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Title: Manipulation techniques
Description: Best profitable book for your knowledge
Description: Best profitable book for your knowledge
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MANIPULATION
TECHNIQUES
The Ultimate Guide to Influence People with
Persuasion, NLP, Dark Psychology, Emotional
Intelligence, Mind Control and How to
Manage Your Emotions
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter 1
...
Character Traits of a Manipulator
Chapter 3
...
Victims of Manipulation
Chapter 5
...
The Art of Manipulation and Persuasion
Chapter 7
...
Manipulation and Emotional Exploitation
Chapter 9
...
How to Use Covert Manipulation?
Chapter 11
...
How to Avoid Manipulators
Chapter 13
...
Emotional Intelligence for Leadership: Introduction
Chapter 15
...
The Benefits of Emotional Intelligence
Chapter 17
...
Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Leadership
Chapter 19 Emotional Intelligence at Work
Chapter 20
...
Leadership and Conflict Management
Chapter 22
...
How To Approach Your New Leadership Role
Chapter 24
...
Motivating People
Chapter 26
...
Team Spirit
Chapter 28
...
“He was really manipulative
...
”
But what does it mean? Where are the origins of manipulation in human nature?
Why and how do we use it? How can we recognize and avoid when it’s being
used against us?
It’s Psychological
When we talk about manipulation in this context, what we are really talking
about is psychological manipulation
...
Social
influence in and of itself is not necessarily harmful or fall under the category of
dark psychology
...
Manipulation can also be a two-way street between the manipulator and the
manipulated
...
Using Manipulation
Two basic theories have been popularized about the use of manipulation and the
character of the people who use it
...
Simon
...
His theory holds that there
are three things a manipulator must know in order to be successful:
1
...
How to determine their subject’s weaknesses and vulnerabilities; and
3
...
According to Dr
...
Simon’s list of manipulative tactics includes, but is not exclusive to:
Lies and lies of omission (deception), rationalization and minimization, denial,
evasion, and diversion, shaming and vilifying, playing the victim or the servant,
projection of blame, feigning innocence or confusion, and using anger as a
weapon of control
...
She
identified several ways in which manipulators prey on the weaknesses of their
subjects in order to gain and maintain control of them
...
Using positive reinforcement, such as praise, false sympathy, apologies,
and gifts;
2
...
Using intermittent reinforcement, which causes the subject to feel unsure
about whether they’re doing anything correctly, or what the reward or
punishment will be;
4
...
Using punishment, including verbal abuse, silent treatment, threats,
blackmail, or intimidation
...
Their combined
inventory of emotional vulnerabilities is a veritable laundry list of the softer side
of humanity
...
Lack of assertiveness or the ability to stand up for themselves;
2
...
Low self-esteem or the belief that they deserve to be treated in a
manipulative manner;
4
...
A lack of a strong sense of self
...
According to
Kantor, not only are these people naïve, dependent, and lacking in self-esteem,
they may also be narcissistic, craving the attention from the manipulator
...
People who are lonely, elderly, and altruistic may also fall prey to a
manipulator, as well as those who are impressionable and/or impulsive
...
There are several reasons why people do this, but much of it
comes down to the need for power or control
...
Some people use manipulation as a game, to see if
they can control others, but for their own amusement, not to achieve a particular
goal
...
In these cases, especially socio- and psychopathy, the
perpetrators of the manipulation are incapable of feeling empathy for others and
see people as tools to be used in their game of life
...
Real-life Scenarios to Help You Understand Using Manipulation
Manipulation occurs every day, all around us
...
You could try a persuasion argument, but if that doesn’t work, what’s
your next step?
You could undermine her sense of independence, but beginning to point out that
one time she burned a meal and almost started a fire
...
By planting the seeds of doubt in her mind, she will begin to
question her own capabilities and will come to the conclusion that she needs to
live with you
...
Prey on the insecurities of your subject to open their
minds up to doubt
...
Don’t Want to Be Manipulated?
No one wants to feel that they’ve fallen victim to a manipulator
...
It’s happened to everyoneyou find out a friend wasn’t really a friend, you have a romantic relationship go
sour, or you have an issue with a coworker that wasn’t quite on the level
...
Being
aware of and being able to spot these signs will help you avoid the use of
psychological manipulation against you
...
2
...
4
...
Denial of truth, especially in regard to promises made or insults hurled;
Use of guilt or blame, by turning everything into someone else’s fault;
Use of anger or threats, against you or others;
Use of belittlement towards you for minor ‘infractions’;
Testing of limits, to see how far you can be pushed before becoming
emotional;
6
...
Lying or cheating to get something they want, regardless of the cost to
others
...
It’s important to remind yourself that you are not deserving of manipulation and
that you’ve done nothing to provoke it
...
Don’t be a puppet!
CHAPTER 2:
Character Traits of a Manipulator
Is language the primary tool of deviously manipulative people? How can words
have such a powerful effect on us?
How a manipulative person mind works, is most likely only something a
manipulative person could comprehend
...
Though, in some small
way, we can all be a little manipulative at times
...
For much
the same reasons, such as trying to get others to do something for them or even
to get permission for something
...
Pinker and Bloom (1990) argued that we evolved to use
language because it helped us to adapt to our environments (4a)
...
The use of language to manipulate others to help us is the evolutionary
adaptation, appears to be a natural process
...
If they cannot achieve this control,
they feel helpless and lack any agency in their lives
...
We will all try to persuade someone at some point in our lives, but we are not all
narcissists
...
Not so for
those who manipulate to control
...
He argued that those diagnosed with a personality
disorder are actually people who are not very good at manipulating
...
Whereas a skillful
manipulator will aim to persuade someone less overtly
...
Usually also with a low self-esteem because of their background in life
...
How then can we recognize such a deviant person?
Common Traits
Use of Language
We have shown how powerful language can be, as a prime tool of persuasion
...
They will
use tactics that mislead and unbalance their target’s inner thoughts
...
Force their target to make a decision at speed, so they don’t have time to
analyze and think
...
Criticize their target's judgment so they begin to lose their own selfesteem
...
Ignore their target's needs, they are only interested in getting what they
want and at any cost
...
It
is a kind of unspoken rule to protect our own private space, such as not sitting so
close that you are touching another person, especially a stranger
...
Whether this is
because they do not understand, or they do not care is unclear
...
They will seek to build up a good
rapport first
...
Fodder for Thought
Manipulators tend to be very ego-centric, with limited social skills
...
Everything they do in life will be in relation to how it
affects them, not how their actions affect others
...
Controlling manipulators are unlikely to ever show
empathy
...
A study by Meffert et al
...
They lack sympathy of
any kind because another weakness is simply another tool for them
...
The consequences to their victim are of little importance
...
Creating Rivalry
Another tactic of the controlling manipulator is backstabbing
...
Behind
your back, they are busy spreading malicious gossip and untruths about you
...
Then, they can pick sides that will make them look favorable,
particularly to their target
...
Once bonded, they can start to build up trust, making it easier to
manipulate the target in the future
...
Their agenda is selfish so it is better not let them into your personal
life
...
It will turn out
to be exhausting playing them at their own game
...
Domineering Personality
It is unlikely that a manipulative person will outwardly show any form of
weakness
...
They seek to impress, believing they are right about everything
...
On a one-to-one level, that invariably means that your position is always
wrong
...
Once they have achieved this, then there is no holding them
back
...
Using ridicule is yet another tool against their target,
merely because it will make themselves look better
...
” The kind of joke that only the teller sees the funny side
...
Because they prefer to be popular, they do not wish to be seen as doing anything
wrong
...
They
are experts with facial expressions that are meant to dominate and intimidate
...
It may also
include noises such as tutting and grunting sounds
...
For most manipulators, it is their life’s ambition to show people up by
proving them wrong
...
Or, It could be in response to their disagreement on something their
target said
...
It is all a ploy to make themselves look superior
and put others down
...
Happiness is a tool used initially to help them manipulate, a happy target is more
likely to comply
...
But their joyfulness is a perverted model
of what most others consider happiness to be
...
A misery that they have caused with their
cruel manipulations
...
Most likely to happen when things are not going to plan
...
Then next they could be completely deflated at
their failure to succeed
...
Intimidation
One aspect of manipulation, often used as a last resort, is intimidation and
bullying
...
Some though may use intimidation from the onset
...
For example, let's take the role of a manipulative boss
...
They don't want to allow you your request but have no
choice, it is your right
...
They will set goals for you to reach so it will delay or cancel your request, such
as moving project deadlines forward
...
Alternatively, such a manipulator may use the tactic of the silent treatment
...
They seek to make you feel the guilty party
...
Using their height or
build to tower over you, or standing uncomfortably close
...
Nothing will go unnoticed under their watchful eye
...
But, the weak are more likely to walk into their traps, because
they are the ones who are easier to dominate
...
Many of these traits seem more
fitting to men, but women can be cruelly manipulative too
...
Never admit they are
wrong
...
A manipulator will never show respect but
will expect everyone else to show them respect
...
Playing the dumb one is
common practice, just to force another person to explain themselves further
...
Oh no, the victim
did that to themselves because they are stupid
...
CHAPTER 3:
Techniques of Manipulation
There are literally hundreds of techniques that manipulators implement in order
to get their way
...
Many of the methods listed in this chapter aren’t just used by
master manipulators in single shot situations
...
It is a stark realization that techniques of
manipulation are used on people across the spectrum
...
They usually start from the top down and then
are mimicked within the ranks because they are found to be successful at
producing the quality end result needed
...
While others use them for their own self-gratification
...
Remember, if you are planning on implementing any of
the techniques below, you first must master the items in the aforementioned
chapter
...
While you
may learn the ins and outs of some of the techniques, remember that they are
often used in very unforeseen circumstances such as charity drives, promotions,
financial obligations, and even in places such as religious institutions
...
The Fear-and-Relief Technique
The Fear-and-Relief Technique is explained in the title alone
...
The point of the technique is to
introduce some sort of situation or dialogue to the victim that would put fear or
anxiety into their system
...
For example, You are the Manager
of a department inside of a corporation
...
You know the employee is
not willing to work outside of the job description
...
You may specifically target the employee, saying their work ethic has
decreased and there are future layoffs coming
...
The second part of the fear-and-relief technique is to then introduce something
that may offer some relief but is not something in a normal situation you could
ask for them to do
...
The manipulator then turns the
tables, giving the employee a comforting talk
...
The
manipulator then comes up with a “brilliant” idea
...
The
manipulator might even promise to put in a good word for them during
evaluations
...
The Mirror Technique
The mirroring technique is sometimes used without even knowing
...
There are two levels of this technique
...
This technique is quite often used by
narcissists but has been employed in such things as interrogations, and
interviews by journalists
...
It is a subtle change,
first focusing on their body movements
...
Then the manipulator moves on to their speech patterns and habits
...
If the
target has a loud boisterous personality, the manipulator will slowly move theirs
up to match
...
The point of the mirror technique is to attract trust from the target
...
There
is nothing more comforting than your own persona
...
It can be a very
powerful technique
...
The Mirroring technique is also taught to select groups of people, such as special
forces military, spies, and black operatives for use in their work
...
When the target sees
themselves in the manipulator, they are then more likely to empathize with the
manipulator
...
When the target has
removed all suspicions or nerves with the manipulator, sees themselves in them,
has a sense of empathy, and trust them, the manipulator can see the core of that
person and in turn, exploit them for their own personal purposes
...
The guilt approach is when the manipulator uses
one of several different techniques to bring the feeling of guilt into the target’s
emotions
...
They may target their emotion soft spots
...
In order to accomplish most of these, the manipulator must know the target
pretty well
...
They must know how the target
will react and change their tone or tactics accordingly to get the best reaction
from them
...
They must have
empathy for the manipulator and trust them enough to believe they are telling the
truth
...
The guilty approach brings up feelings of good will,
obligation, protection, nurturing, or instinct toward the manipulator
...
They
may extort those feelings and receive a financial gain from it
...
They may also use the person’s empathy to stoke their own ego and make them
feel as if they were worthy of the praise
...
Having them kill someone for them
...
Putting their own
lives on the line for the manipulator who walks away free and clear
...
They can use it on boyfriends to get revenge on someone that has
hurt them in the past
...
It is manipulation through
emotion, one of the most powerful directives we have
...
But before we talk about the manipulative form of this, let's clear
up the other end of the spectrum
...
These people are not consciously
attempting to manipulate anyone
...
From that, they are unable to
pull themselves from this place without psychological intervention
...
Their life has not moved on from the event, especially inside of their
mind
...
They believe that controlling their own lives is impossible
...
Trust is not an easy thing for them
...
They have a negative self-image and feel sorry for themselves
...
They compare themselves to others
...
They often defend their right to be a victim to the death
...
If you know a person like this, it is best to help them find professional help and
therapy
...
Now, when it is not a situation of true
victimhood, it can be a serious case of manipulation
...
Oftentimes the manipulator will talk about their issues but never directly
ask for what they need or want
...
It sometimes confuses the target in knowing what exactly they want
...
When a target is with a manipulator playing the victim, they will find that they
feel guilty almost every time they are with that person
...
There is a ball in the pit of your stomach and a general
uncomfortable feeling
...
They will always justify their own with a basis in the situation in
which they experience
...
But I Love You So Much
...
” Both are
used primarily in close relationships where both people know each other very
well
...
When the person uses either of those
phrases to get what they want, it is manipulation
...
This can happen between couples and between children and parents
...
First, is your relationship
clear and concise or is it often hard to manage and difficult to navigate? Good
relationships should be clear and concise
...
You
know simple conversations will yield the right result for both of you
...
Secondly, if you are constantly being blamed or shamed for your choices
...
Bullying is not okay, nor is the blame game
...
Third goes along with the second thought in that control is not part of a
relationship
...
You are
not “becoming one” as the wedding vows say, you are still two different people
with ideas and dreams
...
One of the other ways to figure out if you are in a manipulative relationship is to
look at all the small faults you each have
...
A healthy relationship will
involve discussing them, and also finding the humor in those little things
...
Every little thing
you do is put out there in a negative manner by the manipulator making you feel
uncomfortable and self-conscious
...
Ultimately, if you are having to hear the words, “I love you so much,” or “Don’t
you have a heart,” or But I thought you loved me,” then there is a good chance
that you are becoming the victim of manipulation
...
It could simply be they really want something and are afraid to ask for it,
but either way, it should be immediately addressed
...
There
isn’t a single person who hasn’t used bribery at some point in their lives
...
Of course, there are all types of levels of bribery
...
Bribery includes the manipulator giving the target something (usually
money) in order for the target to do something for them in return, something that
will allow the manipulator to highly profit from the venture
...
There are the situations where any one of us could find ourselves being easily
persuaded
...
Extolling the virtues of one product over another
...
1
...
It seems to be the acceptable
face of social manipulation
...
All in aid of getting the public to buy the goods
...
When marketing is done well, it works
...
Companies do not have huge advertising budgets for no reason
...
They seem like a real bargain, saving our hard-earned
bucks
...
The offer tempts us with generous words, such as
"Free" or "Reduced
...
It even has its own acronym, known as
BOGOF
...
Are the stores or
companies really being kind in giving us free products? How can they afford to
that? The truth of it is that they are not giving anything away for free
...
The cost of a product is seemingly reduced, giving the
customer an offer that's too good to refuse
...
(5a)
Most larger shops buy their goods in bulk
...
That
is acceptable because they are a business after all, and must make profits to keep
going
...
If the stores have a surplus and the sell-by date is fast approaching, it
makes commercial sense to reduce the price, or use BOGOF
...
Some have argued that this practice of promotion has led to an increase in food
waste
...
Such commercial practices are seen as choices that adults can assess
intelligently
...
We all have
individual agency and should take responsibility for our actions
...
