightly into the car's exhaust pipe
...

Meanwhile, the hot gases, unable to escape, built up dangerously behind the
potato
...
KABLOOM!
...
The
holing and denting of the siding cost $150 and a day to repair
...
A
firecracker may be shoved into the vehicle's exhaust pipe, pushing it along
with a stiff wire until the explosive device falls into the muffler
...
Even a fairly small firecracker will cause panic, especially if the
driver is paranoid to start with
...


If the violence and property destruction of this bothers you or causes
you to grimace, consider this next happy face
...

Select one that looks especially gross -- like an old man, or the idiot, or
Richard Nixon
...

This leaves your vision unobstructed
...


Just as another motorist overtakes your vehicle to pass you, lean out
the window
...
I bet very few cars
actually pass you with this stunt in operation
...
How many times
do you look to see if the plate is on your car? A cop has only to look once
...


Don't you get really happy when some defective excuse for a human
suddenly pulls his/her vehicle out directly in front of yours or cuts you off?
Marty Mullin has a solution in hand
...
You can
use either the cartridge or the pump type -- just to be sure you get one with
enough power to penetrate metal
...
177-caliber pellets,
too
...
With a truck or van that's easy
enough
...


"Plunk a shot into the mark's vehicle, the trunk for a car, or the back
of a van or rig
...
A van or car will make a helluva
TWHUNK when that pellet hits, so be cautious
...
After
your attack, back off and proceed your business as if nothing has happened
...
"

I asked Mullin about the possibility of hitting a passenger who is
riding in the back of the mark's vehicle
...
"

CB Radios

Want to send your neighborhood CB nut a message? This nut is the
CB addict who refuses to filter his/her equipment and thus disrupts TV,
stereo, AM/FM, and other normal communication for blocks
...
In both cases a lesson is called for
...
It would be well to do this
when the mark is away from the home area
...
Then clip two leads of a regular 110-volt line to the CB
coax -- one lead to the center conductor, the other lead to the shield
...
Then, hop down from your perch near the
antenna and plug the other end of the 110-volt wire into your mark's nearest
outdoor socket
...
well,
words fail to describe the results adequately
...


A bit less destructive, but no less nasty, is the old pin-in-the-coax
trick
...
Be sure it touches the center conductor
...
The plastic should close behind
the pin, making the wound invisible
...
Do a couple of these
along the coax between the antenna and the CB set
...


Charity

Charity begins at the home of your mark
...
These charity drives are so happy to get volunteers
these days that they will rarely verify your call
...
In many cases, the mark is too
embarrassed to refuse, and you've added to his/her workload
...
Besides, your mark might turn out to be a
great charity worker
...


You can also call in pledges to bothersome telethons, using double
entendre names
...


Margie Kowalski used to work for the Salvation Army
...
Report
the mark by his auto license number
...
You
can also report this "crime" to the police
...
This one came from Alabama, the old Limburger-cheese-on-the
muffler-of-a-new-car trick
...
Or you can simply place some of the same
substance behind a radiator in a home or office
...


Child Abuse

I heard a real horror story recently where a truly evil-minded teenager
[Hmmm
...
They hadn't and didn't
...
The parents were looked upon as villains, even though the
judge dismissed the charges as unfounded
...

Nice
...
Acting as a "concerned neighbor," you can tell the
authorities
...
After you've done this, a few anonymous
letters to the mark's employer about the "child-abuse thing" will help out
...
For
example, maybe your mark would make a good CIA employee
...
Write a letter of application to the agency using your mark's
name
...

I doubt that they take many of these seriously, but they might be interested
in talking with a highly qualified technical person, such as an analyst, area
expert, journalist with oodles of foreign experience, language expert, or
economist
...
Make up a good solid
background
...


Send resumes to:

Personnel Representative
Central Intelligence Agency
Washington, D
...
20505

You can also send in an application in your mark's name for a CIA job
at the field office in the nearest city
...


Classified Ads

Classified advertisements in your local newspaper are inexpensive
little bullets that can cause major wounds to the mark's psyche if properly
aimed
...
You could insert a classified ad to "sell" their automobile
...
That will bring in the phone
calls
...
Again, ask potential
customers to either call or visit at hours that will be very inconvenient to the
mark
...
Maybe
your mark ought to advertise for "young boy and girl models to pose for 'art'
pictures
...


Placing ads is a snap
...
Take a tip from that and don't make it outlandish
...


While you're thinking of newspapers, don't forget those sexy tabloids and
their really gross cousins that let readers advertise all sorts of weird sex
things
...
Maybe you'll be doing
him/her a favor
...


You might help the mark share his new friends' sexual talents
...
If you're not sure, contact a local
sympathizer and ask him/her for help
...
Bi-couples welcomed for Greek and French culture
...
You really ought to
study the target publication before you word the ad
...
Read a section of
this book that tells you about using a neighbor's address and the mark's name
before you get started
...
That way you can send originals or Xerox copies to the mark's
neighbors, relatives, business associates, and friends
...
Offer to
pray for them
...


Help your mark out of the closet by running a classified
announcement ad in homosexual publications
...
Now, he/she is coming out and telling the world she/he has taken a
lover -- and name a friend, neighbor, or business associate as that lover
...
Don't get caught
...
He followed the usual auction format to prepare the
newspaper ad, then ran it when the mark and his family were away for a
weekend
...
But let
Sweet Old Bill tell the rest of his story:

"I set the time of the auction for 7:00 A
...
, so that just as the sleepy
mark was rolling out of the sack about that hour, he looks out on his yard
and sees about three hundred salesgoers out there trampling all over his
lawn, garden, and flowers
...
"

Although it's not strictly a classified advertisement, the little indexcard notices that people place on bulletin boards in bars, supermarkets,
laundromats, and other public places are great ways to harass your mark
...
But the advantages are, they don't cost anything but the
time required to prepare and post them, and you can be a lot more wordy,
descriptive, and personal than you can with a newspaper advertisement
...


Clergy

One of the most useful bits of armament in the trickster's arsenal is a
set of clerical garb
...
But then,
organized religion has known this for years, profitably practicing their old
proverb "Let us prey
...
It creates a wonderfully
secure and trustworthy image
...
In Ireland, weapons and explosives are
smuggled by kindly-looking middle-aged persons disguised as religious
figures
...
What's also astounding is that so few people rise
above simple vandalism as a response
...
They don't question most refund requests
...
"

People who work for vending companies claim that customer
vandalism is why the machines don't work in the first place
...
I'm not here to adjudicate this debate, but to
pass along some alternative philosophy
...
There are many
inexpensive foreign coins that will duplicate the American version and
operate vending equipment
...
You could tell them that you use
them for jewelry
...