We live in a consumerist society
...
Not only for their standing in
society but also their sense of self
...
If customers cannot
afford it, no problem, they will be offered credit for their purchase
...
Linked to the massive increase in consumerism over the last few decades,
is a similar increase in marketing efforts
...
Whilst that might seem excessive and may not apply to
everyone, it does show the pervasive nature of advertising in everyday life (5b)
...
Though it may not work every time and on every person, it is successful often
enough to make it a profitable venture
...
It is a business tactic, not a personal ploy
...
Some people are far more vulnerable to manipulation than others
...
A classic target for scammers
and strong-armed sales personnel, are the elderly
...
This part of the population is
perfect for the controlling manipulator
...
Such people will not fully comprehend what is being put to them
...
” That makes them the
perfect target for unscrupulous manipulators
...
Working Environment
Anyone who is vulnerable is a potential target of a manipulator
...
Already we have learned that such a
character will initially behave with impeccable manners
...
If you do not know this person already, it
may be hard to recognize that you have become their target
...
On a personal front, this type of relationship can occur at work, or even in
intimate relationships
...
Do you have a boss that makes your life a misery
by demanding work at higher and quicker levels constantly? Browbeating you to
meet impossible targets
...
Could even threaten to sack you
...
This person knows we all have responsibilities, such as mortgages or
rents and families to support
...
In such a situation, any of
us could become this vulnerable person
...
Here are some typical manipulative tactics of this character
...
"Careerizma" is a career website
that provides useful guidance and resources
...
Fake Praise
The boss said they liked your idea and think you’re a great person, but then they
go with someone else’s idea instead
...
By leading
you astray, it gives them a sense of power over you
...
At this point,
they may belittle you or devalue your work
...
Now they have you like a puppet under their control
...
This is a
classic manipulative strategy
...
Show
you how they trust in you as the best person to get the job done
...
Once the job is
completed, they claim any praise for themselves
...
Should you question them about it,
they’ll claim your report was a total mess
...
Embarrassing you
Putting people down, in front of others, makes these characters feel powerful
...
After a while, you no longer believe in it yourself
...
Blame shifting
Whatever has gone wrong is everyone else’s fault, but theirs
...
Not only that, they’ll often
deny any negative things they might have done
...
Typically, they will say, ‘I don't normally behave like that, only when I’m
around you
...
They are projecting their own
misdemeanors onto someone else
...
Such as, if you walk into their office they don’t
stop whatever they’re doing to greet you
...
They know you are there, but take an age to get to you
...
Quite often they will bring irrelevant information into an argument, especially if
they are losing
...
These people must have the last word, always
...
If you hear these bells, you are working for a manipulative
controller
...
Some, once they’ve identified them, will stay clear
of such people
...
That can be difficult if the person doing the manipulation is your employer or
your partner
...
This is risky but
done in the right way could result in the manipulator moving on to another
target
...
We
all have our own strategies on how to deal with people we don't like, but the
handling of a narcissistic manipulator takes courage
...
Have a look at some of the signs to look out for, to know
if you are in such a relationship
...
Personal Relationships
This is a terrible situation to find yourself in
...
When someone wants to
control everything that you do, it can become a dangerous situation to find
yourself in
...
They are
keeping you safe, under their protective wing
...
It is a suffocating experience that comes with
other serious problems, such as sexual, physical and mental abuse
...
Whether those users are defensive
or offensive is up to you
...
No matter what way
a practitioner of dark psychology chooses to go about his or her work, he or she
will always employ manipulation in one way or another, so it is important that
you read this section carefully
...
That being said, make sure to pay attention as we begin with an in-depth look at
the history manipulation
...
This is a great place to
start with manipulation because it highlights how manipulation generally has
some kind of material basis, even nowadays, when most practitioners are people
who pride themselves on their cunning and their ability to produce power from
nothing
...
In other words, across generations, as those surpluses, the basis of the
manipulations carried out by those in power, grew and grew, the owners' of
those surpluses converted their brute force manipulation into systems of
manipulation and control over the people who relied on their material surplus to
survive
...
At its basis, however, the power inherent in this
relationship functions the same way power does now
...
Being good manipulators, (and in some cases even dark
psychology practitioners!) over time, they developed long term thought patterns
of justification, often through religion
...
They then could spread these justifications
easily, because, by virtue of their roles as purveyors and owners of goods,
services, and land, they already had an excess of influence over the thoughts of
other people
...
Manipulation may be a method for accruing power, but it must also be
predicated on an already existing power in order to be truly potent
...
You can see from this how significant the power of manipulation can be
...
In the
introduction, when dark psychology's long subterranean past as a driver and
mover of human history was covered, this is what was meant
...
There is no other
way for massive swaths of people to begin believing in the divine rights of
people who got lucky
...
In fact, as with all things, what one might call structural
manipulation is made up of many, many instances of individual, interpersonal
manipulation in a sense
...
Which
is to say, no, in the modern world you probably can not establish a territory for
your great-great-grandchildren to rule over by way of accumulating excess water
and land, but in understanding how primitive accumulators turned their
resources into power by way of myth, you could theoretically begin to create
your own myths on an interpersonal level
...
Look
around you with the cynicism of some kind or another in your mind while
forgetting about ethics, morality, or any pesky limits to human behavior; what do
you see? Chances are, if you give this exercise enough time and attention, you
will find that social relationships that seemed just before to be purely noncoercive are in fact predicated on subtle, but endless, manipulations
...
Manipulation always aims to replace nonmanipulative social patterns with itself in perpetuity
...
Manipulation In Dark Psychology
So, how does manipulation, which seems to be simultaneously an individual
action or set of actions and a way of thinking or even a system of thought, relate
to dark psychology, which, you will remember, is always predicated on doing
and action
...
Those ideas work better in
the study, as a means of better understanding the phenomenon of manipulation
...
Much to the contrary,
the study of another variety can be, in itself, an active, tool and use oriented
activity
...
That, in itself,
would help anyone in practicing manipulation, either by way of imagining how
exactly primitive accumulators developed such wide-reaching manipulations in
service of protecting their surpluses or by way of seeking to understand what
that primitive manipulation looked like, such that you can better avoid
manipulation in the present tense
...
Any information that is practically applicable is
itself a tool that should be used ruthlessly and without compunction when you
are dealing with the world of dark psychology, because, more than anything, the
world of dark psychology is rooted in practicality without exceptions
...
Manipulation is, after all, an incredibly practical
way of getting things from other people
...
Let's look at an example
...
One of the people who we will call Number
1, is a moralist and empathic
...
The
last of the people, who we will call Number 3, is one hundred percent pragmatic,
unfettered by morality, ethics, or principles, and well versed in dark psychology
...
After that, while the two of
them sit down together and continue talking, maybe ordering more food in the
process
...
After an hour or so has passed, Person 1 realizes he or she is late for a job
interview and gets up to pay and then go
...
Person 1, being a
moralist, politely tells this older person that he or she could not possibly accept
money from him or her in good conscience, then pays for his or her own meal
and goes
...
He or she
meets the sad, old wastrel and, begrudgingly, sits down to talk with him or her
...
Nonetheless, when Person 2 gets up to go, the old, lonely person
offers, still grateful for any kind of attention at all, to pay
...
Then he or she goes off, satisfied at having
saved some money
...
He or she meets this sad, older,
lonely, poor person in passing at a restaurant, and notes immediately that he or
she is easily susceptible to manipulation because he or she is in want of human
contact
...
Two hours pass
...
The older
lonely person feels immediate guilt, but Person 3 assuages all of it with a wave
of the hand
...
Afterward, the two exchange numbers
...
The two develop a friendship, meeting multiple times at the
same place
...
Within three months' time, Person 3 has received, piecemeal, thousands
of dollars from the older, lonely person
...
Person 3 displayed care and
generosity from the jump because he or she wanted something from the older,
lonely person, knowing full well from the jump that he or she would have a
massive return on investment, provided he or she put in enough time and energy
...
This is the power of manipulation while thinking through the lens of
dark psychology
...
Maybe you are not so wantonly lonely,
needy, broke, or obviously susceptible to manipulation from strangers
...
You could still be the target of a manipulator's plans, even if you
yourself are interested in taking up the study and implementation of
manipulation to better your own life
...
We all want things, which means that, without the proper mindset,
we are all viable prey for those that wish to use and contort ours wants to their
own ends
...
Perhaps you have the opposite problem, and you always disbelieve people
...
This may seem counterintuitive
...
As an example, Imagine two people you know have an incredibly heated, drawnout fight
...
Then, one
day, one of them tells you that, before the fight, the other one told him or her
that, despite what that other friend had told you, he or she actually hated an
object of yours that you had always been slightly self-conscious of, of which
your other friend had insisted to you up and down multiple times that he or she
was a fan
...
You might even wind up cutting off that other friend
...
Imagine that he or she actually planted the idea that your other friend was
dishonest in your mind because he or she knew you were both distrustful and
insecure about the object in question
...
Of course, this is an
exceedingly daunting task
...
That being said, it is not impossible
to become cognizant of these limitations or weaknesses
...
It may sound too
basic to work, but, in actuality, therapy may be the best way to protect yourself
against manipulation
...
Even if
you don't lose those weaknesses entirely, the process of learning about them,
becoming aware of them, is itself a defense
...
It may very well wind up going differently!
Let's assume, however, that therapy either is not an option for you or would not
work
...
For instance, does this
person vacillate between being incredibly kind, forthcoming, and generous on
the one hand and exceedingly needy and controlling on the other? Does it seem
like this person is always expecting something of you, and are those expectations
predicated on him or her having helped you out in a way that hits close to home?
Did they give you something you are always in need or want of, like validation,
an ear, or attention? The underlying question, here, is, does it seem like, when
you are with them, you always come away feeling like you either have to do
what they say or what they say is somehow always what you want? These are
the kinds of questions you have to ask yourself if you want to sniff out
manipulators before they have you under their control
...
This is because masters of manipulation know how to conceal
what they are doing
...
When a person is good
enough at manipulating, no one ever knows what that person has done
...
We aren’t going to tell you how to
be manipulative because that’s not going to do the world any good
...
Nothing
worth something substantial is going to be gained by taking from other people
first
...
Don’t persuade individuals who aren’t going to be able to know any better
...
You should only
help inspire others to think the things they would be able to on their own, just
with a little guidance
...
It doesn’t involve planting an idea in their
head and tricking them into thinking something they wouldn’t ever have thought
on their own
...
If you aren’t willing to do it, then it’s a safe bet that it’s not
morally right to expect someone else to do it either
...
You shouldn’t
take something from them that leaves them with nothing
...
It is a shared experience that helps both of you become better people in
the end
...
Think of it
like you would if you were to find a lightning bug in a glass jar
...
Or you could help
the bug and set it free
...
You can still help people
by giving them their own freedom to make decisions that are best for
themselves
...
Deception and Lies
It is important that you are never deceptive on your journey of persuasion
...
Lying is tricky
...
The lie could be
long-lasting, but the truth will always remain just as long as the lie
...
You don’t want to try and convince others of anything that is untrue
...
Withholding the
truth can sometimes be considered lying if you are intentionally keeping secrets
in order to persuade the other person
...
If you were staying in a hotel room, you
wouldn’t really want to know what everyone has ever done in that room
...
It is pretty easy to lie! For example, one of these is a lie
...
There are over 2,500 squirrels that live in Central Park
...
Which one do you think it is? Guess what? All of these are true
...
” It is just that easy to lie! You can
do it whenever you want, at any time
...
If you don’t get away with it, then you are going to cause more problems
than what you might have had in the beginning when you initially chose to state
the lie
...
Is it wrong to lie to a toddler
about their pet cat getting run over by the neighbor’s car? Is it wrong to lie to a
customer about how good they look in a dress so you can make a sale? Is it
wrong to lie to your spouse about cheating after you already broke things off
with your mistress? We all might have different opinions about these
...
Either way, they are
common, and they are real, and we need to look out for these lies
...
First, look at the way that they are talking
...
Look at how someone might be stuttering or tripping over their
words
...
If they struggle to keep up with the story and go off on too many overexplained tangents, they might be lying or at least bending the truth in their
favor
...
If they take way too long, then they are thinking of the best way to respond
that makes them look good
...
Look at what is being asked to determine whether or not
they might be lying
...
If they
are too still and incredibly tense, then this might also mean that they are doing
their best to stay composed
...
Skillful manipulators will be very still, collected, and ready with the
perfect answer to all questions
...
This is because the left side of your brain is in control of logic, and the right side
is in charge of creativity
...
You are using logic to help you remember the answer
...
You are trying to come up
with excuses and lies in order to cover yourself
...
Trust your gut if you really think people are lying
...
You don’t want to accuse someone and
have them end up losing your trust in the process
...
When you are brainwashing, you are wiping their head clean of
everything that they might want to think on their own
...
This
is malicious intent
...
There are a few mind control tactics you can use for good
...
This involves
highlighting the best parts of something and really running with that
...
However, an amplification tactic can help others to get really excited about the
smaller details of a project
...
Maybe it’s an image
or a phrase that helps you to best remember the new products that they have
created
...
You might limit yourself or the things
that you are trying to sell in order to make them more popular
...
Point out legitimate compliments that go beyond just the basic ones that others
are used to hearing
...
Tell them that
they have a great style! Don’t say, “That’s a good idea
...
” Give them
more substantial compliments besides what is frequently said in order to give
yourself a little advantage
...
You’ll want to show that you legitimately care and appreciate
them, and you aren’t just doing nice things to get something from them
...
Give
them your perspective and remember to use objective phrasing rather than
something that sounds more forceful
...
” Instead,
say, “I feel as though doing this has helped me, so you might find it does the
same for you if you try
...
Use logic and science to back up your argument
...
Remember the small details about other people
...
In order to better
remember, associate that trait with something about them
...
Remember that Ray is her husband because she has Red hair
...
Then, when she comes
back, make sure to not just ask, “How’s your husband?” Instead, ask her, “Is Ray
glad to be back home?” It’s so much more personal and shows that you
legitimately care and aren’t just asking to be nice
...
If you show that you are
angry, they didn’t agree at first or are unwilling to compromise, that will be the
first turn-off for the other person
...
Always show positivity and enthusiasm
...
Not
everyone is going to say “yes,” and the most detail-oriented plans we have can
still go in completely opposite ways
...
Put yourself in their shoes so you will understand the things that might be red
flags for them
...
If you can walk in someone else's shoes, you will better
enable yourself to understand exactly where they’re coming from
...
If you’re giving an interview to a potential
new employee, then, of course, they are going to be nervous
...
The context is going to help reveal whether or not you should really
have your guard up to protect against potential manipulators
...
Are their arms crossed? Are
they closed off? Rigid? Shaking? Start by taking in their overall stance first, and
then you will be able to better understand the actual message they might be
trying to show with their body language
...
What is their smile like? Squinted eyes and wrinkled cheeks will show that it is a
genuine smile
...
Their eyebrows will also reveal a lot
about whether or not they are genuinely smiling
...
Straight and unchanged eyebrows are usually a sign that the smile is fake
...
Not everyone will realize it, but
sometimes when we’re saying “yes/no” while also lying, our heads can actually
turn in the opposite way
...
They might state “no problem”
to keep the peace, but they could also end up nodding their heads up and down
in a way that usually lets us know that the other person disagrees
...
It’s still an example of how our heads can move oppositely of
what we’re trying to say, revealing our true intentions
...
You will be able to see if they are really holding
their jaw clenched at this point, depending on their facial structure
...
However, rapid clenching and grinding can indicate that they are thinking
deeply, which might mean that they are lying
...
They could be searching for more understanding, but it could also
indicate that they are looking for a better lie to cover their tracks
...