Here, according to Hoffman, are the more useful foreign coins
...
They are hard to come by, since they are no longer minted
...
S
...
It does not work in cigarette machines
...


Dime-sized coins include the Malaysian penny, which works in a
variety of machines and devices that take a dime
...
Another ersatz dime is the
Trinidad penny
...


Computers

The computer won't really be human until it can make a mistake, then
cover up by blaming the error on some other helpless machine
...
It seems perfectly proper, then, to seek vengeance against
these tyrannical mechanical masters of ours
...
Machines cannot
do this, unless some person translates these abstractions into programmed
sets of yes or no
...
This, of course, screws up the system, and the
computer regurgitates your card
...
People punch these extra holes in
cards using a keypunch machine at a nearby school, or they simply and
carefully cut a keypunch pattern with an X-acto art knife
...
Place a
large strip of Scotch tape on several computer cards
...
A
repair person has to come and perform mechanical surgery on the machine
to remove your fatal paper bullets that felled the machine
...


Should the opportunity arise that you have a few secure moments with
some reels of computer tapes and you want to screw up whoever or whatever
controls the data on these tapes, you might try passing a portable
electromagnet back and forth across the tapes
...
In many cases computertape records are the only records kept by many companies and schools
...
If you're lucky, you'll discover this sad fact before he's done
working on the house
...
I
once went through that many years ago, and it can be fun
...
Erect a huge sign on your lot that says
something like, BUY THIS UNDER-CONSTRUCTED, POORLY DONE
HOME -- CHEAP
...
When he complains, tell him you wouldn't think of subjecting
your family to the horrors of living in such a poorly constructed dump, and if
he buys it you'll take down the sign
...
You have already shown him your list if you had to
eventually resort to the big sign
...
The heading of the list
should state his name, address, and telephone number along with your
general beef about the poor quality of his work, followed by the specific
complaints
...
It's worked well in
the past
...


A man calling himself Hank suggests one for the construction trade
...
Hank claims, "I've seen it work -- it causes slow but
continual deterioration of the structure from corrosion
...
The only way to use a credit card
intelligently is to pay off each month's balance, avoiding the outrageously
high interest charges
...


You are dealing with computers when you use credit cards
...
Yes,
there are consumer-protection laws designed to help you
...


Kathy Ross had a bad time with magazine-subscription service
through which she ran a credit-card charge
...
She followed the consumer-protection rules, and within
seven months she was being billed for fifty dollars in interest charges alone,
still didn't have the subscription mess straightened out, and was getting
dunning letters from the credit-card company, calling her irresponsible
...
Kathy
never did get justice
...
"

If you can get the mark's credit-card number, order a huge bunch of
mail-order merchandise for him/her
...

The secret here, according to a former security agent for one of the card
companies, is to keep the amount of each individual purchase under forty
dollars, because telephone confirmations are made on greater amounts
...


Using the mark's credit-card information to place telephone orders
involves some investigation, according to Robert Schoster, a master
manipulator
...

Schuster gives the mark's full name and address, then asks the mark or the
mark's spouse to please verify the credit-card numbers
...


If you don't have his/her credit-card number and you feel honest, don't
steal with it
...
Pretend
you are the mark
...


This is fraud, but one recycled Yippie who is now billed as a
professional psychic for the various supermarket tabloids told me how he
applied for and got various credit cards merely by lying on his application
...
Despite my doubts, several
corporations I asked denied that they passed along these losses to the rest of
us in the form of outrageous interest charges
...
The scam is to call the place from a pay phone and give them a fake
name in some high-rise apartment
...

When the truck arrives with the order, and while he is up there trying to find
a nonexistent customer, you could help yourself to what's left in the truck
...
I spoke with the manager, and he told me to
get lost and refused to give me my money back
...
"

Lefty Gaylor has another reason: "We swipe beer from only one
distributor, because everyone knows he's a big Mafia type, and they rip off
everyone else, so why not steal from them?"

Isn't stealing from the Mafia dangerous?

"Not if you don't get caught, and this one's too dumb to know any
better
...
That way we multiply
our efforts
...
You need either three or four associates,
depending on whether you personally want to go into the field on this one
...


The drill goes like this
...
She is
described as being either an unfaithful wife or a hot-to-trot daughter,
depending on the age and circumstance
...


As you approach the fateful house on the evening decided upon, you
or your associate, acting as a "guide," must stress that the husband or father
is a fiery and jealous man and that she takes you on as a secret lover because
of insatiable lust, etc
...
You have to get his adrenaline and imagination cooking really
well
...
She should be dressed --or undressed-- in
the appropriate fashion
...
About the time his eyes bug is time
for the next act
...
The guide
screams in shrill terror, "Run! Run like hell! It's the husband [or father]!"

As the mark and guide start to dash away, a couple of shots are fired,
and the guide falls
...


All is not really silent
...
It's a great idea to carry on with this scenario
for a few days, with you or another conspirator, who has been undercover,
keeping the mark apprised of the guide's condition from the supposed
gunshot wound
...
"

The mark won't stop his fearful shakes long enough to wonder why
the police haven't arrested the husband or father
...

This scam turns a lot of corners before the mark finally realizes that he's
been had
...
The mark will
...
Some of the veterans of the streets will help you out between
treatments for a price
...
Think how much fun it
would be if you could hire one of these venereal versions of Typhoid Mary
to dazzle, pick up, and seduce your mark
...
It is not that hard if
you plan, bargain, and buy ahead
...
Revenge was the best medicine, and he did
extract his dose
...
It was worth it
...

Having access to drugs, my friend got a small amount of cocaine and planted
it in her car during a special visit to the other city for just that purpose
...
He told
them that she'd just burned him on a drug deal and that he was turning her in
because of it
...
Happily for my friend,
this female actually had a bit of marijuana on her person when she got
busted for the planted coke
...
The third stroke of luck
was that this bust took place in New York State
...
He says the police
aren't buying her story of innocence
...


Having drugs around is a very dangerous risk
...
You should know
that your call to the police will be recorded
...
If
you're a good thespian, try to use a foreign or regional accent
...
Don't stay on the line for more than thirty to forty-five seconds
...


An old head like William Harvey would get a chuckle from this, if he
were still with us to enjoy it
...
, with some incense sprinkled on for scent
...
"
These materials were mailed to the mark's home address using a slight
variation in the spelling of the name
...
After a day or two,
Harvey had a male with a rough, raspy voice call the mark to ask if some
package had been misdirected to him/her by accident
...
Naturally, the mark already had done this
...


As a postgraduate version of this scam, Harvey used to send a
package containing some suspicious-looking white crystalline powder
(sometimes with a touch of brown) using the same bit just described
...
, then your first order of business is to read Edward
Abbey's THE MONKEY WRENCH GANG, twice
...