We think that this is the way that they are going to act in any
given situation
...
Make sure that you understand the full context of the way in which others are
sharing their actions with others
...
For example, you might have
an acquaintance who is frequently hanging out in your circle of friends
...
They aren’t very friendly to you, so you
assume they don’t like you
...
However, you might not realize that this person is just very
socially anxious
...
You only made an assumption based on the
basic level of understanding of this person, but there was a hidden truth
overlooked when connecting these dots
...
Maybe you meet someone for the first time at a party, and they
end up getting really drunk
...
Later on, you might discover that the night they met you, they had just gotten out
of a relationship and wanted to let loose at the party after an especially hard day
...
Consider
other aspects to help you determine the entire truth or the bigger picture
...
Study human behavior! Always question why others
do the things that they do
...
What is it that
they really want? Are they searching for a greater truth? Are they fulfilling an
empty part of themselves? Are they trying to make connections? Are they simply
bored?
Decide if people are passive or if they are active
...
CHAPTER 7:
Mind Control and Brainwashing
Now that we’ve established the fundamentals of dark psychology, we can start to
take a deep dive into mind control and brainwashing
...
We’ll also
explore how mind control and brainwashing can be used on a much larger scale
in the media, with images, sound, restricted choice through advertising and
more
...
Brainwashing often
requires the victim to be isolated, and more dependent on the individual or group
of individuals who are brainwashing them
...
Let’s focus on national, televised sports, the most seemingly innocent form of
cult worship
...
Those same billions spend even more billions of dollars on tickets and travel to
live games, merchandise, and the access to watch their favorite teams on their
favorite channel in the comfort of their own home
...
” Championship games of all kinds draw larger
audiences than political rallies, religious observations and even the release of the
latest iPhone
...
What kind of power
is this?
A dangerous one, that’s it
...
Then it
replaces that person’s “personhood” with an identity, set of ideals, beliefs, likes
and dislikes that aren’t their own
...
Commercials for different branches play during breaks, certain games
or national anthems are dedicated to veterans, POWs, or current individuals
serving
...
Then there was the debate over the national anthem when Colin Kaepernick
knelt in solidarity for all of his fellow people of color brutalized by police
violence
...
Soon, stickers, hats and t-shirts could be
found everywhere saying “I stand for the anthem
...
As television ratings were dropping, the
NFL created a problem that didn’t exist, turned it into a media tornado, and
unleashed their rhetoric on millions of viewers nationwide
...
The Fundamentals of Brainwashing
Many people tend to get hypnosis, CEM, NLP and brainwashing confused
...
It’s not only a tool of sports teams, in
fact, but it’s also been the go-to method of acquiring members for cults for
decades, if not centuries
...
The simplest example to illustrate brainwashing are cults, or small groups of
individuals who practice either a form of religion or other belief that from the
outside looks a bit sketchy, questionable, and perhaps even evil
...
Jones was a zealous religious
leader who convinced hundreds of his followers to participate in a mass
murder/suicide by drinking poisoned Kool-Aid
...
Founded in California in 1968, members were encouraged to have sex with
children to achieve “divinity
...
This cult, in particular, was perpetuated by founder David
Berg’s master of propaganda writing and publishing, which drew new members
to his group and kept older members close by
...
It wasn’t until leader
David Koresh took over as leader that he began to claim that he was the Messiah
and claimed all women and female children for his own
...
The cult was
disbanded in1993 after a standoff with FBI agents that resulted in more than 80
deaths
...
Followers of this cult, founded in 1974, believe that all life on Earth is
scientifically created, thus, not organic, and challenging all prevalent scientific
theories of evolution
...
Usually, this small, strange group will have one or two leaders with strong
personalities that lead their followers and often make decisions on their behalf
...
Don’t mistake friendliness for desperation on their
part
...
The boisterous and charming leader is also a
comforter – those who end up lost or confused by traditional religion are
comforted and brought into the fold
...
Acceptance
...
Belonging
...
Cults and Brainwashing
Cults and brainwashing go together like peanut butter and jelly
...
In this book and in this context, brainwashing is a type of
total “reboot” of thought and framing of the mind
...
Before we return to cults, it’s important to establish that this is not the only way
brainwashing is used
...
After working there long enough, you might believe that a certain length
of the skirt is more appropriate than another or a style of shoes more “business
casual” than just “casual
...
Video Hypnosis
Hypnosis and brainwashing can sometimes go hand and hand
...
Video hypnosis is easy to achieve today
...
Each one of these devices has the power to bring us any kind of information you
want (like this book) in a split instant
...
The technique of video hypnosis also incorporates neuro-linguistic programming
(discussed later in the book) by embracing both the power of language and
hypnotic suggestion
...
The subject of the hypnosis easily follows along with the video,
because more and more of their daily information is being disseminated that
way
...
It’s changed the ways our brains are wired so
that visual associations have become much stronger and powerful than verbal
associations
...
This technique, called backmasking, was actually a
popular musical trick made famous by the Beatles on their album, “Revolver
...
This technique became incredibly controversial during the
late 20th century in the music industry – many Christians accused bands of
hiding a secret, evil messages through backmasking in their music that promoted
devil worship
...
Another method of subliminal hypnosis doesn’t require backmasking, but just
two different tracks of sound
...
These messages must be repeated,
however, for maximum effect
...
Subliminal hypnotism is the most common form of dark Psychology used by the
media
...
It can be heard in music, as
discussed previously, or seen on billboards
...
Dark psychologists who are not confident in their
“one-on-one” powers might use this technique to break down their target
...
Think of your favorite commercials (often people remember a Super Bowl
commercial or two that made a real impression on them)
...
That’s subliminal messaging for you
...
And now, exactly as advertisers planned, you’ll go and
make your purchase
...
Brainwashing is
necessary because researchers need willing subjects to act as controls and
variables
...
A study done at the University of Washington in Seattle focused on what types
of students and what kind of circumstances were required for a participant
(student) to cheat on a test
...
So the researchers used deception and repetition
to brainwash the subjects into thinking that they weren’t participating in a study
on cheating at all, rather they were simply taking a test and being timed to see
how long it took them
...
Researchers were planted throughout
the room and the study was videotaped
...
During the entire test, no one was called out, no matter how obvious the cheating
was
...
Several researchers after the interview
admitted that this form of deception was necessary for studies like this to be
accomplished, or otherwise their results wouldn’t be as reliable
...
The debate about whether deception and brainwashing are moral and
right when conducting scientific, psychological research is as old as the study of
Psychology itself
...
Others that argue against the
deception and brainwashing believe that it is harmful to the participants, even if
they sign agreements to participate, and that some studies can cause permanent
psychological damage
...
Instead, they are uncomfortable with the idea of being
deceived, manipulated and brainwashed and acting sometimes opposite to how
they might behave in regular society
...
In reality, brainwashing can be very dangerous and completely reprogram
someone’s mind
...
Brainwashers’ first goal is to destroy their victim's ego and sense of self
...
The brainwasher will identify the most prevalent aspects of their
victim’s personality
...
But this is necessary for them to get deeper
into their victim's shadowy psychological realms
...
Victims
will be overcome by a sense of doubt and fear, and spend much of their time
reevaluating their belief systems and even their concept of reality
...
For someone that sees
themselves as amicable friendly and easy to get along with, the brainwasher may
say something like “You know, you’re not as friendly as you think you are
...
” Another version of this: “Man, have you met “so-and-so”?
They’re so nice, I don’t think I’ve ever met a nicer person in my entire life
...
They want their victim tired, drained,
disoriented, and no longer willing to put up a fight
...
And therefore they are much
easier to manipulate and brainwash and are much more likely to start believing
anything that they hear
...
Once the victim has been broken down, the brainwasher will now start making
them feel guilty
...
This concept may be familiar to even those who haven’t used dark psychology
before – the term has entered the modern day lexicon
...
The brainwasher will continually tell their victim that they are bad and unworthy
of affection
...
They’ll remind the victim of
anything negative that’s happened around them, and continually bring it up in
conversation
...
And if a
brainwasher doesn’t have enough negativity in their arsenal, they’ll make up
mistakes and qualities about their victim to feel bad about
...
Brainwashers might target the way that
their victim dresses: “You’re dressed like such a prude” or “You dress like such
a slut
...
“You
know, I know you’re a practicing Catholic and all of that, but how can you be a
part of a church that abuses young children?” They could even make them feel
bad about their physical makeup: “Did you know that your teeth are a bit
crooked? I mean, you’d have a lovely smile if you just got them fixed
...
The victim will slowly begin to feel as if everything they do, from the
moment they wake up to the moment they lay down and go to sleep if wrong
...
They believe that they aren’t worthy of love and affection, and they don’t trust
any decisions they make or anything that they say
...
This is a pivotal point in the process of
brainwashing
...
This is a make or break point for the
brainwasher because if someone else gets to them first, and talks the victim back
up, they can undo all of the brainwasher’s work at this point
...
The brainwasher will now engage in a series of physical threats, mental assault
and combine the two in order to force the person to totally renounce who they
were before
...
The brainwasher will first get the victim to say that they want nothing to do with
their friends, and admit that all of their friendships were false and based on lies
because the victim was not who they thought they were
...
The process then begins with
the victim’s belief system
...
There are a lot of things that are just so messed up
about the Catholic church
...
I don’t think I’m going to be going to mass any more
...
They’ll experience more
feelings of guilt and shame because deep down they’ll feel like they have
betrayed who they once were
...
The victim will recognize that they have betrayed friends
and family members, further distancing themselves from their previous identity
...
This shows that the brainwasher is on their way to
getting what they want
...
They might ask the brainwasher to supply them with answers about who they
are, where they are, and why they are still around
...
The brainwasher needs to be a bit more delicate than their previous aggressive
actions because this is where the victim is most vulnerable and breakable
...
CHAPTER 8:
Manipulation and Emotional Exploitation
Why me?
Why do some people get taken advantage of and others don’t? It seems like a
crap-shoot, I know
...
Everything happens for a reason
...
If you seek approval at all
costs, chances are you couldn’t find that in your childhood
...
Some children are nurtured
...
And they seem to have it all together
...
But some have it more together than others
...
You’ve got to learn to watch for signs of that whenever you’re dealing with
authority figures
...
If people are often trying to sway you to their way of thinking or doing things for
them that they should be doing for themselves, then you might have something
you should be watching out for
...
She wants to do a great job and please her boss at
all costs
...
She’s got a terrible headache and calls in to
ask her boss for the day off
...
Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it?
Only when Jane gets into work, she finds there are two extra people who’ve
been scheduled to work too
...
So, she goes in to tell
her boss she really is feeling terrible and since the place is overstaffed, can she
please have the day off? She understands she’s giving up the pay for that day
...
She’s a great worker
...
And as a matter of fact, she needs to go scrape all the gum off the salesroom
floor, and after that, the toilets really need a good scrubbing
...
He’s a diabetic, and this is the only
place that has those sugarless twinkies he loves so much
...
Jane doesn’t say what someone who refuses to be emotionally exploited does
...
She could’ve handled things very differently
...
With just a few words said differently, she
could’ve stayed home and taken care of herself
...
Here they are – the magic words: I’m sick, I won’t be coming in today
...
You are sick, and you won’t be in –
end of subject)
When asked to do something you feel uncomfortable doing, unsafe doing, or that
it’s not your responsibility to do, here is what you say: No
...
When asked why you won’t be doing it, here’s the magic answer: Because I do
not want to
...
They do think they can manipulate you after all
...
Cut them off with some quick words of your own
...
Goodbye
...
The way I think about it is like this
...
Now, when it’s a helpless little kid or a
helpless elderly person, I suck it up and do what needs to be done
...
Here are some ways people can manipulate you or emotionally exploit you and
how to handle each situation:
Love Flooding
This is when someone is buttering you up to get you to do something that they
know you won’t want to do
...
Sweet kisses, hugs, nuzzles
...
Can you get up and do my
laundry really quick so I can stay in bed and sleep?”
Normally, you might be nice and do it
...
And you’ve got an appointment with the dentist that you’re not
looking forward too after lunch
...
Here is how you handle this sweet talk but still know that it’s a manipulation:
“I love you, but our child kept me up, and I’m not looking forward to my day as
it is, so no
...
I need my sleep
...
”
Lying
Most people can’t abide liars – I’m one of those people
...
Lying happens a lot when someone wants you to give them some money
...
“I hate to ask, but I don’t have a dime to my name, and little Susie has a terrible
cold
...
If I don’t get some
money, she’ll suffer all night
...
I’m just worried about Susie is all, or I wouldn’t even ask to borrow
twenty bucks
...
But while I’m out, I thought I’d pick up something to eat
...
Poor Susie is dying for her favorite junk
food too
...
”
All of a sudden, you see little Susie running around behind her momma’s back,
jumping off the furniture, laughing her head off
...
So, you say, “She looks fine to me
...
Don’t ask me for
money anymore
...
Withdrawal
This is a hard one
...
I
don’t care who you are or how tough you might be
...
It’s easy to say, just don’t let them get to you, but man, that’s right at impossible
...
They want you to feel terrible for not giving in to them
...
And for what?
Most of the time, what they wanted doesn’t amount to a hill of beans
...
Your mother is sitting in the living room, doing her nails
...
I’ve got to put these groceries away, and I’ve got another
armload in the car, then I’ve got to get to the school to pick up Ariel and get her
to the doctor to get those warts of hers frozen off
...
’
‘My nails are wet
...
’
‘I’m sure your dogs won’t die before your nails dry, and you can get out there to
feed them, Momma
...
’
‘It’s just a small favor
...
The dogfood is right there by the
backdoor
...
Now, put one scoop in pen for Fancy and then
get a scoop out of the other bag for Bossy, he can’t eat what Fancy does
...
I just don’t have time right
now
...
”
The bottle of nail polish goes flying
...
The sound of a door slamming is the last thing you hear
...
What
do you do? The last time she got mad like this, it was three days before she said
one word to you?
Calmly, you go to where they’ve shut themselves off from you
...
“You’re upset, that’s plain to see
...
You can pout, you can keep your distance
from me, and you can keep your words to yourself too
...
You’re hurting yourself
...
” And then you walk away
...
Love Denial
Much like Withdrawal, love denial is when a person who loves you holds back
that attention because you won’t do something, they want you to
...
You will still talk
calmly to them and let them know that what they are doing is only hurting them
and not you
...
You have to stay strong here and remain calm
...
It was done to them
...
Don’t give in to it
...
Choice Restriction
Many of us have done this with our children
...
For instance, little Sally is looking at the candy bars in the grocery store
...
“Sally, you get to pick the treat today
...
But that’s a child, and you’re doing it for good purposes, not evil ones
...
You and
your sister are in the food court at the mall and there are tons of choices
...
I’ll let you
pick though – Pizza or burgers? Go ahead
...
”
I’m pretty sure there aren’t lots of you who even need to know what to say here,
but I’ll put it out there, just in case
...
I’m getting Chinese
...
”
Reverse Psychology
Again, many of us have used this method of manipulation on our own children
and even grown individuals to get them to see things our way
...
You know that your son hates to be told what to do
...
They should be fine
...
Gee whiz! I’m wearing them
today
...
But what if it’s happening to you?
Your hubby would like his favorite shirt washed but doesn’t want to do it
himself
...
My favorite red shirt is dirty
...
Your white shorts and
blouse are in the mix
...
Don’t worry, babe
...
”
You might be overlooking the obvious
...
But you see what he’s doing and stop him
...
No reason for you to wash these with that red shirt, it’ll turn them pink
...
You’re good to go now, babe
...
Semantic Manipulation
This one is pure torture
...
”
This is when someone wants to use your words, turn them into pretzels, and do
their level best to drive you insane
...
“But I thought the teacher meant next Tuesday, not today
...