For example, if you've had unpleasant dealings with utility companies
"creating progress" in your area, for example building roads, drilling gas or
oil wells, stripping coal, deep mining, etc
...
The
monkey wrenchers have an answer
...
Anywhere you find them
...

That's the first goddamned general order in this monkey wrench business
...
"

He should have added that you should always disguise the dirt from
the stake hole, tamp it down, and disguise the scar, so the enemy cannot
simply replace the stake
...
perhaps enough that a lawsuit could be instituted against the
environmental rapists
...


"It'll turn to solid carbon, that syrup, and seize the engine up tight
...
I'd suggest about three to four quarts per
tankful
...
But if it was a company machine or if
they'd leased my machine, hell, I'd probably buy you a drink afterward!"
In the summer of 1978, about 150 angry farmers in Minnesota held a
beer-and-hot-dog party to celebrate the coming of the "bolt weevils
...


The farmers were fighting mad over the invasion of the huge utility
conglomerates who were running their power towers and lines across the
countryside, ruining farms and dairy operations
...
That's when the "bolt weevils" came to the
farmers' rescue
...
Soon, after two of the 150-foot-tall, hundred-thousanddollar transmission towers lay smashed on the ground, victims of the "bolt
weevils
...
That's comforting, at last
...
Hell,
it's the people --us, the little people-- they better watch out for
...


"They may finish this power line and others, but the greedy, land
raping bastards will never keep it in operation
...
And more people are coming around to our way
...


A major gas company was ripping and raping all over the countryside,
using the national need for natural gas as its excuse for avarice
...


Farmer Dale explained, "I knew a little bit about the state
environmental regulations, so I decided to help the gas company violate as
many of them as I could, even if it mean sacrificing a few things of my own
...
By morning, the result was nearly seven hundred gallons
of diesel fuel in the stream below my place
...
Because of a phone call I'd made earlier, the local
newspaper sent a reporter, too
...
He slammed through my cornfield
...
He was shook up to beat hell and blamed his own truckers for
leaking oil
...
"

Farmer Dale did some other things that week, like move and replace
those "Underground Cable" markers used by the power and phone
companies to mark buried wires
...
He sprayed weed killer on his own crops,
within a hundred-yard radius of the gas well, then raised hell with the state
agricultural people
...


"Finally I dumped some chemicals in my old well and had the water
tested (he had had the water tested prior to the drilling, of course) by the
county
...
I turned it all over to my attorney at this time
...
The case was settled out of
court, allowing the company to finish its rape, yet at a very high price,
including unlimited free gas and a lot of cash for Farmer Dale
...
Angered because the well drillers for a
natural-gas company were filling their mammoth water-tank trucks from a
trout stream that ran through his property, a landowner spiked their plans
...
The board was about eighteen inches long
...


The ambush site was the deeply rutted pull-off spot the heavy water
trucks used when they sucked thousands of gallons of good water from the
clean stream
...
Our combatant placed his spiked boards
tips upward, into the ruts
...


As a postscript, he enjoyed this activity so much that he built dozens
of the spike devices and became a traveling one-man hit squad, placing the
traps whenever he saw evidence of the heavy water-tank trucks
...
Extremely versatile devices, M80s are excellent
propellants for other substances
...
Put some fresh feces, the looser the
better, into a large Baggie
...
Even more gently attach the
filament to the fuse of the M80
...
Finally, move the bag of feces up and around the light fixture
...
Tape the bag to the ceiling
...
One cautionary note: Be sure the light switch is off when you
screw in the bulb
...
Done correctly, this is a spectacular
stunt
...
Paint, cheap perfume, acid, and CS gas
all have their place
...
If your mark has an outdoor barbecue, you could sprinkle a cup
of old-fashioned black powder around the bottom of the grill
...
I would hate to imagine the multiple
effects of such a pyrotechnical display on one of those fancy grills powdered
by LP gas
...
Remember
fireplaces, wood stoves, ovens, etc
...
Black powder
really works!

If you can't get a regular smoke-bomb device, a smoke grenade, or
something real from the military, make your own
...
You heat this mixture over a very low
flame until it starts to blend into a plastic substance
...
He suggests you stick a few
wooden match heads into the mass while it's still pliable
...
The smoke device is non-explosive and nonflammable
...
Watch which way the wind blows
...
One
of his favorite non-lethal tricks involving non-explosives is a good bit of
cardiac theater
...
Connect this with
some coiled wiring to a ticking alarm clock and place it so your mark will
get the full visual and aural effect
...
These are urethane-and-resin compounds, usually
in a spray can, which billow out and expand into a mass at least thirty times
the original volume
...

Another version is a two-part liquid that when mixed does even more
astounding things
...


A gallon of super foam will make eight cubic feet of the ultra-strong
material, which is water, erosion, and corrosion proof, as well as heat and
cold resistant
...
They rely on advertising and
societal brainwashing to make certain the lulled citizens use the product only
for its duly intended purpose
...
I took an informal survey of
fifteen hardware stores in my area
...
Yet one
clerk told me, "Most [buyers] are young kids
...
"

I bet some of them have a very good use to mind
...
During World
War II, for example, the British Security Coordination often forged
letterheads, documents, and official cables to thwart Hitler's efforts in the
early dark days of 1939 through 1941
...
Some of their tactics are
highly adaptable to today's dirty trickster
...
Another excellent reference is
THE NEW PAPER TRIP, which will give you everything you need to know
about forging to get even
...
Even I, a thick-skinned,
terminal misanthrope, was awed at the gall of some people who demand to
see your entire house or who pound on your door at 6:00 A
...
to get a "head
start" on a garage sale you announced in the paper starting at 9:00 A
...

Getting the message?

Let's have a garage sale at your mark's residence
...
List all sorts of outlandish
bargains and tell people you have guns, old china, glassware, and dozens of
inexpensive antiques
...
Remember
that! Naturally, the mark and/or the neighbor will know nothing of this until
the first knock on the door at 6:00 A
...


"I used to get all sorts of odd-hour calls from home-remodeling-andrepair salespeople at this one local company," recalls Jim Kenslogger
...
No luck
...


"I learned who their chief executive was and pulled the bogus-garagesale number on him, complete with newspaper ad
...
He
was really out of sorts after about a week of this
...
I called right back, asked to speak to that executive, and
told him I was damn tired of being bothered by his salespeople and could he
get them to stop calling me
...
I'll surely take care of it for you
...
"

Gases

A serious dirty trickster should have a supply of ammonium sulfide
...
It smells
so awful that no one, not even the most terminal of coke sniffers, can stand
to be around it once it has been brought into play
...
Using this stuff as a base, Kurt Saxon offers a very effective
formula for making your own stinkum in his book THE POOR MAN'S
JAMES BOND
...
Phew
...
Propped near the door you're closing, it will be knocked
over when the mark enters the room
...


Crowd-dispersal devices are also good choices for the trickster's
arsenal
...
Many of these items may be purchased over
the counter in some states
...

If you obtain it without undue risk, MACE is an excellent choice
...


You can buy many of these materials by mail order
...
One of the best mail-order companies in this business is
American Colonial Armament, P
...
Box F, Chicago Ridge, Illinois 60415
...
Morton Pitt Company, at 1444 S
...
, San
Gabriel, California 91776
...
He tells you how to do it all in your own kitchen workshop
...
O
...


From Elmer Bill, our gardening editor, comes the charming advice
that spray cans of Raid and other insecticides provide you with an
improvised defensive weapon
...


This buffet of gaseous ideas is method only
...
But at
times when people or institutions have done you dirty -- a dose or so of
noxious gas may help set the record straight for you
...

Harvey Rankin and Festerwald Ray proved this premise in their study
SCRAWL ON THE WALL
...
Biker and jock bars are usually the best
...
If you're lucky, the mark will
answer
...
It is hoped that you'll be the only ringer among a large crowd of
real callers
...
You could have posters or billboards printed to announce your
mark's coming out of the homosexual closet
...
Your political candidate
may actually support busing
...
And so on
...
You can get bogus ones
printed in the same manner as billboards and posters
...
It might be fun sometime to sit
around thinking up other creatively rotten things you could do with bumper
stickers to get even with someone
...
TRY IT, and place these on the automobiles of local bikers, right
wingers, clergy, and others who feel threatened by homosexuals
...
BAN
HANDGUNS or HUNT HUNTERS bumper stickers go great on the
property of redneck gun nuts
...


Other fun bumper stickers can say things like, BEER DRINKERS
GET MORE HEAD; SUCK MY TAILPIPE; HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY;
HOORAY FOR THE KKK; or DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES
...


Highways

An activist can have fun on the roadway, too
...


In World War II, it was common for enemy agents on all sides to turn
road signs so as to misdirect military convoys, screwing up operations
...


In the annals of highway history no one has seen the equal of the
many low points of the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation,
traditionally a repository for political hacks, Mafia underlings, patronage
hogtroughers, and the terminally incompetent
...
Harvey Shopp, a veteran
political trickster, has all sorts of suggestions for highway fun such as
painting sawhorses to look like official blockades and using them to close
highways, bridges, etc
...


The road woes of Allen McDonald illustrate the rationale behind these
moves
...
When
county road scrapers went by, they piled a line of debris high enough to
close his driveway
...
All calls to county
officials were answered with only the uncaring and operationally impotent
cluckings of the tongue
...
"I began to
turn road and other directional signs around
...
I once called the local radio station and announced
several road repairs that would mandate detours -- telling them I was a
county road super, of course -- which really screwed up local traffic for a
couple of days
...
Naturally, in the midst of all this
I also brought up my beefs about their conduct, offering to testify at the
hearings
...
So I stopped my
counter-abuse program
...


Homes

All sorts of things have homes -- snails, snakes, groundhogs, weasels,
Japanese beetles, even marks
...
The idea is to hit
close to home, for both physical and the psychological destruction involved
...
Because the
landlord refused to make needed roof repairs, several rainstorms flooded
Konely's apartment, damaging personal property
...


Pat Konely admits the response wasn't very funny, but it did put a
damper on the mark's day and his own home
...
Konely says that this stunt
works wonders when the mark is not aware of what's going on until the poor
drip really gets the message
...
Hook a hose,
ideally the mark's, to the outdoor faucet
...
Carry it to the mail slot and quietly fit the bare hose end
through the slot and into the house
...
Konely says
you just turn on the faucet and hope the mark has slow reactions
...


"That would be like shooting puppies in a barrel," Konely snorts
...
"

If your mark hates cats, be sure to place dead fish in obscure and
unpleasant places around his/her abode
...
If you want feline
audio accompaniment, tie a large dead fish from a tree limb or pole just out
of the reach of the neighborhood cats
...


The modern epoxy glues are a miracle to many and a menace to
others
...
(Liquid solder works too
...


How about some party humor? If your mark doesn't know you're
getting back at him yet, you might even find yourself a guest in the target
home
...


A trickster by the name of Micki related how she once came bearing
gifts for the mark's family freezer
...
Then, nestled among the nice beef
roasts, steaks, hamburgers, and chickens belonging to the mark, Micki added
her own packages of frozen roadkill -- dead cats, small dogs, groundhogs,
and crows
...


While doing your tour of the targeted facilities don't forget to dump
some fiberglass or insulation dust into the mark's washing machine
...
Within half an hour of
getting dressed, a person wearing clothing impregnated by the fiberglass or
insulation dust will wish he/she weren't
...
The best part is that no one ever thinks to
blame the rash on sabotaged clothing
...
A continual supply of "product" is
assured if you mix the nasty dust in with the laundry detergent
...
Once, some of my peer-group delinquents put some three
pounds of it in a nasty neighbor's furnace, after somehow gaining entry to
the basement
...
It
was awesome
...
It will
flare, smoke grandly, and, with the sulfur present, stink all the more
...
He hopes you dig
it
...
Also, rent a pickup truck and tape a cardboard sign to its door with
some vague identification on it about a landscaping business
...


You should arrive at the mark's house about half an hour before the
backhoe
...
The neighbors should think everything is in order if you
act as if you know what you're doing
...
The premise is that the mark wants to add a
basement room somewhere on the house
...
In most suburban areas, underground
utility lines are indicated with aboveground markers
...
Pick an area clear of utility lines and
pipes and lay out some string and stakes
...
Tell him your client, the mark, wants that area excavated and to bill
the mark directly
...
Ideally,
you'll never see the backhoe operator again
...
" She was
right
...
If not, any insect
book will tell you
...
Or get them from a sciencesupply house
...
It's called how fast can the
little eggs hatch into hungry termites and devour the mark's house? There's
no trick here; you just infest your mark's home with the little buggers
...
This last one was prompted by a frustrated renter whose
landlady refused to have the cockroaches and other pests exterminated from
an apartment
...