”
You’re out of your mind, and they’re still trying to tell you what they thought
...
A calm voice never fails to get someone’s attention
...
So, here it is in nice simple language for you
...
” Then walk away without saying another word
...
My best advice to you when you are faced with any type of manipulation at all is
to walk away
...
Sometimes you must just remove yourself from the equation
...
Walk away
...
Most of all, remember that this is their problem, not yours
...
CHAPTER 9:
How the Dark Triad Can be Applied
It is important that we not only understand the three parts of the Triad, but also
the different ways that it is able to manifest itself in actual behavior
...
Machiavellian Actions
We already discussed how a Machiavellian person is like a political schemer
who is very concerned with how the public sees them
...
So, how is a Machiavellian person going to behave? This can be
hard to recognize because these kinds of people are, in their nature, adept at
being able to hide all their true intentions from public scrutiny
...
First off, these people are going to have a very clear distinction between what
they are and how they come across when they are out in public
...
And the main reason for this is because their
outward image is so far removed from what people would imagine a murderer to
be like
...
This person would spend
time running their congregation, spend time doing some charity work, and seem
like they always help regular people
...
The public actions of this person are the masks that
hide the private side away from scrutiny for a very long time
...
There are many talks where the leaders in the field of business
were able to ruthlessly cut jobs in order to get profits without worrying about the
people it would hurt
...
Another hallmark that you will run into with Machiavellianism is a willingness
to exploit other people
...
Someone who isn’t a Machiavellian would look around
that office and see that there is a room of different co-workers that they could get
to know
...
Rather than seeing these people as
fellow human beings, the Machiavellian individual would see weaknesses and
other things to exploit when it works for them
...
Many people believe that a Machiavellian person is
someone who isn’t trustworthy, but this isn’t quite right
...
And in many cases, when this
type of person isn’t able to keep their word, they will be able to do it in a way
that can make them appear noble and even praiseworthy in the process, leaving
them in a good light, even when they decide not to keep with the promise
...
This idea comes directly from “The Prince,”
which is going to urge a person to be both loved and feared at the same time
...
This concept of the desirability of being feared and loved at
the same time is directly related to the trait of splitting up the private and the
public perception
...
The Psychopathic Actions
In addition to some of the Machiavellian actions that we talked about above,
there also need to be some actions that are considered psychopathic
...
Since this is not likely, it is important that you are able to recognize some of the
outward signs of psychopathy
...
It is going
to be more of superficial charm and never a deep or a genuine charm
...
This is not something that you are going to see when a psychopath is
trying to be charming
...
But the
inward motivation to these displays is going to be a red flag
...
They see that if they present
charm to someone, that person will feel good and the manipulator can use that to
their own advantage
...
There isn’t going to be
any depth of feeling behind the behavior
...
Of course, lying is not enough to place
someone in the category of a psychopath, but when it is combined with other
signs, it can be a problem
...
They also aren’t going to show any
signs of lying simply because they don’t have an emotional attachment or any
feelings of excitement, guilt, or shame about the lies that they tell
...
A lack of remorse is another feature that is going to show up with a psychopath
...
But a psychopath is not able to feel remorse
at all
...
Linked to this is a lack of guilt
...
But psychopaths are not
going to think in terms of what is right and what is wrong
...
Remorse and guilt don’t
fit into this at all
...
Most people are born
with internal controls that will help them not act rashly in most cases
...
If a psychopath sees an opportunity
they want to exploit, they are going to do it without a second thought
...
Psychopaths are often incapable of empathy
...
Other humans are just
there to provide something of value to the psychopath and nothing more
...
It would never be a feeling of empathy towards that person
...
Many narcissists will report that they
had fantasies of being adored and worshipped even when they were children
...
And the fact that there are times when they are not
being revered or worshipped is seen as a personal affront to these people
...
They are not worthy of me
...
Yes, there are times
when humans are going to have an inflated sense of self-image, such as after a
big achievement
...
The inflated sense of self-worth that the narcissist experiences internally can
show up outwardly as well
...
They will always
have a need for praise and agreement, and they will absolutely despise any form
of rejection or criticism
...
If the people around them are not praising the narcissist, things can
turn ugly
...
These types of people
are going to demand worship from the ones they have power over, asking for the
people to build statues in their likeness and to get complete acceptance and
obedience
...
Sadism
Sadism may not be one of the aspects of the Dark Triad, but it is still something
necessary to add to this
...
Sadism is sometimes the hardest personality
trait to understand here because it is often the least relatable out of all of them
...
But sadism is kind of
an alien thought, and most people find that this is something that is hard to
understand rationally
...
This could add in a new and worrying dimension to the preexisting traits
that we have talked about above
...
But if they were a sadist as well, they
would enjoy that suffering
...
The feature that is going to set sadism apart from some of the other aspects of
dark psychology is the fact that it is all about cruelty
...
It is not there to serve a larger aim
...
Sadists just want to cause the
suffering of others because it is entertaining for them and they enjoy watching it,
and nothing else
...
But it adds in another terrifying part to the mix
that can make it hard for the victim to gain control again
...
CHAPTER 10:
How to Use Covert Manipulation?
When we bring up the term of covert emotional manipulation, we are talking
about a situation where someone wants to be able to gain some control and
power over another target
...
Emotional manipulation is going to operate really under the level of your
conscious awareness so that the target is doing what the manipulator wants,
without realizing what is going on t the same time
...
The victim or the target is not really going to see what
is happening to them while it is going on
...
When you are working with a skilled emotional manipulator you will find that
they are able to get to the sense of self-worth and emotional well-being of their
target
...
When someone is using covert manipulation against their target, it is because
they want to gain control, but they want to be able to go through it in a manner
that lets the target think that they are still in charge of their lives
...
The victim often is going to be
clueless based on this because they won’t notice what is happening until it is too
late to stop it
...
The point here is to become the one in charge by chipping away at what is
part of the target until there is nothing left or at least very little of it
...
They have to think this way or they are going to feel guilty and a lot of remorse
about how they are treating their target along the way
...
When covert manipulation is used, the manipulator is going to be able to find all
of the fears, strengths, and weaknesses of their target in no time
...
Some targets are a bit easier to work with and will only need one of these to get
the job done
...
It is hard to imagine that anyone is going to treat their target on purpose in order
to reach some kind of goal or not
...
The person who is using dark
manipulation is going to be willing and happy to do these things on purpose in
order to get what they want, and if they are really falling into dark psychology,
they are going to be able to do this without really feeling any kind of guilt in the
process
...
They may be able to watch the target crying, begging, and
being hurt in the process
...
Once this starts to happen, they are going to try to
make amends or make changes that will turn the situation around
...
They only care
about getting what they want out of the other person, and if the target is still
serving this purpose, especially if the target is not recognizing what is going on,
or doesn’t seem to want to take the control away from the manipulator, then the
manipulator is going to continue on with the track that is at hand, and there is
going to be more pain and harm in the process
...
In
fact, there are many times when the target is going to think that they were the
ones making the decisions
...
This is something that we are going to see often when it comes to cults and other
similar organizations
...
This is why when you bring someone out of a cult or away from some other
group that may have been brainwashing them for some time, they will always
tell others that they were happy with the changes and that they made the changes
all on their own
...
CHAPTER 11:
How to Detect When Manipulation Is Being
Used Against You
How to Spot Manipulative and Deceptive People?
An individual that has interest in preventing deception to avoid the mind games
that come with it should learn how to detect deception when it is occurring
...
While it might be
difficult for the agent to mislead the subject for a long period of time, it is
something that will usually happen regularly between individuals who know one
another
...
Any mistake will bring the subject to the realization
they are being deceived
...
For better or worse, we can usually tell what others are thinking with or without
the aid of what they are actually saying
...
When most hear the term “mind reading” they tend to think of psychics, witches,
and other people of this sort, but great steps can be taken by anyone to better
understand the thoughts of others
...
So much of interpersonal human connection is dependent upon our ability to
guess at and respond to the thoughts and actions of others appropriately that we
often have difficulty reconciling what is actually being said by others with what
impressions we are getting from them
...
It is all too easy for an attempt at
understanding what another person is thinking to quickly turn into a judgment
...
One of the greatest obstacles we face we trying to mind read is that of dishonesty
or a lack of expression in the words or the nonverbal cues of those who we are
talking to
...
There are, however, many ways in which we can dig beneath the superficial
aspects of the communication and get a glimpse at what it really going on within
our partner’s minds
...
This involves
developing a more trustworthy intuition though, which is a task that is always
becoming and never being
...
A
willingness to look into the places that we least want to and to challenge our own
beliefs is also crucial here because if we go into trying to read the minds of
others already anchored to our own beliefs our findings will always be less
fruitful
...
This practice allows us to clear our minds of any
needless distractions and worries, enabling us to pay greater attention to those
who we are speaking with
...
Any ability that we may have had in the way of understanding other
people’s thoughts falls by the wayside as we try to pick up our own pieces with
cluttered and anxiety riddled psyches
...
Doing so will give us the clarity and the energy
necessary for reading the minds of others
...
Without this openness, we will never reap the full
rewards of what other people are communicating to us
...
When we try to take in all things, including those things
that have nothing to do with us, we always get overwhelmed and feel as though
we are making no progress toward our goals, because we probably are not
...
Again, mindfulness training of some kind is the best practice we have to foster
this sense of openness
...
Any
interpretations of other people’s thoughts that we make when under stress are
inherently ill conceived and hindered by our own issues
...
If we are going to make further progress on reading the thoughts of others we are
going to have to analyze them holistically
...
People are
complicated, and just when we think we have figured out another fully, yet
another layer of the onion that is their personality is peeled away, asking us to
strip away axiomatic preconceptions and other facets of our integrated
knowledge structure in order to adapt to the changes that we are met with
...
Often one but sometimes both partners are going to be inclined towards trying to
use dark persuasion on each other
...
Often, they will not
realize that there is something going on or that they are darkly persuaded until it
is too late, and they are stuck there
...
Faces
don’t just help in remembering an old long-lost friend or keep us different from
each other
...
Facial profiling or face reading techniques are very
useful to read and understand a person’s nature and character
...
There is a
lot of history and literature covering the subject of facial profiling
...
It mostly
only during extremely pleasant or unpleasant experiences, that our body
language comes to the fore
...
Learning to read body language will help you understand what and how others
are feeling about us which will help us understand how our relationships are
evolving
...
It is easy to sense changes
...
That motive is not only
limited to the commercial world
...
It could come in the form of family trying to force an
elderly relative to change their will in their favor
...
Sexual Gain
For some, there is a sexual element to their manipulation
...
Some may even
use physical force, in effect rape, to satisfy their sexual urges
...
This can begin in the form of extreme praise and
flattery, lavishing their target with gifts and false promises
...
Watch out! Once they have you where
they want you, they can quickly turn too controlling, and even become violent
...
Emotional blackmail is their
game
...
CHAPTER 12:
How to Avoid Manipulators
As you have read so far, you can probably see how easy it is to become part of
someone’s manipulations
...
There are
many ways that you can stop the cycle of emotional abuse and manipulation
...
Manipulators are looking for something from you that they may not be getting
from life or even from themselves
...
They want to make problems for others to
make themselves feel better
...
If they can inflict this pain on others, they are no longer
worried about their feelings
...
They will
find those that they consider weak and persuade them to do what they want
...
In general,
manipulators aren’t all that bad
...
Psychologists find them to
be misguided and inconsiderate
...
Staying Away from the Manipulators
Think about it: the easiest way to avoid being manipulated is just by staying
away from them
...
Manipulators, after all, learn how to control us in many ways
...
They have probably been
a victim of it, and it could have started as early as their childhood
...
Many of them will ask you questions over
and over again until they get the answer that they want
...
By being firm with them and saying the answer more than once to them,
they should be able to get the full picture
...
Ever hear that everyone has an inner child? Well, manipulators have an inner
child, but it does not play and joke around as yours might
...
If that
inner child is telling them all of the ideas of what to get out of people, they will
turn into a manipulator to get everything that they want
...
Generally, these goals are to make you feel as if you are always
doing something wrong
...
This is when the firm words you use can help you
...
It may surprise you, but manipulators can change
...
This can take them quite
a long time, but it is possible
...
Perhaps you can
give them a second chance when you have seen the changes, but that is up to
you
...
It is very
easy for those of us who see manipulation, to tell our peers to leave their
relationship
...
For one, our society
has some strange ways of accepting unhealthy behavior and manipulations
...
If the
victim has always been in these types of relationships, they may think it is the
normal way that relationships work
...
Manipulation and emotional abuse are pretty crippling when it comes to our selfesteem
...
If the victim is
always feeling worthless, and they want to get out of the relationship, it can be
quite difficult
...
Sometimes this makes it nearly impossible for them to get out of the
relationship
...
Chances are
the manipulator is now threatening them, and they could be afraid that they will
hurt them even more if they do leave
...
Lastly, our society makes it sound like no matter what we feel, we must stay
with our partner forever
...
We do know that some manipulators can change, but not all of them will
...
Avoiding the Manipulators
It is easy to say avoid these predators, but it is not that easy
...
Once you have decided this, you have to be
careful about what you do
...
They know exactly how to find your
weaknesses and what makes you weak
...
They will
try to get you to give up the things that you love
...
This will leave
them there to be your shoulder to cry on when they don’t want to see you or talk
to you anymore
...
You do not have to put up with any of this, though
...
Once
you have noticed that they are trying to manipulate you, say no to them
...
This is where many people
have trouble
...
You can say no to people without doing so
...
When you have discovered that they are manipulating you, keep your distance
...
This
is a sure-fire way to know that they are trying to manipulate you
...
Once
you notice this, give them the space that they need
...
It is important that if you do fall victim to a manipulator, please do not blame
yourself
...
They know your weaknesses, and they want you to blame
yourself for it
...
It will throw them off when you start turning the tables on them
...
Find
out why they think their demands are reasonable and how this situation will
benefit you
...
Always trust your judgment when it comes to asking these questions
...
Many victims of manipulators have to reinvent themselves not to let it happen to
them again
...
They have
already seen your vulnerable side, and now they want to attack it
...
Just keep telling them that you don’t want to do something
...
Respecting yourself is another way to make sure that they stop manipulating
you
...
They may even feel threatened by your new sense of self
...
CHAPTER 13:
Mind Manipulation for Beginners : Conclusion
It is necessary to know the mechanisms of manipulating the human psyche, this
allows you to protect yourself from intrusion into your psyche and skillfully
counteract various receptions and methods of manipulation
...
Without this
knowledge, it is difficult to achieve great success in life
...
Therefore, in some cases, for a more effective impact, an
important point in the use of various methods of manipulation is the preparation
for their use
...
Such targets may be:
The interests of man, his needs and inclinations;
Beliefs (political, religious, moral), worldview;
Habits, style of behavior, ways of thinking, habits, character traits,
professional skills;
Mental and emotional state (both in general and at the moment)
...
Also at the preparatory stage, an experienced manipulator thinks out the places
and conditions of his impact
...
Therefore, creating the conditions for increasing suggestibility, he
selects secluded, isolated places (although this is not always the case, sometimes
the situation requires the opposite) and only then, without interference, applies
the prepared manipulation technique
...
The ability to get in touch and keep it in the literature on
business communication is given great importance, this is not a way of
manipulating, establishing contact, it is the basis of communicative
communication
...
For him, this is the preparatory stage, during which he in every way
adapts to the interlocutor, using the technique of joining
...
The manipulator sometimes
even begins to copy the gestures of a communication partner, facial expressions,
takes similar poses, does everything to win over him
...
Although, to use some
techniques, preliminary preparation is not required at all
...
In general, emotions are strong feelings that individual experiences because of
the situation or circumstance he or she is in, with happiness, love, anger, and fear
to be good examples
...