Hookers

In many cities independent business people have set up a personal
service whose employees make housecalls
...
It might be fun to invite one of these hedonistic
harlots to "your" house
...
Try
to pick the most upright, puritan neighbor you can find to receive this sexual
good Samaritan -- a professional virgin or librarian; something on that order
...
These are fairly common among streetwalkers, the
bargain basement of hookerdom
...
Nature, as they say, will take care of the rest
...
I know a couple of people who set up a cop this way
...
He got his, so to speak
...
After trying to be
reasonable, here is how Ralph Charell, a champion-class advocate for the
little guy, handled it
...
He requested a deposit
box in the hotel safe and placed the offending rib roast, which he felt was of
poor quality, in the box and locked it
...
One was held by the hotel, the other by Charell
...
"I told them it was valuable
evidence in a possible legal action I was considering against an organization
with whom I was having a disagreement about the quality of one of their
products
...
Within another short time, Charell
was called by the manager and asked to clear whatever was in the box out of
the box
...
The
hotel manager threatened to force open the box anyway
...


"What do you want from me, Mr
...


Ralph Charell then reported the details of the dinner he and his party
had had at the hotel
...


In Homer City, Pennsylvania, a group of the locals told about the time
a fellow had a room at a nearby boardinghouse
...
The locals went to a junkyard
and brought a huge gang plow
...
They assembled it and welded
the pieces together with a small, portable machine
...
There was a great deal of consternation on the part of the mark and the
landlord, who parted company faster than the room and the plow
...


A collegiate trick reported by Whitney Clapper called for hiding small
dead things, such as mice, sparrows, or moles, in out-of-the-way places in
the marks rented room
...
Within a few
days, the mark will be aware that something is wrong
...
Left unattended, this stunt will provide the mark with a
mass of pet maggots to raise
...
A former executive explains, "These
files contained detailed analysis of actual and potential weaknesses, trouble
spots, and other problems of any sort facing clients
...
Obviously, these very
thorough and detailed investigative data would be of immense interest to a
saboteur
...
These data are
like a printer on sabotage
...
But if you have enough dedication and imagination you
will find a method
...


Now let's get to the insurance companies themselves
...
By law, the
insurance company must show you the file it has on you
...
There are
organizations and lawyers that deal in just that sort of thing, and a load of
simultaneous lawsuits for such things as invasion of privacy and slander
would be great
...
So she answers these requests with affirmative orders; "I'll buy,"
she tells them
...
, appointments
...
Why the second billing?

"They rarely send out the policy before the first billing," Deborah
explains
...
I usually get a second bill with a polite dunning letter
...
It drives the salespeople to anguish every time
...
"

I asked an insurance agent about this stunt, and he cursed people like
Deborah, saying these people drove our rates up
...


Don't ever pity or sorrow for insurance companies
...


IRS

A veteran dirty trickster named Michael Mertz has something good to
say about the Internal Revenue Service -- it can be used to furnish a hard
time for your mark
...


"You'll need your mark's Social Security number and some other
obvious personal data
...


"Call a regional IRS office and 'confess' that you have cheated on your
income tax, you conscience has bothered you, and you want to make things
right by this great nation
...
"

The kicker comes when the mark doesn't show up to keep the
appointment, for obvious reasons
...


So much for using IRS to hassle your mark
...
As in dealing with any large bureaucracy and
its people, many of the stunts mentioned in other chapters may be brought to
play against the IRS
...


You could start by picking up a bunch of blank returns and filing them
in the names of your least favorite people
...


With the help of your printer and your newly found forgery skills,
prepare some financial documents indicating that some person or
corporation has received some substantial income
...
The idea is to make it look like
copies of a purloined original
...
Offer to send the IRS person the papers
...
If the IRS gets nasty they may find
themselves in court
...

Think what could happen to IRS if you fed them a dishonest error!

Joggers

Overweight and overwrought motorists drive by in their Detroit
Dinosaurs, pass a jogger, and mutter, "Damn stupid schmuck
...
Joggers are often
thought of as nuts, oddballs, and kooks to be dealt with
...
I posted the
land, but they ignored the postings
...
If they stop they keep running in place
while I'm raising hell about trespass
...
I was thinking about hiding in the bushes and
ambushing them with my kid's BB gun
...
Some folks
even actively plot against joggers, using cars and motorcycles, then arming
themselves with boards, pies, and other objects with which to strike the
runners
...


Tire spikes are a World War II relic
...
Your use may not be so
widespread, but with equally exasperating results
...
Its purpose is to puncture rubber tires
...
One of the points always stuck upward, ready to impale a vehicle
tire
...


One anti-jogger has already suggested that these spikes be reduced in
size and dropped strategically near the running habitat of these long-range
exercise buffs
...
One critic called this tactic "a really sick pain in the metatarsus
...
That's another World War II stunt redrafted for this book by Colonel
Jake Mothra
...


Another contribution to joggermania would be to sprinkle marbles on
their special little pathways
...
Perhaps that's where
filet of sole originated
...

Once is to carry MACE for obvious use
...

These can be directed against attackers'
automobiles
...
It is not very hard, for example, to dump
several packets of dye into someone's wash, ruining his/her clothing
...
One
antisocial chap used to put small piles of moistened rust particles in the dryer
used by his mark so the mark's clothing would have large rust stains
...


Additives that are positive ingredients for a good time at the
laundromat includes raw eggs, fish, peanut butter, and fiberglass
...
Small nails or staples driven partly into seats, and restrooms
...
And
vending machines can be made to steal money from patrons
...
It's a simple matter of spilling quantities of tomcat
lure on the targeted lawn
...


There are also a number of commercial lawn-care products that may
used to good advantage by the serious dirty trickster
...
Using concentrated weed killer, you
spell socially offensive words on the lawn with the defoliant
...
This
works best on a slight slope facing a street for maximum exposure
...
If you're
the sort of fun person who's read this far, I'm certain you'll need no
suggestions as to what to say in your little message
...
Defoliation is the most
potent way to get back at dastardly people who also have unreasonable pride
in their lawns and ornamentals
...


This time we're going to take out everything that grows
...
Look
on the label to see that it says the stuff is nonselective and/or that it makes
the soil barren
...
Like a good guerilla, pick out what he loves most and
hit it first and heaviest
...
No
prisoners
...
At
night you can't tell how much of the gunk you are inhaling or getting on
your skin
...


Reinhard Ray, a former special-operations man for the U
...
navy,
suggests a selective use of the weed killer in a psychological battle against a
mark who is a true worrier, fringing on paranoia
...
A
final, heavier dose would be appropriate at the jointure of home and line
...
Obviously, this is effective only if your mark's
house uses natural or LP gas
...


A related scam would be to spray the stuff in a circle around the
house
...
I'm
sure your imagination can embellish the rest of the letter's content to
convince the mark that he, his family, and home are now radiation victims
...


Lawyers

Punxy Phil Ferrick decided to get back at a dishonorable attorney who
decided to try hoodwinking the public by becoming a politician
...


Using the letterhead for starters, Ferrick sent out blatant dunning
letters over the mark's signature demanding campaign contributions from
politically sensitive people
...
In the bogus letter, the lawyer threatened
action
...
, for Nixon in '68 and '72
-- complained of the dirty tricks
...
And no one ever
suspected Ferrick
...


Another scheme is this: Get a blank deed of trust, fill in your mark's
name and address, use your notary seal, and you have a legitimate-looking
phony document
...
It means the mark has defaulted on a mortgage or
some other promissory note and that "you" are filing against it
...
Days of frustration,
anger, and bureaucratic disbelief directed at the mark will follow before
things are straightened out
...
The best point
here is that no one ever does things like this illegally, so the bureaucrats will
never suspect it as a dirty trick
...
If you have access to a law library or law-library
materials, you can play games with the mark's mind, claims Oswald Helms,
an observer of the legal scene
...
A dummy form or letter, photostatted with some dummy
legal notices, using, for example, arrest warrants, summonses,
condemnations, search warrants, etc
...
It
will shake the mark very much
...
It saves time and
money
...
"

License Plates

There are many sophisticated and clever ways to obtain additional
vehicular license plates that aren't registered in your real name
...
Be like a street punk
and simply steal what you need
...
That simple
...
But if you're careful and use a bit of common sense, can you think of
a simpler and safer way of getting the extra plates you need for dirty tricks?

MA Bell

Did you ever see those office signs that say, THINK?
telephone-company office I visited, I saw signs saying, SNEER
...
For years stories have
been circulated about using strips of Scotch tape on coins, which allows their
use again and again in pay telephones
...
Some of their literature
is sheer technological genius, almost as if it were written by a Bell
Laboratories dropout
...
His purpose
was to learn about the technical side of the company so he could later
control or destroy telephonic communication
...
A professional dirty trickster for more than twenty
years, Alexander uses the dangerous but simple method of physically cutting
telephone lines
...
Unless you know what you are doing and have
the proper equipment you could easily light up like an insect hitting an
electric bug trap
...


Lee Jenner, an accountant, suggests that you overpay your telephone
bill if you're alienated from Ma Bell
...
Make it consistent
...
Start another pattern for a while of
overpayment; then underpay again
...
"

Jenner continues, "The local telephone company had screwed a client
of mine and refused even give him the time of day
...
It worked totally to his satisfaction
...
Hang them on every public telephone you
find
...

Much as you may hate them, they're the only game in town
...


You can play games with your local service representative (Ma
Belltalk for salesperson) by ordering phones and equipment for marks or
ordering service shutoffs
...


Bandit calling may have been developed by the Yippies
...

Aside from the blue boxes, which make free calls for you, there is a tactic
that can be used by the non-technical wizard and doesn't cost you anything
...


Always use a pay telephone and not always the same one
...
Here is where knowledge of Ma Bell's codes
comes in
...
A subscription cost you ten dollars a year,
but each issue contains all sorts of other dirty tricks, as well as an updated
listing of not only Ma Bell's codes, but also the complete credit-card
numbers for many corporations, public utilities, and government agencies
...
O
...
Y
...
It's a good investment, according to
most readers
...
You simply dial the long distance operator from
your pay phone and sound very, very businesslike when you say, "This is a
credit card call, and my number is [give the operator the credit-card
number]
...
" Be sure you can tell a suspicious operator the area code from
which the card was supposedly issued
...
It helps if your party at the other end of
the call knows what's happening
...
Avoid sensitive subjects like your name, politics, drugs, or
dirty tricks since you never know who is recording calls these days
...
Obviously, your callee should act very
dumb when Ma Bell's security people do come to investigate a month or so
after the fraud is discovered
...
They're good at that -- many of them are former federal or
state police
...
The employee also told me these tactics are used
against persons who even publicize such practices
...
So should you
...


By the time you read this, though, the game may be up
...
The
telephone company, which has both security and propaganda sections that
rival the government's, was working furiously behind the scenes to influence
the verdict
...
Restrict Hoffman's idea to corporate, utility, or institutional telephone
systems
...
Unscrew the
mouthpiece on the telephone in any one office
...
Attach one of the wires from the
extension cord to the red and one to the black
...


According to Hoffman, you are sending 120 volts of electricity back
through equipment designed for six volts
...
"
Even if his numbers are somewhat exaggerated, you've had a good day
...

Depending upon the circumstances, you will need either a postal box or a
regular street-address mail drop
...
"

If your scam is a short-termer, pick an apartment with many little
boxes
...
Put in your little name card and use that exact address on your
returns
...
Or you can have a very cool and trusted friend front their address as
you as a mail drop
...
You'd better think this one through
before involving another person
...


Mail

The Ku Klux Klan has some interesting strategies for spreading terror
...
If you need to fatten
the file, include clips from national publications too
...
), which you leave on your mark's home or office doorstep
...
He told about Jim Boren (pen name
of a friend), whose great idea for practical joking was to send single
entendre postal cards bearing personal, sexual, or medical messages to
William's home
...


Williams is not Boren's only victim
...
I
was envious when she told me how things went down
...
"

Or this hotel postcard came from Hong Kong, addressed to Williams
via his pen name at his real address: "She's no longer at the topless bar
...
I can pursue it at
the embassy, but will have to disclose your personal interest
...
"

It is signed by J
...
There is no Harley, no agency, no
nothing at the return addresses
...
One said: "Sorry, couldn't
make it this time
...
"

One of Harley's better efforts at postal assassination was this gem,
sent from Toronto: "Thanks for your help with the bail money
...
If I get the book thrown at me later, I'll ride it out, but I want a written
agreement on the money and I don't want you saying ugly things about me in
the papers if they learn about your personal role in this
...
They may be
in touch soon
...
"

This next stunt is also accomplished through the mail
...
The eggs are inserted with
an innocuous business letter into an envelope addressed personally to the
mark
...


It would make sense that nothing in this letter connect back to you, of
course
...
The resulting confusion will ensure that two marks are unhappy
...
Two observations -- first, people shouldn't read personal mail
addressed to other people; and second, sometimes the innocent must scratch
along with the guilty
...
It's easily available from novelty stores, or you can make your own

following the directions printed in some of the formula books available
...


A suggestion for a nastier ingredient came in from a former agent of
the American intelligence community who got paid a lot of money for
planning and implementing things like this
...
"

Marriage

Carol Sludge and a friend decided they should stage manage an entire
wedding for a mark
...
She handled the gown and bridesmaids'
goodies, and he did the sartorial bit for the men
...
They did
it all in the name of the mark and his fictitious spouse to be
...
Everyone showed up for the ceremony -everyone but the "bride and groom
...


Beyond that, what do you turn to after the old standard buns of
wrecking the marriage ceremony have been batted around the bachelor-party
table? Here are some quickie suggestions, brought to you by the Reverend
Robby Gayer:
1
...