Therefore, we can correctly define Emotional Intelligence as the capacity of an
individual to identify his or her own feelings, and those of others, and apply
relevant knowledge and skills to inform his or her behavior in response
...
Because
regardless of an individual's level of intelligence and understanding of
management processes, he or she needs to have, the skills to enable others to
perform effectively for him or her
...
You can come across numerous emotional intelligence
tests online, though many researchers question just how valid or useful many of
the tests are
...
A leader who understands and addresses his or her emotions and the emotions of
other people around him or her is in a better place to understand his or her
environment, adjust to it, and follow his or her goals
...
Apart from work and other responsibilities we have to
perform in order to meet a particular set objective, the things that we actually
want to do or not do depend so much on how we feel about them
...
Experiences, in this case, are the situations and circumstances an
individual finds him or herself in that could be triggering the feelings
...
The Personal/Subjective Experience
Experts agree that regardless of how different people from diverse racial,
economic, and cultural backgrounds may be, everyone experiences some basic
emotions the same way despite being highly subjective
...
For example, getting married or starting a new job will cause an individual to
experience a range of emotions from anxiety to joy in everyone, but the order of
occurrence and intensity will not be the same between two people
...
A Physiological Reaction
You must have been in a situation where an emotion caused your physical body
to react in a particular way involuntarily
...
The sympathetic nervous system, which is
responsible for engaging the body's fight or flight reaction, is responsible for
these physiological reactions
...
The amygdala is especially important with regard to fear since in cases where it
is damaged an individual's response to fear is always impaired
...
A Behavioral Or Expressive Retort
Most people are familiar with this component of emotions because this is what
we can clearly observe when someone is experiencing a particular emotion
...
However, an individual's culture and socialization have a big role to play in how
he or she expresses them
...
Most of these theories seek to categorize emotions and
explain why and how they exist
...
Psychological theories – These suggest that an individual's emotions are the
result of responses from inside the body
2
...
Cognitive theories – These suggest that and individual's emotions are the
result of thoughts and mental activities
...
He suggested that all human cultures experienced these
emotions regardless of race, gender, or age
...
In another study, Robert Plutchik, In the 1980s proposed that human beings have
eight basic emotions, which include joy, fear, trust, surprise, anticipation,
sadness, disgust, and anger
...
Here, some emotions combine and result in different feelings, the same
way colors mix to come up with different colors
...
Further and more recent studies suggest that the basic emotions are far more than
six or eight, but can go all the way up to 27
...
Paul Ekman's original six basic emotions and their occurrence:
Sadness
Sadness is another primary emotion that everyone if they had a chance, would
choose to forego
...
Just like many other emotions, many people experience sadness at least
occasionally, though long episodes of this emotion develop into depression
...
The persistence and severity of this
emotion will depend on what is causing the individual to be sad as well as how
well he or she is able to control it
...
Happiness
Many movies, songs, and books have highlighted the section of the Declaration
of Independence that points towards defining the American dream as having a
chance at 'Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness'
...
Arguably, most people, regardless of
where they are in the world and what privileges they have access to, strive to be
happy, simply because this is a pleasant feeling that has a strong relationship
with satisfaction, joy, gratification, and contentment
...
Even though
happiness is basic, it is far complex than what most people imagine, since
happiness means different things to different people
...
However, many researchers have drawn conclusions
to support that good mental and physical health and marital satisfaction are some
of the leading causes of happiness in adults
...
Disgust
If you have ever called something disgusting, it is highly likely that the object in
question was making you feel extremely unpleasant or sick, or it was shocking
you in a bad way
...
An individual who is disgusted will usually turn away and react as if he or she is
about to vomit or wrinkle and can even cover his or her nose and mouth
...
Many researchers believe that the reaction is the first line of defense against an
individual ingesting food that might have gone bad and is consequently harmful
to his or her health
...
Surprise
Unlike most other emotions, that people largely consider being positive or
negative, surprise takes no sides
...
Therefore, something positive, negative, or even neutral can surprise someone,
then after this short-lived emotion fizzles out another one, which will be either
positive or negative, takes over and lasts longer
...
Depending on the nature of the surprise, an individual
will usually experience an adrenaline rush, which is a way of preparing the body
to fight or to run away
...
However, surprises often stand out from other events, and someone is
sure to remember more or learn more from a surprising event compared to others
that he or she would consider normal
...
Fear occurs when an individual is facing some sort of danger, with the
interpretation of whether he or she is in danger falling squarely on his or her
perception
...
This automatic body response kicks in to help an individual to deal with the
threat he or she is facing effectively
...
However, as is the case with
all other emotions, people will respond differently when they are afraid since the
triggers will often differ from one person to the next and people have different
ways of showing and dealing with fear
...
For example, some people will engage in sports such as bungee
jumping, scary theme park rides, bull running and fighting festivals, and the like
just for fun
...
Anger
Different situations or people's actions can cause someone to get angry
...
Angry people
will tend to be agitated or frustrated and act in hostility towards others or the
situation that is causing them to get angry
...
Such an individual might frown, yell, start to sweat, throw things
around, kick, and even get violent
...
The most important thing to remember when you are angry is to control your
speech and actions because, without self-control, an individual will turn violent
and abusive, and in the process cause physical or emotional pain to others
...
Some
people turn to excessive alcohol consumption, smoking, crime, and even
rebellion when they are angry, and these can sure lead to physical and emotional
diseases
...
However, it becomes difficult
to tell, judging from facial expressions, which emotion here below someone is
experiencing:
Contentment
Amusement
Contempt
Excitement
Relief
Embarrassment
Guilt
Achievement
Shame
Satisfaction
As earlier mentioned, many other theories exist, which try to explain and classify
emotions, with psychologists agreeing and disagreeing on them
...
Technological advancements and improvement in research techniques and
methodologies will sure pave the way to better reading and understanding of
human emotions today and in the future
...
Understanding how to deal with one's emotions, when dealing with other people,
is a plus to an individual's quest for emotional intelligence
...
They handle disagreements with grace, play mediators with
ease and are top notch at negotiating difficult deals
...
Emotional intelligence is all about a person’s ability to identify and manage
emotions, which is relevant in all spheres of life from academics to personal
relationships to professional development
...
So, what exactly is emotional intelligence comprised of?
Psychologist and bestselling author of the book entitled Emotional Intelligence,
Daniel Goleman, suggested five basic components that make up emotional
intelligence
...
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to identify or understand one's own emotions
...
Self-awareness is
also being able to manage your emotions and understand their impact on other
people
...
You can only manage or control your behavior if you recognize your emotions
and emotional responses
...
Self-awareness gives you a greater insight into your strengths and
weaknesses
...
According to Goleman, self-aware folks have a wonderful sense of humor, can
view the positives in any situation, are self-assured about their abilities and are
fully aware of the impact they have on others or how others see them
...
They seldom react on impulse or give in to
involuntary responses
...
This doesn’t imply that emotionally intelligent people hide their true emotions or
don’t express their emotions freely
...
People who are high in self-regulation are more flexible, agreeable and have the
ability to adapt effectively to change
...
The increased selfregulation also leads to a greater sense of conscientiousness
...
Motivation
Motivation plays a critical role in emotional intelligence because emotionally
intelligent people are intrinsically motivated by elements that go beyond
recognition, rewards, money, fame and other similar things
...
They crave
internal rewards and gain their high from doing things they love
...
They have a high need for accomplishment and are
constantly looking for ways to improve their performance
...
They will aim to fulfill any task to the
best of their abilities
...
This one component is often believed to be
the cornerstone of emotional intelligence
...
It is about recognizing and
understanding the other person’s emotional state as well as knowing how best to
respond to the person’s emotions based on the available emotional information
...
You may make an additional effort to cheer up their spirits and
make them feel good
...
Being empathetic allows you to be a good leader and understand the feelings of
your team or followers without much effort
...
Empathetic leaders understand
power dynamics and social relationships, along with how their behavior can
impact these forces in various situations
...
As a leader, your technical skills will only help you impart
knowledge to the team
...
In such a scenario, you have to be a perceptive leader to determine the feelings
of your team and use this information to direct your behavior and actions
towards lifting their morale
...
It is also the ability to
predict the other person’s requirements and take the appropriate action
...
Identifying and managing your feelings and the feelings of other
people are only half the battle won
...
In your personal life, developing social skills may make you the ultimate girl or
guy magnet
...
Some of the most important
social skills involve active listening, nonverbal communication (expressions,
gestures, posture, etc
...
Social skills involve communicating effectively, practicing active listening and
responding to the person appropriately
...
One of the most important aspects of social skills is conflict
management, or the ability to diffuse challenging situations with negotiation,
diplomacy and persuasion
...
In short, it is about the
finesse with which one deals with other people
...
Factors of Personality Traits
Traits are what distinguish one person from the rest in terms of their character
...
This type of trait
includes:
Values
...
What are some of
the things that you think would be the values that will help strengthen
the ties in a family and those that will enhance the fabric of society?
Here are some of the values that you may consider important, and you
may choose to give you an idea:
1
...
Education flexibility encouragement freedom
3
...
Care charm appreciation alertness
5
...
You should consider enhancing or
strengthening your values because by doing so you will be able to develop your
personality test and at the end, you may boost your level of emotional
intelligence
...
Beliefs
...
You should know that people have different views a belief
that they tend to hold dear and believe they are true to them
...
When you believe in certain
views or things, you will live accordingly which at the end will help you
to make up your personality
...
Children ten to internalize all the beliefs that a specific family hold dearly: when
they become adults, they will have similar or same beliefs, especially beliefs to
do with politics and religion
...
Simply
morals are things that help us to determine what we believe is wrong right in
society
...
An example of an act of morality is in
our churches, where we find that they have a set of moral codes that help them to
teach their followers on how to carry themselves around and how to interact to
other people more respectable
...
Morals
are mostly considered as the basic foundation of a person's beliefs about a lot of
things that they believe
...
This will have an impact on the personality
development of that person
...
This is determined by the different traits each person has
...
Type B trait refers to people who are considered to be patient, more
laid back and usually easygoing
...
When you look at other species, they seem to lack the
heterogeneity that human beings do
...
As far as benefits go, this is a big one, this
ability to relate to someone fundamentally different from us on an emotional
level, but it is not the only one
...
Our ability to form an emotional connection with another using selfawareness, self-regulation, and empathy suggests that in spite of our superficial
differences, as human beings, we really are not all that different
...
We feel joy at our successes and disappointment at our
defeats
...
As in other areas of emotional intelligence, an examination of the benefits
involves an appreciation of all the components of emotional intelligence
...
Selfawareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills: these facets of
EI strive together to guide human connectivity
...
For the purposes of this chapter, we will focus on the
areas where EI stands out as being important in life
...
Teamwork
Emotional awareness is essential for teams
...
To
work on a team, team members need to be able to interact effectively with one
another, and this includes using all five of the components of emotional
intelligence
...
A team where emotional
intelligence is lacking will feature members who are acting essentially as
autonomous members, using perhaps their cognitive abilities but not their
emotions
...
This is what makes
teams so interesting and important
...
If a team is
incapable of working as a cohesive unit, then the success of the team is likely to
be impacted
...
Perhaps this is the power of EI: that it allows human beings as a species
to function as one, giant team
...
This is not necessarily because EI is more important here than it is in
other areas, but because there is ample evidence that suggests that improving EI
skills can be enormously beneficial
...
Employees are very sensitive to managers who treat them uncaringly or ignore
their concerns
...
By honing emotional intelligence skills and using it to guide
decision making, a manager can instill the trust and support in staff that is
necessary for running a well-oiled operation
...
Will a business without empathy and other EI skills survive
in an increasingly competitive work climate with artificial intelligence looming
on the horizon? Probably not
...
Human social interaction is a dance that involves the other person
responding to our verbal and non-verbal cues in a way that shows that they have
heard us, and they understand
...
Also, self-awareness and self-regulation allow us
to recognize how our own emotional states might adversely impact our
interactions and to modify our emotions
...
Conversing in this way, leads to
others having more favorable opinions of us and desiring to engage with us more
in the future
...
People tend to like other people who care about them, show compassion
for them, and have empathy for them
...
Using all five areas of emotional intelligence in
tandem allows you to have people skills
...
Success in life is
closely tied to the partnerships that we form, and individuals who do not put
some effort into the skills needed to form these sorts of partnerships can see
themselves fail where they otherwise might succeed
...
CHAPTER 17:
The Importance of Empathy
The role of empathy in emotional intelligence cannot be overstated
...
This is perhaps
because empathy is a quality that many people understand, or at least believe
that they do, and it can, therefore, be used as a symbol of what makes emotional
intelligence, and by extension, human beings, exceptional
...
But as the reader has
already seen, empathy is a term that is often misused or misunderstood
...
Compassion is part of recognizing someone else as
being a human being with much the same feelings, pains, and joys that we
ourselves experience
...
But this feeling of deep compassion and tolerance, even if it has a
strong emotional component, is not precisely empathy
...
This person is so weighted down with emotion and the deep
and subjective experience of it that they are practically incapable of functioning
...
This is
the image of the empath, the person who is able to experience the emotions of
others uncontrollably
...
Indeed, empathy, when used properly, is a trait that confers an enormous benefit
to the person that wields it
...
As the
empath is able to experience the subjective emotional states of others, they are
able to interact with these others with a deep emotional connection
...
This is a trait or skill that
works in conjunction with other skills to guide behavior and in so doing to
facilitate human interaction
...
Earlier, we showed how an individual could feel compassion and
tolerance for others
...
In fact,
compassion and tolerance are hallmarks of sympathy
...
An empathetic person has compassion and is receptive enough of the other
person’s experiences and feelings to feel tolerance, but they are able to share that
person’s feelings and experiences by actually experiencing them themselves
...
It might be convenient
to think about experiences and feelings as being subjective states of the brain
modulated by brain chemistry, and the person with empathy is able to mirror the
subjective state that the other experiences as dictated by their brain chemistry
...
Certainly, human beings have ways of
showing that they are making an emotional connection with someone else, that
they feel compassion for them, but this is not the same as sharing the subjective
experiences that someone else is living through
...
Again, the image of the empath comes to mind
...
How to Practice Empathy
One of the things that make emotional intelligence such an exciting field to
study and read about is that it is not something static as traditional cognitive
reasoning is often thought to be
...
This is true of empathy just as much as it is
true of the other components of EI
...
Indeed, even people with minimal empathic skills can acquire
them and cause them to grow with the right training
...
First of all, you
must be motivated to have empathy in order to go about practicing
...
Second, you must
practice being perceptive of the emotions of others
...
Most human beings are able to recognize
emotion
...
Another important step in having empathy is talking about it
...
For some people, this may include some self-talk
...
Why? I wonder what is going on with her
...
Finally, the last and most important part of practicing empathy is actually feeling
the emotions and experiences of others
...
As you go through the steps of
practicing empathy, you may find that this subjective experience of sharing
another’s feelings becomes easier and more natural
...
When a leader achieves one, he will be able to enforce the other, and this is the
foundational basis of our entire discourse
...
These will all build up to make you an exceptional,
passionate leader
...
Emotional intelligence is acquired and
implemented through patience, insight, observation, and imagination
...
But it’s also known that some
leaders who excel in their fields have challenges in their personal lives
...
You see leaders who
scream at their subordinates when dealing with personal emotional distress
...
EQ plays an interpretative role in social
circles
...
An outburst by an
employee may not be because they are unsatisfied with work terms
...
Daniel Goleman also argued that cognitive intelligence is not the only guarantee
for success
...
Your ability to see beyond the outburst and empathize
with the person makes you an emotionally intelligent person
...
The empathy we mentioned earlier also applies to you as well
...
For example, a leader
may be dealing with a series of failures within a short period and not express
their frustration
...
While there is nothing wrong with being a strong leader, you should know that it
is okay to cry
...
It is okay to empathize with yourself because if you are not in an
emotionally balanced place, you will not be an excellent emotional leader
...
You should first become an emotionally intelligent person because that
is how it translates into passionate leadership
...
To achieve this goal, I must share some truths with you, and the
first is that emotional intelligence begins with you!
Think about this for a few moments, how will you become sensitive to the needs
of others when you are not sensitive to yours? How can you tell when someone
is dealing with internal issues when you don’t even know your internal
emotional challenges?
It is great that we are passionate about using emotional intelligence to become
excellent leaders, but what about you? You can only lead others successfully
when you can inspire yourself, and the same principle applies to everything else
...
When personal EQ gets to a certain level where you can identify your emotions
and empathize with yourself, you will be able to practice emotional leadership
...
Emotional leadership will strengthen your resolve to become a leader connected
to people
...
Do you remember the first time you fell in love? You wanted to know
everything about this person, and you put this person in focus all the time
...
Also, when they were sad, you felt sad as well
...
That connection starts with the little things you do as a leader, such as paying
attention to the feelings of your subordinates, employees, followers, partners,
and others
...
The little things you do as an emotional leader adds up into the big stuff, and that
is how you become connected with others
...
They will
also love the fact that you are also concerned about them
...
They will be interested in your
ideas and dealings hence, following your lead will not be a problem
...
Some leaders,
raised in homes where emotions were expressed freely, will have an easier time
with emotional intelligence
...
But overall, the point is, no one is
born emotionally intelligent
...
In an ideal society, kids should receive training in emotional
intelligence, so they can get a head start at a young age
...
Escalated situations lead to tension and pressure
on the leader if the leader hasn’t built EQ
...
No one wants to experience the kind of situation expressed above, but it does
happen
...
The Domains and Competencies of Emotional Intelligence
Many aspects of human existence and successful leadership connected to EQ
...
Each area comes with its competencies that we will discuss below
...
As mentioned earlier, if you
are self-aware, you can develop the other domains, and thus, build a higher EQ
...
It helps you stay in touch with yourself enough to have good intuition and
be a great decision-maker
...
Every emotion has its function; you may not have identified the role it plays
because you were not paying any attention
...
We know how to become aware of others
...
Another important thing, you can build self-awareness by always
thinking about what you are thinking
...
We get thousands of thoughts flooding our minds daily; these
thoughts influence how we feel (emotions)
...
A self-aware leader doesn’t have to analyze every thought but will pay close
attention to the ones that develop into intense emotions
...
As you become increasingly self-aware, you will pick up other
skills that help you become an effective leader
...
We are building this amazing bridge that connects you the leader to yourself and
to others you can influence and inspire
...
But note that with EQ domains, you don't stop using one to pick
up the next
...
In this case, everything you've
learned about self-awareness will become very useful when it comes to the
second domain, self-management
...
Those competencies
are: emotional self-control, adaptability, achievement orientation, and positive
outlook
...
So how does this domain
help build up emotional intelligence? The answer to this question is in the
domain's four competencies
...
For example, as a leader, you will find yourself in
situations where everyone expects you to unleash your anger on someone over
bad behavior
...
If you have an emotional outburst
when someone performs below your expectations, it will mean that you lack
emotional self-control
...
If
people have the slightest insight into your inability to control your emotions,
they will intentionally do things to upset you
...
Adaptability
You can also develop exceptional self-management through flexibility
...
Well, it may not be easy, but it is surely possible! You can develop adaptability
by always being hopeful of change
...
People who never expect change lose control over their
feelings, and in that state, they are unable to show empathy to someone else
...
Your emotional
disposition and your ability to manage them will set you apart as a leader with
high EQ
...
What are your
dreams as a leader? What do you want to achieve? Can you manage your
ambition? Achievement orientation will enable you to keep your goals in focus
and also help others do the same
...
How else will you know when you and your team are not hitting your targets?
How can you motivate them to achieve more? Achievement orientation is a
process, but you should take the first step by being conscious of it and inspiring
the same mindset in others
...
Regardless of your level of preparedness, negative occurrences will happen
...
You've got to make up your mind and tell yourself that, regardless of what
happens, you will have a positive outlook on life
...
You are reading this book intending to influence and inspire other people; you
can achieve that goal by being positively minded
...
Again, to build up these competency areas for a higher EQ, you must start with
yourself
...
So start with you!
Organizational Awareness
Organizational awareness is strictly within the confines of the organization you
lead
...
They may be
exceptional with the cognitive aspects, but they are not emotionally intelligent
...
Organizational awareness isn't a role you delegate to someone
else
...
Use the channels of command to help
manage your relationships and those you may not see or hear as often
...
By doing this, you will be teaching your coordinators and managers how
to build EQ through organizational awareness
...
Your social ability will come quickly to you when you take the first three
domains seriously
...
The skills include influencing,
coaching and mentoring, conflict management, teamwork, and inspirational
leadership
...
When you manage people, it
should be to influence them, which has been the focal point of this discourse
...
Every team has unique individuals: those who are reliable, and those
who have more weaknesses than strengths
...
You cannot work on yourself
alone as a leader; the people around you need to grow as well because that is
how you build a stronger team
...
That would be a great accomplishment as a leader
...
Leaders who seek to develop their EQ better need to get better with conflict
resolution
...
In some other cases, a leader needs to use their social awareness and
organizational awareness skills to detect tension amongst people and solve the
issue
...
When tension and conflict start affecting the progression of your goals and aims
for the team, then you shouldn’t wait for the aggrieved parties to come to you
...
This competency is what makes you an emotionally intelligent relationship
manager and leader
...
Remember that you are not merely training yourself to be
emotionally intelligent; you are also seeking to inspire others to build higher EQ
as well
...
What happens when people work closely with each other? They become more
conscious of how each other feels and can develop better empathy as well
...
When a member of the team is down, everyone
feels the pain, and together they lift them up
...
CHAPTER 19:
Emotional Intelligence at Work
Ever since the world started paying more attention to emotional intelligence,
thanks to Goleman, there has been a segment of society that has been
particularly engrossed in understanding what EQ can do for them
...
C-suite executives and hiring
managers all over the world are keen to reap the benefits of emotional
intelligence
...
The baby boomers of the world did not care much for emotional intelligence in
the workplace
...
Today’s workplace has changed
...
Robert Walters, the recruitment company based in the United Kingdom,
undertook a survey of millennials that sought to understand various aspects of
their jobs and professions
...
Millennials are not content to
settle for a job for the sake of having a job
...
They want to feel that they are fulfilled and growing
...
The millennial workforce also wants the freedom to plan their work days without
feeling as though they are under a microscope
...
They want a life outside of work, otherwise referred to as
work/life balance
...
When compared to the older generations, it is clear that millennials have set
quite a high bar
...
Against this dynamic
backdrop, it goes without saying that hiring decisions can no longer be
influenced by IQ only
...
In fact, in one
survey carried out by Harris Interact for Career Builder, 75 percent of hiring
managers said that they would rather hire an employee that is emotionally
intelligent over one who has a high IQ
...
Rather, it shows that
companies have finally come around to the fact that it takes more than knowing
about the knowledge contained in books to survive in the workplace of today
...
There are true benefits to hiring an
emotionally intelligent workforce
...
Just as the workforce of today is different from the workforce of yesteryear, the
workplace has also changed
...
The
modern workplace looks to be more cutthroat and pressure-filled
...
This is because they are
able to manage their emotions even when the going gets tough
...
What is
likely to happen when a critical deadline is coming up? Probably lots of yelling
and scapegoating
...
Emotionally intelligent employees are better decision makers
...
You need to
make decisions about how to solve client problems, which clients to pitch to,
which colleagues to include in particular teams, how to format a report for a
client, how to manage your workload efficiently, and a myriad of other
decisions
...
When you know how to manage your emotions, you are
able to make decisions that are not simply emotional
...
Let’s say for instance that you are a team leader working to deliver a project for
a client
...
Unfortunately, this colleague
does not really like you, for reasons best known to them
...
What do you do?
A person that is lacking in emotional intelligence might be tempted to engage in
a power struggle with this colleague
...
However, if you are emotionally intelligent, you will devise a way to deal with
the colleague because you realize that getting into it with them is only going to
ruin the progress of the team
...
Instead of
playing their game, you will kill them with kindness
...
This is because you are self-aware, self-regulating, motivated from
the inside, and well equipped with the social skills needed to handle a colleague
that is behaving like a petulant child
...
When different
personalities meet in one place, there is a high likelihood of clashing
...
You may have potlucks or staff parties every other
weekend and there still will be differences and conflict between the employees
...
High EQ employees are more motivated
Let’s say you are a business owner who has worked hard to build your brand and
hire a reasonable number of people to work for you
...
Two years after hiring your employees, you start to notice that all of
them are coming in late, dragging their feet in their delivery to your clients, and
sometimes not even showing up for work
...
Your
clients are no longer satisfied
...
Where did you go wrong?
You hired employees who were not emotionally intelligent
...
These employees are already motivated on their
own and do not need the extra push
...
Imagine having an employee that sulks every time they are criticized about
something
...
Employees who are emotionally intelligent understand that there will be
moments when they need to be corrected
...
They are secure in
themselves and accepting of feedback, both negative and positive
...
Such managers are better able to manage teams,
communicate the vision of the company, and even resolve conflict
...
Such a manager will try to impose their authority on the rest of the employees
using intimidation, threats, and other unwarranted tactics
...
How Do Hiring Managers Determine a Candidate’s Emotional
Intelligence?
If hiring managers are seeking to hire candidates with high emotional
intelligence, the question that naturally follows is this: How are they able to tell
who is high in EQ and who isn’t? Do they give a test? Are they silently judging
you without your knowledge? It’s more of the latter, but instead of judgment, it’s
more of an observation
...
Hiring managers will know if you are emotionally intelligent by checking how
you have worked with teams in your previous roles
...
Be sure to mention any leadership positions that you are
or were responsible for during interviews
...
If you have been to an interview in the recent past, you were probably asked
about a challenge that you faced and how you tackled it
...
Rather, they want to understand what approach you take when faced with
challenges
...
The other popular question that hiring managers love to ask is: What is your
biggest weakness? This leaves many candidates feeling the need to lie that
aiming for perfection is their biggest weakness
...
Now, whether you are the
perfectionist you claim to be or not, the whole point HR is asking is because they
want to know if you are self-aware
...
Of course,
you also do not want to shoot yourself in the foot in order to demonstrate how
self-aware you are
...
CHAPTER 20:
Listening Skills
A large component of all five tenets of emotional intelligence is the ability to
listen well
...
Social skills, empathy, and motivation also require the
ability to listen well
...
Without
it, we can miss or misunderstand messages, and there’s a breakdown of
communication
...
Many large organizations provide training for employees so they can build their
listening skills
...
Leaders of industry will tell you that
they wouldn’t have found success without effective listening skills
...
Hearing is Not Listening
The terms “hearing” and “listening” are often incorrectly used interchangeably
...
If you don’t have a
medical issue that impedes your ability to hear, it’s simply a physical
mechanism
...
Essentially, someone can hear what you’re saying without
actually listening
...
It
includes focusing your attention on the message, the speaker, his or her voice,
and body language
...
Time to Listen
We spend a lot of our time communicating with others, and a large portion of
that is listening
...
Since we spend more time listening than any of the other activities, it makes
sense that we should understand it better and practice the skills
...
Some of the reasons we need
listening skills are:
to fully and accurately understand the speaker's ideas and perspective
to show that we are interested and concerned
to practice selflessness
to detect nonverbal cues that accompany a speaker’s words to increase
our understanding
to be able to critically think about the message being delivered
to avoid distractions and focus on the message
to come accept all views and come to an understanding
to make the speaker feel comfortable enough to openly communicate
Thinking of ways to respond while someone is speaking is absolutely not a
function of listening
...
Obstacles to Listening Effectively
In the process of building effective listening skills, there can be barriers that get
in the way
...
What does it mean to be an
ineffective listener?
It’s quite typical to lose focus of what someone is saying and start thinking about
what your response might be
...
If you’re thinking about
anything other than what the speaker is communicating, it means that you’re not
fully listening
...
We’re all guilty of zoning out while someone has been speaking
...
This disparity can cause your mind to wander
...
There are other factors that can lead to our lack of focus
...
We can also get distracted by other surrounding things
...
Of course, this affects you if you’re the
listener; however, your lack of attention can be very obvious to those around
you
...
The speaker could find this
annoying, or even quite personally offensive
...
Developing Your Skills
Technology has made it easy for us to easily communicate with one another, but
we’ve also allowed it to erode our listening skills
...
It’s the glue that holds
together problem solving, relationship building, and conflict resolution
...
It helps
people build careers
...
When raising children, teaching them good listening skills helps kids grow into
resourceful, self-reliant adults
...
How can we
improve our abilities? Here are ten things you can do to form good listening
skills and habits
...
Relax and focus
...
Filter out surrounding activity and background noise
...
Keep your
attention on him or her
...
Keep eye contact
...
At best, it can feel as though you have a
portion of his or her attention
...
Put down your phone, leave the
computer alone for the time being, and don’t worry about papers on your
desk
...
It’s not your place
to correct his or her lack of eye contact; focus on yours
...
3
...
Even if it’s difficult, listen to someone without mentally
passing judgment
...
He or she is conveying feelings and thoughts to you, and the
only way you’ll learn what they are is if you listen
...
The goal is to understand that person’s thoughts and
feelings, not to assign your own
...
Visualize the speaker's words
...
Is he or she telling you a story? Visualize the setting
...
Remember key phrases by visualizing them spelled out
...
Above all, do not rehearse
your response while someone is speaking
...
Don’t interrupt
...
Interrupting or speaking over
someone is obviously rude; however, it also sends messages to others
...
I don’t care how you feel
...
What I have to say right now is more important, relevant, accurate,
or interesting
...
If your communication speed (thinking, processing, delivering) is faster than that
of the speaker, it’s your responsibility to align your tempo
...
If a
person wants your advice, he or she will request it
...
6
...
We all have questions sometimes, and you might need to
ask for clarity on something
...
Rather, wait for an
appropriate pause and politely ask the speaker to revisit what was just said
...
Keep your questions relevant
...
It’s inappropriate to shift the focus of what the speaker has been
telling you
...
If
you notice that you’ve asked something that has caused the speaker to drift
away from the original topic, take accountability for it and redirect the
conversation back to its original purpose
...
Empathize
...
If the speaker is telling a story and expresses sadness,
allow yourself to feel sad
...
Your facial expressions and other nonverbal
communication will show the speaker that you’re listening and invested
...
Sometimes, this requires
concentration and effort, but it’s worth it
...
9
...
If you’re able to sense how the speaker feels, you should
verbalize that by saying things like, “That must have been terrifying,” “You
and your family must be ecstatic,” or “I’m so sorry that you’ve been
enduring this awful ordeal
...
If his or her feelings are unclear, it’s always okay to maintain eye
contact, nod, and smile when he or she does
...
10
...
We’re able to glean a lot of information
about one another without a single spoken word
...
A person’s volume, cadence, tone, and pauses can give you
insight to how he or she is feeling
...
When you’re listening,
always remember that your nonverbal communication is just as important
as the verbal
...
Remember the ten
tips for successfully listening to others and don’t jump to conclusions
...
CHAPTER 21:
Leadership and Conflict Management
Here’s a Secret: Conflict is Important
People have a negative idea about conflict
...
Most conflicts cause a lot of destruction
and harm
...
But, before we find out
why conflicts can be important, let's try to understand something: what is the
difference between a conflict and a disagreement?