2
...
She should cause
heads to turn if she's costumed correctly as she vamps up to the
groom-mark and plants wet soul kisses on him, cooing, "Don't
forget our past, love
...
" As she leaves, she stage
whispers, "Last [night, week, whatever] was just super
...
"

3
...
Just as
the reception begins, arrange to have many M80s or grenade
simulators exploded
...
Consider bringing additives into play with the punch and the
food
...
Hire someone, grief stricken at the loss of the bride or
groom, to messily and dramatically "attempt suicide" at either the
ceremony or the reception
...
"

6
...
With luck, you can get a member of
the wedding party to do this
...
Use many additives in the groom-mark's drinks during the
prenuptial bachelor party
...
Hire someone to slowly and dramatically flash the minister
for the back of the church while everyone else is facing front
...
Try to
upset him or her during a song
...
Call the state police or the drug-enforcement people and
give them a complete description of the car that will carry the
bridal couple on the honeymoon
...


Media

The mass media -- newspapers, radio, television, and magazines -- can
be helpful tools in getting even, or they can be your mark in a dirty trick
...
In general, newspapers tend to be conservative and stodgy and
not much interested in your rousing of the rabble
...


Television likes good, visual consumer stories, and local TV stations
will go for local controversy more often than will local newspapers
...


If the editor says the event is news, then it goes out to the public as
news
...


To impress editors you have to keep coming up with fresh action
...
Your
message has to be catchy, visual, and packaged to fit ninety seconds of time
in the six- or eleven-o'clock news slot
...
They don't know how to use TV
...
It doesn't matter who the
people in the picture really are
...

• Use a low-power mobile transmitter to add little bits of original
programming to your community's commercial radio station
...

• Newspapers often have huge rolls of newsprint in relatively unsecured
storage areas
...

• Some small radio stations are often loosely attended at night
...
You might be able to wait until then or have an accomplice
distract that DJ while you place a prerecorded cassette with a message
of your own choosing on the air
...
Using you imagination, you can certainly
cause a variety of grief with their crime
...
Agreeing, Eugene Barnes recalls, "A couple of years ago, I
wanted to get back at a doctor who'd really screwed up my family with some
terrible behavior in a business dealing
...
' I called the radio station and had them run a
saturation campaign of twenty-five spots per day listing his name and home
address and telephone number, plus all sorts of promotional gimmicks, like
free delivery, free Coke, stuff like that
...
The station ran the ads for a day and a half before
the doctor got them pulled
...
"

Newspapers, magazines, radio, and TV are businesses, very concerned
about their profit-and-loss statements
...
Knowing this, old
media hand Ben Bulova has a scheme that works well most of the time
...
"You call in and order a subscription in your mark's name and
address
...
That way, when the papers start to arrive, the mark thinks
they're free
...
That conversation would be interesting to hear
...
He advocates an entire string of such gifts
...
If this doesn't work, a trusted
printer will make some for you
...
Get some technical
advice from a medical textbook or a very trusted friend with a medical
background, then prepare a series of embarrassing lab reports for your mark
...


The mailing of the bogus report must be coordinated with a telephone
call to the mark's spouse, employer, parents, parole officer, etc
...


If you're waiting in a doctor's examining room you will probably see
all sorts of goodies stacked around -- syringes, common drugs, medical
equipment, maybe a diploma or two
...
Beyond simple pilferage, the opportunity exists here for introducing
additives to various products
...
It comes
from the Olde Medical Almanak of Doctor Jerrold Andurson
...
Andurson guarantees that this will give your hemorrhoidal
mark one of the hottest seats she/he could feel
...
He said that the second worst
pain in his life came when he came to the end of the trap's chain
...
An easygoing sort, Gressle was driven to revenge by this nasty
Brigadier of Bedpans
...


"In late November I was visiting my uncle's ranch in Idaho, where he
raises a few sheep
...


"I put that in a box, wrapped it in bright Christmas paper, and stuck
little happy-face and Christmas decals all over it
...
I put a
fake return address on the package and a few holiday stickers on the outside,
too
...
It is my sincere hope
that Nurse Nasty unwrapped my gift in front of a lot of nurses, doctors, and
patients
...
'"

Considering that the major side effect of medical treatment these days
is terminal bankruptcy, it is little wonder that the medical institutions and
personnel have become the target of so much getting-even thinking
...
Yet the
range of regular stunts presented in a dozen other chapters of this book are
as effective against medical institutions and people as against any other
subject -- perhaps more so, given the self-held exalted status of the medical
community
...


However, if you are thirsting for a few little goodies to toss at the
medical community, here's a mini-list of suggestions:
• Leave dead vermin at strategic points of a particular medical facility -near the coffee shop, the kitchen, the emergency room, the visitor's
lounge, etc
...
Or if
you can get in to where the staff food is prepared, more powerful
additives may be used
...
Use this to
charge medical bills, either real or imaginary
...
If it's your
friend, he or she is part of the scam and will pretend to be outraged
about the whole business
...


Military

While serving as a guest of Uncle Sam, I had some intelligence
assignments
...
Or as Groucho Marx said, "Military intelligence is a
contradiction of terms
...
That's why some tricksters don't wear an actual uniform but either
build or rent a replica that surely looks real
...
This sort of incorrect inference could cause all sorts of publicrelations and worse problems for the military establishment
...
A Jerry Rubin
trick would be to find a somewhat deserted area of a large public
recreational park
...
The signs will say:

WARNING
Army war dogs training in this
area
...
Keep all
children and pets within sight
...

--U
...
Army
...
Guess
how many brass hats will have to visit the site, investigate, write reports, and
give explanations
...
Hah! Can you military agents reading
this book break the code I just used? -- MESSAGE ENDS --

Speaking of military-intelligence agents, I recall that especially
obnoxious recruits, second lieutenants, and other lower-order sorts could
often be sent on a fool's errand that often multiplied into more harassment
than the stunt was really worth
...
Anyhow,
you can send these marks out to bring back a rubber flag to be flown on
rainy days
...
If
you're air force, a five-gallon drum of prop wash is an appropriate errand
target -- or a bucket of prop pitch or a box of RPMs
...
You can always send someone to the post or ship's print shop for
some dotted ink
...
The best
part is that they almost always fall for such nonsense
...


If you have access to the sound system over which Reveille is played
each morning, you might move up that magic time of day by, oh, say half an
hour or forty-five minutes -- just enough to screw things up
...
Another day, play it in the middle of the night
...


In a similar sense, at one summer camp, a national guardsman
switched the Reveille record for a rock record one morning
...


Some solid general advice for getting even within the military comes
from a high-ranking and experienced military man who is now a biggie in
the VFW
...