Disagreements are not closed
...
Everyone involved knows what the other person is thinking,
their views, opinions, and feedback
...
In many cases, people tend to agree to
disagree or in, other words, agree to differ in their views and respect those
views
...
A conflict, on the other hand, involves situations where people have strong
feelings or make certain assumptions about other people, their personality,
beliefs, or viewpoints
...
Typically,
conflicts arise because of misunderstandings between people and in many cases,
people feel that their personal values are violated or attacked in some ways
...
In fact, you are probably wondering what reason
or reasons there could be to justify the presence of conflict
...
When you fail to see conflicts, you might be under the
wrongful assumption that everything is going smoothly in the
organization
...
Let's assume that you have members of a team or your
employees who cannot work well with each other
...
When there is conflict, there is a sense of competition
...
This leads to increase in innovative ideas among the members of
the team
...
Is there something happening in your personal life?
Are you facing numerous challenges at once?
Was there a recent tragedy that took you by surprise?
When you dig deep, you might find out that the true nature of your anger is
something else entirely
...
The main reason for doing this is so that while
you are learning to deal with your anger, you can also avoid situations that might
cause it to come out into the open
...
Knowing the warning signs of anger allows you to deal with it well
...
This way, you get to the root of the problem and extinguish the reason for your
anger
...
This way, you won't allow it to interfere when you are dealing with
people, employees, team members, and other important people
...
You end up saying things that you regret
...
You could even be the reason that sound relationships in
the organization might be destroyed
...
Even if you
haven't been practicing the art of anger management, you can still work on it to
improve yourself tremendously
...
People often take up physical activities like running, swimming, boxing, or
martial arts to channel their anger away from their personal and professional
lives
...
No matter what physical activity or relaxation technique you choose, find one
that you can incorporate into your life and make sure you practice it regularly
...
A lot of people prefer to get a moment of privacy and listen to their favorite
songs to calm themselves down
...
This is especially important when you have to deal with an
emergency situation and you don't have the time to do yoga or head over to the
gym
...
Find Out More About the Anger
Sometimes anger is a reasonable response from the other person
...
You should ask yourself why the person is angry
...
Is that the case in the situation you are facing?
When you find out more about the anger, then you will be able to deal with it
better
...
Even if you are
seething on the inside, make sure that you do not reveal your emotions on the
outside
...
When you lose your temper or get
emotional, then you have revealed your weak points to the other person
...
Eventually, you end up causing more damage than intended
...
Definitely not fun!
Allow the other person to vent
...
You are also letting the other person know that you are
capable of listening to them
...
Avoid Ad Hominem
Ad hominem, short for argumentum ad hominem, is an argument made to target
the character of a person
...
No matter how tempting it might be, never attack the character of a person
...
"
At this point, what you are trying to do is uncover the reason for the person's
anger so you can deal with it
...
Know That You Can Disengage
Sometimes, the situation might call for a 'break
...
No one has arrived at a conclusion or discovered
a solution
...
This allows everyone involved in the conflict to gain a clear head and
evaluate the situation in a new light
...
For most cases, simply
allow everyone to take a quick walk outside and return to deal with the situation
...
Mental Manipulation (For When You Need it The Most)
It is not advisable that you use mental manipulation techniques very often
...
Here are a few tips that will help you when you want to gain a little influence
over the mind of another person
...
They simply give you an edge over
the other person
...
What you do here is cause someone a
great deal of anxiety or stress and just as quickly as you introduced it, you
alleviate it
...
This way, they realize the
magnitude of their actions and feel thankful to you for not letting it get any
worse
...
Social Exchange
As you work with your employees or colleagues, help them out in small ways
...
In other words, they feel like they owe you for all the favors that
you have done in the past
...
When they are struggling to finish the
task, you then ask them to do what you really wanted them to do, which is
slightly easier than the original task that they were engaged in
...
When you see that they are struggling to answer
it, you then switch to an easier question (which is the real question you wanted
to ask them all along)
...
People don't
usually respond well to guilt and would do anything to remove themselves from
situations of guilt
...
Through this, they
become more susceptible to your influence
...
It is strongly
recommended that if you ever decide to use them, then it is only because you see
no other way and, by not using them, you might cause further harm to people or
the organization
...
There are
better ways to deal with people and by being emotionally intelligent, you can do
that without resorting to these types of extreme measures
...
CHAPTER 22:
How to Improve Yourself as a Leader?
Increase Your Self-Esteem
If you want to increase your self-esteem, you can establish certain steps in your
routine to help yourself
...
Just as we often think negative things
about ourselves, we must learn to affirm positive traits as well
...
Just like you've learned to associate negative thoughts
with yourself, take the time to repeat to yourself positive thoughts
...
You know that common
exercise of looking in the mirror and talking positively to yourself?
Well, it works just like that
...
One of the toughest parts of developing your selfesteem is realizing that you cannot compare yourself to others
...
Whether it's about looks, money, personal possessions
or whatever it may be, the trap of comparing is that you never feel good
enough
...
It's about being the best person you can
be in a process of discovery and self-growth
...
Everyone has something that they excel at
...
Instead of focusing on
your weaknesses, focus on what your strengths are and what skills you
possess that make you feel confident
...
Don't focus on your
failures - focus on your successes! Be proud of your accomplishments
...
Whether you are exercising, treating yourself to a
spa day or getting a good night's sleep, it's important that you take care
of yourself physically to take care of your mental health
...
Help others
...
It takes you out of your mindset and
urges you to think about someone else
...
Remind yourself that you are not your circumstances
...
Circumstances occur in our life that is sometimes out
of our control
...
In the beginning, let’s clear one thing up – there IS such thing as
positive stress
...
Aside from that, here are a couple of tips that might help you to deal with stress:
Meditation
Regular exercise
Time to relax outside of work
Time you will spend alone doing the things you like
Laughing and smiling
Good night sleep
Healthier eating habits
Use Self-talk
Self-talk is defined as the way your inner voice makes sense of the world around
you, and how you communicate with yourself internally
...
People with positive
self-talk tend to see the world more positively and enthusiastically, which can
lead them to be more well-rounded and hopeful people in general
...
The good news is that even if you have a
negative self-talk habit, it's never too late to change your outlook
...
The technique of using
affirmations is to repeat them over and over, so they are embedded into your
subconscious and you finally start to believe what you are saying
...
Whether it's about your habits, your personal or professional
behavior or your personality, creating an affirmation can help your mindset so
you can conquer a goal
...
Working out at the gym is for your
physical body, and using affirmations is for your mind!
Visualization is a technique where you clearly work to visualize the future
reality you want to be living in
...
It is a powerful tool
that can motivate you for future success in your life
...
You’re alert, attentive
and you know exactly what is going on, that kind of confidence can only come
from being well - prepared
...
Preparation ahead of time is easy when you make the effort to find
out what is going on
...
This is why it is so
important that you learn to regulate and control your emotions with emotional
intelligence
...
It is hard
to achieve success in life, or find yourself in a leadership position if you’re
finding it hard to even manage your own confidence and self-esteem because
you’re constantly unhappy
...
Don’t Psych Yourself Out Either
Self-fulfilling prophecies are real
...
If you don’t
believe in yourself, all the negative thoughts you’re thinking will eventually
diminish your self-esteem
...
In time, you will learn to control this
through self-regulation and self-awareness
...
Tips to Improve Your Persuasive Skills
Now, let’s take a look at how to turn on the charm and your powers of
persuasion so you can sway anyone over to your side and instantly become more
likable:
Offer Genuine Compliments
People can spot fakes, no matter how good a performance you think you may be
putting on
...
If you have ever encountered someone
who is fake that rubbed you the wrong way, you’ll understand
...
People like knowing that they are interesting enough to
hold your attention
...
Smiling
You can never go wrong with a genuine smile
...
A genuine smile that
immediately transforms any situation
...
Smiling accomplishes all
of that in one fell swoop
...
Treat Everyone Like a Friend
The best way to be as persuasive as possible during a conversation is to treat
everyone that you meet like a friend
...
Even
if this person is a stranger than you met 5 minutes ago, don’t dwell on that
...
CHAPTER 23:
How To Approach Your New Leadership Role
A leader is a decision maker; often times this entails considering a myriad of
possibilities and deciding on a particular line of action
...
However, in working towards the goal a
leader must learn to evaluate their actions and the state of their progress
...
There are many different philosophies on how to evaluate a
leader’s progress; we will deal with two of the most prevalent trends at the
moment: Introspection and Outsight
...
It means exploring your leadership style by knowing
your strengths and working on your weaknesses
...
It
allows leaders to analyze why they did what they did and detect if their actions
were really the best for their followers
...
Introspection really
means gaining a deeper understanding of yourself by thinking about your actions
and thoughts: Everyone has experience and knowledge in life but it can’t be used
for anything without reflecting on it
...
Eric Kail it is an essential leadership characteristic
...
He visited his mentor, angrily trying to explain how
unfairly he had been treated
...
The mentor helped Eric reflect on the episode and
made him understand through introspection how to be a better leader
...
Leading is all about helping others to perform better
...
Him taking the blame for it was the best possible
way forward
...
Serving
does not just mean making strategies that will benefit the company, but also
gaining an in depth understanding of the employees, their wishes and how to
properly use their expertise
...
It means taking into account what is being communicated
...
Doug Guthrie, organizational sociologist and China scholar, was appointed dean
of George Washington University’s business school after many years of teaching
leadership
...
Everything seemed to be
going well on the surface
...
They didn’t feel any ownership of
the strategy but perceived them as Guthrie’s personal plans
...
By reflecting on his experiences, he has now concluded that listening is in fact
more important than strategies
...
Key to introspection; however, is honesty; in fact, what you might call; brutal
honesty; a no-holds-barred analysis of facts
...
Effective introspection would only happen when a leader is not unfavorably
biased towards herself and as such is able to see where they may have been
missteps; which is the main purpose for the exercise in the first place
...
It is a humble way of analyzing
oneself and reaching conclusions about how to behave and act in a myriad of
different situations, accommodating the complexity of human and organization
issues
...
Outsight One of those researchers is Herminia Ibarra, author of the book ‘Act
like a leader
...
Learning leadership skills for people who have never led before is
very difficult because of the way adults tend to attain new knowledge
...
They work hard to try to understand themselves and figure out a way
to move forward without anything ever happening
...
As Richard Pascale said: “Adults are more likely to act their way into a new way
of thinking than to think their way into a new way of acting”
...
The responsibility of leadership oftentimes presents completely
different dynamics; and may require the individual to draw on new references
other than the ones that have formed their thinking up till that time
...
What you needed to
get there most likely isn’t the same as the thing you need to succeed in your new
leadership role
...
Herminia Ibarra advices emerging leaders to start
acting like leaders instead of trying to think themselves into it
...
One of the reasons that acting in new ways is so important is because feelings of
identity often tend to sabotage changes before, they can happen
...
Learning new
things often mean stepping out of one’s comfort zone and finding meaning in
new things
...
Outsight would require drawing on examples of other leaders and experimenting
to replicate their actions in your own unique situations
...
Outsight would require you to model leaders around
you; while you observe their behavior; thinking through their rational,
convictions and perspectives which must have informed their decision making
and subsequent actions in various situations
...
How to act like a leader Herminia mentions three things you need to think about,
if you want to make the plunge and start acting like a leader:
1
...
Instead you will probably find yourself slowly needing to lead more
in your current position
...
However, when demands for leadership grow without a predefined job
description, things get complicated
...
Most people don’t
find it hard to recognize this need
...
However, actually changing often
proves difficult
...
Herminia mentions an example from her own research, a manager
who was making the transition to leadership
...
Instead
of trusting his team to take care of it on their own, he kept micromanaging and
thus neglecting his actual task
...
This would feel like an internal step up; it would
involve making up your mind to take on a new responsibility and actively
programming your mind for the tasks that would come with it
...
2
...
Externally, it makes others see you as a leader and improves your reputation,
which in turn makes you feel more like a leader internally, too
...
This will result in bigger expectations from others and give you
confidence to pursue more and more opportunities
...
This is a process called internalizing a leadership identity which
is the cycle of receiving more and more opportunities as you do more leadership
tasks
...
Acting like a leader in front of
the proper network is essential for your reputation and confidence as a leader
...
Redefine yourself According to Hermina “No one pigeonholes us better than
we ourselves do
...
Why not? Why not make the change that we realize we
have to make? The reason lies in our nature
...
We are
ourselves the biggest obstacle for change
...
We don’t consist of one single self but of many selves
that can be reconfigured through experiences
...
Don’t shy away from opportunities or trying new strategies
because they don’t correspond with your current goals, comfort zone, limits or
way of working
...
They can alter what we want and
what we are ready to do to get it
...
Trying new things simply is what it is
...
With more
opportunities, experience and knowledge you will find yourself motivated by
new things and chasing new dreams, dreams you would never even have known
about if you hadn’t given them a chance
...
Leadership capacity is not developed instantly; it is built overtime;
through practice; making mistakes and learning as you progress
...
Instead, it’s a process of learning new skills and redefining your
identity
...
Trying new things means that you will fail
once in a while, but that is the whole point of experimenting
...
Some of those things you plunge
into are bound to fail
...
Keep trying and develop good coping
mechanisms for handling obstacles
...
It would not be uncommon for you to make a wrong call or suffer one or two
surprises as you mobilize your group towards a specific goal
...
And as you
display this resilience with yourself; you can also extend the same to your team
members encouraging them against the odd shocks that may come up as they put
their best to the goal
...
CHAPTER 24:
How to Surround Yourself with Positive Energy
A positive frame of mind will shape our perceptions of the world around us
...
" It will make your inner voice
a pessimist and your entire thought process will become negative whenever you
encounter a new challenge or opportunity
...
It can lead
to mental health problems and feelings of inadequacy and insecurity
...
Whether it's what
you're doing or whom you're spending time with, a shift in positivity could
improve your feelings of self in the long run
...
Have you heard the saying "You are the company you keep"? It's true that good
traits rub off on people
...
These friendships should provide you support,
encouragement, and comfort when you are down
...
Sometimes, the best course for righting your self-esteem is to cut those
relationships from your life and form new, healthy bonds that will nurture and
cultivate your positive energy
...
There's a whole genre of self-help literature that has evolved in recent decades,
and it's out there for you and me to consume any time we need it! If you feel
trapped in a cycle of self-defeat or are struggling in a certain area of your life (be
it weight loss, relationships, career, etc
...
There are tons of books on stress
management and meditation, on prayer and positive thinking
...
Consider practicing meditation or yoga
...
They are tied to a person's moods and feelings and
allow you to "step out of your head" for a little while each day and focus solely
on yourself
...
There are tons of free
videos online so you can even partake in the activity from your living room
...
Listen to uplifting music
...
Neurological scans of the brain prove that our cells are
activated by music
...
Pick pieces that you feel connected to and react to in a
good way
...
Don't forget that classical music can also set a very relaxing
mood
...
Practice positive affirmations
...
It allows you to focus on the positive in your life instead of
the negative
...
Fill your free time with activities
...
Whether it's working out,
taking an art class or volunteering, it can be any activity you feel passionate
about and where your interests lie
...
This will allow you to
cultivate a more positive energy
...
This is an effective strategy often prescribed by mental health professionals
...
It gives you a record to look back on and
reflect if things take a turn for the worst
...
CHAPTER 25:
Motivating People
Another vital way that can help you control the emotional environment of the
workplace is to inspire motivation
...
Whenever people feel overworked,
underappreciated and generally disillusioned with their job they will begin to
lose the motivation that encourages them to put in their best effort
...
Even worse, the longer a person lacks motivation, the more stressed
they become by having a job that doesn't make them happy
...
Additionally, you can actually spread emotional intelligence to those around you
through motivation
...
This will cause them to
develop emotional intelligence without even realizing it
...
Lead by example
There are countless books available on the different styles of leadership and the
benefits each style possesses
...
While this may sound like a revolutionary
concept, the truth of the matter is that every person in charge leads by example
whether they realize it or not
...
This is
because they create the idea that setbacks are devastating by reacting the way
they do
...
This makes a lot of sense when you realize that people are no different from
animals in nature when it comes to learning
...
This is how ducks
learn to swim, sparrows learn to fly and lions learn to hunt
...
Thus, people will develop skills and
behaviors based on what they see and experience more than in any other way
...
Once you realize how leading by example works you can begin to use it to your
advantage, as well as the advantage of those around you
...
It’s not enough to never appear to engage in
negativity, however
...
One example of this is how you react to setbacks
...
Rather than getting stressed out and lashing
out, simply show your confidence in being able to solve the problem at hand
...
This will prove that your confidence is more than just a façade hiding
your true feelings
...
You can't expect others to take punctuality seriously if you are always
late or behind schedule
...
Additionally, showing integrity is
absolutely vital for creating a positive emotional environment
...
This will
significantly reduce the stress and anxiety that comes from dishonesty,
underhanded actions and other similar elements that only undermine a person's
emotional stability
...
All too often the focus in any
workplace environment is the consequence of failure
...
Such methods have been
shown to not only cause untold stress and anxiety, but also undermine a person’s
performance rather than improving it
...
Alternatively, it has been discovered that when people are rewarded for hard
work and success they tend to perform better on a more regular basis
...
Every time you
reward a person for good behavior you will encourage them to continue
behaving in the same way
...
By
showing appreciation for a job well - done you will encourage a person to
continue to perform at their best level
...
Therefore, always be generous in rewarding
those who put in good performances and produce positive results
...
The main reason
for this is that most employees are aware of the fact that managers tend to get
bonuses when they achieve their quotas
...
Subsequently, when you share the spoils of success with
those who created the success in the first place it serves to make them feel more
a part of the process
...
Motivation Theory
Motivational leadership isn't a generic concept that projects one specific profile
...
However, in looking at the very basic components
of motivational leadership, you can define it as a product of your own mindset,
skills, philosophy and work ethic, and how you apply it to yourself and those
around you
...
Instead of micro commands and archaic control
measures, motivational leadership uses empowerment as the motor behind the
engine of productivity
...
Few businesses can go from intellectual property/goods
to consistent cash flow without the productivity of multiple workers from design,
sales, and marketing to logistics, customer service, and HR
...
This is where having a motivational leader becomes key to creating motivated,
engaged, invested, and positive workers
...
But it all boils down to a motivational leader's
ability to meet a worker's human needs, also called Maslow's hierarchy of needs,
which are psychological, safety and security, belonging, self-esteem, and selfactualization
...
Your responsibility as a motivational leader is to find
and interconnect those needs with your company's vision and strategies
...
Before learning how to harness their potential, let's look at what they are and
what sets them apart
...
Those that are driven by intrinsic motivation pursue their goals because
they get internal satisfaction from these pursuits
...
People that devote their lives to helping others
provide some of the most easily identifiable cases of intrinsic motivation
...
Being paid a bonus or getting a promotion are both things that others
offer to give you the incentive to achieve a task or adopt a new behavior
...
Childhood offers most of us our first brush with extrinsic motivation
...
There
also seems to be a cutoff point past which each type of motivation loses
effectiveness; a motivational law of diminishing returns, if you will
...
This is called the overjustification effect and can be counterproductive to a business that aims to
increase productivity
...
Not that extrinsic motivation has any use in a business environment
...
To better understand the implementation of
the two motivations and the reward systems that support them, let's look at
practical examples of both
...
Helping others is already intrinsically motivating for most people, so tying
volunteerism into the company culture provides an internal reward that cannot
be quantified in monetary value
...
Intrinsic motivation can be facilitated by having the partners of a law firm
engage in food drives and dedicating time to the same homeless shelters
...
With the law
firm, it is not directly related to them, and providing pro bono legal services for
the people in need might be a stronger motivator for them
...
It just needs to be conceived and organized
so it motivates people to contribute to their workplace and community and not
be viewed as grunt work
...
People respond positively
when their contribution is appreciated
...
CHAPTER 26:
Techniques for managing someone else's
situational emotions
Anger management
Aggression is a very energy-intensive emotion, not without reason after its
splash people often feel devastated
...
Say nothing like that? This is because people themselves, without
noticing it, periodically toss firewood into the firebox
...
All our actions in managing someone else's aggression can be divided into
such “poles” that kindle the fire of emotions and “ladles of water” that
extinguish it
...
These are tricks that work if you really want
to reduce the level of foreign aggression
...
One of our friends experienced a period of unpleasant dismissal from the
company
...
The
boss snapped, “Don’t get smart!” After a while, he answered one of her
questions, “Don’t be dumb!” Then with an emphasized polite intonation and
sweet smile, she sang to him in reply, “Do I understand you correctly, you
suggest me not to be smart and not stupid at the same time?” From which the
boss fell into complete fury
...
What do I want in this situation? What price will I pay for
this? It’s not always necessary to reduce the intensity of someone else’s anger:
each of us probably faced situations where there is only one sure way to respond
to outright and undisguised aggression to show similar aggression in response
...
Then it is important for you to transfer your
interaction to constructive rails
...
“Do you want to talk about this?”
The main greatest technique of managing other people's negative emotions is to
give a say
...
Why do we use such rather a harsh language “Shut up”? The fact is that, for
most people and in a normal situation, it’s hard to silently listen to everything
that the other person wanted to tell us
...
And in a situation where another person does not just express his thought
but expresses it emotionally (or very emotionally), almost no one can listen to
him calmly
...
And most often this is manifested in the
interruption of another person
...
This is normal and natural for anyone, especially
if the aggression turned out to be sudden and unexpected (the partner did not
gradually boil, but, say, immediately flew into the room already enraged)
...
Naturally, we begin to interrupt another
...
That is why, we use the word “Shut up,” that is, make an effort,
sometimes great effort, but let him say whatever he wants
...
In this case, the opposite happens, a
person cannot yell physically for a long time
...
Check it out
...
From fear, we sometimes freeze, like rabbits in front of a boa constrictor
...
Then he does not
understand whether we generally listen to him or not
...
Use Feelings as Verbalization Techniques
When a person is faced with the aggression of another, for obvious reasons, he
wants him to stop being hostile and to speak quieter and calmer
...
Does this help to achieve the
goal?
Unfortunately, no
...
“Yes, I’m
calm!!!” is usually what a person growls in response with increased fury
...
You are inadequate
...
" And although in form the
recommendation to calm down is expressed politely and logically, in essence, it
is a “run-in” to someone who is already angry
...
At the same time, if we manage to remind a person “in emotions” that there are
emotional, perhaps, he will be able to realize that he is not behaving very
adequately now
...
“It seems to me that you are dissatisfied with something in our interaction now,
and maybe even a little annoyed
...
Please, could you speak a
little quieter?
...
“Imessage” always indicates the connection between the specific actions of
another person and my emotional state, “When you
...
”, and speaks
calmly, in an emotionally neutral tone
...
In a situation where someone quite sharply expresses his dissatisfaction with
something, it is usually very difficult to maintain a calm and even intonation
...
It makes sense in difficult
communication situations to learn to maintain a fairly even tone and be in an
open position
...
”
From the movie " Pirates of the Caribbean "
...
Not the fact that these claims are fair, justified and
generally have at least some relation to us
...
What is the first word I want to say if we are accused of something?
No!
It's not true!
It's not me!
It's not like that!
If you notice, our answers to the questions most often begin with the word “no”
...
And if you pay attention to how Vladimir Putin answers journalists'
questions at his press conferences, you will notice that the words “no” and “but”
are practically absent in his texts (unless he consciously uses them)
...
Despite their brevity, they have great significance, often
independent (“She said,“ Yes ”!” Or “When the buyer says “no ”
...
The word “no” is a refusal, contradiction,
conflict, or end of interaction
...
” The word "no" came into our
speech almost at the level of a parasite word
...
“You came in jeans
...
But you could just agree, "Yes, I'm in jeans
...
And there would be nothing more to say to the other side
...
Since none of us is perfect, from the point of view of logic, we can respond to
almost any criticism with some kind of partial agreement:
“You are unprofessional
...
- You have little experience in this area
...
“You are not self-confident
...
We suggest learning any answer to begin with the word “yes”
...
You can find something to agree with even in the most ridiculous claims and
insults
...
This is a kind of indirect consent
...
- Yes, there are people who think so
...
“Yes, you might get that impression
...
For example, the phrase “Well, you are an idiot” can be answered, “Yeah, I'm an
idiot”, “Yes, sometimes I do idiotic things” or “Yes, you might have such an
impression”
...
If I just did
a terribly stupid thing, I can agree that I'm an idiot
...
” In all other cases, it will be more
appropriate to use some kind of partial consent
...
In some books on sales, you can find the
reception "Yes, but
...
Please read the following phrases carefully:
- Yes, this is indeed a very important project, but in the next six months, we are
unlikely to have an opportunity for its implementation
...
“Yes, you're right, but I think
...
That is, it contrasts one part of the
sentence with the other, denies everything that was said before it
...
In
other words, you said “yes” at the beginning, but by the second part of the
statement, you crossed out everything you said before
...
Then you combine the two parts of the statement, and
both of them have a right to exist:
- Yes, this is indeed a very important project
...
Let's get back
to this conversation in the fall
...
- Yes, I understand, the book is very interesting
...
Can you feel the difference between the first set of phrases and the second? It
seemed to be one word, but it was perceived completely differently
...
But it is really very important!
For what purposes is this technique used (it is called “Total YES”)?
Firstly, it allows you to reduce the emotional stress of a communication partner
...
Secondly, you manage to find something to sincerely and calmly agree with, and
your own background remains calm
...
It is
a fact"
...
CHAPTER 27:
Team Spirit
Now, “a good climate in the team” and “team” are almost synonyms because it
is known that team members “are always cheerful, and are like mountains
behind each other”
...
This is true: in a real
team, as a rule, the emotional background is quite stable and positive (that is,
joyful and at the same time energetic, focused on achievements)
...
Hardly ever
...
"
However, this is exactly what happens very often
...
" However, from one name, the group does not become a team; moreover,
for her to truly become a team, quite a lot of time must pass
...
Therefore, in this part, we will pay attention
to better understand this difficult concept, and in the end, we will talk about how
you can achieve the mood that is present in teams, even in a regular working
group
...
Is it
so? Let's look at an example
...
They all have one goal, right? What happens when the bus comes up? People
will begin to interfere with each other, striving to achieve their own goal
...
Then each of them will help the other to get on the bus:
someone will hold the door, someone will support a friend
...
The answer is
obvious
...
The team will achieve its common goal only if all eleven people
are in the stadium
...
Moreover,
each team member agrees with this
...
Then we get the definition of a team, this is a group of people who have a shared
common goal, which is difficult, if not impossible, to achieve alone or with
another group of people
...
But we still achieve goals, albeit with different staff
...
Therefore, in business, we can talk at best
about a team of leaders (lucky for the business whose leaders are really a team)
or about project teams
...
There can be no talk of a team even if a group of people does not have a shared
common goal
...
Even if the company has its own mission,
strategy, and annual goals, the team needs its own goal, for which this particular
composition of participants is important and which has a certain time frame
...
The presence of
such a goal will make it possible to combine the efforts of team members and
will serve as a constant motivator for them
...
Why start the movement? Because it
is not a fact that this group will succeed in becoming a team
...
The next thing that is important for us to understand in the process of team
building, especially from the point of view of emotions, is the stages that the
team goes through in its development
...
It all starts with the addiction phase
...
Starting to work in a new place (as well as starting any new
relationship), we strive to show ourselves in the best possible way
...
We follow generally accepted norms of
behavior in society and norms of courtesy
...
If he is often late, he will make efforts to arrive on
time
...
In a sense, this stage can be called the stage of “falling in love”
(regardless of what kind of relationship we are talking about)
...
In personal relationships, they say that "this is the
person whom I have dreamed about all my life"
...
At this stage,
people are not inclined to reveal their true interests, and therefore, their
motivation for working together is still not very great (despite the euphoric
mood)
...
It’s bad if the group
“gets stuck” at this stage and does not move on
...
Members of the group at this stage are ready to defend
their interests (at the first stage, they could have given them up), different roles
begin to be distributed in the group, leaders stand out, etc
...
Group members may appear on this stage
more vividly in defending their interests, but they may be silent and accumulate
discontent
...
This stage cannot be
avoided; it can only be passed like any conflict
...
These wonderful
people turned out to be completely different from who they claimed to be! This
one screams for no reason
...
Since each of the members of the group decided to be more sincere, we
immediately saw each other’s shortcomings
...
More often, it is to “hush up” the conflict, to
return to the stage at which we were all so polite and pleasant
...
The group members drink
beer together, tell jokes to each other, and look very friendly
...
The task of this stage is
for the group to jointly understand the shared common goal, the interests and
characteristics of each, and to coordinate them with the common goal
...
Moreover, since the members of
the group are aware of these interests and recognize them, they also help me
achieve what I want
...
This links the team with invisible threads, and everyone is ready to stand behind
another mountain
...
How to go through the conflict stage constructively? Recognize your interests,
find out the interests of other members of the group, listen and ask again
...
If the conflict stage is constructively completed, a deeper feeling arises based on
sincerity, greater psychological closeness, and trust of team members to each
other
...
The bonds between group members are becoming stronger
...
What other stages does the group have to go through to become a team? It
remains to develop joint norms and rules of work
...
What are the rules and regulations of the
team? These are some fixed agreements on how we work together
...
What to do in certain situations
...
" At this stage, joint rituals and festivals often arise
...
And
very different people work in a good team; there is no reason for similar ones to
join a team
...
People think differently in a team! Both the norms and the rules of
teamwork allow these people to agree on how to combine their efforts in the
most efficient way
...
Finally, the last stage of team building is the so-called work phase
...
This means that only now the
team is reaching the peak of its effectiveness
...
Observers from the
outside seem that everything happens with ease and effortlessly, that the “team”
is constantly lucky
...
But, sometimes, it
is possible to see, for example, two people who are even somewhat similar to a
couple who have lived together for many years: one begins the phrase, the other,
ends
...
The process of team building, however, as a rule, is quite long
precisely because it takes time to go through the stage of conflict and a lot of
strength and patience
...
The final effect is worth it
...
Remember that knowing your emotions and
understanding those of others is a great success because it enhances relationships
and brings people closer to each other
...
Therefore, if you can learn to understand and cultivate
self-awareness, you will know exactly what you are capable of, what you can
expect from the individuals in your team, and how to make life easier for
everyone you relate with
...
Every leader must strive to develop intrinsic
motivation or achieve self-motivation in everything he or she does, especially in
situations where his or her followers can witness
...
Furthermore, when relating to everyone in his or her environment, a leader needs
to be empathetic
...
Team members
and followers are all human beings, and it is possible for them to go through
tough times that they fail to accomplish even the simplest of tasks
...
Start by taking baby steps
...
Move at a comfortable pace and you will be
pleased with your progress as you do so
...
Every effort has
been made to make this ebook as complete and accurate as possible
...
Also, this ebook
provides information only up to the publishing date
...
The purpose of this ebook is to educate
...
The author and publisher shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any
person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be
caused directly or indirectly by this ebook
...
No portion of this ebook may be reproduced in any form
without permission from the publisher, except as permitted by copyright law
Title: Manipulation techniques
Description: Best profitable book for your knowledge
Description: Best profitable book for your knowledge