He suggests, "The military is a blizzard of paper, paranoia, and intrigue
...
A good primer for action is to read CATCH 22
...

It's an absolutely fertile ground to grow dirty tricks
...
"

Thinking about sensitive and logical people brought Selective Service
to mind
...
However, a
true dirty trickster would think in 180 degree terms -- why not invade the
draft? Simply register yourself in about three dozen locations with an equal
number of draft boards
...
I guess I don't have to list the reasons why someone
might wish to get even with the Selective Service system or a particular
board
...

Once, the manager of a motion-picture theater offended Troy
...
Soon after the feature began, he released the creatures,
all of which flew directly into the beam of the projector and stayed and
stayed and stayed
...


Another person was served buttered popcorn in a tub that leaked the
gooey liquid all over his date's dress
...
The patron of a stage theater had his pants torn on a protruding seat
spring
...


What's next? Peanuts Campbell has an answer
...
Peanuts Campbell
used to take a container of lukewarm vegetable soup into a movie theater
...
He made the sounds of being sick to
his stomach -- choking, coughing, retching -- then dumped the soup on the

people below
...
But you must have a
good escape plan
...
If you don't
feel adventuresome enough to dump on your fellow customers, simply go
into the theater early and, while no one else is around, place gooey chewing
gum on random seats
...

You may also use a slow-drying glue on the seats
...
He suggests that if a
municipality has corroded you with its parking corruption, then a return is
only fair
...
Repeat as necessary, he adds
...


Neighborhoods

Be the first in your mark's neighborhood to become a blockbuster
...
Find a real estate agency that
deals mostly with blacks or Chicanos
...
Don't hoke up your role with a lot of brotherhood stuff -- play it
straight
...
The kicker is, you give the salesman the mark's name and the
neighbor's address
...
By the time
the "mistake" gets straightened out who's going to believe the mark? Not
only have you alienated his neighbor, but you have taken a big chunk out of
his credibility and popularity
...


This stunt works -- a person I know used it
...
The clerk was bigoted and exceptionally nasty
...
The black customer suddenly flashed his wallet full of green money,
and both white guys blanched
...
Two days later my friend called a black real
estate agency
...


Notary Seal

Possession of or access to a notary seal is vital to a trickster
...
Many times you will need to
have a document notarized as part of the scams explained in this book
...
Some firms sell real ones -"official" -- on the black market
...
Avoid these -- some are so crude that they wouldn't even fool a
politician
...
The con had been an engraver in civilian
life and really knew his work
...

Corporations use them all the time, which may give you a tip right there
about the value of seals
...


However you obtain it, get a notary-seal kit
...
In addition to the notary seal, you should
also get a couple of other official-looking dies
...
S
...
All sorts of possibilities exist
...
But who is afraid of seven people!

You remember the Great Gasoline Rip-off of 1979, when the oil
companies raped the driving public both coming and going? Petroleum
magnate Jimmy Slushslinger related this story: A regular customer pulled
up to a service station and said, "Fill 'er up
...
Sorry
...
"

Starting rumors at the inappropriate time is the something else to do
...
Tell parked motorists that all fuel is gone
...
" Don't wait around for the cooling-off period
...
Aramco, in case you didn't
know, is the major oil cartel that works with OPEC to rob American citizens
...
He cut a sliding door in the floor of his van
...
He drove in only to
company-owned gasoline stations, parked over the main tank caps, then used
a wrench to open one
...

Bruno Tannetto dislikes oil companies
...
He also saved all the postage-paid return envelopes they used to
include with his bills
...


Bruno collected a bunch of heavy rocks and boxed them up in a sturdy
carton, which he marked, "Caution -- Geological-Core Samples" and
addressed to whatever oil company he had the envelopes for
...
He did this many
times to several of the giants
...
The agent provocateur's mode was
forgery, and here's what he did
...
He had his printer create some blank memo
sheets using the company logo
...
The memo
discussed the need for deep cover to prevent leakage of sensitive financial
contributions to state and national political officials
...


"The idea behind this," Hilliard explains, "is to cause the oil company,
or whatever mark you choose, to have to explain and deny
...

Great, huh? You can use this same tactic with any corporation, utility, or
business
...
But always use real
officials' names on the forgeries
...
Use this
information to you best advantage
...

The security and intelligence operations of the oil industry are as nasty and
effective as anything the feds could put together, and they are not hindered
with what few laws do restrict the federal law-enforcement people
...
When dirty tricking the oil companies it is
crucial that you practice WYA, which means Watch Your Ass!

Recently, a lady trickster called the wife of an oil-company robber
baron and pretended to be a lowly cleaning lady at corporate headquarters
...
Oil Executive that she, the cleaning lady, was a good Christian
lady who believed in the God-given sanctity of family and marriage, our
"cleaning lady" revealed that she often had to clean fresh semen stains from
the couch in Mr
...
That's all, just a simple telephone
call from a simple, honest, God-fearing lady to a stay-at-home wife who's
probably already paranoid about her executive-husband's extracurricular sex
life
...


By now you surely owe that friendly and cooperative printer a few
glasses of lemonade for being your co-conspirator in a number of scams
...
Many of your area's prominent citizens should receive a
fancy invitation to attend a special local social function hosted by your
favorite oil corporation
...
Informal dress from [time] to [time] at [location]
...
This won't give the doubters, cynics, press, or
anyone else much time to ascertain the veracity of the invitation
...


"I had no mere dirty tricks in mind; my whole idea was to rip those
bastards as much as I could, the greedy, lying thieves," Melvin muttered
mildly
...
He obtained credit cards from as many
companies as possible and charged as many products and services as
possible only from company-owned stations
...
I had absolutely no
intention of paying," Melvin explained
...
Melvin responded, "Nah, I
got them in a fake company name
...


"The greedy bastards are so anxious to make money they'll just add on
those outrageous interest charges -- usury rates, they are -- and drool at how
much they're screwing me on financing
...
"

Do lawsuits bother Melvin? He rates lawyers and judges slightly
below clam feces on his scale of respect, and he says, "Let them sue the
company
...
Plus, they gotta find me
...
There is no justice, so you
use the law to suit yourself
...
He has invited many of you to join him
...
He says that many of the additives described earlier in this book and
elsewhere will work
...


"Once, some land rapists were drilling a noisy, sloppy gas well near
the home of a friend of mine," he relates
...


"One evening, when they were finished drilling for the day, I got
some of that slimy, mucky gunk that the drillers had bailed out of the well
...
"

He said he has also used several gallons of refurbished solid wastes,
known as sludge, as another additive for the oil-company products
...
A very sharp man
who would be as upset with things in America as you are, Jefferson is
quoted as saying, "Resistance to tyrants is obedience to God
...

It's enough to make them thump a few Bibles

---